Episode Summary
In this episode, Johnny Mueller delves into the cultural dynamics of relationships between gringos and Latinas, highlighting the significant number of emails he receives on the topic. He acknowledges that a third of these emails relate to love, romance, and cultural misunderstandings. Johnny notes that he has been receiving an overwhelming number of emails since a previous episode on the subject, including some from Latinas interested in understanding the gringo perspective.
He shares a letter from Roxana, a 30-something half Colombian half Honduran woman living in Colombia, who discusses the conservative nature of Latin America and the common practice of young women living with their parents or boyfriends, even with good jobs. Roxana also mentions the stereotype that Latin men are overly romantic but ultimately self-centered, and she addresses the perception that Latin women value foreign men for financial support and the myth of the 'Latin lover.' She references the book 'The Adventures of Don Juan' as contributing to this stereotype.
The segment also discusses the cultural and social dynamics between Latin men and women, focusing on dating behaviors, expectations, and economic realities. It highlights the differences in how Latin men and gringos (North Americans) approach relationships, including issues like spending habits, personal grooming, and career aspirations. The speaker notes the economic disparity between Latin and gringo men, the role of machismo in Latin culture, and the impact of foreign influence on Latin women's perspectives and aspirations.
Johnny reflects on his experiences with Latin men and the cultural differences he has observed. He notes that conversations with foreign men tend to be more universal and open, while Latin men often have a narrow vision of life, focusing on themselves and their neighborhoods. He discusses the expectations placed on women in Latin cultures, where men are often expected to handle domestic tasks, which is not common among Latin men. He highlights the contrast between Latin and gringo men, noting that while Latin men are good-looking and have a certain style, they often lack the maturity and understanding of relationships. Johnny also touches on the idea that gringo men are often more accepting of women's independence and equality, which is a significant factor in their appeal to Latin women.
In another segment, Johnny discusses the dynamics between gringos (typically North American expats) and Latin American women, particularly in urban areas. He highlights the economic and social realities of these relationships, noting that many Latin American women, especially in cities like Medellin, may engage in relationships with gringos for financial support, which he describes as a form of prostitution. He also touches on the superficial and materialistic nature of Latin American city life, where appearance and wealth are highly valued. Johnny further comments on the challenges gringos face in finding work in countries like Colombia due to high competition and the prevalence of gringo communities in places like Cuenca, Ecuador. He concludes by mentioning a personal question from a listener about his relationship status, which he declines to answer.
Finally, Johnny promotes his July 2017 expat insider seminar in and around Guatemala, encouraging listeners to register for the event. He highlights the opportunity to apply for permanent or temporary residency during the seminar, which can save the hassle of making a special trip later. Johnny also mentions the early bird discount for those who sign up before June 1st and the additional $500 per person fee after that date. He recommends the John Galt pre and post-seminar trips, especially for those interested in starting a business in Latin America, and mentions a special guest who is a top internet marketing specialist. Johnny also promotes his expat essentials course and one-on-one consults for those needing help with their plan B.
Topics
Cultural dynamics of dating and relationships between gringos and Latinas, Perceptions of Latin men and women in relationships, Cultural biases and stereotypes, The role of education and urban vs. rural differences in dating practices, The impact of conservative and Catholic values on dating and relationships, Cultural and social dynamics between Latin men and women, Dating behaviors and expectations, Economic disparities between Latin and gringo men, Machismo and its impact on relationships, Influence of foreign cultures on Latin women's aspirations, Cultural differences between Latin and gringo men, Expectations and roles in relationships
Chapters
00:00:00 Opening 00:00:06 Discussion on Dating and Relationships 00:00:14 Introduction of the Show and Its Focus 00:00:20 Overview of the Show's Content 00:00:26 Introduction of the Topic and Its Relevance 00:00:32 Recap of a Previous Episode 00:00:34 Discussion on Mating, Dating, and Romance 00:00:39 Introduction of the Topic and Its Relevance 00:07:19 The Disappointment of Backpackers and Gringos on Vacation 00:08:26 Economic Realities and Career Aspirations of Latin Men 00:12:04 Foreign Influence and New Aspirations for Latin Women 00:12:31 Conversations with Foreign Men vs. Latin Men 00:13:53 The Appeal of Gringo Men to Latin Women 00:18:57 The Legacy of Wealth and Power in Latin America 00:19:49 The Reality of Relationships and Prostitution in Latin Cities 00:24:11 The Gringo Communities and the Rise of 'Gringo Landia' 00:24:52 Promotion of the Expat Insider Seminar in Guatemala 00:24:58 How to Access Seminar Information and Early Bird Discount 00:25:24 Early Bird Discount and Pricing Details 00:25:41 Recommendation of John Galt Trips for Business Opportunities 00:26:17 Special Guest Presentation by Top Internet Marketing Specialist 00:26:43 Promotion of Expat Essentials Course and One-on-One Consults
Transcript
Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.
[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came up to play and now I wonder Hello there all you expat wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started Now y'all remember that a couple weeks ago I did a show about mating dating love romance and all that and how it pertains to Gringos and gringas here in Latin America Just a lot of information for a lot of different types of people Lonely hearts guys and gals with bad luck up in the States and just people who are curious and I also mentioned I don't want
[00:51] To make this show mating and dating for them It's certainly not bad, but it can't be ignored because probably a third of all the emails that I get have to do with the subjects Love romance sex mating dating how to handle relationships Latin formalities and other things You might not be aware of possible culture clashes the do's and don'ts when you're on a date or when you first meet someone I get dozens of different questions like that all the time. Well on that past show. I mentioned no more of it Not for a while. Anyway, however, I've been getting deluged never could say that word, right? Let's just say inundated ever since I did that show with emails I knew I would and some of them believe it or not are coming from latinas who listen to this show who to thunk, huh?
[01:37] Turns out they too want to know what us gringos and gringos are thinking They're looking for a non PC insight to our cultural biases and stuff In fact, they're asking me to give them equal time And you know what I have to give it to them because they have some very valid things to say I mean, don't you want to hear the latina viewpoint and obviously the latinas that listen to this show? No a bit of English. That means for sure. They've had some college now remember down here College is called University or la ooh for the letter you University a college or Coleyo is High school so gringos and gringos when you see the word Coleyo on a big old building Don't go looking for a date there because well just don't so anyway latinas
[02:23] Listen to this show too and more than a few of them have told me they listen to the show for two things number one To bone up on their English and to get a better grasp a better understanding of the English gringo gringa culture And I have to say every time I see an email come in from a latina I'm kind of hesitant to open it up because I always think they're gonna blast me for what I've been saying about them and their culture Because you know when you're honest, and you don't pull any punches sometimes It's not very kind and funny enough even though they've got their defense mechanisms up and their biases most of the time They actually agree with me how about that so man Are you ready for a sucker punch because here's a letter from a very smart latina that just kind of blew my socks off When I read it here goes and I call it a letter because it's not a simple small email
[03:08] It's a whole letter the kind people used to write when they used to use that service called snail mail funny enough This came in Spanish, and then she apparently ran it through Google Translate and sent me the English version, too It was pretty crappy, so I'll add it in paraphrase here and there do my best to make it seem fluent Okay, let's start with this one from Roxana, and she's a young Latina College educated who says here she only went to my jammy once and once to the Magic Kingdom Only once oh boy I guess that was a jab at me for saying that every latin's dream in life is to go to my jammy in Disneyland Or maybe not anyway She says Johnny. I'm a 30-something half Colombian half Honduran woman living in Colombia right now
[03:56] Unfortunately you are right and most of my friends are married or with children and 80% have kids by the time They were 25 even my friends with university degrees I said most of them not all the others live alone still with their parents even though they might have a good job Still the majority of them will live with their parents or some live with their boyfriends However being that Latin America is so conservative and Catholic It's still quite looked down on to live with your boyfriend if you're not married however It's becoming more and more common in the cosmopolitan centers that have colleges and universities in fact She said in small towns. You don't see it too much though. You will find people do lie They'll tell you they're married and they're really not that eliminates the questions the rumors and the second looks
[04:46] So do note that if a young Latin lady says she's married there is a chance She really isn't and funny enough for maybe it's not so funny But Latin men when they go out with their friends or when they're on their own will almost always say that they're single Even when they're not that's a subject for another time Johnny You mentioned on your show that Latin ladies seem to value Foreign men more than the local Latin guys and I can tell you that's mostly true They're valued by the Latin women here. Yes, of course for the money and the financial support they can give or more precisely They presumably have as Latin Americans believe Gringo's are rich that may be true, but it's a vast oversimplification But they're also valued because Latin men don't know how to treat or make love to a woman
[05:34] Beyond the pickup for what you call the courting phase now There is that myth of the Latin lover. Everyone's aware of that. I read the adventures of Don Juan, too It's required reading in Latin universities, you know, well that book unfortunately set that stereotype in stone Well, it's true. Latin men are very attentive and romantic during the conquest phase and inevitably it becomes all about them Now I'm not just talking about my own experience here. All my girlfriends have the same opinions It's an endless topic of conversation, especially among the college educated Latinas The truth is she says Latin men are like adolescent boys on both counts after the conquest phase
[06:21] Which can vary from an hour to a day to six months. We can always tell when that phase is over It's when he's spending more and more time with his buddies answering your calls after more and more rings Then they'll come a time when your boyfriend won't even put on a decent shirt when he's gonna take you out Oh and I might as well bring this up right here. Latin men really like to smell good They put on the clone and always overdo it whereas gringos tend to skimp on it unless us Latinas are just Used to being slightly overpowered. She says I find that gringos mostly tend to smell neutral Which is just fine unless that person happens to be a backpacker on the cheap Then they'll skimp on practically everything including showers and tips, which is embarrassing
[07:08] She says there are many reasons why us Latin ladies don't like backpackers most of them obvious With them we know exactly what we're gonna get besides being sometimes embarrassingly cheap You see what you get a transient person who only wants some fun in games on the cheap and Johnny for a lot of us Latinas McDonald's is not a dinner date in many ways. Our dating mating culture is very conservative Only what you might call the most liberated of us Latinas will pay for our own dinners on a date We still expect the guy to do that open enclosed doors and maybe buy some flowers too and expecting that from a gringo backpacker Well, don't hold your breath So good stable Latin girls pretty much avoid backpackers and don't get involved with gringos on vacation either the catchphrase there
[07:58] Promises promises they will lie to you But are strictly amateurs in that department compared to Latin men Everyone knows Latin men will eagerly cheat on girlfriends and wives any chance they get he'll cheat as you might say at the drop of a hat No matter how enthusiastically he kissed his wife or girlfriend Goodbye as he leaves the house and tells you how much he loves you now as for most Latin men No matter what country they live in They don't have a chance to earn a decent living a Latin man doesn't earn anything close to what the average Gringle man earns up in the United States because they're either doing what their parents did which is normally not much Or don't know how to create a business or career for themselves And there's another problem that stems from childhood Latin men dream of making it as a sports hero
[08:50] And when that pipe dream fades the next empty dream is making it to the USA And if somehow they make the passage there they lead a double life, too I don't know how Latin men can do it how they juggle that without a tremendous amount of stress in fact Johnny I just read a statistic that there are over 1 million Columbians in the United States right now and their average salary is not the US average but three-quarters of the median salary Surprisingly enough the only Latin culture to make the average American salary are the Cubans Anyhow Johnny when Latin men go out alone or out on the town with their friends They dress rather nicely most are very particular about their personal appearance Even lower-class Latin men spend an inordinate amount of time
[09:37] Spiffing themselves up before they go out the comedy nominator is when they go out They spend time with their friends at the bars drinking watching sports and of course talking up girls Doesn't matter if they've got a girlfriend or wife and kids back home even in the small towns You can find the men at the local grocery store Tienda hangout or bar every night. There's a game on if it's not sports It's checking out women, which is why the average Latin guy even the above average Latin guy It doesn't have much money left for the weekend to take his girlfriend or wife out to a decent restaurant where the volume of the Background music allows you to have an actual decent conversation that can be heard Which I guess is okay because there's not much to talk about to a guy who has no ambition in life
[10:23] Or life experience. That's something my girlfriends and I discuss all the time Do you think Latin women really want that kind of life? That's what we're used to do we want a man like that to be the father of our children? That's what we're used to that is until just the last few years North Americans are now trickling into Latin America not just for vacation either Suddenly we have options. I'm not saying we should all try to hook up with gringos But competition is a good thing and we can hope that Latin men will take the hint and straighten up though I'm not holding my breath not when there's 500 years of Macho culture in the genes and for you Latin guys out there Do you think the fact that your mommy's cater to your whims and treated you like babies your whole life?
[11:11] Including now because you probably still live at home. Do you think that helps you to impress women? We know what you expect of us. You expect us to cook your food clean your dishes and clothes Except your silly excuses when you come home late again and again You buy that macho jewelry and all that junk for your car and motorcycle that you never needed it in the first place and you Put it on plastic and this is to impress who not us women, but your own similarly retarded friends Whoa me Johnny here again. Sounds like she's been missed over by a few Latin guys, huh? By the way, she's a very hot-looking lady. That is if this is a real picture she sent A lot of that fake headshot stuff going around, huh? Then she goes on to say Johnny Did you know that to Latin women even the ones who are middle class or lower middle class who ride the chicken buses and make minimum wage?
[12:04] Foreigners that's you gringos and Europeans represent a new kind of adult world for them where people have interests careers plans for the future a drive to be better independence respect for other people Well most of the time anyway and add that to the fact that every time I've ever been out with a gringo or foreigner I've learned something new and I can't really say that about Latin guys I've been out with with foreigners It seems you get into conversation about things that are universal things that affect the world and with local Latin guys It's all about them and the neighborhood most have a very small vision of life now Johnny It's nice to be told you're attractive people say I'm an 8 out of a 10 and I have to thank Janex for that
[12:49] My mom was very beautiful, but now she's in her 50s and life has taken its toll Johnny I see photos of what 50 something North American ladies look like and many of them look 10 years younger than my mother and My mother was a beauty queen. That's what happens here when a husband can't afford a maid or a cleaning lady He expects you to wash iron make his bed cook his meals and clean up afterwards Johnny I've never met a Latin guy who would do any of that including my own father My uncle's and every other male in my family then rock Santa says there's this joke That's been going around since my grandmother's time Goes like this any Latin guy who knows how to cook something other than fried eggs or a steak on the grill is either a chef
[13:36] Or gay so again the foreigners we meet Represent an adult world that doesn't seem to be open to us with our own men It's certainly not true with every foreigner visiting Latin America But it's the belief that you come from a much wider more open perspective That's attractive to Latin women now on the positive side our Latin men are certainly good-looking They have a certain style of panache that gringos Just don't seem to have though I have to admit they're rather short compared to gringos Which is a big disadvantage because we Latinas do love our high heels the higher the better Oh and those Latin men they can dance they love it and that's good for some fun times when we're in our 20s
[14:22] However after that Latin guys somehow never grow up never learn how to build a real life or learn how to treat a woman Having a perpetual adolescent in the house one you have to pick up after all the time that gets old pretty fast Funny thing too how when we have our kids and our families men want us to stay thin and they hound us about it Well, it's no problem for them to load up on the tacos tortillas and fast food once they hit 30 They never regained their waistlines still they hound us about ours No wonder we just give up and give in and they use that as an excuse when they get caught cheating Yes, they have money for stadium tickets and Johnny Walker with their friends eat lunch at McDonald's or Burger King every day
[15:08] But when it comes to investing $40 a month for a gym membership for the wife. Well, that's way too expensive They say it's a luxury item not in the budget still some of us find a way Johnny if you've ever been curious as to what us 30 and 40 something Latinas talk about when we are at the health club It's not all about flirting with the hot young guys and trainers with the six-pack abs Well, there's some of that and of course, there's the usual girl talk However mixed in with that there's always one maybe two in the crowd lamenting the lopsided state of our Relationships with our Latin men We often ask ourselves why we keep forgiving them and why we keep making up excuses for their bad behavior
[15:54] Is it any wonder we hold a sort of fascination for gringo men? Then she says when I first get to talk to American women at my university about ten years ago They told me about their lives and how American men and women were very much 5050 and shared the money and the housework by the way Johnny Not all of us living down here can afford to have maids you talk about how gringos have maids and housekeepers Well, that's because they've got gringo incomes Anyway, when American women told me about the 5050 share the money housework and sharing what it takes to bring up kids I couldn't believe what they told me. It was like talking about women from another planet Latin men would never agree to that Well, that doesn't mean they wouldn't lie and say yes to set the hook in a relationship
[16:40] Especially if they find they have a chance to go out with an American lady But there will be some serious backsliding after that when I was at the University I became friends with a few first-world American ladies. That was strange Why because me and my friends grew up watching American films with the blonde blue-eyed beautiful unobtainable American woman now, I realized that the truth was not what I thought Women's liberation was a major hit for men in the US and they came to accept it Most not all because I've read a few articles and gringo men have informed me themselves Women's live in excess is what drives certain men here to Latin America I don't know how many American men come down because of bad relationships or divorces
[17:28] But I know the gringo men I have met the ones that aren't on vacation Say the same thing us Latin women really know how to take care of their men and it's true Our men are our priorities even when we have kids. It's our man. That's the priority sure We love our kids, but our men don't become number two or three on the list They remain at number one though. I don't want to get into that. It's another sticky subject All I can say is that it's true now for the sordid part about gringos sure It's easy for you to meet 20-something Latina cuties and there are many many of them out there But I should warn you you'll almost never see a gringo with a drop-dead gorgeous beauty queen with dark black hair down to her bum
[18:13] A 10 you see pictures like that on the internet hookup sites But gringos are usually out of the running with ladies like that. Why because 95% of all those women have some handsome guapo Latin boyfriend in the wings with money and chances are he has one of those magic Latin last names We all know so well here Gringos having a clue about the power and the importance of those names because their society is not structured classes in that way Here as you mentioned in a past show I think certain important and powerful family names own almost all the big cement beer coca-cola agricultural land for Generations back to the colonial times and now it's their kids who own the malls and the McDonald's and the Taco Bells, too
[19:05] Gringos have no chance with a Latin beauty who's got a boyfriend with a background like that Here's another warning Johnny if older gringos find a cute 20 something and they certainly can you can pretend You're having an adult relationship, but it's more like taking care of a teenager It must get expensive when you're paying for all those taxis food shoes sunglasses phones clothes and an extra forty to fifty dollars for doggy bags Every time you go to a restaurant and are coerced into taking some food back home for the rest of the family So she'll likely insist. I know the old gringo young latina thing works quite well for the girl It provides needed cash for rent food and the family, but it is a form of prostitution
[19:55] In regards to that the other thing to give in mind is that money and prostitution is a huge part of Latin big city culture Especially where there are plenty of gringos now like Bogota Cali Lima, Medellin Costa Rica Panama, etc, etc A very high percentage of women in cities like for example Medellin where I've lived for a long time Will sleep with guys for money and there are scores of older gringos who know this I'd say in big cosmopolitan Latin cities Anyway, where there are a lot of gringos and wealthy latin guys, too For every pretty middle-class girl who has a job and takes care of herself There's one pretty latina who's with a guy because he supplies the money and gives her a nicer lifestyle
[20:41] You see big city Latin American society is extremely superficial and materialistic If you think North America has a patent on that you're mistaken to keep up with the trends in the fashions And that's a superior goal Girls need extra money for all that and middle-class salaries Don't provide enough if you're a latina with a gringo boyfriend whether he's young or old You'll find the attitude of your friends will change rather quickly Soon your own longtime girlfriends will expect you to start picking up lunch and dinner tabs Assuming now that you're with a gringo you two are rich somehow Yep, you'll find your own friends will take advantage of you. Oh and at the beginning of this email. I mentioned Miami in Disney World well here's a tip if you're out with a latina especially if she's from Colombia or any big city in South America if there is a
[21:31] Communication problem or you're ever at a loss For something to talk about start mentioning the time you may have spent at Miami or Miami Beach latinas, especially Panamanian Costa Rican and Colombian latinas just love to talk and daydream about Miami They all think it's an absolute paradise I've seen latinas bored out of their minds Suddenly light up like a sparkler when someone mentions they've just been to Miami or are planning a trip there. Yes They're naive and they believe the hype from all those flashy American TV programs and now Latin soap operas are being created in Miami I know you've mentioned that on your show, too Which has certainly thrown gasoline on that fantasy flame in fact Johnny if you're in any big city in Colombia and get into a conversation
[22:22] About Miami you might be an American gringo and you may have been to Miami 10 or 20 times But I bet she knows more about that city than you will ever know Street names places to hang the best bars and discos It's amazing the knowledge they have even though most of them have never been there before and never will and about Prostitution here in Latin America. It's not as black and white as you might think it is and remember in most of Latin America It's legal. For example, all of Hugh Hefner's old girlfriends were hookers Nobody really says they're hookers outright on TV They're all just those nice girls next door who just happen to run around Topless and in string bikinis and lingerie all the time So Hugh is obviously on the extreme end of the hooker love continuum But isn't that every man's secret fantasy up in America? Now, here's a harsh statement. That's also true
[23:13] I hate to say it but what would be considered a poor American loser in the States a $35,000 a year truck driver or factory worker is a big winner here in Latin America The problem is they have to find a way to continuously make that kind of money once they're here in Latin America Or they won't be winners for long and some people have the idea to come down and teach English Specifically in Colombia places like Bogota Kali and Medellin There are way too many gringos here now making it the most competitive market for English teaching jobs that I can think of It's even becoming very difficult to start new businesses in Colombia Just wait too many gringos and too much gringo competition Like you've said that makes it hard to find any kind of work before you arrive
[24:00] So you'll have to come down with your own resources Oh, and did you know that there are so many gringos moving to Ecuador now that there's a district in Cuenca That's almost totally gringo iced even the businesses and street signs are in English. They call it gringo landia So if you're in or around Cuenca and you say where's gringo landia The locals will give you directions in a second so much for trying to blend in with the locals Like you always recommend Johnny. Hmm, by the way at the end of Roxana's massive letter She asked me are you single or attached? Because she says my friends and I have a little bet going. I guess that calls for another Hmm Anyway, I'm not telling. All right on that note. We're way overdue for a segue
[24:50] Let's see now. Oh, yeah I want to remind you there's still some spots left open for my July 2017 expat insider seminar in and around Guatemala You can go to www.thenewexpat.com and click on Johnny's seminar link for full information And you'll find out how to kill two birds with one stone That is apply for your permanent or temporary Guatemalan residency while you're down for the seminar that way you won't have to make a special trip down at a later date But you have to act fast you need about a month to get your paperwork together up in the States before you come down and Start to temporary your permanent residency process And if you do sign up for my seminar before June 1st, you'll still get the early bird discount And remember there's a thousand dollar discount if you come down as a couple double occupancy after that
[25:36] Starting June 1st will be $500 more per person, which is the regular price Also, do check out the famous John Galt pre and post seminar trips You can read all about them when you go to the signup information at triple dub dot the new expat dot com They're highly recommended especially if you plan on doing business here in Latin America I guarantee on those trips all kinds of business ideas and opportunities will dance through your head Just ask anyone who's been on one of those trips. It always happens like that So if part of your plan B includes starting a business here in Latin America Do sign up for one or both of the John Galt trips and remember this time We have a very special guest one of the top internet marketing specialists in the world is going to give us a presentation
[26:24] Some golden nuggets some tips on how to put together a successful internet business marketing and ad campaign He's a guy who's responsible for selling more than a hundred million dollars through Google Ads I'm looking forward to checking out what he's got to say myself And of course for those of you who just can't swing getting boots on the ground right now You should be taking my expat essentials course. Just go to www.expatplanb.com And get my three free introductory videos check it out. You won't be disappointed That's www.expatplanb.com and don't forget the www part I've been told if you don't put that in you can't get to the right place And finally when you're working out the particulars of your plan B
[27:10] You often find you need some help in putting the pieces of the puzzle together That's why I do one-on-one phone and Skype consults to get ready for that Just go to the new expat.com website and download my consult questionnaire form The questions on that list should help you narrow down some of your own plan B objectives. So check it out This is the expat files living in Latin America If you want me to help you out with your own plan B Just schedule a one-on-one consult send me an email the expat files at gmail.com And if you want to learn how to move forward with your own plan B from right up there in the States go to www.expatplanb.com and check out my three videos. See ya nos vemos