#647 – The Expat Files: Street Life, Gossip, and Language in Latin America

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border, down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came up to play and now I wonder Hello there all you expat wannabes I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here So let's get started one thing you'll notice when you've got boots on the ground down here in Latin America Especially when you're off the grangle with tourist trail. There are just tons of street performers, especially in the big cities I take that back most exclusively in the larger cities in the smaller towns

[00:46] You have people out on the street corners, but usually they just got the cup or the handout or they're trying to sell you something It's good that the vast majority are selling something and not begging Now, isn't it funny when you're off the gringo tourist trail There are a lot more people selling and when you're on the tourist trail, there are a lot more begging Hmm, for example, the most common items they sell are called dulces which literally translates to sweets or hard candies and the second most popular item would be Chickles or gum here in Latin America. There are dozens of varieties of chickles gum and dulces sweets So street vendors are selling what we used to call up in the states as kids penny candy So penny buys nothing up there anymore, but it still does here in Latin America. Just ask a local dentist

[01:35] He'll tell you now you've heard me say this before but I don't give beggars money for nothing And you know on certain busy street corners You might see a poor mother walking around with a couple of babies hanging on Holding out her hand or a cup and asking for dough and you know what? I don't give her any you might but I don't What a jerk that johnny guy is, huh? However, if she's got two babies hanging on and she's selling something that's a different story I don't care if it's a newspaper a bag of fruit some nuts, whatever I'll give my half a buck or a buck And a lot of times I don't even take what she's selling Now about those little guys that run up and try to clean your windshield you've got them in the states I'm sure well down here oftentimes. They're a little bit too aggressive In other words, they start cleaning your windshield before you give them the go-ahead when that happens

[02:22] I don't give them any money either. I have to be able to give them the knot first Sure, 90% of the time you don't need anybody to wash your windshield You've got your wipers with clean water in your fluid reservoir Whereas these little guys and gals are using dirty squeegees and gray water, but they're doing something They're not just standing there like slugs begging So sometimes i'll just hand them some change and move on And as far as handicap people and people with below room temperature iq is like george bush If they're selling something i'll buy it, but if they're just sticking their hand out Why is it always the withered hand? You know, it's exhibit your symptom time. That's why But what really irks me is when a guy's got let's say a withered leg And he rolls his pant leg all the way up to his crotch so he can milk some sympathy meaning dough

[03:13] Meanwhile most other latins with such defects aren't just standing around begging and they've got real jobs working at tienda Taco bell sounds something on the street Even burger king and mcdonald's are good about hiring people like that. Hey, I wouldn't eat that stuff myself But I applaud their hiring practices, which is why I don't give free money to people out there exhibiting their symptoms Though like I mentioned in the past show Some of these guys are pretty clever like the guy with a laminated pharmacy prescription on a chain hanging from his neck Now that guy had a thing going he was cleaning up whether it was real a scam or a con who knows But he did get an a for creativity and effort Wish I'd have thought of that and then there's that class of vagabonds on the streets You might call street performers now the stuff these kind of guys get away doing here in latin america

[04:01] You could never pull off up in the state Too many rules regs ordinances and permits and they enforce them up by you, too You know just on a typical day on any big street corner here in latin america You'll see acrobats and sword swallowers guys that blow fire from their tonsils all kinds of clowns and magicians In fact, I once saw a guy with a live python around his neck juggling fiery tennis balls Now that was weird and all of a sudden the next day he was gone Hmm, but today man today. I saw something i'd never seen before man Like now once in a while you see a real talented young sprite or I should say really coordinated young sprite Juggling machetes. Yep, that's something that really grabs everyone's attention

[04:46] And if you're at his spot at a busy intersection and happen to pull up real close Do check out the guy's hands and arms and you'll see it's not a skill You'll learn overnight a lot of blood sweat and scars till you get good at it And believe me some of these guys are so good. They could be in the cirque to so late Except for the fact they had the bad luck or bad karma of being born poor in the wrong country Anyway, just this morning. I'm driving through some bad city traffic Not a bad section of town we keep away from those remember Just a bad section of traffic and I noticed that somewhat familiar sight of machetes flying through the air Some guys out in the middle of the intersection flinging machetes and man, they're going up really high I'm thinking now that's something i've never seen before Usually those guys keep their machetes pretty close and tight so they don't get out of control. I imagine

[05:36] You know bystanders and cars and all that but man These were flying high then as I finally was able to work my way up to the intersection I saw why they were flying so high. They must have been going up 20 feet in the air Turns out the little guy flinging those things was on a very tall extended unicycle Juggling three even four machetes at a time talk about cirque de soleil material Man, if I was a wringling brothers or cirque de soleil scout, I'd assigned him in a second Yep, i'd be his manager and get 15 of them for life And i'd take out a huge insurance policy because you know what those aren't rubber swords he's using This isn't hollywood no tricks allowed only the real thing here So finally the traffic moved and it was right up to the intersection

[06:22] Then he jumped off his unicycle made the rounds through the cars passing the hat and believe me everyone he approached chipped in And that was the first in itself Most times with a regular street performer you get just a few takers Now you have to know that in big latin cities where the traffic really gets jammed up at stoplights and such They've always got one two or even three transit cops in uniform directing traffic Even though they're useless and don't need to be there at all They usually cause more problems and chaos than they solve pretty much All drivers have the same opinion of these guys In fact, when you look at the op-ed pieces in the local newspapers People are always writing in and complaining about these guys even sending incriminating photos of these guys on cell phones with their Thumbs up their butts while on the job stuffing their faces with tacos and tortillas at the local tienda

[07:11] Hmm. Did he say tacos and tortillas? Well, that's because they can't afford donuts Anyway, as I mentioned before if you tried that kind of street performing up in the states Well, first off you just couldn't do it You think for one minute there aren't a hundred ordinances against juggling knives or machetes or balls of fire Even if they clutch a juggling plastic water pistols, they'd haul you in and give you a big fine Because even where street performing is allowed you have to have permits I know that's true because back in chicago even 30 years ago or so Used to see the street performer guy. He did a robot act Remember way back when when that dance the robot was in I guess i'm showing my age Anyway, told me he had to buy not one but two street permits even way back then One general permit from the municipality and one permit for the corner or area. He was going to work

[08:02] Which is another lesson you learn when you're here in latin america down here There's a certain sense of freedom liberty and openness that only existed back in the states. I'd say prior to 1980 Now get this my brother up in chicago. He tells me street performers have to have those permits now And they also have to have a liability insurance policy They need that before they can even get the permits I'm sure that's for hospital coverage in case a clown stabs a bystander in the eye with a plastic mcdonald's fork, huh? Whoa So anyway when the sword juggling unicyclist came over to the car I gave him I think round a buck and he was overjoyed now Remember the average worker in a makila factory down here only makes about 10 to maybe 15 bucks a day

[08:48] So this guy was cleaning up making that every hour So once again practice talent and hard work pays off That is until he slices his nose off or pokes his own eye out That's always a possibility And if he pokes your eye out, remember there's nobody to sue. This is latin america, you know, it's buyer beware So don't get too close Oh, let me tell you a bit about his arms and his hands They were just loaded with gouges and scars and you know His skin color is what they call moreno down here to us a person with a very dark tan That's pretty much the median skin color Even though you've got the whole spectrum from very white to very black Most people are right in the middle that very dark tan look called moreno if it's a guy and morena if it's a female

[09:36] And the indigenous latin populations are almost all moreno or morena as well Which reminds me of a story my cleaning lady once told me she said most of the indigenous people are of the opinion That the gringos the light-skinned gringos have the most beautiful skin color of all, you know, that's the gringo advantage working again Then she said and i'll never forget this She said some gringos are too white and especially the ones that have red hair and freckles the irlandesas She said the irish who knows how she knew that about the irish. She must have seen a movie or something In fact, she said the irish are so white. They look kind of sick in fermo, which means unhealthy Then she said, you know, you light-skinned gringos have the best skin. But the second best skin is morena Which was her color and the color of the average indigenous person

[10:25] She said us indigenous people are all born with beautiful moreno skin But very few of us make it to adulthood without some skin damage I said what and she said well look at this and she showed me the back of her shoulder Where she must have been burned or something as a child and it was quite discolored Very light compared to the unaffected skin She said our skin is beautiful but delicate if we get a scratch or a cut or a burn it never heals without a scar And it always ends up being lighter than the skin around it and that goes she said for punto or pontitos Which are stitches she said if you're a good hard worker as you get older your skin will tell the story She said, you know, it's all right for guys. They look manly with a few scars, but for girls

[11:10] Well for girls, it's different after all she said part of the bride selection process for the guy Is the beauty of her skin? Then she made the sign of the cross and looked up to the heavens and said poor marta. That's her sister She's an old maid now because apparently she has bad skin Hey, you know That's one of the benefits of being able to speak a little spanish your cleaning lady and you can bond and then she'll tell you weird things like that And unfortunately, you know I'd say at least 90 percent of the gringos and expats here in latin america Never learn enough spanish to be able to shoot the breeze with the cleaning lady or the maintenance guy and man Do the cleaning ladies like to gossip they call gossip down here cheese mez cheese mez

[11:55] Let me tell you they have tight-knit little neighborhoods and they don't wander outside of those much except to work and such Now since they're so isolated in their little communities and almost no one has a car All the maids cleaning ladies gardeners and maintenance guys Know the neighborhood dirt Everyone knows who the liars and the thieves are and the smart ones and the dumb ones and the womanizers and the drunkards Who you can trust who you can't who's got the golden touch in the kitchen? Who's getting remisa checks from the states and how much your cleaning lady knows all that stuff about everyone in her neighborhood? But that's not all she'll have stories and some of the dirt on your upscale neighborhood, too Because you know some of her friends and neighbors from her little pueblo are maids gardeners and workers in your subdivision and

[12:42] Don't think they don't talk So having your help live in a nearby little pueblo could be both a good and a not so good thing The good thing is you'll get to know and meet the family build up confidence and friendships and all that But you have to know that you and your family and whatever traumas and peculiarities pass while she's working there They'll likely be subjects for discussion at the dinner table in their little house Now nobody wants their laundry dirty or otherwise to be a topic of discussion in their neighborhood or anyone else's However, upscale latins are disconnected enough from their help that they really don't care There's a definite line drawn in a class distinction between boss and employee So upscale latins don't much care what the help thinks or what they might be gossiping about

[13:30] Oh, they would if it happened amongst their friends, but when you're talking about the help, they don't care That said your life is even more interesting than the average upscale latin's life because you're that odd gringo that moved down to latin America when everyone else they know would like to do just the opposite and sneak into the states So what am I getting at? What does it all mean? Well, there seems to be a little controversy going on between gringos and expats as to when you hire your help Should they be from the local area? Within walking distance or should it be from an area that it's a half an hour to an hour's chicken bus ride away Well, you know, i've been down here long enough to have hired people both ways and I can tell you It's nice to have a maintenance guy or a cleaning lady from your local vicinity But I'll tell you that means if they're not a good employee or you have to fire them

[14:20] Well, you can bet you're gonna see them their husbands their kids and their relatives at the local tienes And you can't help but think there's a little rancor or animosity going down because the rumors will certainly fly Why'd they get fired or did they quit? Not likely. I mean let's face it if you fire someone it's generally a huge embarrassment probably for both of you However, if that person lives a great distance away, you'll probably never run into him again On the other hand if you hire someone from the local area You can usually find out ahead of time through the grapevine If that person's a good employer has ever been fired or had any trouble So if you're hiring from the local talent pool, you'll be able to gather a lot more preliminary information about a prospective employee

[15:06] Than on a person who lives far away And remember you can always gather a lot more information if you speak a little spanish You have to remember when you're hiring and you put the word out the people that show up for the interview are one either in between jobs two They've been fired from their last job or quit three They're working now, but don't like their boss or the job or the pay and they're looking to move up Or number four they've never had a job before and you'd be the first boss they ever had Now like I said in a past show if you ask for references It seems almost everyone can produce them and they all seem to be nice and glowing reviews too because most latins Including latin bosses are non-confrontational and they're willing to write a good reference Not only for good workers, but for bad workers too

[15:53] Just to get rid of them yet to stay on halfway decent terms. Hmm. Does that sound familiar? Oh, and here's another thing if you're hiring from the local talent pool It seems like there's a bad apple or two in every family whether it's up in the states or down here in latin america And unfortunately, let's say you've got a cleaning lady who's told everyone how nice your house is and what you've got How many big screen tv's just gossiping to her other cleaning lady friends who are always comparing notes about their bosses And what their bosses have and don't have well, you know latin families are pretty tight and on sunday They almost always have a big dinner together And that's true of the wealthy in the upper classes all the way down to the poorest of the poor the cleaning ladies the indigenous And people living in shacks and that my friend is where lots of gossip will fly

[16:38] And it just might be about you and your wife and your house and your kids and what you have and what you don't have And chances are the bad boy in the family will be sitting around listening to all that too And that's not a good thing if the guy lives right down the street However, if he's a couple of chicken bus rides away, no big deal So that's why you'll hear a lot of expat gringos say It's best to hire someone from nearby make some friends help out the locals give them some work Then you'll talk to other gringos often gringos and expats who've been down a while. They'll say don't hire a local person It's not a good idea. You don't want the whole neighborhood to know your business However, if you do hire someone that's got to ride a few chicken buses to get to your place Then be prepared if they ask for a few bucks more a week because they have to pay their bus passage

[17:24] Whereas the locals are close enough to walk also be prepared for the excuses when they're 10 20 30 minutes even an hour late Because well bus broke down bus was late traffic accident big rainfall, whatever But that won't happen if you hire local help. So that's one of the ongoing conversations You'll have with other gringos when talking about hiring help. So what do I do? Well, i've done it both ways and lately i've been leaning towards the idea of hiring people who live a little farther out And here's a little tip It's really in your best interest to keep that division between boss and worker somewhat intact Because you know a lot of gringos and expats have found out if they become too friendly with their help, you know, buddy Buddy, sometimes your workers will take advantage of you It kind of reminds me of that failed parenting philosophy that started in the 90s

[18:11] You know the one where you drop the authority figure bit and become friends with your kids I know some people who try that i'm sure you do too the end result not good So then what do I suggest? Well by all means be friends with your cleaning lady and maintenance guy, etc But always keep in mind that you are the boss and you're paying them to be there at your convenience not theirs I've noticed a lot of gringos and gringos especially gringos forget that Why because up in the states they could never afford a full-time maid or cleaning lady or gardeners or maintenance guy In fact one young gringo told me she feels sort of guilty that she has a full-time living maid and pays her so little Compared to first world wages, of course She knows she lives in a little tin shack She feels sorry for her and kind of lets the cleaning lady run the show

[18:58] She's the boss lady, but she won't scold her if she's late or does a sloppy job or doesn't show up She doesn't want to rock the boat because she's overjoyed. She actually has a full-time cleaning lady So often the gringo lady of the house who employees are made will start off on the wrong foot thinking It's the cleaning lady who's doing her a favor by working for her. Hey, I know it sounds weird Doesn't make sense. But come on down here get boots on the ground and vote with your feet and you'll see what I mean Oh, how about this one? A newly arrived gringo and gringo came down. They voted with their feet They're living down here in central america now They're renting a house and like I said before almost all middle and upper middle class houses have a servants quarters That's what they call it Cuerto de servicio with a separate entrance for the maid or a cleaning lady and she's saying look i'm gonna get a living

[19:49] cleaning lady But she's never had one before and it's kind of new at it And she said johnny is she just gonna stay in her room all night. Do you think and watch tv? The poor thing's got no family. No friends in a strange house That doesn't seem right The question is after dinner when everybody's just sitting around in the family room doing their own thing reading or watching tv Whatever and johnny if we're watching tv, it's gonna be in english and she won't know any english So, what do you think what should I do is she gonna be sitting on the couch next to us in the living room or She's gonna go back to her room and watch her tv. She says both options seem kind of weird. She's not family So I don't think I want her hanging around with us all the time. Not at night Anyway, and she certainly won't speak english, but put yourself in her shoes

[20:39] She's away from her town and her family and every night she's stuck in her little room watching her tv So that was this gringa's dilemma and she asked me what I thought And I said, well, why don't you at first? Anyway hire a full-time maid, but not a living, you know, just nine to five And then I said by the way, how is your spanish? If you don't know any spanish at all You'll have to figure out some ways to communicate and it's true little by little you'll work it out We all do but eventually all gringos and expats should be thinking about boning up on their spanish Which brings us to this email it comes from a new old friend and expat insider seminar veteran Jack bret Some of you out there might know him as the guy who wrote that book called fast spanish

[21:24] Which is a guy for gringos looking for the best most efficient and least expensive ways to learn their spanish Now since I mentioned jack bret is an expat insider seminar alumni for those of you thinking about joining me for my july 2017 expat insider seminar just go to Www. The new expat.com click on the seminar link and you'll find out all about it Including the way to kill two birds with one stone that is get your guadamal and residency started at the same time You're down for the seminar and you'll also see the information about those famous john gault pre and post seminar trips Now if you're gonna take one of the john gault trips You'll have to add four days in front of or after the seminar So keep that in mind when you're making your flight plans and that's all happening a few months from now july 2017

[22:13] Now if you just can't get boots on the ground just yet Do the next best thing take my expat essentials course. Just go to expat plan b.com You know, no matter what stage you are in your plan b you will need some guidance. So do check out my course All right. Now, let's have jack bret's email He says hey johnny just listened to your recent show on engineers and laborers in latin america Why are you hating on civil engineers, bro? We ain't so dumb. For instance, I knew all about pulling concrete with a screed for foundation slabs before I went back to school I know one thing it ruins your clothes. That's for sure Oh, and don't you know your average redneck concrete crew up here in the states knows how to have fun while sweating his ass off

[23:02] In the sun just as good as any foreigners do the secret is they dip copenhagen snuff all day Sure concrete crews from the old days in the states have changed now They're almost all mexicans and latins But I suspect they too dip a little copenhagen now and then by the way jack up in chicago They just call it chew as in you chew bro Now jack years ago. I knew a couple of guys back in chicago who did it It does nastify your teeth and blows your chances for finding a girl next door type unless she rides a harley By the way down here in latin america. I've never seen a single person chew in fact I've never even seen it for sale except in an upscale first world style malls You know, it seems every upscale mall has a little kiosk that caters to high-end tobacco users

[23:53] They stock electronic cigarettes cuban cigars pipe tobacco and Tins of two like copenhagen by the way come to think of it I've never yet met or even seen a latin american smoke a regular pipe I mean with real store-bought pipe tobacco from a pouch or a can so again Those kind of specialty kiosks only seem to show up where gringos hang and particularly where wealthy latin's shop You know the gringo wannabe thing, but let's get back to jack's email. He says anyway, johnny I'm going to put out a revised second edition of fast spanish for expats and wannabes in a couple months And I thought i'd tell you about it in case you want to let your listeners know Now johnny not long after I wrote the original I quit studying spanish for over a year to work on a project that came up In the states and I found out that working for other people kind of sucks

[24:42] Especially when you're an engineer and you're working for people who aren't engineers and they want you to do stuff that can get you personally soon by statute engineers here in florida where I am now are personally liable for anything they sign and seal A fact which is always in the back of your mind in a target rich for lawsuits subfield like mine is But I digress anyway after parting ways with my recent employer here in the states I went back to studying spanish a few months ago and I found out that without constant practice your spanish pretty much evaporates At least 50 percent of mine did the good news is I found out you can get it all back pretty quickly and go beyond that Especially using skype and a few other techniques that I have recently worked out

[25:29] And you know johnny it's still unlikely that anybody is ever going to mistake me for a native speaker But I learned enough more by trial and error about the easy way to do spanish That I figured it was time to update my fast spanish book So the new edition is going to cover more than just learning spanish though I've got some new info for mildly obsessive compulsive types like me Who are saddled with a conflicting urge for adventure that drives them to do crazy stuff like? Expatriate to foreign lands and just how you go about managing that mental process There'll also be some stuff on how to manage the transition to becoming an expat from the state side and for people who are less than affluent Also, there will be more info for people who are interested in relocating to the chella

[26:17] Guatemala area long term or temporarily to study in one of the many cheap and excellent schools there Like before the book will be free for your expat files listeners to simplify things Anybody who wants the expanded and revised second edition can get a copy by just sending you an email I'll let you forward the addresses to me. I guess I should add that people's email addresses are safe with me I'm not going to give them out to anyone else at worst If I can figure out something people might want to buy related to learning spanish or expatriating I might try and sell it to them someday though in truth. I don't know what that might be right now Anybody who's not okay with that should just say so in their email, but they might be missing out on something good later All the best jack bread author of fast spanish

[27:04] All right, jack. Thanks for that. It's a mighty generous offer a free second edition, huh? All right, all you listeners heard that right? So i'll keep you posted when that comes out By the way jack when I dissed civil engineers in a past show not so long ago. I forgot you're a civil engineer, right? Well, you know what expat eddie always says nice guys generous guys and honest guys don't necessarily finish last But they usually aren't the life of the party South of the border This is the expat files living in latin america If you want me to help you out with your own plan b just schedule a one-on-one consult Send me an email the expat files at gmail.com And if you want to learn how to move forward with your own plan b from right up there in the states go to

[27:51] www.expatplanb.com and check out my three videos. See ya nos vemos