#724 – The Expat Files: Life in Latin America – Complaints, Adaptation, and Cultural Insights

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came out to play and now as I wonder Hello there all you expat wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here So let's get started It seems when you're down here in Latin America every time you get a bunch of gringos together you get Complainers, you know, some people are chronic complaters. We all know people like that and we try to escape from them They're usually called by other names time vampires people who suck the energy out of a rumor or just plain dickheads

[00:51] Those are the kind of people you want to ditch from your life Right and for some of us one of the reasons we left the US for Latin America in the first place Thankfully, they're not too many of those around but all of us do complain of dead Especially when we're irritable or having a bad day But you do it fine concerning expats and gringos that usually all that complaining gets done in the first year You're down here you get it out of your system and start accepting the way things are or not Soon enough you realize complaining gets you nowhere You learn to live with a little aggravations or just let them drive you nuts Oddly enough when people first come down they find the adventure so stimulating there is little or no complaining at all Not in the first few months. Anyway, after all it's fresh and new and an interesting adventure Though obviously there are parts of that adventure that get pretty old fast

[01:39] Like for example that diminished personal space thing that can be a problem for a lot of gringos Then there's the problem of those long bank and government lines and gringos and gringos being terribly impatient compared to latins Can hardly deal with that at all, especially at first That's why if you pay attention and talk to gringos who've been down here quite a while You'll find that after around six months or so of being down here That's about when the real complaining phase of most gringos kicks in Then after a couple of months of heavy complaining you find you fall into kind of a complacent acceptance groove In the meantime speaking of complaints, man I've heard them all and they're generally the same ones over and over again Did my share of complaining along the way too? Now if you end up in a place where there's a lot of gringos, you're on the tourist trail

[02:27] You'll hear gringos and expats forever comparing I should say complaining about how things are in latin america versus their old digs back in Milwaukee, Seattle or Cleveland Fact is over the years i've collected a huge number of emails from gringos and expats green gringos and season expats By the way stating all those things They don't like about latin america or latin americans and the things that bothered them the most too So today to start off the new year After all, this is the first show of 2018 We're gonna give you the full breakdown of what gringos and expats don't like about latin america But do note although they might be irritated disgruntled or even miserable in their condition here in latin america Nearly all of them admit they'd be much worse off if they went back to the states

[03:15] That said let's get started on this list of things people don't like or even hate about latin america in no particular order First let me tell you how I got started on this theme today. Well a few weeks ago I spoke with a building contractor who left the states him and his wife retired moved down to ergo I bought an existing house. He figured he would tinker away at it himself because it was latin style Had the usual loose ends and defects and since i've tinkered a bit with construction here in latin america, too We got talking about details construction details and he said johnny Let me tell you about something that really drives me nuts Every time i'm in a hotel public building or even visiting someone's house and I have to use the restroom It's a complete guessing game as to where the light switch is going to be Now, you know if you're up in the states or any first world country as soon as you open the door in a restroom

[04:05] The switch is almost always at about chest height inside the room right next to the door jam But in latin american restrooms, it's always a crapshoot. No pun intended Well, maybe oh and then he said don't get me started about how dark houses rooms and restrooms are in latin american homes in businesses Nearly always he says and I have to agree with them when you walk into a bathroom It's pitch dark now You've heard me mention before how most latin houses and office buildings are way too dark for the circumstances Which is why closets bathrooms in many living spaces become dank and moldy Meaning your clothes and shoes are always at risk for all the sun they have here in latin america latins Don't seem to utilize it much. In fact, just the other day. I got into a discussion about latin's light and skylight

[04:54] I always recommend if you build a house here in latin america or you buy an existing one and you remodel it Put a bunch of skylights in everywhere Not only will it be bright and airy and save you a ton on the electric bill But during the rainy season when you could have four five six or even a week long stretch of clouds and well misty weather With just a half an hour's worth of sunshine a day And you can almost always count on that even in the dankest part of the rainy season The sun will penetrate your skylights and eliminate all the moisture in your house and that's what you want Because man these latin houses that don't have skylights or natural sunlight coming in will always have persistent mold and discolored paint And you know that can't be good for your health Especially if you've got allergies and latin people they live with it. They're used to it

[05:41] But you don't have to put up with an easy solution skylights By the way, you'd think with all that mold in the heavy rainy season and all the plant growth down here There'd be lots and lots of allergies, but you just don't see that and I don't get it Then again, it could be first world people have weakened immune systems from all of vaccines and garbage They eat pretty good theory if you ask me how else can you explain the lack of allergies here? So then why are latin people loathe to put in skylights when if installed correctly they provide so many benefits Well, that's just the problem. You see they're almost never installed correctly Well for one thing extra work goes into them so they cost a little more and secondly after a couple years they almost always leak Again, it's about using poor materials and bad installation to boot. However when installed correctly they could last a lifetime

[06:31] I'm not gonna go into how you do that. But take it from me Latin contractors have had such bad luck with skylights leaking. They just don't put them in much Suffice it to say where there's a skylight. There's a leak not good, especially if your skylight's in the closet Anyway, that retired contractor that went down to Uruguay said johnny when you're looking for a light switch in a bathroom It is a crapshoot Oh, here's that pun again Could be where it should be where you expect it when you open the door right around the corner Or it could be on the hinge side of the door Which means you'll have to play stevie wonder for a while because you'll have to shut the door and feel around for it Or it could be across the room on the wall over the toilet another likely but totally ass backward place Again, no pun intended who or even in the hallway outside of the bathroom in any event

[07:22] He said probably 80% of the time those switches are mounted completely contrary to first world electrical codes Not to mention in practically every latin home and office building. There's a huge shortage of electrical outlets They really skimp on those that's why in most especially older latin homes You'll see many extension cords and cheater plugs Not to mention very very low wattage light bulbs. Yep You name it bars restaurants houses even some of the nicer hotels the wattage on the light bulbs is well dismal So anyway being a house contractor, he noticed things like that and you will too Though obviously because he was in the business those kinds of defects bother him more than others All right. So let's move on to some of the more general complaints about living and hanging out in latin america

[08:10] I'll read you some excerpts from some emails. This one's from candy in median columbia candy with a K She said johnny. I know it's impossible to go anywhere in the world these days and truly escape us fast food chains Or should I say poison palaces that are popping up everywhere? Even tibet. Yep. I've been there i've seen them So here I am in median columbia fast food chains everywhere McDonald's the flagship Kentucky fried taco bell you name it And as i've heard you say in past shows Why would anyone in latin america choose taco bell over the local taco restaurants? That's beyond me I know I know you've said it. It's all about loving everything and anything first world Which in a way is good because that's why we're so accepted down here and people look up to us and all that

[08:58] But it has its drawbacks Like for example, I can't go to any street corner and not see some kind of fast food first world franchise sign like Kentucky fried chicken Worse yet beyond the fast food crap. There are chain stores from the states everywhere All modeled after american stores if not owned by them walmart Costco sears chucky cheese. I can go on and on ad nauseam. In fact, it is kind of nauseating Oh, and they have their own version of home depot now. It's called epa All right candy with a K. It's me johnny again for all you do-it-yourselfers out there. Yep. There's a chain That's hit latin america called epa Nope, it has nothing to do with that stateside bureaucratic malignancy with the same letters

[09:43] We all love to hate just happened to be luck of the draw those letters turned out that way Anyway, you probably won't believe this but the first epa That would be a home depot latin style and they're every bit as large and expansive as a real home depot, by the way Showed up and guess where venezuela? Yep, that was way before it became a failed state There was a lot of investment back then And that was when guys like oliver stone and any number of hollywood lightweights would go down there and do photo op Ass-kissing sessions with hugo shaves. You see there was a time in venezuela when money was flush And that's when the epa chain got started Luckily, they franchised out to other latin countries I don't believe venezuela has a functioning epa store at all anymore. And that's where they started

[10:32] Anyway, when you see epa stores here in latin america, think home depot. That's all you do-it-yourselfers out there even though Labor here is so ridiculously cheap. You still might want to do things yourself A lot of us gringos, you know are born tinkerers. Anyway, candy goes on to say yes I do go to this smaller local stores to try to get away from the us franchises and of course to the big markets but sadly There are times you simply cannot avoid stopping in the bigger chains because just like back home They crush the competition out of existence Then I got this email from pete living in san pedro Sula honduras town of almost a million people says johnny. Here's one thing. I absolutely hate and can never get used to Take every traffic law, you know and just throw it out the window

[11:18] I'm not talking about my own personal little foibles like making a u-turn where you're not supposed to I'm talking about throwing out the rules of the road. That should definitely be followed or else johnny I'm living in a place here. In fact a very nice apartment building in an upscale area Where I can sit on my very nice porch on my very nice balcony and watch at least 20 people each night run a red light Oh, and that's just cars and trucks nearly every bus runs a red light That's just a given and the cops Well, they run red lights too and not because they're chasing bad guys. It's just what they do Now for me who grew up in a very law-abiding little town in florida The problem is I just cannot get used to living in a place where the lines on the road

[12:07] The traffic lies to science even common sense in traffic is just basically Non-existent on top of that honking your horn doesn't mean hey I almost hit you or get out of the way or look out horn honking at least here in honduras is a conversation All by itself and when you're in the city, anyway, you drive aggressively or you never get anywhere All this and at the same time the latins are the happiest people around. I don't get it johnny They drive aggressively honking all the time all pissed off in traffic yet. They're so extremely happy. Hey pete It's me johnny You know why they're so happy even in traffic because they're so damn happy to have a car any kind of car Even a bombed out piece of junk put you in a higher class here in latin america

[12:54] You can suddenly leave the chicken bus life behind So I can see how that dichotomy kind of works for them Then pete says because there are so many traffic laws being broken all the time And because people drive so aggressively there are lots and lots of accidents Then he says unlike if you get an accident in the us and canada Down here if you bump or crash into a vehicle the whole world stops You don't pull off to the side of the road to let other people's pass You just stop and deal with it wherever you are. Whatever lane you're in, which is why there are so many infuriating bottlenecks that could have been completely eliminated if The people who got in the accident just would pull over to the side of the road and have some courtesy Then he says talk about irony There's still a ton of what you might call courtesy on the road

[13:41] In other words, if you're waiting to get into a huge line of cars latin drivers are always willing to slow down and let you get in You don't see that kind of courtesy in la chicago or new york So you'll get that famous latin courtesy with a smile when they let you into a big long line of traffic Meanwhile though tailgate and rear end you any chance they get Hmm, man, he's got that right Then there's this email from alice in panama city panama She says her car was in the mechanic shop for a week simply because in that four block drive from her condo to the supermarket Someone swiped a manhole cover and her front left tire fell right in she said yes, johnny I broke one of your rules. I was driving at night, but she says in my four years here in panama I've learned one thing always look down when you're driving or walking

[14:30] There are so many metal utility covers and manholes missing that if you don't keep an eye out You'll surely fall in and break a leg All right, me johnny again, but this list of complaints I'm not going to bring up the real obvious stuff like the lard ass cops and bureaucracies and lines You've heard my broken record on that over and over again That said we've got calvin who's living in san jose costa rica and he begs to differ with me on a subject of pollution He says johnny you've spoken a few times about how when gringos come to an area They start recycling and they put out three or four various garbage bags and cans So us good little environmentalists can separate our trash However, what you didn't or failed to report Was it's the locals who empty these cans and take them to the dump?

[15:19] So while all us smug gringos are feeling good about ourselves because we're teaching the costa rikens how to be kind to their environment Little do gringos and expats know what really happens at the dump. They never go there Well the stuff that's metal and is worth some money does get pulled out and recycled But everything else that we so painstakingly pick through to Separate into three or four different containers all goes into the same hole All right, it's me again johnny, you know a lot of stuff i've touched on before but I want you to hear it from people Who are actually living it this from expat lester in urugway. He says and you heard me say this before But it sounds better from him. He says johnny There are lots and lots of local people here who look up to bankers and government workers and public employees

[16:06] In fact anyone who's got a white-collar job or a uniform Is envied the regular locals really want to get in on that kind of stuff There's this mentality that everyone wants low effort high paying jobs and the best ones because you can't get fired Are in government i've seen it a lot of times He says kind of mentality that the smart urugwayan is the one who works less and gets more Which is cause and effect for the thing that really bugs us gringos and expats about urugway That out of this world value-added tax or eva as they call it here europe's got it In fact almost all third world and latin countries have it but get this Uruguay's astounding value-added tax is 22 percent of everything you buy I believe urugway and argentina have the highest value-added tax in all latin america whereas in many other latin countries

[16:57] It's half of that but think of it That's like a 22 state tax. Could you handle that? And of course, that's because they've got so many dunderheads working for government Yep, that's the low effort high paying segment of urugway's society kind of pathetic, huh? And then johnny you talk to college kids they get out and they get a job at starbucks They find out that a college degree doesn't get them much and somehow latin colleges and universities Discourage people from being entrepreneurial. They want to work for big existing companies transnationals like ge or Nestle's even Monsanto seems like all the latin colleges and universities rubber stamp the kids and suck all the entrepreneurial spirit out of them They think the big money's in working for a transnational

[17:44] And they find out that those jobs are very limited too and they end up working at a clothing store or as a bank teller They get another bright idea that the next best thing to do is get an mba Which stifles the entrepreneurial spirit even more? Yep, the gringle call centers are just filled with mba's man in the phones. How about that? Oh, and did I mention here in urugway, which is probably nothing new for people from up in the states It's impossible to fire a public employee. Yep. They've even passed laws to that effect Any wonder why the vat tax is 22? Oh, and I forgot to mention import taxes. Don't get me started. Let me put it this way go on amazon price at desk lamp or computer Double that cost and add about 25 for shipping and that's what'll cost you to get that very same item

[18:33] At a department store here in urugway You know, it used to be urugway had one thing going for it above all other countries marijuana was legal But now everyone's jumping on that bandwagon. So the country's just another latin hive of socialism Then I got this email a while back from a german named eddic He says johnny at least here and he's living in nikka ragu he said I can solve personal bureaucratic problems with the government here that I could never solve in my home country of germany in germany You've got a faceless bureaucracy You never learn who the guy girl or department is that lost or screwed up your paperwork He said it once took me three months to straighten out a passport problem in germany

[19:19] However, he says here in nikka ragu All you need is a smile someone that knows the language in around 50 or 100 bucks And you can solve almost any problem in an afternoon or less I find that observation wrong when people say latins are lazy and unmotivated You wouldn't believe how motivating a hundred bucks can be for someone who makes only three times that in a whole month Johnny i'm not saying it's good or right, but that's just the way it is By the way, the very first time you enter into a deal like that It scares the death out of you because you know, you go to jail for that kind of stuff in europe But like anything it gets easier and easier Then there's this little letter of complaint from laney. She lives in san salvador She says contrary to the failed state gangland reputation of l salvador

[20:06] I live in a very nice upscale gated garter community pay around 450 a month rent for a beautiful place I've been down here for a few years now working in the it business And because a few years back when I was in college I did a lot of backpacking through latin america and even worked for an NGO I have a lot of patience and I can tolerate a lot But there's one thing that bothers me and it keeps on bothering me I just can't get used to the fact that practically every business office building delivery truck and even delivery motorcycles have a uniform guard with a shotgun Yes, l salvador is the land of shotgun not that i've ever been in the presence of anyone who's actually discharged one But you see him everywhere though. I have to admit i've never once seen a woman toting one

[20:51] The fact is I don't know if it's just a custom a latin macho thing A deterrent or even a requirement, but every business seems to have at least one guy hanging around with a big old shotgun All right, me johnny here again. Well, it's not just l salvador I'm telling you all latin america is just chock full of 12-gauge shotguns and most of them aren't loaded And I know that for a fact If you get a chance for a close-up look at one of those things Most of them are so worn banged and dinged up I doubt that many would even perform their function in the line of duty However, I have to admit when I first came down. I was pretty startled by all that too Especially seeing guys on motorcycles riding shotgun with shotguns However, almost everyone will admit that after being down here a couple of years

[21:36] Seeing things like people running red lights guys Just peeing like the world is their urinal and coca-cola truck drivers with shotguns Just doesn't seem to phase you after a while and how about this one from denny who's been living in a nice upscale condo complex in guatemala city And you know when you're in an upscale place that means you're paying probably more than four or five hundred bucks a month You should have nice cultured neighbors, right? At least you'd assume so based on the rent and the upscale cars they drive Denny did until he realized his downstairs neighbors and neighbors down the hall always seem to be talking or arguing at the top of their voices And the dogs everyone's got dogs and the music seemed to be going all the time He says johnny if you're gonna live in a complex of any kind doesn't matter how cheap or expensive

[22:26] Buy some earplugs or get out or fight fire with fire start banging the kitchen pans and turn up the stereo And you know johnny once you've signed a six month through a year contract. What you're gonna do you're stuck I'm told it's a cultural thing Seems latin people aren't much for peace and quiet supposed to be like that in all spanish-speaking countries And on weekends, man, it's like a college dorm party without the trash people stay up late I mean really late even at two or three in the morning when the streets are very quiet That won't last long because the owners of those crap cars and junky motorcycles like to play fast and furious games at night With all the chaotic daytime traffic. That's the only time they can put the pedal to the metal and they do So if you want peace and quiet, you're not gonna get it in a latin city. Not for long anyway

[23:15] Oh, and I should mention another driving hazard. I don't think you mentioned yet. Johnny beware of pedestrians That just bolt right out in front of you Yes, they have these things called pasarellas those would be overhead walkways But they could be blocks away from where a person actually wants to cross a busy highway So naturally they don't want to walk all that way who would so they just plan their move and wham Run right out into the street that includes people carrying huge packages and ladies dragon tiny kids behind them, too Yes, pedestrians are getting flattened all the time. So you really have to look out for that Then there's those friday and saturday night staggering drunks I've come across a few of those and man they scare the life out of you Then there's the kids playing soccer on the road and the occasional funeral march right down the center of the road

[24:02] So needless to say you don't want to be on your phone or text messaging while driving And if it's at night, man, good luck with that All right. So we all complain a little that's human nature And of course, there are those people when you see them coming towards you, you know, they're gonna be a downer They're gonna start complaining. In fact, there are a lot of people who complain no matter where they are You know the kind of people you spot in the grocery store aisle and you make a beeline out of there before they see you I've been there Hmm. I wonder if people do that when they see me So back to the idea of having a lot of time on your hands What are you going to be doing when you have all that free time? Well probably going to be dead bored for a while till you find your niche could be painting sculpting Tennis gulf writing the great un-american novel or collecting international airline vomit bags

[24:50] Who knows so you will have to occupy that time and for some that could be getting wasted at the bars or boozed out on the beach Always a popular option, especially with young gringo males on the tourist trail Speaking of landing on the gringo tourist trail just when you think by moving down You've escaped a lot of the crap bull you have but not all of it Some people haul their psychological baggage down with them, too Which brings us to this ad a shrink has found his niche in ecuador The subject line which is supposed to hook you says this in english What happens when the reality of living abroad is not what we expected? Doctor and I won't say his name can help for expats The anticipation of living in new countries involves hopeful dreams of what it could be like

[25:36] All of us want this new experience to be fulfilling and citing But what happens when the reality of living abroad is not what we expected The shock of realizing that our new life falls short of what we had anticipated can raise serious doubts in our minds Our confidence in the future is undermined especially while dealing with the unexpected difficult changes and challenges Self-doubt sets in and our stress level grows things can get worse over time These fears develop into states of anxiety feelings of being overwhelmed and even depression Then it says doctor and I won't say his name can help Of course, he's a first world gringo shrink with gringo credentials But is that what we came down to latin america for to find a freaking shrink? And i'm sure at gringo prices too. All right, excuse me if I sound a bit crass here, but

[26:26] What the I say boot him out on his ass Isn't that one of the big reasons you left the u.s In the first place to lower your stress and ditch big pharma parasites like that Now sure you come down to a new place and you feel dislocated might take you six months or a year to get in your groove That happens to all of us And after that time if you're not in better health and in better spirits than you ever were then you know what? You don't need to go to a shrink down here. You need to go back to cleveland Nothing's gonna work for you, man You're what they call down here cows up bardita means you're a lost cause Oh, but if you decide to live in a heavily gringoized area like quenca equator or costa rica panama Cancun or any of the popular gringo havens in mexico

[27:14] Isn't it nice to know you can bring all your problems with you and hook up with a first world shrink That's what you get when you're on the tourist trail Oh, and isn't it wonderful to know all those prescription psychotropic drugs are available down here, too And doesn't it give you a warm feeling to know that a gringo shrink living right on a tourist trail can prescribe them for you South of the border This is the expat files living in latin america If you want me to help you out with your own plan b just schedule a one-on-one consult Send me an email the expat files at gmail.com And if you want to learn how to move forward with your own plan b from right up there in the states go to www.expatplanb.com and check out my three videos. See ya nos vemos