#1433 – The Expat Files: Navigating Latin America’s Challenges and Hidden Dangers

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came up to play and now I wonder Hello there all you ex-pad wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started Let's hit the email pile once again. Let's take this one from Raoul in California He says Johnny you are speaking about Airbnbs and apartments in Latin America

[00:45] Speaking of staying in those kinds of establishments and short-term rental apartments in Latin America It is kind of scary when you say that up to 40% of those places have hidden cameras Now personally, I don't know about hidden cameras, but I go back and forth to Columbia on occasion And here's my impression of Columbia. I stay in a mix of Airbnbs and apartments generally Saw a few cameras, but never one that actually worked except for the occasional lobby camera As far as the rentals themselves, I'd say at least half of them are just as advertised on the Airbnb sites But many of them lie through their teeth. They lie in their websites. Their pictures are fake Doctored or filtered they lie about the amenities. They're supposed to have to

[01:34] In fact, the wife and I had to move a couple of times because our Airbnb wasn't near what we expected When we've done that it's just that we didn't feel secure in the place or secure in the neighborhood What do I mean by that? Well many times the doors and windows and locks were old rickety and loose and even More secure Airbnb's etc in high-rise apartments if they're next to a body or neighborhood I'd never want to walk in alone man who wants to stay in a nice Airbnb in a bad neighborhood Funny how they get around mentioning that they'll say it's close to everything schools banks doctors hospitals Somehow they never tell you it's in a neighborhood. You shouldn't walk around in alone Then there's the fact that Columbia has a share of political unrest and you have to get used to it

[02:20] Sometimes we do be walking to a Bogota restaurant for example in a decent area and suddenly a protest would break out or some Protesters with signs and flags would walk down the street and block intersection It's not my idea of a good time sitting in a nice restaurant watching 100 people waving flags and chanting right in front of you Then there's those unannounced strikes a couple of times the taxis would go on strike for an entire day or two I get that everyone wants fair pay and better benefit But man, why take it out on the public? Why not go after those assholes in government block the streets and roads in the neighborhoods where they live I think I picked that up from you Johnny. I heard you say pretty much the same thing in a previous show But protesters never seem to aim their vitriol at the right people

[03:06] They go right in for a stranglehold on the center of the city where all the regular people come in every day to work Seems the protesters are bigger idiots than the government fools. They're protesting against There are other kinds of protests that sort of disrupt things for the tourists to Last trip to Bogota for an entire week. The grocery stores didn't have any eggs at all because the farmers were on strike Again, I'm all for the locals having better wages and a better quality of life We all want that but it can disrupt a nicely planned trip. So you got to have a plan B and a plan C Bottom line Johnny man, you got a time you can deal with it's a fact of life. It's always there So, you know, it's gonna happen but strikes and protests

[03:53] Most times they just pop up out of nowhere though I got to say sometime you'll get a message on the phone saying tomorrow Such and such a route will be blocked by protesters. Try an alternative route a Little advanced notice of impending chaos is always nice signed Raul or Raul? PS I'm plan B bound but not quite there yet. So I guess that means I'm at plan a and a half All right, Bob. Thanks for that Plan a and a half. Hmm funny. You should mention those street disruptions and protesters. They're called Well guys down here. The protests are called well guys h-u-e-l-g-a Pronounced well guy and yes, I guess you could say that's one good thing about social media though

[04:42] All in all social media has been really bad for the general mental health of the world Don't tell me otherwise So at least social media is a very up-to-date on where the well guys are or where they're gonna be And I don't know if you use ways or not. Everybody uses it down here Somehow ways even knows where the well guys are you're driving along and it announces There's slow traffic in a bottleneck up ahead then it automatically plots an alternative route now, of course that bottleneck could be due to a lot of things a traffic accident bunch of cops stopping people road construction or Well, yeah, you never really know till you get there, but somehow ways figures it out Hey, don't construe this as a plug for ways I only use it when I absolutely have to of course to use ways or any of those road mapping apps

[05:30] You have to have your GPS on and of course, you know, that's a bad idea because then you're tracked everywhere, right? now as for me the only time I ever switch on my GPS is when I'm forced into using ways and No matter how you feel about having your GPS on and I hate to do it You will find there are times when you absolutely have to use ways or you'll never find where you're going because like I said Throughout Latin America, the signage is terrible Almost all the streets and avenues are named after people. Most are Latino people you've never even heard of With a couple of American and international famous figures thrown in like Kennedy Roosevelt Lincoln The rest of the streets seem to be named after mostly Latin American genocidal dictators

[06:16] Same with most of the pompous asses on their paper funny money again I don't like it, but none of the streets seem to be numbered correctly. So you're stuck using ways Besides that even in some of the nice residential towers. The apartment labeling is quite spotty You know how it's supposed to be first floor second floor third floor apartment ABCD. Well, don't expect things to be that logical That's why unlike in the first world the mail often just doesn't get through I'm talking about the government mail service that is however courier services like DHL and FedEx do get through because you're paying big bucks for that to happen Now most often a new residential tower or new neighborhood housing project will have been numbered and lettered correctly

[07:03] But in time as letters and numbers fall off. Nobody really cares. No one does anything about it So my advice concerning GPS you might want to do what I do I never turn it on when I'm at my house or apartment or in my parking lot I wait till I'm quite a few blocks away and then I'll switch it on That way as for the trackers and hackers you can never quite be Pinpointed as to where you live. In other words try to remain as anonymous as you can hell If you're looking for someplace a destination, you know, you're not gonna be able to easily find There's no point switching your GPS on while you're at your home. Wait till you're out and about Quite a ways from your actual living quarters then switch your GPS on use Waze or dreaded Google Maps, whatever But you know Raul, it's not just Latin America that has those quelgas and protests

[07:52] In fact, every time I've been to Italy I've seen some kind of street protests going on usually the commies with hammer and sickle flags walking by I can't believe it Some people's brains are so sick, man Let's just say Italians are really big on taking to the streets about just about anything I remember last time I was in Spain Barcelona They announced on social media the next day there would be no taxi service at all Next day man, the metros were filled to the brim Funny thing to the streets were filled with taxis, but they just weren't picking up anyone That was their method of protesting. They were out in force, but not picking up anyone Basically given everyone the finger. Oh and I have to mention a while back I was in gay parody and in one day I saw four different well goes four different protests and the only one that really mattered was when the garbage man went out strike

[08:41] That's about the only time the government listens when the streets start stinking and the rats come out Not just the government rats either though The one thing you have to remember about Latin America is that most everyone's living on the edge So your average well, God does not last long. Sometimes it's just a few hours People need to get back to work Even if they're thoroughly pissed about the wage structure that minimum wage of three to four hundred bucks a month barely keeps people going They still beat the odds though because they've got two or three people in the family work in that minimum wage and combining their incomes So when people go on strike, they don't go on strike for long Just losing one day's pay or income man that hurts so sometimes and I've seen this happen There'll be a well got announced on social media. That's only supposed to last an hour big deal

[09:28] Nothing life or death about that. Oh, and the other thing is the protests in the well guys almost always occur in the capital city Right in the Vipers nest where all the scumbag lard ass politicians. Well, let's face it It doesn't really help to go on strike way out in the boonies somewhere First off you won't get any press though Lots of well guys down here get no press because there's just so many of them. No one gives a shit They're just not news. Remember the story about the little boy crying wolf So anyway big city lots of well guys small town almost none moving on. Let's take an email from Addison It's not quite on the subject of Latin America, but interesting. Nevertheless. He says Johnny. I really hate caller ID There was a time way back when when you could just block it and before that it just didn't exist at all Those were the days Why do I hate it because before caller ID you could make any number of

[10:18] Prank calls and have fun on a Saturday night with your buddies without spending a dime Addison says with a really successful prank call when you catch a real gullible mark and it hits home You could get some of the best laughs of your life He says I'm so glad my friends and I recorded some of those prank calls we made in the 90s We still laugh and we've heard him a hundred times But they can't do it now cuz you're being tagged and tracked everywhere these days if you prank somebody on a phone you get sued Just thought I'd rant and reminisce a bit about the good old days signed Addison PS Johnny loved this show And I'm so glad you announced you're having an August expat seminar barring catastrophe. I'll be there No, right Addison, you know, I always never went for pranking people myself, but my brother whoa

[11:07] He is or was a phone prankster at another level In fact, he used to tape his prank calls and send them to me For example, there was this one guy named Tony lived right next door in the neighborhood He was a classic car nut in his favorite car was a 1958. I think Edsel man He was nuts about detailing that car He spent years finding the parts etc putting that thing back together until it looked like it just came off the showroom floor Well one day he had the car parked in the driveway all spit polished and waxed and he put a for sale sign on the windshield He said his two kids were gonna go to college. He was gonna sell the car to get the money to send him Well, my brother would call him up first with a very convincing sort of guttural German accent And every 30 seconds or so, my brother would hack and cough right into the guy's ear

[11:55] Like he smoked 10 packs of cigarettes a day He would tell the guy's stupid stories about his imaginary childhood How everyone in his family had Edsel's how much he always wanted to have one Made the poor guy go through the whole history of all the things he did to it And then my brother in his perfect German accent would say how much you want for it And the guy said 15 grand and my brother in his German accent said I'll give you 20 for it Well, Tony the next-door neighbor just about shit his pants trying to reel a guy and get him over there make the deal Well, my brother in his German accent made an appointment all the while My brother was watching out my mother's kitchen window just 50 feet away He was cracking up laughing with his buddies watching Tony pace outside in front of the house waiting for the guy to show up

[12:40] And he never did a few hours later. My brother called Tony and said he couldn't make it He had an accident made another appointment did the same thing Finally after not showing up two more times Tony was super pissed. That's when my brother said remember. I offered you 20,000 I'll give you 25 now This might not sound funny to you because I guess you had to hear the tape But what he did next my brother was he called in with a perfect Italian accent. My brother's really good at accents Did some stand-up comedy in Chicago and stuff. So he's got zero stage fright Well, he did a variation on the theme in a thick Italian accent Meanwhile, the next-door neighbor Tony got no bites on his Edsel No legitimate bites anyway, and that's well, it's not really a car collector's dream even now So then a week or so went by and my brother called up with a very convincing Polish accent

[13:31] What would really crack my brother and his buddies up? They'd sit in the house the perfect setup while on the phone lure this guy Tony out into his front yard Ask him some really mundane or stupid question about the car. Like for example, what are the inside dimensions of the glove compartment? And my brother his pals would be right next door laughing their asses off while he went through all these maneuvers Not 50 feet away from where they were sitting looking out the window in my mother's kitchen Well, you get the idea an innocent prank that you could never get away with these days Of course, there's always been lots of dirty horrible pranks, too But note that my brother's pranks were never cruel or at least I don't think they were but Edison you're right Caller ID did kill that sort of innocent fun So you somewhat older listeners out there where you went to pranking on the phone or better yet

[14:22] Have you ever been the victim of a phone prank? Oh and get this one of my brother's most outstanding and famous jokes was well It goes back to when we were kids and there was a bully in the neighborhood Well after high school even college, my brother found out where the guy lived Turns out every year for I'm thinking five maybe even seven years running on that guy's birthday My brother and his buddies would sit in a car outside the guy's house wait for him to go to work They pull into the guy's driveway with my brother's pickup truck and they'd hoist a used toilet Right up on the guy's first-story shingle roof. So everyone driving by could see it Now this was in the 90s before smartphones and nice camera Anyway, after the deed was done He'd call me and all his buddies and say get in your car and take a ride by that time

[15:09] You'd see neighbors on the sidewalk looking up and gawking Imagine if you saw something like that in a nice quiet middle-class neighborhood a used toilet propped up on somebody's roof The point was to drive this guy the old bully crazy I mean look would it drive you crazy if that happened to you every year on your birthday? With absolutely no idea what it was for or why kind of gives you an idea of just how eccentric my own family With my family never a dull moment. I know I know what a digression Well, let's get back to our main theme living in Latin America Let's start with a little news out of Mexico remember a couple of shows ago I was talking about how top-level Mexican narcos will hire a Mexican musical group a famous Latino band a mariachi band Whatever to write an inspiring song about that particular narco then of course you'd have a sponsor

[15:58] He'd make sure you were flush with money had plenty of gigs Not to mention many private gigs specifically for narcos that paid extremely well turns out there are so many of these songs being written Glorifying narcos, they're called narco Corridos. It's an actual music genre Oddly enough just like rap songs up in the states with terrible demeaning disgusting lyrics. Did I say crap songs? slip of the tongue Anyway, like crap songs They seem to have caught on with the public like wildfire causing certain Mexican state government to pass laws against those songs being played in public in fact when the famous Mexican bandleader Lewis R Conriquez was forced to flee a stage two weeks ago as Fans rioted when he announced that he was not allowed to sing any more narco Corridos

[16:47] Well somehow as you may have expected the narcos themselves who love those songs Seemed to have gotten to Mexican president Claudia shine bulb Who just a few weeks ago was all for banning those songs in Mexico? But now last Monday, she's announced that she's done on about face that she now opposes the ban on songs glorifying narco traffickers What does that sound like to you? She claims now she changed her stance because her government's opposed to censorship once again showing us who really Runs things in Mexico not the politicians, but the narcos In fact, I've talked to a few Mexicans about this and they all told me to a person that shine bombs only in power Because the narcos want her to be

[17:34] That's comforting news, huh? She says her government stands for free speech. Yeah, what a flimsy stand-on free speech She says her government cannot ban art. Yeah, right. What the Since when our song is glorifying narco traffickers considered art Well, maybe in the minds of mental midgets and corrupt politicians on the take enough said about that Changing gears a bit just came across an interesting article on how people get ripped off at airports That means you me and all travelers You might think airlines themselves are thieves with the prices they charge the terrible service the sweaty lines and all those extra baggage fees Being piled on let's forget about that for a second and talk about real airport thieves Anyway, this article says airport thieves are secretly spending the day in airports hiding among us

[18:25] posing as Travelers themselves the secret is to get past security and it's the main airport to mingle Especially in a duty-free section turns out airports seem like safe havens with all the abundance security and checkpoints However, there are organized groups of thieves robbing passengers and duty-free shops at will as that ever happened to you Turns out one of the latest most profitable scams is that robbers will purchase airline tickets So they can steal from passengers without ever having to board a plane It says criminals need only to pass through security access at the boarding gates To easily take advantage of tired and weary passengers and after stealing the goods They disappear into the maze of passenger chaos. It says the thieves are there every time you walk into an airport

[19:15] They're walking through terminals like regular travelers. Nobody stops them They rarely get caught and when they do no one seems to follow up It says the more sophisticated thieves aren't even stealing physical belongings. They're using the airports USB charging ports it's a particularly risky proposition to charge your phone or your devices at airports as Cyber criminals can hack them to access traveler banking and other info as long as you're plugged into a charging port Most airports have rest stations with rows and rows of charging ports people come in going Plugging in and out all the time and the cyber thief will just sit there sipping his coffee all day His laptop open USB device plugged into one of those ports scanning information from devices plugged into the other ports

[20:01] All right be Johnny here You know, I mentioned this a long time ago in the show probably three or four years ago now So then what are your options? You could do one of two things Never charge a phone or a laptop at an airport or you can go on Amazon in for ten bucks by a one-way charging port Yep, it's a tiny thing. It looks just like a flash drive You plug that in first into the charging port then you plug your phone laptop device Whatever into that thing and there'll be no data transfer at all It'll only allow charging of your device I travel with one of those things is with me at all times and in all the years I've had it I've only had to charge my phone in an airport two times So I plugged it in and even though I know about hackers I felt comfortable about it. Remember like I said, it's a tiny little thing no bigger than a small flash drive speaking of a

[20:50] sophisticated cyber airport thieves Some people some burglars use near field communication scanners to extract your data From your credit card as they walk by you or as you're using your credit card at one of those little coffee shops What you might not know is that guy sitting closest to the card swiper sipping his own coffee Complete with briefcase and luggage trolley might be sitting on the stool at the bar next to the card swiper Because that's the ideal place to be to steal bank card data You'll never know if the guy sitting there is a bona fide weary traveler like you or a guy who's picking off your bank numbers And the card swiping thief himself flies under the radar until days later when the cards owner spots an unauthorized

[21:40] transaction Almost always coming from a foreign country which makes the crime extremely difficult to trace and prevent which brings us to another kind of relatively new airport thievery scam Unfortunately travelers also have to remain vigilant After they've actually boarded the plane and are sitting in their seats The in cabin thief will wait for the lights to dim during the flight He'll wait for passengers to fall asleep Then quietly go to the overhead bins unzip bags and take what he wants These days most people carry their most expensive items in their carry-on luggage their real jewelry cash They're nice electronics Apparently most cabin thieves do get away with it because there are no cameras on board not yet

[22:28] Anyway, so most people don't even know they've been robbed until they've left the airport and are in their hotel Oh, and by the way, it doesn't pay to lock your carry-on luggage because cabin thieves have stealthy lock picking devices They can pick a lock and have a zipper open in three seconds, which brings us to baggage handlers and crew members Unfortunately, they're not without sin themselves Many have been found guilty of robbing passengers and other crew members as well Hmm interesting article, but what they failed to tell you is that there's another set of airport thieves legal airport thieves TSA question how many times has the TSA taken something away from you and said you can't take this with you on the plane Not allowed or not within our parameters hand it over. Yeah. Well, I guess that's happened everyone

[23:16] So what happens to all that stuff? Certainly it doesn't end up in a dumpster. Just saying in fact I remember an interview with a TSA employee Their camera was shot from the back. He wanted to remain anonymous He said there are storage facilities holding tens of thousands of just Swiss army knives that they've confiscated along with tens of thousands of different kinds of bottles and Scissors knives, etc. Some of it real expensive stuff the scumbags then again considering the way you're treated when you go to an airport and those cramped horrible sweaty conditions and coach It's usually such a miserable experience all things considered Many people would say once you buy a ticket you've been ripped off before you even got to the airport

[24:02] Oh, and here's a little trick I learned by hook and crook after I got something stolen from my overhead luggage Always put your carry-on bag in the overhead locker Opposite of where you're sitting that way you've got one eye on it all the time if it's right above your head or any overhead Compartment on your side of the aisle. You got no eyes on it at all for the whole flight bottom line There are tons of cameras everywhere within the airport, but none it seems in airplane cabins Meanwhile down in South America Colombian President Gustavo Petro has accused the Trump administration of revoking his Travel visa to the US now the reason I'm bringing this up because Suspending travel visas to the US for foreign nationals those extreme gringo wannabes is I think the best and most painful

[24:48] Psychological punishment of all, you know all foreign senators Congressmen, they're called dip your battles down here cabinet members presidents vice presidents, etc And their families, of course have visas to the US They go back and forth all the time They love going to the United States flying back and forth to Disney World chopping in Miami visiting their million dollar condos in South Beach Purchased with the money they stole from their own country's coppers You know almost all middle and high level Latin American politicians follow the Clinton Obama and Zelensky playbook You know, they spend some years in government making a hundred or so $2,000 a year then once they get out of office you find out they've got four or five Mansions strewn across the world each one of them worth ten or twenty million bucks

[25:35] How'd that happen? The thing is most everyone in the US federal government, especially the State Department knows that Latin American bureaucrats and diplomats are absolute Scoundrels who like to wander their money by buying US real estate And you know most of these guys especially the very high-level ones end up being prosecuted by their own governments Once they're out of politics and normally what they do then is they become fugitives end up living in one or two or three of their Million-dollar mansions in places like my jammy or some adjacent Latin country that they've heavily invested in therefore welcomed with open arms like Panama That's why I think the federal government of the United States just now is discovering that one of the best ways to punish a foreign Politician scoundrel and most all our scoundrels with the exception of a very tiny few like Malay

[26:20] President of Argentina and buccal a president of El Salvador in any event The United States has always had huge leverage on these guys and could drop the hammer and make all those corrupt gringo wannabes squirm Simply by cutting them off from their million-dollar condos and apartments Witness the president of Colombia right now. He's whining in the media that his visa to the US has been canceled boo-hoo Excellent idea all around a muscle that needs to be flexed Looks like a job for Elon Musk and his doge boys, huh? Do a worldwide AI search for all corrupt politicians That is everyone who's been found guilty of any financial crime or felony in their own country and cancel their US visa privileges Oh, and if you think that's unfair Hell if you or I had a felony or a financial conviction up in the states

[27:07] We couldn't get a visa to travel in most countries outside the states In fact when you're convicted of a felony in the states You generally can't even get a passport because remember it says right there on that passport application Have you ever been convicted of a felony? I rest my case again I repeat the easiest way to hurt a privileged Latin American gringo wannabe Cancel their travel privileges to the US. They'll squirm and cry like little babies You've been listening to the expat files living in Latin America If you need some help with your own plan B We can schedule a one-on-one phone or Skype consult Just send me an email the expat files at gmail.com And if you want to get on the waiting list for my next week long expat insider seminar in Central America Where you're guaranteed to get a two to five year head start on your plan B

[27:55] Send me an email the expat files at gmail.com