#1279 – Episode 1279: Navigating Expat Life, Friendship, and Regrets in Latin America

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came out to play and now as I wonder Hello there all you ex-pad wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started You know, I hear dozens of reasons from people who say they want to get the hell out of Dodge in the worst way but they just can't bring themselves to do it because of certain reasons or conditions and One of those main reasons is they say Johnny. I'd love to leave but I don't know anybody in Latin America

[00:50] I'll be lonely. I'll miss all my friends And even those expat gonna be some wannabes who have a significant other Who would supposedly come down with them? So they would have someone they wouldn't be lonely I'll still hear that excuse, but I'll miss all my friends I'll miss my boys or girls as if they're the only friends you ever have or will have you'll never make a new one In your life. Let me ask you this how many times have you changed best friends over the years? Hey, we all have stages in life, right? When you're a certain age like you're a teenager in high school, whatever you have certain best friends Are they still your best friends? I doubt it. You probably don't even get a Christmas card from them anymore Man, am I showing my age or what? You know, my mom still sends Christmas cards to everybody

[01:37] That wouldn't work here in Latin America. The mail doesn't deliver So then what happened to your high school best friends? I bet long gone, right? Yeah, go to college you pick up another best friend or two Where are they now that guy or gal you suffered through the indignities of those frat parties with and if you hook up and get married That significant other is supposed to be your best friend, right? You hope then you divorce and they're your own worst best enemy Then you get a job a career and you pick up another best friend or two Then of course you get another job at another company, you know, according to stats the average person changes jobs Professional career person that is change his job six times in his life. So then where are all those best friends made on the job? Where are they now? Come on admitted previous best friends follow along the wayside

[02:23] They may be still good friends, but not best friends anymore So when people say Johnny, I really want to get the hell out of the hush But I haven't pulled the trigger yet because I'll miss all my friends. I think that's bullshit Not a good excuse and what about that group of friends you have right now and your best friend are some of them sort of Negative they bring you down then they're not really your friends. You just have to be honest with yourself. You really don't need Friends whose benefits no longer outweigh the drawbacks You know who I mean the friends who only call when they need something the ones who make you sort of feel a little bad When you fail and worse when you succeed Friends that borrow money from you and don't pay you back or borrow physical stuff like clothes or tools and forget about it

[03:11] Or when they do it comes back and we're shaped and when you have lent it to them Do you have friends who say shit behind your back those friends that are you know into misery loves company whiners and complainers? And how about those friends who encourage you to do things you actually don't want to do But you do it anyway because they egged you on they insisted and you don't feel good about it Have you had the balls to ditch the ones that got on your nerves or didn't do anything for you guys or gals who were just Window dressing and didn't add anything to the conversation. Sure. We've all had a few high-quality friends It is about quality not quantity Some of us have only had one or two very good friends You know, I've had lots of buddies who when they got married their wife cut them off from their friends I bet if you analyze it you think about it. Most of your friends are just acquaintances nothing more

[04:00] You can count your friends by who shows up in the hospital when you're really sick or on moving day Or when you're trying to round up bodies to help you build a fence or paint your house The sad truth is you really know who your friends are if you have a flat tire at midnight and your spares flat, too In that moment when you're thinking who to call the first person or two on your list if they're not family They're your real friends Oh, and I remember someone telling me once a long time ago friends who are envious or jealous of you are not your real friends Now that doesn't mean of course if one of your friends wins the lottery or buys a ferrari You can't be a little jealous. We all have a little bit of that baked in our personalities You know what? I mean? There are so-called friends that will actually sabotage you because you're doing better than they are in some way or other

[04:48] Because they've got a perpetual or slow burning jealousy or envy gene It's related to the word shiden fried in german. It means taking pleasure in someone else like a friend's misfortune By the way, and this is the point most expats once they've been down here in latin america for a while They tell me their best friends are not in the usa or canada. Not anymore They've mostly closed the book on that chapter in their lives in time They admit their best friends are the people they've met here in latin america. They're serious about it, too But the dirty little unspoken truth is about 95 percent of gringos and expats no matter how long they've been down here in latin america Their new friends and their new best friends are not latinos. There are other gringos and expats Let me tell you that statistic again about 95 percent of all the new and best friends

[05:35] Gringos and expats meet once they get down here are other gringos and expats not latinos or latinas Mostly because of the language barrier gringos and expats rarely know enough spanish to have a deep conversation with the locals And secondly, there's a big education knowledge and wisdom gap between gringos and expats and latinos and latinas They meet that said man. You just wouldn't believe how many cool expat guys and gals there are down here So many curious interesting fun and dynamic people all in one place not to say you won't meet interesting smart people up in the states It's just that most of them won't have that curious wanderlust gene You might call it a chance taking gene that most all expats have though. I admit these days It's much easier to adapt as a gringo expat than it ever was with the internet cell phones walmart shop go down here

[06:26] Amazon ebay you've got google translate which expats use all the time though. It does become a crutch By the way, I hate google translate never use it. Don't use google either Stuck with the perpetual gmail address though. I picked that up way before we knew what we know now about google Anyway, these days when I have to translate something a big document and I don't want to do it by hand I use chat gbt or translation site called deep translate and if you run all that stuff through a vpn and an anonymous browser like start page or duck duck go And use a disposable email address that you can get with start mail or proton mail They can't collect any of your real data to track you or sell you but you knew that already, right? Anyway, the point is if and when you move the hell out of dodge and get down here to latin america

[07:15] You will accumulate a brand new group of interesting intelligent friends who will motivate you in directions. You never even thought of before On that same subject. Here's an email from expat aj. He says johnny Tell people that if they really love being around people who have something interesting to share Then go to latin america and start talking to expats They have the best and most interesting stories He says that's why I listen to your show john not for the latest narco news out of mexico, but for the expat stories They're interesting and sometimes hilarious Aj says when I look back at my life in the states It was dead boring compared to living here in latin america and drab in comparison Black and white versus technicolor He says that was always one of those guys who like to do some exploring but it's kind of boring exploring alone

[08:07] It's no fun when you don't have someone to share it with He says once I got down to latin america I found there was no shortage of expats who would jump on board the exploration train with me You could be sitting around a little expat coffee clutch and say Hey guys Anyone want to go take a hike in the jungle this weekend or climb a volcano or go to the beach When you're with a group of expats, you'll always have takers All right. Thanks for that. Aj He's certainly got the right idea, which brings us full circle to the subject of regrets Yep regrets those things you start thinking about more and more as you get older and older Which can in many cases really depress you In fact, I just read a recent article about deathbed regrets

[08:53] Turns out there have been a lot of studies or polls done In nursing homes, you know people in their last years of life You might say they're sitting in death's waiting room. They're experts when it comes to life's regrets Turns out according to this article the top five regrets that people shared On their deathbeds with duty nurses in homes for the aged are number one. They said Overwhelmingly, I wish I'd had the will and perseverance to live the life. I wanted to live instead of the one others expected of me Number two the geysers said they wish they hadn't worked so very hard taking more time to smell the roses so to speak Number three, they said they wish they had had more courage to express their feelings instead of keeping their mouths shut

[09:40] When they had something to say Number four, they said they wish they would have ditched their bad negative friends when they had the chance Number five, they said they wish they had let themselves Be more open to happiness in the moment and not continuously project ahead Two bad things that might happen tomorrow because tomorrow's unpredictable and may never come You know, that makes me think of two really popular guys. I knew in high school nice guys They both end up getting married had kids right out of high school Then some years later on the grapevine. I found out they were divorced after coming out of the closet to their wives as gay Man, i'll tell you in high school. They hid it Well, but just imagine what a tragedy that is how many lives were ruined All that trauma that caused the wives the kids and the extended family I'll bet if you're over 50 you had some friends or acquaintances in high school

[10:28] That went through the same thing fact is many years ago when I first came to guanamala first year I was down I was taking a spanish class from a tutor who spoke no english We'd meet every morning for an hour or two in a little outdoor coffee shop I'd buy him breakfast and i'd read the paper in spanish and he'd correct me Well, there were a couple more gringos doing the same thing at the same restaurant Same time every morning. They too had tutors doing the same thing and I met this young belgian guy He must have been 21 years old. Actually, he was half canadian half belgian We ended up partnering up in a barn restaurant business. It did not work out Well, I told that story in a previous show anyway being that he was my business partner. He told me his life story one day Told me that his canadian mother divorced his belgian dad for get this another woman

[11:17] His mom came out as a lesbian when he was 11 years old he said Confused the hell out of him caused lots of psychological damage. He said just a case in point Anyway, just imagine the huge number of people up in the states canada in the first world everywhere Suddenly they wake up and they're old. They're 80 and they Recognize and realize they've lived a false life or maybe not exactly false but incomplete By the way staying on this regret theme just a little bit more I just saw a meta analysis of the most common life regrets. It showed that for americans us people anyway Not completing their university education or picking the wrong career because someone else like their parents insisted on it

[12:03] Well as it turns out one-third of people 33 Listed one of those two things as their biggest old age life's regret other regrets included getting married way too young Had kids way too young. They regret that they partied too much in school and regrets for dropping out of college Of course, we know these days getting a degree might not help you get ahead at all It'll just get you into a big debt hole You'll never be able to get out of the thing is those regret questions were asked to older baby boomers For them going to college and getting a degree worked out Well, so I suspect when gen x y and z are asked that question when they get old They'll have a completely different set of regrets probably just the opposite like why didn't I become a carpenter or a plumber? Oh, why or why did I get that stupid useless degree in journalism or gender studies or psychology or business admin?

[12:54] A waste of four years and 150 g's in debt By the way, tony robbins love him or hate him has what he calls a rocking chair regret test. You ever hear of it? He says no one wants to be 85 years old Sitting in a rocking chair and regretting the things that you didn't tackle out of fear trepidation or some other excuse He says a very good life can be measured by how easily you can sit in that rocking chair at 85 Thinking about that great life journey that you took rather than complaining about what you coulda woulda shoulda done But most people at 85 sitting in that rocking chair Wallow over lost opportunities, which begs the question. How is your plan becoming? It's never too late. You know I've even seen gringles and expats move down here latin america with what you might consider under normal conditions up in the states

[13:45] An insurmountable handicap yet. They pull it off and are glad they did and when you meet them you think how'd they do that? How's that possible? But they do it fact is not so long ago. I took a metatrainian cruise And you know if you're on a cruise, you're running to the same people all the time, right? Even though there might be two or three thousand people on the ship You see them when you're walking in hanging around and you see them out at the ports when you're sightseeing too Anyway on this last cruise I took there were two guys both 60 something years old both legally blind using red and white Walking sticks to get around they were buddies the team just those two sharing a room on the ship I'd see them on the ship walking around one behind the other with their walking sticks, you know poking the floor checking the angles Getting around pretty good. They were just a couple of buddies traveling together and hanging out now oddly not full

[14:33] Maybe it wasn't so odd. I'd see these guys walking around in places You'd never expect Rome Athens Pompeii and i'd be walking around checking out the museums or the cathedrals Whatever lo and behold i'd see those two blind guys walking on down the street at a pretty good pace One behind the other having a great old time And one time they were sitting at a table right next to me at a coffee shop and making those grease And you know you get to talking to people I always do found out these two guys were expats from salt lake city mormons Living in portugal on the algarve and guess what they told me they were on their fourth cruise So come on All you leakers out there you with your lame excuses why it's just impossible for you to get the hell out of dodge Yet these two guys with one of the best excuses they're blind

[15:19] Got the hell out of dodge and are living their best lives in portugal Please talk about all those able-bodied wimps who have all kinds of excuses and just won't pull the trigger Oh by the way, did you know that the subject of life's regrets is so popular there are websites where you can post your own life's regrets Hmm sounds kind of depressing, huh? Not only that there's a best-selling book called damn the reflections of life's biggest regrets Come on. You don't want to be a statistic like that now By the way, did you know what my expat insider seminar i've had blind guys and paraplegics who went on to become permanent expats In fact, I just got an email from mr. D a very smart guy who's also blind He's lived in a number of latin american countries as an expat

[16:06] He says johnny and i'll paraphrase this a bit He says i've been considering moving to el salvador, but i'm thinking the weather is too hot for me I don't very much like antigua guatemala. I thought of chella guatemala. That's x e l a Pronounced chella, but frankly the attitudes towards blind persons in guatemala make me think of looking somewhere else I know nowhere will I find attitudes like those in the us and the east coast where I grew up But those halcyon days are no more And living in denmark or switzerland are out of my range economically Mr. D says even in those countries things are not what they used to be I'm 78 right now. He says so prospects for fulfillment are not promising though. My health is still pretty good

[16:52] He says johnny you've lived in many places. So you might be in a good position to tell me about some possible alternatives How for example is the dominican republic the dr? Considering my previous comments looking forward to hearing from you. Mr. D Well yesterday, I wrote back and here's what I said, but I think I misunderstood him a little bit You'll see in his next reply to what I wrote. I said the truth is mr. D I've been almost everywhere in latin america And the dominican republic seems to be one of the least prejudiced countries i've ever been in in a lot of different ways, too There are mixed race couples galore and it's never mentioned and never a rumble or a stare But as usual there's a huge gringo advantage and they are Pathologically addicted to thinking if they could only get to the usa their troubles would be over. It's the land of milk and honey

[17:40] Since mr. Do you asked about the dominican republic? I wouldn't say they are completely Unprejudice or unbigoted though. No one is the fact is there are so many illegal heations even venezuelans That the natives are getting restless and pissed off for one thing There's almost no mixing between the heations and the dominican residents and to be perfectly on pc the venezuelans are more industrious smarter and more educated than the noticeably much lazier dominican guys that causes friction in the population too And the dominican girls and guys still prefer lighter skinned partners And you can tell that by the fact that when someone has a lighter skinned kid They become instant stars and princes and princesses of the family and for the rest of their lives everyone in the family

[18:25] Fusses over them. You also hear that color preference thing get tossed in idle conversations over and over again Just like in every other latin country like for example. Yeah, johnny Did I tell you my cousin one is a mechanic in case you need your car fixed? Oh by the way, he's a tall white guy almost as wet as you I'm thinking did he really have to say that? Oh, and I hear statements like the following from the locals too. Hey, johnny Didn't see you at the gym last Saturday. I couldn't go went to my cousin's wedding. She married a canadian A guy as wet as you their kids are going to be really beautiful And i'm thinking did she really have to say that? So you hear that stuff in the der like you do everywhere else in latin america even though the der Like I said is the least prejudice and bigoted country i've ever been to

[19:12] As far as the mating dating love and marriage thing. It's absolutely the united nations I mean in the best sense of the term Then I wrote anyway, mr Dee as far as how they treat blind people in the dominican republic since you asked Ever so often I see a blind guy walking along a busy street with a long white red tip walking stick cane And it never fails someone walks by a complete stranger grabs that person's arm and helps him or her along the only thing mr Dee it's like al salvador very hot nearly all the time sometimes even worse than al salvador Those are my two centavas. Anyway. Well, wouldn't you know it? I fired that response off to mr. Dee just yesterday And he answered right back. He said johnny. I don't disagree with anything you say I'm, also sure as you say people will want to help a blind person at a street crossing

[20:02] However, mr. Dee says the discrimination that i'm talking about that people with disabilities face Is of a very different kind? People in guadamala don't believe people with disabilities can do anything for themselves They think people with disabilities are mental retards the idea that people with disabilities can be lawyers Scientists authors teachers or anything useful is so pervasive that people who are themselves blind or can't walk or are deaf often hold these same discriminatory attitudes about themselves He says i've been surprised that even educated persons find it hard to talk to me or even go out of their way to engage with Me of course one faces those attitudes in the us too, but not to the extent i find here in guadamala He says i found much less of this kind of discrimination in argentina or cuba

[20:52] These attitudes were much more prevalent when I was in my teens But that's changed a lot in the us and to a lesser degree in europe So anyway, that's mr. Dee's response and i'm sorry to hear that people have that kind of attitude towards people with disabilities And if mr. Dee says he experiences different levels of it in different countries It's got to be a cultural and lack of education thing Though like he said it hasn't proved in the states in europe though seems to be backsliding a bit All you can do is hope for the best and keep the faith. All right, switching gears now an interesting email from armando He says johnny they're holding a big bitcoin having party in april 2024 At the decameron all-inclusive hotel and resort In salinitas el salvador. He says johnny. Have you been to that resort? What's it like?

[21:41] Well armando, you know in the first couple of years. I was doing this show I reported on that particular resort because i'd been there more than a few times So far it's kind of the only all-inclusive beach resort in the guadamala el salvador region In fact, it's a chain of resorts that first came out of columbia. There's at least 50 of them decameron resorts They've got them all over latin america I've been to a few of them the one you're talking about in el salvador two in columbia and one in panama Believe it or not. They've even got one in haiti I think it's the only all-inclusive in haiti and it might not even be open anymore considering haiti's Sort of a war zone under martial law right now Wait a minute. Wait a minute. I just looked it up. Yep. It's open. God who would travel to haiti to go to a resort, huh? Now about that decameron resort in el salvador now

[22:28] I've been to lots and lots of all-inclusive resorts in latin america And if your rate amount of one to four star bases i'd say it's a two star resort in no respect Is it luxurious in fact the rooms are very basic But you get what you pay is for right? Well, you'd think so most often I usually think that resort was a very good deal for the money, but no longer back in the old days Before the covid it thing and all that I must have stayed there at least 10 times Mostly because the price was absolutely right They have a little office in guatemala city and would have Specials a couple times a year where you could book an all-inclusive room for two You know double occupancy for around a hundred to let's say 110 dollars a night for two That's all you could eat and all you could drink And like any big all-inclusive resort, they had five or six restaurants buffets and snack joints going 24 seven

[23:20] With nicely manicured tropical grounds and a big gymnasium. No one used lots of pool and beachside activities in a big theater All kinds of water sports the works and for a hundred bucks a night for two. It was a steal But now some years later as armando has brought the subject up again because they're having a big bitcoin halving conference there It's not the deal. It used to be I assume most you guys and girls know what the bitcoin halving is right every four years The block reward of mining bitcoin gets cut in half making the mining of new bitcoins twice as hard twice as expensive And always a few months later contributes to a big pump in the price So for people who own bitcoin the halving Is a memorable event that happens every four years and worth celebrating? I'm sure when it comes there'll be a big hootenanny at that decameron resort now along with armando's email

[24:09] He sent me a link to the decameron what it costs to go there now It's around 200 bucks a night That's a hundred more than i'm used to paying though. Like I said, I look for the deals And since a couple times a year you can get the place for a hundred bucks a night if it's twice that much It's really no deal, but your call the fact is for 200 bucks a night There are some really great three and four star all-inclusive hotels in latin america But if the bitcoin halving parties had the decameron that'll be the place to be but they're gouging you a bit on the price They're not doing you any favors. Now. I'm not saying that decameron salanita. This is bottom of the barrel Though it is very basic and rough around the edges and the food although there's plenty of it Is nothing to write home about by the way you longtime listeners have probably heard me mention this before

[24:55] Practically every time i've been to that place. I was generally the only gringo there And you know what would keep on happening over and over again Some guy would walk up to me and speak pretty good english a latino He'd be looking sharp with nike's shoes gold chains all blinged out And he'd say those magic words. Where'd you from? And I'd tell him and say where'd you from and he'd say new york or my jammy or vegas whatever But he wouldn't be from those places. Not really He would be the latino that snuck into america a long long time ago, maybe 20 25 years ago Even he was the guy that beat the ads the success story the guy who now owns a glass company or Body shopper mechanic shop. He's the guy who's sending back The remisses to the family the poll folks back in the home country guatemala or salvador

[25:44] So what's he doing at that resort? Well, he's putting on the dog for all the poll folks back home Treating the folks he's sending remisses to is to something they could never do for themselves I've seen and heard that story so many times Guy sneaks into the states starts a little business does well Gets legalized and now he's the big kahuna in the family The rich cousin up in the states. The only thing is they don't have much in common with the poll folks back home anymore They get bored really fast with small town talk about grandma and the family who are still living in that poor body. Oh and the home country Which is why when they're at the resort and they spot a lone gringle like me They try to buddy up because in truth they have more in common with me than they have with the family They left some 20 years ago Fact is i've heard him tell me they feel like a sort of fish out of water in their own homeland

[26:33] It's strange their relatives usually don't like them much either because they're showoffs, but they like the remisses So they suck up to them though Some of these guys when they retire they come back live like a king build the nicest house in the hood Hail the conquering hero and all that in a way. You got to feel a little sorry for them They really don't fit in either world too sophisticated and americanized for the folks in the barrio But in no way homegrown americans either, but one thing's for sure their kids are pure homegrown american They just sit around all day in their beach chairs just glued to their screens addicted to social media Especially instagram and dikka. It's their parents that took all the chances and the risks paying off coyotes Sneaking into the states and their kids who had the luck to be born in america

[27:19] Are just as entitled as homegrown caucasian gen y's and z's And if you don't believe me, all you have to do is go to an all-inclusive Resort like that the camera on here in latin america. Keep your eyes open and observe and you'll see what I mean You've been listening to the expat files living in latin america If you need some help with your own plan b we can schedule a one-on-one phone or skype consult Just send me an email the expat files at gmail.com And if you want to get on the waiting list for my next week-long expat insider seminar in central america Where you're guaranteed to get a two to five year head start on your plan b. Send me an email the expat files at gmail.com