#1341 – Episode 1341: Life, Work, and Culture in Latin America with Johnny Mueller

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came up to play and now as I wonder Hello there all you ex-pad wannabes I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America the show that tells you just what it's like to live Work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started Well, wouldn't you know it it happened to me again just yesterday It's something that happens to me every month or so here in Latin America something that when I was living up in the States You know through my whole childhood and young adulthood never happened once I'll explain yesterday. I went into a bank wasn't my regular bank. I just went into a bank

[00:52] Because I had to change some US funny money into the local funny money So I walked up to the bank teller window was a beautiful young Latina about I'd say 27 28 years old. I'm not lying. She was really beautiful She was all smiles, which is usually the case because people are generally happy down here Even when they have shit jobs, I mean look when I was a kid My mom and dad kind of drummed in to me and well all the kids in the family man Just to have a good solid dependable job was pretty much one of the top three goals in life Certainly because my parents and their parents lived through the Depression They saw a lot of people friends and family lose their jobs and really suffered There was never talk about it getting that perfect job that you just loved with all your heart that when you woke up

[01:41] You were just dying to get to in the morning It was just get a nice solid stable job and you're more than halfway there in life Then of course when my generation started having kids then came the idea that you just didn't get any old job He had to have a job that fulfilled you a job that matched with your particular kind of drive personality and psyche And that's one of the things I've noticed That's so different with the Latin American culture people down here who have a nice steady job on the books Even if to us looks dead boring like for example a bank teller's job. You just never see him complain or Wine about it or become depressed about it. Sure Everyone wants to make more money, but there's actually very little complaining about the job itself

[02:27] In fact when you're at that party or a get-together with a bunch of Latinos You'll just never hear him say you know what? I'm depressed. My job sucks. I just hate going to work Boo-hoo. I think I'll see the company shrink, you know That really makes me laugh when I hear my own family members up in the States talk about company shrinks Thirty some years ago when I was back in the States, I never heard of a company shrink You know when I was young back in the States anyone who went to a shrink never admitted it To put it more succinctly That I pronounced that right. I always have trouble with that word succinctly Anyway, what I'm saying is unlike Americans Latinos are not fragile whiners You know a lot of ways

[03:12] They're pretty much like my parents generation the object is not to get that perfect fulfilling job that you love But just to get a solid dependable job You could go to every day and know that it will pay your bills. The fact is every day I'm out and about I see Latinos doing shit jobs Americans would never think of lowering themselves to do Yet they're not embarrassed at all to do harder what we might call demeaning work. They're not embarrassed Whatever kind of work they do. They don't bow their heads in shame Most are upbeat happy smiling joking around again Just happy with the fact that they know they can put food on the table contrast that now with American Generation Y and Z The biggest pain in the ass whiner is on the face of the earth I know I know we've all got a few of those in the family and unfortunately we or I say my

[04:02] Generation were the ones that created those little snowflakes. So it's our fault completely Well, not mine actually because I never had any kids But you know what I mean Anyway, my two sisters certainly made up for that they added plenty of fuel to that fire By the way, if there's a Gen Y or Z'er around as you're listening to this go over and shake his hand I bet it feels like a wet rag and is as soft as a baby's behind never met one yet Who could build something constructive with his hands or even change a tire? Go ahead. Ask a Gen Y or Z'er if they ever actually changed a tire You know, I read a study that said 95% of them don't even know where the jack is Just saying man. Did I digress there? Anyway, now, where were we? Oh, yeah I went into a bank not my bank and I had to pull out my passport to change US funny money into the local funny money

[04:52] It's something you have to do when you change money and I hate that because you know what they do They make a copy of your passport for their record. Keep it on file forever That's why I like to use Non-bank money changers. No, not those little guys on the street that are waving bills at you Those guys could give you false ones and you'd never know it But there are lots of little money changing outfits all over any big city here in Latin America legit joints You know have been around for a long time. They've got neon signs and flashing lights that say combio, which means money change I'll tell you why I like to use those guys over a regular bank But please skip the money changers at the airport cuz they really got you but anywhere else They're pretty good because they'll take any kind of idea driver's license

[05:40] Library card and believe it or not. A lot of those places won't even ask for ID at all Again, that's another part of your gringo advantage because of a Latina or a Latina walked into one of those places When let's say a hundred dollar bill and wanted to change it into local funny money. They'll ask them for an ID all day long They're thinking a gringo walks in. Of course, he's gonna have a couple hundred bucks on him That's his country's currency and it's gonna be legit. He's a gringo Whereas if a Latino walks in with a hundred or so The money changers thinking what's that Latino doing with all those US dollars? It's not quite natural unless you're smack dab on the gringo tourist trail where lots of gringos are spending dollars So lots of Latinos are receiving greenbacks that gringos are spending that would be normal

[06:26] But off the gringo tourist trail, not so much. So anyway, just a little tip to stay more anonymous Try not to change your daughter bank they'll ask for your passport every time and make copies of it you can count on it and That won't happen at one of those money changes on the street Even if you have to pull out your passport don't look at it to see if you're that guy Though they won't take a photo or make a copy of but back to the bank. Anyway, that beautiful 27 or 28 year old girl Took my u.s. Dollar funny money and changed it into the local funny money Handed me the stack and said me encanta do so hos Which of course in English means I love your eyes Then she gave me the nicest warmest smile you could imagine now Here's the thing that wasn't my bank. No one knows me there

[07:14] I'd never met that girl before my life and she was definitely coming on to me If you don't think so you haven't spent too much time down here in Latin America because that's the greatest opening line A gringo could ever receive in other words It's your move next if you want to make the other thing is if you think I'm some kind of handsome gringo stud You're wrong that I'm some kind of grade a physical specimen. You're wrong First off she knows I'm at least twice her age. She had my passport in her hand Secondly you long-term listeners have heard me say many times that on my best day I would be a six up in the States and you might say I've only got three things going for me physically I'm six foot tall then sort of lanky and have those blue eyes However in the debit ledger, I'm on the rough side of middle age. I'm losing my hair and let's face it

[08:03] If I posted myself on dating apps up in the States, I'd probably get no action at all So it's true Latin American banks are a great place if you're trolling for dates In fact just a couple of months ago in my own bank the one I have an account at I went up to one of the teller windows. The girl knew me I did whatever transaction I needed to do at the time. She handed me a little piece of paper with a phone number on I looked at the number and there was a name above it said Nuna and una Now i'm not one for names. I didn't recognize that name at all I'm bad with names So even though the bank ladies had name tags and some of the same ladies waited on me over and over again The names didn't stick Anyway, when she handed me the phone number, I was surprised and I said what's this?

[08:48] She says this is from Nuna. She told me to give it to you. She got transferred to another branch And you know what? I paused a second. I didn't know who the hell Nuna was So I tried to think You know, this was my bank. I had been in the place 50 times So I quickly looked at the girls in the other teller windows and I kind of pieced together who the missing one was Nuna Needless to say I have a steady girlfriend So I never called Nuna, but I just want you to understand what happens with single gringos like me down here in latin. America Again, remember i'm twice as old as most of these bank teller girls Yet they're still coming on to me. And remember i'm a solid six on a good day By us standards edit now, I know I know what semi are thinking the girls at the bank

[09:37] They know what i've got in my bank account. They know my name then it got my passport They know my bank balance and they know i'm single from my paperwork They're thinking hey, here comes a rich single gringo The thing is I rarely keep more than fifteen hundred dollars in my bank account I only use that particular bank because it's connected to a debit card In other words, I put a little money in there use my debit card To pull out local funny money from an atm for daily expenses, you know gas groceries Restaurants paying the cleaning lady. The fact is I never use my debit card in a business establishment. I always use cash And I get that cash with that debit card and local funny money. The thing is those cashier ladies at the bank Must think i'm just some kind of low budget gringo with my low bank balance and all

[10:27] They know I never have more than 1500 bucks in the account. So They can't be eyeing me up because i'm mr. Bunnybags my account there shows no signs of that at all So then why do I get attention like that? Why do those things keep happening to me? Well two things number one. It's purely the gringo advantage. Number two. It's because I can speak spanish I cannot tell you how many times i've heard a latina say to me. Wow, you speak spanish I've had bank tellers. Tell me that all the time They'll say something like muy impressionante, which means i'm very impressed Very few gringos speak spanish and they really mean it It's a big plus because one of the biggest problems with mixed culture relationships, you know latinas and gringos and latinos and gringos

[11:16] Is that communication breakdown when you're stuck using translation apps? Man, that sure puts a damper on the conversation flow Going back and forth with the translation on the smartphone It's a lot of work to keep rolling with that Bottom line latinas know having a relationship with a gringo who speaks some spanish is a huge plus Funny thing though, and you'll learn this quick. They all assume we don't speak spanish That's why it's such a happy surprise for them when you can finally pull it off That is if you ever get there the thing is once you speak spanish decently enough There'll be some instant advantages you never thought about Like for example when he or she drags you off to family get togethers You won't be sitting there for three hours on a couch like a bump on a log not understanding all the gibberish that's going on around you

[12:07] Don't think I don't remember those days when I first got down here in the first couple years when i'd get Invited to uh family get together at girlfriend's parents' house or something I felt like a complete fish out of water and it wasn't a good feeling Sure, everyone in the family's super nice here. Why wouldn't they be there's a gringo in the house You just might be the first gringo who ever stepped foot in the place They'll load you up with a ton of food All right and try to include you in on all their conversations, but chances are you won't know what the hell they're talking about So you'll just be nodding and smiling all the time feeling like a mannequin in a department store window It's a strange and unsettling experience. Let me tell you personally. I hated it and then most certainly Cousin Julio will sit down next to you A guy who's been deported from the states a few times

[12:54] And he'll start buddying up to you with the worst English you've ever heard In other words, if you don't know any spanish you're gonna be stuck with the likes of cousin Julio the whole time That alone should be incentive enough to learn some spanish Uh, right moving on to something completely different now I'd like to say a few words now about a few social media communication apps like what's up Telegram and signal now people have been sending me emails here and there saying johnny How can you promote the signal app as an encrypted impenetrable app when i've been reading? It's been cracked by hackers and therefore us alphabet agencies can snoop on you anytime they want Now the reason why i'm bringing this up is because you know tucker carlson, right he's been on the signal app

[13:43] And he says he discovered that us alphabet agencies have been monitoring him Well, here are the facts If you use what's up, it's wide open the us government is looking at everything. They've got a back door. They're in it But you know, it's a fact of life. If you live here in latin america and don't have what's up You are disconnected from the world. You'll never get a doctor's appointment. You can't find a plumber You'll never get pizza hut to deliver which is probably a good thing Even uber drivers will message you on what's up By the way, if you're looking for a latina girlfriend or a latino boyfriend and let's say you do make a connection with your bank teller And she says give me your what's up and you say I don't use it That believe it or not is a huge red flag here in latin america because latinas know

[14:28] Latin guys are always cheating on him and that's an obvious cheating ploy for latino males They'll tell a girl he doesn't have what's up or he's been blocked or cut off or his sim card's been hacked or whatever Bottom line if you plan on dating you better have what's up you can change later, but you better start off with it Anyway, i'm just pointing out that if you're here in latin america and you tell people you do not have a what's up They sort of think you're weird or nuts or something's wrong. You've got something to hide So by all means have what's up available You'll use it for plumbers and doctors and stuff. And of course if you're ever going to date And eventually when you've got some latino friends or maybe a latina girlfriend or latino boyfriend You can kindly inform them change their mindset etc and get them on signal or telegram

[15:17] Anyway, here are the facts about alphabet agencies and hackers breaking in to signal or telegram Turns out and I can send you proof of this if you want Send me an email the expat files at gmail.com Anyway, it turns out the alphabet agencies and hackers can get into signal and telegram only under one condition If when you're using those things you get a pop-up window that says save this in the cloud if you click yes They can easily have access to the cloud and monitor you So obviously when you get that pop-up window that says save this in the cloud say no Say no every time don't do it Oh, and by the way since signal and telegram do not save messages They don't save anything unless of course you click that cloud backup option

[16:03] Anyway, if you click no and you should signal and telegram messages are only saved on your phone and the recipient's phone It's also a great idea to click the box that says eliminate messages after a certain length of time Could be a day a week a month your choice. You probably know about that option in your settings Just remember though. For example, if you're using signal or telegram And you think your communications to others are super private Just remember the person on the other end who you're texting or talking to He's got a copy of all your messages on his phone That means of course if a person steals your phone or a hacker gets hold of it That person or hacker whatever will be able to see what you thought were all your secret conversations

[16:49] That's why you should always click the option that says remove messages after a certain amount of time And of course you select the time frame And I repeat never click the cloud backup option Do note though if you say no sometime in the future maybe a month or two later That window will pop up again Just say no again, which brings us to an email from mr. P. He says johnny i'm mr. P from your last seminar I'm appreciating all the big files you supplied us with after the seminar He says one of the first that i'm making my way through is the fast spanish book by mr. Jack Brett I like how he delivers the cold hard truth about the matter how to learn spanish how to speak spanish, etc And how to get a face-to-face teacher to help you even if it's remotely via the internet

[17:35] He says it might take me years of lessons and reading to get a working vocabulary But it's the only way I can see forward and not just be another ignorant target victim gringo He says another thing johnny i'm working on my accent too. I don't want to be just another lazy sounding doofus That's one of my goals. Anyway, he says I heard some no accent gringo spanish speaker during the seminar I won't name any names. I really don't understand how they can live with themselves to speak spanish Without even trying to sound like a local using a local's accent He says call me a language snob if you like But one thing I know is I don't like some foreigners here in the us who never try to lose their accents For instance, he says my mom had an Ecuadorian friend who worked at a local bank

[18:23] She was here 30 years and would still say Jess Instead of yes I'm only sharing this particular because you've been so transparent about a lot of your opinions in your public shows And I feel like I owe you something of the same sort He says I hope this email doesn't hold you up too long, but there's more All right me johnny here before we get to more Mr. P reminded me of something I see quite often I'm talking about gringos who've learned their spanish by the book up in the states either in high school or college spanish majors some of them They come down here speaking spanish, but with an absolute flat and boring monotone Sort of irritating accent if you want to call it that it's not even an accent Reminds me of when you call up a business and you get an automated bot answer a computer generated voice in english

[19:12] We all know how annoying that can be it's like listening to the ways lady, you know the ways app Don't you just wish sometimes she was a real person so you could nail her with a sucker punch. I get you. Mr. P When you learn a language in a particular latin country, you should adopt the accent from that country, too Or you'll sound like a monotonous robot But hey not to be too critical learning any kind of spanish at all is a step forward, isn't it? Anyway, mr. P goes on to say the real reason for my email my modus operandi mo has been to move Every two years. That's what I do. That's the reason I also own a van So I could just gather myself up over a couple of weekends and just simply move Not have to hire expensive sweaty strangers to do it all in one day for me. I can do it myself

[20:00] He says now after the seminar i'm working out how to live in guatemala This has made this activity kind of awkward. That is my modus operandi Considering i'll have to buy a bunch of new stuff even appliances Put them all in a new place that i'll have to move in and out of a couple of years later Of course, that's my mo I was thinking chella xe la could be my first spot in guatemala after reading about it as a university town In the fast spanish book you gave us as well as the great prices. I see On in cuentro 24.com. That's in cuentro venti cuatro Regarding chella All right. Let me stop here once again for a second. This is a very important topic In cuentro venti cuatro Punto calm that's e n c u n t r a

[20:46] 24.com It's that great latin american craigslist that you find in almost every latin american country at least 16 or 17 out of the 20 In other words, what you do is you go and search on the internet for an in cuentra venti cuatro And then you pick your country. Let's say it's costa rica or guatemala or honduras, whatever Then it pulls up the complete sort of latin american craigslist for that particular country only and man I use that thing all the time, although it's in spanish, which makes it a bit tough at first But you will learn your vocabulary in no time Just hang out on in cuentra 24.com. I go there a couple times a week myself It's like a virtual rummage sale and I love rummage sales. They've got everything on there. I've bought guitars amplifiers I've bought and sold cars I've rented apartments and even bought a couple of houses by the way

[21:34] You'll see businesses advertising their products and individuals you get a mix of both For example, if you're looking for a real estate to buy or rent They'll be the usual suspects sentry 21 remax and tons of individual people selling and renting their places By the way, they've got classified jobs in there too. So you can find yourself a cleaning lady a maintenance guy I found a guy to fix the motor on my treadmill I even bought a bunch of solar panels and found a company to install them for me All right there on in cuentra benti cuatro.com. That's in cuentra 24.com by the way, everything is negotiable on that site And it's pretty sophisticated too. You could set up a chat box with anyone who's selling anything That way you can ask all kinds of questions about whatever you're looking up without having to give the guy your phone number

[22:21] Thus eliminating any privacy or security issues And by the way, if you want to go look at an item suppose you want to buy a bike You can always check out the location on a map see if it's in a good neighborhood or not If it's not in a good neighborhood meet the guy at a mcdonald's in a parking lot of costco walmart Whatever do the deal in a public parking lot. I've bought a couple of dobies and a rottweiler that way I checked out their location on a map. It was a shit neighborhood Hey, that's latin america people buying sell things from very nice and shit neighborhoods You just have to be prepared for that just because someone lives in a crap neighborhood doesn't mean they're bad people They might have good stuff to sell. I bought a really nice heavy-duty dewalt table saw from a guy in a real crap neighborhood We met in a chicken licking parking lot I certainly wasn't going to drive into his neighborhood after a day, but that was the only time he could do the deal

[23:08] Anyway, it worked out great for both of us. By the way, it's free to post your stuff for sale Which brings us to mr. P's question. He says johnny Have you ever run into pitfalls over the years when you hire help to move from one house to the next? Sounds like you've moved a lot But it also sounds like you've found a somewhat permanent home with your dogs guitars, etc And won't be planning on moving much more in the future. Is that true or not? As for me says i'm just wanting to really find a permanent home with clean food for myself and to stop moving all the time I want my own avocado and fruit trees, etc. If at all possible All right, mr. P. Let me answer that I never use one of those professional moving companies that advertise in those glossy gringo tourist mags Yep in the back and the classifiers there's always smiling happy moving guys

[23:54] They'll charge a 500 to a thousand bucks to pack and move all the goods in your house Of course, they'll box and wrap and pack up all your stuff real nice Gringos and expats are used to that kind of service from moving companies up in the states And they're used to paying a ton for it, too Instead just go to that site in cuentra venti cuatro punto calm find yourself a low-budget mover there Now they're not gonna pack your stuff really nice and wrap it they'll get the job done. All right, but they're a little rough So you should pack your stuff the stuff that's kind of fragile and keep an eye on them at all times So they don't knock things around or get too rough and believe me, they're not gonna steal anything These guys are in it for a living. They're just straight movers cheap movers and you could get a whole house move Using a crew like that for a hundred bucks or so

[24:40] Of course if you're moving from one city to another those charge it for gas to any other place within that country But believe me They'll be about a fifth the cost of a regular moving company that advertises and glossy tourist rags Remember gringo tourist rag gringo prices, man I must have used low rent movers like that 10 or 15 times now never had a problem Just make sure if it's in the rainy season They have a truck that doesn't have a roof that leaks if so use a couple of your own plastic tarps Then mr p. Ask me about privacy and cell phones in latin america He goes on about how he uses a specific voice over internet protocol You know v oip and a certain vpn and that he mentions the signal app and changing different phone numbers, etc And my comment on that is remember a few shows ago

[25:28] I was talking about how if you want to stay very private Just have your cleaning lady or maintenance guy. Go get you a sim chip or just buy one or two in a kiosk on the street They might ask you for an idea Just give them any old name and any old passport number you can think of they don't care They just want to sell you a sim chip The only time they'll get tough on an idea if you go into a registered Let's say claro office then they'll want to see your passport or a copy of it Don't go there go into a little kiosk or have your cleaning lady buy the chip. She'll do it in your name It's over with now you're completely protected and isolated As long as you don't do stupid things on your phone like for example Get on fake book and tick tock and take photos or download important id documents on whatsapp

[26:14] That would be dumb You've heard me hit on this before anyway The great thing about latin america is you don't have to sign up for an internet contract for 12 or 18 months and give All your information over to the company every country's got to pay as you go what they call a recarga plan All you need is a sim chip and you load money into your cell phone every week or month, whatever It's a way to have cell phone internet or computer internet completely anonymously You just have to keep remembering to charge it up every once in a while I usually recharge my sim chip my internet etc At a grocery store kiosks most all of them will do a recharge for you It's called a recarga in my case. It costs me about 20 bucks a month It covers the internet for my phone and my computer and none of it's in my name So don't worry about it. In fact, if you haven't got a cleaning lady

[27:01] You can lean on and you don't exactly know how to go about it. Just preach this subject to your lawyer He'll work it out for you. So then is that illegal? Well, what's illegal about it? You tell me All I know is you've got a right to privacy and you ain't gonna get it living in the us Or canada or europe or australia. You know what I mean? Oops, we're getting pretty close to the end of the show now and i've got a couple of more things to hit on in mr p's email Well, i'll be sure to catch up with that right away on the following show. So stay tuned You've been listening to the expat files living in latin america If you need some help with your own plan b we can schedule a one-on-one phone or skype consult Just send me an email the expat files at gmail.com

[27:46] And if you want to get on the waiting list for my next week long expat insider seminar in central america Where you're guaranteed to get a two to five year head start on your plan b Send me an email the expat files at gmail.com