#495 – Episode 495: Candid Comments, Cultural Criticism, and the Challenges of Bilingual Hiring

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came up to play and now I wonder Hello there all you expat wannabes I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started Okay today, let's tie together some loose ends that I've been meaning to get to they've been on my desk But I just haven't gotten around to yet We will now first we'll be talking about quite a few emails have been getting over the years asking basically the question

[00:45] Johnny do you ever get into any trouble or any flack from the things you say about Latin America about Latin American? politicians the way you hammer and insult all politicians for that matter and Especially the things you say about Latins. They're often not very kind at all Some of the things you say Johnny are downright insulting to the whole Latin establishment So naturally over the years people have asked me they say Johnny How do you get away with it or do you get away with it? Or maybe you're expecting one day to have someone haul off and punch you in the face Now those were bits and pieces of an email from Kerry in Pennsylvania That's it. A lot of gringles and expats I run into personally have asked me the same questions

[01:31] So our Latins insulted when I tell about the good bad and the ugly in their society I don't think so and why is that well because I can't think of a single Latin American person That's ever listened to my show In fact even when I'm introduced to upscale Latins who know a lot of English and they find out that I'm doing a show like This they'll be polite and ask me the name of the show and how to get it and what it's about But they never tune in which is just as well. Why would they they've got no interest in learning how gringos can come down to Latin America and live like a king on a social security check, etc First of all, they think we're nuts for swimming against the tidal wave of people that are trying to get to the states to have That American dream so Latins have virtually no interest in finding out why gringos are coming down

[02:16] What they're interested is exactly the opposite even upscale Latins who know a lot of English Who could be listening to this show to learn a bit more in depth about gringos and the way we think They're too busy texting and tweeting and posting things on Facebook In fact copying frivolous gringo Facebook postings exactly even photos of the meal or dessert They're having in real time right now at a restaurant And by the way One of the things that really makes me think the world's going down the toilet fast is when I happen to be forced to look At someone's Facebook page and it's loaded with photos of foods and desserts that they've had at restaurants I mean, come on Do you think anyone out there really gives a rat's ass what your food looks like before you eat it?

[03:04] Of course, I don't have a Facebook page, but sometimes I'm forced to look at someone else's and how does that happen? Well, everybody's on their computer or their smartphone device, whatever So naturally every so often someone will shove a device in my face and say hey Johnny have a look at this and more Often than not I'm looking at their stinking Facebook page Then what am I gonna do spit in her eye and say I never look at Facebook Nope, I remain cordial enough under the circumstances and say yeah, I'll have a look That's when I see some of the most boring and mindless things a human being can concoct Namely photos of food plates right before they're eaten I mean, come on haven't you got better things to do with your time now? what would be interesting and I'm sure it would get a lot of hits if you took a picture of that food and then

[03:50] Eight hours later a picture of it as it exits into the toilet bowl Oh and for all those diluted fools that keep talking about how many so-called friends they have on Facebook I'll tell you a little trick on how to find out who your real friends are tell you what you do You eliminate your Facebook you sign off you delete it even though you really can't it's always gonna be up in the cloud No matter what you try to do if you get off Facebook completely never to log into that malignant site again I mean really all it is is a showcase for one upmanship someone posts their vacation You post a better one someone posts his kid winning a race you post your kid winning a race and hitting a triple So all it is is really a subtle game of one-upmanship People trying to outdo each other's stupid photos while they try to outdo each other's plagiarized words of wisdom

[04:42] So then you want to find out who your real friends are after all it was Socrates You said a man's a liar if it takes more than the fingers of one hand to count his true friends So then who are your real friends? Well, just get off Facebook for good. That means Twitter and what's up, too Then in about two or three weeks, you'll find out who your real friends are They're the ones who will actually send you an email or call you up wondering what happened to you on Facebook If you're lucky, there'll be three or four people who will actually have human contact with you you're real friends But I digress as usual So we're back to that question How much trouble do I get in if any for the good the bad and the ugly things I say about latins and their culture Well, let me answer with a little story

[05:30] When I first started with my expat wisdom seminars about five years ago now In talking to my gringo expat friends before the seminars even started. They asked me those very same questions They said johnny you're gonna have a team of latins, right? drivers translators Professionals like lawyers and doctors. They said johnny What do you think's gonna happen when they hear you talking about the good the bad and the ugly a lot of ugly? Concerning latins and latin culture. Don't you think they're gonna get upset a little pissed off even insulted? Some gringo friends of mine would say johnny you're gonna tone it down a bit I mean the things you talk about things like bad roads bad construction techniques brain dead police rotten customer service Guys relieving themselves right out in the open mañana time lazy cops corrupt politicians rickety buses beat up junk cars

[06:21] belching clouds of noxious fumes Drunk macho latin guys beating and cheating on their wives, etc, etc. The list is endless So early on right before my very first seminar when I was rounding up my latin team My girl friday seminar coordinator the drivers and seminar translator ladies, etc As well as the professionals we'd be meeting the it people the doctors the lawyers So anyway, I had a little meeting with all of them to cushion the blow you could say I mentioned i'd be pulling no punches telling the unvarnished truth which might not sit well with them I told them that if they were uneasy about or upset regarding certain things I might say about the latin culture etc. They were free to leave. They didn't have to sign on and guess what?

[07:07] Not a single one turned on the job nor did anyone complain In fact during and after the seminar most of my latin staff totally agreed with my assessment of things Although I could tell some of them agreed but begrudgingly now, what do I mean by that? Well, some of my translator ladies, by the way Had attended and got their university degrees from one of those very crappy public universities I always talk about you know They're free and their government sponsored and they haven't got any water and the windows are broken and the halls Smell like urine and the toilets don't flush a great learning environment Don't you think but then again? It's all about the diploma not to mention most of the teachers and professors there Got those staff positions because they knew or were related to a scumbag politician

[07:54] Nice work if you can get it, huh? Besides it pays three times as much as the private sector In the famous words of one pfc gomer pile surprise surprise So how do you think a person who graduated from one of those government sponsored malignant socialist universities? Would take the kind of 100 honest criticism that I like to dish out Now if the roles were reversed and you had to sit and listen to a guy like me This the school you went to for four years Your defenses would surely kick into even if your school did rate the bottom of the poop pile Like all latin american public schools do but the truth is not one of my latin seminar team members said nope Not going to do it

[08:39] They all stayed on and not one of them complained in fact with all the seminars that i've done I've had a little meeting before the seminar explaining the same thing to the people and of course I still have some of the very team members. I had way back in the first seminar Yep, even with my abrasive personality they stuck with it. So then why do you think that is? Why do my latin team members want to stay on with the seminar year after year and no one But no one ever complains at least not to my face about certain nasty things. I might say Well, it's simple. It's that gringo advantage again The truth is every single one of my latin team members gains So much out of those seminars because they get to meet face to face sometimes for the very first time too real live

[09:25] gringos because remember we're off the gringo tourist trail now where it's been estimated that only one in 20 lens has ever met a gringo face to face or said a single word to one of us Yep They get to meet real live gringos and gringos that they get to hang with from sun up to sundown for an entire week It's an experience for them They all say they'll never forget and never regret and the simple fact is The seminar attendees always become good friends with the seminar team Afterwards most attendees stay in touch with each other and the seminar team too and on their next trip down and the ones they're after Seminar people nearly always meet up once again with these same nice translator ladies. It's a fact they become friends permanently And you know quite a few of my seminar translator ladies end up working for some of those very same gringos

[10:14] They were thrown together with at the seminar So attendees who do come back down some months later when they need some help finding things like land or rentals Internet smartphone contracts banking, whatever they call on their new friends the translator ladies from the seminar And when those new expat gonnabees start up businesses, who do you think they hire? They're newfound bilingual friends Of course And you know people often ask me if I get mad when gringos who come down to the seminars eventually end up stealing some of My translator ladies for their own businesses to which I say no it's a good deal for both of you You've got someone trustworthy who speaks english who knows you a person who's got my particular seal of approval, too So everyone's happy right even me now. Here's the not so nice part of that story

[11:01] Now you may or may not have heard of this international english exam called TOEFL T-O-F-E-L that stands for test of english as a foreign language. That's TOEFL Now that's an internationally sanctioned english competency exam In fact all the helicopter schools in latin america prepare their kids to take this test Before they graduate from high school because if you don't pass that test You cannot be admitted to a university in the first world in the states canada or europe And by the way for a latin person to get an embassy job Let's say at the british or australian embassy or the us embassy They have to have passed that test also meaning they're fluent in english Now note the test is very comprehensive and usually a person has to take four years of english intensively

[11:51] To be able to pass that test and once a latin person has passed it they're considered to be totally 100 bilingual spanish in english So for the one out of maybe 100 latin adolescents who passes that test it really opens career doors Oh, and by the way all big transnational corporations like walmart and costco and ibm hulid packard Microsoft etc. They also require all their white collar people to pass that TOEFL test too Why because again if one passes the TOEFL test he's considered 100 bilingual both written and oral However, this is what you didn't know Now to reveal a little bit of the dark side of my latin american seminar program

[12:39] I have to tell you that all the translator ladies I hire have either passed that TOEFL exam or are preparing to take it In fact some of my seminar translator ladies are actually english teachers teaching at academies or schools Which means they pass the TOEFL exam and should be eminently qualified as translators But you see that's not quite the way it is And i'm sure to ruffle a few feathers here, but listen to this I've never met a single latin american person guy or gal who's passed that TOEFL who can write a letter better than a Fourth grader sure they can generally speak with 99 accuracy and fluency with a slight accent But when it comes to writing a letter or an email, I always always find numerous mistakes

[13:26] No, not typos because the computer takes care of that stuff, right? I'm talking about conjugation problems errors in syntax and tense generally small stuff But you know how picky gringos are I mean, let's face it if someone sends you an email or god forbid a resume Because you've got a job opening and there's even one syntax or grammatical error Or let's say there's a run-on sentence or two with the wrong punctuation Or you see the verb in the subject flipped on occasion Which is what latin's nearly always seem to do occasionally Because in the spanish language the verb comes before the noun And believe me if there's just one little error like that on a resume It'll hit the round file in a hurry now, won't it? So what i'm saying is this if you recruit a latin person who's a hundred percent bilingual

[14:14] Even though they've passed the TOEFL test For a certain period of time you will have to correct all the emails and letters They send out or else you and or your company will look like a doofus because let's face it if you're the boss The buck stops with you. You were the language moron So be prepared when you interview a bilingual person even if they speak nearly 100 Perfect english with a slight accent, of course that'll always happen So then at that moment make them write a half a page or so biography of themselves Then you look at it and count the grammatical errors Do not judge their english writing skills by the precision of their resume. That would be a mistake Resumes can be perfect because they've been checked and rechecked a hundred times not to mention for english majors

[15:01] There's often a chapter on doing resumes. So they know exactly what's required now in my case I've been down here over 25 years and i've hired many a latin bilingual person through ads in the newspaper Even way before the internet and yes, i'd often stipulate that the TOEFL exam was required And i'll tell you when it came to the final candidates 95% of them could not write a letter or an email better than a fourth grader up in the states And the fact is the only latinos then can write a nice precise correct english letter without any help Are usually the entitled kids of the rich who have attended those private helicopter schools and have had Real live gringo english teachers from the first world since they were very young

[15:47] So yes, there are some hundred percent bilingual latin kids down here who can't write perfectly But you're not going to find them answering want ads in the paper The fact is their parents are most likely filthy rich and they'll be sending those kids to school up in the states Remember that's what all filthy rich latin people do they send their kids to university up in the states That's their goal The fact is they want them to be first world in every way And the secondary motive is to hook up with a nice white bread american guy or gal For marriage and kids and all that stuff because that improves the latin bloodline and improves their social status and prestige Having a real 100 educated gringo in the family is even better than having a beach house in my jammy Meaning if you're looking for a 100 bilingual person for business or translating or whatever as usual

[16:38] It's all in the details and latins are short on details There is a real difference in the definition of a hundred percent bilingual Regarding the way we gringo is interpret it and the way latin's interpret it bottom line when you hire one of these people You'll have to be the editor of everything and anything they do for the first few months or so Or else you're the one who's going to look like a slacker In fact, I learned that the hard way when I first started my latin seminars, like I said five years ago I hired a very nice presentable business-like young lady who was working as an english teacher in a private academy Now i'm not talking about a helicopter school. I'm talking about an academy like oxford english academy or burlitz It turns out in every medium to large latin city There are a couple of dozen of such small academies. They advertise all the time in the newspapers and such now

[17:28] If you walk into those places, you'll find out that nearly all of the teachers are locals whose first language Of course is spanish and their second language is english And where do you think they learned their english at one of those terrible crappy public? Universities, in other words, they learn their english in school from books taught by local teachers with bad english accents Who in turn learn their english from books and teachers with bad english accents? So bottom line off the gringo tourist trail. There are very few real one hundred percent gringos coming down to teach english That's why you can get a job down here in a flash teaching that subject So anyway five years ago when I first started recruiting for my seminar team I found a professional young lady with a toful degree 100 bilingual

[18:14] She spoke very good english with a slight accent until she wrote me that first long email It was absolutely riddled with singular plural noun ending errors verb tense errors subject verb agreement errors And most annoying to me sentence structure errors You know like phrases and clauses that don't belong together Now i'm not saying I write flawless emails and letters all the time But people who know me well know i've got my 10 000 hours in if you know what I mean So anyway from the very start from my very first seminar I instructed my seminar coordinator and my translator ladies to always send me an email first before it goes out to an attendee That way I can edit as needed. So I don't look like a jackass

[19:01] So understand in the last five years or so i've edited at least a thousand or so emails to and from attendees Now that's not to say a few boners haven't slipped through In fact, one of my lady attendees at the last seminar did happen to mention to me that a couple of emails slipped through That had some glaring errors in them and she said, you know, johnny, I know you run a very tight ship But how could you let that happen? It makes you look bad and get this She was talking about a couple of emails that didn't come from my seminar ladies. They came from me Turns out I really was the doofus So then you might say how could johnny have the gall to pick on his seminar ladies like that when he makes the same mistakes Well, let me tell you how that happened as you may or may not know most of the time

[19:49] I'm way out in the boonies when I do this show and I have no solid cable internet connection I'm always using one of these little wireless modem jobs are called in a lambrico meaning wireless in spanish And believe me when i'm way out in the boonies I don't often have a connection at all and I have to look for a hot spot And even so when it's raining or cloudy That little wireless modem will snag and actually hang up for a second or two And if that happens while i'm typing a word or two even simple ones like the and and will get misspelled And for some reason the spell checker won't pick it up So while i'm typing it and reading it, it looks fine And then when i'm done if I don't read the whole thing over once again Yes, it just might look like an email written by a fourth grader with one hand on the keyboard and his other hand picking his nose

[20:41] So yes, i plead guilty but for it and technical reasons. Oh, yeah And one more thing when the weather's bad many times i'll be typing and the letters won't even show up for a second or two So I just keep typing and then suddenly the letters will appear one by one, but not always in the right order So being out in the boonies can mean certain it problems Oh, and by the way on the other side of that coin I've been down here what 25 plus years now and my spanish is probably around 80 to 90 percent Verbal spanish that is still my spanish writing skills don't seem to be any better than a spanish fourth graders Again proving it's almost impossible to write fluently if you don't learn it as a young kid from a native speaker

[21:27] So just giving you a heads up if you plan on starting a business down here in latin america and you're gonna hire some local help Be prepared for the fact that you just might have to edit his or her outgoing and incoming emails Even if his or her verbal skills are 100 And if you think i'm being a bit critical or over the top here listen to this At one of my recent seminars. I hired three or four translator ladies And one of those ladies was actually a lawyer waiting to get her results from her bar exam She was a hundred percent fluent english had the TOEFL degree of course because at law schools down here in latin america They make you learn english enough to get that TOEFL. It's a requirement now

[22:14] Okay, so you'd think she should really be on top of things. Anyway, her spoken english was 99 Part of the reason being her father was a wealthy lawyer himself So she did get some english practice in around her house So anyway, I gave her some easy english chores Nothing a diligent high school kid couldn't do up in the states and unfortunately for me. I gave her way too much credit I sent her out to the local office depot store to have some simple business cards printed up Just a plain cookie cutter design with the expat wisdom logo So our translator ladies and the seminar team could have their personal business cards to hand out at the seminar in case later If any attendee planned on coming back down they could easily contact that person if they needed some help

[23:01] Okay, easy assignment, huh? A stateside high school kid could do it Anyway, the first day the seminar came and went we had our meet and greet And everyone had their nice little pack of business cards ready to hand out when necessary And by hook and crook I noticed one of the business cards on the table and I picked it up to look at it It had the nice simple expat wisdom logo on it But then oh no, I noticed a horrible glaring error And you know none of those four 100 English speaking ladies caught that or maybe they did but they didn't tell me anyway Immediately, I thought how did a person who just went through four years of law school a person who speaks perfect english? Screw up such a simple assignment. So now we're well into the event. The ladies all have their cards

[23:49] And yes, they must be happy with them. No one said a thing and they're handing them out Meanwhile i'm staring at this business card thinking man Am I gonna look like a horse's ass here now? Remember all these folks are supposed to be 100 Bilingual and they have taken that TOEFL test which qualifies them to go to university up in the states And get hired at emisses and with transnational corporations Okay. Now you're wondering of course what that stupid stupid mistake was, right? Okay on top. We've got that nice full color expat wisdom logo And right beneath it the name of the young bilingual lady Then right beneath that In letters almost as big as the young lady's name. It says get this error

[24:35] E-r-r-o-r with exclamation points markador no difinido In other words directly under the lady's name It says there is a marking error that hasn't been defined A format error was printed out right on the card Now what makes this all the worse is the fact that the card is in english, of course But the error message is printed out in spanish in large letters Okay Now I ask you if you were up in cleveland at office depot And you had some business cards made and an error message was printed right on the face of the card Well immediately you'd report it to the guy behind the counter and make him fix it, right? Which begs the question down here at the latin american office depot How come the guy or gal behind the counter there missed it too?

[25:21] In reality, it sounds like it was his error all along Don't they try to proofread everything before they hand it to the client the details details This is a first world franchise, you know And like I always say If a gringo comes down here and sets up a franchise you better be on top of it all the time because When left to the locals, that's the kind of crap that happens when the cat's away Bad lazy habits have a way of returning you can count on it So as a result my entire expat wisdom team had been handing out business cards that were not only amateurish But in fact an embarrassment to me The only saving grace being that the error message was in spanish Though quite a few expat wisdom attendees thought it just might be some kind of a joke

[26:07] Since the word error is spelled exactly the same in english as it is in spanish Hmm, so you gotta know if it can happen to me at this late stage in the game I mean really i've been down here 25 plus years things like that shouldn't happen, right? You have to know that things like that are surely going to happen to you So as I do after all seminars, I have a little meeting with my staff And we talk about how things went and everyone gets to speak their piece and we have a little powwow Some lunch and of course you got to know that business card thing came up and it was me doing the griping And you know what no one seemed to be too much bothered about it except yours truly Yep, the buck stops here, you know And again, you have to know it's a latin american thing that people just don't get too bothered or embarrassed about mistakes like that

[26:58] Why again, it's details details or lack thereof This is latin america, you know the third world And that's not to say you can't take one of these so-called 100 bilingual ladies who's got a TOEFL certificate And whip her into the best employee you've ever had in your life I've done it myself and you can do it too however In the beginning you're gonna have to be all over him or her like a hawk To stress and enforce that first world habit of simply paying attention to those little details The border You've been listening to the expat files living in latin america coming to you twice a week from somewhere south of the border Email me the expat files at gmail.com

[27:46] And don't forget to check out expatwisdom.com to sign up for your free reports on latin america See you next time nos vemos