#1179 – The Expat Files: Understanding Latin America’s Challenges and Cultural Nuances

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came up to play and now that I wonder Hello there all you ex-pat wannabes I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America the show that tells you just what it's like to live Workplay and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started All right. How about this for a quick email that deserves a long Unconventional answer you probably won't be expecting this this one comes from Melvin in Toronto, Canada. He says Johnny Can you explain this about Latin America? It seems no matter how they try no matter how they pull themselves out of poverty little by little

[00:49] there always remains that gap between them and being first world in other words as First world countries get richer and more powerful at least they had until the covid thing Third world countries get a bit more wealthier and more economically powerful as well But remain third world countries because the gap between first and third world always remains they advance but they never catch up He says I've heard all the conventional comebacks like Latin American third world country Governments are much more corrupt than first world counterparts. That's more or less the accepted polite excuse Then there's the whispered politically incorrect excuse the whispered scuttlebutt on the street first world people saying well That's because Latin Americans in particular when talking about third world countries believe in manana time

[01:35] They are therefore a bit slower and lazier than first world people Then he says I don't believe that's the case at all all the Latin American people I've met are smart hard-working people who just didn't have an opportunity to succeed Not in the way people who were born in a first world country like me had that leg up that big advantage from the get-go He says Johnny So what's missing in that equation if Latinos living in Latin America? Remain third world no matter how hard they try to pull out of it Is it just that their governments and the example of their governments and bureaucracies so piss-poor that they're never gonna get out of the muck? What are the other factors? What am I missing? It can't all be dude to lazy ass piss-poor government There's got to be more sign Melvin from Toronto PS. Don't get me wrong

[02:22] I'm not slamming Latin America or Latin Americans at all My extended plan B is to get the hell out of the People's Republic of Trudeau and move south of south of the border myself I've been on my own Latin American country hunting mission for a couple of years now I've been down six or seven times and you're right John It's very important to explore off the tourist trail if you don't know Spanish It's a bit scary at first, but very much worth it Well Melvin thanks for that and to be honest I can't understand why Canadians aren't just stampeding out of that godforsaken place Maybe they are upcoming census stats will tell though. I thoroughly understand what's holding people back They've got connections family jobs fear naturally and a certain status in their local community So it's hard to make a break even when their lives will be so much better for it

[03:11] Anyway, Melvin is asking sort of the $50,000 question Why do Latin American countries and all third world countries in general remain third world? Why can't they pull themselves out of it? Does it really just boil down to their terribly bad corrupt and inefficient governments? Well, I'd say that's certainly the main reason but there are lots of interconnected other cultural reasons, too So if bad governments number one what comes in at number two? Case in point is this little story that I was told just a couple of weeks ago Whilst having lunch with a successful Latina businesswoman a beautiful 30-something lady Who because I've known her for a little while let her guard down and told me a story inadvertently I don't think she wanted to tell it but it was the right time in the right place I guess and when you hear this it sort of explains a lot of things that just can't be told on paper with black and

[04:00] white economic graphs charts and statistics as far as I'm concerned it directly relates to why Latin American countries remain third world and Not just for their crappy governments and malignant bureaucracies You see that little lunch. We were having was a birthday lunch for her She turned 33 that day and was out celebrating because you know in Latin America birthdays are a huge thing now as for me and most American males we could give a rip about birthdays our owner or anyone else's but we go with the plan as to not piss off the Women folk, you know how that goes the only birthdays we ever cared about where the certain milestone was 13 For example, because now you were a teenager 16 because you get your driver's license 18 because you could drink Well in some states anyway and 21 because technically then by worldwide standards, you're a 100% adult

[04:49] By the way, the other day I was watching an old 1950s Alan lad movie and his boss He worked for a newspaper said to him. So you want to quit your job and go to Europe? Go ahead Why not you're free white and 21? Hmm man, you'll get caught saying that today you'll get fired and they'll burn your house town You know, I read somewhere Hollywood moguls are putting together movie police that'll comb through every old movie since the beginning 1910 or something and they'll scrub all those gaffes and full paws out You know the stuff the slang the sayings that we're of a certain time But just don't play well today with the radical cancel culture woke stir language police Of course in a way, it would be a shame because it's history. They'll be erasing but I digress as usual were we? Oh, yeah, birthdays. Yeah birthdays and why most men don't give a rip about them as for me

[05:39] I probably care less about birthdays than practically anyone But I damn well have my mother and my sister's birthdays etched in blood because if I don't call them on those magic days I'll never hear the end of it and they seem to think they just have to check in with me on my birthday Too, but it's not necessary if they didn't check in it wouldn't bother me one bit So anyway, I'm at this little birthday lunch just this Latina lady and I and of course she had the day off from work because all Latinas especially get that day off for their birthday Did you know that some of them take a couple of days off even the week? That is the ones that are able to do that the ones that don't punch the clock anyway She'd had a few drinks. She was feeling pretty loose. She wasn't drunk You know just a little loose and I asked her this question What was your favorite birthday of all time the best one you've ever had the one you'll remember all your life

[06:27] I thought that was a nice logical line of questioning since birthdays are such a big deal here So she thought a bit for 10 or 20 seconds and started to cry now personally I'm not good when ladies cry most guys aren't they really don't know what to do and ladies know that Most ladies figure out at the young age that crying can be used to manipulate guys It's a weapon they have at their disposal that we just don't you know us guys stiff upper lip and all that now We're talking about North American guys Not Latino guys who could turn crocodile tears on and off at the drop of a hat Speaking of old sayings that persist but are pretty useless at the drop of a hat Really who wears a hat these days who drops hats these days? Anyway Latino men have learned to use tears as a weapon as well

[07:13] That's what they do and they get caught cheating and it generally works It does the trick at least the first or second time they get caught. So the birthday girl was shedding tears I figured tears of joy because I asked her what was her happiest birthday experience She then explained that on her 10th birthday, by the way, she's a twin So her and her brother her twin brother were told by her mother that their long-lost dad the dad that lived up in the United States and was working there sending money every month, you know Ramesa's Well, he was back in the country for just a short time and he was gonna take them out for their birthdays She said her and her brother were just Unbelievably excited because guess what they'd never really met their dad or at least they didn't remember him because right after they were born

[07:59] He headed to the States, you know illegally, of course in an attempt to work and send money back And that's what he'd been doing for the last ten years So sure enough the hour came they went to the restaurant met their dad. They were nervous ecstatic they had dinner he gave him both a couple of very nice birthday presents a Fantastic experience. She said they said their goodbyes and that was the last they ever saw of him He went back to the States right away and continued sending those remisses back every month for the next two or three years Anyway till they got notified that he died in an accident Now remember this is way before the internet really kicked in in Latin America and at least ten years before what's up So people just didn't talk back and forth to people in the States if they did back then it was like a buck a minute So they just didn't do it except for birthdays holidays and special occasions and their dad didn't even do that

[08:49] Because he was working in the mining sector the oil fields dangerous work So that was her story happy and bittersweet at the same time. And then she asked me what was the best birthday of my life I thought a while and I couldn't remember No birthday for me stood out in particular except maybe my 16th birthday because then I could sign up for driver's ed Get a license and get a car or at least drive my dad's second car the Junker, which was a 1959 Ramblin ambassador push-button automatic that old tugboat was his Junker the car He took to work, but man back then a car was a car didn't matter what embarrassing color model. It was Those days remind me of what Latin America is like right now To a Latin American guy a car is a car doesn't matter if it's got cracked glass. How many dents

[09:35] It's got whatever piece of shit it is It's a car now to middle and lower middle-class Latina ladies a guy with a car is made it. Yep That's right having a car is a line of demarcation if you have a boyfriend or husband, whatever with a car You've leapt over a very formidable economic gap It's not like in the States where a young kid a guy or girl has to have the right car the right color The right model or it's an embarrassment in front of his or her friends Man, just thinking about how that stuff happens in my own family up north makes me so glad I don't live up in the States But I digress as usual anyway Then by the way, the birthday girl Latina said would you like to hear about my worst birthday? And I thought wow sure tell me she said when her and her twin brother turned 18 her mother threw a party at the house

[10:20] As usual and here's what happened their mother had gone out to the store and the two of them the birthday kids Were in the living room sitting with her mother's boyfriend Yep, the widowed mother had a boyfriend Nothing wrong with that turns out after the family found out that dad up in the States had died a few years earlier Mom started dating again and somehow the conversation got around to their dead father Remember mom's at the store and the birthday kids are sitting talking to her boyfriend Reminiscing about the last and only time they saw the guy when they were 10 at the restaurant for their birthday That's when the mom's boyfriend chimed in he said you mean you didn't know Come on. Don't tell me you didn't know Both the twins chimed in and said know what that your mother was lying to you for your own good

[11:08] Then he floored him by saying their real dad was never in the United States and he wasn't dead He was a married guy with another family living in a different town about 60 miles away He lied to their mother said he was single. They hadn't a fair and he loved her and left her in about that little 10 year birthday party reunion Turns out the girl's brother the boy of the twins was a very very anxious to see his father used to pester their mother relentlessly Where does he live? When can we see him? Can we talk to him? Can we write to him? So finally their mother contacted the guy He didn't want anything to do with the mother or the kids and didn't want the scandal to affect his real family But money talks and she threatened to expose him So they made a deal and the mother paid him

[11:54] Yep paid money to go to that restaurant and give those presents which she also paid for She coached him about the lie what to say, etc, etc Well, you can imagine what went down when mother returned from the store and the cat was out of the bag Well, the two twins exploded with sadness extreme disappointment and rage But as it goes with these things eventually they got over it And we're back on speaking terms with their mother in a matter of a couple of days Soon enough they realized she was trying to protect him in any way She could the fact was they had half brothers and sisters running around that they'd never even known about And basically didn't want to after all that heartbreak But that is not the end of the story Their mother a hard-working latina who's always held jobs and taking care of the family with her own money

[12:41] You know the old saying good with money bad with love So she had another boyfriend got pregnant He left her right around when her twins were 12 years old Oh and remember the mom's boyfriend that spilled the beans at the twins 18 year old birthday Well good. Oh my had a kid with him too. So shortly after that little birthday party. Mom was pregnant again And believe me melvin speaking to melvin who wrote that email That's par for the course in middle class and lower middle class latin america every latin american family At least every latin american family i've ever known has those deep dark skeletons in the closet Not that north american families or canadians don't have deep dark secrets in their classes, too But i'd say most don't even compare to the stuff that's buried in the closet down here, man I'm telling you there are family rape and incest stories here

[13:28] You don't even want to hear also tragic and sad yet fairly common I'm sure that goes on in the states too, but you know what psychologists will tell you The number one risk factor by far with rape is having a stepfather living in the house with mom and the kids And even deeper underbelly of this story is that in the states, of course many mothers when they find out refuse to say anything They either remain in disbelief or don't want to scandal same thing goes for down here in latin america But it's worse though. Some cases I reported many more aren't from what i've heard here in latin america both second and first hand Sexual abuse in families is fairly rampant Especially in the middle and lower classes though, of course in the upper wealthy classes it happens, too In fact, I know of a case in guatemala where a father not a stepfather a father who had a nice middle-class business going

[14:17] He had three daughters living at home And the mom went up to the states had been working there for years legally as a nanny Sending remisses back home, which they really didn't need because dad had a local hardware store a few years ago I ran into one of the girls She was a graphic designer and had her do some work for me By the way, all three girls are adults now out of the house and college graduates Anyway, I ran into one of them. I asked her how things were going and she told me her dad recently died And I gave her my condolences. She said don't bother don't be sorry on occasion He'd get drunk and serial rape us when we were younger She said when he was alive, we would never open our mouths. It would cause such a scandal We've got military and government people in our family Anyway, I was shocked. I'd met the guy once or twice I still don't know why she told me perhaps it was because like she said when he died somebody talked the word got out

[15:07] So telling me was no big revelation To tell the truth after hearing a few stories like that from the horse's mouth. It's really sad, but it doesn't surprise me anymore After knowing all that I just can't help but believe that kind of macho abusive culture And the way women are mostly quiet about it or pretty much are afraid to open their mouths Sometimes you can hardly blame them for keeping their mouths shut Since it's a culture where guys like to knock their women around to me It's one of the big contributing reasons why the third world remains the third world Because when you've got so many broken families different kids from different fathers on top of the macho cheating culture Just the fact that it seems every woman over 18 has been cheated on and or smacked around by her boyfriend or so-called better half That does not bode very well for a stable launching pad to first world status

[15:56] Sure year over year men and women are getting more educated, but it still is an extremely macho society It'll take years maybe a generation or two to change things The courts will have to get tough throwing these abusive macho latin guys in jail. Hey, that's just my opinion for what it's worth But remember i've been down here over 30 years now I've probably heard more crazy tragic twisted stories from the horse's mouth in spanish Then you've ever heard from your friends and family up north in english Though somehow it is true. There are lots of happy endings to these tragic stories For example, the latina I was having the birthday lunch with she's a big success story despite of that tragic home life My theory as to why so many of them overcome that bad childhood and become something is that number one

[16:41] There is no safety net. No one's on welfare. There is no welfare system So early on they learn to have any money at all. They have to work which instills an entrepreneurial spirit at a very early age plus They see all their friends and family working hard at various jobs, too It seems to be the same story No matter how screwed up that family situation is all those Unwet moms and deadbeat dads and half brothers and sisters running around kids still go to school But even at 10 or 12 years old they're helping their mom and dad make ends meet They're out there working at the tienda shining shoes selling pastries cashews or handing out flyers That's the thing about latin society that does not exist anymore up in the states It used to be like that in the 40s 50s Maybe even the 60s and 70s back in the states when I was a kid the neighborhood kids 10 or 12 years old

[17:28] We're always looking for ways to pick up money cutting grass shoveling snow picking strawberries Putting up lemonade and hot dog stands washing cars That kind of kid motivation to make money just does not exist anymore up in the states because us us baby boomers and our kids too Who've got their own herd of entitled whiny brats now? We're all guilty of putting kids in an insulated protective bubble First world kids today are just not survivors. Sorry folks. They never will be They'll always need their mommies and their daddies and their safety net Now if you are under the delusion that your kids are survivors Just take their phone away from them for a couple of days Then just see if you're not tempted to dial the suicide hotline In fact, I was just reading an article about gen z Turns out in a recent poll of young social media users adolescent middle school and high school kids were asked

[18:19] What adult career they aspired to? 70 7 out of 10 of them said that their main career Trajectory in life was to be a youtube and or tiktok influencer You have to ask where the parents you know all of this Aren't they supposed to be preparing advising and counseling their kids about the future? Meanwhile, i've never met a single adolescent american kid I'm talking about kids that have visited down here in latin america where parents who live down here and brought their kids with them I've never met a single grade school or high school age kid who could grow a tomato change the spool on a weed wacker Dig a well change the filters or oil in a car fix a flat or even knows what an allen wrench is Under tough or hardship conditions. These kids would never survive but latin american kids, man That's a completely different story young kids down here fix things because they don't have money to buy new stuff

[19:09] They tinker away until they get it to work or have to throw it away Besides that when given the opportunity to work or there's a gringo in need Even a 10 or 12 year old latin american kid will do anything for a buck He'll pick up all the trash in your yard paint your garage hall wood pick weeds They'll take care of your garden or your brush with a machete and wield that thing better than you ever could Plus even the youngest of kids know how to sharpen those things. Some of them have this thing with them It's a little file called the lima l-i-m-a. They carry it just to sharpen their machete when necessary Do you know if a single adolescent or teenage american kid that knows how to sharpen a knife? I doubt it By the way, if you're down guadamalo way ask captain mango. He's building a little house on the coffee plantation. He runs It's not quite finished yet. But along the way, he's hired lots of little neighborhood kids to do various errands

[19:57] In fact, it seems they're lining up to work for him. We're talking for nickels and dimes. It doesn't matter Try pulling that off up in the states You know captain mango is pretty embedded with the local indigenous and latino community and he'll tell you the same kind of stories I just told you wives and young ladies working their asses off supporting their kids Living in dingy cold water flats while the husbands or daddies of these kids, although most of them do have jobs They drink a lot are abusive to their women and don't have a pot to piss in Captain mango's got a lot of stories like that and he's always helping out those kids Why not? He says none of them seem to have a father figure. That's worth a damn and captain mango He's a good guy an excellent role model except on tequila tuesday Oh by the way one more little addendum to that birthday girl story She has a nice car in good condition. Uh honda crv. I think it's 2018 model year and she keeps it in really nice shape

[20:48] Believe it or not. This might make you laugh. She's a mary k distributor. Yeah, mary k cosmetics and all that junk, right? Nope, she's not a sales rep though. She started that way a few years back now. She has lots of people under her She's a distributor and puts on events So i'm guessing she makes from a thousand to fifteen hundred a month which puts her Slightly above middle class here in latin america Of course, if you made that kind of money in the states You'd be living in the sears refrigerator box under a bridge dining on mac and cheese with a cat food garnish But down here man where the average salary is three to four hundred bucks a month. That's around four to five thousand bucks a year That's your standard minimum wage for most of latin america Though it could be up to 50 higher when you're on the gran go tourist trail In the states depending where you live minimum wage is anywhere from 15 to 25 grand a year

[21:34] Anyway, think about it do the math So i'm in the car with a birthday girl. She's driving a motorcycle is snaking through traffic on the left side He's way to the left but unbeknownst to us. He wants to make a right turn now remember he's on the left That's not where you're supposed to be to make a right turn The light turns green the birthday lady takes off the motorcycle guns it and whoops in front of her to make that turn Since she's going straight. She nails him with the left corner of her bumper He falls down with the bike picks it up. He looks at her calls her an ejo de puta and takes off Why did he leave the scene for three likely reasons number one? Of course, he was in the wrong number two He probably didn't have a valid license because if he did if he was legal he could get the driver Or the driver's insurance company to pay for his damages whether he was in the wrong or not In such a case, it's the car driver's word against the motorcyclist's word

[22:23] No witnesses would ever come forward to go to court in such a fender pender So we pulled up at the next block looked at the bumper and it was scratched to hell Deformed too because you know with all the plastic and cars these days any little wackled do some damage So she called the dealer she bought it off a car lot to get a line on the body man He uses we made a stop at the body shop the guy determined He couldn't fix the bumper need to buy a new one total cost for the part 800 bucks and for his labor 125 By the way, he showed us the bumper online He'd have to order it from the states and it'd be shipped down in a week or so So once again, it's a case of why do bad things happen to good people? Again, it's due to the plague of shipped for brains motorcyclists though Of course, she doesn't have to get the thing fixed at all. She's not like that though She's not going to let her car deteriorate and look like the rest of the perpetually scratched indebted shit boxes down here

[23:14] Now for us something like that's a minor inconvenience But for her a major tragedy because the guy's probably going to have her car for three or four days And that's how she makes a living making her stops with that car By the way, it's even got the mary k logo stenciled on the back window. Oh and that motorcycle guy He was a mess of tattoos both sleeves done. You know the drill carney style Do you ever notice that people who've got a lot of tattoos? They're almost always inked up with religious sayings and biblical mottos. They never live up to Hmm just saying All right. Now let's flash back to the last show or maybe the show before that when I was talking about Nicaragua and how i'd never want to live there But this place called san juan del sura on the pacific ocean side has its charms and possibilities a hundred miles or so Far enough away from managua where all the incestuous political dirtbags rule

[24:01] So you could live a nice peaceful plan b lifestyle and none of those malignant government bureaucrats will bother you However, it's my contention. You don't want to move to a country that's got a virtual dictator who's a noted human rights abuser, etc, etc It's like mexico There's a lot of beautiful places in mexico except it's a narco state the government the cops the bureaucrats They're all on the take though. I have to agree. There are some nice places to live work play But not do business in mexico sure wouldn't want to own land or property there In fact if I was living in one of those beautiful areas of mexico I'd have a plan c in other words an escape plan for when the shit It's the fan in my area because it's gonna come mexico is not getting better. It's not even in the holding pattern It's getting worse no matter where you live It could be the nicest place in the country if you live long enough

[24:47] The narcos are coming for your neighborhood too because guess what they go where the money is and gringos have money They know it. So just a warning if you found a nice plan b destination in the country, that's run by outlaws Well, all politicians are outlaws I mean of the kind that don't even pretend to deny it If you love the place by all means stay put but you should have a plan to see or you'll be sorry Anyway, there you have it my two cents you get what you pay for and you didn't even pay two cents. Did you? Anyway in response to the comment I made on the last show or the show before that about nicaragua Here's a report from andy who's been living on the pacific coast for quite a while He's living in a resort development golf course and all that called grand pacifica It's a gated guarded community with no towns nearby So even the unrest that's been happening in the capital has no effect on him

[25:34] It's a great laid-back area for surfers, too In fact last time he wrote he said it's so far off the trail. There are no restaurants within a 45-minute drive So he understands it's not for everyone Anyway in his email. He says this is andy with a nicaraguan update. I found a reason to hate bitcoin Our sleepy little development is now in boom times seems the developers went to a dollar vigil anti-conference Acapulco mexico, I think And the developers sold 100 tiny homes sight on scene to a bunch of native bitcoin millionaires Look what they did to my beautiful beach Then he attached some photos of all these little track houses that are half built None look occupied He said some owners came down last year expecting their homes to be finished and they're still renting other homes while waiting for that

[26:21] Others saw the place and bailed one is occupied with all the construction still going on with the rest of them Yeah, right. This photo he sent is worth a thousand words If you want to see it send me an email they expect files that you mail.com and you'll see what developers have done to this little place It ain't pretty though. He says we're still loving our life here on the beach despite nicaraguan politics But please continue to warn people away from nicaragua. We have more than enough gringos already He signs off saying thanks for what you do. Johnny p.s He says my wife and I want to go to the stem cell clinic. Send me some info on that We'll do andy. I'll hook you up with that stem cell info And don't you worry. I will continuously keep warning people away from having their plan be in nicaragua. Okay? However, i'm glad it's working out for you and your wife and it's relatively safe and quiet where you live

[27:09] But I have to be honest with you Sounds like it's way too far off the beaten path for most gringos and expats unless of course They're heavily into surfing as for me. I'm not a living by the beach kind of person I'm not quite ready to retire by the seaside watch the sunset pound down chincharones drown myself in margaritas and Visit old king montesuma if the plumbing permits maybe someday who knows You've been listening to the expat files living in latin america If you need some help with your own plan b we can schedule a one-on-one phone or skype consult Just send me an email the expat files at gmail.com And if you want to get on the waiting list for my next week long expat insider seminar in central america Where you're guaranteed to get a two to five year head start on your plan b Send me an email the expat files at gmail.com