#1355 – The Expat Files: Life in Argentina, Cultural Perceptions, and More

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came up to play and now as I wonder Hello there all you ex-pad wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started Well, I'm still in Argentina and if you're down here, you'll notice it's a completely different culture than well What I'm used to I've been living in Central America for a long long time You heard me mention on the last show that although Argentines speak Spanish and they speak a kind of high-end Spanish, too

[00:48] All other Latin American country residents recognize that It's kind of what you might call high-end haughty It's one reason why other Latin Americans think Argentines are kind of uppity closer to the mother tongue Spanish in Spain And my take on it and I speak Spanish with maybe 80% fluency but I can tell other Latin American country accents and Might take on Argentine Spanish a lot less slang a bit more proper than what I'm used to hearing in Central America anyway By the way, I've been asking Argentines their opinions about other Latino countries, you know their general impression Well, most of them believe Chile is sort of on par with them in progress culture orderliness hygiene They think Brazilians have well to put this harshly a monkey gene

[01:39] somewhere stuck in there with their human genes That they've got sort of a thin veneer of culture that could easily under stress flip to jungle law Whatever that is. I don't know about that. But that's what they're telling me Oh and Argentines don't have a lot of respect for Colombia because of the narco connections and all that Though they do admit the Argentine guys and girls Admit that Colombian and Venezuelan women Are the hottest and sexiest of Latina women speaking of Venezuelans? They really look down on Venezuelans because of the diaspora, you know all the illegal Venezuelans flooding into the neighboring countries and the rumor has it amongst Argentines anyway that 90% of the serious crimes committed in Argentina are done by illegal Venezuelans and

[02:29] The rest they say are done by illegal Peruvians. In other words pure Argentines commit no crimes, which cannot be the case, right? Which may or may not be true. I'm just telling you what I'm hearing on the street from Argentines in general Oh and get this and speaking with a bunch of 20-something Argentines the other day Argentine males they tell me they'd all love to have a Venezuelan girlfriend But not a Venezuelan wife. Why because they say that all the Venezuelan ladies who've escaped from Venezuela You know snuck out or whatever they wall so they tell me have some kind of tragic backstory that is most all of them have been through some very bad shit just to survive and They carry that with them deep down inside somewhere You know that adolescent and childhood trauma that lots of shrinks talk about in fact one Argentine guy

[03:19] Told me that Venezuelan girls are sort of like Russian girls beautiful sexy, but with lots of psychological flaws and defects that You won't pick up on right away Because guys he's talking about Argentine guys now are just blown away by a first impression when they first meet him They're much more outgoing spicy and well sexy now remember in the last show is talking about how Argentines are considered Papa Since oh, you know potatoes without salt That's the opinion. I'm hearing from so many Latinos and Latinas from adjacent countries So young Argentine guys, they're often really bowled over when they meet a beautiful energetic Venezuelan late Most are outgoing extroverted and very expressive while most local Argentine girls are kind of laid-back and subdued

[04:06] again, Papa since I'll kind of says it all I Don't know. Maybe it's the cold in the four seasons. That's tempered the Argentine culture a bit Think how people are in Canada, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan That cold weather does something to you the Argentine climate so much different than the rest of Latin America Most of the rest of Latin America is tropical and subtropical all year round meanwhile You've got Argentina where believe it or not? Snow skiing is a pretty big thing. Oh, but we were talking about what Argentines on the street think of other Latinos Latinos from other Latin country Well, you know, they really do feel in a way They're a little bit more upper class than the rest of Latin Americans, but they really look down their noses at guess who the Mexicans

[04:52] Now get this in discussing Mexico with more than a few Argentines Argentines scrunch their faces a bit You know how people do that when they smell something bad Saying they'd like to take a vacation to Cancun, you know for the beaches and all that But to visit anywhere else in Mexico, no, thanks. Hey, don't kill the messenger I'm just telling you what people on the street are saying here. Oh And here's something you'll only notice if you've got boots on the ground down here You'll never hear it reported on I haven't I've noticed and walking around I've doing a lot of walking miles and miles every day There are lots of vagabonds or street bums or street people in Argentina But they're of a different sort in Latin America. They were referred to as Vago's You know the first couple of letters in the word vagabond Bago

[05:40] The a geo here's what I've noticed down here in Argentina There doesn't seem to be a lot of them at all because they don't congregate on certain street corners So you'll never see them all bunched together But there are lots of them Nevertheless, if you're actually do the numbers and take into account that about every couple of blocks no matter where you are They'll be a street person kind of camped out permanently. They're not in groups. They don't hang together I've noticed it's mostly a single person or a single person with a kid It's just kind of staking out a spot next to a bus stop or a park bench doorway, whatever but let me tell you they're the most well-behaved street people I've ever seen and Orderly, too. They don't collect a lot of junk unlike so many street people up in the States or even in Central America

[06:29] Who can be pack rats? No shopping carts crates or cardboard boxes? Apparently no dumpster diving You just don't see that and there's a reason for it Turns out the average working-class Argentine is a very generous person a lot more generous than the gringos and expats and even Latinos in Central America. I know anyway When it comes to being kind to street people that is what I mean Is that when you walk by one of these street people who's camped out on the corner? You'll see fresh plastic carryout containers that someone's is graciously left for them wrapped deli Sam Which is an even fresh bakery in Starbucks bags? In fact, I've passed a few of these guys on an early morning walk and I've seen normal everyday Argentines on their way to work

[07:15] Just quietly even stealthily dropping off useful stuff like clothes and food in the early hours when their neighborhood Streetperson is still asleep. In fact one day at 7 in the morning. I watched a 40 something lady Drop off a nice folded blanket a pillow and a bakery bag right next to a sleeping street person The guy never stirred and she wanted no recognition for it. She just felt she should do a good deed Now over the past couple of weeks. I passed that guy six or seven times His corner cubby hole was right on the way to one of the subway stations There was a lot of traffic so it's odd to see him living there in that little cubby hole and man he was always well supplied with fresh food and beverages water and soda bottles coffee cups baked goods a

[08:00] Fast-food bag or two perched at his side and never once did he have his hand out never asked for money very strange I saw that same kind of thing dozens of time, you know street guys are vagabonds every couple of streets But never asking for money or anything. Oh and guess what? No windshield wiper guys either Funny thing too I've seen all kinds of vagabonds and street people when I live back in Chicago of course and all over Latin America And I have to say the Argentine street people are the cleanest and most well-behaved street people I've ever seen That is to say I don't mean hygienically clean I just mean since people give them free blankets and clothes and shoes all the time They don't look all that ragtag and like I said, somehow they don't accumulate a lot of junk

[08:46] It seems they have kind of an unwritten rule with the neighbors and local businesses The neighbors will keep them from starving and freezing to death because you know They do have the four seasons down here as long as they don't accumulate things litter up the place and make their little cubby hole Become an eyesore in the neighborhood not a bad deal if you ask me So again, it seems like every neighborhood rich or poor or every couple of blocks There's a street guy or gal being taken care of by the locals you know, I've been to a lot a lot of countries and I've never seen anything like that and again I'm deep in the winter season down here and maybe it's different for street people in the dead of summer But in the winter, that's the way it is Alright switching gears for a second here. You know a last couple of shows

[09:31] I've been talking about gringos expats and divorce and Most of my responses coming from you guys out there have been from men Gringos who were whipsawed even more than once in a divorce up in the states and for some of them that became the incentive The straw that broke the camel's back that got them thinking about the plan B and getting the hell out of dodge But what about divorce and gringas? Now, I gotta tell you I have a sister up in Chicago who's divorced She's back in the dating game and on those Cupid sites She was telling me the other day It's such a minefield up there that she ended up switching to a Christian dating app Because she figured the guys would be a little bit kinder and nicer and there wouldn't be so many guys sending dick pics

[10:16] Or just saying rude things and asking for skin shots So anyway for that past half year or so She's been dating the guys here and there from those Christian Cupid app sites and she says to me Johnny I'm so frustrated with the dating game She said I tried the regular dating apps and they're Christian apps and Still I find all men really want is sex Now I have to admit my sister's very good-looking all my sisters are very good-looking In fact, I was surprised that guys would come up and talk to me try to be my friend people I didn't even know When I was in junior high in high school later to find out they only wanted to be my friend So that I'd put in a good word for one or more of my three sisters Now the thing is if there are good-looking girls in your family and you're their brother, you don't think about that kind of stuff

[11:07] They're nothing special. They're just your dorky sisters It barely even registers even when the rest of the world's telling you how good-looking your sisters are They're just your sisters people you argue with over the car or the bathroom or the phone Yep, back in the day when I was living in my parents house with my brothers and sisters We actually had a real phone with a cord one landline and we fought over it And often it's not till you're well into your adult years that you have some deep Conversations with your sisters and find out what was really going on in their minds For an average guy, it's hard to imagine what goes on in a pretty girl's life Because for the average guy, it's an uphill battle trying to get a date with a beautiful girl Hot girls don't generally go out with average guys not in the US or the first world. Anyway, of course

[11:54] It's a totally different thing here in Latin America Because remember once you step foot down here in Latin America, especially off the gringo tourist trail Whatever number on the 10 scale you thought you were you can add two points to it But back to the real world of living in the United States So the average guy basically lives his young adult and adolescent life in a perpetual state of frustration and rejection I'm talking about the average guy four five or six on the 10 scale so a while ago and my sister started dating guys on those Christian apps and Found out that they too were most of anyway, we're just interested in sex At least that's what she said to me. She said John. Why are guys only interested in sex? Those were her exact words. I

[12:40] Said to my sister, you know all your life You've been complaining about the fact that guys are hitting on you all the time All guys really want is to get you in the bedroom. In fact, all three of my sisters would have that complaint I heard it over and over again. I remember one time I was talking to my middle sister Who would absolutely get rude to guys who were hitting on her. I saw it in action Man, she could be harsh Funny thing though when a good-looking guy hit on her. She'd be much less harsh Isn't that funny one day? I said to her, you know for all you girls you good-looking girls You H9s and 10s who are tired of men bothering you and hitting on you all the time. Stop complaining. Do something about it I've got two words for you get fat Yeah, get fat and then get ready for that long dry stretch of no one paying attention to you

[13:32] Then see how you like your life Because that's basically what it was like for every average guy growing up in the States You know us fours fives and sixes sure we can always date average and below average looking girls But the point was to date a looker That was always the overriding challenge and goal for every young guy though almost always futile that was the goal Full disclosure here. Thankfully that wasn't quite the case for me even though I was a four five or a six, you know, depending on circumstances I Played in a rock band. So I automatically got two points added to my score Still I never hit that magical eight nine or ten range, but really playing in that band made all the difference But I digress. Where were we now?

[14:19] Talking to one of my good-looking sisters who was in the dating game again. So I said to my sister I'm tired of hearing you guys complain about guys hitting on you all the time and wanting sex if you want to solve that problem It's easy. Just get fat She left but I think she got the point you see all through high school in college She hung around with good-looking girls except one named Jane who was fat They felt sorry for her because she had no luck with guys. By the way, my sisters are in shape. They're pleasantly lean Anyway, I said don't complain get fat Then you'll get a little taste of what it was like to grow up as an average guy Facing rejection over and over again till you're numb to it And then I predict sometime in the future we'll be sitting around the dinner table And I'll overhear you girls say with some sadness that men just don't pay attention to me anymore

[15:09] Boo-hoo and you know expat Eddie has a theory on this he says girls You know you good-looking untouchable girls you H9s and 10s who made us average guys feel so small for so long Eddie says and he can back it up with some stats you hot ladies out there After you hit 30 years old when you're at your peak of beauty and desirability Savor that feeling because after that you lose two points a decade Sure plastic surgery will raise you a point or two here and there if you've got the dough But diminishing returns are a fact of life. So bottom line, you can't have it both ways Ladies if you stay in shape, you're gonna get hit on so that's your choice Get hit on and complain or get fat and don't get hit on and complain

[15:57] Oh and by the way ladies if you do have a problem with your weight you are fat or even obese and You are up in the States or Canada or anywhere in the first world and things are just not happening for you Your love life really sucks if you want to change all that just come on down here to Latin America Because Latin guys poor rich middle class doesn't matter Their number one fantasy in the world is to hook up with a real-life gringa any size shape weight income education It does not matter. Of course, they're infatuated with the light-skinned light-haired gringa look But they've got secondary motives, too It's a very classist and racist society and I can tell you for a fact if you're a white gringa It doesn't matter what kind of physical package you come in

[16:45] Every single Latin guy I know Would consider you a better catch than even a super hot or even super wealthy Latina now the following just might get me canceled so Cancel me go for it. I Can't tell you how many conversations I've been in with Latino buddies and acquaintances Latinos. That's Latin men Born Brad and living in Latin America who told me they're absolutely Looking for a light-skinned girl so that their kids will be lighter skinned than they are Which will automatically give them a leg up in life and thus improve the family's gene pool Which is why down here in Latin America lighter skinned Latinas are in great demand as Latino wives That goes for lighter skin Latino guys, too

[17:32] They're in great demand with the ladies But the absolute number one draft choice pick to improve that gene pool would be to marry a light-skinned gringa Now if you think I'm stretching things here you think it's hyperbole I can name about a dozen male Latino friends and acquaintances by name Who've set out to do just that they actually married not for love but to improve the color of their gene pool They've freely admitted it to me, too And if you ever happen to run into me face-to-face ask me that question ask me about the guys I know who purposely made it their mission to marry a light-skinned lady Just so their kids would be a lighter shade than daddy They know damn well that'll make their kids the princes and princesses of the family It's the lighter-skinned kids in any Latino family

[18:20] That get all the extra attention from the mamas and the ants and the grandmas man the ladies don't on them They gush over them. I've seen it in action a hundred times had parties and get-togethers The women are forever talking about the fair-haired or fair-skinned boy or girl in the family He or she's the superstar and they always get a big leg up socially the rest of the Latino world treats him a bit differently, too You get some boots on the ground down here and after a while you'll see it for yourself So what's the basic point of it all Latinos want their kids to appear as much as they can like? Light-skinned gringo kids big surprise, huh? It's part of that unjust but true Phenomena known as the gringo advantage. Hey people might not want to hear this stuff, but I'm not making it up by the way

[19:11] Latino guys married to light-skinned Latinas or even gringas does not in any way guarantee fidelity Latino guys are likely to cheat on their wives and girlfriends no matter how hot how sexy or what skin color Their wife or girlfriend happens to be for Latino guys cheating is a numbers game They're competing with the next guy like a gunslinger. They always need to have an ochre two more on their belt Anyway, if you ever run into me personally pop the question and I'll tell you more actually the stories of infidelity are never ending So if you're really interested in sex love mating and dating romance and all that as it pertains to gringo It's an expats living here in Latin America. I highly suggest you get on YouTube and go to the K Rico podcast

[19:59] Just punching K QUE Rico our Ico He's a good friend of the show and an expert on meeting dating love and romance in Latin America Believe me. His show is taking off in a big way, too He's only been podcasting for about a month less than 10 podcasts and he's already hit over a thousand views At zero to a thousand in one month. Imagine what he's gonna be like in six months or a year Anyway, highly recommended for the Latin American love and romance angle when it comes to gringles and expats. That's a K Rico QUE our Ico Alright, it's time. We take an email. This one's from mr. D from the socialist Republic of Montgomery County, Maryland and I'll edit this a bit. He says Johnny good evening

[20:46] I hope it's going well for you and your mini vacation from the show is going well. I Guess he's talking about the fact that three shows in a row last month. I was not alive. I had some repeats Yeah, sometimes I get way out in the hinterlands in the jungle and I don't like to drag my audio equipment with me He says Johnny. I haven't written to you for some time I wanted to reply though to a couple of your recent past shows But first, please let me know when you plan on holding your next seminar this fall You see I retire at the end of this October the 25th And if it's after this day your seminar that is that is great It also works for me if the seminars before and completed before that date you see on my last day I have to be at work for at least a few hours or things will go to shit from my final payouts Unfortunately, if I'm not there on my last day, they'll delay my OPM from processing the paperwork needed from my pension

[21:38] So Johnny inquiring minds want to know only boomers will get that inference About your seminar. I even have my wife's permission to spend my own money I'm definitely he says gonna get my residency paperwork in Guatemala. Anyway, I'm happy to speak with the expeditors down there to get things going But first just wondering did you see the bits of the recent presidential debate? Good Lord. We are effed Make sure wonder in question whether we'll have a safe and secure election at all and who's running the country now And since we're talking about Biden, I might as well follow up with a late comment on bidets Since the word bidet is just a letter to away from Biden Depending on your point of view, of course and you're feeling about our current shit for brains president I'd say a bidet is infinitely more valuable than a Biden

[22:25] Yes, Johnny bidets are great and whatever home we end up getting in Guatemala All bathrooms will have one nothing like a fresh feeling to help continue your day and at the same time Extend the life of your plumbing All right me Johnny here. Yeah, you know, he's right about standing the life of your plumbing, you know here in Latin America They like to undersize things, you know Instead of a three-inch drain pipe. They'll slip in a two if it calls for a two-inch drain pipe They might slip in a one and a half Anytime it's hidden in a wall or under a concrete slab Contractors to cut corners will try to pull a switcheroo and people will the local Latin people anyway Don't even get pissed off about it They're just so used to the fact if you put toilet paper down the average household toilet You'll clog up the works and have some real trouble

[23:10] So they just routinely shove the dirty toilet paper in the nearest trash can't it's just so Disgusting and why almost all bathrooms here in Latin America smell like shit and even though that's where you go to do your business They're not supposed to smell like that. And when they do, you know, there's something wrong Whether it's the plumbing personal hygiene or lack of maintenance However, when you think about having a bidet man, that would certainly eliminate 90% of the average TP requirements So get up a day. It'll solve two problems and that's all good Then mr. D says Johnny even if some people don't like it and I think it's boring Please keep the solar suggestions coming. He says I'm not a tree hugger not even close more of a traditional conservationist

[23:56] I'm just not a fan of paying money out to the electric company to the city to the state and the federal government month after month So when I moved down, I'll be looking at solar energy, too I also look forward to seeing what options for electric vehicles are down your way Up here in the People's Republic of Maryland. We are primarily stuck with generic ugly ass box shape crap coming out of Detroit Come on who wants to pay 50 to a hundred grand for a car that looks like a box and no style and minimal comfort Lastly Johnny as you have noted often in your podcast It's a tad scary when you think about the large volume of US federal employees from three letter agencies Wanting to pack up all their stuff and move abroad as soon as it's possible or as soon as they retire

[24:41] So I'll close here again, and I hope your travels are going well as for your next seminar I look forward to the details and would like a single room, please by myself I don't particularly appreciate sharing the bathroom plus as my wife says my snoring can wake the dead Signed mr. D from the socialist Republic of Montgomery County, Maryland P.s. Johnny do you all get tornadoes down there in Latin America? just my luck one hit my house and totaled one of our cars and He attached a couple of photos of a tornado whipping through Well, mr. D. Thanks for that and as far as a seminar, of course, I got you on the list Haven't picked the dates yet, but homing in on it

[25:27] Now as far as getting tornadoes, I haven't seen or heard of a single tornado and all the years have been down here But we get the occasional hurricane Which is why I always say and I said this in a past show if you're gonna build on or near the coast anywhere in Latin America Make sure the start of your ground floor, you know where your first step is on your house You're at least 30 feet above the nearest high tide 50 would be even better Because although huge waves and tsunamis are super unlikely But you never know because we're talking about an earthquake country here, too Especially in Central America and as you know if there's a big earthquake off the coast out at sea You could end up with a tsunami Like I said, it's super unlikely But as long as your apartment or house is 30 feet above the high tide line

[26:15] Even if there's a tsunami and you're unlucky enough to be in line for a direct hit There's been practically zero cases in recorded history where a tsunami Has reached the height of over 30 feet above the high tide line, even if your house is very near the beach But hurricanes. Yeah, man, we have hurricanes, which is why you never want to have a stick-built or wood construction or any Substantial walls or ceilings made out of sheetrock, you know, what happens when sheetrock gets wet It swells and when it eventually dries it deteriorates and is practically useless Also, I recommend if you're gonna live in Latin American City, you know, the drainage here is Not so well planned Sure, the drainage ditches in the roads are built to spec But the problem is Latin Americans are huge litter bugs

[27:02] So when there's a big rain there are always tons of plastic wrappers and bottles clogging up the drains So oftentimes especially in busy intersections the water will rise a foot or two That's why if you have a house or apartment in the city Always ask the neighbors about water and how bad it gets during the rainy season or you just might find your driveway and front lawn Occasionally flood it out or like expat It he always says if you're gonna buy or rent an apartment be safe and never get a unit on the first floor You've been listening to the expat files living in Latin America If you need some help with your own plan B We can schedule a one-on-one phone or Skype consult Just send me an email the expat files at gmail.com And if you want to get on the waiting list for my next week-long expat insider seminar in Central America

[27:50] Where you're guaranteed to get a two to five year head start on your plan B Send me an email the expat files at gmail.com