#1308 – The Expat Files: Road Rage, Cultural Differences, and Dating Trends in Latin America

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came out to play and now as I wonder Hello there all you ex-pad wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started let's start with a story that's close to my own heart and I'll translate the title of this little news blurb. It says expat arrested in road rage incident Once again, we're talking about a situation in equator where there are tons of gringos

[00:49] it's the number one retirement destination that has been anyway as Reported by the rag international living for many years now and where gringos pile in incidents like this will happen It starts out by saying a US citizen and a permanent Ecuador resident were arrested Thursday morning in what transit police call a case of road rage in Spanish Rabia in La Calle the incident happened at Avenue, Los Americas and Grand Columbia red on Dell on Cuenca Ecuador's west side One John L and M They don't give his last name was taken into custody following a brief altercation with police during which he was subdued with pepper spray Police say American John L and M who was driving a large pickup truck

[01:35] Forced a motorist and his wife off Los Americas Road and onto the sidewalk in a right-of-way dispute According to witnesses at the scene John L and M pulled the unidentified driver out of his car and began beating him When the driver's wife came to the man's assistance John Allen hit her in the face and pulled her to the sidewalk by her hair. Oh Man, I would have loved to have seen that Alright me John here. You know, I wonder what's gonna happen to that guy Though I have to say but for the grace of Allah I could have been that guy many many times There have been countless times when some idiot drivers pulled some kind of crazy-ass even dangerous move where I've raised my voice

[02:20] Blown my stack felt like getting out of the car and beating the hell out of them though I have yelled out the window and flipped the hook a few times I've never let an incident like that escalate to the point of violence Because really especially here in Latin America. Where's that gonna get you? Since the idiot you're potentially picking a fight with has a lot less to lose than you do and believe me That's the first thought that should go into your head When some idiot pulls a move on the highway though I'd have to say as gringles and expats are many times More prone to road rage than Latinos because we Americans are much more likely to follow the transit laws And when some idiot driver breaks those laws right in front of us often causing a dangerous situation Our blood just boils. Well, some of us go ballistic anyway We're used to good behavior on the road and assemble and suborder not that we're more cultured than Latino drivers

[03:11] It's just that cops and cameras won't cut you any slack They'll catch you and find you whereas down here in Latin America driving is not for the faint of heart You could break transit laws by the hundreds and still never get a fine Here's a good example just a couple of days ago a fresh green gringo came down Told me he was gonna rent a car. He asked me what it was like to drive down here He'd flown in the day before around 11 at night When the traffic was minimal so he didn't get to see how people drive during the day I tried to give him some idea of what it was like to drive down here by asking him a simple question I said what was the last time you saw someone run a red light in your town He thought for a second and said, I don't know. I can't really remember Regular people just don't do that cops and ambulances maybe but not regular people though

[04:00] He said there's a thing called the Chicago roll. He's from Chicago. Obviously that means rolling through an intersection when the light turns yellow He said certain strict cops will nail you for that one. So it's not recommended. Well, then I said down here in Latin America It's not unusual to see a dozen or more idiots a day running red lights and stop signs That includes taxis public buses everyone. Well, I take that back not everyone. I said come to think of it personally I don't think I've ever seen a woman a lady run a red light or a stop sign That says a let doesn't it the ladies are more reserved and less than a hurry It's shit for brains macho guys We're always breaking the transit laws you come to think of it You almost never see a woman drinking a beer in a car either

[04:46] It's always a young adult macho guy and the younger the driver the more foolish and stupid he is So I highly recommend you leave your road rage back in Milwaukee or Cleveland But I know based on personal experience. That's probably not gonna happen In fact just the other day my girlfriend scolded me for laying on the horn too much when a car was coming at me Going the wrong way down a one-way street. Yeah, that's fairly common down here drives your nuts, too You know, I try not to lay on the horn and give him the finger because if my girlfriend's in the car She'll get really pissed off at me. Not the other guy That's because she's so used to seeing people go the wrong way down a one-way street that it's normal for her But what she doesn't know is when she's not with me. I do it all the time I'll make a point of swerving into him scaring the shit out of him in the process

[05:35] Same thing when a motorcycles going the wrong way down a one-way street right towards me It's my little moment of revenge thinking the guy might learn his lesson But guys like that have shit for brains So if they never will, you know I need to get that release in the moment as if I'm actually teaching the guy a lesson So I'll lay on the horn and give him the finger to what end I don't know Oh and as for my girlfriend, she never listens to this show because she doesn't speak English So there's no real danger. She'll find out I have a dark side Now there's some gringles and expanse with road rage who have their own ways of getting even in fact I know one well actually two gringles who keep a little stash of rocks That is golf ball sized rocks within reach right behind the driver's seat of the car now, this might sound evil and

[06:25] Evil it is and one of the guys told me about it It was because he got into an accident one night with a guy who had no lights whatsoever on his vehicle Turns out while the gringo was merging onto a poorly lit highway late one night He broadsided a piece of shit pickup truck that had no lights at all. No headlights No, taillights nothing now, of course, the guy could have had working bulbs in those light sockets After all replacement lamps for a car can cost upwards of a whole dollar, you know But the dickhead in the shitbox didn't bother. Yeah, the gringo's car got banged up pretty good and the other guy Well, it was a piece of shit. Anyway, what's another big dent amongst dozens after that? That gringo told me he proceeded to carry a little stash of rocks behind the front seat of his car within reach

[07:14] Just in case so that in the future when a car or motorcycle was coming at him from the other lane with no lights at all He just whip a rock at the guy hopefully hit him and scare the hell out of which of course it would being Pitched black and all and me with my own road rage problems But not having the balls to do something like that. I said to the gringo What if you really nail him you break his windshield or something? Well, he gave me a devil a smile and said that would be a win in my book By the way, I know a couple of older gringles both of them ex-military living in Latin America permanently now Both of them 60 ish years old a couple of months ago We were sitting together at one of those little coffee shops and one of them said he just bought his girlfriend a new car gringles will do that, you know, they come down here hook up with a beautiful young Latin American girlfriend and

[08:03] Instantly yank her out of that terrible routine of taking public transportation Where there's a lot of petty theft and ass pinching going on. Yep. No more chicken busses, which is the dream of every Latina girl That's another reason we have such a gringo advantage Latinas No, we have the means to buy him a car by all means go ahead and do it But my suggestion is don't buy a new car for her. That's nuts Especially if she's never had a car before my advice get her something a couple of years old cuz she's gonna beat it up It's inevitable. She's not gonna be a whiz at driving not for a while Remember when you first got your license and your first car your dad gave you the beater He wouldn't let you use the good one, right? Anyway, we were sitting there us three gringles and one of the guys said I just bought my girlfriend a new Kia Picanto

[08:51] Then the other gringo sitting with us piped in and said you bought a brand new car. Are you nuts? He said I learned my lesson. I bought a new car when I first came down here Knowing how careless people are in parking lots and stuff. I thought I'll avoid all that I know what to do. I would always scope out a parking space far far away with plenty of room And I'd make sure I collapsed my side view mirrors So no one whacked him but it never failed that come back from my shopping from the store Whatever and some jerk would have wedged his car right up against mine Within six months my brand-new car had 10 or 20 little dings on either side of it from people Opening their car doors and bonking into me Hell he said they'd do it right in front of me while I was sitting right there A lady would get out and bang hit my car door with hers

[09:38] Most times wouldn't say a thing either would just keep walking. Well, he said one day I had just about enough I watched a woman open her door into my car one too many times She left a little dent in it and didn't show a single sign of remorse as she walked away You know what? I repaid her little gift to me with a long scratch Right down the side of her car. He said I've got this tiny little Swiss Army knife on my keychain It's seen lots of different paint colors since that day. Then he showed me that knife Smallest Swiss Army knife I'd ever seen very cool But he said even for that momentary bit of satisfaction Nine out of ten times the guy that opens his door to bang yours is Driving a shitbox with multiple dents and scratches. So no extra scratch or dent will ever be noticed

[10:26] Since then I've been trying to think of a nice stealthy way to puncture a tire without it hissing or making a noise He said I haven't figured out a method yet, but I'm working on it now as for me Johnny the worst case of road rage I've ever seen occurred in Guatemala. I ran into a good friend of mine I think it was that price smart, you know Costco in the parking lot We hadn't seen each other in a while Turns out he'd made millions in oil field leasing in Guatemala So he had one hell of a lot to lose if his road rage got out of control But it seemed he didn't have the willpower to control it Anyway, I saw him in the parking lot getting out of his brand-new Toyota Hilux Well, at least look brand new to me till I got closer and I saw there were three Bullet holes in the side panel of the truck bed. I said Mike what happened three bullet holes here

[11:14] He said oh, yeah a couple of days ago a guy cut me off on the cotterra He said I chased him down pulled alongside gave him the finger and a guy pulled out a gun took a few shots at me Now he said it with such nonchalance You had to know he was a very seasoned and dedicated road rager. He even told me way back when in the states He was from Illinois too. He had gotten in a few fist fights in road rage incidents Anyway, he said the moral of that story is when you pick a road rage fight with someone make sure The guy you're up against doesn't have a bigger nicer more jacked up pickup truck than you have In other words, he said eat humble pie if you have to if the guy's got more testosterone than you do By the way, I know exactly what he means Sometimes you end up with someone tailgating you with a big old ford f-150 tandem or chevy tahoe or suburban

[12:05] And they'll beep the horn or flash their lights as if to say Step on it fool. Go faster. You're holding me back And if you don't if you just keep on keeping on in your own way when they get an opening They'll blast right past you almost side swipe you too That's happened to me many times because you see one of the worst driving habits latinos have is they love to tailgate In fact, I think I mentioned on a previous show an insurance adjuster told me that more than half of the accidents reported here in latin America are rear end crashes Not to mention he said more than 50 percent of accidents reported involved alcohol consumption Well that figures but one of the most interesting and crazy things i've noticed here in latin america since i've been down here Is that when you do get into offender med and i've been in three or four?

[12:52] I'd say at least half the time one of the two injured parties will say right off the bat Let's not get the cops or insurance companies involved. Let's figure out what this is going to cost and work it out ourselves Sounds good, right? Not so fast. Here's a tip. I found out the hard way Even if the guy seems like he's got a nice car and has money If he's the guy who's got to pay out because it was his fault make sure you get the money in hand right there Believe me It's not enough to get the guy's plate number or even a photo of his driver's license or him or his car As so many expats, I know have found out if the guy leaves Promising to pay you later and of course you'll have his address and phone number, right? Well chances are he'll give you excuse after excuse and you'll never get your dough And if after the fact there's no insurance or police report

[13:40] No recourse. All right moving on. Here's an email from lois c from indianapolis She says johnny i've been to mexico and panama At first we stayed in resorts and hotels and then we started staying in airbnb's One thing I noticed and it bothers me In those airbnb's there was never a bathtub a so-called tina in spanish always showers no bathtubs What's that all about johnny? Don't middle or upper middle class people in latin america take baths? I can understand maybe poor people don't have access to a bathtub Just a shower in the u.s It seems everyone's got a bathtub in the house. I know for me and a lot of women I know Taking a long hot bath once in a while is a necessity in life I'd hate to think if we were tired south of the border and we bought a place or rented

[14:29] I'd never have a long hot bubble bath again Signed lois from indianapolis Well, thanks for that lois And you're right here in latin america bathtubs are not to be seen in most houses Though it seems the older the house or older the residential tower The more likely it'll have a bathtub and believe it or not a bidet in the house, too But i'm talking about houses apartments and residential towers that are over 30 years old Now suppose you buy an apartment and it doesn't have a bathtub No problem. You can always convert one of the shower stalls All the big plumbing supply and hardware stores have bathtubs. They sell them here though. Good luck finding a cast iron one They're all plastic acrylic types Oh, and if you build a house do tell the contractor you want a bathtub

[15:19] If you don't nine out of ten times, you won't get one. There'll be showers everywhere, but no bathtub By the way, how many listeners out there have bidets in your house? I know it's not an american thing But now they're selling these bidet adapters you can put on any toilet. Have you seen those? Actually, it's a bidet seat adapter and really they're very efficient sanitarian a very good idea Actually, though you have to get used to a stream of water blasting your backside after you do your thing In fact, I bought one of those things from amazon for two reasons actually for hygiene purposes and the fact And you can look this up that the average person in the united states uses 120 rolls of toilet paper a year So I guess that means if you get a bidet in the states, you could sell your butthole carbon credits to bill gates or leonardo

[16:09] Decaprio or some other hypocrite fraud like bono man. I hate bono What a sacrifice and save the world, but not me pompous ass By the way, do you remember that bono story? You can look it up Apparently he has a favorite hat. He must have it during every gig Or he believes the gig just won't go right. Well one time when he was in the uk So the story goes and there are lots of witnesses to it He couldn't find that favorite hat then he remembered he left it in a hotel back in new york Well, guess what? He sent his private jet to new york to pick up that hat some tree hugger, huh? Man i'll tell you all those hollywood and entertainment global warming hypocrites and their private jets Don't they make you sick?

[16:55] eco hypocrites I call him one of the worst ones though and people don't talk about this because he's sort of an international saintly untouchable rock icon that'd be paul mccartney I remember going to a concert of his at soldier field in chicago many years ago probably 35 36 years ago now They gave everyone who attended a free vegan cookbook written by his wife at the time linda eastman Oh, and they also gave everyone and there were tens of thousands of people there a free mccartney concert big cigarette lighter souvenir So we could all sway to the music under the soft gentle torchlight flame of those plastic 100 petroleum-based big lighters, which when they burn produce water vapor and guess what that devilishly evil gas

[17:43] co2 Paradoxically plants thrive in co2 that can't live without it Meanwhile vegans who eat nothing but plant product seem to despise co2. They want to eliminate it at all costs Hey read a science book. Why don't you and make up your mind? Anyway, i'm all for having a more hygienic butt and saving 120 rolls of toilet paper a year per person So that bidet thing i'm going to give it the old yankee truck and I want to hear from you listeners out there How many of you guys and gals are using bidets right now? I don't mean exactly right now while you're listening to this show, but who knows maybe you are So have you tried one or not? After all you can buy one of those adapters for something like 50 bucks or less Are they catching on up there by you or are they just another anti-social media fad?

[18:29] When you really think about it, which most people don't want to do That covidia thing got millions even billions of people freaked out about sanitizing their hands Multiple times per day. Anyway, they thought they were sanitizing their hands, which we know now wasn't true Come on How many times did you slather that booger like crap on your hands when you walked into a store? Seems everyone was afraid not to meanwhile people don't even want to think about what's happening at the other end of their cake hole By the way during all that covid crap, I never accepted that glop on my hands never trusted it In fact, I believed it made things worse that sticky finger thing afterward, man Didn't you just hate that and when there was some employee there with some pump jar of that stuff Standing at the door when you entered I'd just say in spanish. No. Thanks. I've got my own boogers

[19:18] No, gracias tengo mis propios mokos, you know boogers in spanish is mokos mocos Cos anyway when i'd say that sometimes they laughed sometimes they made a face But they always accepted that answer and let me through but once again, I digress man. Did I digress? All right, how about this email from edgar? He says johnny about the all-american work ethic I can't tell you the number of times i've seen americans get up at four o'clock in the morning Hack the ice off their car or pickup truck drive 50 miles or at least an hour in traffic Just to get to work and slave away at that thankless job Then after keeping one eye on the clock the entire day, it's quitting time They drive home for another hour in the dark. They get home. Totally exhausted or all worn out

[20:06] Eat a tasteless dinner Binging on a netflix series. They won't even remember two hours later Both husband and wife are on the same trajectory passing like two ships in the night A few drinks on the weekend and sex if they're lucky then it's monday morning again That goes on for 50 weeks then it's two weeks vacation and you're back on the treadmill again It's a ridiculous life johnny. It's not even a life. I'm 50 years old. I want out before I burn out But my wife's not on the same page at all. He said I told her I want to sign up for your march seminar She said no way we're not going to spend our money on that crap Johnny she calls it crap, but she's never listened to your show not a single program. She's not interested She's not interested in leaving the country at all. Unless it's a quick vacation to a resort in cancun

[20:52] Johnny a little help, please i'm at the crossroads. What do I do signed edgar buffalo, new york Okay, edgar. Thanks for that Unfortunately, you're facing one of the big dilemmas I see when people decide to get their plan to be going and get down here to latin america when it's a couple Their desires and trajectories don't always match almost always one person wants it more than the other Statistics aren't great when it comes to couples often In a few years they crash and burn I guess it's a lot like divorce statistics up in the states 50 of people end up getting divorced within the first five years of marriage Same thing happens when couples move down here to latin america permanently I'd say half or more end up splitting up within the first five to seven years with one of them

[21:37] Usually end up staying down here in latin america and the other going back home to the states Now, of course, I don't have any hard and fast Statistics on that but it's just from personal observation after being down here. Well a couple of decades now Oh and edgar mentioned my expat insider seminar next one's in march 2024 For all the details sign up information agenda, etc Go to expat plan b.com and click on the seminar link Hope to see you there edgar. And if you can drag your wife down, she's welcome, too All right, moving on here's an email from peter j he said johnny you recently talked about a phenomena called passport bros Apparently there's a whole community of men up in the first world canada europe, etc

[22:26] Who've given up on dating first world women? American and first world women are just too difficult to say so they've stumbled on this website called passport bros Where they're trained up so to speak to get a passport and go to a third world country and find a lady They talk about how the pickings are so much better in poor third world countries with foreign ladies much less complicated than american Ladies then peter sends me a link to this article that came out just recently on zero hedge Offering further proof for the passport bros hypothesis Basically the article goes on to say that american ladies have way too much personal baggage and too many hangups And dating standards so high that the average american guy just doesn't have a chance That said let me read a little bit of this article that came out from zero hedge just about a week ago

[23:16] It says a recent viral trend on social media in which women made a list of restaurants That they would refuse to eat at on a first date Exemplifies the concept of wholeflation hoe flat ion Which is the basis of the complaints voiced by the website passport brothers? It goes on to say the cheesecake factory in the u.s In particular was consistently mentioned as a red flag for so-called cheap men American women would never want to date that according to viral female social media trends Which claims a man should spend at least 200 or more as a bare minimum for a first date With only 26 percent of american women indicating they will ever split a dinner tab with a guy on a date

[24:06] He'd have to be an awful special keeper a so-called chad chad For her to ever consider split in the tab Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Let me look up that word chad chad Okay, here it is it says an internet slang the term Chad generally refers to an alpha male or otherwise genetically superior male Handsome tall into fitness a top five or ten percenter typically single in his late 20s or 30s A lady's ideal version of a man. I guess that leaves me out So that's a chad ch ad who'd have thunk Anyway, the article goes on to say now progressive women on first dates Expect grand gestures of wealth and ambition from her date

[24:52] Then it says what feminism has done to the dating scene essentially is hyper exaggerate women's natural inclination To seek out more productive men while also hyper exaggerating their own sense of self-worth and making them Unobtainable for the average man in the dating pool. Oh and get this it says women who previously had nothing to offer have been Inculcated with delusions of grandeur so much so that the question of quote What do you bring to the table? Unquote is sneer dad Their response is I am the table There is no cure for this level of narcissism except hitting rock bottom, which is the outcome that western women and Society as a whole is swiftly approaching it says Then it says the worst problem in mating and dating is with gen z having the largest deviation fewer

[25:42] Relationships fewer dates less sex and personal friendships With the worst prospects in mating and dating and relationships in general of all generations studied including boomers gen xers millennials gen y and z It says men of gen z have been hit with the brunt of the relationship minefield fallout All in just one decade pretty much ever since the advent of the iphone Well, you get the gist of it, right? Now as for me i've checked out those passport bro sites And honestly, even though in some ways they have the right idea You should see the guys who put that together and the people who go on that site I'd say 90% of the guys on those sites are disaffected undereducated losers You can just look at those guys who post and you can see why the average american girl would reject guys like that

[26:32] Just looking at him and listening to him. You can see they're not very good prospects for a family guy Most of those guys are going nowhere. They've got their weird hairdos multiple tests Their english is terrible and peppered with street slang They're almost exclusively lower middle class american men who want to punch way above their weight class in the mating and dating game In the united states canada europe, etc First world ladies don't want a guy like that They don't want a guy that works at crispy cream or an attire repair shop The guys don't want to date an overweight couch potato or a welfare queen They don't want the average lady in their own weight class. They want to punch up So there's a big gap big mismatch there and thus for better or for worse mostly for worse Sites like passport pros evolved and they're attracting a huge following of disgruntled mostly blue collar american males

[27:24] By the way, i've met a few of these guys here and there not to sound like a jerk But the passport guys i've met I wouldn't want to hang with more on that in an upcoming show. So stay tuned You've been listening to the expat files living in latin america If you need some help with your own plan b we can schedule a one-on-one phone or skype consult Just send me an email the expat files at gmail.com And if you want to get on the waiting list for my next week long expat insider seminar in central america Where you're guaranteed to get a two to five year head start on your plan b Send me an email the expat files at gmail.com