#869 – The Expat Files: Navigating Embassies, Safety, and Security in Latin America

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came out to play and now I wonder Hello there all you ex-pat wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started just three days ago I did something I absolutely hate to do and I rarely do it I went down to one of those multi-million dollar I should say in some cases billion dollar tax payer-funded Security camera infected US embassies sometimes known as US consulates now

[00:49] I didn't go down because I wanted to but it just so happened that one of my gringo friends lost his passport Or maybe it got stolen or maybe it fell overboard while he was deep-sea fishing I don't know anything can happen when you're faced and out on the town or out on the ocean No one he was hanging with that day knows anything about what happened to that passport and he doesn't either So now as any clueless gringo will tell you he's paying for it It'll cost him probably 150 bucks what with the passport fee of over a hundred bucks and the running round the photos, etc Plus all the stress that goes with it because he broke rule number one Never take your original passport with you unless you're crossing borders Getting on an airplane or going to the bank and changing money double whammy He speaks no Spanish, which doesn't make much difference if you're going down to your own English-speaking US Embassy, right?

[01:38] Now I didn't want to go but I owed him a favor He needed me for a moral support in case I had to do some translating along the way So anyway as we got within a couple of blocks of the place you start to see makeshift Parking lot signs everywhere and people mulling around man You could tell this was an embassy because there's a whole kind of scruffy street grunge Society that grows up around these various government institutions, especially US embassies These are people who live or at least survive off the dough They make preying on gringos and locals that are stuck there for hours at a time People need photos paperwork copies. They have to eat lunch find parking spots get their phones charged, etc Etc. And I'll tell you by 8 in the morning near the US embassy There are probably 300 people mulling around and they're not waiting in line. That's just where they hang every day

[02:28] Making dough every which way they can no checks or credit cards, please all cash and man They can't be pushy as soon as you arrive and they see that you're a gringo and there's very few gringos By the way, they'll converge on you like a flock of vultures gringo thinga, come here Amigo, yeah famous last words amigo You know, I learned a long time ago when someone you don't know starts out by saying amigo meaning friend, of course He's usually nothing of the sort for that matter when people you don't know start out by saying gringo That's also a pretty good sign. They're looking to part you from some of your dough Funny thing women will never say that only guys they'll touch you and yank on your arm It's that violation of personal space thing and I hate that even for as many years. I've been in Latin America

[03:16] That's one thing that still bugs me. Of course as for me, I'm talking about when men do it So anyway, when the local sweaty masses spot a gringo, man They're on you like for example as soon as we got out of the car and walked on to the main road Three different ladies ran up to us offering to guard our belongings Because if you remember as mentioned in a previous show, you can't bring any electronic devices into the embassy But there's no place to put them So you're kind of stuck you have to bring someone with you maybe to wait outside and hold the stuff for you or you Could look at the whole thing through an entrepreneur's eyes as a business opportunity because there are no secure official lockups That would be a great business niche for any gringo. So interested. It would be a no-brainer But certainly you'd have to speak some Spanish So anyway, we got onto the street three different ladies offered to guard our telephones and such and of course

[04:07] You're not gonna do that. Who would well, some people must because these ladies are here every day apparently and they're making money So someone is handing over their electronics to them. Would you I doubt it? So we waved them off nicely, but that didn't stop and they follow us another half a block until they finally got the picture now at that point we were about two blocks from the entrance to the embassy and as you get closer the crowds are thickening and That's when if your eyes are open and you look around especially up you start seeing tiny expensive cameras Now in this particular area, there are a couple of little rundown strip malls with hole-in-the-wall restaurants coffee shops photocopy and notary joints ragtag lawyers offices and visa expediters There's everything and anything that has to do with providing the right paperwork copies and photos necessary for your embassy appointment

[04:59] So next we're thinking number one on the list priorities priorities coffee So we spotted out the best and most hygienic looking of the little dumpy coffee shops This one located in a tiny strip mall and I thought to myself This would be a perfect place to put some of those little lockers I was talking about in a previous show a place you could securely put your Electronics phone and stuff for a couple of hours while you're in the embassy I was thinking about a business niche Then I thought why even rent a place why not hook up with one of the owners of a coffee shop? You wouldn't need much space You just run lockers along one wall a lot of dead space in every restaurant here in Latin America and have him or his cashier Run the place that way you wouldn't have to be there at all and you wouldn't have to hire an extra person either now

[05:45] I know you're thinking that's an easy way to get ripped off, right? How are you gonna monitor the rentals and the dough easy? Just install one or two cameras connected to the little cafes Wi-Fi system Yep, even tiny hole-in-the-wall places have internet these days and you'll have a visual record of everyone who's using those things Who's coming and going a camera system like that? No more than 300 bucks if you want to go really cheap really low budget You buy some used gym lockers and you buy padlocks and when you rent one of the units the cashier gives you padlock And a key and maybe a $10 deposit on the lock and when they come back to get their stuff They turn in a lot to get their deposit back Or you could spend a little more money up front and buy some of those nifty lockers They've gotten supermarkets and Ikea where they've got a little touch keypad Anyway, you get the point the business niches are everywhere and yet really need boots on the ground to see things like that

[06:36] I mean look who up in the states would ever think there could be a possibility for that kind of business idea Sounds crazy and you know A lot of these business ideas are like in this case artificially created by maggotists Pusbrain bureaucrats and politicians and the buildings they're housed in like for example in and around 150 or so spectacularly bloated and mostly useless US embassies throughout the world, but you knew that already, right? So anyway, we walk up to the front of the embassy There are two lines one says US citizens the other one says non US citizens and that lines about 100 people deep which doesn't make sense because in order to get into the embassy you have to have an appointment that you've gotten online So why is it then a hundred people deep? Well, that's because Latinos have even less faith in governments than we do

[07:24] They don't trust that even the appointment they made online is a hundred percent certain Meanwhile in the US citizen line no one there at all. By the way, that's how you know, you're in a country That's way off the gringo tourist trail There aren't any gringos except for maybe a few stragglers outside the US embassy So we walked up to the lady behind the bulletproof glass Explain the problem that my friend had lost or had his passport stolen or fell into the drink. Whatever. She said, okay fine But there's two ways to go if it's an emergency, for example, your flight leaves tomorrow We can get you an emergency passport in 24 hours But if you're gonna be in the country for more than two weeks Then we can go the regular route and you'll get the passport in two weeks. Then my gringle friend said What's the difference between getting one in 24 hours or in two weeks? If it's about the money

[08:15] I'll pay the extra to get the fast-track one I don't care and the lady said if you get the expedited 24-hour passport It's only good for one year if you wait for two weeks or more and go the regular route That's a 10-year passport. Then my friend scratched his head said that doesn't seem right. Do they look the same? Yeah Almost she said then he said well, then why can't you get a fast-track passport in 24 hours? That'll last 10 years and she said well, that's because for the expedited 24-hour passport We print them right here in the country And the other one is printed in the states and it has to be curried back to us here at the embassy Then we set up an appointment for two weeks later and you pick it up Then I butted in and said doesn't that seem kind of strange to you if you can print passports in this country

[09:02] They're good for a year. Why can't you print passports that are good for 10 years? Then she shrugged her shoulders and gave me that typical brain dead wind-up monkey mentally fatigued government employee Look and said I don't know. That's just the way it is She said if you want the emergency expedited passport in 24 hours, we can get the process started right now But if not and there's no rush you have to go on the internet and set up an appointment and my friend said how long Before they set the appointment. She said all usually about a week or so So it's really two to three weeks before you get the passport with that. My buddy said no way I got a flight out of here Let's get this started right now. She said, okay, let's have your police report then he said what a police report really

[09:47] She said you don't have one then you have to go down to the municipal police station and get one He said I don't really think I was robbed But who knows I was drunk and I think it fell overboard. Well, I was fishing then she said that doesn't matter You have to get a police report. He said wait a minute. It's not a crime to lose your passport overboard How do you get a police report on something? That's not a crime Then she gave him the same shrug and the dead-eyed government worker look she said that's required That's the rule then I said to my friend. Come on. Let's go get one We'll tell him you were drunk and it got stolen We'll lie like the government does and with that the lady gave us a half smile and a nod as if to say now You're getting it But before we left they said anything else we need to know she said, oh, yeah

[10:34] One more thing make sure whatever police station you're going down to is in the district where the incident took place Because if you say for example, it happened at a particular resort or beach town That's the police jurisdiction where you're gonna have to make out the report I said, hmm. You mean since we're in the capital here at the US Embassy and in this case He lost his passport far far away from the city We either have to take a day trip and go back to the cop shop in that jurisdiction Or lie and say it happened here in the capital and go to the local police station I said that's what you recommend right then guess what? She half nodded again and gave that same dead behind the eyes government employee look that we were starting to get used to You know, she never did answer that question probably because she knew we could have been recording it it could end up on YouTube

[11:23] Oh And of course when my buddy first got that passport stolen wink wink Actually right now, I think it's probably floating around in that Texas sized plastic island out in the Pacific somewhere You know when we got back into the car We actually did go to the US consulate website and booked him an appointment They sent him a robot email saying they'll send him a confirmation when the appointment is set So he had one pending anyway, just in case speaking about that email robot stuff Don't those idiotic capture pop-up window human verification systems drive you nuts. What a pain in the ass, huh? At least they could make it interesting. I mean forget about verifying cars trucks crosswalks bridges stop signs and all that That's boring. Why not have let's say images of magnetist puss in gorge

[12:12] Snaky slime balls like the Clintons the bushes Jamie Diamond Soros the O'Vomits Jerry Brown Maxine Waters Burnout Bernie Trump and occasional cortex then the instructions could say to prove you're not a robot Check each box that has the image of a psychopathic power crazed lying eagle maniacal malignant That would at least I think make the time spent checking those boxes somewhat entertaining, but I digress man Did I digress enough said about that? Where do we go from here? How about let's take this tack, you know practically everyone who listens to this show is not a homebound person You're travelers, right? Most of you have been all around the states. You've been to Canada Maybe even Europe and some to Latin America. So you know what it's like to spend time at airports and it's no fun

[13:01] You know what it's like dealing with luggage changing planes going through customs and those airport restrooms, man it's like flipping a coin some are first world some fourth world and Sometimes I wonder how many of the thousands of you listening out there have ever had any real problems in an airplane I'm talking about mechanical or otherwise, you know as far as me and I've been to at least 75 countries now There was really only one time I was seriously nervous about the capacity of the airplane to make it back on the ground safely, but it did I think I mentioned that in a show a long long time ago where my brother and I had just got on the plane I was in the window seat a little bit behind the wing and I saw there was hydraulic fluid Dripping onto the runway right before takeoff. It was dripping in a nice steady dark stream about as thick as a pencil

[13:51] Not very encouraging to say the least especially when you're an engineer Whereas if the average guy were to see that he might just sluff it off and say that's normal And even if he asked someone flight attendant or co-pilot, they've got their programmed responses So as to not induce any kind of panic Now since I'm not one to keep my mouth shut especially under those conditions. I had a little talk with the co-pilot He actually came back to my seat after I mentioned to the stewardess I thought there just might be something wrong with the plan Well, he came to my seat right away bent down and spoke in a whisper saying we can certainly have a conversation about this But let's have it very calm and softly and lo and behold about five minutes later One of those guys walking around on the runway with those hefty yellow earphones did walk over and take a look

[14:42] Now this was slightly before 9-11 when airports and airport personnel weren't quite so jumpy Though I think today with those recent brand-new Boeing 737 max crashes if something like that were to be brought up today Yeah leak off the wing they'd probably evacuate the plane and the whole thing would go viral on the internet now I get emails and when those planes crashed just recently I got my share of panicked emails from listeners saying Johnny I don't know about flying back and forth to South or Central America Look, you've got two brand new planes Boeing's the latest technology and they crash within a couple of weeks of each other Not a good sign. They didn't have any hours on them. They were brand-new models Yep, so I've gotten a few emails like that and people are rightly concerned now being a bit of a technical guy

[15:28] I was put on alert myself when I heard about those two plane crashes brand new models, too And so close together, of course, everyone wants to know what really happened not the fake CNN spin on it So that said after going through many reports some of them pretty technical I'm gonna condense it a little bit here for you mostly based on a number of articles that came from the Seattle Times So what makes them so smart? Why are they in the know? That's because Seattle, Washington is Boeing's backyard They've got the development and tech offices there and some manufacturing, too Here's what they found out and I'll paraphrase here. It says lack of redundancies on Boeing 737 max systems Baffles some involved in developing that very same jet. So what's that supposed to mean?

[16:14] Well, here's a quote from one of the 737 max developers He says Boeing has long embraced the power of redundancy to protect its jets and passengers From a range of potential disruptions and disasters from electrical faults to lightning strikes The company typically uses two or even three separate components as fail-safes For crucial tasks to reduce the possibility of a disastrous failure It's most advanced planes like for instance the 737 4757 have three yes three flight computers that function independently with each computer containing three different processors manufactured by three different companies That's why some of us people who have worked on Boeing's new 737 max are

[17:02] baffled to learn that the company designed an automated safety system that abandoned those principles of component redundancy Which ultimately entrusted the automated decision-making issue to just one sensor instead of three And it's a type of sensor that was known to sometimes fail Then he says this knowledge alone is so potentially damaging It's hard to fathom why everyone in the press still discusses a certain software glitch For example, he says Boeing's rival Airbus has typically depended on three such sensors A single point of failure is an absolute no-no Practically an impossibility said one former Boeing chief engineer who worked on the 737 max Who requested anonymity to speak frankly about the program?

[17:50] He said in an interview with the Seattle Times for the designers to just have missed it I can't imagine how that could happen This non-redundant Boeing design makes the flight crew the failsafe backup not other redundant systems Which is the norm then he says the system that failed is called the maneuvering characteristics Augmentation system or MCAS then it says this is not just one man talking The Seattle Times has interviewed eight people in recent days who were involved in developing of the 737 max So then why did they go against their usual protocols and install a non-redundant system? It says this system the MCAS system was already a late addition that Boeing had not planned for initially They wanted a plane that was so much like the older versions that no training of pilots would be necessary

[18:41] But the Boeing 737 max did need a much heavier engine Which was why the MCAS was needed and never appeared on earlier versions It wasn't necessary then it says what most people don't know is there was a rush to get the plane done and out the door Because they had over 5,000 orders each plane costing 121 million dollars, so there's absolutely huge money involved Then you've got yet another Boeing engineer saying another problem is to make it serviceable with all international pilots who increasingly expect automation in the planes when the 737 max was being designed managers mandated that any differences from the previous 737 had to be small enough so that it wouldn't trigger the need for all pilots internationally to undergo new

[19:31] Simulator training which now we know after the fact was absolutely necessary Then you've got another unnamed Boeing engineer saying the obvious He says we should have had a third sensor to help ferret out and an erroneous reading much like the three sensor systems on the Airbus our rival adding that option However, it would have required another physical retrofit of the new 737 max So the consensus among Boeing engineers is the company wanted a plane that was so much like the older models though Heavier and more powerful that no extra pilot training would be necessary In other words Boeing cut corners until there were no corners left. All right, there you have it You're worried about plane travel. It's still statistically so damn safe You can't believe it In fact if you look up the stats you'll find you have something like a ten times greater chance of dying on the weight of the

[20:21] Airport than in the plane itself The fact is you have a three times better chance of choking on your food than you do dying in an airplane crash Though I don't quite buy that stat. Have you had airplane food lately? When speaking of building redundancies into the systems of passenger planes I remember at one time I was on a plane and you know Sometimes when the person next to you is interesting or has something interesting he's doing you start talking to him, right? Well, this guy was a professor at Michigan State University in their packaging Institute I'll bet you never even heard of a packaging Institute or a packaging engineer. Well, they do exist That's the place you go if you've got a brand new product and it needs to have special packaging to take some hits and bumps Says it's shipped around. So if it happens to fall off a truck

[21:09] I mean if it really falls off a truck not in the Tony Soprano sense the packaging itself will have prevented damage to the item That's being transported. Anyway, this professor told me in his younger wilder days He was a pilot for Boeing at their testing ground near Lake Tahoe He said he was the guy to test every Boeing 747 as it came off the line and one of the tests he told me which still blows my mind to this day is that He would fly these planes over Lake Tahoe Upside down and cut out three of the four engines while doing so not only that he said he'd land each plane on One engine that was part of the protocol in those days for 747s now They don't make those planes anymore. If you notice the 757 their successor only has two engines

[21:54] So in the actual thrust department, they don't have triple or quadruple redundancy like with the 747 But double redundancy is good. Oh, and if you heard me tell that story a long time ago on the show, maybe I did So sue me I've done 880 shows now which makes it sort of impossible to keep track of the stories now in the interest of not Digressing let's stick with the same subject airports airplanes and traveling I've been saving this one for a while because it's from a TSA agent who speaks Anonymously about his job and what's happening at US airports. It's from a satch not my real name Johnny for many years older people especially baby boomers mostly baby boomers who frequent airports Say the US is evolving into a kind of police state with the head of the spear being at borders and airports

[22:46] And before you know it you almost expect or get used to the cops shaking you down even in your own Municipality then such says for example in 2016 there around 20,000 travelers in and out of the US US citizens who were stopped at random by us TSA guys typically we'd search their baggage We'd photocopy their documents ask for access codes to their electronic devices then copy the files into our databases in most cases Johnny people would just give it up. No explanation from us was given and none was necessary But we would advise them if the search was refused they would be detained and no one, you know Wants to miss that connecting flight. So in 2016 we stopped 20,000 people the following year in 2017 the numbers rose by 50% to 30,000 now

[23:37] Remember, it's important to note that the travelers complied. They were not threatened with arrests We were friendly but firm in our requests and we're working on the basis of the Patriot Act of 2001 Which allows all of the previously mentioned activities without a cause having to be given without a warrant having to be obtained Without access to a phone call or legal representation being allowed. We knew under the Patriot Act We had the right to question or detain any individuals Indefinitely if we wanted though, I can't think of any of us myself included that ever had to defend our legal position Though all of us in TSA had at least in passing been told that there might be some righteous Constitutional types that just might bring up the fact that the Patriot Act is in violation of the Fourth Amendment to the Constitution

[24:26] Which states that people have the right to be secure in their persons houses papers and effects against unreasonable searches and seizures but the truth is Johnny I'd say about one in a thousand Americans even knows what the Fourth Amendment is and Guaranteed if he does he's a baby boomer They truly were the last generation of kids to be taught American history and some of them even paid attention However, it's safe to say that any family returning from a holiday that's just been isolated from each other Interrogated separately frisked and had all the belongings poured through and copies of their papers and electronic files taken without being told a reason for it They comply. They don't put up a stink. They know it won't happen every time It's just luck at the draw But it seems from my experience that only the baby boomers in the group the parents or grandparents

[25:15] Give you that look that something's not right and it's not being done for their general safety or the general welfare of other travelers For Millennials, it's an inconvenience But really no big deal as long as they catch their connecting flight Whereas baby boomers at least some of them know there's something demeaning and wrong with the whole process But their millennial kids feel it's a routine inconvenience like waiting in line for Cardi B or Lady Gaga tickets Oops, johnny. I forgot people buy their tickets online and don't stand in line All right for them It's like the necessary evil of sitting in a waiting room at a doctor's office or the new drive-through line at Taco Bell Just remember last year the 30,000 people who got yanked on a line Were just hoping to reach their destination with no trouble from anyone even though a generation ago

[26:06] Baby boomers would never have tolerated such a violation without opening their mouths and talking about their rights But now they submit maintain a straight face and accept whatever they're told to do or they'll end up spending their vacation in a car And go into disneyland or six flags instead of paris cancun or costa rica The excuse for all the supposed rights violations and touchy feely stuff here at the airports and at borders Is extensively to combat money laundering drug trafficking and terrorism? That's the company line But there's one more thing they never tell you Is to teach you that rights have been lost and you're expected To submit to any and all orders and restrictions imposed on you in that respect It's been a very successful campaign indeed as for me, johnny

[26:52] I don't much like being the bad guy either, but it is a job and it pays well. So what am I supposed to do? Anyway, psychologists say 70 of people don't like their jobs Anyway, and would rather be doing something else sometimes anything else I can think of a lot more things i'd like to be doing too, but let's be real. So does everyone else Well, that's it. Johnny. Keep on trucking and as far as me personally I don't know if i'll ever be able to get out of dodge You don't know how much I wish that could happen, but I don't think it's in the cards for me Well, such thanks for that. But I wouldn't want to have your job for anything Though I do have one general question for everyone How's your plan be coming? You've been listening to the expat files living in latin america If you need some help with your own plan b you can schedule a one-on-one phone call with me

[27:40] But first download my free plan b questionnaire at Www. The new expat.com better yet If you want to get your plan b going from right up there in the states Just sign up for my nine hour expat essentials course get the perfect plan b blueprint by going to the expat files.com Academy most famous