#1163 – The Expat Files: Gun Ownership, Business Regulations, and Life in Latin America

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came up to play and now I wonder Hello there all you ex-pat wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started All right Let's jump right in a couple of shows go we're talking about guns in Latin America How gringos and expats can own guns in of course the countries that allow it the countries that don't allow gringos and expats or anyone Own guns. Well, they would never be a choice for my plane like for example, Cuba, Mexico, Brazil

[00:48] Venezuela you've heard me roll out the list anyway After talking about owning guns a bit and some of the rules and regs on a previous show Mr. K an expat living in Guatemala and a gun owner He sent me a copy of the actual test you have to take to apply for your gun license and the right answers He basically sent me a cheat sheet. It's in Spanish, of course Turns out there's 20 multiple choice questions and 12 fill in the blanks Plus there's an addendum to the test showing parts of a gun and all the rules and regs for owning guns in Guatemala So mr. K. Thanks for that much appreciated You know lots of people I think out there are gonna want to have a copy this just send me an email the expat files At gmail.com and I'll shoot you off a copy and though I have the official gun license exam for Guatemala

[01:36] I've been told that pretty much all 15 Latin American countries that allowed gringos and expats and well anyone who qualifies to own a gun They all pretty much use the same format It's a nice document to have send me an email the expert files at gmail.com and I'll send you a copy anyway Along with giving me a copy of the test mr. K writes the following He says Johnny as you mentioned I thought your listeners might want this material currently we're trying to find out if you can bring a translator with you if you don't know Spanish when you take the test as A lot does not stipulate you can or you can't it also does not require that you can read or write Spanish I suppose it's meant for the illiterates, of course He finishes by saying Johnny PS as to your question about the quality of your podcast

[02:21] Yes, you do repeat yourself But not that frequently and some repetition is required and helpful I think as for me I still enjoy your podcast and keep listening even though I'm down here now living in Guatemala myself Still your show is always interesting signed mr. K. Oh And just one more thing. I forgot to mention in one of mr. K's earlier emails he said Johnny I'm into natural and homeopathic medicines as much as I can be and through a Recommendation from your favorite Guatemalan dentist. Dr. Alex My girlfriend and I found a real MD who's part-time heart specialist and the other time at Naturopathic practitioner He mainly works with homeopathic compound medicines a lot of them made by a company called heal in Germany I'm familiar with and he also uses electro acupuncture

[03:09] No, this is no torturing device either and he uses neurotherapy as well as far as naturopathic medicine He's really on top of it. Anyone interested in his context. Just let me know Alright now an email from Mel a former expat insider seminar attendee She's in Panama right now and she wrote this about gringos and expats trying to do business in Panama. She says hey Johnny I just heard about a new requirement for doing business here in Panama Seems they are cracking down on paying folks under the table. It's a no-no. You mustn't do that anymore turns out There's a new requirement that requires your accountant to register all your employees monthly in a new online system and rectal actively I mean retro actively to back to the beginning of the year The intent is for employers to prove they are paying their part of the Social Security into the system

[03:58] All right. Thanks for that info. Mel me Johnny here. I'd say rectal actively does kind of sum it up Hmm. The fact is if you end up having your plan be in Panama You have to realize the government there is on a fast track to doing everything possible to be first world Especially in the area of fees taxes and other government couches. After all, there's a lot of money slashing around in Panama mostly foreign money from Europeans gringos and the Chinese of course were bringing in tons of money In fact, the Chinese now owned land that both ends of the Panama Canal that sound okay to you Well, I know quite a few gringos and expats doing business in Panama and they are not okay with it They're saying things like as long as tensions with China are low and everything's okay business wise No problem, but they're worried about the future and worldwide tensions are only gonna get worse

[04:47] think about it if you're living in Panama and the shit hits the fan worldwide and it looks like the fuse has already been Lit and you happen to be a Canadian or a US citizen living in Panama You're a Westerner and the Chinese basically own your country. Is that a plan B destination you want to be in? Personally, I don't get it. There's so many intelligence smart even brilliant expats and gringos Most of them completely aware about what's happening around the world how it's rapidly unwinding and deteriorating We're talking about smart people who are not in any manner woke they get that plan be going They get the hell out of dodge they move to a place like Mexico or Panama. They find a nice area nice niche They're in their own little paradise. Yep They're smart for getting the hell out of dodge all right But they never seem to give any thought as to what it's gonna be like two three five even ten years from now

[05:38] They make that plan B decision based on what it's like living there right now as if it's gonna continue to remain that way And remember speaking of Panama and the fact that Panama is Latin America's Banking hub and people that do business there will tell you that the banking rules and regs have become extremely excessive in fact that last count Panama City alone has 67 banks and the rules and regs for gringos and expats and any foreigner to open bank accounts are out of this world and Look out if you want to open a legit business the labor laws are extreme too, and they do enforce them I've got gringo friends in Panama City who have businesses who say they'd never do it again five or ten years ago It was a piece of cake it used to be easy But now it's a red tape nightmare And if you have any employees at all you have to keep filing monthly and quarterly reports

[06:25] So with all the first-world people piling in and all the bank and banking regulations I wouldn't want to be doing business in Panama nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there I know I know every gray haired gringo with a plan B wants to move to Bocchetti they hear it So nice is slightly up a mountain so it's a little bit cooler than the coast Loaded with retired gringos and expats too to me. It's just another version of a Miami old folks village I've been there the weather's nice. It's not exactly the altiplano But I was bored out of my gourd within a week hell It's like a gringo retirement village if you like that kind of thing old gray haired gringo retirement folks are predictable They have their habits coffee clutch and playing checkers with other gringos and watching sunsets And actually fading into the sunset is not my idea of living the expat dream to me

[07:14] There is no real vibrant energy there They roll up the sidewalks at nine, but hey for some expats and gringos it is I know some gringos up in the States They're close to retirement and all they talk about is being able to play golf every day I say hey go for it But it's not my idea of the way I want to fade into the sunset that may be fine for you I don't know as for me. I'm kind of restless I need a wide variety of things to do that don't involve sitting in a rocking chair on the porch No matter how beautiful the sunset is is my idea of retirement doing laps with the geysers in the mall hitting Starbucks twice a day And staring at a screen nope not in your life. I mean not in my life Hey, I'm not not gonna if that's what you like, but it's not for me all right speaking of Panama You know a couple of shows ago. I was talking about those huge protests in Ecuador

[08:02] They're over now for the time being but the natives are restless and there are lots of supply chain problems now They're threatening to do it again. If the government doesn't comply with those gas subsidies They say if the government doesn't hold gas prices to three dollars or less. They'll go on strike again meanwhile the protest Contagion due to inflation and high prices has hit Panama in a big way more than it ever has in recent history again, it's all about the hoi polloi wanting something for nothing which basically means price controls and subsidies and Subsidies you know are always coming from government coffers that are already empty So they raise taxes and take out more loans from the IMF the World Bank and the Chinese of course Governments never learned. They're retarded every experiment with price controls and subsidies and

[08:49] With disaster with shortages supply chain problems and black and gray markets There are hundreds of examples of how that plays out And it's never good, but it stops the protesters from picketing and taking to the streets at least for a while Hey, we all want something for nothing. I want something for nothing, too. You got something to give me. I'll take it And now it's super high food and gas prices There are protests going on all over the world and there are big ones going on in Panama right now Protesters from many different groups too though. It's most exclusively the middle and lower middle classes that are taken to the streets People living on the edge living from day to day But anyway in Panama protesters are from all different groups now They're all demanding lower prices for gas food medicine and get this you're demanding less corrupt government and the cut in government wages, too

[09:39] Yeah, right like that's ever gonna happen Isn't it funny though of all the protests going on in all the world there are hundreds of them a day in different places Right the only group that never seems to protest at all our government workers in that funny However public school let his government teachers go on strike all the time because they really do get the shit end of the stick You may have heard me say this before it's a fact seems like in Latin America every middle and lower middle class person wants to work For the government with the exception of primary and grade school teachers They do get the shit end of the stick But the rest of the government jobs including university professors for some odd reason actually I do know the reason teaching at a public university in Latin America is a revolving door for Politicians turns out getting a teaching or professor job at a public university in Latin America

[10:29] It's all about what political party you're connected with. That's why public universities here are just like in the states socialist indoctrination mills Anyway, it's true almost every middle and lower middle class Latino that doesn't own his own business Would prefer to work for government instead of a private employer Because they pay twice what the private sector pays for doing half the work and you can't get fired Not even if you screw the boss's wife, it's the same in the u.s Right, then again, if you kill her they'll probably fire you but you'll get back pay and lifetime health insurance a little hyperbole there But it's not such a stretch. That's what it's like up in the states I heard it from the horse's mouth a union steward from the Chicago Street Department He was half joking when he said it, but he was half bragging, too

[11:14] Anyway, Greg was an expats who've been living in Panama for a long long time Say there haven't been protests like this in over 30 years but one thing the main road that goes through the country the Pan American Highway is Blocked in many locations makes it impossible for gas food propane, etc to get delivered Supply chains have been cut so many gas stations are out of gas and grocery stores have bare shelves Farmers aren't delivering their crops. That means they're eating well But people in the bigger cities have more limited choices at the markets Now the government has caved a bit at the start of the protest gas was five bucks a gallon And now they've lowered it to 395 and now it's 340 the protesters However are demanding three dollars or less a gallon and of course nothing's for nothing So what do you think this subsidy money's coming from on top of that?

[12:01] The government has put price controls on basic food items Which even feeble-minded economists like the ones working at the federal tell you is a recipe for shortages Meanwhile Vicky from Montreal, right? She says Johnny can't wait for your next seminar Almost made the last one, but we were locked down so hard and heavy It was a no-go from the start Besides that if I could have made it there on my way back to Canada. I would have had to spend 12 days in quarantine Automatically Johnny, what kind of world are we living in that should have been the last straw for me And I thought it was but then again things loosened up a bit Everyone went back to work and you kind of forget how bad it really was then came a new last straw the last Last straw for me was that new federal carbon tax that we have here in Trudeau's Canada

[12:48] It's causing the price of food and other goods to soar Trudeau has implemented it here and it's coming to the states They've found another way to pick our pockets. It's coming to the states real soon Don't you worry a carbon tax on everything you buy and now our mental midget cabinet ministers are proposing a Tripling of the carbon tax by 2030. I can't get out of here fast enough I heard you say your next seminar will probably be in Dominican Republic Sign me up because before I leave the communist state of Canada. I want to get that fire hose treatment. You're talking about All right. Thanks for that Vicki. Hope to see you at the seminar I think it's gonna be in October late October in The Dominican Republic the DR as we normally do it'll be a week-long event everyone drinking from the fire hose

[13:36] We won't let you drown, but I hope you can swim morning classroom afternoon boots on the ground We're putting the plan together right now and to get on the early bird discount waiting list Send me an email the expat files head gmail.com Alright switching gears a little bit. You know, I don't like to turn this show into a lonely hearts Club meeting and dating forum But believe me, I get enough emails and questions about mating dating love and romance Latin style I could have two shows completely one just for expat living in Latin America and the other Exclusively for love and romance after all I'd say a good 50% of everyone who comes to my seminar is either single or divorced and Looking for our open to love and romance hopefully not in all the wrong places so the mating dating love and romance theme is always

[14:24] Lurking somewhere in the background and so often months sometimes years later when I run into expat insider seminar alumni Who were unattached when they first came down? Most all of them have told me it doesn't take long at all for a relationship to develop Even when the gringo Spanish really sucks and there's a huge language barrier and some people who've been down a long time have been through a slew Of them, but sometimes especially on the gringo tourist trail gringas and gringos will para whatever that's like It also happens once in a while when a married couple or couple comes out They become casualties of divorce or separation, too I've seen that happen any number of times as one gringo expat friend of mine said a guy in that very same situation He said the mistake me and my ex had before we were exes is that we thought moving to Latin America

[15:09] I was gonna fix some of our marital problems He or they figured getting completely away from the environment They were in a fresh start with all new scenery and faces would save the marriage Well, he said they made the right move All right But it didn't fix the underlying problems that were already there and now in their case both of them are living happily Ever after in Latin America with different people. Hey that happens more often than you think Alright since I teased you a bit with the mating and dating thing Let me pull an email out of the expat lonely arts club pile this one comes from mr. James He says Johnny the dating and mating scene in Latin America for gringos can be summed up as follows Be careful what you wish for I know it's a cliche, but it sure sums up. What's happened to me

[15:56] I'm 54 years old and in decent shape I've been living in Guatemala for three years now and my Spanish is just now kicking in I came down with no Spanish whatsoever I've been living in a lake at Kirtland region of Guatemala. What's called the most beautiful lake in the world I'm just starting to understand the lingo of the local people on the street My Spanish is starting to work But still people give me a funny look and I often have to repeat myself when I see that quizzical look on their face Like they just didn't get what I was saying and vice versa, too I find myself saying otra vez por favor or rip it there La por favor or my default no entiendo meaning repeat that please or give it to me once again Or I just don't understand no entiendo and then most often they'll rephrase it in a simpler way

[16:44] Anyway, Johnny I came down here as a single guy who oftentimes struck out in the mating and dating game in the States Johnny I struck out a lot in my hometown of Denver. I was always a five going after eights It's always been my mo since high school. That means my ego was bashed and bruised relentlessly Think about it a guy who always sets his mating and dating bar too high is gonna get slapped down a lot Bad for your ego and self-esteem, but you get calloused to it Some of us are just masochists with unrealistic expectations yet We keep playing a lottery hoping we'll win after all there are all kinds of male dating self-help gurus out there Building our hopes and egg in a son those dating gurus tell us average guys We can punch above our weight after not having a single date for over a year and a half

[17:33] I bought all the books and courses I thought I'd learned the art of disaduction with a newfound confidence I jumped back into the game again And when I did I did manage to date a few women who were eight's it didn't take long though to find out the girl Was either a psycho she was broke or had extreme kid and family baggage. I even got engaged to one She turned out to be a closet drinker with a mean streak. I found out the hard way There are many hidden tragic reasons why eight's nine's and ten's will lower their bar to go out with guys like me I'm just an average guy not a doctor a lawyer a guy with a beamer with me you get what you get I'm just a nice stable peaceful guy with a paid for middle-class house and a humble bank account But it seems I'm not good enough for a girl who's an eight or above unless she's desperate or has some kind of fatal flaw

[18:18] The sad thing is and maybe it's true of a lot of people it seems the more relationships You have the more guilt you have about those former relationships that didn't work out for me There's a general place in my brain. I think that's reserved for pain and guilt of broken past relationships I sometimes remember those things that inopportune moments even happy moments things will pop into my brain to remind me of past Failed relationships that could have worked out if maybe I'd have been more flexible or tolerant. Yes I feel a certain shame and regret especially when I'm listening to country music So after being out of the game for a while, I dipped my toe back in about a year ago Now I started hitting the American meeting and dating sites, man. Do people lie? Maybe I'm just too old-fashioned. I've been out of the game for so long. It's no fun

[19:05] I've been on a few days, but the whole prospect is nerve-wracking There's just so many restrictions things you can't do things. You can't talk about subjects You can't bring up your hands are tied so to speak You dare not touch her without permission or drink too much or let her drink too much You got to watch your P's and Q's all the time you tell an off-color joke She might say you're sexist or racist and it's over if you mentioned Biden is walking dead and falsies a scam artist That BLM is ridiculous You're an automatic knuckle-dragon Trumper a Nazi and heaven forbid you open your mouth about Vaxxis and lockdowns being a scam if the date doesn't turn out right and it pisses her off in some way You'll get smeared on social media So for me the dating game in my town is just too much for me to handle So initially my problem was that I'm a five who constantly gets rejected by eights though

[19:55] I am occasionally sought after by twos threes and fours making the whole business not worth the hassle and not too long ago I got my plan be going landed in Guatemala and looked in the mirror And I was still a five with a pension for pursuing eights But being sought after this time by three fours five sixes sevens eights and nines And because my Spanish was poured a non-existent it took me about six months to realize it and this Single observation proved more valuable to my auto esteem and self-worth than three years of therapy So a word to the wise Are you broken and lonely hearts Club members up in Canada and the United States who discovered those mating and dating sites are minefields? If you're single with a plan B in Latin America, you must remember once you arrive

[20:41] It's a different playing field altogether. You must adjust your mating and dating strategy accordingly and About baggage once you hit 50 and re-enter the dating game as I have you'll find out quickly No one out there is without baggage. Have you checked your own lately? Signed mr. James the guy who finally won the lottery Then we've got this email from Richie He says Johnny people wonder why I'm able to get my plan B going at the ripe old age of 45 We have no debts. Our house is paid for we just sold it and have a very decent bank account It's just that I don't have the number one baggage. Most people have when they're thinking about getting the hell out of Dodge namely We don't have kids and never plan to have any We have a group of like-minded friends who desperately want to get the hell out of Dodge, too

[21:29] We're talking about it all the time, but they can't right now Probably not for a long long time because they have dependent lazy ass kids Some in their 20s too that they're stuck with who they coddle and continuously support They've become the final safety net for their own unmotivated kids. The furnace goes out The car breaks down they call daddy can't scratch up the tuition payment for the grandkids school They call daddy at 45 I watched all my friends go through the ups and downs of having kids And from what I can see having kids is a burden that never ends People are way too proud and indulgent of their kids, too They turn 16 you buy him a car why because they earn it because they deserve it then comes freshman year in college Daddy runs a spring break trip to Florida or Costa Rica because they earned it because they deserve it

[22:19] Thing is Johnny I have many friends and acquaintances with adult kids and not a single one of them is curing cancer or changing the world in Any significant positive way yet? They all have nice cars and apartments take vacations and go to expensive private schools Of course, many of them are way over the heads of school loans But guess who cosigns mommy and daddy you can look up how many mommies and daddies are on the hook for their Unmotivated kids delinquent student loans hundreds of thousands of parents are making those payments now call me cynical call me cruel Johnny But having kids seems like a very bad investment Johnny I never wanted kids and feel no guilt over it even more so now that I was able to get out of dodge and escape To Latin America at the ripe old age of 45 It hasn't escaped my notice that most of the gringos and expats who are now living here in Latin America

[23:05] got here when they were 60 or so some of them probably half or more not in the greatest physical shape either and Almost to a person. They all say moving to Latin America was the best thing they ever did They wish they would have done it sooner, but they couldn't why number one reason kid baggage and Don't think I haven't heard the common defense of why you really should have kids. You've heard it a million times, too It's about the twilight years your children are supposed to take care of their aging parents in the twilight years It's the unspoken duty of every kid, right? Well, that may have been true of the baby boomers and earlier generations But in our present world of super entitled kids appears to be that most of them are hanging around their parents Just long enough to make sure they're still in the will

[23:50] Because everyone knows it's the baby boomers turn to croak and they've amassed an unprecedented horde of capital and wealth and where do you think that's gonna go when they die right into the laps of their Entitled kids and grandkids for those who aren't naive enough to think that your twilight years in the nursing home Senior Center will be filled with loving visits from the kids and grandkids Then I guess you haven't visited a nursing home lately. They're just chock-filled with some of the loneliest people on the planet Though I do understand my opinion will get a lot of pushback Especially from those hypocrites who secretly agree with my points I understand after investing 20 years of your life your wealth in your time in the kid program

[24:35] It's hard to look back and admit to yourself It just wasn't worth it life could have been so much easier fewer worries so much less stress and drama Go ahead admit it, but you won't I've watched how my friends kids have control their lives From the moment they get up to the time they go to bed kids influence what you eat where you go where you live How much money you can spend what kind of car you can drive how many hours you can play or not play video games? What you do in your time off the influence whether you can or can't have sex what you wear where you spend your leisure time? Where you go on vacation? What do you watch on TV even what friends you can and can't have in fact because me and my wife don't have kids Sometimes we're not invited to certain activities of our friends who do have kids Wonder why I never want to have kids

[25:22] I was one of six kids myself, and I remember not enjoying it much at all Everything was a major production the noise around the house was always at a constant rumble My mom was warned to a frazzle and my dad and I rarely got along probably because he was so stressed out trying to support His huge growing family he didn't have time or the energy for anything else He worked two sometimes three jobs and was always dead tired when he got home flocked on the couch had a beer watch TV And fell asleep watching Johnny Carson. He was out by midnight I didn't get married till I was 30 and my wife said about kids she could take him or leave him The unspoken truth is people don't like to hear her talk about this But my wife and I can't list how many adults we know with horrible adult children who've been a pain in their asses their entire lives

[26:08] Kids you can have them Alright me Johnny here Richie I know many parents whose kids truly limited what they could accomplish because they always had to deal with their kids and bail them out of their Problems even now when these kids are in their 20s the parents feel a commitment to help them out Isn't it supposed to be the other way around? In fact a banker friend of mine told me there's an unprecedented number of baby boomers Refinancing their houses that have been paid for for years just to get their entitled 20 or 30 something kids out of some Kind of financial hole anyway, there's a little more from Richie. He says sometimes when people ask us Do we regret not having kids? We fantasize a bit what it might have been like to have perfect children and perfect grandchildren But then I look at my nieces and nephews and realizes that it was a 50-50 chance

[26:58] Roll of the dice at best sign Richie being wife newly arrived expats in El Salvador Well, Richie, thanks for that. And I'm sure what you said Resonates with lots of people but they don't want to talk about that stuff not mixed company can't be sort of touchy as for me I'm also one of those guys who's never had kids And man if I had a nickel for every time someone said when you're gonna have kids I have another Bitcoin by the way, just for the record I have a six nieces and nephews all of them are super entitled yet Only three of them show the least bit of appreciation for what they have and the other three are good enough actors to make sure they're in Daddy's will You've been listening to the expat files living in Latin America If you need some help with your own plan B We can schedule a one-on-one phone or Skype consult Just send me an email the expat files at gmail.com

[27:44] And if you want to get on the waiting list for my next week-long expat Insiders seminar in Central America where you're guaranteed to get a two to five year head start on your plan B Send me an email the expat files at gmail.com