Episode Summary
In this episode of The Expat Files, Johnny Mueller explores various aspects of expat life in Latin America, from cultural celebrations to bureaucratic challenges and local business opportunities.
Johnny begins by discussing how expats and gringos in Latin America celebrate Thanksgiving, highlighting the mix of tradition, adaptation, and local culture. He explains that while many expats bring their Thanksgiving customs with them, the experience is often different from the United States. Johnny also touches on the availability of Thanksgiving foods in Latin America, noting that while some items may be less traditional or more heavily processed, they are still accessible. He emphasizes the contrast between the natural, unprocessed foods available in Latin America and the heavily processed versions found in the U.S., suggesting that expats can adapt and appreciate the local food culture over time.
Next, Johnny discusses the use of chicken poop fertilizer in small-time farming in Latin America, emphasizing its natural and organic nature. He then transitions to a political observation, noting that during election periods, fertilizer is often distributed to poor farmers as a political favor, which contributes to a more productive growing season post-election. Johnny contrasts this with countries like Venezuela, Cuba, and Nicaragua, where there is no opposing party, so such political favors are unnecessary. He then shifts to a discussion about expats and their struggle to adapt to life in Latin America, highlighting the importance of learning Spanish and the irony of some expats criticizing immigrants for not learning English while themselves not learning Spanish. The segment concludes with an email from a listener who has been living in Latin America for a year, sharing his top 10 list of lessons learned, including the importance of having a good lawyer, and Johnny adds a humorous comment about the slow pace of Latin American lawyers.
In another segment, Johnny discusses the bureaucratic challenges of dealing with government paperwork in Latin America, attributing the delays to government inefficiency rather than personal negligence. He emphasizes the importance of having a good lawyer and highlights the need for patience and adaptability when living in the region. He also shares personal experiences and lessons learned, including the importance of renting before buying a house, the value of a good realtor, and alternative business opportunities such as teaching English online.
Johnny then turns to opportunities for expats in Latin America, particularly for teaching English. He suggests that expats can find students through bulletin boards in upscale areas like supermarkets and malls, where Latin parents often post ads for English lessons. He emphasizes that this method is cost-effective and can yield a good number of students. Johnny also mentions the importance of creating a website for communication, which is affordable. The segment transitions to Joe Cano's perspective on cryptocurrency, where he shares his experience of investing in crypto and highlights the potential for significant gains. He compares this to the early days of McDonald's expansion, suggesting that the crypto market is still in its early stages and that now is the time to invest. Finally, the segment covers Joe Cano's insights on living in Guatemala, noting the kindness of Guatemalans but also the challenges of driving there, advising expats to be assertive on the road and to consider car insurance options.
In the final segment, Johnny discusses the challenges of car insurance in Latin America, emphasizing that even though cars may seem cheaper, full coverage is rarely worth it due to the difficulty of getting insurance companies to pay out for minor damages. He shares a personal anecdote about a minor car accident and the low cost of repairs, highlighting that the deductible often makes full coverage ineffective. He also touches on the issue of motorcycles and traffic cops, describing them as chaotic and unpredictable, with traffic cops often prioritizing their own rules over road safety. The segment concludes with Johnny sharing insights on dating and romance in Latin America, noting how his 66-year-old father has found success with younger partners, and the importance of exploring the local area for expats to feel safe and connected.
The episode concludes with a guest's reflections on living in Guatemala, including insights on the social scene and potential business ideas. The guest also expresses regret over not moving to Guatemala earlier and mentions a desire to be involved in future events. The segment ends with a call to action for listeners interested in Plan B and upcoming seminars.
Episode Notes
In this episode of The Expat Files, Johnny Mueller dives into the unique ways expats and gringos in Latin America celebrate Thanksgiving, highlighting the blend of tradition and adaptation. He also discusses the use of chicken poop fertilizer in small-time farming, the political influence on agriculture, and the challenges of bureaucratic inefficiency. Johnny shares insights on adapting to life in Latin America, the importance of learning Spanish, and the role of lawyers in expat life. The episode also touches on opportunities for teaching English, the state of car insurance, and the social dynamics of dating in the region. Finally, the segment concludes with a guest's reflections on living in Guatemala and a call to action for listeners interested in Plan B and upcoming seminars.
For more episodes, seminar information, resources, and the full archive, visit ExpatPlanB.com.
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Related guides: Moving to Guatemala · Healthcare in Latin America · Cost of Living in Latin America · Residency in Latin America · Renting and Buying Property · Safety and Scams
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Topics
Thanksgiving in Latin America, Expatriate culture, Food and food processing, Cultural adaptation, Chicken poop fertilizer, Political influence on agriculture, Expats adapting to life in Latin America, Importance of learning Spanish, Role of lawyers in expat life, Cultural and political differences in Latin America, Bureaucratic inefficiency in Latin America, Importance of a good lawyer and realtor in property and business matters
Chapters
00:00:00 Opening 00:00:35 Thanksgiving in Latin America: A Cultural Adaptation 00:00:59 The Availability of Thanksgiving Foods in Latin America 00:03:13 The Chemical Cocktail in U.S. Turkeys 00:05:23 Chicken Poop Fertilizer in Latin America 00:05:41 Political Influence on Fertilizer Distribution 00:06:16 Political Systems and Fertilizer Distribution 00:07:00 Expats Struggling with Spanish 00:08:46 Importance of Having a Good Lawyer 00:09:35 Slow Pace of Latin American Lawyers 00:10:33 The Paperwork Delay 00:10:49 The Government Processor Mistake 00:11:06 Complaining Won't Help 00:11:10 Latin America's Bureaucratic Culture 00:11:20 The Gringo Lawyer Saga 00:11:33 The Role of Spanish in Government Paperwork 00:11:49 The Inefficiency of Government Processes 00:12:09 The Manana Culture and Government Corruption 00:15:44 Finding Students for English Lessons in Latin America 00:16:52 Joe Cano's Perspective on Cryptocurrency 00:19:24 Joe Cano's Insights on Living in Guatemala 00:20:57 Car Insurance in Latin America 00:22:18 Motorcycles and Traffic Rules 00:24:30 Dating and Romance in Latin America 00:25:51 Exploring the Local Area for Expats 00:26:18 Confidence in Social Scene Knowledge 00:26:35 Business Idea for Expat Events 00:26:59 Regret Over Delayed Relocation
Transcript
Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.
[00:00] South of the border, down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came out to play and now as I wander Hello there all you expat wannabes I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to The Expat Files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started Yeah, so I know this show is going out a couple of days after Thanksgiving Even so I'd like to make a few comments about the way gringles and expats spend Thanksgiving holidays here in Latin America Yeah, it's true. Most gringles and expats carry that custom with them whence they get that plan B going now latinos themselves
[00:49] Don't celebrate Thanksgiving But they know we do and they call it dia del pavo that means turkey day the day of the turkey But for gringles and expats down here There's no shortage of restaurants that throw a simulated Thanksgiving dinner Just for Americans and it is you know a good excuse to have a party in it Though if you think about North Americans coming down to Latin America and celebrating Thanksgiving That doesn't seem logical does it because just by getting out of dodge Rejecting the idea of living in the States the new meaning of Thanksgiving has superseded its original purpose That's the way I look at it If you're into the holiday to actually give thanks for something Not just because it's a day off to stuff your face and watch football That day of thanks was originally based on gratitude for landing in the new world and enjoying its freedoms and bounties
[01:37] Hey, all you expats out there does that ring a bell? So for sure some gringles celebrating Thanksgiving in Latin America are doing it because they're thankful They got the hell out of dodge and it does take a lot of planning and fortitude to get a plan B off the ground That means most Americans that are down here permanently Obviously think the good old us of a doesn't have much to offer him anymore Or they want to spend so much time effort and dough to get the hell out of dodge and the idea of Thanksgiving You know the origins is about thanking God Buddha Krishna Allah whatever for being able to land in that new bountiful country called America and Getting a second chance at life after having a really rough time back in Europe back in the old country So looking at it that way a celebration for gringles and expats in Latin America would be an order though for some if not most It's just another reason to have a party. So anyway, we do bring that custom of Thanksgiving with us and
[02:28] Most of us will admit if we don't do some kind of version of the Thanksgiving dinner thing We feel kind of strange and empty on that day Now as for me, I've been down here a long long time and I've been to many of those restaurant style Thanksgiving dinners Unfortunately, they come up short though. Almost all the big first world hotel franchise chains offer some form of Thanksgiving on that day They do fall short, especially on the fixings the side dishes You know the stuffing cranberry sauce pumpkin pie though You can go to Walmart or Costco called price mark down here and find their substandard versions of that stuff during Thanksgiving week It's never like mom or grandma did it but you can get all that stuff down here You can get everything down here in some form or another or monely injected butterball turkeys, too Butterball turkey one who came up with that name. It sounds good sounds natural and wholesome, right?
[03:18] Have you ever looked at the mandatory ingredient tag on a butterball turkey? They made the print font Microscopically small so as not to scare that 1% of people who might actually want to read the label and find out the kind of Crap, they're injecting into those things man And I thought supercalifragilisticexpialidocious was the longest word in the English language Until I read the label on a butterball turkey They've got a half a dozen words that beat that one out But I digress as usual though I did want to drive home the fact that there's almost nothing you can't get down here in Latin America That's available up in the states as Dickens might say the best of stuff and the worst of stuff like for example All the fixings for a Thanksgiving dinner including all the preservatives antibiotics hormones and additives or and this I really like you can go down to one of the big markets go down to the area where they have the live chickens and poultry
[04:06] Pick out a turkey either dead or alive. Yeah, you can pick out a live one and they'll whack it right there for you I personally don't have the stomach for that a lot of people don't that said let a newbie Gringo's are surprised They've got turkeys down here. In fact, I've seen a few wild ones out in the boonies myself They are indigenous to Central America, you know Anyway, you go down to one of the big markets They've always got a live animal section if you want to know how to find it Just follow your nose that barnyard smell, you know is unmistakable Anyway, if you buy a turkey at one of the big markets You'll be skipping all those wonderful preservatives and additives. You've been used to for so many years though There are some Americans I know who will taste a turkey like that and say something about this Just ain't right most likely because they never tasted a turkey that hasn't been injected with a chemical cocktail But if you live down here long enough and shop at those big markets soon enough
[04:54] You'll get used to the way natural homegrown food is supposed to taste Speaking about being down here long enough to appreciate unadulterated food or mostly unadulterated food I'll explain. Yeah, they use fertilizer and insecticides down here But oh so sparingly because hell that stuff costs money and the little mom-and-pop farmers and truck farmers down here I're always living on the edge just barely making ends meet and they watch their expenditures like nobody's business That's why as disgusting as it sounds Chicken poop fertilizer is really big down here small-time farmers use it all the time Keep that in mind next time you shake hands with a farmer. Hey, don't knock it. It's all natural and organic However, do note right around election time talking about the big national elections the presidential ones that come around every four or five years
[05:40] Depending on the country That's when the rubber meets the road regarding fertilizer because right before election time you longtime listeners heard me say this before all of a sudden flatbed trucks start showing up in the poor pueblos on the boonies and Sacks of fertilizer are handed out to the local farmers and the stacks They're giving away our stamp with oversized political party slogans So, you know who you can thank in the voting booth for that freebie favor So that's why if you're wondering why the growing season right after the presidential election is more productive and bountiful than normal It's because poor farmers are dousing their fields with that free fertilizer Of course, none of that happens in Venezuela Cuba or Nicaragua because for them when election time comes around there is no opposing party So you don't need to buy or bribe anyone for a vote. Hmm, but you knew that already, right or did you?
[06:29] Alright, so today we're gonna start with an email I think you're gonna like because it hits on a theme that so many expat gonna bees and wannabes are Interested in that they're wondering about the question on most everyone's mind one of the main questions Anyway, when fresh green gringos first get down here is this how long is it gonna take for me to fit in for me? To feel comfortable with my plan B and my decision to ditch everything and come down How long will I feel displaced like a fish out of water? Because we all feel slightly out of sorts when we first get down Especially if you're like the vast majority of gringos and expats and your Spanish sucks Now, of course, if you left the US or Canada and landed on the gringo tourist trail It won't be much of a culture shock to you It won't take much to fit in because you'll be around scads of people in the same boat
[07:17] And certainly you'll be able to survive there without knowing any spanish at all Now I know i've said this before too, but it just amazes me how many gringos I meet who've been down here Five even 10 15 years who don't know enough spanish to have a conversation with their cleaning lady Yet they're the same people who get pissed off at immigrants who land in the us who never learn english I say you've got no right to gripe about that until you learn decent spanish yourself All right, let's get to this email. You're gonna like it It's from a guy who came to one of my expat insider's seminars something like seven or eight years ago And after that it took him a couple of years to get his ducks in line But he got his plan b started and got the hell out of dodge like so many of us He procrastinated but finally made it down and he writes this email reporting in because he's been in latin america
[08:02] A grand total of one year. It's his one-year anniversary. Oh, and it might add one year of living way off the gringo tourist trail He starts off by saying hey johnny joe cano here I know i've been dark for a few months But there's been some personal things going on here that have made it hard to reach out to you But all has been resolved. Anyway yesterday. I was at the latin american costco called price mart And I was informed that I need to renew my membership You know what that means i've been here for a year my how time flies one year good excuse to have a party So you might be asking what have I learned down here in one year? Well today for you johnny. I have my top 10 list Let me give you the highlights. Number one. This is the most important thing, too Make sure you have a good lawyer
[08:48] They will be a solid foundation for you to do everything else here in guatemala That's where I am But i'm sure it goes for all of latin america now You may only use the guy or gal every so often or you may be in contact with him or her all the time like me But the important thing is having them for emergencies I've called my lawyer jose the friendly seminar lawyer for things ranging from starting a new business To getting me out of a jam with the cops. Yep. We all have those days, you know, well I do anyway So kudos to my lawyer jose. Not only is he a great lawyer, but a great friend All right, me johnny here just to inject a little comment It's a fact you will get frustrated with your lawyer whoever he or she is Even if you really like the guy your relationship will have its moments because in many ways they're not
[09:35] Like lawyers up in the states. They're on manana time all of them So you'll have to keep track of the things you've got going with him Because for example, he might say i'll get back to you in a couple days on whatever and a week even two will go By and you'll think something's wrong He dropped the ball when in reality a couple days for a lawyer down here does mean a week two or even three So don't get pissed get used to it. So my advice just have your lawyer on speed dial if that still exists I guess i'm showing my age now. Let's see. Where did I put my beeper? You know, I remember way back when when beepers first came out People said they were just for criminals and drug dealers Then after about a year or so every doctor and lawyer had one and then common people too Sounds a lot like bitcoin, doesn't it? But where were we? Oh, yeah latin lawyers. Well, here's a perfect example. Just the other day
[10:22] I was talking to a latin lawyer who was getting some paperwork apostilled for me. I needed it for a real estate deal You know about apostilling documents, right? You need to know how to do that when you go for residency Anyway, he was supposed to have it done a couple of weeks back. So I called him up We were talking a while about certain other things and he didn't even mention he missed that paperwork deadline by a few weeks And finally towards the end of the conversation when I mentioned it he said oh, yeah Well, I forgot to tell you I got the paperwork back He said but one of the government processors made a mistake so they're doing it again Which means there goes another couple of weeks in the crapper So in reality, he didn't drop the ball at all. Some government slug did And no matter how pissed off I might have been about the whole thing and I really wasn't because I know how things go down here You have to realize bitching and complaining won't help things go any faster
[11:10] This is latin america things roll the way they roll And believe me i've seen many gringos and expats just blow their tops at lawyers And all it does is put you at a higher risk for a stroke Not him and it seems to be a huge topic of discussion whenever a bunch of gringos get together Everyone's got a latin lawyer saga or drama The fact is though every time your lawyer needs to get government paperwork and that's exactly what he does, right? That's his job or most of it. You can't get that stuff unless your spanish is perfect And still you might not be able to you got to pay him to do it Well, there's a big chain of events a huge long process to get paperwork from government It goes through many hands many agencies often many departments That's why you see so many signatures and stamps on these things. I know it's totally ridiculous and beyond inefficient
[11:55] But that's really one of the primary roles of government any government to make things more complicated To expand their reach hire more people grow like cancer And that really is the basic reason why latin americans are so calm and collected while standing in lines It's because of their own shiftless corrupt lazy ass governments. They're the ones who've bred and perfected the manana time culture So you can get pissed get high blood pressure and a stroke over it Or you can let it flow the way it's going to flow either way. You're not going to change the system That's why I say when you first get down here things like that will irritate you but try not to let it get to you too much I know that's easy to say but our emailer joe cano who has been down just a year now seems to have gotten over that hump Just fine All right in this lessons learned in one year Here's joe cano's lesson number two
[12:43] He says rent a house for at least six months before you even think about buying it You've been saying this for eight years plus now johnny and i'm happy to have listened My first house was not too far away from you by the way a great house quiet neighborhood Safe as the day is long even had a giant park with several different walking trails. It was beautiful I hated it I found myself having or wanting to go to this city almost every day Which meant sitting in traffic for two to three hours a day I had to time my life around the traffic If i'd bought a house there i'd be stuck But jose the lawyer made sure I had a nice little escape clause in my housing lease Just in case it was relatively painless to break that lease and move out Which brings us back to point number one have a good lawyer
[13:30] Now for point number three He says this tip is related to point number two, but slightly different If you're picky on where you live or are looking for something specific like me I wanted a specific type of house in a specific zone in the city with a yard for my dogs Not an easy task to find in the big city. You need a good realtor So I churned through about a dozen useless realtors before I found an amazing one Her superpower is actually listening to the things that I tell her Imagine that all joking aside. She's wonderful speaks english and is a dentist but got bored with it Now she helps gringos and high net worth individuals find houses I'll use her for my real estate in the future and i'm happy to pass her information along to you or anyone if you like Thanks to her. I live in the best part of the city the most exclusive zone
[14:18] Rent is a bit more of course But it's still way less than rent in my old city up in the states and I have a yard for my dogs, too All right. Now we have tip number four concerning things he's learned in the last year living in guatemala About doing business here. Yep. There are business ideas everywhere. You look you just have to get out a bit to see them If you can't see them I'm, sorry to say you might be blind or maybe shouldn't have a business in the first place Some of us aren't made for that, you know In fact, I just thought of a business regarding blind people. Yep. Just today says joe k Just to prove a point you mentioned on a recent show johnny those zipper belts The leather ones that you seem to be only able to get at lake atit line in guatemala I'm making a point of tracking those things down make a deal with the guy who makes them open up an online store
[15:07] It really is just as easy as saying just do it And if doing or going into business just isn't your thing You really could earn a decent living teaching english online. There are plenty of rich kids here whose parents will pay All right, me johnny here again with my two cents on the ever-changing world of teaching english to kids Well for those of you guys and gals out there who've heard that teaching kids online meaning chinese kids online That was the biggest business. Well, that's dead in the water. The chinese government has shut that business down But still there are great opportunities. I'll tell you what within a month's time i'll bet you a bitcoin Well, maybe a tenth of a bitcoin That I could have a full schedule of kids upscale latin kids from the local area whose parents will pay for them to learn english the gringo way
[15:52] That is from a real live gringo not in school from a latin person whose second language is english And you could find those kids old school way too By just going to the supermarkets and malls and upscale areas locating their big bulletin board They've all got one or two and putting in a nice little blurb with a tear-off sheet on there You know what i'm talking about. Of course, you'd have to throw together a website so they could check in with you But these days man, that'll cost you less than 50 bucks to put the whole thing together In fact, if you live in a fairly upscale neighborhood and most gringos and expats do I'm talking about the definition of upscale neighborhoods latin style That'd be middle class up in the states. You could probably recruit quite a few kids from your own neighborhood So next time you're in latin america, just check out the big upscale supermarkets For example in guatemala, that would be la torre and have a look at the bulletin board
[16:40] People have blurbs. They're selling cars offering yoga classes You name it and that's where you'd put your gringo english teacher available blurb and just a little bit of creativity It'll go a long way because you'll have no competition All right, and then our man joe cano who's been living in guatemala exactly one year talks about crypto point number five He says johnny s for crypto. I really don't need to elaborate too much Just a little i've watched this space grow like crazy Over the past year to 18 months and i'm happy to report i've made an embarrassing amount of money in crypto The future is coming and it looks good. If you're in crypto if you're still on the fence about it. Listen to this I had the opportunity way back when to buy bitcoin at 25 cents It's close to sixty thousand dollars now
[17:28] Yeah, that's right. I'm saying I could have bought it for a measly quarter Though I couldn't figure out back then how to do it So I put the idea on the back burner But i'm serious if I had captain mango to hold my hand back then I'd have enough dough right now to buy a small country. So take my advice. Don't sit on the sidelines of crypto Don't be like me. It's not a good feeling to watch other people get those gains You have the help and resources at your fingertips right down here in latin america Just look at what they're doing in el solvador. Don't procrastinate. Don't waste your time Just thinking about it life-changing opportunities like this only come around once in a couple of generations And it's not too late. You might be hearing a lot of buzz about crypto right now, but it still is just starting All right, me johnny with a comment, you know people will say to me Yeah, I should have got in early the top is in so there's no more big money to be made
[18:15] I say man, you couldn't be more wrong. We're only just getting started It reminds me way back when when the first few mcdonalds popped up in chicago I remember my dad and his buddies talking when I think there was only three mcdonalds in chicago at the time I heard one of them say yeah Some people have all the luck too bad We couldn't have got in on the ground floor of that Even though get this back then at that very same time in the 60s mcdonalds was selling additional franchises for 25,000 bucks And these guys my dad's buddies were talking as if the market was saturated when here there were only three mcdonalds in all of chicago land And by 1980 just within the chicago city limits There were over a hundred and they were all jamming making big money And the franchise fees jumped from 25 grand to a half million bucks and here my dad and his brilliant buddies passed on mcdonalds
[19:05] They thought three in a city the size of chicago was too many the moral of that story Well, you know the moral of that story I know I know now i'm gonna get some emails now from people saying they would never ever eat at mcdonalds. It's poison It's toxic. Hey, i'm with you. I totally agree. I'm just pointing out an example here All right now for joe cano's point number six what he's learned about latinos After living down in guadamala for one year. He says johnny Guadamalans are the second nicest people on the planet unless they're behind the wheel driving In almost every other case they'll bend over backwards that make you happy with a smile on their faces, too But they will frustrate the hell out of you on the road And i'm making a big effort here to be kind to be nice with my language I'll tell you johnny and i'll tell the world driving in guadamala not just in the city
[19:54] But the country is like driving in los angeles on steroids at night with no brakes and no lights One thing you must realize if you're going to drive down here If you drive defensively, you will not get far It'll take you twice as long to get anywhere you want to go I found out quickly you need to assert yourself on the road For example your turn signal if you decide to use it, it's not a request not any longer It's a declaration of intent with no guarantee of follow-through. I repeat don't be timid and don't be sorry if you are aggressive I've found if you rent a car for a few weeks, that's more than helpful, but make sure it's got car insurance I say make your mistakes with someone else's car before you go out and buy one. Okay, it's me again and for my two cents Joe k did mention car insurance unless you buy a brand new car or one
[20:43] That's maybe one or two years old do not get full coverage Buy strictly third-party liability. It'll cost you maybe 150 to 200 bucks a year And even though full coverage might cost you four five six or seven hundred bucks a year depending on the value of your car Even if it seems a lot cheaper than in the u.s It's almost never worth it And why is that well if you think it's difficult to get an insurance company up in the first world to pay a claim You ought to see how tough it is to get them to pay out here in latin america That's why I always say even if you have a nice car in decent condition. That's a couple of years old It's almost never worth it. I'd still skip full coverage Since bodywork is so cheap. You almost never hit your deductible. For example, just two years ago I had my car side swipe two doors and two fenders dented and creased I was lucky. There were no broken lights or mirrors cost me around
[21:31] $400 to get it fixed. Imagine that 400 bucks the whole side of the car in the states two grand easy Of course, I only had liability insurance and if I would have had full coverage My deductible was around 500 bucks. So the repair still would have come out of my pocket so basically down here in latin america full coverage for your car is only good for two situations if your car gets stolen or Total for regular scratches dents and fender benders pretty much the norm for everyone down here Even if you have full coverage the insurance company rarely pays out Why because most of that stuff's under 500 bucks and that's your deductible. It's almost as if they planned it that way All right, then comes joe cano's lesson number seven. He says johnny after one year down here Here's my observations about motorcycles and traffic cops in a word
[22:18] He says I know this is related somewhat to point number six, but motorcycles are a terrible plague here They live by their own rules make them as they go along and when those rules don't work out They only occasionally default to the regular rules of the road For example, they use the lines that separate the lanes of the road as their own private lane And if you hit them or cut them off while they're changing lanes and weaving the cops will side with them and claim It's your fault johnny. I've come to regard Motorcyclists as the worst kind of pest and they should be treated just like cockroaches For example, we give them the courtesy of our turn signals and our brake lights and most of them have neither Speaking of pure pests those ever-present traffic cops who go by the letters
[23:07] PMT PMT stands for policy municipal transito meaning municipal transit police Though captain mango says PMT stands for preventing the movement of traffic. He got that right Captain mango is always good for a few third world nuggets of wisdom He's been down here a lot longer than I have and knows the turf But after one year I can smell a traffic cop a PMT from a mile away Because when they're up ahead, that's usually how far their idiot moves will back up traffic All right. That was tip number seven. Here's eight people here are both terrified and fascinated by my dogs You see johnny? I brought my dogs here from the states and one of them is a big german shepherd right out of central casting He looks intimidating
[23:53] But if you look at him for more than three seconds, you'll see he's just a big kid Also a pretty old guy too People just stare and keep their distance though Though sometimes I don't know if they're keeping their distance from the dog or me Yes, I knew getting my dogs here from the states would take some doing but it wasn't too big of a deal I got to keep him with me on the plane too Not stowed somewhere with the luggage. I wouldn't do that to my dogs The trick is to convince the airlines you need your dogs on the plane for emotional support And now johnny we get to the nitty gritty point number nine The things i've learned about love and romance in a year in latin america specifically guatemala You've heard of shooting fish in a barrel and fishing with dynamite, right? Well now just imagine if you were fishing with dynamite in a barrel i'm being serious now
[24:40] It's really as easy as saying hi and letting your gringo advantage take you the rest of the way. I'm not kidding Why would I make this up? Johnny i'm not going to call out a list of my successes here in fear of being interpreted as being a braggart or macho jerk So instead i'll tell you about the dating successes of my 66 year old father Who is also living down here by me now? He also came down with me to your seminar some years ago Anyway as for my 66 year old father without going into much detail. He has three girlfriends now Aged 46 38 and 34 And he's been down here only three months It's kind of strange when your dad has a girlfriend younger than you are. So is he doing okay? I'd say he's doing better than okay And as for single gringo ladies that come down, I see them around all the time
[25:29] I see him mostly with younger good-looking latin guys, too So it goes both ways here And wise old captain mango gave me another nugget He once told me the fastest way to learn spanish is to get a latina girlfriend. He's absolutely right There's a bit more to what he said, but we'll keep it pg here And finally point number 10. It's perhaps my best tip for newbie gringos I found out quickly. It really pays off for me any way it did to explore In fact jose our seminar lawyer swears. I know guadamala city better than he does But i've made it a point to get out and know my surroundings. That's why Even in the zones i'm not supposed to be in my checkout sometimes I don't recommend this for everyone, of course But i've never once felt unsafe in this country not once in an entire year
[26:15] Even when i'm giving the cops a hard time So as for me when it comes time to get out and party or meet people I know for the most part where to go where the fun and hot spots are In fact when new people come down to see lawyer jose and they want to go out somewhere He just gives me a call. I can always find great things to do and make sure everyone has a good time Hey, see now. There's another business idea expat party guy event coordinator think it'll fly Well, there you have it johnny. I've been down here a whole year and that's my top 10 list of observations There's more but i've whittled it down to 10. Oh and just one final thought johnny I'm on board to be a driver at your next seminar so people can pick my brain if they want signed jocano p.s After living one year here in guadamala. I only have one big regret
[27:04] Not moving here in 2013 when I first came to your seminar I wasted eight years thinking about it trying to prepare when I could have come down here right then and there and been so much happier Oh and johnny, please send me the solar power updated info you have signed jokay All right, joe real good information there and i'm glad your plan b is working out so well for you and your dad I kind of knew it would and i'll send that solar stuff off to you in a day or two You've been listening to the expat files living in latin america If you need some help with your own plan b we can schedule a one-on-one phone or skype consult Just send me an email the expat files at gmail.com And if you want to get on the waiting list for my next week-long expat insider seminar in central america
[27:50] Where you're guaranteed to get a two to five year head start on your plan b. Send me an email the expat files at gmail.com No spamos