#1025 – The Expat Files: Bolivia, Culture, and Communication

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came up to play and now as I wonder Hello there all you ex-pat wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started All right. Let's hit a few emails first. Here's one stuck in the spam box for a mother So yeah stuck in the spam box used to be the big excuse if you didn't get back to someone right and remember when cell Coverage was bad and your signal would go in and out and thus you were able to use that excuse if you wanted to cut

[00:49] Off a conversation. Oops or not answer someone. Hey, I can't hear you. You're dropping out Well, you can't use those excuses anymore cuz technology is pretty solid even here in Latin America Cell phones rarely drop out unless you're way way out in the ponies That said let me use this lame excuse once again got stuck in the spam box. It really did This comes from mr. Enver won't tell you his last name, but it's a Spanish one. He says hey, Johnny My name's Enver. I'm looking into visiting Bolivia and exploring the idea of moving there with my family How do you see the process of acquiring visa or permanent residency there? Thanks, man signed Enver Well, there's a name I never heard before but obviously it's Spanish speaking of unusual names

[01:34] You think the people of color up in the States especially in the hood would have the concession on oddball Eccentric or just plain different names. Well, if you study the situation, they've got nothing on Latin Americans Especially when it comes to nicknames now, you know here in Latin America one of the most common terms of endearment is To call someone fatty. That's Gordo for men and Gorda for women fatty You know double art and of course no skinny person has ever tagged with a name like that It's always some chubby kid who grows up to be quite fat And you know that in itself says a lot about Latin America just the all-round tolerance people have for things Someone you call fatty down here is not an insult It's not any kind of slap in the face or demeaning put down But if you tried that up in the States Well, the fat shamers would be all over your ass

[02:22] She'd get canceled and you'd probably end up having to go to some kind of sensitivity counseling man Am I glad I'm living here in Latin America? Alright, so yeah think I'm digressing, right? Well in the famous words of John Paul Jones not the Zeppelin guy I have not yet begun to digress or something like that. Anyway, just the other day I was in an uber and you know how those uber guys have their phone mounted on a suction cup device to the windshield Well, I take that back They probably don't do that up in the States because it's illegal to put anything on your windshield and they'll find you 200 bucks But down here when it comes to windshields anything goes you can put all kinds of stencils stick guns religious symbols And man are Latinos big on religious symbols You know every chicken bus has a life-sized religious something or other stenciled on it buses are even named after Saints

[03:12] For all the extra points that might infer chicken buses still crash and burn with monotonous regularity So maybe immediately after the crash the driver gets those extra points at the pearly gates now. Where were we? Oh, yeah, talking about stuff stuck to the windshield And of course those little suction cup things that hold your telephone and almost all uber drivers use them You know so they can throw up Google Maps, which I never use anyway I get into this uber and his phone rings and you know how when your phone rings If he or she's in your context the name of the person pops up in big letters on your screen Well in this particular case the guy's name was Pocofeo Pocofeo Actually two words Pocofeo which translates in English to a little ugly or slightly ugly and when the uber driver hung up

[03:58] I said is that his real name a little ugly Pocofeo He said yeah, and gave me a look like so what now imagine if you lived in Seattle Cleveland or Jersey And he ran into a guy named slightly ugly Well first off you know that would never happen because for one thing that guy would probably have a really tough life Probably spending half his time explaining his name to people and the other half fighting off bullies Oh, and of course, I asked the uber driver if he really was a little ugly Pocofeo, you know Then he tapped the phone a few times and brought up the guy's mug and sure enough It was more than slightly ugly guy in the conventional sense anyway And in the photo he was snuggling up to a beautiful Latina and two little kids and I said to the uber driver Yeah, well, he's ugly. All right, but he must have something going for him

[04:44] He's got a beautiful wife way out of his league and the uber driver just laughed and he said yeah He does have something it's called money Yep, that's right. It's the universal law of attraction guys are attracted to youth and beauty women to guys who are good providers Though the uglier the guy the better a provider he necessarily has to be So guys remember that when you're shooting for girls out of your league But also don't ever forget that down here in latin america both gringos and gringos can add two extra points to their score So when you get down here If you happen to be in the mating and dating game You'll have to reconsider your standards as to who is actually in or out of your league So is that NPC enough to start off the show today? So anyway, our buddy anver is asking about bolivia

[05:30] You know, I don't talk about bolivia much because I don't much Recommend it for gringos and expats not that it isn't a cool place to live work play and or visit It's just that it's so laid back and so behind that every gringo and expat I know that lives there is pretty much a dedicated Environmentalist tree hugger type who don't mind living in a sleepy little country where 50 of the population is so poor They still have dirt floors Nothing wrong with that. I suppose people are really happy as they are in most all latin countries But if you for example select a city like guatemala city or tigussi galpa humduras San jose costa rica panama city panama. You can get practically everything It's really easy to live like a first world gringo You'll practically never have to send to the us for anything unless of course

[06:18] You want some specialty items and you get them on amazon, but bolivia man, it's stuck way back in time And for me and most all average expats. It's just way too boring not much happening at all But some people absolutely love that in fact, they need it You know ones who've got health problems and want to slow down lower their stress and their blood pressure And if you're a hiker a climber love outdoor sports and you love the great outdoors Bolivia is the place to be of course most other latin american countries fit that description too, but bolivia Well, it's a nature lover's paradise unless of course you live in one of the big cities Which can be pretty scruffy and except for the fact that it's landlocked means it's got no really nice beaches at all It's a place gringos and expats can really get off the radar really get lost In fact, there are very few gringos and expats living there at all

[07:05] Which means you almost necessarily have to speak spanish eventually anyway In fact, it's the one place i've been to where even most of the doctors and lawyers don't speak english yet Now you've heard me say that most professionals throughout latin america who are under 50 years old speak some english It's pretty much a requirement in all professional careers these days because Almost all the latest greatest cutting-edge stuff is coming out of the states in europe in english So for example, if you're a medical doctor You want to know the new treatments and the breakthroughs that are on the horizon You don't want to wait six months or a year until the journals videos and blogs translate everything into spanish Which they eventually will but there is something like a six months to a year translation lag time Not good if you're looking for a cutting-edge treatment and that's why almost all professionals learn english

[07:51] Or at least enough to get by though. Somehow in belivia Even most professionals haven't upped their game in the english speaking department yet So if you're going there to live you're better blown up on spanish And the other thing is if you want first world medical care You're only going to find that in the big cities as soon as you get 10 miles out of a big city It's like going through a time machine suddenly you're 50 years in the past So the truth is finding first world style health care in belivia can be a problem Sure They've got the national health care system like all latin countries do But you know how that goes governments can't do anything Right and though they'll pump money in right before election time after the votes are counted. It's back to severe neglect again In fact people living out in the boonies and people in really small communities often die seeking medical help on that long chicken bus ride or back of the pickup truck ride

[08:40] to the big city Seeking more modern up-to-date medical care. Yeah, they've got some big cities All right with a million or more people like santa cruz lapaz kocha bamba in sukre by the way You know ex-president evil morales who has indicted on something like 12 counts of corruption He fled the country, you know before they could prosecute him, you know He's a dyed in the wool socialist best friends with castro and hugo shavas when they were alive and he's good friends with maduro venezuela's dictator But you know the indigenous population of bolivia just loved the guy because for one thing before he took office Less than half of the population were vaccinated and by the time he left office. Everyone was vaccinated. Isn't that nice? Thank you bill gates and get this talk about how statistics can be manipulated according to the world health organization

[09:28] You can look this up. They say in 2019 the bolivian government created a universal health care system Just talked about that which has been cited by the world health organization As the model for health care systems around the world. That was 2019 just two years ago Only problem is now in 2021. The system is completely bankrupt And the national health care system anywhere outside the big city has gone medieval again Isn't it funny how the who you know, dr falsies domain has somehow neglected to update their stats Still pointing out on their website the bolivian government's universal health care system is a model for the world Only thing is that doctors nurses etc haven't been paid for months nor the medical equipment techs and maintenance guys Hmm by the way, if you're gonna live there, you're gonna have to get a yellow fever vaccination

[10:18] Oh and just one more thing about evil morales. Well bolivia elected a new president He's from morales socialist party and the first thing he did when he got into office. He pardoned morales So the courts had to drop all the charges and now he's back in bolivia again Talk about socialism run rampant in the third world and here's a shock Did you know that all workers in bolivia are subject to an income tax rate of 25 percent monthly? Which is deducted from their wages So everyone working on the books gets nailed for 25 percent taxes on top of that Everyone pays 13 percent vat on anything you buy that means anyone working on the books in bolivia is paying At least 38 percent taxes right off the bat, which is why it's claimed that half of the workers in bolivia are off the books

[11:06] In other words, they're working on a little tiendas around the street taking cash only Anything to avoid that 25 percent income tax, but as for the cost of living for products produced in bolivia It's very cheap But everything that's imported even when imported from another latin country like brazil in most cases you'll pay double why import taxes But rent and food and everything that's produced in bolivia itself very cheap So if you want to live like the average bolivian who doesn't have a car a dishwasher a washing machine Air conditioning a dry or even hot water. You could do it for 500 bucks a month easy By the way, my bad. I said air conditioning, you know, bolivia's major cities are way up there with some 6 000 to around 14 000 feet that's taller than most of the highest mountains in the united states

[11:53] So you won't need air conditioning But in most cases you'll need a heater or some kind of heating Oh and because some of the cities are so high up there are certain people especially gringo's and expats with health problems And they just can't handle living in that thin air Hey, and who over 50 in the us doesn't have some kind of chronic health problem Anyway, the air is really thin up there and some people Can't hack it and they have to come down to sea level once in a while to regain their usual vigor Though young people and young adults can hack it for sure It doesn't seem to bother young people much though. It does tire you out faster But with the over 50 crowd, it's different or for anybody who's got any kind of allergy or respiratory problem So you can forget about it. If you've got asthma, believe me You don't want to have an asthma attack at 14 000 feet

[12:39] You know some people who know bolivia think it's great. There are no mcdonald's there. It's the only south american country No mcdonald's there were eight at one time, but they went bust Why mostly because bolivians make something like 150 bucks a month And relatively speaking going to mcdonald's was like going to a five-star restaurant. I say good riddance I haven't eaten fast food in years, but not so fast. They've got a chain of hamburger joints called chaise You know like che guevara that murdering psychopath from the castro regime You know when I see someone with a che t-shirt or hat I know they're either just stupid or have a very incomplete education So bottom line bolivia wouldn't be my first choice But then again, I like a little more hustle and bustle than most people or at least quick access to all the comforts

[13:26] That first world people are used to and bolivia is lacking in that respect including internet connectivity and speed Like I said bolivia's lag time is way beyond the lag time of most latin countries Except for of course the even more socialist ones like cuba and venezuela now as far as getting permanent residency in bolivia Well, here's the thing first you have to get a two-year resident visa And you'll have to live in bolivia and stay put for two complete years And in that two-year period you can only leave for 90 days one day more You don't qualify so plan on being there for two years with only 90 days permitted outside the country That's what you have to do to qualify for permanent residency By the way, bolivia has a bunch of what they call special purpose visas Specific kind of visas for foreigners depending if they want to live work do volunteer work or do business on the books or retire

[14:18] In bolivia. Oh, and by the way when you apply for one of these visas You have to write a letter of introduction in spanish Of course explaining your specific purpose for wanting to seek residency in bolivia You have to explain why you're choosing to move to bolivia and how you plan to make your living or provide for yourself And family and you'll have to supply six months of bank statements The kicker is it's one of those strange countries where they don't have a set amount of money you have to make each month Unlike mexico panama guadamala el solvador and the rest of them who depending on the country Have established a lower monthly income required to be able to apply for permanent residency And that varies between a thousand and two thousand bucks a month depending on the country However, bolivia doesn't have a lower limit. That means it's always up in the air

[15:06] It's always a question mark whether they're going to accept or reject you based on your income or savings Oh, and I mentioned bolivia has a lot of what they call special purpose visas For example, they've got one that allows you 180 days in the country to work There is a visa plan that allows you to stay in the country if you've got family ties there They've got a visa just for visiting health care workers. There's one that allows for volunteer work in bolivia There's one for students, etc, etc In other words getting permanent residency in bolivia is not an easy process Nor is it straightforward now as far as the gringos and expats I know who are living in bolivia right now Not one of them has jumped through all the hoops to get permanent residency yet With about half of them saying eventually they're going to do it and the other half saying forget about it It's just too big a hassle. So anyway anver thanks for your email

[15:54] I finally got to talk about bolivia if you want a full breakdown in all the links on how to get one of those Residency just send me an email the expat files at gmail.com and i'll send you all the pertinent links All right moving on here's something you should know about especially if your plan being involves living here in latin america As far as most professions skilled or otherwise If you need someone to do some work for you around the house and your spanish sucks So you don't know exactly how to find a person to do that kind of work Let's say you need a plumber and you will a guy who does that kind of work in spanish is called a plumbero It's just the word plumber with an arrow ero added to it In fact, there are dozens and dozens of skilled and unskilled trades that are named exactly that way

[16:40] For example, a truck is a chameon and a truck driver is a chameon arrow Again with the ero at the end of the word and firemen. Well, they use a pump right a pump is a bomba Yeah in spanish, it signifies a bomb too. But anyway, a bomba is a pump. Those firemen are called bomberos direct translation pumper and a guy who paints for a living paint is pinta and a painter is a Pintero again with the ero at the end of the word and talk about lost in translation You heard me on a show a long time ago talk about drywallers here in latin america And I always say try to avoid it if you can because drywall sucks up water and humidity like a sponge And even 10 or 15 years ago, you would never see drywall here in latin america But now it's everywhere because it's cheap and dirty to do, you know

[17:26] Now, you know the generic name for drywall from the american gypsum company is called sheet rock, correct sheet rock Well for some reason when drywall first arrived in latin america 10 or 15 years ago It was all imported from one supplier the american gypsum company on every sheet had stenciled on it sheet rock So like the universal word kleenix for tissue drywallers here in latin america are called sheet rock arrows I'm, not kidding sheet rock arrows. There's that ero thing on the end of the word again Now, of course, there are some skilled and non-skilled professions that don't follow that ero rule Because some words don't combine well with that ending like for example an electrician in spanish. They're not called an Electricero that just doesn't roll off the tongue very easily. Instead. They're called

[18:13] electricistas an ista ending there's lots of those however Most of the skilled and unskilled professions end with the ero for example a carpenter a carpentero In spanish, which by the way is also the spanish name for woodpecker. Yep. They've got redheaded woodpeckers here I had a family of them living next to my place for a long time Did you ever wonder why woodpeckers don't get brain damage or maybe they do? I mean look if you repeatedly hit your head against a hard object What do you expect all you'd be fit for would be running for congress? So then why don't woodpeckers get brain damage if you look at their skeleton You'll see their beak isn't attached directly to the front of their skull It's attached to the back of the skull with a very thin curved bony shock absorber. That's on each side of his head I guess you have to see a picture of it. Just take my word for the fact

[19:01] They've got two shock absorbers on either side of their beak. So did I digress enough for you there? Meanwhile, there are mega caravans of poor uneducated latinos moving on up through central america to mexico figuring rightly I think they've got a free pass from biden because they'll all vote democratic eventually Funny thing is i've seen them and they all have nicer smartphones than I have Hmm. So are you guys up there in biden land? You got what you're asked for you happy now? But you know, it's a well-known fact here in latin america that those groups are laced with criminal And gang members. So as far as expats gringo is gonna be some wannabes are concerned. That's a good thing We don't want them down here Obviously here in latin america. It's slim pickings for criminals

[19:48] I mean look when the average latin american makes three to four hundred bucks a month What's there to really steal or extort from a guy like that, huh? Since everyone knows americans are rich It's the land of milk and honey a bad guy would have to steal from a dozen locals To equal the kind of bonanza he could get from robbing just one clueless gringo in jersey, seattle or cleveland Is that too un-pc for you? Well, you could see for yourself if you learn a little spanish and come on down And when you get invited to a couple of cookouts or birthday parties and have a seat next to the guy with the most neck Tattoos he'll be glad to fill you in. In fact over the years i've talked to many guys like that guys who've been Deported two three even four times guys like that will tell you all about caravans and coyotes They'll tell you the real story too

[20:33] Not the fake whiny save the world news you get from the lame stream media Just saying all right and then comes this email from mr. R He says johnny i just listened to your show in which you talked about driving Recommendations as if you're coming down from the states through mexico to the rest of central america Please send me those boots on the ground driving stories that you have then he says do you think it would be helpful? For example if you were driving from the states to guadamala To get a set of guadamalan plates to put on your car for the drive through mexico I suppose even if they are fake They'd make you less of a mark than if you had texas plates Then perhaps you could remove those plates before you cross the border from mexico into guadamala And then replace them with the real plates for the vehicle as for me He says i hope there is some warning before the so-called vaccine passports are put into effect. Thanks. Johnny signed mr

[21:24] R all right. Thanks for that mr R but before we get into it once again for any of you brave souls interested in driving down from the states to Any or all points in mexico or central america? I've got a page full of tips and some boots on the ground stories of people who've done it successfully Just shoot me an email the expat files at gmail.com. By the way I think most of you know you can't drive to south america You can drive all the way through mexico and central america to the tip of panama But the pan-american highway stops there you can't get through to columbia Which is immediately south by car because of that huge swamp called the darian swamp and no one's built a road through it yet So if you do end up getting your car to panama, you can get it to south america, but it'll be by boat from there Anyway to answer mr R's questions number one when you're driving through mexico if you don't have mexican plates

[22:13] The cops will single you out more than the next guy. So having guadamalan hondur and whatever central american plates won't help You'll still be a target because they know you're not a local you're not connected You don't have a network and you don't know the ropes though It would be easy to get some real guadamalan or hondur and plates whatever they'll match another car Not yours and if you get stopped and caught for that it won't match your car's paperwork and then you'll be doing some jail time I'm sure in mexico Not a very pleasant prospect and as far as when the so-called vaccine passports go into effect, man I don't know. There's so much chaos out there and fake news with people collapsing going to hospital and even dying Once they've been pricked talk about the cure being worse than the disease by the way, that word prick is a universal term used for needles and politicians, but you knew that already and then in reference to

[23:04] What we've been talking about in the last few shows anonymity and getting the hell off of google fake book. What's up, etc The following email comes from one of our famous daves dave to the nth power He says good evening, johnny after listening and applying most of your great technical hacks. I was shocked to learn of your limited anonymity knowledge Signal app has been around for many years. I personally have used it exclusively for the last five years This app has the ability to not only text but also make encrypted phone calls and videos from anywhere in the world As long as you have an internet connection. It's similar to what's up I used it while I was in panaman 2019. No problem It does it all like what's up, but without big tech monitoring everything we say and do etc Then he says one of the lesser known functions of the signal app is its ability to strip all metadata from your photos and videos

[23:54] Rendering those untraceable as to location date and time too As for the signal app, it's free It's the odd case where you don't get what you pay for you get all that privacy and anonymity for free So then you might ask if they're into anonymity. They don't sell or keep your data. How do they make money? How do they keep going? Well, it turns out in 2018 brian actin the billionaire. What's up? Co-founder got so pissed off at facebook suck a turd who bought what's up from him He funneled 50 million of his own money into the signal foundation to finance the signal app and keep it going So there's a young billionaire super privacy advocate who invented what's up Then after making his billions selling what's up to suck a turd

[24:39] He saw how they collected and sold everyone's data So he decided on funding signal by the way, if you have any doubts about the signal app Just remember edward snowden himself endorses signal. He says he uses it every single day Remember he's a wanted man wanted by every first world Alphabet agency there is hey if it's good enough for eddie snowden Think about that for a minute All right, then dave to the nth power says johnny. Here are three internet guys. You might want to check out They're all fantastic at internet privacy First one's bracks b-r-a-x.m-e. The next one's the hated one And the last one tech lore t-e-c-h-l-o-r-e Then dave to the nth says johnny anything we can do to stick it to big tech And big pharma's ass is a step in the right direction

[25:25] Don't you think signed your biggest fan dave to the nth power? Not to be confused with a guy who writes to me occasionally named dave david. He'd be dave squared Not dave to the nth. All right, dave You know I have to mention that once you or anyone lands in latin america permanently And you really get serious about privacy and anonymity That means when you sign up for utilities or buy sim chips for cell phones You're buying them in the name of a corporation or your cleaning lady or a false or abbreviated name And as mentioned in a previous show Text messages files and data coming out of latin america are of little or no interest to first world marketers or data collection agencies Why because latin americans are just not worth much at all to first world marketers So when you're living here in latin america, you got that going for you right away

[26:14] And as far as dumping google I must have 50 or even a hundred thousand emails i've gotten on gmail over the years There's just no way to get the majority of listeners to switch over to something like proton mail Why because the thousand and twenty something shows i've got out there on the internet in podcast form All have me mentioning the gmail address So even if I tried to switch over to proton mail manana Everyone who's listening to old shows are just starting to listen and decide to go into the show's archives They'll send their messages to gmail But not to worry I do actually have an encrypted proton and start mail account which I use for sensitive and private stuff So you can still absolutely hate google and gmail and still use them begrudgingly Just like people might hate their electric power supplier or gas and water utility company

[27:04] They might complain even hate them, but they still use them That's not to say that there won't come a day when someone develops an easy way to transfer All your gmail messages and files to an anonymous privacy-based service like proton or start mail But until that day comes most people including me are stuck with gmail at least for the mundane stuff It's just too bad that start mail proton mail telegraph and signal app weren't around 10 or 12 years ago But thank buddha they exist today You've been listening to the expat files living in latin america If you need some help with your own plan b we can schedule a one-on-one phone or skype consult Just send me an email the expat files at gmail.com And if you want to get on the waiting list for my next week-long expat insider seminar in central america

[27:50] Where you're guaranteed to get a two to five year head start on your plan b send me an email the expat files at gmail.com nos famos