#573 – Episode 573: Measurement Systems, Cultural Nuances, and Expatriate Life in Latin America

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came up to play and now I wonder Hello there all you expat wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started now a long long time ago I mentioned that if you come down to Latin America, you're gonna have to be up a little bit at least on the metric system Although they do mix the English and the metric system a lot down here For example, they mostly have gallons of gas instead of liters gallons

[00:46] Of course the English system in liters metric and they sell most solid food by the pound or ounce However, they sell a lot of edible or I should say drinkable liquids by the liter and the milliliter For example, if you buy bottled water a small bottle is a 500 milliliters with Coca-Cola Pepsi and all the other sugary poisons Sold in liters and milliliters, too By the way If you're watching this on YouTube, you'll see why it's imperative if you pop a cap off a bottle You have to wipe it down with a Kleenex or a napkin goes for the tops of cans, too So again, there's a lot of mixing of the English and metric system of weights and measures It really doesn't make much sense, but that's the way it is So you have to get used to it same thing with construction materials For example, if you're gonna buy some cinder block or cement block

[01:32] They're made down here, of course, and they're made in the English system in inches However, you don't buy blocks by the inch you buy them by their size in centimeters Go figure how to copy the US and English system in inches yet They convert them to centimeters when they're gonna sell them. However, when you buy raw wood, it's always in inches The by the way, when you buy tape measures down here You'll see they're in centimeters in inches and your construction people and all your maintenance guys will use the centimeter part And that's any time they measure the length of pretty much anything That's something most gringos don't get used to for a long long time. And for example, you'll say well You know put that light switch about a foot and a half away from the wall or 18 inches Whatever by the way inches down here. I call pool. God is which by the way in Spanish means finger more precisely

[02:19] Fat finger which down here in Latin America means your thumb So pull guys are inches and it also means fat finger not to be confused with pull guys, which are fleas So you'd rather have pull guys than pull guys at least most men would Now the general word in Spanish for any finger is de doe de de doe de doe So your thumb in Spanish is called pull guard, but it's also called get this de doe Gordo de doe Meaning finger and Gordo meaning fat. So when Latin people talk about their thumbs you're talking about their fat finger Now imagine a kid up in Cleveland crying to his mother that he just smashed the crap out of his fat finger with a hammer I don't think so, but that's how it comes across in Spanish By the way in Spanish your big toe is called exactly the same thing

[03:08] De doe Gordo fat finger again, but this time they'll be pointing to their foot So basically pull guard which means finger also means inch in Spanish So for example, if the situation arises and you find yourself having to beat someone over the head with a 24 inch selfie stick That would be 24 or benti cuatro Pulgares however when you're talking about inches or pulgales to your maintenance guy or contractor or construction worker Whatever you can bet he'll look at you kind of funny and then pull out his tape measure look down the thing to spot the 24-inch mark see that it's 61 centimeters, then he'll perk up and say ah Say senta yun senta metros see see hefe no I problemo because you know you are the hefe the boss

[03:56] However, always beware when a Latin person says no, I problemo even worse if he says it in English No problem. That's always a bellwether for bad karma now Oddly enough when you're driving through Latin America in one of the local cars You'll always find that the odometer and speedometer are in kilometers and kilometers per hour However, if the car you're driving has been brought in from the states It'll always be like you have it up there miles on the odometer and miles per hour on the speedometer Now the only country in Latin America that tries hard to stay on the English system is Belize because it was a former British Colony, but still you'll see metric stuff around why because it's such a small country. They've got no manufacturing They import almost everything from the US and Mexico

[04:42] So you got the English system imports from the US and the metric stuff from Mexico Now to make things even stranger and more difficult to when you buy land in most Latin countries They'll sell it in vadas and Avada the a ra is about three quarters of a square meter Just a tip here never be flummoxed by square meters They're very easy to deal with one square meter is around 10 square feet very easy Now when you're looking at construction whether it's built or on the drawing board They'll almost always use square meters So to get square features multiply by 10 for example a lot of houses will be around let's say 150 square meters multiply by 10 and you get 1500 square feet But what makes things more difficult is the land itself the undeveloped land will often be measured in vadas

[05:30] And remember Avada the a ra is about three quarters of a square meter Hmm why they don't use square meters there who knows some will but most won't and that's especially true out in the boonies where vadas Well, that's the standard. So in a word the you are picking up on the craziness of this, right? I'm saying that every building will be measured in square meters, which is easy But all the land around it will be in vadas, which is screwy Now to be precise Avada Equals 0.7 meters for what that'll get you and that'll get you exactly Seven and a half square feet like you really have to know this stuff Well, you really will if you're gonna buy or rent some land or build anything on a property now for you listeners out there

[06:18] Who are thinking big here in Latin America? They use another measurement called a manzana Which is equal to ten thousand Nevada's but we don't care about that All we care is that one manzana equals 1.73 acres, which is a pretty nice chunk of land if you're building a house Let's say of course little by little you'll pick up this stuff because they're commonly used units of measure Now there's one more very commonly used unit of measure. They never use up in the states down here It's called a gotta phone another one of those weird tongue twisters You can never say after a couple of tequilas the word again got a phone That's g-a-r-r-a-f-o-n and the O has a little dash called the till day on it Which means you accept that Oh got a phone. So why am I bringing this up?

[07:06] Well, that's the most standard unit of measure for bringing bottled water to your home or bar restaurant Whatever, that's the units. They're delivered in it's basically a five-gallon liquid measure of pretty much anything So for example, if you see one of these big blue transparent plastic five-gallon jugs The kind you see practically everywhere in Latin America tipped upside down on water coolers and regular water dispensers They don't call them five-gallon jugs or containers. They just call them gotta phones now millions and millions of people in Latin America Get that stuff delivered to them a couple of times a week They come delivered in what looks like big coca-cola trucks filled with dozens and dozens of those gotta phones in direct sunlight All day and man talk about Sun and heat remember. This is Latin America

[07:53] That's the way people in households buy bottled water So what they get it from one of those big trucks or even some of the little three-wheeler kind of tuk-tuk delivery guys that are out There remember the water will spend some time baking in the Sun in that plastic container sometimes all day Meaning of course no matter what kind of plastic they use the Sun is so hot that the plastic warms up and the monomers leech Into the water, which is why I never suggest you buy that stuff yourself. You have your own water purifier However, everyone else's house you happen to visit will be getting their so-called pure water from the got a phone What's even more surprising is that about 70% of the population of Latin America? Don't even buy the got a phone they drink directly out of the tap because well They just can't afford to keep buying that stuff However, middle-class Latins upper middle class and the wealthy all have pure water

[08:42] At least they think it's pure from the got a phone and like I said, you could have it delivered to your house But the cheapest way to get it is at the supermarket. Just bring in your empty and you can trade it for a full one Unfortunately, Latins think it's pure water. Anyway, even though we know what's just pure dirty tap water That's run through pretty much a sand filter But don't tell them that or they'll give you the deer in the headlights. Look ignorance is bliss, right though up in the states I understand your tap water is pretty much horrendous, too. So I hope all you listeners are filtering your own anyway Now from what I understand lately this so-called pure water and they got a phone costs around two bucks If you've got an empty to trade Anyway, enough said about that The only reason I brought it up in the first place is because you're gonna see those things everywhere when you go to people's houses

[09:29] Restaurants bars health clubs. Yes health clubs. They don't know any better either. You'll spot those things everywhere Alright, let's change gears a bit. I doubt that many first-world people know anything about this But there's a neat little development that's been happening in the wild and crazy realm of Bitcoin Yes, Bitcoin to sum it's a dirty word to others It's just magic. By the way, I have to mention on that show I did last week about counterfeiting I've got a whole slew of emails and even a YouTube comment or two, which is why I'm mentioning Bitcoin In fact, one guy sent me a YouTube comment that said great show Johnny on counterfeiting Actually, he used the a word but we don't say that here Then he says by the way I've heard a large number of 7-eleven type stores in Mexico are now accepting Bitcoin

[10:16] Is there any truth to that? Of course, y'all know Bitcoin has really been in the news a lot lately since it's jumped up a hundred percent in the last month Of course, it's dropped a bit and leveled off now However, it's becoming sort of one of those inverse indicators of bad times You know when something crappy goes down economically in some region of the world Bitcoin shoots up That would mean it's a very good idea to have some Bitcoin Unless of course you think Hillary or Trump can keep kicking the can down the road However, I don't think you'd be listening to this program if that's what you really thought Anyway, there's more good news on the Bitcoin front This time in Latin America, specifically Mexico Now as it turns out in order to bypass some of the big payment processors like PayPal By the way, I hate PayPal Can't say I met anybody who likes it However, it's pretty much the only game in town so we're stuck using it

[11:04] But there are companies trying to work their way around it Like for example, a new Mexican startup company called Zmart group It's bringing Bitcoin buying and selling operations to cell phones Which will allow users to buy and sell Bitcoin and food and products in grocery stores in Mexico using Bitcoin As it turns out this Zmart group is an e-commerce platform and the creator of a mobile app called Max Saldo, M-A-X-S-A-L-D-O By the way, Saldo means balance as in monetary balance For example, if you're using a cell phone, one of those prepaid throwaway kinds where you just load in minutes If you want to check how much time you have left, you punch in the appropriate numbers And a recording comes on, always a nice sexy female I mean, this is a macho Latin society, you know

[11:50] And she'll say, too, which means your Saldo, which means balance S, which means is And then the remaining monetary balance should be charged in that phone For example, the recording might say Too Saldo is D-A-S-S-S-A-N-T-A-V-O-S Which means your balance is 10 cents, you dummy So you'll see that word Saldo all the time Especially when you're dealing with banks and credit cards and stuff Saldo means balance And the name of this mobile app is called Max Saldo Literally translated, maximum balance Which allows, by the way, businesses to resell digital goods and any kind of products without needing the internet And this Max Saldo app is not meant to be used by large corporations Instead, it's specifically meant for small merchants and grocery store owners

[12:36] So if you're in Mexico, Bitcoin will be available for sale through Max Saldo On the Mexican Bitcoin exchange platform called Bitso, B-I-T-S-O That's Mexican's biggest Bitcoin exchange Bitso, B-I-T-S-O In fact, according to Bitso's website, the company is the world's largest market For using Mexican pesos to buy and sell Bitcoin And according to Forbes magazine, Z-Mart groups Bitcoin offering makes Mexico The very first country in the world that enables people to buy digital currency And spend it in grocery stores So little by little, there is progress on the Bitcoin and cryptocurrency front By the way, a couple of shows ago, I mentioned that almost all Latin American funny money currencies Cannot easily be multiplied or divided by their equivalence in dollars

[13:23] Because, you know, you've got Mexican pesos, Argentine pesos, boulevards, colognes, limperas, quetzales, etc, etc About 15 different kinds of Latin American funny money And none of them seem to be easy to multiply or divide in your head To come up with a quick dollar equivalent or vice versa Unless, of course, you're a math whiz or for the moment The Latin currency in question happens to be at a very round number against the US dollar Like, for example, there was a time, somewhat recently, When the Honduran lampiro was 20 to the buck Very easy to do calculations with that rate But that didn't last long and round numbers like that are pretty rare So most likely you'll have to pull out that calculator app on your smartphone Which, as you might imagine, you don't want to do

[14:10] When you're walking through one of those big markets Or wading through the hordes of sweaty masses You don't want to be flashing around that $300 smartphone When that's the average monthly salary of 95% of the people You've been rubbing elbows with in the market And in that regard, I just received an email from Richard Who says he's found a tricky and easy way To do the cross-calculations between dollars and Guatemala and quetzales For anyone who's getting boots on the ground in Guatemala And that would include the attendees at the upcoming Expat Insiders Seminar Which kicks off in about two weeks now Anyway, Richard in his email says since the Guatemalan quetzal Hovers around eight to the buck For most gringos, especially freshly arrived gringos Dividing every number by eight or multiplying by eight can be tedious

[14:57] That said, here's Richard's conversion trick He says when you're confronted with a price in Guatemala quetzales Just take that price, divide it in half Then take that number, divide that in half Then take that number and divide it in half And that'll be very close to what the price is in US dollars So in short, you take the Guatemalan funny money and divide it in half three times For example, if something's 20 quetzales You divide that in half once, that's 10 You divide it again, that's five You divide that in half again and you get two and a half So 20 quetzales would equal $2.50 or very nearly that amount But thanks for that, Richard, it really does work And like Richard said, it works the other way too If you have a certain amount of dollars, let's say $3 And you want to find out what that is in the local funny money

[15:43] Guatemalan quetzales, you take that 3 You double it, which would be 6 You double it again, which would be 12 And you double that again, which would be 24 Or 24 quetzales equals around 3 bucks Now, of course, whatever Latin country you happen to be in And whatever funny money they're using The local gringos who've been there a while Know a few simple tricks to do the calculations And get you in the ballpark Without the use of a smartphone app or a calculator I mean, let's face it A lot of you listeners out there are very bright, very intelligent But you hated math Sure, I know, some of you cheated your way through junior high algebra, right? No problem In that case, you could do what one of my previous Sexpad insider seminar attendees did A lady from Germany Always fastidious and accurate, those Germans

[16:31] She actually made up a little calculator table for herself and had it laminated It's about the size of a credit card And on one side, she had printed the numbers 1 through 100 Representing quetzales with the dollar equivalent right next to it And on the other side of the card, she had dollars 1 to 100 in the equivalent number in Guatemala and quetzales You might say it was overkill, but to each his own It worked for her However, for some, math is not dead Neither is counting on your fingers In fact, even Einstein fessed up to that in an interview How about that? So the next time you're trying to hide the fact that you're counting on your fingers Or taking off your shoes to count past 10 Just think, the greatest physicist of the 20th century occasionally did it too That said, here's a cool email Dear John, just found your broadcast Wish I'd have found it years ago

[17:17] It's me again, let me stop I'd just like to mention here that I get so many emails that start out like that Wish I'd found you years ago So you have to wonder, why do they keep saying that? Well, that's because I don't have much of a presence on the usual idiotic social media sites Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, etc. I know, I know, everybody's on that crap And that's one of the only ways you can get yourself out there in a big way However, I made a conscious decision years ago I wasn't going to succumb to that trivial crap I don't want to know about the Kardashians I don't want to see what you're having for dinner And I don't want to see that well-formed poop Junior just made And I don't want to know that you're walking across the street now And the light's green, about to change Your shoes untied and you got a piece of kale stuck in your tooth So with that bad attitude in mind, it's no wonder a lot of people can't find my show

[18:03] However, they are trickling in In fact, people who have other radio and podcast alternative shows Try to track me down, they always say Johnny, you're so damn hard to find Well, I don't know, I've had some millions of downloads already So I can't be that hard to find And of course, with a radio and podcast show on YouTube It's very hard to keep a low profile and keep your footprint small But I managed to do that Go ahead, just try to find a picture of me on Facebook or Twitter That's why I always tell the attendees at my Expat Insider seminars When you come down and get your plan B in motion There's the added benefit of a once in a lifetime chance To really lower your profile and reduce your social media footprint Yes, you really can get off almost everyone else's radar However, be forewarned If you come down without a definite plan to do that

[18:49] You could blow that opportunity quite easily By getting back on social media Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, etc, etc Now, I shouldn't have to tell you this But you really should avoid taking those stupid selfies You know, that stuff all ends up on the net Then unfortunately, you're right back on the radar again Now, you know when you get your plan B really in motion And you come down here to Latin America You'll have to get a Latin lawyer for various things Residency to get a local driver's license Check out contracts, leases, bank accounts, utility hookups A lot of things But the other side of that coin is that He can protect your identity for you too Keep your well off the radar And how can you do that? Well, with him You don't have to put everything in your name Utility bills, rental contracts, etc They could be taken out in his name or a corporate name

[19:36] And by the way, most Latin lawyers have a couple of spare essay corporations lying around They're already legal and registered And often, for example, your trustee lawyer will lend you One of his spare corporations to, let's say Be the authorized name on your utility hookups Or your internet service or your cable TV Even on leases, cars, and rental contracts So then with all the paperwork and one of his company names Or maybe it's even your company Because, you know, you come down here Many people open up essay corporations themselves Anyway, you get the idea And if you plan it right, you can reduce your footprint to a pinpoint Or perhaps you don't mind being like Bigfoot So in other words, the privacy you once had When you were growing up in the 60s, 70s, 80s, whatever Is long gone, you know that

[20:22] However, when you come down to Latin America You can get most of that back In fact, I know many, many gringo expats who are virtually anonymous No, they're not sitting at home with the doors barred They get out all the time They do everything everyone else does Except they hold very few assets in their own names And they use alternate email aliases One of the best services being start mail And when asked for their home address on a particular document Guess what? They use a PO box or they give their lawyer's address Believe me, your lawyer will be glad to do that You get the idea, or maybe you don't But that can be arranged if turning the clock back On personal privacy is what you're looking for Now, where were we? Oh yeah, let's get back to that email It comes from Jimmy He says, I'm a custom knife maker and bladesmith

[21:09] I'm certainly not rich, but I'm not poor either I've been thinking of moving out of the US To a place that doesn't steal the majority of my money, time, and labor So, Johnny, maybe you could tell me Is there a preferred Latin American country Where I could open up a custom cutlery business? And still easily travel for the trade shows in the US And other countries like France Anyway, looking forward to many more shows Keep up the good work and have a nice day Jimmy Well, Jimmy, actually I am having a nice day I'm looking out the window and I see a pair of toucans Outside in a tree not 20 feet away And down the hillside, coffee fields And beyond that, more coffee fields And still more coffee fields Along with a couple of hills and valleys And mountains and volcanoes and rivers thrown in

[21:55] So when all is said and done, how can I not have a nice day? Now, Jimmy, I don't know if you've ever been to Latin America But since you brought up knives and cutlery Latin America is the machete capital of the world Seems like half the male adults in all the small towns And nearly everyone out in the boonies Have big, sharp machetes In nice hand-tooled leather sheaths That's just part of every male campassino's uniform And many, many women are very good with those things too And since this is Latin America, and you only have two seasons And no snow and frost All vegetation, and I mean all of it, Grows about four times as fast as yours does up in the States And there's always a guy with a machete Within a stone's throw Who will come over on short notice And take care of your lawn or garden with great finesse Well, Jimmy, as I've said many times before

[22:42] All throughout Latin America There are some very high-end neighborhoods And many quite amazing shopping malls There's a certain segment of Latin society A small segment that live upper middle class and wealthy lifestyles And can afford many things So even if 70% of Latins don't even have hot running water There's that upper 2% of Latins That's 10 million people With enough money and time on their hands To pursue expensive hobbies And what seems to be very fashionable these days Are chef schools and cooking classes For upscale ladies and their adolescent and 20-something children Now, where do you suppose that comes from? Well, of course, it's from all those restaurants, chef, and cooking programs They see on U.S. cable TV Remember, they're all down here and they're translated into Spanish

[23:29] So in practically every upscale mall They've got a culinary school, even two With a lot of stainless and the latest and greatest equipment The only thing is they seem to go in and out of business all the time In fact, just yesterday I was in a nice mall And passed a very upscale little cooking school And the students in their nice little white outfits Well, they were wealthy middle-aged ladies And a few entitled kids Some even had their bodyguards out in the hallway Thumbs up their asses as usual Now, if you know anything about chefs Or chef schools or culinary classes You know, they have to buy their own equipment Their kit or tools Very specific knives for very specific things And of course, chefs and their students like to buy the high-end stuff Only the best because they're supposed to last a lifetime, right? Not the flimsy plastic-handled Ginzu knives we use in our kitchens

[24:18] So in all the large and medium-sized Latin cities They have quite a few restaurant and kitchen supply stores And I've noticed there is one brand of cutlery that's everywhere It dominates them all A Brazilian cutlery company called Tratamonia Now, I'm no expert on cooking, cooking utensils, or cutlery But I do know at the high end cast iron Copper and stainless steel are the way to go And aluminum pots and pans and utensils Well, they're for morons In fact, if you use them, you'll turn into a moron So what came first, the chicken or the egg? By the way, for those of you who like to tempt fate and eat street food Since aluminum pots and pans and utensils are the cheapest thing going All the vendors selling food on the street Simmer their stews, rice, and free hollies all day In big old aluminum pots Aluminium for you British listeners

[25:06] Yet another reason not to eat that dirt-cheap street food And you know expat Eddie, a restaurateur himself Says the street food is dirt-cheap Because it's got a lot of dirt in it Along with a lot of other unmentionable and somewhat revolting items So anyway Jimmy, I'd say it's a very good idea to come down to Latin America And continue on with your custom cutlery business You'll have plenty of customers for sure Not to mention all Latin big cities have technical schools Where they kick out chefs and cooks and people in the food service industry In fact, I know a young lady and young guy who graduated from one of these chef schools It's a two-year technical degree As for the girl, she comes from a slightly upper middle-class Latin family Her dad making around a thousand bucks a month And she said all 35 kids in the class had to buy their own knives

[25:54] And most all of them bought the trattamonia stuff She says it's professional enough and well, it's the only game in town So bottom line Jimmy, it looks like there's room for competition in the cutlery business So I suggest you come on down and get some boots on the ground and check it out for yourself So custom cutlery, custom machetes A sharp gringo couldn't make a go of it Ooh And as far as Jimmy's other question He wants to know if he could travel easily from Latin America To some of the big trade shows in other countries I'd say undoubtedly yes As long as he sets up near a major city They've all got international airports And your best bet? Central America because the flights are only a couple hours to any of the big cities in the states And there are always direct flights to Europe too Okay, we're getting towards the end now

[26:40] So let me remind you You can still sign up for my Expat Insider seminar coming up in about two weeks now Just go to www.thenewexpat.com Click on Johnny's 2016 seminar link and you're there And don't forget to check out John Galt's famous pre and post seminar trips too And remember if you're coming on that post trip I'll be tagging along too So it should be a lot of fun Oh and by the way for you Some of our attendees who are still juggling air flights and stuff I just checked yesterday The site called www.fly.com I noticed the lowest price flights from New York City to Guatemala City were around 460 bucks So just check out the consolidators Obits.com Cheapflights.com Expedia.com And fly.com To see for yourself

[27:25] And finally don't forget to check out my YouTube channel See the good, the bad, the ugly and the great photos that go along with the show You've been listening to The Expat Files Living in Latin America Coming to you twice a week from somewhere south of the border Email me The Expat Files at www.gmail.com And if you want me to help you sort out your own Latin American plans Schedule a one-on-one consult with me Just send an email and let me know at The Expat Files at www.gmail.com Nos vemos