#1374 – The Expat Files: Home Decor, Politics, and Life in Oaxaca

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came up to play and now as I wonder Hello there all you ex-pad wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started All right. Here's a little tip for you guys out there who have Latina girlfriends wives or whatever First let's backtrack a bit Let me start out this rant by saying if you are the states that have American wives and girlfriends, etc

[00:46] You do let them decorate your house, right? That's the normal way of doing things My dad decorated nothing my mud did everything she selected everything all the colors all the patterns all the carpets This silverware patterns the doilies. Yeah, they had doilies back then. You know what those are. Well You're old then it's sort of tradition that women sort of decorate the house Don't they unless of course you have a gay brother in the family then he'll chip in but in lieu of that 99% of the time it's the women who do the decorating Is that sexist does that sound sexist if it does switch channels watch Oprah. Anyway, you know, it's women I mean they get the last word on the furniture and the wallpaper and the paint color coordination the whole works Of course you the guy might contribute five or ten percent to the project, but she basically makes the final call. I

[01:37] Know I know what you're thinking get to the Latin American stuff Johnny. Hold your horses. Hold your horses. I'm getting there The fact is North Americans gringas are good at that stuff. They're pretty good decorators in general Why wouldn't they be I mean in my own mother's house and she was just a professor She had a stack of all the right magazines good housekeeping better homes and gardens Even the occasional expensive glossy magazine like Metropolitan home or architectural Digest Of course, you couldn't afford most of that stuff nor a decorator But you know, you got to have your dreams right plus they give you ideas I don't know about you. But I as an American guy appreciated that when I lived up in the States Normally us guys don't care that much because we know if it's in the hands of a woman the home decoration stuff is gonna turn out

[02:23] Just fine. Well, here is a big tip when it comes to decorating your house or apartment down here in Latin America For one thing you never see expensive glassy home decoration magazines or even the cheap ones around the house Sure, they've got them at the checkout counter at the big grocery stores But almost no one buys them no one I've ever seen anyway Except maybe the occasional old lady who looks like she's got some dough Why because Latinos and Latinas have very little disposable income if they buy a better homes and gardens magazine That means probably one or two less sandwiches for the week The moral of that story is there's consequences So don't ever assume Latinas have the same decorating sense as American ladies do They just have not put all those hours into the subject like American ladies have done And you know, all those house beautiful cable shows where people are doing all kinds of arts and crafts projects to spiff up their houses

[03:14] Well, I'd say for every ten of those shows up in the states. There's maybe one on Latin American TV That's true. Even with those house renovation shows that are so popular up in the states Those shows are not a thing down here. They get no viewers now Here's the irony Latin ladies often dressed to the nine sexy and sharp You can't believe with such limited disposable income how they can pull it up But don't ever assume that talent translates directly to interior decoration. It does not at least is my experience Here's the thing. I've had more than a few latina girlfriends and none of them had any talent whatsoever for interior decoration Yet they dress so well and so meticulously that even when they go to the bank It looks like they're going out for a photo shoot, but when it comes to decorating a home They just do not have it. In fact, I've been in so few houses here in Latin America where anything at all matched

[04:04] Sometimes it seems as if the lady of the house is colorblind and they don't know how to hang or mount pictures man There is an art to that, you know, and they just don't have it I'm telling you the vast majority of Latin American houses when you enter you feel like you're in a velvet Elvis painting Now there's a comment that shows my Asia Velvet Elvis paintings man that brings back memories at one time. They were everywhere man. They were awful Surely millions were cranked out. Where are they now? Anyway, most Latin American houses when it comes to decorations. It's as if the decorations were courtesy of the Schmange brothers remember the Schmange's SCTV I'm showing my age again. Anyway, you could blame it on the fact they have very little disposable income But even Latinos with money by the worst mismatched junk available

[04:51] Let's put it this way if you've ever been to a cheap and gaudy Las Vegas hotel That would be considered high-end interior decoration here in Latin America Now this might sound cruel, but it's the absolute truth here in Latin America. Just like up in the States There'll be some model houses or condos in any new subdivision, you know Where the decorations are nice and well appointed because for the model houses and apartments They had a real interior decorator come in and it's true down here in Latin America The universities offer that degree on associates and the Cynthia Tuda that would be a bachelor's degree in Interior decorating but guess what surprise surprise have never met a single Latino or Latino who's ever Contracted or used one, but they will use them to decorate a brand new model home in a new project

[05:37] So then all the people who come through to buy houses and lots will see how well appointed those model units are It's a big selling point too because they're all thinking yeah If I move here my place will look just like that, but it never ever will In fact a year or two later when all the houses are bought and everyone's moved in the only place that's ever gonna look that Well appointed is the model home itself because that will sell as furnished But it won't take long for the new owner to add his or her personal touches Which will throw the whole decorating scheme way out of balance. Once again I'll tell you that innate Latino lack of decorating sense carries all the way up through the wealthy classes, too In fact sometimes when Latinos have ungodly amounts of money their taste is horrific down here amongst the wealthy classes

[06:24] I've seen bad taste on an epic scale though Sometimes it seems here in Latin America anyway the richer you are the more taste you think you have yeah I know that sometimes happens up in the states too and someone comes in to new money like for example wins the lottery or it Gets a big inheritance But normally up in the states anyway rich folks have the sense to hire an interior decorator while here in Latin America So they go ahead and build these monstrosities and decorate them like a velvet Elvis painting now You boomers in Gen Xers might remember some of those news stories back in the 90s where some Arab sheik or Indian Prince buys a big mansion in Hollywood or Beverly Hills and goes to town remodeling They painted pink and put some gold elephants outside have a giant statue of Shiva in the driveway

[07:13] You know the Hindu goddess with eight arms and that did not go down well with the neighbors You might remember a lot of those cases hit the news same thing happened in Chicago when mr. T bought a mansion I don't have to tell you what that looked like But I'll tell you the neighbors sure went nuts at least here in Latin America wealthy Latinos really maintain the exterior of their houses Mostly because they have a team of professional gardeners. That's why so many houses look spectacular from the outside But once inside sometimes you can't help but feel you walked into a rummage sale to me It almost seems like wealthy Latinos and Latinas have a built-in aversion to empty wall space They just don't like seeing bare wall. So they fill those spaces with all kinds of mismatched junk Fancy mirrors diplomas statues lights almost none of it seems planned. It's just a collection of stuff

[08:05] Oh and welcome to the world of big heavy pleated drapes like a curtain in a theater It seems wealthy Latinos love heavy drapes Of course, they always dark in a room and black out the Sun But hey you longtime listeners have heard me say time and time again Interiors of most Latino houses are almost always way too dark Lots of wealthy old Latinos have homes that would be perfect to film a vampire movie Oh and wealthy Latinos love their indoor fountains and waterfalls What a horrible idea, of course, they eventually leak and the place ends up smelling and looking like mildew You know how stale the air smells when you walk into a room that's got an indoor swimming pool It's the same effect when you have an indoor fountain or waterfall

[08:50] Not the nicest of smells you could say but they got their waterfall and that impresses all their friends for sure I can't tell you how many wealthy Latino houses I've been in where you walk into a room and they've got a wall of running water normally a full wall of tile or rocks with a stream trickling down 24-7 all lit up to and I suppose as a visitor. I'm supposed to be impressed Sorry, I'm not Do I sound like a jerk? Yeah, well you can pretend to like it you can fake it After all you are a guest in the guy's house and he is trying to impress you Hey, at least they saved their bad taste for the interior of the house There certainly are some fantastic looking houses down here Though another place the architects really fall down here in Latin America is on the floor plane

[09:39] Most houses even very expensive houses are not Ergonomically designed the room and closet placements are not well thought out seems No one's thought about traffic patterns at all For example, how many steps it might take to get from refrigerator to stove to sink and back and forth again It seems as if most Latino architects haven't gotten around to figuring that out yet though I'm sure they must study that in school. Hell. They've got 3d software programs That'll do it for you then again Latin cops are supposed to study traffic law too But somehow they don't enforce it But back to that original point that you just might be sorry if you let your Latina wife or girlfriend decorate your house Then again, a lot of guys maybe even most guys just don't care. They get a house or apartment It's got nothing in it. They just say go ahead furnish it you do it

[10:28] Oftentimes an American guy does not want to be bothered with that stuff He just wants to come home and flop down on a couch and grab the remote control sit down and just sort of vegetate Anyway, just a little heads up just warning you if you've got the least bit of decorators sense yourself You best not leave it up to your Latina girlfriend or wife You just might regret it now a lot of you are probably saying what the hell is Johnny know about interior decorating Well, maybe just enough to be dangerous. But here's what I will tell you in my university days back in the States I had a girlfriend who was an artist went to art school got an MFA masters and fine arts and all She taught art to in the public schools. She was a very good artist, but not good enough to make a living at it That's how it works for 99 out of a hundred people who get an art degree

[11:15] Which is why she taught out at school because she couldn't make a living selling art Yep There certainly are millions of frustrated artists out there a very bad choice of careers if you're thinking about lifetime monetary earnings Anyway, as you might imagine if you're with an artist girlfriend for a couple of years She's gonna teach you a thing or three about art color combinations design and where to hang your pictures Because I was a little thick for me It was more about what not to do how not to combine more than three primary colors how not to clutter up spaces How not to light a room. She also taught me a lesson about dressing up and buying clothes She says if you're in doubt about your ability to select clothes or combination In other words, if you're a fashion dunce like most nerds and engineers like me are she says go to a nice man

[12:00] Store and check out the mannequins that are completely outfitted just by everything. The mannequin is wearing everything You can't go wrong because mannequins are outfitted by people who know what the hell they're doing Same thing. She said for buying furniture go into a nice furniture store. They've got model rooms all set up completely furnished sofas and tables lamps pictures on the wall She told me if you've got no interior design sense and you know it by the whole room lock stock and barrel Lamps pictures and tables throw pillows knickknacks and all you can't go wrong because those model rooms are put together by interior decorators Who know exactly what they're doing a hell of a lot more than you by the way That's why so many of my engineering buddies appear like they have class. They like me don't really have much class

[12:47] They're just a student enough to buy what's on the mannequin or have their wives and girlfriends dress them up So anyway for all you guys you gringles and next pats out there I'm just telling you right up front when you get a Latina girlfriend or wife Weird items and knickknacks will start appearing around your house lots of stuff that just won't fit in Will that bug you you think let me put it this way Latinos will bring with them lots of stuff that has sentimental value that to you is pretty much junk a stool a chair a Dining room table framed pictures awards and diplomas that sort of seen better days You know you're not gonna be able to talk her out of it Of course gringas up in the states have things of sentimental value to down here Latina's carry that sentimental value thing to an extreme limit

[13:32] They just don't want to throw anything away enough said about that. Maybe too much said about that, but just be prepared Try to get a handle on it early on or little by little your wall space will start to disappear Alright moving on remember last week when I was mentioning how I thought it was sort of Pointless and a waste of time for gringo's the next pass down here in Latin America to continually scroll on their cell phones Looking for tidbits of political information. I'm talking about politics up in the states My view is you already voted with your feet you're down here in Latin America, so forget most to all that crap Isn't that one of the reasons why you got the hell out of Dodge in the first place, right? or maybe not Because after that little rant I got a few emails from people saying Johnny you're wrong

[14:23] Expats will always have great interest in the political shenanigans going on up in the states in fact one emailers analogy Was that it's kind of like being a Catholic you could renounce all of that call yourself an atheist if you want But deep down there's always those little remnants. You can't shake off. Yeah, well that I can relate to but American politics No, sounds fair, and then there's this email from Robert though He says greetings from the luscious land of eternal spring here in the Mexican state of Oaxaca. I say it right now, don't I? Oaxaca was always a tough one for me. Remember? I'm a Spanish dunce Anyway, Roberto says I'm much appreciative of your work I've been listening on a regular basis now for over a decade and I've learned a lot while I agree with Generally 98% of what you say I would like to push back a bit on your recent comment regarding abandoning any preoccupation with US politics

[15:13] My reasoning is basically twofold first for those of us whose budget here in bean landia revolves around Social Security Getting that check that means we're still tethered a bit to the US government economy and thus I keep an eye on politics He says in mild defense of us lower budget social security gringos I will say that not all of us are bottom scraping scamming bum types Though I certainly see a contingent of these types here in Oaxaca So they're here there and everywhere. In fact, he says the most toxic of that variety come pre-programmed with leftist Woke tired mindsets and very close minds in my own case He says and in my defense it was medical bankruptcy due to stage 4b cancer 25 years ago

[16:00] That caused me to permanently step off that 9 to 5 treadmill and for me anyway It's been a wonderful life here living south of the border in a quiet beautiful countryside Otherwise known as the compo area. All right Roberto me Johnny here jumping in for a second just to clarify We call it the boonies the outskirts, but not the burbs. We're talking about what the folks here in Latin America call El Campo sounds like camping doesn't it Campo. Don't forget it. That's a good memory aid. So the boonies is El Campo So then Roberto goes on to say Johnny call me a hopelessly enchanted converted country bumpkin if you must but the costs are low and the Compassinos the country dwellers are for the most part very friendly and accepting and they're as close to nature as you might imagine

[16:49] But as every rose has its thorn and every avocado its pit Wonder where you pick that one up Shakespeare or guns and roses Anyway, he says all of this wonderment south of the border is supported by the unpleasant reality of the monthly check The Social Security check in a mail from a dying Empire up north So it behooves us folks who cash in that monthly stipend to keep an eye on the ticking time bomb up north I'm talking about that irresponsible USA federal budget and its intimate dependence on US politics and those Federal Reserve Banksters and Johnny my second reason for watching US politics is simply the fascination of watching epic history unfold before our eyes

[17:35] if the global economy can be likened to a giant decadent music festival then the USA is the main stage where a Tragic dark comedy is playing out with drunken manic depressive drugged-out rock stars burning out on stage before our eyes Now that's real end of the world Armageddon stuff if you ask me Then he says for those of you who are on the fence sitting with a dusty plan B crumpled in your hot little hand Maybe it's time you have a look at it again dust it off and sneak out of the concert hall before the crowd panics There is that human nature thing, you know when there's panic someone yells fire. There's a mad rush to the exit people get trampled You don't want to be that guy. It means that as you exit Make sure you choose to exit smart Latin America and you'll be golden

[18:23] Definitely do not take the exit doors labeled shitstorm USA Roberto ends by saying that's my two pesos with Johnny from the cheap seats here in a brown country Thanks for the good journalism you do Johnny signed Roberto Alright Roberto. Thanks for that By the way speaking of the US election and the ability of maybe 20 million illegal aliens in the states Hypothetically being able to vote and of course the Republicans libertarians I know aren't convinced that's the plan and I can't really argue with him about that because I've talked to many illegals down here On their way through and many many more who've been deported Multiple times you've heard me talk about those stories here on the show

[19:10] But did I tell you about some traveling Venezuelans I ran into who had Biden t-shirts. Yeah You know these Catholic charity and George Soros and US government funded NGOs down here Set up at most every border crossing where the masses of illegals are plotting on through they give food bottled water medical aid and Biden t-shirts However, when you run into a Democrat down here and you talk to him about that hypothesis that it's all about getting the illegals to Vote they poo-poo it deny it to the bitter end because you know illegal aliens can't vote and technically that's right Though there are sneaky ways around it We know that but then you might think if you're an illegal alien and you finally got into the states You'd want to kind of lay low, right? Would you ever even think of walking up to government property?

[20:00] Stating your name and whatever else and not understanding a bit of English Of course walking into a booth and pulling a lever if you were an illegal alien in a foreign country You're fully aware that people get picked up by the cops or ice and deported for various things Hey, I'll just being in the country's any legal act hell I keep thinking if I was one of those guys I'd be laying so low for the first couple of weeks or months I'd probably only slither out at night What's so disturbing is that I saw so many people way back when with Obama phones and now I'm seeing them with Biden t-shirts That's deep down here in Latin America. Someone's been planning this a long long time I'm still thinking once you're in the States, you're illegal. You know it and you don't speak English Why would you ever want to go on government property take a chance and commit another illegal act by casting an illegal vote?

[20:48] Well, guess what just this weekend by hook and crook. I got those questions answered The thing is since I speak Spanish not the greatest but people understand me when your Spanish is finally good enough to communicate Decently with the natives they're glad to talk to you and they start telling you things You'd never hear just conversing in English then going through an app on your translator Like for example, I've been hearing for the last couple months or so From Latinos down here who don't speak English. They're telling me that Trump if elected will deport all the illegals Of course, if you're a US citizen, you know, that's impossible There are Latin countries that say they will not accept their own people back They won't let the planes land Besides that every illegal in the United States knows if he ditches his passport and has no documentation at all

[21:37] Then there really is no country to deport him back to how is that for a catch-22? So I was it that every Latino here in Latin America knows that if Trump gets elected All his friends and relatives up in the states are gonna get deported back or at least that's what they think Which to them would be a huge disaster because then all those remisses coming in from the folks up in the states You know those monthly Western Union transfers to mom back home that would dry up and be a disaster So now and I'm hearing this first hand now it behooves every illegal Latino living up in the states So they think anyway to do everything they possibly can to make sure Trump does not win Best way of course is to vote Democrat. Anyway talking with some Venezuelans this week. They said they would not take the risk and vote They don't have to they were speaking for their Venezuelan buddies and family up in the states

[22:24] They told me they don't need to vote because they're under special conditions They're in a different category considered political exiles if caught up in the states They can't be deported because Madero won't take him back He's actually made that his official policy and talked about it on TV So they don't have to go to the voting booth to kick out Trump and maintain their status once they get to the states They're automatically in but all the other illegal Latin Americans in the states are scared shitless of Trump Anyway, I was curious so I looked it up and according to ballot pedia You can look it up yourself B-a-l-l-o-t-p-e-d-i-a. I'm reading this direct from their website as of April 2024 35 US states require some form of ID at the polls of those states 24 of them mandate photo ID while 11 allowed non photo ID

[23:14] Which are easily falsified or substituted by the way some form of ID could even be a library card Costco membership card or even an ancient blockbuster video card Oh and get this doesn't say valid ID, whatever that is or us ID It just says some form of ID, but here's the important part according to ballot a pedia It says the remaining 15 US states do not require an ID to vote in person on Election Day 15 states. Did you know that? Well, I was wondering and maybe you were too Oh and would it surprise you to know that three of those 15 states that don't require any ID at all The vote are New York, California and Illinois So in the end as far as the election lots of people have asked me Johnny, who do you think will win?

[24:02] well, all I know is the US is like a freight train heading for a cliff if Harris is driving its full speed ahead of Trump's driving Well, he'll hit the brakes, but it's still going over that cliff and as to who I think will actually win the election I'm thinking it depends how well the Democrats can cheat. Oh and speaking of illegal aliens around the world get this I got this email from a chiffon S VEN from Sweden. He says Johnny Thanks for the great shows. I've been learning so much over the years from your podcast until I found it I felt there was nowhere for me to go. I live in Sweden where things are even worse than the US He says I'm writing this as a big warning to the US and Canada You should close your borders immediately and throw out as many illegals as you can

[24:52] He says I don't want to sound like an alarmist but way back 10 years ago in 2015 I took a train from southern Sweden to the capital. I paid my ticket like every other person He said that was the first time I took a train in probably five years five years earlier in 2010 I was living in a relatively calm and functioning Sweden in 2010 the train was filled with guess who Swedes a hundred percent of Swedish people By 2015 just five years later. The train was full of men migrant men all Talking to each other but not in Swedish Remember Johnny that was 2015 ten years ago. It was on that train trip in 2015

[25:39] I a Swede had to pay for my ticket then I discovered Every one of those migrants was traveling for free. It's the law like everything else in Sweden Migrants also get free dental care health care rent driving license school tuition school lunches and daycare for their kids and much much more these trains Johnny Continued to be filled with migrants. He said I looked up the official figures in 2015 Sweden let in Five hundred thousand that's a half a million men in 2015 alone and Our country at the time only had five million inhabitants. He says now ten years later. My Sweden is unrecognizable Meanwhile, he says our population is growing the migrant population is having a baby boom and the native Swedish population

[26:29] fading away Big warning to the US and Canada. He says unless you think that's acceptable Wow Sven, thanks for filling us in I did hear that Sweden had a huge uptick in crime Sounds like your country's lost and you know at time to vote with your feet Sven and Finally comes an email from Horace. He says Johnny who says Americans have become mostly soft fat and weak How would you know you don't even live here? Take me? For example, he says I'm an average American who's getting stronger and stronger every day Fitter and fitter and I can prove it and it's got nothing to do with those epic Believe it or not. I can now carry a hundred dollars worth of groceries with just one hand Could never do that in the trump days

[27:16] Three cheers for America. Yippee signed Horace Hmm. Well, thanks for that Horace sounds to me like that's reason five thousand eight hundred and twenty six Why it's time to get the hell out of Dodge. So Horace How's your plan be coming? So You've been listening to the expat files living in Latin America If you need some help with your own plan be we can schedule a one-on-one phone or Skype consult Just send me an email the expat files at gmail dot com And if you want to get on the waiting list for my next week long expat insider seminar in Central America Where you're guaranteed to get a two to five year head start on your plan B Send me an email the expat files at gmail dot com. No spamos