#1096 – Episode 1096: Expats in Latin America, Motorcycle Safety, and Cultural Adaptation

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] Hey, let's get really on PC today, okay? We'll concentrate today on emails that I've gotten from expats living in Latin America. Some real boots on the ground stuff for you today. And as usual, I'll cut out the boring and irrelevant stuff. I cut that to chase and get to the high points. This one's from Kurt, a new expat living in Guatemala City. He says, Johnny, I just got back from walking to the big grocery store, picking up some things. On my way there, a car and a motorcycle turned right onto a plaza. The motorcycle, of course, taking the far right and swinging around the car. Well, he cut back way too early and side-swiped the car and flipped his bike. I was right there. I reacted like any decent person. What I ran over saw he was breathing but unconscious. So I lifted his bike off of him and stood the bike up on its kickstand.

[00:48] The car that he hit took off and more people started to gather around. Gapers black and all that, you know. I propped up the guy's legs like they do when some boxers get KO'd but wasn't going to touch his helmet, which was halfway off his head for fear of possibly exacerbating neck injuries. I thought when he wakes up, he's sure going to be happy he had his helmet on. Anyway, Johnny, I started to notice with all the people standing around, no one else was doing anything, just watching and talking amongst themselves. I started to get the vibe that they weren't going to touch him at all due to some maybe screwed up law that they could be liable for something, if they somehow intervened. I started getting mad about it but realized that maybe I'd be screwed too if that was the case. I was thinking a gringo getting a fair chance in a Guatemalan court, lots of luck.

[01:36] Though maybe if you paid off enough people, I don't know. So anyway, I noticed there were cops only about two blocks away. Everyone started yelling for him, but again, no one's taking action. So I trotted over to the cops. I tell one of them in my crappy Spanish and hand gestures, there's an accident and medical assistance is required. The cop responds in English. So I know he understood me. Then he flags the six cops right across the street. But they stayed where they were. I watched in disbelief and started waving at him and pointing towards the crash site. But again, nothing. The cops were just milling around talking to each other. I watched for about five minutes and neither the cop I told nor the other cops across the street even moved. I couldn't believe it. Maybe that same law I was referring to applies to them. Who knows?

[02:22] My friend in Argentina said it's like that there too. Only medical people are clear from whatever stupid laws they have regarding accidents, bystanders who help them, and good Samaritan laws and such. I just hope the guy's okay and hopefully the fact that he was right by Blue Medical, a clinic slash hospital in zone 13, helped. But the incompetence, it just killed me. When I got home, I screamed into my pillow. Though I know that won't help because nothing will change. All the best, Johnny. Signed, Kurt. Well, thanks for that, Kurt, and I do have a few things to say about that situation. Well, I can tell you this, Kurt, when newbie expats first come down, they see all kinds of things like that and they get outraged. But as the months and years pass, the longer you're down here as an expat, your whole

[03:08] mindset about these kind of things begins to change. I bet, Kurt, if that situation happened five years from now, once you've had five or so years of boots on the ground and you've kind of picked up on the nuances of the culture, I'll bet you, your email comments to me would have been structured quite differently. Number one, Kurt, as you'll see the longer you live down here, everyone agrees, even motorcycle drivers themselves, that motorcycles are the bane of society. They're annoying like flies, cougaraches, and mosquitoes, but harder to swat. Not only annoying for the constant whine of their rice-burning motors, they're dangerous, unpredictable, and a hazard for everyone, even pedestrians. On top of that, and this is no exaggeration. They break every law in the book. They scratch the sideswipe cars. They run stop signs and red lights with abandon.

[03:56] Even more shocking, more than 50% of them don't even have a driver's license. And that's not just hearsay or an off-the-cuff accusation. There have been dozens of reports and studies proving that. Even worse, and God knows why they take the chance. They go the wrong way down one-way streets. They even drive on sidewalks. In fact, I personally have hit two motorcycles and wiped them out. Both the drivers live, but their motorcycles will never hit the road again. And that's a good thing. So I guess you could say inadvertently, I've done my part to keep dangerous lunatics off the road. Both times, it was 100% the fault of the motorcyclists, who at the time were breaking multiple transit laws, with one of those fools going the wrong way down a busy one-way street. The truth is, most everyone is so infuriated with motorcyclists here, they've long

[04:41] since developed a callous attitude when they do crack up. Sure, it's human nature to feel for even brain-dead idiots who do stupid moves in traffic and get hurt. You know what I mean. Most all of us who aren't sociopaths have compassion when people get hurt. Even if it was absolutely due to stupid dickhead recklessness. In fact, I practically can't take a ride with a gringo anywhere without someone in the car commenting on some lunatic move made by an idiot motorcyclist. Even longtime gringos, people who should be used to seeing that kind of stuff, just shake their heads in disbelief. Now, X-Men Eddie, who's also got a pretty good motorcycle count with his vehicles, he just calls it a war between us and them. In fact, a while back, he proposed having some bumper stickers printed up, like World War II fighter planes had stickers on their side for every

[05:28] kill they'd made. Each kill was signified by a plane painted on the side with a skull and crossbones over it. Eddie's ideas have motorcycle stickers with skulls and crossbones on them to put on your car bumper every time you tangle with a motorcycle. That wouldn't make motorcyclists keep their distance, huh? Now, there's a novel expat gringo business idea. Anyway, so I see this all the time. New expats come down and they see how motorcyclists run red lights, how buses blow smoke in your face and they run red lights, how guys with regular cars run red lights. But I'll tell you, as far as maniac moves on the road and transit and fractions, there's just no comparison. Motorcyclists take the cake and then some. And newbie gringo is an expats just erupt with furor when they see that.

[06:13] They can't believe it. Meanwhile, for the locals, it does not faze them one bit. They're so used to it. And that does have something to do with, probably a lot to do with the fact that when there's a motorcycle crash, people look in gay bar, right? That's natural, but they're not overly shocked or concerned. But you know, strictly speaking, that's what you call Darwinism. When you're driving in Latin America, it really is survival. The fittest out there and the fittest people have the biggest machines. The cars and the trucks will always win out over the motorcyclists. Like expat Eddie said, it is a war with motorcyclists, nearly always the losers, but still, motorcyclists continue to drive like crazy madmen. In fact, all you have to do is visit any hospital emergency room and talk to the doc who's on duty. I've been told personally by more than one emergency room doc

[07:00] that more than 50% of the emergency room visits are motorcycle drivers and passengers who've cracked up. Yet when you talk to Americans who've never been to Latin America and ask them that same question, namely, what group comprises the biggest percentage of emergency room admissions, they never get it right. Not even close. They always guess gang-related violence or gunshot wounds. Why? That's easy. That's how the lame street media in the States likes to paint Latin America. All gang wars and drugs, but that's completely wrong. Obviously, they're confusing Latin America with the south side of Chicago. Worse yet, I've been told by cops and emergency room doctors and I've read the statistics in the news that less than one in a thousand motorcyclists has insurance. Can you believe it? The stats also point out that only about one in a thousand

[07:48] Latin American motorcyclists drive expensive bikes like Ducati's Harley's Indians and BMW's. Those are the only motorcyclists that are intelligent enough to carry insurance. And if you think it's because the ninety nine point nine percent of the idiots driving those low CC rice burners just don't have the money or resources to pay for insurance. Well, you'd be wrong. I've seen various insurance company brochures and motorcycle insurance last I checked was around five to seven dollars a month. Even a guy making the minimum wage 300 or 400 a month. You can afford that with ease. It's not a matter of money. It's a matter of education in the vast majority of motorcyclists are absolutely clueless. No doubt about it. They really are a menace to society. In fact, I personally know a young lady who was in a

[08:34] coma for a week after a terrible accident. She was riding three on a motorcycle and the other two passengers her two cousins were killed. She survived though. Speaking of way too many people on a motorcycle when I first got down to Latin America. I would take pictures of three four even five people on a bike though after a while. I didn't bother anymore because it's just so common and my personal best. Well, I have a photo of five Latinos on a motorcycle along with their dog to don't believe it. Send me an email the expat files at gmail.com and I'll shoot you off that photo and a couple more. Oh and one more thing as Kurt pointed out in his email the cops don't care if they did they'd be stopping and finding practically every motorcycle because they're all committing multiple infractions. I'd say 70 to 80 percent of them have safety violations

[09:22] and are unfit for the road. In fact, I'd be willing to bet that half or more the motorcycles in Latin America don't even have functioning breaker headlights. It would save a lot of problems and start a new trend if the cops actually pull these guys over but they don't. You see three and four on a motorcycle whip right by cops all the time and the cops give them not a second look and at night when you're driving you always spot motorcyclists without light. It's infuriating especially when it's foggy. I mean come on how hard is it to go to the part shop and buy a light bulb for a buck or two. That's why simply put it's Darwinism survival of the fittest nature is cruel and the biggest idiots suffer the most and as far as traffic transportation and mobility the biggest idiots by far are the motorcyclists. So obviously they suffer the most but they never

[10:08] learn now as far as that supposition that Eric makes in his email that somehow there are some laws that penalize the Good Samaritan down here. So that's why people don't act. Well, that's not true at all. No one's ever going to prosecute you take you to court whatever if you're helping out someone who's been in an accident as long as you're not the guy involved in the accident again, you'll find out if you live down here long enough then you talk to long-term expats. They'll tell you the same thing. People don't jump to action because they're used to seeing that they're kind of numb to it and as far as six cops standing around and no one reacting that's sort of extreme and probably an outlying case. I've never seen that before the cops generally act as cops should in emergencies like that. They might not walk at the fastest pace, but they respond in their own manana time way. The problem is though and this is a big problem if you happen to be the car the motorcycle

[10:55] hit or you're the one who plowed into the motorcycle even when you've been doing everything right and he's 100% in the wrong the cops will try to take your car and impound it. That's why you should always call your insurance company immediately. The insurance adjuster will show up in a little van with the insurance logo on it. The adjuster will have a powwow with you alone and then with the cops. He'll do everything in his power to try to get you off the hook and get your car back right then and there. But know that your car will be impounded if the motorcycle is ends up in the hospital or the morgue then you're going to lose your car for an unspecified period of time till it all gets cleared up. They could have it a day a week a month and believe me if your cars impounded in a police lockup when you get it back, I guarantee it's not going to be in the same condition as it was when they first

[11:41] got it. It's not unusual to find your cars missing a battery radio spare tire jack that says an awful lot about the system down here doesn't it? By the way, a Latin lawyer once told me if the cops are going to impound your car for whatever reason, when you sign up on the paperwork for them to receive it, ask to see the guy in charge. Now you're going to have to know some Spanish because especially when you're off the tourist trail, the cops especially don't speak English. Anyway, you tell the cop in charge of the lockup, you'll give him 50 or 100 bucks if and only if your car is in perfect condition when you get it back. You make that offer and chances are you will get it back in perfect condition. However, if you just hand it over to him, keep your fingers crossed because all bets are off. By the way, that's why you need a good Latin lawyer. You know, personally have

[12:26] his phone number and he's your friend. If you're in an accident, he'll be the second phone call you need to make. Get him on the phone and hand that phone over to the cop in charge and let the lawyer handle it. Meanwhile, as every Latin lawyer will tell you, never admit your guilt. And finally, there's that dirty little secret about what you should and shouldn't do if you get in an accident with a motorcycle. Like I said, nearly 100% of the time it will be the motorcyclist's fault. Now, you might be sitting up there in New Jersey, Cleveland, or Milwaukee right now thinking, how's that possible? Nearly all the time it's the motorcyclist's fault. Well, let me tell you, once you've had a couple of years of boots on the ground here, you won't be thinking that's hyperbole. Anyway, the dirty little secret is this. Your lawyer, in confidence, will tell you most confidentially, if you hit a motorcyclist or he hits you, keep going. Get the

[13:13] hell out of there in a hurry and don't look back. Whether you stop and stay there and wait for the troops to arrive, or later on get picked up for hit and run, the results won't be much different. Oh, and Latin lawyers will tell you there's a very, very slim chance that you'd ever get picked up on a hit and run. You almost never see, read, or hear about that. I've been down here a long, long time and I've never heard of a single case of anyone getting picked up for a hit and run. Hey, I'm not recommending you do anything illegal here. I'm just telling you what really happens, what really goes on behind the scenes here in Latin America. So what's your call? You can live by the gringle laws, norms, and standards that have been drilled into you after living so many years up in the States, or do things the infinitely flexible Latino way. It's a hundred percent your call. And you know that infinite flexibility and occasional necessary bribes involved when

[14:00] you're dealing with the Latin legal system. Well, there's always a certain number of newbie expats who can't deal with it. They feel bad about it and find it distasteful, especially if a newbie is a rigid inflexible type. Then it will always bother you. You'll never get over it. There's always a certain number of gringos and expats who come down, who just can't handle it along with manana time and other things. They throw into towel and head back to the States. Of course, that means jumping right back into the frying pan. Hey, look, we're talking about moving to the third world here. What do you think they call it the third world for? You've got manana time, no regard for maintenance or details, hygiene problems with the street food, terrible bathrooms, things that would never pass muster up in the first world. But during the honeymoon phase, people say it's quaint and tend to ignore all that. Thing is, you're in control. Once you get

[14:45] settled in with your house or apartment, you can turn your own personal living space into a really nice first world enclave. Or not. Or you could somehow go halfway bridge the gap between Latin style living and first world gringo living. That seems to work out the best, but you have to remain flexible. Don't sweat the small stuff because in your own environment, you can fix that. If not, Latin living in Latin culture just might drive you nuts. Speaking of Latin living in Latin culture, I promised this would get really easy on PC. Listen to this email. Hey, and remember, don't kill the messenger on this one. Okay. This just came in from Sammy G and he entitles it. How wrong can a guy be? He starts by saying, Johnny, the straw that broke the camel's back has arrived. The IRS flagged me for a home office audit. They spent three days going

[15:31] over my business expenses. And after all that told me out him 285 bucks. They waited six months to send me to build to which they added $17 and 45 cents in interest. I fought the interest and the payment and actually one. I hope the IRS had fun wasting everybody's time and money. I can't tell you how many hours and how much family stress was experienced in this process. Now I know why they go after the little guy because when we get that audit notice, we are scared shitless and 99% of the time we just pay up and cave in and hope they don't come back at you next year. But not me. I figured, hell, it was only 285 bucks in dispute. So even if I lost it was no big deal. Never thinking I'd get on an IRS list or anything. I should have thought of that. Anyway,

[16:17] I wanted to make sure the IRS stuff shirts worked hard for the money. Imagine what the real cost was to the taxpayers. Two IRS guys, three whole days, transportation, food and other expenses, etc. The nearest IRS office was three hours away. So they had to stay overnight in a hotel. Total cost to the hapless taxpayer, a couple of grand at least. All that in the crapper. Just to reclaim 285 bucks, which they never got. It is truly a fatally broken system. Then he says now a confession. It's funny. I used to listen to your shows with a superior but naive perspective with my lefty views and the skeptical eyes. Don't judge me for this, Johnny, but I only tuned into your show for the laughs and what I thought were far out and

[17:03] slightly paranoid ideas about your worldview and doomsday predictions. I first heard your show a few years back because you came on right after Gary Noll's natural health program. At first I listened to your show infrequently in batches, but then I started listening to every show you put out religiously because I'd recently accumulated some unasked for, you might say unwanted skin in the Latin American game by proxy. And what does that mean exactly? You see my daughter, a freshly minted ophthalmologist, married a second generation, US born Salvadorian guy. He was an X-ray tech at the hospital where she did her residency. When I first found out I wasn't down with it. She's a grown lady and I'm not

[17:48] in the habit of trying to put a quash on a person's romantic aspirations. But you see, he's a solid Catholic and my family, mostly non-practicing Jews. That, needless to say, complicates things. I'm a little embarrassed to say it now, but at the time I was not totally for the match for even more reasons. I could see that having half Latino grandkids would be a little too much of a culture clash for my side of the family. I felt if that were to happen, historically, kids like that would suffer things like odd looks at school, bullying, etc. Just a tougher life. I know the world's more accepting about those kind of things now, but what parent and grandparent wants that? So a few years back when this all happened, those sorts of things crossed my mind. Especially having

[18:33] been raised myself in a white bread neighborhood and not actually meeting a Hispanic person who wasn't a lawn care guy until I was a teenager in high school. And my wealthier brother, who's an occasional embarrassment himself, started needling me on the side. He'd often joke when no one else was within earshot, how's the beaner, to get a reaction out of me. But you know what? I say, come on. As luck and fate would have it, my son-in-law, Carlos Charlie, is a great guy. I trust him more than my brother any day. I found out Carlos Charlie would give you this shirt off his back and he's no dummy either. And far from an embarrassment like my brother can be. So along came the wedding, a slightly tense

[19:19] event. As you might imagine, I met my son-in-law's extended family and they are culturally much different than my country club crowd, but just fine people. So me, the old fart, has come around now. Needless to say, Johnny, your views in your shows used to make me so mad. I used to say to myself, why does this guy promote leaving the good old USA when everyone else in the world is literally dying to get in? It didn't make sense. It's taken a few years, but now I completely agree with you. Well, almost. Like you and Gohmer Pyle would say, surprise, surprise. So sad to see what our country, our elected officials, the military, banksters, corporate giant, and big tech have morphed into. And to think, big tech was supposed to create a

[20:04] new and better, more connected world. Instead, it makes it infinitely easier for governments to spy on us, collect more taxes and manipulate and use us. Like with COVID and the forced vaccine passports. There are no breaks on the system anymore. No sane people in charge. We will continue down this path until the whole system crashes down, I'm afraid. And I don't want to be there when it happens. Who would have thought we, my daughter and son-in-law, that is, would be having serious discussions about getting out of that. Especially my son-in-law, whose family, his parents, abandoned their own home country and suffered. Tech get here in the early 80s. It sounds crazy. The guy wants to go back to our country. His parents took great risks to escape from how fast the world can shift

[20:50] into reverse. Meanwhile, we've all had the taste of the good life here. But now we're losing our grip. It's slipping away. Talk about luck of the draw, Johnny. My son-in-law, Charlie, has family in El Salvador. Is it coincidence, fate, or dumb luck that it's near Bitcoin Beach? I hear you say you'll be taking your next seminar there. Count me in. Put me on your seminar list. I plan on bringing my son- in-law and daughter to, staying a week or two longer to buy some land. That's the plan. Got to get at least one boot on the ground before the next shoe drops. I, for one, don't want to be caught in the general panic when ATMs cease to function, when power goes out, or when you dial 911, you get nothing but a busy signal. I keep thinking, how strange is life, Johnny? A few

[21:37] years ago, I was in some minor conflict about my daughter's choice in husbands. I hoped it would pass. It even crossed my mind that he may be using her with her doctor status, etc., to gain social status or money. Moving on up. Whatever. My brother and a few family members also suggested that. That heard a bit, but boy, were we mistaken. And now, as it turns out, not only is he a great guy, but with all his family connections, he's a perfect person to help the family, the small group of us who aren't woke, with a nice plan B sort of soft landing in El Salvador. And yes, his Spanish is perfect. So, in this case, I'm asking, who's using who? Oh, the ironies of life. Anyway, keep it real, Johnny. Signed, Sammy G. Not

[22:22] my real name. In Evanston, Illinois. Well, thanks for that, Sammy. Not your real name. You're from Evanston, Illinois. I know it well. It's really close to Chicago. And don't worry. I'll put you on the seminar list. I've got your email, but eventually, you know, I'm going to need your real name. All right. Now, time for another on PC email. This is from Mr. White. Also, not his real name. He says, Johnny, about white male privilege in Latin America. Hmm. Mr. White. I get it. He says, I'm an expat of 12 years living in Panama City, Panama. And I own an expat boutique restaurant since slamming white male privilege seems to be the fashion. I have to admit here in Panama. Yes, it's solidly in your face. Just like as you've

[23:08] mentioned, Johnny, there's overwhelming evidence. Look at the photos of any Latin American Congress that's in session. You'll see mostly lily white faces. Look at the poor farm laborers in the fields and you'll see just the opposite. All dark faces. That goes for construction workers and formal street vendors and children attending those free, crappy public schools. Practically all with dark faces. Being down here in Panama, as long as I have, I know middle and upper class Latinos who consciously look to marry ladies who are light skinned so they can lighten up the gene pool. Though poor people don't have that option. They don't have the money resources or social position to make that happen. So the poor remain dark skinned. White male privilege exists in Latin America, as does female white Latina

[23:54] privilege. It's just as potent or even more so. Given that ugly and even plain and obese light skinned Latinas are in great demand to lighten up the family gene pool. All that might sound a bit cock-eyed and ridiculous, but white privilege in Latin America, be it Latino or Latina, is nothing compared to the gringo advantage. I do like that you coined that term, Johnny, and I agree. You automatically get two points added to your 1 to 10 score as a gringo or gringo in Latin America. I heard you say Johnny on a show you consider yourself a five, maybe a six on a good day in the States. That makes you a seven or an eight in Latin America. That's where I sit on the scale too. Though I haven't heard you mention the thing that trumps all how Americans get an extra point and a

[24:39] golden star. That is having blue, gray, or green eyes, which has rocketed me a five or a six in my home state of Virginia, along with the gringo advantage to about a nine. Just a word about black American expats. They lose out on the blue-eyed bonus points. They don't get that extra point for clear eyes, but they do get that two points that gringo advantage all of us Americans get nevertheless. Another point you haven't brought up on the subject, Johnny, is that there's also extra points for being a pretty girl. So American women in Latin America have that gringo advantage too. They get two points upon arrival. But in addition, if an American lady is blonde natural or not, she gets another point and being pretty yet another. So unlike with American

[25:26] men for gringo ladies, there is no glass ceiling with the point system. If an American lady's got it all, the clear eyes, the blonde hair, the points will be in the stratosphere. She'll be an 11 plus. Like in the spinal tap movie, all the amplifier volume controls went to 11. So Johnny, to summarize, white privilege absolutely exists in Latin America, as does the gringo and gringo advantage, which absolutely trumps Latino, Latino white privilege. There's no way to change it or legislate a change. Chuck it up to the fact that life ain't fair and that's the way it is. You can argue and debate the unfairness of it till the cows come home. My advice? Don't fight it. Don't overanalyze it and don't look a gift horse in the mouth. Sign Danny Powers going on

[26:12] 12 years as an expat in Panama City, Panama. Alright, Danny, I'd just like to add one more thing. Another one of those conundrums that needs explaining. You did not have to have blond hair for Latinas and Latinos to refer to you as Rubia or Rubio. Translation blondie. Even if you've got dark brown hair, they'll call you blondie. It hardly makes sense because back in Cleveland, you were just one of the millions of average guys with dark brown hair. But since down here, 95 to 99% of the population has very dark, even jet black hair. Even a slight deviation from that somehow put you in the blonde column. In fact, when I first got down to Latin America, I used to hear people on the street who didn't know me at all shout out or say the word Rubia. I had no idea they were talking to me or trying to get my attention because I have

[26:57] plain old brown hair. Hey, I know only in Latin America, right?