Episode Summary
In this episode of The Expat Files, Johnny Mueller explores the complex and often challenging realities of expat life in Latin America. The episode begins with a discussion on Puerto Rico's current state, highlighting its economic struggles, illegal immigration issues, and the complex dynamics between Puerto Ricans, Dominicans, and Haitians. Johnny shares insights from listener Patrick, who provides firsthand accounts of the challenges faced in Puerto Rico, including traffic problems, illegal immigration, and the government's financial crisis. Johnny also comments on the government's attempts to manage illegal immigration through policies like legalizing driver's licenses for undocumented individuals, which he views as a flawed and unrealistic approach. The segment also touches on the black market for passports and how they are used to facilitate illegal immigration from Puerto Rico to the United States.
The episode then shifts to a broader discussion on the bureaucratic inefficiencies and corruption in Latin American countries, particularly focusing on passport and immigration processes. Johnny highlights how expats can navigate these systems by selling passports on the black market, waiting for them to expire, and then obtaining new ones with minimal scrutiny. He also touches on the chaotic nature of passport offices, frequent government employee scandals, and the culture of paying bribes to expedite processes. The segment briefly shifts to discuss pollution in Latin America, the use of bottled water, and the naming conventions for car license plates in different countries.
Johnny then delves into the complex and often corrupt traffic regulations in Mexico, particularly regarding car ownership and driving restrictions. He explains that cars over 15 years old can only be driven one day a week and never on Saturdays, while newer cars may have more flexibility. He highlights how these laws are not enforced strictly and are instead used as a means for traffic cops to collect bribes. Johnny details the bureaucratic process for obtaining permits and stickers, which are often bypassed through bribery. He mentions the impact of these regulations on expats, including restrictions on foreign-registered vehicles and the need for special tourist passes. Johnny concludes by addressing the issue of air pollution and the effectiveness of government programs, noting that while some pollution levels have decreased, the problem remains significant due to ongoing corruption and enforcement issues.
The episode continues with a discussion on the environmental improvements in Mexico City since the 1989 program, attributing these changes to non-government sources like removing lead from gasoline and reformulating fuel to reduce sulfur. Johnny then shifts focus to a listener's experience living in Mexico, highlighting the challenges of living there, including water scarcity and the cultural acceptance of illegal immigration. The segment continues with a detailed account of a listener's email, describing the cultural dynamics of being an expat in Latin America, including the attention and sometimes discomfort experienced due to their appearance and being the only gringo in the room. Johnny relates to the listener's experience, acknowledging the cultural phenomenon of being treated like a 'B-grade rock star' due to their physical features and the attention they receive.
Finally, the episode concludes with Johnny discussing the unique experiences of being a gringo (a non-Latino person) in Latin America, emphasizing the attention and curiosity that gringos often receive. He uses the example of a gringo at a party, where people might notice and check them out, similar to how a famous rock band member might be recognized. Johnny acknowledges that being a gringo can be both an advantage and a disadvantage, especially in terms of attention from locals. He also jokes about the potential for unwanted attention from Latin men and suggests that having a husband around can help mitigate this. The episode wraps up with Johnny promoting his upcoming expat wisdom seminar and sharing a humorous story about a father and son who were overly worried about attending the seminar, only to later find it hilarious and enjoyable.
Topics
Puerto Rico's economic crisis, Illegal immigration in Puerto Rico, Government policies on undocumented immigrants, Black market for passports, Clandestine trafficking between Puerto Rico and the Dominican Republic, Bureaucracy in Latin America, Passport and immigration processes, Corruption and government scandals, Expatriate experiences, Pollution and environmental issues, Cultural and administrative differences in Latin America, Traffic regulations in Mexico
Chapters
00:00:00 Opening 00:01:04 Puerto Rico's Illegal Immigration Crisis 00:02:47 Puerto Rico's Financial Crisis and Government Bailout 00:03:41 Legalizing Driver's Licenses for Undocumented Immigrants 00:05:09 The Black Market for Puerto Rican Passports 00:06:15 The Passport Game in Latin America 00:07:22 Comparing Bureaucracy in Latin America and the First World 00:09:07 The Ethical Dilemma of Expatriate Life in Latin America 00:11:32 Pollution and Government Inaction in Latin America 00:12:02 Driving Restrictions in Mexico 00:12:28 Bribery and Enforcement 00:13:46 The Purpose of Traffic Laws 00:14:37 Navigating the Complex System 00:17:42 Air Pollution and Government Claims 00:18:02 Environmental Improvements in Mexico City 00:18:46 Cultural Dynamics of Expat Life in Latin America 00:19:20 Etiquette and Cultural Norms for Expat Life in Latin America 00:24:02 The Gringo Experience in Latin America 00:25:08 The Gringo Advantage and Disadvantage 00:26:17 Promotion of Expat Wisdom Seminars
Transcript
Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.
[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came up to play and now I wonder Hello there all you expat wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started Okay. Now if you remember a week or so ago I was talking about Puerto Rico since I guess you could say it's the 21st Latin American country Even though it really is a US territory or Commonwealth and as you probably figured out from my
[00:47] Blatherings on that subject that I don't recommend it except for a cheap weekend vacation if you can book one Well as it turns out one of our listeners and expat wisdom seminar guys Patrick who got the Puerto Rican Conversation started by getting some boots on the ground down there himself. He just shot me an email Mentioning a few things he forgot to say about Puerto Rico and he starts by saying hey, Johnny forgot to add that San Juan Puerto Rico traffic is an absolute nightmare Not to mention Puerto Rico has a very large illegal immigration problem people from other Latin American countries like Haiti Dominican Republic and Cuba are piling in The intent being Puerto Rico as a springboard to the US mainland many of the cabbies as a matter of fact are Dominicans whom the Puerto Ricans look down on and by the way
[01:35] Puerto Rico is one of the only places that's still considered on US soil that doesn't have a massive Mexican population Just thought I'd add that to the mix. Thanks, Johnny. All right, Patrick. Thank you for that update and Like always I have my two cents to add now as it turned out and I mentioned in a past show The Dominicans are flooding into Puerto Rico Because naturally they think it's the next best thing to get into the US since it is a US Commonwealth and all that So there's big clandestine trafficking between those two islands Dominican Republic in Puerto Rico. They're only about 50 or 60 miles apart So as you might imagine at night, there are a lot of underlit boats passing stealthily between those two places In fact, it said there are so many illegal Dominicans in Puerto Rico
[02:24] Looking to the US as their final destination somehow that no one's got an exact figure and get this because there are so many illegal Dominicans and the government of Puerto Rico is absolutely broke In fact, it's bankrupt and you know to back that up I just saw an article today in an international newspaper Saying that Puerto Rican officials are knocking on doors of international bankers and the IMF, etc Looking for bailout money because they're about to crash and burn They're so broke that massive government layoffs and huge cuts in services are the next step to which I say good Lay them all off and cut the services or I should say what services because you know throughout Latin America the only services you really get are the ones you pay for yourself, but you knew that already, right and
[03:13] Here's some news Puerto Rico is so broke that Politicians like so many politicians in the states have the big idea that they can somehow Arrange it so all the illegal said Dominicans and Haitians and Cubans, etc Can be tricked into working on the books and then pay taxes. Yeah, right. Good luck with that So then how do these shit for brains politicians think they're gonna do that? Well, just like turd-headed politicians are doing in the southwestern United States They've authorized a bill to give illegal aliens the right to a legal authorized driver's license Yep, I'm sure you've heard that drill before haven't you? Anyway, the brilliant bankrupt government of Puerto Rico feels that once an illegal holds a legitimate driver's license
[04:00] They'll come out from under the gray cash economy and apply for a job. That's on the books and therefore pay taxes They'll be able to use the driver's license document as kind of a quasi legal ID and proof of residency But you know the word on the street amongst the illegal Dominicans in Puerto Rico Is that sure they'll go get the driver's license, but they'll just keep on with their regular plans to get to the states And how do they do that? Well once they've saved up enough money between three and five thousand US dollars Which is about a year's salary for most Puerto Ricans by the way and about two years salary for most illegal Dominicans Then they connect with an underground passport broker So what's that?
[04:47] Well, you see since Puerto Rican residents can go visa free to the US on their passports Those Puerto Rican passports are good as gold to latins from other countries that cannot get into the US legally without jumping through a million hoops So what some Puerto Rican adults do is they sell their own passports to black market passport dealers for maybe a thousand to two thousand Bucks and then that passport broker turns around and sells them to illegal Dominicans in the country taking into account the height weight and general look of the original passport holder as to best match up the Purchaser with his new passport now if you think that matching up business is difficult These passport brokers can have 20 30 even 50 passports at a time in their possession
[05:33] So it's a lot easier than you might think and besides that remember at least up till now There are no fingerprints recorded on passports and as one passport broker said It's to our great advantage that most gringos think all latins kind of look alike But like he said it's not like you can do a deal like that in 20 minutes Even if they slap down the money depending on your height weight face and general look etc Sometimes you got to wait two three even six months before we find a decent match And then you might ask what happens to the Puerto Ricans who sell their passports? Well after pocketing a grand or two in a sale If they ever want to travel out of the country because they really don't need their passport for anything else All they got to do is wait a year or two or five the longer the better
[06:20] Go back to immigration stand in line for about eight hours as usual And apply once again for a passport saying their former one was lost stolen spindled stapled or mutilated by perhaps a marauding driveway chicken or two And I found out what some cautious Puerto Ricans do who've sold their passports in that way They wait till about a year before their passport's about to expire then they sell it to one of these black market brokers Then after that year they go down to the passport agency and get themselves a new one Reason for wanting a new one the old one expired No heavy questions then and naturally since it is a latin american country the passport office is chaotic and mostly in a shambles meaning the misfiling of paperwork computer problems viruses breakage and the usual
[07:09] computer errors and screw-ups multiplied by 10 Not to mention high heat and humidity power outages poor maintenance if any at all Bottom line in latin american countries the passport and immigration offices, etc Are not one-tenth as organized as similar bureaucracies in the first world, which ain't saying much Oh, and by the way, if you're down here long enough and you know your spanish a bit And read the papers you'll notice that every few months or so There's a mass firing at one of the big government bureaus or departments Why usually because clicks of employees are found stealing or selling licenses or passports? Selling permits under the table or other documents Of course, they eventually get caught because they get greedy or want to demonstrate their newfound wealth or more
[07:57] Likely they just go home and brag about it and that's why by the way So many latin lawyers can grease or fix things for a fee. It's not that the lawyer himself is crooked It's just that's how the wheels turn down here like expat etio. He says what's your time worth? Do you want to stand in line for eight hours? Or do you want to pay some guy 10 bucks and get it done in a half an hour? So then the righteous first world person might say what about all those poor schmucks standing in the sun? The ones you just took cuts in front of well, you can't help if you got the 10 bucks and they don't And if you're not good with that, well, just go ahead and stand in that line eight hours yourself But do bring a book and note you'll be the only one there with one And you know that brings up a much bigger issue
[08:43] For all you expat wannabes and gunnabes up there in pokipsi in cleveland If you are the righteous straight arrow type, you know equal opportunity justice for all You're going to have a hard time dealing with things down here in latin america at least at first Anyway, like one long-term expat told me if you're the save the world type You probably realized already the first world ain't worth saving At least when you come down here, you can save yourself. That's easy Okay now changing gears a bit. I was just talking to my buddy about pollution here in latin america We were talking about how all the lakes and rivers are totally polluted We got on that subject after watching a bunch of stupid europeans swimming in a lake that we know is polluted and has been for a long Long time we were talking about the fact that 17 out of the 21 little towns around that lake
[09:32] Run their sewage and drain water right into it Now the question is should we have gone up to those europeans and explained all that would you? They were french, you know now alongside those folks that were backpackers too and backpackers generally don't give a damn So giving them the bad news like that can not only be a waste of breath You know often they're kind of irritated that you even brought it up live and learn, right? Now on the subject of bottled water, which we were talking about too I've spoken to enough backpackers who've told me that they drink water right from the tap wherever they go The locals do it they say and they're all right after all you eat a pound of dirt a year And I guess it is something like 20 spiders, right? Come to think of it. My grandma used to say that too So what about bottled water? Well, I use it but not to drink directly
[10:22] Maybe washing fruits and vegetables or brushing your teeth with as long as you don't swallow the water Anyway, my buddy who lives in mexico city and of course All you guys who've been there or been in latin america, you know, they don't call it mexico city. It's called Distrito federal Which means the federal district and you know down here in latin america when you get plates for your car It usually has your department or district printed on the bottom of it. So If you're in mexico and you're from mexico city the federal district it says d f on your plate That's distrito federal. So that's where the car was registered Just like for example in columbia the plate will say medin or cartagena right on it Now, of course for smaller latin countries like honduras and salvador and nicaragua It'll just say nicaragua or honduras or salvador
[11:10] The cities and districts themselves are too small and unimportant to be stamped on the plate At least that's what the guy at the driver's license bureau told me Anyway back to the point my long-time gringo friend from the federal district says it's so polluted in mexico city Air water and everything else you can think of even though if you sit down and look at who's doing the real air polluting You'll see it's factories and government-run regular bus and chicken bus lines So you think the government will do anything about that? No Instead you'll see that the government plan is to extort more money from car drivers By that I mean the mexican government has created a huge money making confusing transit regulation bureaucracy Can we expect anything less for example note that some older cars certain cars that are eight to fifteen years old
[12:02] Can only be driven legally one day a week and two saturday's a month And if a car is more than 15 years old it can only be driven one day a week and never on saturday's So then what about sundays who knows now you might ask reasonably in a totally corrupt country like mexico How do those laws get enforced if at all and who really benefits? Well, my friend said as you might expect this law and edicts like it have turned out to be a bonanza for the traffic cops among others Now remember in past shows i've mentioned that cops don't chase you down They have routine roadblocks where they just flag you over and it's become routine Just to pay off the cops instead of getting the ticket
[12:48] And for example, if you tip a cup 20 bucks for not giving you a hundred dollar ticket Since the cops only make about five or six hundred bucks a month and after taxes maybe 400 Just one car paying a bribe of 20 bucks like that is a whole day's wages for that cop Now you have to remember it's not at all like in the states If you have a broken tail light or a windshield with a crack in it and a cop pulls along next to you Surely he's going to pull you over that happens in the states He'll instantly give you a ticket and maybe impound your car But down here in latin america you could have a hundred violations like that and a cop will pull right up next to you Look over at you and smile and give you a wave and that's it And even if you get flagged down at a roadblock They're not checking to see if your lights are burned out or your windshields cracked or you're using seat belts safety checks are non-existent
[13:40] They're just checking to see that you've paid your yearly licensing fee and your car is registered It's not about car or personal safety. It's about the money So then how do cops know how old your car is or what day your car is allowed on the road? Well again, it's confusing and chaotic But some cars have windshield stickers And if your sticker has a zero or a double zero on it That means you can drive any day of the week because it's a very new car or your car No matter how old it is has passed a mexican air quality control testing station But the fact is like my friend said you can bribe those guys too and get the sticker Now if you don't have a sticker like that The last digit on your license plates determines which days you can drive in which days you can't
[14:30] And depending on that last digit you also get a sticker for your windshield If you have a five or six you get a yellow if you have a seven or eight you get a pink a three or four A red a one or two green. So anyway when you first get down to mexico city, you'll find it's a bit complicated But note if you get in a jam, there's bribery every step of the way Which is why you still see a hundred times a day very old cars that are overloaded blowing tons of smoke Terrible road hazards with all kinds of safety violations Now the way it works is kind of strange if your car is over a couple years old and you want to drive it every day You need one of those hologram windshield stickers with a zero or two zeros on it like I mentioned So then how do you get one of those? Well, you can either buy a new car Then you automatically get one of those stickers or you go down to your local emissions control station
[15:20] And if you're in the df the district federal mexico city, you'll wait in line about two to four hours Pay a fee naturally and get your exhaust gases tested now. Remember it's a hundred percent Voluntary to get your emissions tested if you don't get that sticker That is if you don't volunteer to get your older car tested Meaning any car that's more than two years old You got to follow the rule of the last digit on your license plate, which restricts you to driving maybe two or three days a week Clear is a tax form, huh? Now gringos have asked what if they drive their own car down from texas or cleveland? How does that affect them? Well since july 1st 2014 all foreign plated vehicles cannot drive on saturday's at all
[16:09] And then it gets even more complicated if your ohio license plate ends in three For example from a chart i'm looking at right now That means from monday to friday. It cannot be driven between 5 a.m. And 11 a.m And you can't drive on wednesday from 5 a.m. To 10 p.m And that's just part of it There are other even more weird regulations for locals who have cars for saturday's and sundays One by the way, you can get a special tourist pass that allows you to drive anywhere in mexico city for up to two weeks For another fee, of course if you go down and get that voluntary emissions testing thing done And if you don't pass though You probably will because you're coming from the states where you get tested all the time If not, you just bribe the guy or not and of course you'll be in mexico
[16:58] So he'll let you know that he's bribable or not because you know in latin america Anyway, there's always that five percent of government workers who aren't bribable Especially when there are other people around watching because these days someone could catch it on camera Oh, and by the way for your information since I was an engineer in a past life I can tell you it's very easy to beat the emission controls test even if your car's blown smoke tricks of the trade You know that said you might ask with all this huge mexican bureaucracy and the emission control business At last count more than 20 000 lard ass do nothing workers throughout the country Well, then has air pollution decreased as promised? You know, it's a case of yes and no the government says it has statistics that show air pollution has decreased dramatically
[17:50] So then why do so many people still wear masks? And when quizzing hospital emergency room docs, why are respiratory problems always within the top three complaints? Now it's true since the program started in 1989 Certain components of air pollution have gone down but mostly non-government sources say because they took the lead out of the gas not so long ago and Greatly reformulated the gasoline mixture to take out dirty components like sulfur Anyway, that said if this hasn't convinced you that mexico city the federal district the district of federal Is a very touchy place to live Besides the fact they've only got about six months worth of water left in their aquifers, but that's another story
[18:40] Well, if you still insist on hanging or living there, you really are a clueless gringo Okay now for something completely different just a couple days ago I got an email from a lady who's doing a tour through latin america specifically central america She and her husband who are in their mid-40s are just kind of tripping around looking at different places with about 90% of their travels off the gringo tourist trail as recommended by yours truly along the way She said they lived with an immersion family for two weeks and got deathly ill on the food What else is new and she said through that very nice immersion family her and her husband started getting invited to little parties The things that I talk about on the show She said johnny boy, were you right about getting those invites?
[19:27] quinceaños parties baptisms confirmations weekend barbecues And get this she even said she went to a going away party a barbecue for a guy and his cousin who were going to texas Later, she found out They had no visas, but they were just going to go by coyote and sneak in illegally Nope, she said with middle and lower middle class families. It seems kind of like a rite of passage Every family it seems has a few members who snuck into the states and there's no embarrassment about it In fact, they're proud every time someone in the family becomes an american And that's just how they phrase it in spanish. They say mi primo is a medicano My cousin is an american legal or not. They say he's an american
[20:14] So the illegal or mojado part the wetback part is almost never discussed And once again, I'll remind you that the word wetback down here in latin america Mojado in spanish is not a derogatory term. It just means someone who's snuck into the states In fact the word illegal or illegal is almost never used It's if and when they get deported back That's when a dark cloud kind of hangs over the family for a week or two But back to the email She went on to say while talking to one of these guys She found out that he was going to dallas to work in a car repair shop owned by another one of his relatives A guy who'd snuck into the states some 15 years ago and apparently made his mark Now speaking of these little parties and events that her and her husband have been invited to through their immersion family
[21:04] Note that since these are middle and lower middle class families They don't have the money to rent hotel salons and halls So they always have their events at someone's house, which they decorate up nicely with banners and ribbons, etc Most of the time along with a backyard barbecue or churas quera or charasco down here Now here's the part in her email. I wanted to read to you. You're gonna find this interesting. You know, johnny I'm not the most flamboyant of people Ask my husband bob you could say i'm an introvert It's my husband who's more the extroverted type And since i'm a so very light-skinned nordic type of person I blush rather easily And unfortunately often and here's what I want to know. What is the proper etiquette?
[21:51] I mean, what do I do when I walk into a room at some kind of get-together a party or christening or whatever and suddenly Everyone's staring at me not only because i'm the only gringo woman in the room my husband being the only gringo guy But so often with the middle class people especially as soon as we walk into the room One by one the people stand up and sometimes for the first 30 seconds or so it gets very silent Everyone kind of stops what they're doing and saying to pay attention to me And then because I have blonde almost white hair and piercing blue eyes I get the blue oh hoes or blue eyes comments Sometimes along with an ooh or an ah
[22:36] And you know, it's kind of unnerving. They get out of their chairs and off the sofa out of respect. I guess Respect for what I don't know but all of a sudden we're standing there Our spanish isn't very good and everybody's standing up looking at us Then as usual I turn bright red and speechless now I know they mean well and everyone's smiling and congenial Very congenial as for me. I am a bit uncomfortable. I'm no visiting dignitary That's why sometimes I dread walking into these places I gotta tell you I never had that kind of treatment back in louisville. Yes. I know I know I really stand out It's bad enough. I'm a foot taller than everyone including the men and my skin is lily white
[23:24] I guess it must be the hair that gets him. I don't know So then what do you do during that pregnant pause where everyone stands up and kind of looks at you? I guess i'm assuming that may have happened to you too, but maybe not all the best johnny Listen to your show faithfully every week signed june Well june all i've got to say is welcome to latin america off the gringo tours trail Now, you know what it's like to be a b grade rock star. That's what I always say and you're right over the years That's happened a lot to me too And for me i'll tell you it's the height the blue eyes and the white skin And you know when I first got down here and it started happening to me I didn't know if I should go around the room and shake everybody's hand and kiss everyone on the cheek or what And make no mistake about it when you're the only gringo or gringo in the room or at the party
[24:14] You do get noticed and people are always checking you out out of the corner of their eye Just like you might do if let's say you were at a party in cleveland and someone nudged you and say hey You know who just came in The bass player or maybe the drummer from cheap trick or foreigner or ario speedwagon Sure, that might be has been dinosaurs of rock But everybody kind of remembers those bands were popular any one of a certain over the hill hair sweet age that is Now, of course, even when they were popular 35 years ago Nobody even knew or cared who the bass player or drummers of those bands were But they sure got invited to all the parties and got all the backstage passes now, didn't they? That's I guess what a b or a c grade rock star goes through all the time
[25:01] That's why like I always say when you're off the gringo tourist trail. There will be times when you experienced that Obviously june with you you're getting a pretty hefty dose of it and it's really part of the gringo advantage And in your case, I guess a sort of gringo disadvantage my advice roll with it That said I gotta say in a way You're lucky that you brought your husband down to latin america with you Because you know a real blond-haired blue-eyed light-skinned tall gringo like you Would probably have to learn self-defense or carry a baseball bat around because if I know these latin guys They'd be hitting on you like an air hammer In fact, I'll bet they're doing that already aren't they when husband bob's not around, right? So again expat gonna be and want to be ladies
[25:47] It's worth repeating that when you come down here, you're gonna experience some of that It doesn't matter how old or young you are either That said we're getting towards the end of the show now So if you're interested in getting in on an early bird deal for my next expat wisdom seminar The next one should be in july 2015 Just send me an email the expat files at gmail.com or johnny at expat wisdom.com About these seminars now Let me tell you a funny little story about my last expat wisdom seminar, which took place in january Now as usual almost everybody that attended that seminar told me that their friends and relatives said they were nuts Said it was dangerous Said look out keep your eyes open
[26:33] And get this some of the attendees even told me the folks back home were gonna pray for them No lie But the story that takes the cake comes from two very nice smart guys a father and son team by the way who came down Now the dad pulled me aside and told me in front of the son at the very last day of the seminar That his wife was so freaked out and worried about he and his son coming down That she insisted that he write out a few blank checks to her in case he never came back So that she could have access to the bank accounts They said she was crying and sobbing the whole time begging them not to go So I asked them how they handled it and they said at that point they were kind of worried themselves
[27:22] But now when they think back on it, they just crack up laughing Why not only did they find it ridiculous, but they had the best trip of their lives You've been listening to the expat files living in latin america coming to you twice a week from somewhere south of the border Email me the expat files at gmail.com And don't forget to check out expatwisdom.com to sign up for your free reports on latin america. See you next time He was a picture