#1326 – The Expat Files: Coffee, Construction, and Community in Latin America

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came out to play and now as I wonder Hello there all you ex-pad wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started Alright today's show is brought to you by caffeine lots of caffeine Well, not so much really. I just thought I'd say that to get you thinking because you know normally I hang out in places that have the best coffee in the world and

[00:47] Really until I came to Latin America I didn't know dick about coffee in my mother's house and throughout the states All we had was Folgers or butternut or Hills Brothers Which we know now was barely coffee. It was just rot-gut and then came even worse Sanka remember that crap. I'll tell you that stuff was more like a toilet bowl cleaner The only thing worse than sank or Hills Brothers or Folgers or those others Whereas the coffee you'd get out of those machines in cafeterias and laundromats man that stuff was filed But what do we know especially when going to college and you wanted to stay alert? And for those of us who absolutely could not stand the taste of coffee Well, one of the ways to get rid of the foul taste of that coffee was to just load up on

[01:33] Sugar and fake powdered creamer. Remember that? I think the mother brand of that plasticized stuff was coffee mate Man, you know, they should plot the consumption of that crap versus the precipitous fall in American IQs I bet there's a direct correlation Anyway, bottom line was I didn't know what real good coffee was until I landed in Latin America years ago And what a great education it was I've had a house in the middle of the Guatemalan coffee fields for years In fact, there are so many coffee plantations in Guatemala and El Salvador You could try a cup from each different plantation every day Then after a year had gone by you still would not have tried them all not by a long shot There's certainly over a thousand coffee plantations in Guatemala alone

[02:20] Most of them really small plots of land an acre or two though some plantations are massive now as for me I switched from maybe six to eight cups a day To just one cup a day in the morning though Sometimes I'll have two or three cups a day when I'm traveling when I need to pick me up You know when you're traveling sometimes you get weird sleeping patterns But when I'm at home, I've been on just one cup of coffee a day In the morning, and I've been sticking to that pattern for about four years now Why because about four years ago when I went for a checkup at the die I was diagnosed with my first persistent chronic illness high blood pressure And I thought hey, I'm not gonna take medication for that if I don't have to I'll try the holistic methods You know try to relax a little more use breathing techniques and get off the coffee

[03:08] I'd already completely eliminated salt from my diet years and years ago In fact, I've got a decanter of that pink Himalayan salt in my kitchen about the size of an eight ounce bottle I've had that thing for about four years now, and it's still three quarters full Oh, and I don't put sugar on or add sugar to anything. I've been off sugar for more than 30 years Though it's funny. I end up buying a five pound sack of sugar at least once a year Why because of my cleaning lady when she's working she cooks her lunch at my place. She just loves her sugar Addicted to it. I'd say like most Latinos and Latinas Oh, and of course, I drink my one cup of coffee a day straight black and hard without any added it except a little sprinkle of

[03:53] Cinnamon, so then why am I mentioning this because if you come to Latin America and you like coffee man You'll be in heaven down here. You can buy the best coffee in the world for five to ten bucks a pound The same stuff days sell for thirty to fifty bucks a pound at Starbucks and other boutique coffee joints In fact some of the small coffee producers the really small ones sell their entire crop to a particular restaurant or hotel chain I know a German coffee producer in Lake Atitlan. I'd say he's got about ten acres of coffee He sells almost every bit of it to a German hotel chain Though he has sold me a few pounds here and there when he's got a bumper crop and he's got a little coffee shop slash lunch counter right in front of his finca think as a farm

[04:38] Where of course if you order a cup of coffee, it's gonna be from his farm And that's what it's like down here amongst the coffee producers if they're quite small they either keep the crop for themselves and their families and If it's really top-notch, they'll sell the whole crap to a boutique coffee outfit Always located of course somewhere in the first world and the big outfits will sell their crops to businesses like Starbucks Oh, and there's coffee co-ops all over to what the hell's that coffee co-op? So let's say you want to start a coffee plantation and you don't have a particular buyer on the line You could sell it to a co-op It's a place anyone could bring their coffee to and they buy it then mix it with a lot of other small producers But they don't get much money for it They'll buy it from you for a buck or two or three a pound

[05:25] Which really isn't fair value, but at least the sellers know they're gonna get something for it By the way at my most recent expat insider seminar, which finished off about a week ago now One of our expat buddies and repeat offender Kelsey came to the seminar bearing gifts He brought along a bag of coffee for everyone attending the seminar a nice guy that he is coffee He'd harvested from his own small farm Kelsey's one of those expats who's a doer not a talker He sees opportunity all over the place one of those guys who came down to one of my very early seminars and decided He liked it so much. He was gonna invest down here So he moved down part-time and one of his investments was a little coffee farm

[06:10] And I have to say his coffee is pretty damn good. So then you might ask why did he pick coffee? And what did he know about coffee? Well, how about absolutely nothing zero nada? But you see that doesn't stop a persistent gringo from going after something now You might wonder how did that idea even form in his mind to get a coffee plantation? That's weird, right? Well, he also started his cement business, but that's a subject for another rant Anyway, as it turns out our seminar lawyer Jose has had a small coffee plantation for 10 or 15 years now And our own captain mango who moved down here to Guatemala by way of Cleveland happens to have a green thumb and was in the family business a Plant and horticulture business back in Cleveland. So it was a natural transition

[06:56] He's been managing that coffee farm of hoses for some years now, too If you ever come down if you were to visit that place you'd see he lives in a nice little house That was built specially for him right on the premises Wait a minute. Wait a minute. I know what some of you are thinking Well, trust me rest assured captain mango is horticulture business back in the States back in Cleveland was completely legal Though we're taking his word on that By the way in some past seminars lawyer Jose has gifted bags of coffee from his farm To our seminar attendees as well. The moral of that story is if you're into coffee Latin America is the place to be of course You could end up drinking way too much of the stuff funny thing too when you do run into people who are addicted

[07:44] They'll tell you about all the research and pointing to all the positive and great things coffee does to your body and system They'll go on and on about the anti-accident and phytochemical effects, etc Etc. The problem is there are just as many studies out there saying coffees not so good for you at all So who's right? Who do you believe? I don't know just saying. All right moving on an email from Craig He says Johnny. I'm new to the kind of construction. They do in Latin America cement block concrete rebar, etc So, I don't know what to use to hang pictures and curtains and heavy things on these type of walls Some people say just hammer concrete nails and you'll be alright. Some people say drill holes and use screws What about a nail gun that uses 25 caliber blanks? Thanks, Johnny looking forward to hearing your responses signed Greg

[08:36] Well, thanks for that Greg. Very good question I wish someone would have discussed that kind of stuff with me when I first got done I made lots of mistakes with walls One was using those 25 caliber bullet nails, you know a hilti gun. They're called not recommended and man after building a bunch of houses down here and fastening countless things on cement and plaster walls even on crappy drywall All I can say is you've come to the right place man You got something to hang on a wall just gets me. I'll tell you how to put it there permanently When I hang or stick something on a wall, it lasts a lifetime two lifetimes But there is such a thing as overkill. I have been accused of that, you know more than once Anyway, what you use to fasten things on walls down here depends whether you're renting or buying

[09:24] Because here's the thing if you're renting and you start hanging pictures and mirrors and stuff Technically, that's all right. You should be allowed to do that. I mean hell you gotta have pictures and mirrors, correct? Problem is when you pack up and leave the place if you don't fill those holes and disguise them nicely The landlord will heavily discount the return of your deposit man That's happened to me and you can't win because he's holding your money What I mean by that is they might just charge you for an entire brand new paint job And I'll tell you that's happened to be twice in my years down here two different times a real dickhead of a landlord Discounted me hundreds of dollars for a brand new paint job just because he didn't think the holes that I spackled over Adequately matched the texture of the adjacent walls which had their own cracks and furrows in them

[10:15] Etc, etc. That was one of those days I was so glad I didn't have a gun in my glove compartment By the way, I later realized that those two horrible landlords that gouged me when I left Just because of those holes which by the way, I did spackle over nicely The only thing was I didn't have any of the original paint to match actually I had a can that I found under the sink, but wouldn't you know it details details when I open the can? There was paint in there. All right, but it was a solid rock hard mass Because the last fool who put it there didn't close the lid property Like I said details details By the way If you can't find the paint that matches or you have a can of paint but it's rock hard Good luck trying to find a match in the paint department at the local hardware store when the paint job in the house is

[11:02] four or five years old By the way, if you want the remaining paint in a can to last for years and years, here's a trick Put some of that clear plastic wrap like saran wrap over the top put the lid on make sure it's tapped down nice and tight Then turn the can upside down and store it on the shelf. I said upside down Yeah, sounds counterintuitive your paint will be fresh even years later But as far as the easiest fastest and best way to hang things permanently on walls down here in Latin America Let's talk about drywall first and you know, I hate drywall I would never use it myself But many times especially if you move into a new place or a newer place you will find sections of drywall It's especially fashionable these days for people to put in drywall drop ceilings so they could put some hidden

[11:48] Indirect lighting I have to say it does look pretty cool But again, it is drywall and Latinos have not yet figured out after 500 years how to handle leaky roofs And as you probably know a little leak will destroy a piece of drywall in a hurry It'll never be the same The only way to bring it back to snuff is to cut out that bad section and replace it with a new piece Which is not a job unless it's a very small section that even a good do-it-yourselfer can handle Replacing and matching drywall and mutting it and getting the seams right and dead flat and level takes a lot of practice And man, I'll tell you I've seen some shit drywall jobs in my day. Even in new houses done by so-called professionals Here's what I found 90% of the time when you have to fix some drywall down here in Latin America

[12:36] It's because there was a water leak That means the very first thing you have to do is check out the roof Windows or doors and suss out where it's seeping in make sure that leaks a hundred percent fixed or it's just gonna happen again And ruin your repair job. Oh, and did I tell you working with drywall is always one of the dirtiest jobs You could do dust and gypsum powder everywhere on your clothes your dressers hair nose shoes lamps drapes Everything all because there's so much sanding and prepping before you can paint it Anyway, I found the number one fastener to use with any drywall when you're hanging a picture or whatever They're called toggle bolt wing nuts. You can get them on Amazon They come in three different sizes with those things. You could hang the heaviest pictures and frames and mirrors and

[13:24] Believe me, they will not work loose. My advice get an assorted box from Amazon and they have them around the house Remember, this is just for hanging things on drywall not for cement or block Now I don't want to get any emails from you guys telling me about other kinds of fasteners for drywall because I've tried them all Sure. All the other ones work for a while, but they all eventually will fail except the toggle wing nut type I'm talking about for one thing. They're all metal. No plastic at all So then how strong are those things? Well, I've hung 50 pound mirrors and window frames, which is one of the bigger ones Remember, like I said, there's three sizes. All right, let's talk about fastening things on to brick and cement walls Well, there's something I learned a long time ago. If you're just hanging a small and light picture frame, for example

[14:12] Now, of course, you're gonna need a power drill. Hopefully it's got a percussion drill setting you know some drills have a setting for regular screws and wood and sheet metal and Decent drills will almost always have a percussion or hammer drill setting it vibrates the drill bit while it's spinning So it penetrates faster do buy a decent drill in a set of assorted concrete drill bits You won't regret it a basic home-use drill and a set of bits. Probably I'll set you back 35 to 50 bucks You know for the average guy he might only use that drill twice a year So it's okay to get a cheap one unless you're into doing yourself projects Then you'll want to spend 50 or 100 bucks and get a commercial or heavy-duty model Then it will sustain a lot of dings and bangs and drops on the floor. For example I have a couple of really expensive commercial drills one a Makita. I dropped from a three-story building

[15:04] Oops, I thought there's a hundred bucks down the drain So I walked down the stairs with a sad face cursing myself out I picked it up and had a big gouge it but hey, it still worked Remember that old commercial takes a lickin keeps on tickin If you're a boomer, you remember that was a Timex watch commercial Anyway, here's a quick and dirty fantastic solution if you're hanging some light Maybe 25 pounds or less on a black brick or concrete wall Yeah, take your drill in an eighth inch or three sixteenth or even a quarter inch concrete bit mark the spot Where you want to drill your hole? Start drilling that hole and when you're in just about a quarter inch not much angle you drill down about 20 degrees And proceed to drill into that wall about an inch and a half deep at that 20 degree angle

[15:51] by the way when I'm doing that myself I always take a piece of masking tape and Tape it on to the drill bit at the one and a half inch mark so I can see what's happening all the time And I know how deep I'm going when you're done drilling that hole take a plastic straw You know regular plastic straw or a paper one if you're a greeny or tree hugger You have paper straws around the house, right? I know you're doing your part like me to save the planet Anyway, you put one end of the straw over the hole you blow into it Yeah with your lips and all the dust and powder packed in that hole will fly into your face But that's okay because you're wearing protective glasses, right? And one of those useless leftover n95 covid it masks You must still have a couple dozen of those useless pieces of shit Stuffed into your junk drawer now, don't you by the way?

[16:38] You should always anytime you drill a hole in a concrete wall use that straw method to blow out any residual powder That might be in that hole Especially if you're gonna do what we're gonna talk about later That is fill the hole with an adhesive like liquid nails Because you know what there will be times you want to hang something really heavy on your concrete cinder block or brick wall Oh just a warning here if you do use liquid nails and permanently place an anchor into a wall It better be in a house that you actually own because if you're renting You might have a dickhead landlord who'll screw you out of your deposit or tell you to take them out and spackle them over And that might not go well And if you do that chances are he'll still screw you out of your deposit Anyway, once you've got that one and a half inch hole drilled at a 20 degree angle and cleaned out blowing out with a straw

[17:25] Or maybe you have an air compressor if you're a serious or even fanatical do it yourself or like me Then you certainly won't need a straw While we're at it. Here's another way to reduce the mess You take your shop vac. I assume all you guys and gals out there have a shop vac I really recommend it if you live in Latin America even if you're not a do-it-yourselfers because it sucks up water a shop vac is a wet dry vac and I have to say at least ten times in my life in the last thirty years or so I had to use my shop vac to suck water from some place inside my house either after heavy rain or a broken water Piper Overflowing shower sink or toilet. It will absolutely come in handy highly recommended wet dry vac Anyway, Annie and every time I drill a hole in a concrete wall even just to hang a picture frame

[18:13] I'll put the suction tip of the shop vac right under the drill bit as it's spinning sucks up all the powder and the dust Never even hits the floor. There's no cloudy dust in the air either Anyway, once you've drilled that hole for your picture frame or whatever you take a two-inch common nail or finishing nail Shove it in that hole and you're done Sure, it seems loose and you can wiggle it around but gravity is your best friend here Now you can hang your picture or mirror on the little nail head that's sticking out about a quarter inch from the wall There's no way that picture is gonna fall unless you have a catastrophic earthquake or your picture frame or mirror is flimsy as shit Another reason I really like that method is if you move from the place, let's say you're running There's just a tiny little hole that you could spackle up in a second Alright, so that's for hanging pictures and mirrors and stuff

[19:00] But what about when you're fastening something to a cement wall like kitchen cabinets something really heavy Something you want to fasten permanently or almost permanently like a shelving unit or even a sink in that case You'll use plastic or wood anchors They're called Tarugos down here when you go to the hardware store ask for Tarugos T-A-R-U-G-O-S Now as for me, I never buy the fancy ones Just the plastic ones that are almost solid They kind of look through a cross section like a star and I've often used the wooden ones as Furniture plugs when you drill a hole through a piece of wood You want to fill it then sand it and varnish it make it look real nice Otherwise known as furniture dowels up in the states though 90% of the time I use the plastic ones They're great if you only plan on mounting something once in other words

[19:48] You don't take the screws in and out and in and out You want to go with the wooden Tarugos if you're gonna take something on and off or mount and remount Because though the plastic ones are very strong and solid. They'll eventually get stripped out inside You know how plastic is it's flexible wood. Not so much. Anyway, assuming you're gonna mount Let's say a kitchen cabinet permanently. You're gonna stick with the plastic By the way, if you want to know exactly what these things look like the kind I always get there in almost every Latin American hardware And they're cheap a couple of cents apiece. Send me an email the expat files at gmail.com and I'll send you a photo Anyway, here's the trick and it's kind of my trick. I don't see anyone else doing it But then again almost everyone who does not use the little trick I'm gonna tell you about right now finds their Tarugos their wall plugs or fashioners

[20:34] Eventually get loose and fall out and that's not good Especially if you're hanging a cabinet or a shelf by the way, your plastic Tarugos are all color-coded I always buy the longest ones are usually two or three inches long and I take a heavy-duty snippers or tin snips and Cut them to the size I want or need as I'm using them and though they're dirt cheap If you buy the long ones you save even more money because you'll cut them in two or maybe three That means you might be able to use one two or three inch Tarugo and two or three different holes that you've drilled Depends how many pieces you cut it in right as mentioned these things are color-coded I think the green ones are quarter-inch diameter and the blue ones three-eighth of an inch diameter Now if I'm hanging a cabinet or a big shelf I want to drill my anchor holes at least an inch and a half deep two inches is better

[21:23] All right, so let's say I'm drilling two inches deep I take my blue Tarugo three-eighths of an inch in diameter I take a three-eighths of an inch drill bit drill that two-inch hole blow out the dust and the dirt with my straw Cut the Tarugo is slightly short of two inches Let's say an inch and three quarters You could shove it in the hole right now and it probably will stay there It'll support your shelf or cabinet whatever you're fastening to the wall The problem is whatever screws you're screwing into that Tarugo are gripping that thing and being held there only by Expanding the plastic Tarugo against the concrete hole. It's being held in good enough for now But in the future after so many openings and closings of those cabinet doors and maybe slamming them quite a few times That kind of vibration over time will loosen those Tarugos

[22:11] Have you ever seen an old cabinet or shelf that's starting to pull away from the wall? I bet you have when that happens It's not an easy job to fix it if you want to eliminate that possibility completely Here's what you do After you've drilled a hole and blown out the dust and crap inside with your straw get your caulk gun You'll have one of those around the house, right? They're only two or three bucks Pop in a tube of liquid nails if you heard of that stuff. Well, there's all kinds of competitors So just buy the cheapest one normal size for a caulk gun will probably run you three or four bucks Now a tube that size in a caulk gun will last a do-it-yourself for through many projects Anyway, you jam the nozzle of the liquid nails into the hole or holes that you drilled don't load it up too much Just inject enough about as much as the first joint on your little finger

[22:59] Shoving that one in three quarter inch Tarugo tap it home and flush to the wall with your hammer You will notice some of the liquid nails oozing out right at that point could get kind of messy Oh, and I forgot to tell you should put some masking tape over the tip of your hammer head Because it's gonna get a coating of liquid nails, too And later you can just peel off the masking tape and your hammer will look fresh and new and now you're done for a while Leave the project alone for at least four hours as for me I always like to wait a whole day when I'm back on the project the next day Those Tarugos are part of the wall for keeps You'll never get them out of the wall unless you blast or drill them out and either event it ain't easy Anyway, next day is when I mount the shelves or cabinets Oh and sometimes when you tap a Tarugo into the wall

[23:44] You may have made a miscalculation in the depth of the hole and it won't go in all the way Maybe it's three quarters or seven eighths way in not to worry though not to panic Just leave it and the next day when the liquid nails has set take a chisel or a big flathead screwdriver Grab your hammer and chip away at the excess plastic that's sticking out of the wall Flush it up with the wall doesn't have to look pretty because the cabinet or shelfs going right over it So anyway Greg there you have it everything you wanted to know about fastening anything Onto a cement or concrete wall here in Latin America. Oh, it's true There are other ways and dozens and dozens of different fasteners, but take it from me I'm an expert on hanging things and punching holes and walls that reminds me I remember one time visiting my brother's house way back when before I left for Latin America. I

[24:35] Walked into his house. It was all drywall That's the standard construction technique up in the states Which as you know is all right up in the states and perfectly adequate as long as your roof doesn't leak But as you certainly know drywall is pretty flimsy Anyway, I walked into my brother's kitchen and I saw there were at least ten holes in his drywall Fist-sized holes a couple of holes in all four walls. I said what happened? Did you do that? He said yeah, I said those are your fist marks. Why? He said because they look better on the drywall then they would on the wife Now just one thing about my brother. He's the nicest guy in the world's got a million friends, but he has a terrible temper

[25:20] Though he never hit a woman ever there are lots of guys in Chicago who wish they have never pissed him off In fact, he's sort of a shining knight a defender of women In fact, I remember two specific times in Chicago bars where my brother saw a guy verbally or physically abusing a woman I saw him deck two guys that way and he didn't even know the girl or the guy Just one of those chivalrous guys that doesn't like to see guys giving women shit Hey, how about one more amusing story about my brother his high school girlfriend told me this Years after she broke up with him She said they were at a movie one night is about one in the morning when they got out They're driving around North Chicago come to a red light There's no one around just one guy behind them with a souped-up car revenues motor

[26:06] They're at a red light. It turns green. My brother must have been kissing his girlfriend or something He didn't take off right away the guy behind him laid on the horn Impatient he was they proceeded to the next light it turns green My brother again is a little slow on the gas pedal the guy behind him lays on the horn again Next intersection my brother makes sure he ends up there during a red light it turns green He doesn't go the guy lays on the horn again But my brother doesn't move the other guy beeps and flashes his lights My brother stays put the guy gets out of his car all pissed off goes over to my brother's window beats on the window It says what's wrong with you get moving asshole The guy gets back in his car floors it whips around my brother's car. He's in front now

[26:52] At the next intersection the guy's in front of my brother. He makes sure he stops there When the lights green my brother gets out of his car walks over to the guy Beats with his fists on the guy's windshield so hard. He breaks it shatters it Then he ripped off the guy's side view mirror with his bare hands went to the other side ripped that one off Threw both of them on the guy's hood got back into his car with his girlfriend and swooped around the guy Then calmly drove away and apparently the other guy was so shocked. He didn't bother to follow him Yep, my brother was fearless and another life. He'd have been a great night saving damsels in distress as for me I'm sort of short on gallantry You've been listening to the expat files living in Latin America if you need some help with your own plan B

[27:40] We can schedule a one-on-one phone or Skype consult Just send me an email the expat files at gmail.com And if you want to get on the waiting list for my next week long expat insider seminar in Central America Where you're guaranteed to get a two to five year head start on your plan B Send me an email the expat files at gmail.com