#841 – Johnny Mueller on Cultural Phenomena, Street Performers, and Expat Life in Latin America

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came out to play and now I wonder Hello there all you ex-pat wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started Hey, did you see that Michael Jackson tell all that came? I think from BBC in England, which gives it a lot of weight. It just wasn't some a national inquirer stuff Well, you know, I saw that thing. It's on YouTube. You know, what's cool about YouTube you can rev up the speed You know normally when I watch anything on YouTube, I rev it up to about 1.5 times speed

[00:50] That way you can get the info fast You don't have to wait for the pauses in the ifs ands buts and ors. Hey, I say that now But that's probably how you're listening to me Abbreviated blatherings at high speed I get it. So anyway, I watched that Michael Jackson thing like we didn't know that already I mean look you might remember some years ago. He paid off some kids dad I think it was the dentist ten million dollars or some really high on the school some in that area to drop another pedophile case So was it a big surprise? Not for me. After all, I went to Catholic school as a kid No, nothing ever went down at my school and I never even heard any rumors But as for my younger brother who went to the same school some ten years later Reports that his friends who went to the same school went on a retreat in one of the priests did do some things with him

[01:36] I think I told that story in a past show. Anyway, so what's all that got to do with living in Latin America? Well, I'll tell you when I saw that Michael Jackson thing on YouTube. The first thing I thought was man soon enough There are gonna be five thousand Latinos out of work but not right away like time will kick in and probably three to five years when finally Latin Americans get that Michael Jackson thing Translated it on YouTube in Spanish because you know, I'd say there are at least 500 Michael Jackson impersonators making a living down here in Latin America Of course, they're not working for talent agencies are all up to books But still it's a living what I'm saying is that in every tourist town in Latin America and every medium to large city That has one of those pedestrian only boulevards You're gonna see street performers all kinds of them and you're always gonna find a Michael Jackson impersonator

[02:25] Of course, you've got the usual acrobats dancers jugglers And of course the big thing these days is people painting themselves up in silver and gold or army green and posing as statues You see that everywhere these days all over the world and all those places have their Michael Jackson, too But you know what's always puzzled me is the fact that in all the years I've been here in Latin America and all the Michael Jackson impersonators. I've seen in all kinds of other street performers I've never seen a Latin Elvis I suppose it's because here in Latin America unlike up in the States Europe and especially in Japan the population is not old They're very young and most people don't even know who Elvis is Although funny enough all those years I lived up in the States before I left for Latin America I never met a single person named Elvis and I've met quite a few of them here in Latin America

[03:12] So obviously their parents being from Elvis's generation figured that would be a good name to hang on their kid Strangely enough and I don't know how to explain this but I've met lots of Elvis's who are cab drivers And none of them and I've asked them all about their namesake Even give a damn about Elvis or like any of his music But then again Elvis was before my time, too I didn't like much of his music though You really gotta admire him as the guy who kind of started all the rock and roll thing and like John Lennon said Before Elvis there was no one But you know just the other day when I saw that Michael Jackson tell all I felt kind of sorry for the Michael Jackson's Down here. I'm making a living at especially this guy I see all the time fact I just saw him yesterday And of course me it being the inquisitive guy of the day I'm asking if he'd heard about the Michael Jackson tell all and it's not in Spanish

[04:01] So I'd expect that you'd ever see it But he'd never heard of it and you'd think a guy like that whose whole livelihood Depends on that little Torps image would at least know what's happening, but he doesn't this is Latin America And in his case in all the impersonators like him lag time is definitely a good thing Talk about a dead-end job with no upward mobility. Where do you go from there sword swallower fire breather? Maybe juggling flaming machetes Wow speaking of juggling flaming machetes man Those are my favorite way out there on the edge street performers those guys are amazing and do they suffer for it? You should see the scars and bruises they have on their arms Even me a kind of a hard sell when it comes to giving money to people on the street I do sometimes duke those flaming machete jugglers because well it's more than a skill

[04:48] It's kind of a weird art form especially the guys who do it at night man In fact I remember a couple years back on the beach in Honduras about 10 o'clock at night outside of a beachfront disco All of a sudden it's 20 something latino walked out dressed sort of like Barbara Eden and I dream of a genie You know the puffy pants the Arabian Nights look and all that first she started with the flaming hula hoop And then she switched to juggling flaming machetes, and I thought holy crap Man, it was mesmerizing did she make some dough that night But you know rotan honduras is pretty much on the gringo tourist trail in a low-key way So people weren't throwing her nickels and dimes they were tossing her fives and tents Why work the cheap tippers in the Latino crowd when there are gringos around huh? So anyway in thinking about how certain Latinos

[05:35] impersonate iconic characters to make a little dough or eat got a living cuz that's all they basically can do I Have to say the oddest celebrity impersonator I ever saw here in Latin America was when I was in Caracas Venezuela some years back and I took the Teleférico, that's the cable car up the side of a mountain and onto an area where there's a park and lots of things to do entertainers Food restaurants people out with their families walking around having fun And who did I see walking down the street grabbing photo ops for a buck apiece? Good old Fidel Castro himself well Let's just say a reasonable facsimile there up all dressed up khaki green military revolution style Perfect scruffy beard and a nice big cigar photos a buck apiece man was that guy doing business course

[06:21] We're talking about Venezuela in the Chavez days So he along with that sociopath Che where the local heroes it was such a weird experience seeing how much everyone loved That guy I had to take a picture Then he held out his hand and said oondola and I said oondola Americano Serdo capitalista, I called him a capitalist pig and he left he played along I mean that was his gig and I said hey, where's your homicidal buddy Che? He said oh, he's off fighting up revolution somewhere Anyway, looking back on it. I can't help to think even to this day that he had a pretty good gig going It's amazing. I never saw another Fidel impersonator in Latin America not anywhere and this guy was cleaning up I don't get it. It would be the easiest makeup and costume job in the world

[07:08] I mean look there's always a Fidel or a che at a Halloween costume party But never have I seen anyone put it to good use on the street like this guy Yeah, I know I know I'm supposed to be spotting business ideas for gringos and expats not locals, right? But really I think anywhere you've got tourists especially gringo tourists or pedestrian Boulevard And they've got them in every medium and large Latin City a Castro impersonator is a natural Oh and get this one time I was talking to a retired cop from Boston who was living in Latin America married to a Latina And you wonder how'd that happen? How'd he find Latin America? Well, because he was a jarhead before he became a cop. He was stationed in Colombia You know the US has four bases in Colombia reason 476 why I'll never live in Colombia And he told me firsthand that even back then in his early 20s

[07:56] He said I'm gonna retire in Latin America So he got his 20 years in as a cop in Boston and now he's living in Cartagena, Colombia And he's got a beautiful Venezuelan wife and kid as he puts it he met her in Caracas five or six years ago and Subsequently married her saved her ass and got the hell out Then we got to talking about Caracas the cable car in that park wouldn't you know what the subject of the Fidel? Impersonator came up. He'd never seen anything like that either and the ex-cop ex-jarhead said I got a picture of that guy, too And I said just as I said to you right now I don't understand why no one else is doing it elsewhere in Latin America the guy from Boston said no, man I think it'd be too dangerous people would walk up to him and punch him out Especially exiled Cubans or Cubans who'd escaped I said, I don't know I beg to differ

[08:44] I've met lots of Cubans all over Latin America And they've got this kind of love-hate thing going with the Castro brothers in other words It's like Americans who can be too faced about that kind of thing, too I mean look everyone knows the Bushes the Clintons Obama's they're all crooks and liars Sociopaths you don't get the top of that heap of Mierda if you don't but the truth is if you saw one of those puss bags Walking down the vegetable aisle at Costco most Americans even if they hate their guts would want a photo or a selfie It's a purely human foible and defect to be drawn to the famous and infamous Look they say even Charlie Manson got a marriage proposal or two every month are humans twisted or what? On here's something interesting, you know There are lots of tourist trails in Latin America and some of them are purely gringo or mostly gringo and European and a lot of them

[09:34] Are purely Latino tourist trail sites in other words there are all kinds of street performers lots of stuff to do Restaurants and partying and hanging out in parks etc, but barely a gringo to be seen which is alright with me But you know There's one other surefire telltale sign that you know You're on the Latin tourist trail and not the gringo trail besides the fact that you don't see gringos and that is You'll see street performers impersonating iconic figures historical and otherwise that you've never heard of for example You know if you're walking down the Champs de l'Ese or near the Eiffel Tower You'll see Napoleon and Marie Antoinette impersonators and of course even the dumbest gringo traveler gets that reference However, if you're in Tagusi Galpa Honduras or San Salvador Monte video Uruguay or Buenos Aires Argentina

[10:22] Where there aren't many gringos at all if you happen to be walking down one of those pedestrian only boulevards or at some kind of street Celebration or fair in a park whatever you're gonna see street performers the usual suspects devils angels spider-man ETS that is aliens the legal kind on second thought I take that back a space alien once landed would Technically be an illegal alien, but then again who's gonna try to deport him Hmm, where were we? Oh, yeah street performers in Latin America You've got the usual suspects soldiers Wonder Woman Michael Jackson, etc But you'll also see Latin historical figures that don't show up anywhere else in the world Like for example Simon Boulevard who knows who the hell he is or Jose Marti Have you heard of these guys?

[11:07] Well, maybe that is if you recall those two sentences devoted to him in your sophomore history class Certainly few people realize that these guys were pretty much the George Washington Benjamin Franklin and Thomas Jefferson in the early days of Latin country independence So believe me when you see these street statue guys that you don't recognize dressed in 17th and 18th century duds You might feel kind of stupid because you'll have no idea who these guys are supposed to be Of course They'll have a sign around their neck or on the ground next to their collection box saying who they are By the way, most Latinos don't know their own history either Sound familiar point is when you see these guys, you know, you're on the tourist trail But it's not the gringo tourist trail. It's the Latino tourist trail Oh and here's a funny story about celebrity impersonators, you know many years ago in another life

[11:54] I went to graduate school in the UK Yeah, don't talk about that much got a MBA before they churned him out like Pez and made him useless Pez remember Pez dispensers, but being that I'm a B grade musician and a diehard beetle fan I had to make a pilgrimage to Abbey Road Studios in London You know, that's where the Beatles did most of their major recordings And if you remember the Abbey Road album, they're a very last one you old-timers out there might remember that It had the four Beatles walking single file through the crossway at Abbey Road very famous photo And wouldn't you know it when I got there I saw a John and Yoko celebrity impersonator couple Right there at Abbey Road John Lennon with long hair granny glasses and white suit though as I got closer

[12:42] I saw was pretty dingy, you know the street performers And there was the occasional person who would take a photo with him barefoot crossing that famous crosswalk That was in the late 80s. So Lennon had been dead some years nevertheless Disimpersonator guy in his sidekick Yoko were making some dough So I asked him how long he'd been doing it since Lennon died. I think it was 1980 He said about a year and it was a very good gig and I said, hey How come you're the only one out here and he winked and said there's just one John Lennon mate and then held up his fists He gave me that British hooligan Look like he'd been in a few scrapes and kicked the bullocks out of his competition. So much for a give piece of chance, huh? And even back then he was asking gringo or first world prices. He wanted five quid back then

[13:30] They were using the pound or five bucks. Meanwhile back in Caracas that good old feed L Personator was only asking for a buck and since I was living in the UK for a while after that I actually made a trek up to penny lane and strawberry fields in Liverpool and John Lennon's house in the cavern You know the downtown club they played in every day at noon right before they became famous though It was a letdown because by then it had been paved into a parking lot and there was just a plaque there and back Then in the mid to late 80s, the Beatles nostalgia thing hadn't really kicked in yet So no one was giving organized to her She had to kind of go find that stuff for yourself Anyway, about a year later one of my friends from Chicago came to visit he wanted to visit Abbey Road So I took him there and know John Lennon and the cop the Bobby that was stationed there to prevent people from

[14:18] Scratching their names and graffiti into the wall of Abbey Road Studios He was nice enough and I asked him where's the John Lennon guy? He said sorry might no more John Lennon blokes and I was kind of disappointed I said why not that was cool kind of added to the atmosphere, you know, he said too many regulations I said what then he said you need a license a permit and a health certificate to perform on the street He said you'd have to fork out probably around 500 pounds to get all the permits Then he said all street performers must wear a laminated tag on their person And you know Abbey Road Studios is in a big mansion in a high-buck neighborhood They will check on that stuff for sure and all the while as he said that I was thinking man

[15:04] Would that not ruin the rebel John Lennon effect having to wear an authorized street performer tag around your neck? Imagine that sorry. I couldn't resist. Oh So even back then in the mid to late 80s be for the advent of security cameras all over London The tentacles of Big Brother and government were reaching all the way down to the lowly street performers Hmm talk about karma instant karma Meanwhile back in Latin America where people every day gather around those hundreds of Michael Jackson impersonators with their lone white gloves Moonwalk into the sounds of Billie Jean and beat it on their tiny little boomboxes Even though they don't understand the English lyrics you'd think there'd be some professional concern there some dark clouds gathering

[15:52] So will lag time eventually kill off those Michael Jackson impersonators will those hundreds of Jocko job opportunities just fade away Night's a the jury's out on that one. Look at it this way here in Latin America Peter Ophelia hasn't put much of a dent in the Catholic Church. In fact attendance is up enough said about that All right. Now for one of my very personal boots on the ground stories I've been traveling a lot through Latin America lately been staying at a few misrepresented and overpriced Airbnbs and that makes me a bit negative on a whole Airbnb experience though It should be a very positive one because the idea is to save money over book in a hotel and that's not the case anymore Yep, Airbnbs are pushing their own prices up and in many ways of misrepresenting themselves in the photos though

[16:40] Certainly not in all cases, but it is a crapshoot. You don't know till you walk through the door Anyway, some months back I was staying at an apartment Airbnb in a residential tower. It was one of those places that was very misrepresented in the photos But I'd paid for a month. So I had to stay there Anyway, I was in the laundromat at the complex and in walks this woman in a robe towel on her head white pant Cake makeup, obviously in the early stages of getting made up to go out and face the world and do some laundry at the same time Well, we said our hellos. We were the only ones there We're in the same building and I recognized she had a Venezuelan accent So naturally a small talk turned instantly to what's happening in Venezuela It's out this Venezuelan ladies a professional dancer slash model Who's got a contract with a Puerto Rican media agency that gives her every other month off and she returns to Venezuela

[17:32] She does product promotions and events But mostly her jobs consist of dancing in reggaeton daddy Yankee and pitbull and other horrid videos You know that vomitus latin rap style music. I absolutely hate course. I didn't tell her that that's no way to make friends or influence people But I think maybe my face showed it when she mentioned that then I asked her about her contract She said she's been working with this agency for years They pay her a thousand bucks a month and if she does special events like Hawaiian Tropic or Johnny Walker or booze promotion She gets an extra 500 bucks now for those months. She's off. That's every other month. She also gets a grand She's doing fine. She's at the top of her game in that business. Anyway, I'd say she's making maybe

[18:17] 25,000 bucks a year big dough here in Latin America Anyway, a day or two later, I saw her by the pool all made up ready to go out on a job and man Let me tell you you think the retired ashe ends have curves. You ain't seen nothing yet This lady is the bombshell of all bombshells In fact, you send me an email they expect files at gmail.com and you just won't believe it You'll see why she's in huge demand to do these crappy degenerate videos, but they do pay She said I use what God gave me and man was God generous to her now Here's the thing you won't believe and I didn't believe it either She's 39 years old has a 20 year old son her mistake She said who's living in Venezuela and she's supporting the kid her mother and her two sisters

[19:03] Then the next day she's knocking on my door. She says Johnny. Will you go to the bank with me? I said sure thinking maybe she needed a guy along because she gets accosted all the time She said Johnny will you do me a favor? I got a lot of 20s and 50s. Could you change them for $100 bills in the bank for me? She said I've done it too many times myself at my own bank and the tellers don't want to do it for me anymore I said why and what for? She said I used to send them 500 bucks a month through Western Union and other remissive services, but they're not offering that anymore There's only one bank that allows you to send remissas to Venezuela They take a huge chunk and when it lands in the authorized Venezuelan bank It's switched over to boulevards right away at a terrible rate. So you lose money on both ends

[19:51] I said, okay, but why do you want $100 bills? She said because I go back to Venezuela every other month and I hide a thousand bucks on me and Hundreds are the easiest way to do it She said they'll pick out certain people at the airport for a shakedown and the dogs can sniff out if you have even a small Stack of money, so I helped her out change the money for her and this is the part that gets me She asked me to take her dance in that night and I'm a gringo, you know, we have this problem with dancing We know it it's a kind of a sickness But Latinas just love dancing and they cut us all kinds of slack. It's part of our gringo advantage Anyway, we went out that night every time she went to the bathroom Latin guys in that disco would walk up to me Give me the thumbs up and say man You did good because you see they all recognize her

[20:37] She's a recurring face and body on those pathetic pitbull daddy Yankee and rag-a-thon videos and she claims no surgery And you have to believe it. It's just the way some of these girls are put together Sure, it's true. A lot of them go under the knife for a lot of different things But don't just think when you see a very curvy Latina that there spend some enhancement look at Jennifer Lopez's butt You know, it's a natural attribute. You don't see much with people of European extraction like most Caucasians up north So don't always think surgery when you see Latinas with curves like that and if you want to get down to cases a lot of Latin men have pretty substantial butts to or So I've heard because you know, I'm not interested meanwhile back at this go the waitress comes by offering a

[21:25] Bucket full of different kinds of wines. She picks out a wine not an expensive wine, but a bottle and you know I don't drink but I'll nurse a glass of wine all night and sometimes I won't even finish that So anyway, by the time three o'clock in the morning rolls by and this is a weekday now She's put down three whole bottles of wine herself minus my one glass. We grab a taxi. She's hungry We go to an all-night burger joint. I don't eat that stuff either, but she ate two actually when I look back She was kind of a cheap date. So anyway, we're in a taxi around four in the morning heading back to our high-rise complex We get to the front entrance. She's passed out cold in the taxi It took me the taxi driver and the doorman to lift her out of the car And when she was finally on her feet, she was just barely able to walk and I brought her to her front door and

[22:15] She didn't have her keys on her. I don't know if she lost them or forgot to take them or oh and let me backtrack I'd say this girl's around a hundred and fifty pounds But how that hundred fifty pounds is distributed. You have to see it to believe it I'm telling you send me an email the expat files at gmail.com. I'm thinking what next no key to the door So I walked her down the hall to my apartment. We went in I walked her over to the bed later down covered her up and I went to sleep in the other room That's the kind of guy I am, you know went to Catholic school all my life and my mother wore the pants in the family I could never take advantage of or disrespect a woman or my master's degree in good old Catholic guilt would haunt me the rest of my life anyway Next morning. She wakes up in her disco clothes and says I have a shoot in a couple hours at 11 a.m

[23:05] On the beach. I gotta go. She says she's doing a video shoot on the beach boardwalk in roller skates I'm thinking how is she gonna do that? But she did it and a couple nights later She invited me over to her apartment and showed me what she'd been doing with her money She sends her back to Venezuela and over the last few years She's bought three or four beautiful beachfront condominiums on margarita island Which is the Sun and fun capital of Venezuela where rich folks and plus-bag politicians have condominiums townhouses and beach houses And I said, well, why would you do that? Why invest in Venezuela? It's crumbling. It's falling apart at the seams She said you watch when it comes back the first place real estate's gonna go through the moon is on margarita island because that's where all Wealthy Venezuelans go to vacation. Hey, I couldn't argue with her there

[23:51] The place was absolutely beautiful But the apartments that she was showing me in her videos were in good condition But it seemed like no one was there was no one on the premises. They were abandoned She said yeah, all the rich people and politicians have u.s. Visas and they're all up in Colombia or up in my jammy now Waiting it out and what it might do it was gone. They'll all be back So about a week later she went back to Venezuela I never did see her in person again, but she's been keeping in touch with me practically every day Sending me updates and videos on what's really happening in Venezuela. Now remember in Venezuelan terms. She's got money She's got a car down there. Yep. She sends me these videos on what's up with her and her 20 year old son in the car

[24:36] He's driving and she's taking the videos last one She sent me was a drive-by of a cola a line that was seven blocks long You'll never guess what the people were standing in line for what they were waiting for Well, maybe it would if you saw the video because everyone had a cooler with them. They were waiting to get ice Yes, ice why because you've probably heard that in the last couple of weeks The power has been out up to five days in various cities throughout Venezuela And you know all the while I was thinking five days without power How would you last with five days without power? Are you ready for that up in Cleveland? Now that's not to say things up in the states will ever get as bad as Venezuela It's just to say what would you do if he didn't have power for five days?

[25:22] So anyway, she sends me these videos all the time. I got one yesterday get this bunch of guys looting a supermarket They break the glass they go and she's right outside with the telephone taking the video and I'm thinking man. This is dangerous Why is she right there taking a video? Well, as it turns out these people were not vicious criminals at all They were taking the food especially the fresh produce bonanza stuff taking it out in shopping carts to the main street and handing it To people driving and walking by they were handing it out to fellow citizens. They didn't even know why because with the power out There was no refrigeration and things were starting to spoil and that was no isolated incident then she sent me a video of various bulletin boards in supermarkets and

[26:10] Universities showing the hot spots in town where you could charge up your cell phone and without grid power How are you gonna do that unless we got solar panels or like she showed in another video? Guys in parking lots keeping their motors running using the electric off the alternator to charge people's phones. Yep They're all using what's up. It's their lifeline then just a few days ago I told her there were rumors in the first world media that it was the US that hacked their power grid knocked it out Is there any truth to that then she put her kid on the phone? He's an engineering student He said that's total BS. All the power stations are running analog Separate, they're not hooked up by a computer. It's an old old system So no one can go in and individually hack these things online. It's impossible. Wow, we're coming up towards the end of the show

[26:58] That was fast. Alright, here's an update on my upcoming July 2019 Exped Insider seminar It'll be starting Saturday, July 6th and running through Thursday, July 11th Now in a way that makes it easier for people who have to get some time off because you're gonna get the 4th of July Off and the 5th that's Thursday and a Friday So let's say you fly in on that free day Friday and the seminar starts on Saturday So you have to arrive in Guatemala by Friday, July 5th For more info and to get on my early bird discount list, send me an email theexpedfiles at gmail.com You've been listening to the Exped Files living in Latin America If you need some help with your own plan B, you can schedule a one-on-one phone call with me But first download my free plan B questionnaire at www.thenewexped.com

[27:46] Better yet, if you want to get your plan B going from right up there in the States Just sign up for my 9-hour Exped Essentials course Get the perfect plan B blueprint by going to the expedfiles.com slash academy. Los bemos