#695 – The Expat Files: Life in Latin America – Social Media, Earthquakes, and Bureaucracy

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border, down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came out to play And now that I wonder Hello there all you expat wannabes I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to The Expat Files, living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live, work, play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good, the bad, the ugly and the great And it's all right here so let's get started Alright a lot of things to get to today First let's talk about social media networking here in Latin America Because for Latinos anyway it's much different than it is for Americans who are addicted to social media Oh yeah, down here south of the border they're addicted alright but in a different way

[00:49] Now it's been estimated that only about 20% of Latin Americans have consistent internet in their home Yet nearly 100% of Latins have cell phones It's also been estimated by the biggest internet company in Latin America, Claro Which is also a cell phone company and cable, TV and satellite company too Owned by that disgusting Latin George Soros clone, Mexican fat boy Carlos Sim Well as it turns out just like in the rest of the world Latin people just love their cell phones Yet it's been estimated only about 15 to 20% of Latinos are on Facebook and Twitter At least checking it on a daily basis So who's in that group? Well upper middle class and wealthy Latins and their entitled children of course Fat ass government bureaucrats and slugs with desk jobs

[01:34] As well as most every high school and college kid attending a private school And all Latin college students whether going to a private or public university You see for Latin university students it's a must have, there's a lot of peer pressure there Even if you attend public university take the chicken bus and can't even afford books You'll spend your last centavo on an internet telephone plan So that's the basic social networking makeup of all Latin America So then what about the other 80% of Latin Americans who are not using Facebook and Twitter on a daily basis Since the majority of them have very low end smartphones or very smart dumb phones Now does that make sense? Well it does to me Anyway speaking over a traditional phone line it costs money Though not when you're calling from one phone company's service to another like Claro to Claro or Tigo to Tigo

[02:25] But if you call let's say from Claro to Movistar or Tigo it could cost you up to 10 cents a minute For Latins really expensive just to report on the emergence of your latest adolescent pimple or bowel movement at Taco Bell That's what Facebook and Twitter are for right? So what you have is the middle lower class and poor 80% of Latin Americans on burner phones or upscale burner phones Unable to afford or qualify for a monthly payment phone contract So suddenly about two years ago they discovered what's up And it's gone viral because they can talk to their friends text and send photos virtually for free And talking about going viral man that what's up is everywhere here Even shoeshied boys cleaning ladies and indigenous coffee pickers on the boonies use what's up

[03:12] Well I take that back it's the children of the indigenous coffee pickers that are using it What I'm saying is what's up's become an addiction and why? 80% of Latins use it exclusively instead of Twitter and Facebook So what about anonymity? Well Latins don't care about that Never met one who did Since here in Latin America big brother is not alive and well There's no obvious loss of rights privacy or otherwise And there's no urgency for them to even think about it However that innocence or ignorance comes at a price Every Latin person I know will give up his debts and personal info To any pop-up window that offers a chance at a free pizza Alright so if you're coming down to Latin America And you're mingling in any way at all with the locals and you exchange info

[03:58] You're gonna hear give me your what's up That's how they're gonna communicate you if they're the ones initiating the call Of course if you're initiating the call doesn't matter Since it's on your dime But when they're calling they're counting down every cent double Oh and before what's up well it was all about text messaging And believe me Latins became the masters of it Of course there is some text messaging still going on But it's vastly diminished compared to a couple years ago Now as far as the upper 20% of Latins who do use Twitter, Facebook and the other anti-social media sites Because that's what they are you know By the way you probably guessed I'm not on what's up Anyway within that 20% that's totally media nuts with Twitter and Facebook There are now actual Spanish words in the vernacular

[04:44] For people who are addicted to those things So when someone's addicted to Twitter they're called a Twittero If someone's addicted to Facebook they're called a Facebookero I'm not kidding these are brand new words that people use all the time Twittero if you're addicted to Twitter and Facebook And if you're addicted to Facebook That's the same kind of suffix or ending used to describe people Who are addicted to novellas that's soap operas They're called novelleros Sheesh What a revolt and development huh? Alright moving on While you've got those devastating hurricanes whipping through We've got our earthquakes Of course you've heard and probably have seen a lot about The devastating 7.1 Mexico City earthquake 250 deaths and counting Lots and lots of rubble and destruction

[05:29] But again being an engineer I look at the devastation and the report you see on TV and such With a different sort of critical eye While most are looking at the rescue efforts and the wounded I'm looking at how the buildings that fell were constructed Now don't you think it's quite odd that many Many of the buildings that came tumbling down were Government buildings Now why do you think that happened? Was it fate? Bad luck? Well you know you can draw an easy conclusion Government contracts Now in the construction world Where do you think the greatest amount of skimming, corruption and graft might occur? With government contracts That would be buildings and roads of course So what you get is a weaker cement mix Less metal rebar structural support

[06:16] Just general skimping and corner cutting everywhere Which is why when I saw all that damage to government buildings I noticed there was almost no twisted rebar sticking out anywhere And you know modern anti-seismic construction methods dictate There should be a dense internal crisscrossing of rebar Practically everywhere embedded within the concrete But rebar is one of the most expensive parts of the job too And why government contractors will skimp on it all the time What do you think contractors put that stuff in for? To hold concrete together if there's any cracks or twisting Of course even reinforced structures like that Will get some hairline cracks and fissures during a big quake But they're not going to crack wide open break apart and collapse However some buildings did just that You saw it on the news

[07:02] Pretty spectacular huh? Of course a lot of badly built residential adobe structures went down too As mentioned in a previous show Adobe does not have any rebar at all Adobe bricks are basically sun fired clay, mud and straw Oh and there is some footage of a lot of Mexican parking structures Collapsing too And many of those parking lots you guessed it Were incorporated in government buildings Alright you got it You get the idea Just like up in the states governments aren't good at anything Except spending money But just one last thing I'm seeing on the TV and in the newspapers and stuff All kinds of pleadings for your donations and help I'm not saying don't do it Not to help Just remember if you do At least 50% of your money

[07:48] Probably 80% is going to get stolen Again the only way to help people in need in Latin America Or anywhere in what they call the developing world Is to hand it directly to the people in need You give it to an agency or a middle man it's going to get skimmed That's pretty much a given Look at the Clinton Foundation It's been estimated now of all the hundreds of millions of dollars donated to help Haiti After their huge seven point earthquake in 2010 Less than 5% of all the donations went to the Haitian people The rest stolen and skimmed Then again we're talking about the Clintons A normal crooked charity will only skim maybe 80% The Clintons being over achievers stole 95 Anyway lots of very big earthquakes here in Latin America lately

[08:33] And every single building built to first world seismic codes survived nicely However as you probably know We're at the very end in fact at the pin popping point Of a huge middle and upper middle class real estate bubble It seems all Latin cities large and small have all kinds of construction projects going on right now The result will be that many of them will never get finished They'll be abandoned For example in Guatemala City Two million population they've got 25 distinct zones And just recently I was reading in one of the Latin trade papers That in just one of those 25 zones Zone 10 Building permits have been taken out and approved For seven new commercial and residential high-end high-rise towers

[09:19] Each from 10 to 40 stories high Meanwhile there are many new high-end residential projects And high-rise towers throughout the city That have almost no lights on at night Meaning they're unsold Something's very wrong with that picture But there's more Get this just a few days ago Right after the big Mexico City earthquake I was talking to a highly educated Latin professional guy Who has been living for four or five years now In one of those newer residential towers On the seventh floor It's a high-end place First world anti-seismic construction all the way And when I asked him what it felt like To be on the seventh floor During the last big Guatemalan earthquake Just a couple weeks ago He just shook his head and rolled his eyes By the way you probably heard me talk about that earthquake

[10:07] On last week's show, right? Now that condo he lives in on the seventh floor With his wife and kids He owns it Yet he said I'm looking to move out of the city limits Get a little land Build something or buy something No more than two stories high I said good move I'd never want to live in a high-rise myself Not an earthquake country He said I don't know what I was thinking When I bought this place But my wife fell in love with it Then I said I bet there's a hell of a lot of people Living in high-rises Who are thinking the same thing you are Then he said yeah In fact I called up a few realtors To let them list my place And they said the same thing They were getting deluged with calls From high-rise condo owners Wanting to get out He sounded defeated when he said Yeah I'll probably lose my shirt on this place

[10:52] There won't be any takers Then I said you do know they're breaking ground For seven other high-rise developments In zone 10 you know And he happens to be in zone 10 Then he said no Really? Then I'm really screwed I'm never going to be able to dump this place Unless he said I list it with Century 21 or Remax And they'll market it up in the States Yep I said you're probably right There are lots of clueless gringos up there Who don't know what the greater fool theory is Look at all the high-priced crap They've been buying in Costa Rica and Panama Then he said if it doesn't sell Maybe I'll make an Airbnb out of it And then we discussed the real estate bubble He didn't want to believe it before But he sure believes it now So the question is Will clueless gringos take the bait?

[11:38] Will they buy beautiful high-rise condos Derp cheap as they're dumped on the market? Would you? Hope not Well some already have Alright there you have it A little Latin American real estate and earthquake round up So am I the only podcast slash radio guy Telling the real truth about earthquakes And real estate down here? I think so and I know why Because the other expat International rags, bloggers, podcasters, whatever Are affiliated with real estate developers Or have some real estate to sell you themselves Oh yes they have their pet real estate projects They'll guide you in too I know who you are so don't deny it In fact I was invited to be interviewed On a pretty popular expat show not so long ago That was before the recent volley of earthquakes

[12:25] And near the end of the interview I pointed out a number of reasons why Latin America was in a huge real estate bubble Which got a few chuckles at first But I understand they didn't like my viewpoint About real estate because they themselves Were affiliated with real estate projects in Latin America Specifically Mexico Now I didn't know that but I found out later When they decided never to ask me back again Alright on a lighter and somewhat stranger note The other day I was sitting in my office Looking over the coffee fields Putting together another expat file show Plugging away And I heard the doorbell ring And you know when you're in a gated guarded community When the doorbell rings it's either The cleaning lady or maintenance guy Wanting to get in Or the garbage man

[13:10] Or maybe it's the Fontanero That's the guy in charge of the water and the well Comes by once a month to give you your water bill Or it could be someone delivering something you ordered Or just a plain old visitor someone you know But in that case you'll always get a phone call first Because they'll check in at the guard station And he'll phone you up and say So and so is outside Should I let him in? And you say yes or no But there was no such call And the cleaning lady and the maintenance guy Were already here so I figured The guard or the garbage man The only other two people The guard doesn't give me a heads up on Because they can automatically come in They've got permission Anyway I checked the monitor for the cam at the front door And lo and behold By God it looked like I was gonna get saved There were two Mormons standing there Like shoes, socks, and shorts

[13:57] They come in pairs you know Yep they were the usual Mormon suspects for Latin America One extremely tall, white-skinned, light-haired, stereotypical gringo The other a short, dark, black-haired Latino Certainly in training Now this was a first and highly unusual Had they get past the security gate And why are they at my door? So I phoned up the guard and said What's up? What are these mormones doing here? He said well they asked to see the gringo And one of them was a gringo himself So the guard filled in the blanks Figuring they were asking for me Because I was the only gringo around Which looking back seems like a very good ploy To get into a gated, guarded community If you're not invited Even if you're on a soul-saving mission Now that wouldn't work in upscale communities

[14:43] In Costa Rica, Panama, parts of Mexico Too many gringos, gringos everywhere But off the tourist trail That's a way in Sure us gringos and expats are rare But every upscale, gated, guarded community Has at least one gringo resident Or a European They're considered virtual gringos, you know So anyway the guard at the gate Was embarrassed I know he'll never do that again He said do you want me to get rid of him And I said nah, I'll take care of it So I went to the door and opened it And the first thing out of the gringo mormon's mouth was Hello sir Would you happen to have five minutes or so To join us in reading a couple of verses out of the bible? Then I walked over and grabbed the garden hose Which was a couple feet away Guess they thought I was going to spray them Because they cringed a bit, tightened up And went into that I'm going to get sprayed with water

[15:31] Defensive stance I guess those religious door to door types Get trained up for stuff like that Then I said to him And I got this from expat Eddie by the way So you want five minutes or so To read bible verses with me, huh? Well it's a deal as long as you've got five minutes or so To wash my car for me And I shoved the hose in his hand Then I said think of it as killing two birds with one stone Then there was silence A pregnant pause So I filled it by saying By the way, what's Tom Cruise like? Then the gringle guy said No, no, that's Scientology We're Mormons And that's when my two doorman's And Rottweiler showed up And man I wish I had got a photo To look on their faces then Needless to say he dropped the hose They started backing away and he said I can see you're busy so we'll be moving on

[16:17] Have a good day sir and make god bless Hmm I'll full polite those Mormons And that's a good thing And as they broke into a Pretty healthy power walk down the street I yelled out Say hello to John Travolta for me To which the gringle Mormon Turned around almost fell over his own feet And said That's Scientology We're Mormons Of course I knew that I was just f***ing with him By the way if they would have stuck around And washed my car which I highly doubt I was always meaning to ask one of those guys How they keep their shirts so nice Unblemished, crisp, and starched Because you know they trek through some Pretty grungy neighborhoods in the tropical Noonday sun I was thinking The next group that wanted five minutes Might not be up to washing cars

[17:02] But my cleaning lady could sure use Some pointers in the laundry department Alright we'll slam on the brakes here For a second just to say I get a lot of emails From people asking me For some tips on how to maneuver their way Through the Latin bureaucratic red tape machine And you know almost all the emails of that type Are from people who speak some Spanish And therefore are under the impression They can do it themselves So what are we talking about here? Residences, visas, driver's licenses Business permits, land purchases Buying cars, etc. Yep we'll have some good tips On how to handle those stifling Latin bureaucracies today But first let me grab a minute here To tell you about my January 2018 Expat insider seminar Again taking place in Central America In and around Guatemala

[17:49] Go to www.thenewexpat.com And once there You can hit the link and see the info The itinerary and the early bird discounts That are in effect right now If you really want to see with your own eyes What it's like to live, work, play and or retire Here in Latin America Come down to my January seminar And get six straight days Of drinking through the firehose However if you just can't make it down There is a great way to get your plan Be organized from right up there in the States By signing up for my nine hour Expat essentials course Just go to expatplanb.com And check out my free introductory video Now you've heard me mention That a lot of people do one on one Phone and Skype consultations with me Now why do you think they'd sign up for something like that? That's why you should download My phone consultation questionnaire

[18:35] Also to be found at www.thenewexpat.com website Have a look it's a great help in organizing Your own plan B list And finally don't forget if you do sign up For my January 2018 Expat Insiders seminar That automatically qualifies you For a one on one phone or Skype consult With me And it's free So how far are you long in your plan B? You gonna be alright when the supermarket shelves are empty? When the power goes down for days if not weeks? Got a nice safe well stocked place to go Are you gonna just dial 911 And wait for Clint Eastwood or maybe Barney Fife to show up? Would it make you happy to get carted off To some kind of stadium or barracks shelter? Well that's where a couple of hundred thousand hurricane victims have been hanging You know? Is that your plan B? Hope not Alright speaking about the tips you'll need

[19:21] In dealing with Latin bureaucracies Comes this email on that very subject This comes from Marlo a gringo expat Living in Ecuador Here's what he says and I'll add my two bits as we go along He says, dear Johnny Recently breathing a sigh of relief After running a bureaucratic gamut At an unnamed government agency in Ecuador I found out there are still more hurdles and hoops to jump through Why wasn't I told? I thought it was over I must admit for me A hundred percent gringo expat Luckily my wife is pretty good in Spanish Which greases the skids Sometimes The problem is you see Gringo and expat do it yourself types Just don't get it The so called official government information you read On gringo websites is not always accurate

[20:09] In fact taking that stuff as gospel I've chased my own tail many times Even if you do read Spanish And go to the official government websites Which are in Spanish At no time No matter what kind of bureaucratic task We were trying to accomplish Did we find complete and accurate information Posted online In either English or Spanish And forget about asking gringos or meat Or counting on what people say in those gringo blogs I'm not saying don't check them out But they can often send you down A bottomless rabbit hole as well Believe me I've been there In many of my save a buck gringo expat friends too Oh and it's a hundred percent true That Latin people are very very nice and helpful That includes personnel sitting around Twiddling their thumbs in Latin government positions too

[20:56] Yes they are generally very helpful And often when you're standing around in a government office Scratching your head Looking completely flummoxed Your gringo advantage does kick in And more than one government worker just might try to help Sometimes offering different opinions On what you should do Often sending you down another rabbit hole Though I can't tell you how many times we thought We had for example our visa information complete And we had to make two more trips Back to the government office to get things clarified And let me tell you If you're asked to give up your fingerprints A hundred and one things can go wrong So when going through that process Or any process that involves the government There's one word you have to keep repeating over and over again That's patience patience patience

[21:43] Now I'm not saying you can't go it on your own But don't even attempt it unless your Spanish is pretty good Even so I'd hardly recommend it Unless you have a friend or relative Who's a local Spanish speaker Still certainly you'll never get anything done on the first go around Be prepared to visit certain government offices Over and over again Patience patience patience And don't forget whatever paperwork and documents Are required they'll have to be translated into Spanish By what government people call a certified translator That would be one that's approved by the government It's not like up in the states where every postmaster And bank tellers and notary Latin American governments have created mountains of paperwork And it appears that only lawyers can be notaries here And if you're submitting paperwork from your home country

[22:30] They will generally have to be authenticated For some government documents This is straightforward but mostly not For example, FBI background checks are authenticated by the US State Department Government documents such as birth certificates And state background checks are authenticated by the state In which they are issued However, for some documents authentication is more difficult For example, many states will not authenticate a college diploma And you'll need that in some cases if you're applying for a teaching job However, if you have trouble getting different documents Authenticated in the states In many instances, this can be resolved by creating An affidavit certifying that you are of sound mind, etc. Although some people think just the act of moving to Latin America

[23:15] Means you are not of sound mind You then take this to a US attorney Who can notarize your signature on the affidavit Then send the whole thing to the authenticating agency in your state Who authenticate your attorney's signature as a legal notary I know it sounds crazy but that's the way it is As mentioned before, a lot of Americans come down Who know some Spanish and try to do it on their own It could be a visa, driver's license, work permit, whatever And certainly you can look online at government websites And do research on blogs like most people do But if you go that route, be prepared to be thoroughly confused Because there's all kinds of conflicting information out there As you might expect, Latin government websites are especially behind the times And provide often old and incomplete information

[24:03] And the blogs will attest at best To just the latest examples of gringos getting hung up Trying to do things on their own So if you go to the blogs, you'll see successes and failures But all you're going to find out is the latest experience by a gringo In a given government location Which may or may not be different in other government locations throughout the country That's the kind of thing that drives so many of us gringos nuts And what does it always boil down to? Money, saving a few bucks And do be aware that Latin legislators are always passing laws Just like in the US Creating even more paperwork, red tape, and making things tougher As a result, new official procedures are often rolled out at one agency and not others

[24:50] Then they're revised various times before they're finalized through other agencies Which is why it might take months and months before there is complete information on any government website And still, you can't count on it Which is why it's a good idea to have triplicate copies of everything And have a nice high definition scan of every single document you have Put on a flash drive to carry with you at all times in case You're asked by a government official after standing in line for an hour and a half To produce, for example, a black and white copy instead of a color one Yep, that's happened to me Luckily, there are any number of little photocopy places all around government buildings for just that sort of thing And next, don't be surprised if you're in the process of handing in some paperwork That you're asked by a government official to obtain a document or action from a second agency

[25:39] And when you get there, the government officials confuse or don't know what you're talking about Which will necessitate another trip back to the first government office to get that clarified Well, here's a tip If a government official tells you to go to a different building to get yet another piece of paperwork Be sure to get that first guy's name and phone number That way, when you're at the next government building and everyone's completely confused You can call that first idiot up and hand the phone over to the new idiot you're dealing with Let them work it out on your phone and your dime Sometimes that's the only way Which is why in the end, instead of trying to save 10, 20, 50, 100, even 500 bucks It's always better to go through an English-speaking Latin lawyer as your facilitator for all of this stuff

[26:27] And sometimes when you're sitting with gringos at a bar or an event There's just no end to the stories of people hitting brick walls when dealing with the bureaucracy Each crazy story topping the previous one Then, this happens every time, some blowhard gringo pops up and says You guys are full of it, I had no problem and I did it myself Saved 600 bucks too Well, I assure you there's certainly more to that story Maybe a Latina girlfriend or Latino roommate Or maybe it really was the luck of the Irish We all know someone like that, don't we? Which reminds me of my good old friend John Galt who came down here with not a lick of Spanish Every time he walked into a government office, some female worker would sense his predicament

[27:14] Take him by the hand and walk him right through it Yep, you guys in the States when you're in your 60s, you should be so lucky Though he did tell me, every last one of those ladies would do a very thorough wedding ring inspection Even looking for a fresh groove and caseed pulled a fast one and slipped it off South of the border This is The Expat Files, living in Latin America If you want me to help you out with your own Plan B, just schedule a one-on-one consult Send me an email at theexpatfiles at gmail.com And if you want to learn how to move forward with your own Plan B from right up there in the States Go to www.expatplanb.com and check out my three videos See ya, nos vemos