#430 – The Expat Files: Navigating Piracy, Language, and Tech in Latin America

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came up to play and now as I wonder Hello there all you expat wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here So let's get started. So on my last show on the final topic, which I never finished not so unusual, huh? I was talking about how there is so much pirated software down here Practically everyone has some and as I mentioned when you buy a new computer down here

[00:46] It usually comes installed with the latest and greatest Windows operating system. Haha That's always included or you can have Linux if you want But I don't know too many people who have that though It seems to be the choice for engineers and nerds that said down here new computers also have a Windows office installed But you only get a limited time with Windows office about a month or two And then it expires and you have to buy the full version which is around a hundred to a hundred fifty bucks Which means almost no one on the street legitimately buys it instead They call up those little guys in the yellow pages ads that offer software for sale and buy a pirate version Of course, they don't say it's pirated. They just say software any kind cheap now in the interest of science or maybe in the interest of doing a show on the radio that no one else has ever done before I

[01:35] Bought some of this pirated software Windows office to be exact and it sent me back get this a whole six bucks And a lady promptly delivered it by motorcycle to get this the nearest McDonald's now It could have been any fast-food joint, but that's where I said I'd meet her The fact is she balked a bit when I said I'd like it delivered to my home address and that's understandable because well There are so few gringos off the tourist trail in the first place and to have one call up and request some pirated software Well, it's probably never even happened to that little outfit before because remember what I said off the gringo tourist trail Probably only one in 20 lands has ever spoken to a real live gringo So when they heard that gringo accident voice on the phone, they thought uh-oh, this is not normal

[02:24] Maybe they even thought it could be some kind of a setup, but they came out for their six bucks Anyway, but who knows maybe it was me who is jumping to conclusions Maybe they always deliver at a commercial center or a McDonald's or a Burger King or a Taco Bell Just to avoid the intellectual property police, which don't exist down here yet, by the way But like I said before latin politicians do pay lip service to it Especially when there's a visiting first world dignitarian town handing out money, which is of course your tax dollar, right? And get this occasionally you'll pick up a latin newspaper and right on the first page You'll see an obviously staged photo op with some dickhead latin politicians standing with some first world dickhead politician Probably from your state with hard hats on yeah, right standing next to a bulldozer

[03:15] Crunching a mound of pirated CDs into the asphalt somehow trying to give readers the impression They're actually getting serious about intellectual property rights. In fact get this I've been told that when they have those photo ops It's usually last year's videos and music CDs getting crunched which are pretty much Worthless unless they're current, right? But of course they don't tell you that and for some reason those photo ops always show bulldozers crunching music and video CDs Never pirated software CDs. Hmm. And how did I find that out? Well, I have my sources and you know when I see those photos in the paper myself I just have to laugh because meanwhile right across from the biggest government buildings pirated software and CDs are being sold

[04:00] 24-7 to the local market and guess who those folks are Government employees you get it. This is latin america, you know So anyway, I bought my pirated software from that little lady on the motorcycle And of course the word pirata or pirating was never mentioned or even insinuated Why would it be cash only of course? And so I set about installing it on a computer that I gave away to my gardener and his kid is using now And because I didn't specify I got my six dollar windows office package in spanish big deal In fact, that's good because if you remember in a past show I mentioned You should as soon as you can start installing some of your smaller software packages in spanish It's a very very good way to learn your spanish typing reading and editing skills

[04:46] Now i'm not saying if you're really a spanish idiot Like I was when I first got down here that you should have your entire operating system package installed in spanish That would be like jumping out of an airplane with just an umbrella My advice is if your spanish really sucks say it's between a zero and a three on a 10 scale Then by all means have your windows operating system or apple or linex or whatever in english Then as you add on ancillary programs here or there Click the alternative language button and add them in spanish But I have to admit if you have your main operating system in my case, it's windows in spanish You'll learn a hell of a lot of spanish fast You just can't help it But you'll occasionally want to drive a spike through your eye too because at first it'll be terribly frustrating Talk about spanish it boot camp

[05:34] But where was I? Oh, yeah now the reason why I picked this pirated windows office version was because I knew it was a rather big and complicated program for the average user to install So I figured if I could watch my maintenance guy's 14 year old kid install it Then it might even be feasible for clueless gringos who want to go that route Oh, and by the way, I never met a gringo backpacker type down here who didn't insist on the cheapest route Yes, some of them do bring computers and some of them I use down here too And some of them because of their screwy cheap living arrangements end up getting their stuff stolen So anyway, when I threw the disc in and read the instructions following the setup protocol Lo and behold, I detected some Cyrillic alphabet letters floating by and yes

[06:19] It seems the russians were in on this one, too Turns out a lot of the pirated software that you can get down here in latin america Comes first from crack russian hackers. Try saying that three times after a couple of drinks Now I don't know how these guys go from english to russian to spanish, but somehow they do it So the point is down here in latin america. Anyway pirating is never gonna go away It's here to stay and it's here in a very big way Because if you can buy a pirated version of windows office for six bucks right out of the classified ads in big latin newspapers That instead of dropping 100 to 150 bucks on a registered version Well, let's just say it's all about disposable income down here of which from a gringo point of view Anyway, 98 percent of latins just don't have any now

[07:07] Of course when it comes to running a legit latin business Meaning latin businesses that are actually on the books and paying taxes many of them use nothing but Register software versions, especially when you're talking about franchises which are linked together and networked So in that case no pirated software, you know pirated software is more or less orphan software that has no support So there is no 800 number to call if you get in a fix I mean, come on if you got pirated software and you're having trouble The last thing you want to do is call the windows 800 customer service line In fact even if you have a registered windows software, you don't want to call that line Oh and while i'm at it people ask me this all the time do 800 numbers work here in latin america?

[07:53] Well, I hate to say yes and no, but i'm gonna say yes and no Because you see if it's an 800 number originating from anywhere in latin america, it'll go through For example, if you're in soledore and you're going to call mexico Which you will do often if you have sky tv. That's sky satellite tv Because believe me if you sign up for a contract with sky tv, you'll be calling customer service all the time And i'll tell you more about that later Anyway, i'll repeat if you dial an 800 number that originates from latin america Then you'll get through to the call center wherever that might be probably in india No, I guess that won't happen anytime soon. Have you ever heard anyone from india speak spanish? Well, i'll tell you you probably never will no matter how long you are down here because you just don't see

[08:41] People from india now I get around i've been down here more than 20 years now I've never met a single person from india that actually lived down here Except at maybe two or three indian restaurants i've stumbled across in my travels and even then All the waiters and waitresses were latins and the owners and certainly a cook or two in the kitchen had to be from india But who knows now i've met a few indian tourists and some indians at embassy parties I guess latin america must not be much on their radar yet And how about this just last week. I met two people from get this Nepal And even more surprising they were attending a libertarian conference meeting At the university of francisco mado keen in guatemala the only libertarian university in the world

[09:32] The presence of that high-end university will take some explaining, but i'll save that for another show. So stay tuned Now speaking of getting way off the track here I'm gonna get way off the track here for a second until you don't sign up for sky tv. That's sky You've probably got that up in the states. Well, i'm sure you do Anyway, it's pretty much ubiquitous down here in latin america and it is a good strong steady tremendous signal But their contracts and their administration policies suck. In fact, they're liars What do I mean by that? Well the first and last time you're ever gonna see an actual person and have physical contact with him or her Is when you have it installed and secondly when you cancel that service and they come out to take your antenna down because you're really really pissed

[10:20] Because you see everyone who's got sky tv down here Eventually gets very very irritated when their bill comes Now they don't get mad at the actual programming or the service the channels don't cut out or anything It's a very strong dependable signal. Like I said, however Don't ever expect to pay that low low price of the original contract terms The one they try to hook you with when they run those teaser ads in the local papers Just don't believe those low low initial teaser prices because they'll nail you Like a bank with extra charges. You never even heard of before Now if I sound a little excessively pissed off right now It's because i've been through this a lot of times with this company. Unfortunately A few years ago. I did sign up for that sky service because one of my guilty pleasures is watching old classic movies

[11:10] You know from the 30s 40s and 50s and sure there are hundreds of cable tv companies down here and dozens and dozens of latin satellite tv services too and just like up north you get amc and tnt Tbs in the classic movie television stations, but the problem is if you get them Originating from any latin american cable or satellite company a very high percentage of those american classic movies Will be dubbed in spanish. Believe me if you're like me You'll just cringe when you see that now for those of you who appreciate the classics You know this already to watch a classic comfy bogart gregory peck burt glancaster movie or whatever It just has to be the original in original english Not dubbed by some latin guy in a studio with a bad lisp

[11:57] And unfortunately that's what you'll get if you order cable or satellite tv originating from a latin company And when you sign up at these companies and get the list of the available programs You think you're getting amc or you think you're getting tbs? Well you are but you're not getting them in the original english version Now that's not to say you won't get some original english programming like for example As I flip through one of the tv's down here in central america I notice all the cable tv channels coming in from the states are dubbed except the big three networks ABC nbc and what's the other one? Uh cbs, right? Man have I been gone a long time, huh? So anyway as it turns out there are only two reasons to get sky tv down here That's number one if you're addicted to sports programming because they've got dozens and dozens and dozens of sports channels in english

[12:49] Or number two like me If you like watching old-time classic hollywood movies as they were originally intended to be shown without dubbing So I got sucked in on the second count and believe me i've had nothing but misery with these sky people First of all, they make you sign an 18 month iron clad contract Which means you're going to need a local lawyer to be your fiador or cosigner No big deal there, but it's that 18 month contract that's going to kill you in the end For example, I signed up with a plan that was supposed to charge me 20 bucks a month But somehow it always seems to turn out that i'm paying double that because they've got equipment charges Rental fees maintenance charges service fees even interest fees on what I don't know

[13:34] But you name it they pile on the crap Just like your bank and credit card companies do and you don't find that out Until you're a couple months in and those charges start appearing And when you complain you dial that 800 number and you're connected to some call center in mexico or guadamal or honduras or whatever And well, if you don't mind being put on hold for about two hours, at least it's on their dime By the way when you dial most 800 numbers that originate down here in latin america The person answering that call will always speak spanish But these days maybe half the time the operator will say press one two or three or whatever For english now that doesn't mean you're going to get a crack a1ace english speaker. Not at all So note that even if your spanish is pretty decent You might want to hit that english button because people at the other end of an 800 number

[14:24] Tend to be bored and therefore don't like their jobs. So they speak in a monotone excessively fast That's why even I hit that english button when it's offered And when it's not and there's only a spanish speaker at the other end of the line I admit my spanish is pretty good and still I say wait a minute slow down slow down I can't tell you how many times i've had to pull that one And note that as far as 800 numbers down here in latin america, just like so many times up in the states It's an exercise in futility because you rarely solve your problem over the phone If you're like me If you got on the phone pissed off chances are when you hang up you're even more pissed off Oh and by the way compared to latins americans are big time complainers as a rule

[15:11] I've seen it in action myself. Believe me. That means when latins are dissatisfied with something They rarely stand up and complain. They're not vocal about it In fact, you see that in restaurants all the time seems to me that every time i'm with a group of gringos in any restaurant At all someone sends something back or complains to the waiter about something, but that almost never happens with latins No matter how undercooked cold or over salted the food might be and thus I found many many latins dissatisfied With their sky tv service, but they just never call that 800 number to complain. They just grin and bear it But us gringos we're of a different sort now, aren't we? Which brings up another question over the years gringos have asked me if down in latin america once you sign a contract

[15:57] Is there anything like a 48 hour cooling off or buyer's remorse period? Where you can resend the contract like they do have in some situations up in the states Well in a word down here you can forget about it There really are no such consumer protections though lag time will bring them eventually So anyway bottom line unless you're absolutely crazy about sports and have to see your favorite college teams play on saturday Don't get sky tv. It's just a pain in the ass And if you do have a jones for classic old-time cinema I'd say forget about sky tv too and just download the movies yourself or get netflix or whatever Yeah, they do have netflix down here too. Oh, and by the way, just to clear one little personal point up here I do not watch any other tv network or otherwise

[16:46] In fact for years I had no tv at all And the reason why I have one now Is because it acts as a nice big monitor when I want to watch a newer old movie when i'm in the mood So that means when vacationing gringos or expats come up to me and say hey Have you seen the latest episode of duck dynasty or the walking dead or breaking bad? Or two and a half brain cells or jimmy kimmel or such rot? I say nope not interested. I have a life No, I don't actually say it like that because I don't want to come out sounding like too much of a jerk But anyway, just in case you were wondering, but where was I? Oh, yeah 800 numbers So anyway an 800 number originating from a latin country will go through at no charge Just like dialing an 800 number up in the states However, if you're down here in latin america dialing an 800 number that's up in the states

[17:35] Number one you just might get a funky kind of dial tone as if you've dialed too many or too few numbers And or you'll get a recorded voice saying that those kind of numbers cannot be dialed from outside the continental us But note more than half the time and i've proved this myself by dialing A recording will come on the phone saying that this 800 number is not a free call If you stay on the line, you'll be connected, but you'll be charged at regular rates And you know that recently happened to me when I was helping out an old timer He was calling the social security department up in the states an 800 number We were making the call from honduras and that's exactly what happened We dialed the 800 number and an operator came on saying it was not a free call and if he stayed on the line

[18:20] It would be at normal international long distance rates and since us bureaus like social security and the irs etc operate Like one gigantic turd infested brain fart that one little phone call to the social security administration Went through about seven different operators and about 40 minutes of waiting And luckily the guy was helping out the guy who was trying to make the call Had one of those cheap 15-buck latin american throwaway phones and he stacked up about 300 minutes for 10 bucks In the end, I think he only ended up paying about two bucks for the call But if you're not smart like that and you use someone's landline Let's say or a smartphone from up in the states that you've brought down and has roaming That could easily have been a 20-dollar call Now note there are two easy ways to get around all that well first you get skype

[19:11] That is if you don't mind your conversation being tapped and taped and filed by the nsa and all the other alphabet agencies Or you buy one of those little devices at radio shack if radio shack still exists called a magic jack Or you get it from amazon or whatever and buying that little thing and it's got a usb connector on it for about 35 bucks You stick it in your computer or into any landline phone jack and you're in business Note you can buy that thing anywhere up in the states or down here at radio shack or order it on the internet Then when you plug it in down here in latin america You can call any number in the usa or canada for free and for as long as you like So note with magic jack, you can be pretty anonymous You can go to anyone's house or anyone's computer or go to a cafe internet or a landline phone in a hotel or whatever

[20:01] Make phone calls 24 7 to any number in the us or canada For just that initial cost of 30 or 35 bucks. But where was I? Oh, yeah I was talking about the ubiquitous nature of pirated software down here in latin america You'll find the only place you don't really see much pirated software though You see some is on business computers that are networked together in large offices, etc But as far as the individual private user Sometimes you'll find the only non pirated software is the stuff that came originally with the computer when it was bought And since there is such a huge market down here for used and aftermarket computer equipment You see that stuff being sold in the paper every day, too If you buy any used computer equipment, which I really don't recommend you can pretty much be guaranteed of one thing

[20:48] It's got 100 pirated software in it because before these used computer outfits put their stuff up for sale They format the disc so it's got no operating system or software on it at all And trust me if they're selling a secondhand computer for a hundred bucks or so And when someone buys it it's usually loaded up with software. You can bet that none of it was registered So now and again, the question always comes johnny. Do you recommend we buy that pirated stuff? Well, I'll let you make your own decision on that I'm just telling you what a lot of gringos in almost all latins do So then what about antiviruses? Well, all the usual suspects are available down here for like 25 to 50 bucks a year So you can buy the original packaged antivirus software disc here at the local computer store

[21:38] Or you can download the latest version from the u.s And pay for it by credit card now normally latins who can actually afford a brand new computer They'll buy an antivirus program of some sort at least the first time around and then normally a year later when expires They won't renew it They'll ignore all the warnings in the pop-up windows and won't do a thing about it Until computer gets so clogged up and it's running so slow that they absolutely have to take it in and have it flushed Now it seems like nearly all the gringos and expats I know down here have a current antivirus program running unlike the majority of computers that latin zone details details, huh And that's because as gringos we've been conditioned into buying ourselves a bit of security up front ever since we were little kids

[22:23] For example car and homeowners insurance two items that are practically off the radar for average latin americans here Now i'm sure all of you know by now that there are some free computer antivirus programs out there You just download them and run them now. How good are they who knows? But like this show the expat files you get what you pay for, right? Now note there are a lot of little hole-in-the-wall computer repair joints and I recommend them actually I've used them before and had great results and you can find them in all neighborhoods big and small Why pay double or triple for a repair job? Just because the guy's got a nice office and has some overhead And basically these guys are working out of their lower middle class houses So when you walk in you'll see ladies flipping tortillas and kids on the floor Rastling with a few driveway chickens and be prepared for that slight whiff of dog poop

[23:14] So watch where you step now one thing i've noticed about these little hole-in-the-wall computer repair joints Is that those guys don't seem to be using well-known anti-virus programs that are registered from what I can see They're generally using those downloadable freebies And of course, we could use those too, but most of us don't have a lot of trust in them Hey, whatever works, huh? The fact is one of the latins I know that works at a big computer outlet down here about 15 stores and all He tells me that at the most five to ten percent of individual users buy their computers new the rest get them a second hand In fact, he told me 80 of the sales at his place come from businesses and corporations So bottom line don't be afraid to go into one of these little hole-in-the-wall shops and get your computer fixed

[24:02] And note while you're in there check out all the used stuff that's for sale Now if you're wondering where all those old computers with 40 gig hard drives went At least some of them are down here in latin america for sale at these little hole-in-the-wall computer shops Which means of course you can bring your old computer in there broken or not and they'll buy it from you Or you can trade up or trade down your preference. There'll always be a market for your old junk But you know, as I said in a past show, I always recommend giving away your old computer to your cleaning lady for her kid Or her nine kids or to your maintenance guy for his 16 kids Don't laugh expat eddie's girlfriends got 20 aunts and uncles on her father's side alone That said give your old computer away to one of your workers

[24:48] You'll be amazed at what kind of goodwill that brings Oh, and by the way, when you buy a computer down here, remember all your programs will be in spanish Unless you indicate otherwise. Oh, and by the way, don't think it's easy to switch a program that's in spanish to english It's not simply a matter of checking a box or a window somewhere The fact is you got to check which language is going to be and as you install the program first time Which means when you buy your computer you have to insist right away that certain programs or maybe all of them should be in english So don't think that when you get it home, you'll just spend 20 minutes or so changing things to english That won't happen. Oh, and by the way, if you buy anything down here, not just a new computer Whether it's a microwave or a flat screen tv, whatever Of course the user's manual will be in spanish and some of the time it'll be one of those international manuals in german english and french too

[25:39] But that's not always the case. So if you're stuck with a manual in spanish Get ready for some headaches. That is if you're one of those folks who likes to read manuals When's the last time you read one? But do note that when all else fails you can go on the internet and get practically any manual in english Just go to the manufacturer's website. They're all there now changing gears a second. Let's talk about franchises Now you'll see some of the recognizable franchises down here, but certainly not all So is it a good idea for you to possibly bring a us franchise down? When you are down here long enough, you'll see that maybe 90 or more of the first world franchises You're used to seeing do not exist down here in latin america. Not yet. Anyway, so that would seem like a great opportunity, right?

[26:31] Now would it surprise you to know that there are over a thousand subway franchises in central america alone? And it's well known that in every latin american country they're in it's usually just one big latin family that has locked in the rights Yep, when it comes to some of the first world franchises down here There's one latin family that owns the whole chain and even though you might not eat that crap Anyway, I don't in the end. Not only does the food suck, but it will as you know contribute to your demise However crap that it is nearly every us franchise that comes is simply cleaning up For better or for worse. It's that gringo advantage again That along with the fact that labor costs in latin america are about one sixth the cost of labor up in the states

[27:17] And since in the first world labor is the highest overhead cost You can see why it's such a win-win situation when you bring a franchise down here to latin america Not to mention rents are less than half of first world rents and there are no franchise taxes south of the border Down you've been listening to the expat files living in latin america coming to you twice a week from somewhere south of the border Email me the expat files at gmail.com And don't forget to check out expat wisdom.com to sign up for your free reports on latin america See you next time nos vemos Ah