#688 – The Expat Files: Circumcision, Language, and Life in Latin America

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border, down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came up to play and now I wonder Hello there all you expat wannabes I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America the show that tells you just what it's like to live Work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started Hey, I got it. Let's talk about Circumcisions in Latin America got an email that says Johnny. What about circumcisions in Latin America, and that's it an email That said what about circumcisions in Latin America? How do you answer that happy to oblige ouch?

[00:48] Well, I can tell you what I know about circumcisions in the rest of the world Both Catholics and Jews generally get circumcised for religious reasons, of course, though. It's not without its dangers and casualties That's how a lot of Jews and Catholics got fingered by the Nazis in World War two Fingered wrong word choice. Sorry about that So down here in Latin America being that most Latin countries are 90% Catholic some even more And I mean extremely religious and Catholic that means they should follow all the norms and rules of their religion, right? But they don't well They do on Sunday anyway as statistics have pointed out Sundays a day when there are very few robberies and crimes That's something to keep in mind and as for circumcisions Yes, if you're born in a real hospital here in Latin America, and you happen to be Catholic or Jewish

[01:37] There is a ninety nine point nine percent chance that you will be circumcised upon parental request, of course However, since there are many more lower middle class and poor people here in Latin America Most of whom happen to be Catholic too. They're born in the home delivered by a lady called a Coma Drona That would be a midwife. Why? Well, because most of these people are very poor None of them have any kind of health insurance and a Coma Drona is dirt cheap In fact, I understand out in the Campo that would be in the boonies Coma Drona Will stay with a pregnant woman for however long her contractions take and all that for less than a hundred bucks And they're just on the scene to help with the delivery not to perform circumcisions now as far as cesarean births in Hospitals here in Latin America. The numbers are quite high just like up in the States always the easy way out

[02:27] You know, however at home or out in the Campo that some the boonies a Coma Drona can't do a cesarean That's doctor's work. So surprise surprise. There are almost no cesareans out in the Campo yet You rarely hear about complications or kids dying when a Coma Drona does to delivery now Isn't that odd and since Coma Drona's don't do? Circumcisions either which means probably three-quarters or more of Latin Catholics are not circumcised even though in the rest of the first world Probably ninety nine point nine percent of a mark So note down here if you happen to be in a men's locker room where all the boys hang out Of course, which could only happen I guess if it's high school gym class sports or you happen to be in prison You'll definitely be able to tell who's Catholic or Jewish, but you won't be able to tell who's not

[03:14] Does that make sense? So Lamont? That's the guy who wrote the email. They got this started What else do you want to know about? Circumcisions here in Latin America? Sorry, but that's about all I got for you man except to say of course that up in the first row There's a low-grade controversy going on about whether you should or you shouldn't and I've actually heard that some grown-up kids in the States have filed lawsuits against their parents because they've been circumcised Man, am I glad I am NOT living up there in big brother bizarro land now in Lamont's short email He never specified if he was talking about strictly male Circumcisions because you know in certain Muslim countries, they're big on female Circumcisions too what a bunch of medieval idiot morons, huh? Yep, that and honor killings and beheadings and all that

[04:01] Which brings up another thing. I just don't get somehow You don't see first world feminists and genderbenders picketing mosques and Middle Eastern embassies in first world countries to protest those Archaic practices now, do you meanwhile they'll take to the streets to protest anything else they deem as sexist, right? But the cruel and unusual Retarded attitude Muslims have toward women well feminists and genderbenders seem to ignore all that But you know what figures they give a complete pass to hagbag Hillary and predator bill I know I know this shows about Latin America, and I really do hate talking about politics in fact to me There's nothing more boring than politics Excepting rap hip-hop reggaeton reality shows and Latin American radio and TV and frankly

[04:50] I don't know which auditory poison is worse rap and hip-hop or the dumbed-down Latin version if that's even possible called You know I hate even saying the word Raggaeton yeah past the vomit bag, please now the other day I was sitting around with a couple of middle-class Latin American guys I spent an hour or so in the reception area of a tire store And you know that's my chance to pump these guys for info They're never gonna tell to a regular gringo mostly because the regular gringos down here Don't speak Spanish in a casual acquaintance is not about to open up to a person that doesn't speak their language In cases like that the most you'll get out of one of those guys is a buenos días or buenos tardes I mean come on how could it be any other way without an interpreter right?

[05:37] So then what about Latinas and Latinos you meet down here who do speak some English? Well I found to simplify things you could say they come in basically three types First group number one latins that are lucky enough at least in their minds anyway to live on or near the gringo tourist trail because they know if they learn just a little bit of English They can earn dollars instead of pesos, lampiras, colognes, quetzales, balbos, whatever And that can open up a world of opportunity for them They know that practically all the gringos on or near the gringo tourist trail don't speak Spanish And they know they have dollars to spend and they'll gravitate to any Latin person who speaks a little English Hey that's the way it's always been on any tourist trail anywhere in the world The guys who can communicate with the tourists in their language always seem to end up working for gringos and expats or in the tourist biz

[06:26] Making double or triple the local wage they were accustomed to getting Which can cause some problems within their own circle of friends and family Then there's that second category of Latinos that speak English That would be the upper middle class and wealthy Latin families who send their kids to helicopter schools which are totally bilingual That would be the one or two percent Note if you're around these kind of kids and you're paying attention They can be, except for their Latin looks, indistinguishable in behavior and attitude From your average pampered overindulged gringo kid up in the States Yep, the ultimate gringo wannabes And I'll tell you it's so black and white, so obvious down here in Latin America You just go to let's say a middle class Latin restaurant Or even one of those big open markets or middle class shopping mall There you'll see lower and middle class Latins with their kids

[07:13] And they're always so well behaved They don't make a fuss They don't make a scene if they can't have a toy or candy They're not tugging on daddy's pants Whining because they're bored and they want to go somewhere else They don't run around dodging people Playing games, sliding on their bellies across the floor However, if you're in an upscale Latin restaurant One that the average Latin person would never go to because it's too expensive Or in a Costco, Sears, or Walmart Also considered high end Places average in lower middle class Latins rarely shop Because they know other places Albeit in dingier areas that are much less expensive Talk about first world flashbacks I've seen it more than a few times myself Kids making a fuss saying I don't like this I want that Winding that they want to go home or somewhere else

[07:59] With their parents completely indulging them Meanwhile everyone else is minding their own business Just trying to shop or have a nice dinner And unfortunately gringos who come down here to Latin America permanently With their own kids always talk to talk But almost never walk the walk They keep indulging their own kids Because they feel they've dislocated them from society up in the States Now they have to make it up Or something on that order I've heard that excuse from many gringo parent And gringo parents, they're notorious for not following through When they make a threat Oh, I've heard them say they'll punish a kid By taking his smartphone away or limiting TV Netflix Grounding them, taking something away But they're mostly empty threats And kids soon realize that Here's a perfect example

[08:44] Couple weeks ago I was invited to a party at an expat gringo's house Was an afternoon affair People started showing up, mostly gringo couples With a few of them bringing their young kids No problem so far Now about a half an hour into the festivities I saw one gringo expat having a little argument with her hubby in the corner Then she walked up to the hostess of the party and says We're gonna leave We'll be back in about an hour We forgot something Then the hostess said Sure, but what is it? What do you need? She said get this Her three-year-old kid that she brought along Was absolutely bored to death Because they didn't bring his favorite toy Now I saw them walk through the front door The dad had a big basket full of toys that they brought along Oh, but as it turns out none of those were the kids' favorite toy

[09:32] Hey, I'm not kidding It was like deja vu all over again Visiting my relatives back up in Chicago Same sort of crap A room full of terribly indulgent parents Apparently being 2,000 miles from Chicago Is not enough to escape such things And at that moment I was thinking back to my own childhood Oh, I remember those days well If I were to wind in a gathering because I was bored Or tugged on my dad's pants because I wanted to get his attention And grabbing some candy or junk food off the shelf while we were shopping That would never fly And man, we were taught very young That unless it was a kid's party We weren't to make any kind of undue fuss around company Now if I was a bad kid they wouldn't slap me around They'd just ground me to my bedroom

[10:18] And the threats were not empty They were real I guess I'm showing my age again But those were the days where you didn't try hard to be friends with your kid If it worked out that way Well, okay But in the end you were the parent The authority figure You got the last word, not the kid Meanwhile, back at the barbecue The parents left for that kid's toy The rest of us who caught on to what was happening Just rolled our eyes So that's what you have to look forward to If you're going to live on or near the gringle tourist trail Now that's not to say all gringle parents Or parents of kids who go to helicopter schools Suck up to their own kids and let them walk all over them like that And it's not to say that spoiled entitled kids need to be slapped It's their parents that need to be slapped However, that's not my job

[11:05] Wish it was, but you can't have everything But where were we? Oh yeah, talking about the three types of Latin people who speak English You've got the ones that live on or near the gringo tourist trail And their motivation is the gringo dollar The upscale kids whose parents can afford truly bilingual helicopter schools And finally, number three There's those Latin people here who learned their English on the streets up in the states Got caught, deported, and now are back in their home country Anyway, I mentioned earlier If you speak Spanish with the locals Oftentimes you can get a really good feel of what's happening in the Latin community Not to mention, some Latins are real talkers And they'll tell you cheese mace Meaning gossip and rumors that are floating around And what's on the grapevine in the area For example, who likes to drink? Who's lazy? Who are the hardest workers in the neighborhood?

[11:52] The most trustworthy? The least trustworthy? Et cetera, et cetera Now it may sound petty But it's good stuff to know if you're going to be in that neighborhood And the fact is, most of us living on or near the gringo tourist trail Are never privy to the neighborhood's inside scoop regarding the locals Which is why when I read these gringo expat blogs Where they're coming from Mexico, Columbia, whatever Most of the time they're fairly oblivious to what's happening at the street level With the locals It stands to reason too that the more gringos have infiltrated the area The more the laid back traditional lifestyle of the locals is completely altered At first, of course, locals are ecstatic that the gringos have landed And brought culture and money to the area Though soon enough and it never fails those two devils Greed and envy rear their ugly heads

[12:40] No, not the latins having greed and envy for the gringos It's more like greed and envy that latins have towards each other When someone or other starts doing better financially than their neighbor All of a sudden Julio puts an addition on his house Buys a moto or a car In other words, he doesn't ride the chicken bus anymore Well, that's a big step up Unfortunately, latins love to shove that upward mobility stuff In the face of their friends and neighbors You've heard me say it a hundred times It's a very superficial society and it's all about the show So, bottom line, beware of expat gringo bloggers If those bloggers are living on or near the gringo tourist trail Especially if they're not fairly fluent in Spanish It's almost impossible for them to have an accurate beat

[13:26] On what's happening within the local latin community And you really need to know what's going on Not only in the gringo community But in the latin community Because you're just a guest living under your chosen latin country's rules Now, you might think you could pick up all kinds of good local information From a latino in the area that speaks English Maybe Though more than likely you'll get slanted responses from them too Predictably, accentuating the positive Like for example, when a local latin person who speaks English Is trying to sell you something like a car or a stereo or a tire Or a piece of real estate Chances are if he were to explain the same deal in Spanish It would come out a lot differently than when he explained it in English Like expat Eddie says When a latin person has gone through all that trouble to learn pretty good English

[14:14] It's already implied that they're extreme gringo files So, they'll want to be friends with you Because every latin person who speaks little English Wants to have a real gringo friend However, if you're speaking to a local latino in Spanish You're now in their comfort zone And it's much more likely that you'll get an honest and forthright dialogue going Instead of the usual superficial How are you? Where'd you from kind of dialogue you get with most latinos who speak a bit of English Like expat Eddie says And he's hired and fired a lot of latin workers He says If you want to really know what a latin person's thinking Ask them the questions in Spanish There's a lot to be said for that But I digress as usual Man, did I digress Anyway, I was sitting in a tire shop

[15:01] Talking to a couple of latin boys And I could tell by the cars they drove And the way they looked They were just slightly above latin middle class They probably made maybe 800 to a thousand bucks a month So, I sat down and grabbed that day's local latin newspaper I was reading the headline on the second page It said more or less in English The excessive dollars coming into Latin America from remissas You know, that would be money being sent from the states every month Is the main reason for the dollar's weakness in many latin countries Which brings me to a question that comes up a lot I'll come lately in the past couple years anyway So many latin countries have a pretty stable local currency against the dollar Meaning why aren't latin currencies inflating to nothing Like they traditionally have done

[15:48] At least in the 70s, 80s, and 90s With the big recent exception to that rule being, of course, Venezuela Whose currency now is about as good as toilet paper In fact, that's what it's being used for these days Really? I mean, really? And you know, before the millennium We were used to reading about latin countries having financial blowout after financial blowout Yep, back in the 70s, 80s, and 90s That was the M.O. for Brazil, Argentina, Mexico One big reason why people call latin American countries banana republics, right? But since the new millennium Most latin currencies have been holding their own against the U.S. funny money So why is that, you might ask? Are latin bank bureaucrats becoming more responsible and fiscally conservative?

[16:35] Fat chance of that Nope, it's just the same revolving door of malignant thieving Pussbags who've always held those positions It's just that suddenly latin america is a wash in U.S. dollars A combination of unprecedented amounts of remissas Combined with unprecedented amounts of drug money flown back to the homeland So you've got way too many dollars Piling up in the banks of countries that don't use the dollar as their local currency I know, sounds crazy, but it's true So we're all sitting there in the waiting room in the tire shop And I'm looking at this article And right next door, and I mean right next door in the strip mall Is a little western union cash window And from where we sat we could see the people coming and going Always aligned at least about three deep

[17:21] Then eventually one of the guys sitting in the tire shop said Kinda cynically Mira aviamente is el fin del mes Meaning look at that Obviously it's the end of the month Then another guy piped in and said kind of sarcastically Hmm remissas dienen suarte He was saying look they're picking up their remissas With his cynicism he was saying those lucky SOBs They're getting free money and I'm not So the floor was open the subject was remissas So I jumped in and said you know what I don't get it I've been reading in the paper for the last couple of months Ever since Trump's been in I said there are fewer Latinos crossing into the states And the job market up there sucks It's terrible In fact I've been hearing that some Latinos are actually leaving the states

[18:09] Afraid of getting caught even some of them are starting to move on to Canada Then I said again I don't get it With all that how is this possible? And I showed them the headline in the article of the paper I was reading You know the one that said there were unprecedented amounts of remissas Coming in from the states to Latin America Then I showed them the next headline under the title it said Remissas coming from the US are at an all-time high In fact they're 16.4% higher than they were during the same period last year Before Trump even took office Again I said I don't get it I'm stumped How is that possible? And sure enough one of those Latin boys in the tire shop straightened me out In Spanish of course because I'm way off the gringo tourist trail Oh but one of those guys did use his 10 or so words of English on me to break the ice

[18:58] By the way when you're off the gringo tourist trail that happens a lot He said those three magic words Where'd you from? To which I almost always say at divina Which means guess Which is also a rather good and fun icebreaker that keeps the conversation going And because you know I'm speaking Spanish And they're trying to get some hints from my accent Let's face it no matter how good your Spanish is you're gonna have an accent And then after they guessed wrong a few times I say Chicago And then you know they'll always say they have a relative in Minneapolis or Dubuque They'll say the name and want to know if I've ever met the guy Like you can swing a dead cat near every Latin guy who's living in the States Of course we've all heard stories about how the average American up north

[19:44] Is a complete idiot when it comes to world geography I'll tell you man you ain't seen nothing yet till you've given a Latino geography quiz Anyway in a nutshell here's what I picked up from those guys in the tire shop Who by the way all had friends and relatives living up in the States And I have to assume that most all of them were illegal because I found it a long time ago That people down here love to brag about their relatives up in the States And if they're legal in the States and have a green card They'll always slip that little piece of info into the conversation In fact they'll say my cousin Julio the Americano lives in Chicago or Tucson Etc etc However if they've got a relative in the States and they don't mention their legal status You have to assume they're illegals because Latins are so proud

[20:30] When one of the family up in the States finally gets his papers So then what did I learn from those Latin guys in the tire shop regarding remisses? Well for one thing and you probably knew this Latinos up in the States are terrified of Trump In fact they're even going so far as to be working on their own plan B Say what? Their own plan B? Of course that's not what they call it but that's sure what it looks like A large percentage of them and I'm talking about illegals now Are actively thinking about Canada And the millions of other Latinos with iffy status in the States are laying low That is not going out much and when they do go out it's with some trepidation In fact on the nightly TV news broadcasts here in Latin America You see fewer and fewer poster-toting Latino protesters out in the streets

[21:18] Whereas before Trump got elected it was quite different Illegals with protests on the streets and they were quite bold about it With some illegals even going so far as to bless Trump and the Republicans on camera Saying things like for example they have a God-given right To mobility regardless of government laws and borders And all of them pro-hagbag Hillary supporters But these days Latinos are afraid they're as nervous as hell And what that's done is caused hundreds of thousands even Millions of them to rethink their remissive strategy Now before Trump there was little fear of deportation Unless of course an illegal up in the States happened to get in trouble with the law For example drunk drive-in or worse And even then they go to a US court and did time in the US if convicted

[22:06] And as one of these guys told me when you get out in most cases you don't even get deported So as this guy said it's actually a rather easy way to remain in the States Commit a not too serious crime go to jail Get out on parole and now you're in the country by design Because you have to continuously report to your parole officer Now when I heard that guy explain this to me all the while I was thinking How'd he know that? But now Latinos in the States are anticipating the worst and are stepping it up on the remisses But to what effect? Well illegals in the States without papers Want to make sure they have a nest egg or at least a nicer house If they end up getting deported and sent back to their home countries Which makes sense So Latinos up in the States are afraid they're tightening their belts

[22:53] The result? Remisses on steroids Now earlier I said to these guys I just don't get it But they sure did and they said why don't you get it? Seems logical I said well that's because every single day in first world newspapers Television media outlets and such They keep telling us except for the US stock market The economy is in the dumpster They talk about how there's a hundred million adult Americans out of the workforce 50 million at least on some kind of government aid or welfare And you know what after about 30 seconds of trying to explain that to these guys I got the glazed eyeball looks That's when you know you've lost them for sure However one of those guys did have a comeback He said you say the economy up in Los Estados is bad Maybe for you gringos but not for us Latinos

[23:40] All the friends and relatives I know that one up there are working And they tell me if I go up there no problem They got a job for me too Then I asked him where do you get your international news from anyway? He said the local TV stations and CNN Latino Well that says it all right Which makes me wonder how many you listeners out there even knew there was a CNN Latino Yep it's CNN dumbed down and presented in Spanish If you can believe that's possible Yep I've checked it out and that's when I get the glazed eye look And that's why again I repeat you really have to know some Spanish To have the pulse of what's going on with the regular people here in Latin America Of course it's all good and fine to understand what's going on with the gringos in their communities

[24:26] More than that it really helps to know if the local natives are calm or restless Because you know as much as we try to reshape it it is their world not ours After all most of them are trying to or would give anything to live in the states Meanwhile we have the exact opposite mindset We want out and they just don't get it But still here in Latin America almost everywhere I'd say south of Mexico We're all considered valued guests Even when we've overstayed our welcome and heavily gringoize a place Like for example in Costa Rica and Panama Even locals who don't much like gringos and there aren't many of those Admit that they never wish to go back to the way things were before the gringos arrived Sure it all seems mildly schizophrenic but that's the way it is

[25:12] Nuff said about that As this show goes out number 688 man I can't believe it I promise that later next week I'll have my Expat Insiders Seminar sign up sheet available at www.thenewexpat.com And for all you listeners who are on my early bird sign up list You'll get the info and sign up sheet right to your email box About a week before everyone else gets it And don't forget if you can't get boots on the ground here in Latin America yet Or can't get down to my January 2018 Expat Insiders Seminar You owe it to yourself to sign up for my 9 hour Expat Essentials course It'll really get you motivated and point you in the right direction with your own plan B So do check it out at www.expatplanb.com You won't regret it And finally it's worth mentioning that there are people who are stuck or hung up

[26:00] In various stages of their own plan B Which is why I make myself available to do one-on-one Skype or phone consults To get started with that just download my questionnaire form At www.thenewexpat.com Have a look the questions and statements on that form are sure to get the wheels turning Oh and there is one last thing Emails keep trickling in saying stuff like Johnny Thank you so much for keeping us informed about and repeating over and over the word Bitcoin In fact looking back I first mentioned Bitcoin around two and a half years ago When it was hovering around 175 bucks And you know it's gratifying to know that a lot of you people out there jumped in early and wow Oh and by the way I often get emails of the negative sort about Bitcoin too

[26:48] Though not quite what you might think For example yesterday I got an email from a guy who said Johnny I can't turn on my smartphone look at the TV or go anywhere without hearing the word Bitcoin And to me he said it's like the Chinese water torture Why? Because I was all ready to buy in when Bitcoin was 250 bucks I was all set to put five grand in when my wife said nope We're going on that Italian vacation you promised me first Well you know Johnny we went to Italy for two weeks spent five grand Had a good time and all except that 20 Bitcoins that five grand was supposed to purchase Would now be worth over a hundred thousand bucks Like I said Johnny it's the Chinese water torture This is the Expat Files living in Latin America

[27:38] If you want me to help you out with your own Plan B Just schedule a one-on-one consult Send me an email at expatfiles at gmail.com And if you want to learn how to move forward with your own Plan B From right up there in the states Go to www.expatplanb.com and check out my three videos See ya! Nos vemos