#997 – The Expat Files: Life in Latin America, Language Challenges, and Financial Planning

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came out to play and now I wonder Hello there all you ex-pat wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started All right. Let's start out again with some interesting emails. This is from Sanders in Montreal. All right, Canadians Hey there. He says Johnny. Will you ever go back to the US? I understand you haven't been back for around 30 years

[00:46] I'm 40 something now and as a kid growing up, I always look forward to someday Possibly living and working in the US, but I've given up on that My plan be now is to go to Latin America and once I get there I don't think I'll ever want to come back to Canada either But how about you Johnny? Do you ever have the desire to go back to the states? Just wondering I signed Sanders Well Sanders asked for me the last time I was back in the states specifically in Chicago by way of Miami Was get this in 1999 and I only went back for two weeks I had to pick up some musical equipment and make some connections So I haven't been back to the states since a couple years before 9-11 How about that? So I don't even know what it's like to get felt up by TSA at the airport

[01:32] As far as ever wanting to go back again. Nope. I have no desire Why would I when I'm living in my own little version of paradise? And you know people ask me all the time. Give me a reason why you don't want to go back Johnny Well, I've got a new reason every single day of the week in today's reason I just don't want to go back to a place where everyone under 30 is just sitting around waiting to be offended so they can lash Out on social media and feel that warm glow of moral superiority Nope, I don't want anything to do with people like that. That's why I'm not on any social media I've got no Facebook Twitter Instagram none of it. You could say except for the show I'm kind of a non-entity in the world and I'm just fine with that though I do have what's up. You have to have that down here in Latin America. You just can't survive You can't get a plumber without having what's up the lawyers the banks the utility companies

[02:21] They all use what's up. And of course my favorite buy and sell site. Oh well x.com That's the Latin American version of Craigslist. Everybody. I mean everyone has what's up That's how you communicate with the buyers and sellers. If you don't have what's up You'll never get through to anyone on all x.com But I don't use what's up as a social platform I use it to be alerted to meetings and get-togethers and buying and selling stuff, etc And sometimes when I do my one-on-one phone consults, I've been doing a lot of those lately Sometimes we'll use what's up, but it's not my preferred method, you know I've been getting so many calls for consults lately. Believe me like never before There's just a ton of people who want to get the hell out of dodge And of course, they always have a million questions and so I'm always available on weekend mornings

[03:07] Anyway to do those consoles and there are generally three ways we can do that Number one Skype, which I personally hate because you're always getting stamped tagged and recorded After all Microsoft owns Skype though A lot of people do like the Skype option these days because they've got a new built-in feature that lets you record The whole conversation and download it in mp3 form So you've got all the questions and answers on record even so I don't like Skype to me when you're doing a consult or Talking to anyone that's the only advantage of using Skype the recording option And for people like me who really don't like Skype. There are other options There's your regular cell phone, but that's being tapped and tagged and monitored all day long, too Then there's WhatsApp. Well, I've got a lot of phone consults on WhatsApp

[03:56] Which is a lot more secure because it's end-to-end Encrypted that just means it's harder for outsiders to grab your data It still exists out there in the cloud and whatsapp's owned by Google So, you know where that goes besides the fact you're just a product and you know, they're selling your data, too But you know there is a way to throw a wrench into the Google system when you sign up for whatsapp They'll ask for a Gmail address. Just don't give them your usual Gmail address Create a brand new one with false data use an alias and never use it for anything else Except you know when you're at a site and in order to get in or get a special report or to see a video Or get a download or something They ask you for a valid email address. Just give them that Gmail address with the fake alias Now my personal favorite way to do a consult is with a special little end-to-end

[04:46] Encrypted program that Bitcoin Dan wrote. Yep Bitcoin Dan was so disgusted with Skype and all the other methods He wrote his own encrypted Skype like program that absolutely cannot be cracked or listened in on So I do a lot of phone consults using that app That means when people want a totally encrypted secure one-on-one call I just give people the link to Dan's program and they download it and we're off to the races even better Dan gives it to people for free So do I then you could pass it around to your friends and relatives and you could have totally encrypted conversations, too Oh, I forgot there's a PS on this email. This is Johnny. Do you believe in heaven? That's a simple one. Hell. Yes Wait a minute. I accentuated the wrong syllables there

[05:32] Hell. Yes. Hell. Yes heaven. I'm not so sure about but hell Yes, don't you just love the way you can play with the English language? You know, I couldn't possibly have played around like that using Spanish. Spanish is just not as flexible That's especially true when you try to translate an English joke into Spanish in English Sometimes it's all about the emphasis you give to a syllable in Spanish Not so the Spanish language, you know has thousands of fewer words than English English really is a richer language And you can prove that to yourself in about five minutes if you speak Spanish by reading Let's say the introduction or the first chapter of a bestseller in English and then picking up that same book Translated into Spanish because you know most all bestsellers these days are translated into Spanish

[06:19] Usually six months or so after the English version comes out funny thing though The Spanish version is always a lot more expensive than the English version, too Which certainly has something to do with the fact that most Latinos never read books sound familiar. By the way What was the name of the last book you read? Hmm? In fact, remember a few shows ago. I told you my favorite book for the whole year So far is called the madness of crowds and I offered you guys an e-book version of it If you just sent me an email the expat files at gmail.com Well, guess what? I had a lot of people take me up on that and a few of my Spanish listeners Yeah, I've got a lot of gringo wanna-be Spanish listeners Go figure out and some of them have asked me if I had that book in the Spanish translated version

[07:05] Unfortunately, I don't but I bought on Amazon The translated Spanish paperback version to give away as a gift to a friend of mine who is bilingual But like me has trouble Reading a book in English like I have trouble reading books in Spanish. Oh, I could do it All right, but it's pure drudgery real work. Same thing goes with movies in Spanish I get what's going on, but I have to really pay attention. So it's not that enjoyable. Oh, and it's a complete disaster When you see a Hollywood movie that's been dubbed in Spanish that I don't enjoy at all Because remember even if your Spanish is perfect The voice is doing the dubbing are not the real American actors voices So for example, you got another guy croaking out Matt Damon's or Mel Gibson's voice in Spanish

[07:53] It just kills the experience for me and you know full disclosure here I am truly a language dunce, but I got my 10,000 hours in so After 30 years in Latin America, I better have a town, huh? Well, actually I don't 100% anyway In fact, I was just telling my girlfriend yesterday, you know whole weeks can go by and I never have a single person-to-person Conversation in English with anyone I communicate with the locals in Spanish 24-7, of course every day I'm on the phone or emails whatever with a few of my English speaking buddies and friends But almost never at least in this quarantine lockdown covid it crap Do I have a one-on-one face-to-face with my English speaking gringle friends and family now? I have to confess the first two years here in Latin America. I was in Costa Rica

[08:40] So I had no way of learning English cuz everyone wants to use their English on you It's a tourist based economy And if you speak English you get tips in dollars not the local funny money colonis So basically the first two or two and a half years when I was in Costa Rica I learned almost zero Spanish So I made a decision to get out of Costa Rica But not just because I couldn't learn the language Costa Rica is a disaster You know that story if you've been listened to my shows Even 25 or 30 years ago, the locals had perfected the art of gouging gringos, but you knew that already, right? So after I left Costa Rica some 27 or so years ago since then I've spent about 97% of my time completely off the gringo tourist trail That means I absolutely had to learn some Spanish or look like a pure moron every time

[09:29] I was in a crowd of normal people, but I did it. I dove in the deep end I even took a couple of months of classes with a tutor a few hours every morning sitting in the park With the Spanish speaker who spoke no English at all to me during that whole time But still it took me about two years Beyond that living and hanging out completely off the gringo tourist trail before I started to Understand what people were saying when they were talking to each other not me because you know when Latinos speak to you in Spanish Of course, they know you're a gringo. So generally they try to pronounce their words nicely And don't use very many multi syllabic words that helps though as you probably know if you've ever been down here They always speak way too fast That is till you get used to the fact that's the way they talk by the way

[10:14] That's a Spanish speakers number one complaint about us English speakers when they're trying to learn English They take a crack at having a conversation with someone like you or I at first. They'll always say slow down You're talking way too fast They must see I don't wrap it. Oh gringo despacio despacio Now about me being a language dunce I say that because it took me five whole years of being down here in Latin America With the last two and a half years completely off the gringo tourist trail before I actually got the hang of speaking with the locals And understanding most of what they'd say. So here I am 30 years later analyzing my own Spanish skills right now I'm only about 80 or 90 percent fluent in conversational Spanish Meaning sometimes I have to ask a Spanish speaker to repeat himself. All right, nothing wrong with that, right?

[11:04] But you think after a quarter century Living working playing and hanging out completely off the gringo tourist trail My Spanish skills would be a hundred percent, but they're not and I admit it But really I'm totally okay with being at 80 percent or so. That means I don't miss much I can understand what's happening in Spanish language movies and TV By the way, if you're looking to lose a quick 10 IQ points or so You can do no better than to watch Spanish media and TV So anyway, as far as my Spanish skills after 30 years, I can read blogs newspapers and correspondence in Spanish But here's the thing even after 30 years if I was let's say to write a business letter to a banker in Spanish That person would instantly know I was a gringo because basically I read at a fourth or sixth grade level in Spanish

[11:51] Oh, he'd be able to understand my letter. All right, but remember there's that age-old problem of Spanish language Switching subjects verbs and adjectives around as opposed to how we do it in English in other words about 80 to 90 percent of the time in Spanish a Verb and or an adjective will come before and now for example in English You'd say look at Johnny's car in Spanish You'd say look at the car of Johnny now, of course you understand the meaning of both sentences But we'd never say the car of Johnny That's why it's almost impossible for us English-speaking gringos who picked up what we know as adults to learn how to write completely natural and fluently in Spanish unless We first started taking Spanish lessons as little kids in grade school vice versa for Latinos

[12:39] The only way a Latino can write a perfect letter in English as if they started their English classes as little kids in grade school That's why there are so many jumbled up translations even in official and formal documents For example, you'll go into a bank and you'll see a stack of leaflets on the counter for the insurance plans They're offering and sometimes if there's a decent enough spattering of gringos in the area They'll have those pamphlets translated in English, too And you could almost always tell after a few seconds of reading the thing if the person who did the translation Was a native English speaker or someone who learned their English in high school or university. It's immediately obvious Let me put it this way if I was looking in the classified ad Section of Latin American newspaper and I found a job and they required me to send in a resume if it was a job that

[13:28] Involved a lot of writing or paperwork. I'm sure I wouldn't get the job same thing up in the states for non-native Latinos If a bilingual Latino who wasn't born up in states sent in a resume in English for a clerical job That person wouldn't get the job either though today, of course in the age of covid it's in BLM and SJWs I'm not so sure with all the pressure on companies forcing so-called social justice and quotas Aside from that when Latinos learn English as adults There are always some obvious structural problems in the way sentences and paragraphs are organized and created even though it would be completely Understandable to people in the business world. It would just be Improper use of English. So what I'm trying to say with this drawn-out rant is this even though I've been immersed in Latin America for something

[14:15] Like 30 years now, and I've got lots of experience and qualifications I probably wouldn't even get hired for a bank tellers job so much for thinking the gringo advantage will help you there So all you guys and gals out there who send me emails saying Johnny I've got a couple of years of college or high school Spanish under my belt. I get by pretty well What do you think about me coming down there? Checking out the classified ads sending out a few resumes and applying for a management job There are hundreds of companies advertising and the fact that I'm a gringo and I know Spanish that should be a huge leg up Huh? Well, sorry kids. I hate to tell you that ain't gonna happen You know over the years I've met lots and lots of gringos and expats down here Some of them working for big outfits and corporations, but they never got hired by a native Spanish corporation

[15:00] Sure, there are gringos and expats working for transnationals But they always hooked up with that job while up in the states and were transferred down Even the gringos and expats that work at the US or British or Australian embassies They didn't come down here walk into the embassy and apply for a job They got contracted while still living up in the states and got transferred down So bottom line if you're up in the states and you think you're pretty good with your Spanish cuz you took some classes Or even four years of it in high school or college It's true that'll really help you and getting around down here But it won't help you get a job working for the man the Latino man. That is Speaking of resumes. I'm sure a lot of us have a couple of old ones laying around, you know, not so long ago I was switching over to a new computer and I found an old resume of mine

[15:46] I tell you you should dig an old one out and read through it See what kind of fantasies you made up way back when because you know the resume you send to people and companies It's not your life. Really. It's what you want them to think your life is like your real life resume It's not your university your schools your diplomas It's your traumas and failures and responses to panic and sufferings and challenges and sacrifices That's the stuff that really made you what you are But most of us wouldn't dare to write that stuff down there would be a headhunter's worst nightmare, huh? You know, it is a good exercise pull out your old resume and read through it and I bet looking through it You're gonna say to yourself cuz I did how did I ever get through all those years of school without giving up or cracking up? If I had to relive those days, man, I just couldn't do it. How about you?

[16:33] I guess that's why when there's a threat of a war only clueless macho 18 year old boy men seem to volunteer You don't see 30 or 35 year old guys rushing to the recruiting station. Do you but I digress as usual. Where were we? Oh, yeah, gringo is getting jobs working for the man here in Latin America. Truth be told 95% or more of all gringos and expats making money down here have their own business. They're their own boss now That's not to say there aren't thousands and thousands of college-aged young gringo expats and backpackers Bartending waitressing and working hotel jobs. At least that's how it was before the cold idiot thing That's always been a surefire way to make a few bucks to extend your vacation But those are all really just temporary non permanent cash off the books jobs and pretty much only to be found in gringo

[17:22] Tourist areas and why do you think so many young adult college? Backpacker types end up working those kind of jobs because you see once they get down here. They love it so much They decide to stay a lot longer than they originally planned and through the grapevine They found out they can do it by picking up a cash job as a waiter waitress or bartender And if you think that kind of work pays bad up in the States Well down here you're lucky to make two or three bucks an hour plus tips, of course Oh, and by the way with all this woke stuff going down Why is it no one's complaining about the fact that women always make more tips than men? I don't care what country you live in. It always works out that way. Is that not sexist? Come on not to mention every bar club or restaurant. I've ever been in There's always more women bartenders and women working tables than men. The question is what are you woke?

[18:11] Holes planning to do about that. All right. Now we have an email from Russell in Ohio He says dear Johnny. My assets are diversified. I'm 47 years old My house is paid for I have some Bitcoin Silver some gold and platinum and a few other commodities and metals but of all my assets besides Bitcoin Lead has performed the best for me so far. My stock of 9 millimeter. Lead has gone from 25 cents around to 27 cents around to 90 cents around since the covid BLM riots with No end in sight. So my advice is don't forget to add lead and a few assorted lead delivery Platforms to your portfolio. I like that and Johnny as far as real estate in that career

[18:59] I had a big lucky streak. I used to be a landlord of student housing in Madison, Wisconsin But I foresaw a few years ago that soon enough Universities would be mostly online and that would certainly ruin Drip by drip the idea that student housing near a big campus would stand to test the time I got rid of mine about two years ago And I was so lucky to do so and my friends some of them landlords to are presently licking their wounds They think I was clairvoyant and now with the lockdown and schools being closed My landlord friends are completely screwed in the Madison area alone thousands of units are empty But the maintenance never stops So something has to give you know Johnny one of the secrets of the student housing business niche Was that it used to be once upon a time one of the greatest retirement plans for a person much better than a 401k

[19:50] My father got me started on it because that's what he did He said to me when you get your first job and the paychecks start rolling in by a duplex in a big university town Close to campus live in one side rent the other out and when you build up a little equity Buy one or two more and you'll be all set for your retirement. You won't even need social security Just make sure they're within walking distance of a big university campus And when they're paid off in 10 or 20 years each of those buildings will kick off a few grand a month forever It was a wonderful retirement scheme while it lasted and it did last for almost a hundred years But now everything's upended the plan is shot the Democrats and Trump are talking about a year's rent forbearance a furlough And most of my landlord friends are depressed to the point of breakdown Johnny

[20:39] You were right about a career in the shrink business Sad to say but it really will be one of the few growth industries left. No joke. Thanks. It's Johnny I'm still in my 40s. So I have about five years left before I really kick into my plan B Hope to see you at one of your seminars soon signed Russell Russ are you serious about having a five-year plan? You seem to be a pretty smart and lucky guy, but don't press your luck too far You really think the world is gonna put itself on hold for five years Kind of just treading water and dog paddling along you said yourself to the University real estate markets been destroyed And we're hearing amazingly terrible stories from every sector in the economy Russ It's your call but mark my words in the next few months. There'll be a tsunami of terrible things coming

[21:28] Thing is I've got a stack of emails from people saying just about the same thing. For example, here's one from Rick He says when I was DS Johnny just turned 59 and a half and I have accumulated a pretty good 401k balance My wife and I are strongly considering getting the hell out of Dodge in let's say five to seven years Then he says I'm estimating a fixed monthly lifetime income consisting of Social Security and a 401k of about seven Grand a month just wondering what you consider Johnny the safest destination in Mexico, Central America or the Caribbean Safety is extremely important to us. We're very curious about your opinion on this based on your 30 years in Latin America Thanks in advance. Nos vemos Rick. All right, Rick. Thanks for that But really you say safety is extremely important to you, man

[22:16] Can't you see you're gonna be in tremendous danger sitting up in the United States for the next five to seven years? In fact in five to seven years, I wouldn't give a plug nickel for any kind of US dollar investment, including 401ks Hey, I'm not an investment advisor but I know plenty of very smart ones who are well along on their plan B's and Practically all of them the ones that have a half a brain anyway can see the tidal wave the tsunami coming if you think it's Bad now the real big pieces of shit have not hit the fan yet by no means Unfortunately, the patient's on life support and has terminal cancer Come on If anyone thinks the patient's gonna survive five more years on life support Then you better double up on your own meds And for those of you guys and gals out there who are counting on US dollar

[23:02] Pensions and Social Security to get you through the so-called golden years man All I can say is you've got to get control of your own finances cash gold silver Bitcoin and bank accounts and land in a foreign jurisdiction a Little lead wouldn't hurt either right Russ At least get some boots on the ground get that plan B started. That's your insurance policy Why because we're definitely in uncharted waters now And if you guys and gals are thinking the US is just gonna chug along for another five or ten years and your pension plan Will chug along to obviously you're hooked on mainstream media and fake news Reminds me of the famous words of General Sheraton from the Civil War who said if I owned hell and Texas Inside live in hell and rent out Texas as far as I'm concerned substitute USA for Texas

[23:51] You know I'm starting to find out fence sittings a very popular occupation these days Except the fence can only hold so much wait for so long ask Humpty Dumpty and for all you fence sitters out there Who need a little push remember I got my January 2021 expat insider seminar coming up And it promises to give you a two to five year head start on your plan B along with hooking you up with a great network of professionals and people that can help you out because with any plan B You will have a thousand questions And when you do wouldn't it be a great feeling to know you can ask and hook up with people who've been in those boots Before just go to expat plan B comm for all the info and details and remember you can still get in on the early bird discounts Oh, wait a minute. I didn't answer those questions Rick had that email about the safest destinations in Latin America

[24:38] Well, the fact is Rick if you're making seven thousand dollars a month. You'll be living like the Sheik of Araby You could live in the nicest most secure gated garden community in any big Latin American city or even on the burbs And that's what most gringos and expats do they live in a gated garden community or a residential tower? because you see anyone with any kind of money down here lives in one of the nicer neighborhoods and Better neighborhoods are always safer neighborhoods. You don't want to live middle class here in Latin America That's like white trash up in the States. Wait a minute white trash I guess we got to start calling that rainbow trash now or you'll get a black mark on your social justice score Wait a minute. You can't say black mark either. Can you what that man? I'll tell you it's so nice to be in a place where the people aren't fatally or pathologically sensitive

[25:26] There I go digress and again just can't help it. So then what are the safest places to live in Latin America? Well, just like Chicago, Cleveland, Denver LA and Poughkeepsie It's always my safer if you live in a nice neighborhood and every Latin American city has its crap Medium and very nice neighborhoods and you could come up with statistics at numbers though I have to say as for me and I don't have any kids oftentimes the safer a place is the more Uninteresting and boring it is to for example I know lots of very safe places in Chile and they're dead boring and monotonous on the other hand Take Guatemala City. For example, it's got around 2 million people or so It's got 25 zones or districts and I could tell you exactly what zones and districts are Absolutely safe day and night and the zones that are absolutely safe during the day

[26:15] But sort of iffy at night and the zones I just wouldn't want to walk around in at all Not that they're all that dangerous, especially if you're dressed down It's just that they're scruffy and ugly and no people who've never been there will often say I hear it's very dangerous Well, I'll tell you this and all the 25 zones in Guatemala City You could drive through any one of those zones during the daytime and never feel in danger about anything However, there are lots of neighborhoods in Chicago that I wouldn't drive through day or night. They're that dangerous So what's that tell you? All right, then let's finish up the day by talking about solar a bit the subject lightning arrestors Now that's something people rarely talk about why because when you buy your components the panels the combiner boxes Batteries and charge controllers they come with lightning arrestors and fuses installed

[27:02] But in some countries in areas where there's a lot of lightning that's not enough So here's a tip spend an extra hundred bucks and buy a specific type of lightning arrestor It's a simple little unit with only three wires made by a company called midnight solar And again, I don't get a nickel for telling you this But these little devices have saved many a solar system from severe damage My advice get one of these and they're very easy to install only three wires If you want the link on where and how to get this thing just send me an email the expat files at gmail.com You've been listening to the expat files living in Latin America If you need some help with your own plan B We can schedule a one-on-one phone or Skype consult Just send me an email the expat files at gmail.com And if you want to get on the waiting list for my next week long expat insider seminar in Central America

[27:50] Where you're guaranteed to get a two to five year head start on your plan B Send me an email the expat files at gmail.com Nos vamos