#679 – The Expat Files: Navigating Bathroom Etiquette, Water Challenges, and Government Contracts in Latin America

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came up to play and now I wonder Hello there all you expat wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here So let's get started hate to start this episode out on kind of a brackish note But a gringo came up to me the other day and he said, you know Johnny I just love Latin America, but there are some things I really don't like about it, too Some things I don't think I could ever get used to he said have Latin's never heard of the courtesy flush

[00:50] Well, we all know what that is, right? Again quote courtesy flush means exactly what it says when you go to the restroom You don't want to have any surprises and you don't want to give the next guy any surprises either But you know that gringo his name is Greg. By the way was absolutely right Let's don't know what a courtesy flush is in fact Even if your Spanish is pretty good and you try to translate the concept for them You'll get a deer in the headlights look from all social classes of Latin that includes Disposally kind of gringo eyes upper middle classes and wealthy now You might think it's the fault of Latin men like I mentioned in the last show They feel the whole world is their urinal. So why should they care about any bathroom etiquette at all? Though I'd like to blame Latin macho men for this faux pas

[01:36] But in this case, it's not true The real reason is that at least 90% of the families in Latin America don't have water 24 7 You've heard me say this on past shows a lot of them only have it 8 or 10 hours a day Of course, we're talking about city water municipal water That's where the vast majority of Latin households and families get theirs and in those hours where it is flowing It's no great shakes Let me tell you and it can be quite mucky looking you'd never want to drink it straight from the tap God No, and often like an old geezer with prostate problems. It comes out at such low volume and pressure It seems like it takes hours to make any headway. No pun intended Hmm. So in the end I'd say at least half the water problem in Latin America is due to the idiot mental midgets at the water

[02:23] Utilities because you know and I've said this before it's been determined that half of the water coming from the main Municipal wells is lost due to bad plumbing So half the water problem in the city is due to the large-ass government idiots in charge the other half due to third world plumbing Construction techniques that means undersized pipes bad connections, etc Unfortunately, if you don't happen to be living in a fairly new subdivision and you're on municipal water You'll have the same kind of problems too That's the history and legacy of Latin America and why it's universal that Latin households are very Careful in the use of their water. So as for that question have Latins not heard of the courtesy flush Well in some cases, especially in the poor and lower middle class sections of Latin towns They're lucky to get the first flush in their so-called utility flush

[03:12] In fact just a couple weeks ago I was going through one of the El Salvador land borders and since I'm a gringo The world is not my urinal. So I asked an official at the border control station where the public bathroom was He said it's over there, but it's out of service, which is part for the course After all we're talking about government here and you know after hearing that same response so many times Sometimes I'll ask the question if the restrooms out of order. Where do you do it then? Well, I know the answer if it's a Latin guy the world is his urinal Which is why if you ever caught in that situation It's always better to ask a Latin lady because she'll actually know where a bathroom is one that works Kinda, so I asked a lady worker at that border station and she pointed down the street to a row of scruffy Rundown tiendas and mom-and-pop fly infested eateries by the way in most of middle and lower middle class Latin America

[04:05] Two skinny dogs begging and a couple of rusted tables on a sidewalk makes a restaurant, you know Yep, this was your typical dirty dusty grimy one-horse border town There are a thousand just like it all through Latin America, but where was I? Oh, yeah I asked the lady border crossing guard about the bathroom She said there was a private banyo you could use over there and she pointed down the street And you know anything private in Latin America is a hundred times better than public that goes for up in the states, too So I walked over saw a crooked sign posted at one of those tienes said banyos with an arrow around the back So I made my way around the back to a kind of a dilapidated open-air garage where there were a few stalls Bucked up to a lady breastfeeding a kid at a little table and she had little stacks of toilet paper

[04:50] Probably six little piles lined up each one had about four sheets of brown prison-grade toilet paper in them I handed her 10 cents like the sign said, you know, El Salvador uses US dollars So anyway, you give her 10 cents. She gives you a stack of TP and you're off to the races Bad choice of words, right? By the way, I'd like to meet the guy that said 10 cents won't buy you crap these days. Ouch. Sorry I couldn't resist So anyway, there I was in a very very rustic kind of 1940s style outhouse bathroom Now I have to warn you especially ladies you have to be prepared. There are a lot of terrible bathrooms Just like that mostly out in the boonies also in poor and middle-class sections of most Latin towns And not surprisingly most of these setups don't have running water or it's very sporadic

[05:39] Though most of these rustic bathroom stations are plumbed for water There just won't be any and there won't be a sink either many times There'll be a 55 gallon drum of water alongside the stall That would be the so-called clean water that you'd use for a flush So you'll have this 55 gallon drum with a plastic bucket floating around in it That's there for you to do a utility flush after nature has called or you've done your duty dance Believe me You want to get it over in a hurry and for you delicate souls out there It's no time to breathe deeply or have a bashful kidney attack Oh and about washing your hands Well, if you're a chance taker you'll use that same plastic bucket dipped into the 55 gallon drum There might be some soap nearby use that if it's not too monged up

[06:28] Swish your hands a bit rinse and repeat if you dare and about wiping your hands Well one old latin farmer but ghetto once told me that's why mr. Strauss invented levis So that's the story on courtesy flushes and lack thereof here in latin america And some observations about land border crossings and why for ladies. Anyway, mcdonald's is your kind of place No, don't eat there. I'd never recommend that i'm talking about for the bathrooms I know what you're thinking way too much information on that subject But we do talk about the good the bad the ugly and the great and gonna be some ugly once in a while But do remember because you're a gringo you'll probably live in an upscale area A gated guarded community and a nice district and your bathroom or bathrooms will be very comfy private and first world all the way

[07:17] And most importantly you'll have plenty of water because gated guarded subdivisions have their own wells and do remember There's lots of upscale shopping in latin america now lots of first world franchises and strip malls business districts Corporate parks and all the newer ones built pretty much exactly the first world specifications In fact when you're there you think you're in Toledo and those joints whether you like them or not will have plenty of water too Their bathrooms will be first world all the way, but even so unless you're in a gringo infested area No courtesy flush. All right, no more bathroom stuff. I promise Moving on ran into another gringo friend who's been down here about six months now Hanging around off the gringo tourist trail trying to be just with spanish-speaking people doing the spanish immersion

[08:06] family thing trying to mix with local speakers anytime he can Because like he said and he's right about this What better way to size up the local business climate than to mingle with people especially the local latin businessman? Who just might end up being your competition if you decide to start a business? Anyway, now he's up to maybe a seven out of a ten on the spanish learning scale He explained to me he was able to kick up his spanish comprehension and vocabulary to another level By reading at least one spanish-language newspaper every day So there we were in a big latin city way off the gringo tourist trail at a coffee shop called cape barista No gringos inside. It's always like that off the trail, but since it's kind of a high-end place

[08:52] Competition for starbucks, which is right across the street by the way. It draws the latin money to crowd So yes, there were a few pudgy mushbrained bodyguards in the parking lot leaning on black SUVs and pretending that their earbuds actually work Now there were a few people in that place that looked a lot like gringos and gringos But they were just upscale light-skinned latinos and latinas You know, there are rarely any short dark latinos in the moneyed upscale latin crowd They're almost like royalty. They think they are anyway Funny how they always end up with marriage partners that are a bit lighter and taller than the average latino who takes the chicken bus In other words, they never hang out with hook up with or marry someone that looks like they're made or bodyguard

[09:40] All right. Where was I? Oh, yeah, my gringo buddy said johnny. You see that girl over there? I could have sworn she was a u.s Gringa I was at the counter paying he said and he overheard her say to a girlfriend Look at his blue eyes. She said that in spanish, of course Nevertheless a dead giveaway you're not in kansas or cleveland anymore Oh and just a little detour here talking about what latin's called Ojosclados, which can be blue eyes gray eyes or green eyes, you know, wherever you are in latin america I always recommend you check out the six or nine or ten o'clock local news You've heard me mention that before now that said I want you to hear this little story Just because there's a very subtle bit of classism Racism built into this newscast so to the uninitiated it won't mean anything

[10:27] But it says volumes about latin society Now if you watch the latin news on tv You'll see a lot of the same kind of stories you see in your own local news up in the states car accidents drug crimes crooked lawyers and judges Domestic violence natural disasters and once in a while you'll hear about a newborn baby stuffed into a garbage can or a dumpster That happens everywhere, right? But what i'm about to tell you I think can only happen in latin america So the other day the six o'clock news was on and there was another report of a newborn baby Abandoned in an alley in a crappy section of a latin tom you read about that stuff once in a while It's nothing new and it's not that it occurs any more often down here than it does up in cleveland But this time the on the scene reporter a woman said something that kind of threw me

[11:14] It was the first time I ever heard of a baby being abandoned like that where the reporter said the usual comments How sad it is that a mother would leave her baby like that Then she said even worse the baby had green eyes Now of course a statement like that would mean nothing to a first world gringo It's another comment by an on the scene third world reporter, right? But think about it What she's saying is a baby with green eyes that is any color except the usual brown or kind of black eyes You see a 99 percent of population down here that a mother abandoning a baby with green eyes was even a bigger sin than usual Which says volumes about the latin society now, doesn't it? Ponder that for a moment while I get back to the main line of the story here the gringo

[12:00] I met at that upscale coffee shop Which by the way beats the pan side of the starbucks across the street for about half the price Anyway, this guy said johnny I want to show you something and he dug in his pocket and he pulled out a page from The back section of the classified news of a big local latin newspaper He unfolded it and it was a list of all kinds of government contracts that were being posted in and up for a public bid For example, one was a contract offer bid on 4 000 chairs and desks for a primary public school Another for setting up a computer lab in a government university Another was a government contract offer bid on road maintenance a 30 kilometer section road way out in the boonies In fact, there must have been nine or ten government contracts listed there out for public bid

[12:49] Now if you read the fine print and it's all in spanish, of course You see that anyone could submit a bid if they fulfilled the list of stated requirements Like for example, you had to have been in business and incorporated for at least three consecutive years Plus you had to have successfully completed four different contracts of a hundred thousand dollars each in that period of time Etc, etc And you know after reading the fine print you'd have to conclude that this was real transparency in government Sure sounds good But you'd be wrong in that very same newspaper on the same day on the second page. There was an article stating that there was some 250 insider contracts that never went up for public bid given out to their friends relatives and cronies So big deal. That's nothing new goes on in the first world, too

[13:38] But the point is you see my gringle friend who just recently learned enough spanish to kind of sift through articles like that He said johnny look at this one and he pointed to a big government contract soliciting printing services It was a million plus dollar contract for posters pamphlets maps banner ads electronic road signs billboards and such It was a contract put out by that particular latin american country's tourist bureau He said johnny, you know I was in the printing business up in the states for 20 years I could bid on this and surely beat the pants off for the local supplier I said yeah greg no doubt you could sweep the floor with the local competition However, I don't think you heard some of my past shows where I mentioned It's not a very good idea to try to bid on any government contract or do any work for a latin government at all

[14:25] Why because they are such slow and bad payers and when the government changes hands during a new election Often the new group of lard ass malignants won't honor previous contracts. It's happened to me Then he said then well, why do they print the solicitations like this in the newspaper? I see them practically every day and I said well, that's because all latin governments have some sort of transparency legislation So they have to make it look like they're actually following the law So they run the ads soliciting bids putting out the disclaimers and such So bottom line unless you know someone deep within the government apparatus It'll be an exercise in beating your head against the wall But even after I said that I could tell he just Wasn't quite convinced now with this guy's newly found confidence now that he can actually understand and eavesdrop on people in spanish

[15:13] He was feeling the power of being totally bilingual and I know exactly what he was feeling at the moment He's thinking look. I know my spanish pretty good now. I think I could beat these guys at their own game I don't need a translator anymore. I don't need a local latin to be my partner. I'm a gringo, man. I'm first world I'm smarter than these guys and i'll prove it. But from my viewpoint, he just stepped into the danger zone Hey, i've seen that kind of gringo bluster and overconfidence many times and generally it does not end well But you know most gringos gringos and expats have come down are the adventurous chance taking type who don't always listen to good advice And want to do things their way Which is why so many smart gringos have setbacks lose money and have moments of cluelessness

[15:59] Hey, that reminds me of somebody sounds just like me All right That said bottom line you want to have as little as possible to do with governments any governments first world or lat Oh, and by the way later that night. I sent this guy some recent news from july 27 It's out of international living's favorite gringo hotspot quenca ecuador I sent it to him to prove my point and basically to slam home the idea that it's almost never a good idea To get a government contract. All right, i'll paraphrase this it says a united nation group takes a look at quenca's brand new tram That's basically a light rail commuter train Representatives from the united nations office for project services took a look at quenca ecuador's tanvia project tuesday One of their objectives is to identify infrastructure projects in developing countries like ecuador

[16:50] That'll benefit the local population and might be replicated in other developing countries and communities so UN committee representatives talk to city officials in quenca as well as engineers from alstom a french company that Manufactures the train and moving stock and the tracks and other hardware for the project so far so good, right? however meanwhile The four rivers consortium is demanding that the city of quenca pay 27 million us dollars for its losses in managing that tram Train construction. They walked off the job in early october 2016 Claiming the city of quenca had added work that wasn't in the original contract

[17:37] While the city of quenca says the consortium failed to meet deadlines and delivered substandard quality work So the project's been stalled for almost a year and the dispute has gone international. It will be mediated in a san diego chile court Furthermore unnamed sources close to the quenca city officials say if the city loses the case in san diego chile The 27 million dollars would put the city into default. All right, me johnny here again Let me tell you that kind of stuff happens all the time. You read it in every latin newspaper You don't hear about the small stuff involving 20 30 50 100 000 bucks. That's not newsworthy But those big million dollar contracts that are halted or stalled because the government didn't come through with a payment or two or ten

[18:23] If they get stiffed by the government and end up filing an international court What luck will you have if you have a government contract and they stiff you for the bill? So a word to the wise you may be brilliant in whatever niche you made your money in up in the states It's easy to come down here latin america and put that expertise to work by all means come down Compete with the local latins. You'll probably wipe the floor with them Many have it happens all the time, but don't get involved with the government So do read the local newspapers and check out all the local government contracts and tenders It's interesting and informational to read about that stuff After all if you're coming down to live in a particular latin country or city You want to know what the local government dickheads are up to right? After all what they do and don't do and what they steal and don't steal is gonna affect not only the locals

[19:12] But you too now upset about that. All right shifting gears again Here's something I promised I'd talk about can't remember who but I promised I'd talk about this Down here in latin america just like up in the states if you go into a big franchise like seers walmart best buy whatever Oftentimes when you're at the checkout counter paying cash, which is probably quite unusual these days You'll probably get some change some cash back usually cents on the dollar The cashier just might say would you like to donate the extra sense to so-and-so charity? You've heard that line before right and you usually do it because you know, what can you buy with 37 cents or whatever? Well as lag time would have it that's starting to show up down here too In fact in the last couple years a couple of the big food and chain stores are starting to do that now too And you know because this is latin america

[19:58] The cashiers are so polite and they give you a real sincere smile and you think hey Why not and it's always some charity that's supposed to help the poor indigenous children. Whatever Meanwhile a couple of times a year you'll see in the local newspapers a lot of the big local charities latin equivalents of the united way March of dimes and such have been outed the directors and administrators are living princely lives Lear jets beach houses four star hotels along with em bezel mint and outright theft Hey, just like in the u.s. Where there's 50 charities they give less than four percent of their income To the cause they purport which is one reason to start a charity these days, right? What's funny is you'll never see on the tv news one of those charities being outed as a bunch of scammers because They advertise on tv stations and they run their telethons on tv stations. So why would they bite the hand that feeds them, right?

[20:51] Meanwhile Back at the cashier counter i've been confronted a number of times by a smiling young lady asking me if I like to donate my 23 centavos to whatever charity and you know what i've been saying lately No, and you want to know why then I get the deer in the headlights Look my informer as nice as I can how most all big time charities are ripoffs and scams Sometimes if there's no one else behind me, I'll ask the cashier if she's read about the charity scams in the paper So far they've all replied in the negative and you know, most times they just don't believe it or don't want to believe it So then do they think i'm nuts for bringing such a thing up? I'm thinking she's kind of amused and she's thinking crazy gringos By the way, if your spanish is working and you're paying attention and you're off the gringo tourist trail

[21:39] You'll notice all the people in front of you will donate their sentavos to the cause So I just might be the only person who doesn't donate those sentavos So again the cashier and the people standing behind me in line because this is a conversation going on in spanish You know, i'm off the gringo tourist trail and they're watching and listening because it's something they've never seen before i'm sure They either think i'm a crazy gringo or heartless cheapskate Hypocrites most of them. I know how they treat their help their maids maintenance guys and gardeners Why do you think latin's love to work for gringos? You'll find out when you're looking for a maid cleaning lady gardener As soon as you put the word out you'll have more applicants than you can possibly handle Yep, you could say it's the gringo advantage again But the advantage is for the worker who's lucked into a job where the boss is a gringo

[22:29] Now i've just explained how I handle that situation. But what about you? Am I suggesting you do the same? Well, you have to decide that for yourself But if you're like me and you don't bite A thought's gonna pass through your mind for a second while you're standing in a line and everyone's looking at you You're gonna think why bother it's only a few centavos and they're a nuisance jangling around in your pockets But it's the principle of the thing. I kind of liken it to voting You know how so many people up in the states will say if you don't vote You don't have the right to complain to which I say if you do vote you're giving a thumbs up to a wicked destructive hopelessly compromised crooked and fixed system Then you hear so many americans say yeah, I voted it's a corrupt system. I know but I voted for the lesser of two evils Well, i'm sorry Evil is evil and I choose not to vote for any evil, but I digress as usual

[23:18] All right It's time to let you know that the lag time bubbles are starting to hit many sectors here in latin america Have a huge one in real estate. You have talked about that a number of times. There's another giant bubble That's about to burst involving credit and credit cards like up in the states Everyone's jacked completely up to the limit. By the way, here's an article that comes out of the biggest hondura newspaper It says just today now the parliament of honduras approved a reform. This is in spanish. So i'm translating Called lei de taretes de credito. It says it was proved unanimously by the honduran congress It says in a recent study over 600 000 honduran residents have credit cards and the average that's pro medio monthly interest rate for these 600 000 users is

[24:05] 69 percent a year and congress has just voted a mandate to drop at 20 points to 49 a year maximum that would apply to visa master card and department store and grocery store credit cards like sears and Costco walmart, etc By the way, it says in honduras the credit card companies have gotten together Get this to impose a charge of four dollars and twenty cents to eight dollars and forty cents If you don't use your credit card at least three times a month, did you ever hear such a thing? Well, maybe you have because I don't know what it's like up in the states with credit cards because I don't have one Let me repeat if you're in honduras and have a credit card issued in that country You pay between four dollars and twenty cents and eight dollars and forty cents a month

[24:51] If you haven't used your credit card at least three times in that month By the way more than half of latin american countries do exactly the same thing They penalize you if you don't use your credit card at least three times a month. We're talking about credit cards here Not debit cards. Oh and by the way honduras has a population of around eight and a half million people That means only one in 14 people have a credit card breaking it down farther Statistics show that one in six adults in honduras has a credit card Because unlike in the us in latin america kids don't have credit cards only adults and about half of the adults in honduras have a debit card mostly because That's the way most people working on the books get paid direct deposit So companies work deals with banks to issue debit cards to employees

[25:38] Which is the only way they can pull cash out of an atm machine Isn't it interesting how banks get poor latinists hooked on plastic yet? They don't use those debit cards to buy things they use them to get cash out of the atms Which leads us to a discussion on the cashless society here in latin america according to the same article 70 to 80 percent of the transactions done by adults and honduras is with cash And that's the way it is in most of the rest of latin america. That's off the gringo tourist trail That should give you an idea why a cashless society is not coming anytime soon to latin america On right below this credit card article. There are some facebook posts that have been printed Some public opinion comments and such anyway in the very first comment the guy says credit cards have ruined his life

[26:26] Surprised there, huh? And the second comment comes from a congressman who says and you have to laugh at this the reason why we all voted Unanimously to reduce the tariff 20 percentage points. We all have credit cards and the interest rates are killing us, too Hmm death by credit card. I kind of like that. All right We're getting towards the end of the show now Let me see if I could squeeze this little message into less than a minute If you're thinking about coming to my next expat insider seminar Which should be in january 2018 if the world doesn't implode by then just shoot me an email The expat file says gmail.com and i'll put you on the early bird list However, if you can't get boots on the ground just yet or get to the seminar You need my expat essentials course. Just go to www.expatplanb.com check it out and finally if you're working on that plan b right now

[27:16] You might find you need a one-on-one phone call with me to go over your particulars because everyone's plan b is a little different Just go to www.thenewexpat.com and download my phone consult form You'll see questions and comments there that you might not have thought of before This is the expat files living in latin america If you want me to help you out with your own plan b just schedule a one-on-one consult Send me an email the expat files at gmail.com And if you want to learn how to move forward with your own plan b from right up there in the states go to www.expatplanb.com and check out my three videos. See ya nos vemos