#615 – The Expat Files: Cultural Traditions, Tax Challenges, and Social Dynamics in Latin America

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came up to play and now I wonder Hello there all you expat wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started Yep today. We'll finish up our marathon session concerning those inexpensive to camera on hotel resorts throughout Latin America Nope, it's not a plug But just more good information as you tick off those boxes on your plan B checklist

[00:46] So why go on about it? Well since I mentioned it four or five years ago on a show I keep getting a steady trickle of emails from people with a limited retirement budget Who are really considering living in an all-inclusive resort for years at a time? However, before we get to that a few other things first now the other day we had the annual burn the double day here in Latin America dia de quemar el Diablo an important and strong tradition in many Latin countries as it turns out on December 7th Practically every Christian family in Latin America buys a red devil or two made out of paper mache Put it on their front steps at 6 o'clock at night precisely and torch it and at the same time They blow off a wheelbarrow full of firecrackers and fireworks

[01:34] It has something to do with the superstition of getting rid of the evil in your house Supposedly, they're burning it out once a year. However, to me It doesn't make sense because I always thought the devil loves fire. So I suppose he's actually looking forward to it By the way, the burning of the double thing only happens in Latin America The Christians in the rest of the world don't go along with it. It's not condoned Hmm. Where'd that come from? So first world Christians poo poo it and turn the other way don't want to talk about it And if that's what it takes to keep the Latins putting those ten tambos in the collection plate The Pope won't touch it. Meanwhile Latin Americans absolutely have to do it or their house is not cleansed At least that's what I've been told So why am I bringing this up when I spoke a bit about it last year? Well because this year there's a completely new twist on the old burn the devil formula get this

[02:23] About 20% of all the paper mache devils were turning up with blonde Trump-like hair spouting out of their heads Yep This year for the very first time in that hundreds and hundreds of year-long tradition of burn the devil Latins have combined their disdain for the devil with their disdain for the Donald and it was just my luck that in the morning I didn't have my camera or a decent cell phone to take a picture So guess what on the afternoon of the 7th? I found my camera and went out to locate some devilish Donald's but guess what they were all sold out So maybe what we have here is just a blip in the burn to double tradition We'll see next year if Trump shows up again now You know in the past show I mentioned when you go to one of those pinata stores

[03:09] You can find Trump all over the place now, but this is a totally different thing I'm talking about the very distinctive red and black paper mache doubles They burn only on December 7th this year with Trump like hair. Yep. Never a dull moment here in Latin America So anyway at 6 o'clock on the 8th The noise was deafening for about 20 minutes And of course at that point all Latin cities small and large were engulfed in a cloud of pyrotechnic smoke That's always the way it is on Christmas Eve and New Year's, too Yet down here no one ever talks about global warming or global cooling That is except for the odd first world news story that slips into the local newspapers But nobody really reads that stuff or pays attention So while you guys up in the first world are hamstrung by global warming proponents and naysayers

[03:58] The more than half a billion people here in Latin America not only don't talk or even know about it. They don't give a Meanwhile half the population still cooks with wood They blow up millions of tons worth of fireworks and burn an estimated 100 million paper mache devil effigies every year The fact is amongst the average population anyway, no one's even heard of global warming There are no blue ribbon commissions or people protesting in the streets. None of that's going on Oh, you'll hear the farmers complain. They do that all the time. They'll say there's a drought this year. There's a flood this year It's colder this year. It's warmer this year But you see continuous records of seasonal climate change go back before the conquistadors to the Aztecs Incas Mayans

[04:47] Even the Toltecs and back then there were far fewer humans and no devil pinatas to burn It was the conquistadores who introduced the devil and the Christian traditions to Latin America In fact, if you look at history, you could say they were the devil, but I digress as usual All right changing gears, you know gringles and expats are still flocking to Colombia International living AARP and numerous retirement mags are calling it the next Costa Rica You know we've talked about that before here at the expat files We just might be the only voice of reason when it comes to Colombia You know, I can't help but notice just like the early days of the gringo rush to Costa Rica Panama and Nicaragua Star-struck gringos with paradise on the brain have few negative things to say about Colombia in

[05:35] YouTube's and in the blogosphere unless you dig a little deeper, but now that the gringos have been piling in Prices have gone up big brother is rearing its ugly head Taxes are skyrocketing and new laws are being written to squeeze gringos foreigners and even locals harder than ever Again, I think it's time to take a boots on the ground closer Look this time from one of our loyal listeners living in Colombia and who's married to a Colombian woman This is from the brofessor who last reported in a month or so ago Regarding the heavy taxation that's now plaguing all Colombians Anyway, the email starts. Hi Johnny brofessor here. You know me. I'm the world's youngest expat I just got an article from Columbia reports a website that takes no payoffs

[06:26] Nor does it paint any rainbows over the true standing of our fine state of Colombia? Turns out yesterday for me was the nail in the coffin It's what made me finally decide that I really want to watch this thing from a distance The article said that the new tax laws in Colombia will be enforced with jail time for tax offenders now Johnny I'd like to see them try to pull that off It says in the article that they will be dishing out jail sentences from four to nine years in prison to any and all tax evaders Well, I have to say me and my family have always been squeaky clean and we pay taxes on all our restaurant Franchises located in Colombian malls. There's no getting around that not when you're a registered business and on the books

[07:14] But this you should know for the number of cash only businesses in Colombia The only way they could pull this off that is put people in jail and give them sentences Would be to put an entire wall around Medellin a city of over four million people then problem solve You've got all your tax evaders locked up I guess that would eliminate the visa requirements then, huh? But there's something even more interesting Johnny also about jail sources are reporting the jails are now 100% full all of them. Well, I guess so the place is like a dog kennel. Anyway Literally, everyone is in solitary Confinement who's in a Colombian jail and unless you have connections to the church, you won't get much food either

[08:04] Where are they gonna put all these tax evaders? They're supposed to be capturing. Oh, well won't be my problem Like I said, I'm gonna watch this from a distance yours truly the bro. Fesser PS Johnny I have a friend who would like to sign up for your January 2017 seminar. I might come along too So what website should I direct him to? Well, glad you asked that bro. Fesser. Yes. I have one maybe two spots left Just go to www.thenewexpet.com click on Johnny's 2017 seminar link and you're there Okay, so you've been hearing nothing but good and the great about Colombia and the general news media Except for the occasional odd bit about the FARC guerilla group

[08:49] But of course now they've signed a peace treaty right more good PR Hmm, like I always say if you got a lot of money You can live anywhere in the world and there are many very nice places in Colombia to live work play and or hang out So by all means if you have a lot of dough and you like Colombia go for it but I think 90% of the people who listen to this show do not have unlimited amounts of money and They're looking for a nice cheap way to maintain their lifestyles and first world standards as that prospect slowly evaporates before their very eyes Up in the first world. Okay slipping in the third gear now people still send emails asking me about that Non-toxic cucaracha killer ball recipe now I know I gave that recipe out many moons ago probably three years now

[09:35] And I have to say it has served me and so many gringo expats extraordinarily well now locals don't know about this stuff Latins will say to us gringos when the subject of cockroaches or cucaracha comes up. They're just Ubiquitous in Latin America. They're everywhere can't get rid of them. You have to just kind of accept them Well, you know, that's not true at all Again, it's just a sign of the Latin lack of attention to detail and for sure There's a lot of gringos who migrated down to Latin America who previously lived in the southern United States and have a great deal of personal experience with Cucaracha's Now maybe because of that they take a more tolerant view of those disgusting things But me being from Chicago and growing up in a white bread suburban neighborhood I never even saw a cockroach up close and personal till I was 12 or 13 years old and

[10:24] I remember that incident when I was visiting the home of one of my rock and roll band mates in a slightly less scenic neighborhood you might say So when I got down to Latin America, and I saw that casual attitude people have towards their insect interlopers I just knew it was something I could never get used to I kind of feel the same way about eating cartilage and chicken feet soup Latins are just fine with that but me makes me want a gag. Yeah, I know I know it's a cultural thing and I'm culturally predisposed to hating Cucaracha's and Believe me when I see when I go well out of my way to kill it and Latins generally They don't bother unless there's company present then they'll make a face and kill it for show I mean look one of the most famous and well-known songs in the Latin vernacular is

[11:11] La Cucaracha. In fact, most gringos think it's the Mexican national anthem So anyway somewhere down the line by hook and crook many years ago After years of using toxic sprays like raid Finally I picked up on something that was non-toxic had no odor and worked like a charm In fact nowadays at my place I don't think I see two or three Cucaracha's in a whole year when I do spot one that just means I have to mix up a new batch And here's that formula you go down and buy some pure borax usually you can buy that a hardware store or You can buy 20 meal team borax if they still make that stuff or you can go down to a welding supply outfit They use borax as flux so you take a bowl you put a teaspoon of borax in there a teaspoon of flour and

[12:00] A pinch of brown sugar Then you add a few drops of water and start kneading it until it's like cookie dough then it's done You roll up a dozen or so balls the size of a pearl on a necklace Put them in the hidden corners of your kitchen, you know behind refrigerator in the back of your pantry shelves behind your queasy nart Especially in that crevice or groove where the wall meets the floor. That's what you might call the cockroach runway They run along the edge of the floor and the wall By the way, I discovered a long time ago. Why most Latin homes are infested with cucarachas. It comes down to one thing Latins have a bad habit of leaving food on the stove or the kitchen counter for long periods of time and often after they're done Cooking something they leave it overnight on the stove or the counter to cool down

[12:48] Not to mention that ins love putting their dirty dishes and cups and such in the sink and leaving them till morning after all many Latins have cleaning ladies and maids at least the ones a lot of gringos come in contact with and Thus the family is so accustomed to the maid cleaning up after at them and doing all the dishes The owners and their kids just let stuff pile up till morning when the maid comes in and even if she's a living maid Generally, she'll go to her room early and watch her soap operas Whatever while dad mom and the kids are slagging down junk food in the TV room So the dirty dishes and the crumbs in the food are always available for those nocturnal Cucarachas if you want to avoid that problem rule number one always clean your dishes and your sink after you're done eating

[13:35] Don't let them sit around for even a half an hour and don't leave cooked food out or food on the stove However, if you buy a lot of fresh fruits and vegetables You can have them out on the counter seems the only time Cucarachas or fruit flies or bugs take notice is if you've got an overripe pineapple or a bunch of bananas Now oftentimes a pineapple looks just fine Not quite ready to eat and when you pick it up You'll see a little clear sticky spot on the counter and of course the bugs and critters love that That's something you really can't control or avoid right or can you listen smart? Gringos will buy oversized glass bowls Put their fruits and vegetables in them and place those on the counter that way anything that might happen to leak is

[14:22] Contained and the bugs can't climb up around the edges and steep incline of a big glass bowl Oh and another question I get about those Cucaracha balls How many do you make up and spread around well? I'll say for a pretty good sized kitchen all you really have to have is maybe a dozen or so remember They're small about the size of a pearl. It's easy to hide a dozen or so of them So well that they're virtually undetectable Because remember you're gonna put them in the hidden places where the Cucarachas like to live work play and or do business Hmm that sounds familiar. Where have I heard that before? Okay, so that's the story on what I call Cucar balls However, do be careful when tossing that word Cucar around in some Latin countries. It's street lingo for vagina Alright, let's try fourth gear now

[15:08] You know a lot of gringos and expats want to know how to make some money when they come down here Latin America Some have to make money eventually and some just do it because they're bored and they've got lots of time on their hands I mean that's what happens when you've got a gardener in a maid and yes some average gringos They would be average up in the States have their own chefs about that So yes, you will have a lot of time on your hands You might want to write the great un-american novel or even sit around the pool get drunk and watch sports all day Whatever floats your boat, but many gringos end up with businesses even people who swear they'll never work another day in their life They're permanently retired. So they say you'll see come on down That said I always tell people you have to get your boots on the ground down here to find out what kind of business is

[15:54] Gonna work for you. What kind of niche you can find etc Then there are always those opportunities to buy businesses that are doing well Sometimes you can buy them from other gringos who just want out for whatever reason. That's why I want to read this email right now I know who sent me this he's a good honest guy and I think for a person or persons who want to buy an existing Business that's already up and running and kicking out cash. This could be a good deal He says dear Johnny. I have a successful tourism based business in Central America, which has been in business for six years now It's fully functional and can be supervised with minimal attention Currently the business makes around a hundred thousand per year most of it, which is green cash We've built a great reputation for what we do. The town loves us and we support many local families We are in the process of applying for a tourism based business tax incentive

[16:43] Which allows the business to operate tax-free for the next 10 years I'm selling the business because I need the cash for another business venture. All of the pieces are in place We have a solid support network, which consists of four employees three of which have been with us since day one We also have a manager and we employ a few gringos as they pass through town Usually on a temporary and as needed basis. The business is both fun and profitable You know, we've made plenty of costly mistakes along the way So this is the perfect opportunity to bypass the mistakes and step into a business that will pay for itself in four years or less I'm asking four hundred thousand and that includes me remaining accessible to the new owners for one year Now the business was built to support an absentee owner

[17:29] However, I think would be wise for the new owners to plan on spending some time getting to know the town the people And other business owners. So if you're interested, I can get you more details But I have to ensure that the potential buyers are qualified So if you inquire please be ready to prove that you're a capable buyer I won't do any owner financing trades, etc I can accommodate an immediate close or any time between now and early spring It breaks my heart to sell this thing, but I need it to go on to my next project However, if it doesn't sell by mid-spring, I will more than likely sell other assets and hold on to it Thanks, Johnny. All right. There you have it. If you're interested in want more details, just shoot me an email Remember, he's a hard-working honest guy and anything he does gets my seal of approval

[18:16] Which I don't give too easily by the way Alright now back to the decamron. Where were we? Oh, yeah If you remember from the last show the guy that was trying to sell me that decamron club package Was so pissed off at me for beating him down on the price that he actually called me a tecan you Which means cheapskate and at that point I dressed him down a bit told him the first rule of good business is never to insult A customer now I didn't dress him down because what he said bothered me it didn't but I saw his Reaction as another opportunity to squeeze an even better deal out of him And it worked as soon as I stood up. He said wait a minute. Wait a minute Let's get calm and have another look at it and in the end dropped his price by two grand So now we're looking at $30,000 a year for two people

[19:04] Double occupancy at pretty much any decamron hotel you wish to stay at in other words If there's a couple each on Social Security That would just about cover an entire year's stay at a decamron all-inclusive resort But do watch out there are some health hazards because you see about nine out of ten of their guests are Overweight or obese in fact every day sitting there for breakfast side make the count I count a hundred people walking into the breakfast area and that's how I came to that Unfortunate conclusion and of course, you know these resorts have a full gymnasium I'd walk by it a few times a day and never saw anyone exercising except the trainers and instructors How about that however every day by the pool? There'd be dance classes and a lot of people would join in thinking hey good workout, right?

[19:51] But they were of the type and movement that no one ever broke a sweat Those sessions were really all about fun and games and showing off the new beach judge you bought for the trip So do beware as those two old gringo Harley Davidson drivers I met so many years ago told me the ones who first turned me on to the Decamron package deals in the first place when I asked them if they had any pointers for me about the whole decamron thing One of them said yeah Look out or you will get fat He said both of them had put on around 20 pounds the first year And that's because there's food 24-7 in gigantic buffets, but they have very very healthy food, too Yep, the good news is they're also bringing in vast quantities of fresh local fruits and vegetables the local seafood catch, too

[20:39] So if you're a vegetarian vegan or ovo lactopescatarian, you're all set However, there's just as much or even more mega empty calorie junk on the menu, too So it's true. If you don't watch out, you'll certainly put on the pounds So is there maybe a spoiler living all year round in an all-inclusive Latin resort? Well, if it is for me, it's the people Nope, not the workers the staff the cleaning people the chefs and all that not them I'm talking about the people who buy in and stay at those resorts by the way hotel motel and resort guests are called Huespedes in Spanish so you're traveling around vacation. You'll see that word around a lot Huespedes means guests. Anyway, you'll find yourself as pretty much a lone gringo at one of these big decameron resorts

[21:27] And everyone will treat you just fine. I mean, you're an honored guest It's that gringo advantage thing on a pretty major scale, too Why because every single one of the people there's a gringo wannabe and I'd say most all the people maybe 70 to 85 percent of them are upper middle-class latinists, which would be solid middle-class where we come from Mostly the type of person who worked his way up by the bootstraps not very well educated Certainly very few people have a university degree They just did a lot better than their parents ever did their parents were probably middle-class and could never afford a decameron trip And their kids, you know branched out got a business and are definitely not making three or four hundred bucks a month Most of these people I'd say make probably a thousand to three thousand dollars a month

[22:14] Which is big money for the locals here in Latin America So you can definitely see the signs and symptoms of severe gringo wannabes By the way, most of that group of people have never been to the United States not legally anyway However, every single one of them have sweatshirts t-shirts and other clothing with English sayings on them Even though almost none of them can speak fluent English. So that's the kind of people you'll mostly have around you Locals that is people from that particular Latin country where the decameron is that have made good But not good enough to get their visa and fly to the United States legally And then there's another maybe 10% of the people there at the decameron guess Consider themselves to be first-world gringos, but they're not oh at the evening Vegas floor shows They raise their hands when the MC says anyone here from the United States

[23:02] They yell and scream and shout and make a big deal out of it But as it turns out almost every last one of them I'm talking about that 10% now slipped into the United States many years ago as illegals And got made legal through some kind of presidential amnesty There were a lot of those, you know, Jimmy Carter Reagan all of them had some kind of amnesty program for illegals They are now legal and have their passports and are real citizens And yes, they can speak English rather well, but with a thick accent Now it's rather easy to tell those folks apart from the regular locals that are staying there because these legal latinos from the states Are really putting on the dog flashing the bling and the name brand crap just to show everyone that they've made it They've hit the gringo jackpot. In fact, like I said, they consider themselves gringos, but really they're not

[23:51] Let me give you an example At the risk of sounding like a pretentious dick here The decameron has a couple of bars each one with the big espresso machine funny enough They're almost never used they look like new so in the morning i'd go down Order a double expresso to get the rust out of my veins One day I was standing at the bar with another guy real tall good-looking guy Ray-ban glasses ucla t-shirt adidas running shoes 50 maybe 55 years old turns to me to make small talk and says Where are you from? And you know usa barrio english. I said jicago. Where are you from? California long beach then the tall guy says to me. What's that? He points to the espresso machine. I said, oh, that's an espresso machine. He said yeah, what's it do?

[24:41] And for a second, I couldn't believe it I had to explain to this guy what espresso coffee was and here's a tall good-looking latin guy Had a kind of a first world chain But had no idea what an espresso machine or espresso coffee was And we carried on conversing and I found out he's a truck driver about to retire in three or four years Union pension and all that and he told me he'd been on a Decameron vacation four times now From way up there in la and when I asked him if he'd tried any other all-inclusive hotel resorts like sandals He said oh, no, man. I checked way too expensive Then I said are you a decameron club member? Nope, but when I retire, yes And then I met any number of pretentious 50 something latin ladies from the states again

[25:27] Flashing all their bling and stuff. They simply looked down their noses at the other latins who Obviously didn't fly in from the states, but were latin american locals doing a decameron vacation I mean, I watched these ladies sitting together at tables speaking in english Just so the tables alongside them knew They were from los estados knowing full well that almost no one else could understand what they were saying But that was the point i'm telling you you haven't seen classism until you've been down in latin america for a while Everyone down here is painfully aware of social and cultural status. Believe me And finally the topper I was sitting in one of those open trams that take you around and a guy sat next to me This 50 something guy and his teenage daughter started speaking to me in broken english

[26:15] And he said where you're from and all that and how did you find this place? Almost no gringos around he said and then came the usual question Well, why aren't you up in the united states? You know the land of good and plenty Or is it milk and honey man? I wish I had a sentavo for every time I heard that coming out of latin's mouth Anyway, he was proud to tell me he was a professional but he'd rather be in the states where he could make five times as much money Then I bit my tongue while he told me about those trips to disneyland And I said well, why aren't you up there then everyone else is going He said well i'm a lawyer and you can only practice in the country where you graduated from law school Because all the laws are just slightly different throughout latin america and definitely you can't practice law in the states It's a different system and then he asked me for my business card I don't have one, you know, and I asked him what kind of lawyer he was

[27:03] Well, guess what he was a supreme court justice of el solvador said so right on his business card, too So those are the kind of people you'll be rubbing elbows with if you stay at one of those all inclusive decameron resorts Get used to it. They're not a real cross section of latin american people at all But probably the upper five percent of latin society So just know if you hook up with the year-round decameron club plan That's a kind of a cross section of the kind of people you'll be hanging with South of the border This is the expat files living in latin america If you want me to help you out with your own plan b just schedule a one-on-one consult Send me an email the expat files at gmail.com And if you want to learn how to move forward with your own plan b from right up there in the states go to

[27:51] www.expatplanb.com and check out my three videos. See ya nos vemos