Episode Summary
In this episode of The Expat Files, Johnny Mueller discusses a variety of topics related to life in Latin America. He begins by responding to an email from Robert about stargazing conditions in the 'boonies.' Johnny explains that while small cities have minimal air pollution, cooking with wood is common and creates a distinct smell. He highlights the Altiplano region's high altitude and clear skies, and shares his experience with a Russian spotting scope. He also references a wealthy Latin American man who bought an expensive telescope, which fell into disuse.
Johnny then discusses the tendency of wealthy individuals to purchase high-end items that eventually fall into disuse, using examples like a space telescope and musical equipment. He highlights the challenges of maintaining such items in tropical climates, which can damage delicate instruments. The segment transitions into a story about root canals and the unique dental practices in Latin America, where specialists often make house calls and are typically trained in the first world.
In another segment, Johnny discusses the real estate market in Latin America, highlighting the concept of a real estate bubble. He explains that the market is driven by wealthy individuals, including corrupt politicians, narco traffickers, and businessmen, who are investing in real estate due to low interest rates and the need to launder money. Johnny predicts that the bubble will burst, leading to a decline in property values and an oversupply of properties with no buyers. He compares the situation to the U.S. housing market crash in 2007-2008, noting similar signs such as 100% financing, no-money-down mortgages, and properties sitting empty. He also mentions that Argentina is an exception to the trend due to poor government management.
Johnny then discusses the financial challenges faced by wealthy Latin Americans due to the real estate bubble. He highlights how maintaining multiple properties and the associated costs have become unsustainable, leading to a financial pinch for these individuals. He also touches on the lifestyle changes that may be necessary, such as downsizing homes and vehicles, and the social implications of these changes, particularly for families with young children. The segment also includes a brief discussion about the healthcare system in Latin America, noting the differences in how specialists and general dentists operate compared to the first world.
In another segment, Johnny discusses the challenges of finding good dentists in Latin America, particularly highlighting the difficulties faced by expats. He mentions the limited options for dental care, such as working at the National Healthcare Hospital or becoming a general dentist, which often leads to a lack of specialization. Johnny shares a story about an endodontist who is actually a wealthy multimillionaire in financial trouble, revealing that the dentist's wealth and lifestyle have changed dramatically. This story underscores the complexities of the dental profession in the region and the potential for both high-quality and low-cost care. Additionally, Johnny addresses a question about vegetables in Latin America, noting that they grow all the familiar vegetables but also have many unique and unfamiliar ones with strange names.
Finally, Johnny discusses the variety of strange and exotic vegetables found in Latin America, emphasizing that they are a vegetarian's paradise. He also addresses a hypothetical question about the legality of getting a notary or lawyer to falsely witness a document for a gringo who has only recently arrived in the country. Johnny explains that such falsifications are common and relatively inexpensive in Latin America, contrasting it with the higher costs in the first world. He further compares the cost of illegal services like hitmen in the U.S. versus Latin America, highlighting the stark price differences. The segment ends with Johnny inviting listeners to contact him for consultations.
Topics
Stargazing in Latin America, Air pollution and cooking with wood, The Altiplano region and its clear skies, Optical equipment in Latin America, Expensive hobbies and their eventual disuse, Wealth and consumerism, Maintenance of high-end items in tropical climates, Dental practices in Latin America, Perceptions of gringos and wealth, Real estate market in Latin America, Real estate bubble, Investment in real estate by wealthy individuals
Chapters
00:00:00 Opening 00:00:52 Stargazing in the Boonies of Latin America 00:02:31 A Real Show: Stargazing in the Outback 00:04:36 The Altiplano Region: A Stargazer's Paradise 00:05:06 The Space Telescope and the Problem of Unused Luxury Items 00:06:39 A New Story About Wealthy Latins and Root Canals 00:09:53 The Lack of Awareness About Root Canals in Latin America 00:10:09 Johnny's Prediction About the Real Estate Bubble in Latin America 00:12:55 Argentina as an Exception to the Real Estate Market Trend 00:14:23 The Financial Pressure of Maintaining Properties in a Bubble Economy 00:15:15 The Case of Antigua Guatemala and the Real Estate Bubble 00:16:32 The Impact of the Real Estate Bubble on Wealthy Latin Businessmen 00:19:27 The Challenges of Dental Care in Latin America 00:20:00 Selecting a Qualified Dentist 00:20:27 The Wealthy Dentist's Financial Struggles 00:23:48 Vegetables in Latin America 00:24:08 Strange Vegetables in Latin America 00:24:42 The Experience of Local Food Markets 00:25:58 Legal Falsifications in Latin America 00:27:06 Cost of Illegal Services in Latin America
Transcript
Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.
[00:14] Hello there all you expat wannabes, I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the Expat Files, living in Latin America. The show that tells you just what it's like to live, work, play and or retire down here in Latin America. It's a mix of the good, the bad, the ugly and the great and it's all right here so let's get started. Now let's kick off the day with a few emails, this time from one of my most prolific contributors Robert. He's always got something interesting or controversial to add to the mix. And now he says, Johnny you may have had the experience as I have of going way out in the outback beyond any artificial lights and seeing the stars shining with an unusual clarity. So I wonder Johnny, what are the conditions for stargazing in Latin America out in the boonies? Well, that's an easy one for a change.
[01:00] In Latin America you don't have to be out in the boonies to stargaze, since all the medium in small cities don't have much air pollution at all. Heavy manufacturing and smokestack industries are very sporadic in Latin America. And because of that, in the small cities and the towns out in the boonies there is almost no air pollution. Well, I take that back. Wherever there's a concentration of lower middle class and poor people, indigenous people, everybody's cooking with wood. And though you might not be able to see it, you can sure smell it. Now that's a big deal down here, yet it doesn't seem to accumulate or hang in the atmosphere. Though it does seem to penetrate everything. The clothes and the hair, you know like your good old college days hanging out at the bars. Back then, people did smoke like fiends inside. It was actually legal and encouraged.
[01:47] And you just got used to it, until you came home and you realized you smelled like a white trash carny and your mother wouldn't let you sit on the furniture. So anyway, down here in Latin America you have to get used to that smell. It's everywhere, because half the people cook with wood. Though it's a nice, pure, outdoorsy smell. Like a camping trip bonfire. And some people, you know, actually like that smell. I'm talking about expats and gringos who are obviously ex-boy scouts and campfire girls. And pyromaniac gringos like expat Eddie and my brother. Not that they're into arson or anything, they just like to watch things burn. And I know some of you guys out there feel the same way. You know who you are. Anyway, once you get about 5 or 10 miles out from any medium or large city, look out, you're in for a real show. And I can't recall when I've been out stargazing myself, when I haven't seen a meteor or two.
[02:37] After about 15 or 20 minutes of looking up. And for all you guys and gals who never took a hard science course, a meteor is the flash of light you see when you're looking up. And a meteorite is the piece that lands on the ground, if it's lucky enough to make it that far. And probably only 1 in 10,000 actually do. And if you're located in the Altiplano region, about 3,500 feet above sea level and higher. You really get a sharp, crystal clear view of the skies. And that's why maybe 10 years ago, I bought myself a nice Russian made spotting scope. And why Russian? Because they're good at optics, they're cheap and available down here in Latin America. Whereas the European and American stuff that you find in specialty outdoor sporting shops that sell tents and camp stoves and things like Swiss army knives.
[03:23] Well you see, any optical equipment like telescopes and spotting scopes sold in places like that. If you look closely at the stickers and the labels, chances are it was designed in the states but made in China. So given a choice, I'd rather buy Russian than Chinese. Some choice huh? Kinda pathetic actually. But that's another story, and by the way, every medium to large city in Latin America have plenty of those outdoor sports and camping stores. So expat wannabes, don't buy that stuff up in the states and ship it down. You can get all that stuff for just about the same price down here. So anyway, I bought a very nice Russian spotting scope for about two or three hundred bucks. And I can tell you it was worth every penny since down here when you're closer to the equator, when there's a full moon and you're a ways out from the city, the clarity and
[04:11] the depth of the night sky is almost unreal looking. And you know I always thought in those Hollywood movies where they have great photography and you see things like the moon and the stars larger than life. I used to think there was some special effects involved, but after being down here a while, I know those full moons don't look anything like they did up in Chicago. In fact it's hard to believe you're looking at the same sky at all. So if stargazing is your hobby, you really have to find an excuse to move down here to the Altiplano region because this is as good as it gets. Now I do happen to know a wealthy Latin guy who had a nice expensive motorized telescope installed on the roof of his house out in the boonies. Actually it's more a sprawling mansion than a house. He comes from a family of sugar barons, so there's old money in that family.
[04:56] Anyway, he thought a nice motorized 20-inch reflector telescope would be a very nice hobby for him and his kids. I think he said it set him back about $7,000. Now he installed that thing about 12 years ago and as would often happens when rich guys buy toys like that on a whim, then they fall into disuse, always with the best of intentions of course. Well unfortunately it's just a pile of junk now. You know what I mean, it's like that ab cruncher and all that exercise equipment riding away in your closet. Best of intentions, right? Anyway it's kind of a sad state of affairs, at least it's up on the roof where you don't have to look at it. But when he had that thing first installed, while it lasted, that thing was a real gateway to the stars. And with him it just turned out to be a case of too much money and too many toys. Just like when one of his kids wanted to take guitar lessons.
[05:44] So naturally his old man went out and bought him high grade professional equipment, equipment that even very good musicians dream about owning someday. Anyway, all that stuff's in the closet gathering dust now too. And worse yet, things like pianos, guitars and musical equipment do not stand up very well in tropical weather. Oh they do all right in the Altiplano region, that's for sure. That's why they call it eternal spring weather. In the dry season or summer it never really gets that hot and in the rainy season it never gets that humid. So fine musical equipment does hold up pretty well, but unfortunately only about 5% of Latin Americas in the Altiplano. So if you have a nice guitar, a cello, violin or piano, tropical weather at low altitudes, especially beach areas, with all that heat, salt and humidity will wreak havoc on your
[06:32] stuff. So musicians, don't bring down that 1959 Martin D28, unless you've got air conditioning. Now speaking of wealthy Latins, I've got another little story to tell you. I hope you're not getting sick of my little Latin tales. But anyway here goes. Now I was at the dentist the other day and unfortunately I needed a root canal on a molar tooth. Yikes. Ain't that a revolt in development? Anyway, being a first world gringo, I insisted on having a specialist do that root canal, you know an endodontist. Because you know a regular dentist will do such procedures, but it is a specialty so I want a specialist. And right now, let's not talk about whether root canals are good or bad for you. I know there's a lot of controversy about that. And that some people in the know in the natural health community are saying root canals are
[07:17] not good for you. And that after you have one, there's a persistent subclinical inflammation going on around your tooth the rest of your life. And you know I have to believe that's true. After all, they're introducing a foreign substance in that root canal, sealed off in a semi-permeable liquid environment. But when you talk about lifelong induced inflammation, same thing goes for every tattoo. Nipple ear and tongue piercing, sliver, pimple and hangnail you've got. And let's not forget cosmetics, perfumes, hair coloring and contact lenses too. All a constant source of low grade inflammation whether you feel it or not. And those are just the things we elect to do to ourselves. What about people who've got hip and joint replacements or pacemakers or heart valves? It's been proven there's always a subclinical infection going on around those things.
[08:07] And if you have a good immune system, your body fights those insults off quite well. At least we hope it does. So bottom line, your body's always under a state of siege. So you might be thinking, why add a root canal to that mix? Well, you decide for yourself, but I guarantee you, when faced with a root canal or an extraction, where it's right up front when you smile, I'd wager even if you're dead against root canals, you won't die if you get the root canal, but you'll die of shame if you walk around without a front tooth. And by the way, you'll see a lot of that down here in Latin America, but not with gringos, expats and the upper classes. But you know, you're cleaning ladies, gardeners and maintenance men. They're definitely what you might call, dentally challenged and that's being kind. Which is a topic for another show. But anyway, you might be surprised to know that down here in Latin America, the root
[08:55] canal specialists don't as a rule have their own offices. Instead, they're like traveling doctors making house calls at other dentist offices. So if you do need a root canal, you make an appointment at your own dentist's office and when you get there, the specialist is waiting. And by the way, most root canal specialists in Latin America are first world trained. So anyway, they shot me up and I'm waiting there to get numb. And we're talking a bit and the endodontist said to me, and remember, I've never met him before. He says, so Johnny, in nearly perfect English of course, and if you remember, like I said, all young professionals speak English. They might not get a chance to practice it, but they do speak it. Anyway, so he asked me, do you know Antigua Guatemala very well? Because you know, I've got some real nice property for sale there. If you're interested, just asking.
[09:41] And you know, it's part of that gringo advantage that Latins think that we're all rich. And I'm sure that's exactly what he was thinking because only wealthy upscale Latins would ever save a tooth with a root canal. In fact, like he said, about 95% of the Latin population doesn't even know what a root canal is. They've never even heard of one. For them, when a tooth goes bad, they pull it. And I said, you know, I'm not interested in buying any real estate in Latin America right now till the bubble blows. And I figure a year to two years, maybe sooner. And then he said, kind of surprised, Johnny, what are you talking about bubble? Which like I mentioned in past shows is the usual response I get when speaking to any Latin richer poor down here, they have no clue. I said, you know, I'm going to wait because I know when the bubble blows, I'll be able
[10:29] to pick up properties for less than half of what they're offering now, maybe even 20 or 25 cents on the dollar. Then I said, it's just so obvious. There are just way too many properties and developments and not nearly enough people who can actually afford the payments. And then I said, that's when expats and gringos who've already been through a bubble blowout will be there to pick up the pieces. Now, his eyes lit up when I said that. And he said, Johnny, tell me more about this bubble. And I said, well, here's how I see it playing out. I mean, I had nothing else to do, right? I was just sitting around waiting to get numb, since generally I never go through the time and the effort to explain it to these guys. Normally, it's like trying to talk somebody out of their religion. And that's futile, you know? So anyway, I had a captive audience. I said, in a nutshell, all throughout Latin America, there is a tiny percentage of very
[11:18] wealthy Latin Americans who've got so much money, they live a kind of a royal stratified existence. And that includes real businessmen, narcos, and big time corrupt politicians who steal millions. So you've got three different wealthy factions there. And since for the last few years, US, European, and Latin banks have been paying such low interest that these wealthy folks don't want to put their money in the bank. Anyway, if you're a big time thieving politician or a narco, the banks with their new regulations won't accept your cash money anyway. So they have to do something with it. They can't bury it in a hole in the backyard. Well they could, but everybody wants double digit rates of return now, don't they? So naturally, they discovered land, real estate, and real estate development in a big way. Because you see, real estate and construction is one of the last bastions in our economy
[12:06] that'll still take suitcases full of cash for services rendered without asking any questions. And especially down here in Latin America, it's one of the only real ways left to launder big money. That is for the narcoes and thieving politicians. However, legitimate wealthy businessmen have to have a place to put their money too, and they're not going to put it in banks at 2%, 3%, 4%, and 5%, which is what you can get in a dollar account down here. And that's not enough return for them. So they buy land, build housing, and office developments. And make a projected 10%, 15%, 20%, or even more by selling or renting housing units in office space. That's what they figure. And they're all thinking that way, based on traditional rates of return in the housing and commercial sectors. And there has been a definite upward trend in the last 20 to 30 years.
[12:52] So far, the only country where real estate ended up in a dumpster is Argentina, which is a symptom not of the real estate market, but very bad financial management by a very corrupt government. Anyway, so far Argentina's been the only exception to the general expansion of the Latin American real estate market. So I went on to explain to this endodontist that the bubble's about to burst and that there are certain signs and symptoms that you can look for and see when it's about ready to go. And that's when he really got interested and said, tell me Johnny, tell me, when are they? And you know, in a way he seemed almost too interested. And I said, you know, I'm not clairvoyant, I'm not the answer man, but I can tell you this. All you've got to do is look how the real estate bubble popped in the US in 2007 and 2008 and trace back those steps and you'll see it's unfolding just like that down here.
[13:39] Then I spoke about the 100% financing and the no money down and the flipping of properties. How even unqualified buyers with bad credit records could get a mortgage just like that too and even get some cash back. And then I mentioned some of the special circumstances that you see down in Latin America, strange things that never happened before with the wealthy class of businessmen. There's kind of a restless, unsaid panic that's settling in. They're just now starting to realize after they've been building all these units that no one's buying and are sitting empty. Well, that doesn't matter. They still get hit every month with big maintenance costs. That is, you still have to pay gardeners, maids and utility bills, even if no one's occupying your property, especially if no one's occupying it. Since if you don't keep it looking nice, no one will want it, not at these bubble prices
[14:27] anyway. And then I said something that must have floored him, though I didn't notice at the time. I said, you know, I have a lot of wealthy Latin friends and acquaintances who are stuck on a dangerous treadmill when you got that kind of money, millions. And before the real estate bubble even came into existence, these guys had real cash in the bank. Well, back then their lifestyle was a lot less stressful. And yes, like all wealthy Latins, they had the big house in the city with the bodyguards and the maids and the kids with their bodyguards and maids, and they had the house on the beach with the ATVs and the wave runners and the maids and the bodyguards there too. And they even had that third house in a place like Granada or Cartagena or Cuenca or Antigua Guatemala, just to name a few of the dozens and dozens of colonial cities that are just
[15:13] so cool they're otherworldly. And let's just take the case of Antigua Guatemala, for example, since this root canal specialist wanted to sell me a piece of property there. Antigua is just a gem of a colonial city with totally restored 17th and 18th century colonial houses with gigantic courtyards and fountains beyond what you can imagine. It's old time European elegance and that's why everybody wants to live there. But it takes real money to live in one of those places. And of course the rich people that live in those places have to have their bodyguards and your maids and your maintenance guys and your gardeners there too. And all that was totally affordable for the wealthy Latin businessmen along with the two other giant houses in the family that he had to staff and maintain too. The huge beach house and that city house.
[16:00] And all that was doable before the bubble came and started eating away at his cash flow. Before he dumped all his excess cash into housing and developments. And then I said to the dentist, as I began to talk like a spastic with one side of my face and tongue sagging with the anesthetic, I said, there's all these projects and developments and no one to buy into them. And wealthy lands who got in a few years ago on this so-called ground floor gigantic real estate opportunity are getting simply killed by the development and maintenance costs. And soon something's got to give and it's starting now. These wealthy business guys with real jobs in farms, thinkers and factories that produce a product are really feeling the pinch. And by the way, the narcos and the thieving politicians aren't because they operate under
[16:48] a different business model altogether. Anyway, soon enough I said, these wealthy latin businessmen are going to have to decide which one of their three big houses they're going to have to let go. The big house in the city, the beach house, or the colonial house in Antigua or Shella or Lake Catitlan. And then I told them, if that wealthy latin guy who's stuck in that financial pinch has young kids between the ages of 10 and 25 years old, they're not going to let their daddy sell that party house on the beach with the pool and the wave runners and the ATVs. Because that's where they head out with their friends on a weekend. I mean, after all, that's what spoiled and tired rich kids do in Latin America. And in the states too, of course. Party on daddy's dime at the beach house on weekends. I would, wouldn't you? So if the wealthy latin guy in a pinch has young kids, he'll keep the beach house and
[17:34] end up dumping the colonial treasure in Antigua or Atitlan or Cartagena or Cuenca or wherever. And then that wealthy latin guy in a financial pinch is going to rethink his expensive fleet of gas-guzzling SUVs and the number of bodyguards in the family too. Instead of that Mercedes SUV and the Porsche Cayenne and that pair of mini-coopers in the garage for the kids, daddy's going to be seriously thinking about downsizing to a couple of Hyundai's. Then, like I said to the guy just as he was ready to jump into my tooth, the problem is the wife and the kids in the family are not going to want to downsize. I mean, come on, what would the kids at school think or the trainers at Gold's Gym when you show up without the Mercedes and the two bodyguards?
[18:20] Oh, the shame of it all. And with that, my jaw feeling like a soggy piece of rubber foam, I was all talked out. Now all that while when I was laying those ideas out for that endodontist, my general dentist was standing right there listening to the whole thing too. And by the way, down here in Latin America, your general dentist might not be a general dentist at all. Like for example, my general dentist is actually a US-trained oral surgeon specializing in oral surgery and dental implants. And not that I need any of that stuff at all. However, what you should know is that down here in Latin America, specialists like oral surgeons, endodontists and periodontists often see regular dental patients too, like a generalist, which is unheard of in the first world. An oral surgeon, for example, doesn't do crowns or fillings, only oral surgery.
[19:10] And you don't go to a periodontist to get your teeth bleached. And down here it's quite different and might come as kind of a shock to you when you're at your general dentist and you realize he's really an oral surgeon or an orthodontist. And I understand it's all about the money. Down here when you first set up as an oral surgeon or a periodontist or an endodontist, no one's beating the door down to see you. And like one specialist told me, you could starve to death. And the only way out in the beginning is to either work at the National Healthcare Hospital, which is like stepping 40 years back in time or you put your shingle out as a general dentist too and accept all comers. General dentists, as a rule down here, do not like to refer their patients out in fear of losing that patient forever to the other guy. So down here general dentists like to do everything because historically there were not that many
[19:56] specialists here. But of course in the last few years that's changed quite a bit. That's why I always recommend when it comes to dentistry and medical doctors, you should always try to select one who did his specialty up in the States or in a first world country. But where was I? Oh yeah, the endodontist was just about to get started on the root canal when my dentist jumped up and said, Johnny, have you ever met my friend the endodontist before? And I said, what do you mean? Then he said, you might not know it, but you just completely rolled out this guy's life story to a tee. Then the root canal specialist rolled his eyes and he said, in all seriousness, no joke, Johnny, are you a clairvoyant? And I thought, what the hell are these guys talking about? And then my dentist laughed kind of nervously and explained, my friend the endodontist here
[20:42] is a very wealthy multimillionaire and he's got the three houses just like you said, the spoiled rich daughters with the mini Coopers and the personal bodyguards just like you said. He's got the giant expensive SUVs and he's way over his head in new real estate development projects that are sucking him dry on the maintenance. And in fact, right this minute, he's got his properties and Antigua up for sale because he's in a pretty precarious financial spot. And then the endodontist looked at me and said, and Johnny, you're right, my wife and kids do not want to downsize. I'm having a very hard time and a lot of stress with this whole situation. He said, honestly, it's driving me nuts. And I've got terrible insomnia. And though I was shocked by that with my rubbery mouth, I said, well, if you're a multimillionaire,
[21:32] surely you didn't make it in dentistry. Why are you a dentist? Is it a twisted hobby of sorts? And then he said to me, no, Johnny, in reality, I came from a very middle class family. I couldn't afford to go to private schools and I worked hard all my young life to put myself through dental school. And as luck would have it, I married a rich girl, a very rich girl. And now that her dad, the patriarch rich guy of the family is no longer around, I'm the guy in charge of everything. My wife's an only child, he said, I'm responsible for the family wealth now. And believe me, I was a lot happier when I was poor. And he really meant it when he said that. And then he said, you know, I know a lot of people in the same boat that I'm in. We're all stressed out inside, he said, and we know this just can't go on forever. It's something that's out there in the wind, but no one's really talking about it.
[22:20] And now I'm thinking, I've got a really depressed guy working on my tooth right now. Maybe not such a good thing. And besides that, I'm thinking, if this high rolling guy is in such dire financial straits, I should have asked him what he's going to charge me for this root canal. And when I was finished and I walked up to the front desk to pay, fully realizing that up in the States to get a molar root canal done by a specialist runs anywhere from a thousand to fifteen hundred dollars. I was absolutely shocked when he charged me just one hundred bucks. And remember, he was a board certified specialist with all the most modern first world equipment in his bag of tricks. So the question does come up. Are there bad dentists in Latin America? Oh yeah, there are some terrible dentists down here.
[23:06] But fortunately, I've been down here long enough to have found some very, very good ones. Now, I'm not saying you could get a molar root canal done for a hundred bucks, because, you know, I got the feeling he would have charged me two hundred. Had I not been such an amusing and clairvoyant patient. But who knows? Then again, maybe he really charged me double and it was only supposed to be 50 bucks. But I doubt it. All right, enough about nerve wracking things like root canals. Let's talk about another part of Robert's email. He says, Johnny, you've described many of the fruits that are grown in Latin America, but you haven't said much about the vegetables. I'm wondering whether they grow all the ones we're familiar with in the first world and what others they grow that we might never have seen. Well, yes, Robert, they grow all the vegetables you're used to up in the first world
[23:51] and they're all about three or four times as big down here, too. And for every recognizable vegetable from the first world that you can name, there are probably two vegetables down here you've never seen or heard of before. And they've got all kinds of crazy names like Camote, Hakote, Lima, Chintepe, Cimpote, and dozens of others I can't pronounce. And even though I've been down here a long time, I haven't tried them all. Because to me, some of them look kind of, well, strange and otherworldly. And if you bite into one, it might just bite your back. But rest assured, it's a vegetarian's paradise. In fact, you could probably make a hobby out of tasting foods that you've never tried before in your life. I know that every time I go into a big central market, I can't for the life of me figure out how some of those veggies are prepared.
[24:40] That's why if you come down here, if it's the last thing you do, you got to go to one of these gigantic food markets and bring your camera along because the folks back home will have to see it to believe it. So in short, Robert, there's just too many strange and wonderful vegetables down here. For me, a gringo to ever begin to name them all off. Besides that, it probably screwed up the pronunciation so badly that the locals would have a big laugh on the stupid gringo. Don't laugh. That's happened to me more than a few times. And next, Robert asks a hypothetical question. Suppose a gringo just arrives in a Latin American country and he needs to get some official document which requires that he get a person of status in the community such as a notary or lawyer to witness that he, the person of status, has known Mr. X, the gringo in question, for two years.
[25:30] Except that Mr. So-and-so only arrived there a week ago. Would his new local lawyer give such a witnessing for the purpose of getting that official document? Cheers, Robert. Robert, what you're asking here is for a notary or a lawyer, someone of high influence in a Latin country, to do something patently illegal. Testify as a legal witness on paper that he's known somebody for years and in fact he's just met them. Well, Robert, the answer to that is absolutely yes. It's done all the time down here in Latin America. For sometimes as little as 10 bucks. Now, the difference between being able to get that done down here and up in the first world where it also can be done is the cost of the service. Up north, getting some legal eagle or notary
[26:18] to lie for you like that will probably cost 10 times that or much, much more. But like they say, everyone's got his price. The difference is, down here in Latin America, things come awful cheap. Now, consider this. You often see criminal types interviewed up in the States, testifying how much the mafia or a gang member had to pay someone to get bumped off up there. And you hear numbers from real mob and gang hitmen that the going rate for a job like that in a big city up in the States is like 5 to 25 grand. And I'm not making that up. You can look it up on the internet. The gangs and mobsters have set fees. Now, down here in Latin America, I've read articles where convicted hitmen and gangsters have said that depending on a person's status in the community, you could have someone bumped off for anywhere from 500 to 5000 bucks,
[27:06] depending how high the person's profile is. For the average guy in the street, it's only about 500. So anyway, like they say, everyone's got his price only in Latin America. It's beyond ridiculous. Now, before I close out the show today, all of you who'd like to do a phone consultation with me, just send me a short list of the topics you want to hit on at the expatfiles at gmail.com, then go to expatwisdom.com and hit the consultation link and we'll set up an appointment. You've been listening to The Expat Files, living in Latin America, coming to you each week from somewhere south of the border. And don't forget, you can email me on anything at all about Latin America, The Expat Files at gmail.com.
[27:52] See you next time. That was famous.