Episode Summary
In this episode of The Expat Files, Johnny Mueller dives into the unique experiences of expats living in Latin America, covering topics such as love, romance, cultural differences, and social dynamics. From navigating relationships with locals to understanding the nuances of dating and cultural expectations, Johnny shares insights and stories from expats and locals alike.
Johnny begins by introducing the show's focus on expat experiences in Latin America, highlighting both the positive and negative aspects of life there. He references his previous episode on topics such as mother-in-laws, mixed romance, and sexual harassment, and mentions receiving numerous emails from expats with questions about love, romance, and dating in Latin America. Johnny acknowledges that while he is not an expert on Latin love and romance, he has heard many stories from expats and locals. He then discusses an email from Judy, a woman from Detroit, who shares her experiences with Latin men and women in her youth and expresses concerns about the attention and harassment she might face if she moved to Latin America. Judy suggests dressing down to avoid unwanted attention, and Johnny responds by noting that the Latin women in the U.S. are different from those in Latin America, particularly those off the tourist trail.
Johnny then discusses the dynamics of relationships between expats (gringos/gringas) and locals in Latin America, emphasizing that locals generally do not harbor jealousy or animosity towards such relationships. He highlights the 'gringo advantage' where expats are often more accepted and even preferred by locals, especially in comparison to the typical social dynamics in the United States. Johnny uses the example of his friend Eddie's girlfriend and her sisters, who were eager to find a gringo partner despite having Latin boyfriends. He also notes that while there may be some jealousy or conflict in cases involving ex-partners, it is not common among locals. The discussion includes the cultural context of machismo and the prevalence of infidelity, which influences how Latina women present themselves in the dating scene.
Johnny continues by discussing the cultural phenomenon of Latin women dressing and flirting in a subtle yet provocative manner, which is a common strategy to maintain their men's attention in a society where infidelity is prevalent. He highlights the irony of this behavior, as it inadvertently attracts other men, creating a 'catch 22' situation. Johnny also touches on the cultural aspect of Catholicism in Latin countries, where young men often attend church not just for religious reasons but also to observe the fashion and competition among women. He concludes by sharing a story about a Canadian expat who moved to Latin America 15 years ago, emphasizing the challenges of language and social integration.
In another segment, Johnny discusses the experiences of a Canadian expat who moved to Latin America with the goal of starting a business and becoming a 'dictator of his own country.' Despite his initial success, he ends up frequenting expat bars, where he meets other expats who are often described as 'washed out drunken gringos' who are not fully integrated into local culture. Johnny warns that these expats are often not trustworthy and may have ulterior motives, such as seeking help or favors. He advises new expats to avoid these bars and instead focus on building real relationships with locals. The Canadian expat eventually decides to leave the bar scene and settle down, finding success in business and integrating into upper levels of Latin society.
Johnny then discusses the social dynamics of expats in Latin America, particularly focusing on the experience of a Canadian friend who moved off the typical gringo tourist trail. Johnny highlights how expats are often treated like 'B grade rock stars' and invited to upscale Latin social events that they would never attend back in the U.S. He then describes how his friend, after ditching his gringo party buddies, began attending these events and eventually met a wealthy, educated Latin woman. The woman, despite her privileged background, was an exception to the rule of entitled, high-maintenance Latin women. Johnny notes that she was self-sufficient and had her own business, which allowed her to be independent. The segment concludes with the couple getting married and having a child, but Johnny hints at a more complex reality, as the wife revealed a serious conversation during their honeymoon that hinted at deeper family secrets.
In another segment, Johnny discusses a conversation between a Canadian friend and his wife, who is from a Latin background. The wife, who has a master's degree in psychology and experience in counseling, openly discusses her understanding of men's sexual urges and their difficulty in controlling them. She tells her new husband that if he has such urges, he should be discreet and not fall in love. The Canadian friend is shocked by this openness, as it is unusual for a first-world woman to lay such expectations on the table. The conversation highlights the cultural norms in Latin society, where men's sexual behavior is often accepted, and women are expected to remain in denial despite knowing the truth. The segment also touches on the broader implications of such behavior on the family unit and the macho culture in Latin society.
Finally, Johnny discusses a story about a man who runs a factory with nearly all women and only two men. He explains that while the men are needed for heavy lifting, they shouldn't be given too much power because they might abuse it by doling out overtime to extract favors from vulnerable women. The segment also touches on the social dynamics in the factory area, where women ride buses and are often hit on by men, many of whom have families and are unlikely to be caught cheating. Johnny and his friend agree that the conversation the man had with his wife about his uncontrollable male urges was unusual in Latin America, as such conversations typically happen only after a man has been caught cheating.
Topics
Expat experiences in Latin America, Love and romance in Latin America, Cultural differences between Latin women in the U.S. and Latin America, Dressing down to avoid unwanted attention, Relationship dynamics between expats and locals in Latin America, Cultural differences in jealousy and acceptance, The 'gringo advantage' in Latin America, Infidelity and its impact on dating culture in Latin America, Cultural differences in dress and flirting, Infidelity and its impact on relationships, Catholicism and its role in social behavior, Expat experiences in Latin America
Chapters
00:00:00 Opening 00:01:35 Johnny's Acknowledgment of His Lack of Expertise 00:01:47 Johnny's Advice on What to Know About Dating in Latin America 00:02:27 Johnny's Decision to Address an Email from Judy 00:02:39 Judy's Background and Her Experience with Latin Men 00:03:26 Judy's Concerns About Attention and Harassment 00:03:58 Judy's Suggestion to Dress Down to Avoid Attention 00:05:08 Johnny's Response on the Differences Between Latin Women in the U.S. and Latin America 00:05:14 Different Dynamics Down Here with Gringos and Locals 00:07:44 Everyone Seems Happy About the Gringo and Gringa Arrangement 00:09:45 Dress and Flirting in Latin Cultures 00:10:33 The Catch 22 of Seductive Behavior 00:11:19 Church as a Fashion Show 00:12:26 A Story of Expat Love and Romance 00:14:35 The Canadian Expat's Ambitious Plan 00:15:18 The Expat Bar Culture in Latin America 00:16:57 The Risks of Expat Bars and Socializing 00:18:48 Expats and Their Social Status in Latin America 00:19:00 The Shift from Gringo Party Life to Upscale Latin Social Events 00:19:56 The Privilege of Psychological Counseling in Latin America 00:21:46 The Exception to the Rule: A Self-Sufficient Latin Woman 00:22:41 The Honeymoon Conversation and Family Secrets 00:24:07 The Bombshell Revelation 00:25:12 The Difference Between Affairs and Love 00:26:09 The Implications for Latin Society 00:26:30 The Factory and Its Workforce Composition 00:26:37 The Role of Men in the Factory 00:27:11 Unusual Conversations in Latin America
Transcript
Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.
[00:14] Hello there all you expat wannabes, I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the Expat Files, living in Latin America. The show that tells you just what it's like to live, work, play and or retire down here in Latin America. It's a mix of the good, the bad, the ugly and the great and it's all right here so let's get started. Now in my last show I talked a little bit about mother-in-laws, father-in-laws, a bit about mixed romance between gringos and latins, about sexual harassment of women in Latin America and how it goes completely unpunished, things like that. You ought to have a listen. And I have to tell you that I do have pages and pages of emails from expat wannabes and pages long, loaded with just all kinds of questions about sex, love and romance in Latin
[01:01] America, along with mating and dating and all that. And since I'm not Ann Landers, hell she wasn't even Ann Landers, I think her name was, get this, Eppie Lederer. And for all of you guys and gals out there, old enough to remember her and her sister Dear Abby, as anyone from the Chicagoland area knows, Ann Landers had the syndicated Miss Lonely Hearts column that came out of the Chicago Sun-Times and I'm sure you all saw her syndicated in your town too, way back when people actually did read the daily paper. So for like 40 years, her and her sister had the lock on the sex, love and romance angle in the States. Anyway, I'm no expert on Latin love and romance, but I know a few guys and gals who are, that's for sure. Believe me, I've heard all the gringo-gringa and latin latina love match stories and some of them you just wouldn't believe.
[01:47] And there really are a few things you first world guys and gals should know if you're ever thinking about coming down here and having a relationship with someone from the latin culture. So what about all these love and romance questions people ask me to comment on? Well wouldn't that be a great weekly or even daily radio or podcast show in itself since there's a never ending supply of those kind of stories, latin american style. Enough so that if someone did have a show like that, they'd never run out of material. And because the name of this show is the expat files living in latin america, I pretty much touch on everything and anything that an expat or an expat wannabe needs to know or should be aware of before they come down here. So I will occasionally touch on the mating, dating, love and romance angle too. So let me dig one out of this big email pile. I'll pick one right here from Judy. She says, dear johnny, thanks for almost everything you say.
[02:35] Although I don't agree with you 100%, 9 out of 10 ain't bad. I like that. Anyway Judy says she's from Detroit and born in the 70s and she says one thing I'm absolutely right about is that latin men really love gringas. In fact she says all through her junior high and high school years, the latin male contingent hit on the white bread waspy girls like her and her girlfriends and her sister relentlessly. So she says she can just imagine how much more persistent latin guys would be to a waspy gringa who actually did relocate down to latin america. And I'm paraphrasing here, she says I don't know if I'm up for handling all that attention or have the energy to fight it off. Sure, she says, I like a little attention from the opposite sex, doesn't everyone but not 24-7 and then she says she'd rather not carry a baseball bat or a can of mace around
[03:25] with her. And this is good. She says, by the way the baseball bat and the can of mace aren't for the guys, it's for those latin girls who get so jealous they'll confront you or harass you anytime any place so you're always looking over your shoulder. And the thing is, it didn't matter that you ignored the latin guys advances. The latin girls would still have it in for you since their egos were damaged. At least that was mine and my friends experience when we went to public school back in Detroit. Sure the guys hid on us alright, but it was the latinas who had the claws and the daggers. Not real daggers, but you know what I mean. And that was back in the 90s, I heard it's 10 times worse in the old schoolyard today. Then Judy adds, I was wondering, if a girl or a 30 something lady wanted to minimize all that, and she really wants to move down to Latin America, maybe my best
[04:12] alternative would be to come down dressed like a factory worker and skip the high heels in the makeup. Maybe pseudo backpacker style is the way to go. Would that work? Then finally she adds, obviously there are some very beautiful latin women who really dress to the nines. I've been to latin america a couple of times, I know you won't approve but it was on the gringo tourist trail and I recognize that some latin ladies are always dressed to the nines. Even at the gas station or the corner grocery store. So if I make an effort to dress down maybe no one will notice, unless I want them to. Anyway with that kind of competition maybe the guys won't hassle me, at least the everyday guys in the street. Thanks Johnny, looking forward to hearing your opinion on that. Okay Judy, well for one thing you won't have to carry a baseball bat around with you or mace, not for latinas down here.
[05:00] You see the problem is the latinas up in the states are quite different than the normally humble and sometimes quite introverted latinas that you see down here, especially off the tourist trail. Which doesn't at all preclude them from dressing to the nines like you mentioned. So it's different down here when first world gringos and gringas hook up with the locals. His or her latin friends and family and acquaintances always seem to be quite happy about the matchup and no one's pissed off. Usually it's just the opposite. Take for example expat eddie's girlfriend, the runway model whose parents were solidly middle class and quite happy about it. In other words her dad had a nice steady job and her mom worked too. And between them they bought in about 800 bucks US a month. And by the way they do earn US funny money because they're in El Salvador, a dollarized country.
[05:46] So bringing in 800 bucks a month, they even have a car. A 1998 Nissan Sentra, yeah I said 1998. Anyway, a few years ago when Monica and Eddie first became an item. I overheard her two younger sisters who just turned 20 and 21. Say out loud, just enough for me to hear. Now it was their turn. Big sister got her gringo and now it was their turn. And yes they knew I was listening so it was only half serious. But get this, the two of them must have asked me a dozen times when I was going to get around to introducing them to one of my brothers or cousins or any other eligible gringo. And about that they were dead serious. Even though they had steady latin boyfriends who I'd met a few times, their dream was to hook up with a gringo.
[06:31] And they weren't ashamed to tell me why and list all the downsides of having a latin boyfriend versus a gringo. Now I know what some of you are thinking. Did I ever follow through, did I ever hook them up with a gringo? Nope, I've been asked a hundred times by a hundred Latinas and I somehow gracefully changed the subject. Even though on the other side I've had a hundred gringos ask me just about the same thing. That is would I introduce them to some eligible latin ladies. And I say nope, you're on your own buddy. I mean really, isn't it enough that when you come down here as a gringo or a gringo, not only do you have the gringo advantage, but you instantly have two points added to your score, whatever you thought it was up in the states. Meaning you won't need anyone's help in the love and romance department. Now remember Judy mentioned those jealous pissed off latinas up at her high school
[07:18] in Detroit, all rattled thinking the waspy girls in the school were going to steal their latin guys? Well, what about that eventuality when you come down here to Latin America? If you hook up with a latin guy or gal, could you expect more of the same or even worse? Well, there might be some locals or latins in the family that don't seem to like it much, or maybe they are jealous, but you don't really see any outward signs that that's going on. I'm serious when I say everyone around really seems to be happy about the whole arrangement. I mean, take the case of Eddie's girlfriend's sisters. They weren't jealous at all that their sister and Eddie became an item. They were happy about it. It's that gringo and gringa advantage again. Something I'm sure you know just doesn't exist up in the states. Now I've never heard of any latin family fighting or bickering going on about it.
[08:06] Except in a few cases where a jealous ex-girlfriend or boyfriend is involved. Then you really can't rule out a verbal showdown or two. But you know that happens often enough up in the states too between waspy white bread couples. The fact is, bad breakups and malignant jealousies are universal. So when there's angry exes involved anywhere, all bets are off. Though I have to say in regards to jealousy, until you get to see how it works in macho latin society, you ain't seen nothing yet. So then what about that idea of gringos and gringas coming down and stealing all the eligible latin guys and gals. Does that thought circulate around down here with the latin population? In a word? No way Jose. I know that's three words, but I just had to throw that in. Anyway, the locals don't carry any outward jealousy or animosity.
[08:55] Like Judy mentioned with those latin girls in high school with their claws and daggers. And she's right about the fact that latin guys of all social classes really would love to hook up with a gringo. Whether it's for one night or forever, preferably forever. And the reasons for that are too numerous to mention here, but I've mentioned most of them on past shows, so do check out the archives. Anyway, Judy's also right about the fact that there are limitless numbers of beautiful latina women here who do dress to the nines and are in very heavy competition with each other. And the fact is there's so much infidelity and attempted infidelity going on around here that many latin women feel the answer to that is to dress sexier and be more provocative. And by the way that epidemic of infidelity we're talking about is nearly
[09:42] always instigated by the male since it is a macho society. So like I said, a high percentage of latin women, both the very beautiful and the everyday average ones too, dress much more sexy than their counterparts up north. Not to mention it is a society where the ladies really like to flirt. But the flirting though obvious is not vulgar or crude. It's a very subtle kind of flirting. And as latin ladies themselves will tell you, it's not prolonged eye contact or heavy batting of long eyelashes. That's not what we're talking about. It's more about the provocative way that many latinas dress, walk and carry themselves and the way they speak, as well as those impossibly tall high heels, they all seem to love the wear. Even in places where the streets and sidewalks are in such disrepair that
[10:27] they really do risk breaking a leg. And as X-Pad Eddie says, what's not to love about that? And if you think about it, it really is a catch 22. Latinas are painfully aware that a very high percentage of latin men are unfaithful. So to counter that, they have the idea that if they dress seductively and flirt, that'll keep the attention of their man and keep them from straying. And you can see where that's going. That means if a high percentage of latin women dress seductively and flirt too, and they do, primarily to outshine the competition, trying to keep their men interested, then there'll be that unintended secondary effect of attracting other men like bees to honey. It's a conundrum and a catch 22 that's been going on for ages and a subject for a thousand master's theses, especially since in such an outwardly
[11:13] Catholic Christian society. And there's no more telling evidence of that phenomena than if you happen to ask adolescent latin boys and young men why they go to church on Sunday. Because you see, young latin men really don't have to go to church. Latin girls, ladies, mothers, and grandmas are super dedicated to going. But young men, they can easily get out of it if they wanted to. But many don't. The honest ones will tell you they go to see what the girls are wearing because with the young ladies, Sunday Mass is a fashion show. And there's a lot of competition going on there. And no, I'm not saying that these young ladies dress sexy on purpose in church, no less. But let's just say they don't dress unsexy, whatever that means. And by the way, that's a direct translated quote from a 20 something Latina
[12:01] who told me she never ever misses Sunday Mass. And she was very adamant when she told me that her and her sisters and her mother go to church on Sunday because number one, they're all good Catholics and it's a proper thing to do. And yes, she did admit that you have to look sharp because after all, the young men and boys are always watching. And since we're on that subject of flirting, which is directly related to sex, love, and romance, I think this would be an appropriate time to tell you another true, very un-PC story of expat, love, and romance, Latin style. Though maybe it's not so appropriate, but I'm gonna tell it anyway. Because expat wanna bees and gonna bees really need to know these things. And when I first heard this story, I thought to myself, man, it would be a cold day in hell if this ever happened up in the first world. But if you come down here, this could happen to you.
[12:49] And this time we'll be talking about a long term expat friend of mine, who's a Canadian. A guy who came down here about 15 years ago, started up a business or two and who's now very successful and would never go back to Canada. Unless like he said, someone in the family died. And even then, he'd consider giving his condolences by Skype or Mumble. Have you heard of Mumble? M-U-M-B-L-E? It's a completely free, encrypted, and anonymized form of Skype. Meaning it's one place you can speak freely and the NSA cannot listen in. Well, they could of course if they put a couple of men on it and reserve some supercomputing time, but they're not gonna do that to you, right? Anyway, just look up Mumble on the web, download it, and start using it. And give the NSA and the rest of those alphabet agencies the flying finger. And I say, why not?
[13:36] Anyway, when my Canadian friend came down here around 15 years ago, his Spanish was non-existent and it still sucks. Even now, after all that time, believe it or not. Anyway, 15 years ago when he first got down, he did what comes natural to a lonely first world person not knowing anyone here. He congregated with other gringos. Almost exclusively male gringos too, since back then anyway, very, very few first world expat gringa ladies would ever think to come down alone and on their own. Though I have to admit, a very small trickle of first world women would come down on a backpacking Spanish learning sojourn to a particular Latin American city or country, mostly to do the Spanish family immersion thing and to see the ruins and the pyramids and such. Though you'd almost never find them off the tourist trail,
[14:24] permanently settling as single women with an intent to start a business on their own. I like so many adventurous single first world males, like my Canadian friend whose whole idea was to come down, start a business or two and conquer the known Latin world and become a dictator of his own country. You know the old saying, always aim a little higher than your reach, right? So anyway, in his first five years down, my Canadian friend was doing the Latin big city thing off the tourist trail, way off the gringo tourist trail I might add, in Honduras, Nicaragua, Salvador and Guatemala. So being on his own, having very crappy Spanish and not knowing anyone down here, he ended up like so many young first world guys in that position do, by congregating and meeting with mostly other first world guys
[15:09] at the expat gringo bars. And like I said, in every medium and large sized Latin city, no matter how far you are off the gringo tourist trail, you'll always find a well-known locally famous expat bar, where you'll meet a lot of washed out drunken gringos who are poster boys for a Jimmy Buffett song. And they'll even be a token first world gringo or two in the bar, probably the owner. And don't think these first world guys and gals have gone native, they haven't, they're just somewhere in between. Going native is a whole different thing altogether and you'll see that when you head out to the beaches and the beach towns. You know, permanently red faced wrinkly gringos, scruffy clothes, greasy hair, gnarled yellow toenails and Jesus sandals, sipping on beer all day, you know the type. And the real telltale signs? They've lost track of their own hygiene
[15:55] and forgotten there's a product called deodorant. Now expat Eddie doesn't quite agree with my description of gringos who've gone native, because he said it also describes German and Eastern European tourists. Eddie says you can always smell them before you see them. And he ought to know a lot of them come into his restaurants. And let me warn you guys and gals right now, you wannabes and gonabes. Those gringo expat bars I'm talking about are pretty well tainted. And the Latins that go in and out of those places, trying to hang and socialize with gringos, are generally not the kind of people you want to become good friends with. Though of course there are exceptions. Now as cynical and rotten as this might sound, they're hanging around there because they want something from you. Or quote, they'll help you with anything you need. Apartment hunting, real estate, transportation,
[16:42] shopping, hanging out and of course all on your dime. And just who are their contacts? Who are they going to introduce you to? Why their own friends and relatives of course. Who also want something from you. And how do I know that? Well I've seen it happen dozens of times and to my own friends. So what I'm saying is be very wary of Latinos and Latinas hanging around in those gringo expat bars. You get the idea right? Which is why I advise all you green gringos and fresh expats to avoid those places no matter how much you're drawn to them. And I know that's especially hard at first when you don't know anyone. And that feeling gets worse when the holidays come around. Christmas, Easter, New Year's, 4th of July, Memorial Day. All those events you see are celebrated heavily at those gringo expat bars. Which means if you're lonely and homesick, it's pretty hard to keep away.
[17:29] So anyway, my single Canadian friend who at the time was about 35. He hooked up with the usual suspects at the local gringo expat bars and was burning the candle at both ends every night. Yet his business was absolutely booming which isn't surprising since most gringos after a bit of boots on the ground could start a successful business. Drunk, sober, blindfolded, or with a two-digit IQ like Bush Jr. Anyway, my Canadian friend realized he just couldn't keep on going burning the candle at both ends. So after seeing a few of his gringo friends crash and burn, like for example one 50 year old expat German buddy of his. There I go with the Germans again, right? Who was told he had to quit drinking completely or end up with a liver transplant. Anyway, that's what happens when you have a lot of time in your hands. No hobbies except the expat bars and drinks are dirt cheap.
[18:17] So after a scare or two with his friends like that, my Canadian buddy decided the only way to live a nice, long, happy life would be to ditch the gringo bar scene completely. He was determined to settle down with a nice young lady and live the normal life. Family, kids, all that. Now the thing is, being a gringo with a successful business, he along with that and the gringo advantage found himself hobnobbing with the upper levels of Latin society. The so-called helicopter and bodyguard crowd. After all, like I've mentioned in so many past shows, when you're off the gringo tourist trail and there are a few gringo or gringa permanent expats like yourself, you're treated like more or less a B grade rock star and you do get invited to events that you'd never get invited to if you were living back in Cleveland.
[19:04] So basically he ditched his gringo party buddies, which was a very difficult thing for him he said, and he started accepting casual invitations to upscale Latin social events that he'd always avoided or turned down before, since like he said, they were not only dead boring but filled with pretentious jerks. And man, do I know where he's coming from. I don't go to those things either and for the same reasons. Anyway, soon enough he met a pretty young Latin lady who had a useless masters in psychology. But because she came from a very wealthy family, her dad set her up in the psychological counseling business and she actually did have a pretty steady trickle of clients. With a lot of disturbed kid referrals, coming from the expensive private grade schools and high schools whose parents were in that stratospheric 1% of the population who could afford useless psychological counseling
[19:51] that 99% of the rest of Latin American society could never pay for or have access to, which is surely a good thing. But since in the first world, it's all the fashion to counsel so-called psychologically disturbed grade school and high school kids, you had to know that eventually through that lag time effect, that disturbed kid counseling fad would trickle down here too. So now the entitled kids of the idle stinking rich are trickling into counseling sessions, which by the way is kind of a badge of honor since it is a real upscale gringo thing to do. I mean, come on, living in Latin America and having your kid go to his own personal shrink? Now that's class gringo style, huh? But I digress as usual. Anyway, my Canadian buddy met this nice rich educated Latin woman from the body garden helicopter set and it probably never would have happened
[20:37] except for the fact that she spoke English quite well. So he had an instant bond with her since like I said, his Spanish really sucked. And you might wonder how he could be so Spanish illiterate having spent five years well off the gringo tourist trail. Well, it just proves the point that hanging around with gringos all the time is not good for your Latin social skills. And even though at the factory he owned, he had maybe 50 or so workers who spoke nothing but Spanish, he'd hired a manager who was totally bilingual. So yet another obstacle along the way to learning Spanish. So anyway, he met this nice young upscale Latin lady whose parents had money in center to all the right schools, meaning the most exclusive and expensive ones. Now from what I've told you about upscale Latins and past shows and their entitled bratty kids, you'd think she'd be a spoiled high maintenance type
[21:24] but she is really the exception to the rule. Though by the way she dressed in all designer clothes and the toys and the things she had, at first glance anyone would think she was very high maintenance. I mean, she grew up having a bodyguard and if that's not high maintenance, I don't know what is. But I had to hand it to her. She earned enough from her own business to not have to tap daddy for anything, which believe me puts her in a rare category. Though of course none of that would have been possible had her daddy not given her the keys to a floor in one of the office buildings that he owned. I'm sure that helped. We'd all like to have a graduation present from daddy like that now, wouldn't we? So anyway, my Canadian friend married his upscale Latin sweetheart and so they had a nice kid who they sent off to all the right bilingual helicopter schools with bodyguards too
[22:11] and they lived happily ever after. You think? Well, not quite. Because here's what my friend told me in private about the conversation that he and his new wife had had just a few days after they got married. Believe it or not, they were on their honeymoon when she sat him down for a very serious conversation. In fact, he was a bit nervous thinking that maybe now that they were married she was gonna reveal some terrible family secret to him. So he bit his lip and listened to what she had to say. And in a nutshell, here's what it was. She started out by saying, as a matter of fact, she knew quite a bit about men. After all, she had a father, a stepfather, and a couple of brothers. And a master's degree in psychology from a first world school. Not to mention she was in the psychological counseling business.
[22:57] So she knew plenty of damaged people and the psychological traumas that mostly infected the wealthy class. And of course you have to assume she knew quite a bit about the poorer classes too. And all of their peculiarities and traumas. Since all her life she lived with cleaning ladies and maids and bodyguards, rubbing shoulders in two different worlds. The rich elite and the working poor just scraping by. But they weren't her patients. Her career expertise was with the wealthy. Anyway, she started out the conversation by saying she knew quite a bit about men. And she understood they were a lot different from women in regards to fidelity. And that they had particularly strong sexual urges that they had difficulty in controlling. Now at that point when the sex thing was brought up, my Canadian friend admitted to me
[23:43] he really did suspect she was going to confess to being raped by her father, or brother, or a bodyguard, or something. So he sat there kind of paralyzed waiting for the punchline. Thinking the worst. Because all of us long term experts have heard of those incest and rape stories. And the fact is every Latin family seems to have a deep dark secret like that hidden somewhere. Seems like every family has their perverted uncle Julio. Then she dropped the bombshell. She went on to say that if he, her new husband that is, had those kind of male urges himself, which she recognized was of virtual certainty, she made it clear that she didn't like it. But since men were men, all she asked was that when he had his urges, he'd be discreet about it and she warned him, just don't fall in love.
[24:31] And after she laid all that on my Canadian friend, her new husband, he told me he was speechless and practically in shock. Since he knew back where he came from up in Canada, a conversation like that between newlyweds could not have taken place in a million years. Unless maybe it was between a couple that met at a swingers club or something. In fact, he said he knew of no first world women who would ever have agreed to such an arrangement, much less lay it right out there on the line plain as day. In effect, she was giving him implied permission to go out and do what most other Latin men do on the sly. Not to mention his new wife's brothers and father and stepfather, who he knew were all playing around on their wives. But the difference there was, they had mistresses, not one night stands. So that did mean they probably were in love,
[25:18] which was something my Canadian friend's wife warned him about. And my friend was sure that the ladies in the family knew this stuff was going on, but preferred to live their nice protected wealthy lives and remain in denial. And he made it clear to me that in no way was his wife asking for permission to do the same herself. Now, the fact is, I know his wife and she's a very nice person and very smart too. And as for me, as well as my Canadian friend, it seems like it was her attempt to head off any future marital problems at the pass. And one thing's for sure, that was a very unusual conversation. Because he and I both know most Latin women are in denial or suffer with the fact that their husbands and boyfriends and dads and brothers are, to put it nicely, submitting to their male urges. And in fact, a statement like that
[26:03] coming from an upper class Latin girl like her really does say an awful lot about the macho Latin society and what it's done to the family unit. Now, my Canadian friend also tells me stories about his female factory workers. He tells stories of how these lower and middle class worker ladies of his are constantly being harassed by men working at nearby factories. And how some of these guys hang around like dogs outside the plant at lunch and at the end of the day when the ladies go home. And he tells me that one of the greatest discoveries he ever made was that he could run the whole factory with nearly all women and only two men. He says you need a few guys to do the heavy lifting. And he says you can't give those guys too much power. Because they'll use that power, for example, doling out overtime to extract favors from women who are vulnerable and need the money.
[26:50] And since this is a factory section of town and all the ladies ride buses, certain ladies under 40 are constantly being hit on. And the guys hitting on them? The vast majority of them have a wife and kids and a home and a family life. And the thing is, my friend and I have talked about this and we both agree that that conversation his wife had with him was way out of the ordinary for Latin America. Now, we're not saying that conversation never happens. It probably happens a lot. But generally only after the guy's been caught cheating. Then there's that sit down. But in this case, he's the one telling her about those uncontrollable male animal urges. And the thing is, he knows she'll almost always fall for it and forgive him. You've been listening to
[27:37] The Expat Files, living in Latin America, coming to you twice a week from somewhere south of the border. Email me, theexpatfiles at gmail.com. And don't forget to check out expatwisdom.com to sign up for your free reports on Latin America. See you next time. Nos vemos.