#194 – Love, Romance, and Legal Pitfalls in Latin America

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came up to play and now as I wonder My thoughts ever stray Hi everybody I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America the show that tells you what it's really like To live work play and or retire in Latin America. I tell it just like it is so let's get started You know I so often get asked questions about love and romance in Latin America And of course I'm talking about love and romance between expat gringos and latinas and expat gringas and latinos It's bound to happen right and I'll tell you if I answered all the emails that pertain to this subject

[00:50] That's all I'd ever be talking about I'd be the expert expats expert and in some ways I am really because for some strange reason expats love to tell me their stories personal romantic and otherwise I guess it's maybe because I got that kind of face You know whatever that is and you know I figured it out why people tell me stuff or at least I remember the stuff They tell me because when you're partying with expats and believe me some expats can really party Anyway as the night goes on and the party gets into the wee hours and as latins and gringos alike get more and more hammered Well you see I don't drink so as their lips get looser and looser my brain's kind of recording everything You know I just add my two cents and take it all in like I usually do The fact is I never wake up in the morning like Eddie often does saying what the hell happened last night

[01:41] So the reason why I've got this great file of expat stories is because I was cursed from birth with migraines So I can't drink and I've also been cursed with a very very good memory the fact is I've heard so many cool expat Love and romance stories that I've actually written a book about it, which isn't published yet in fact I'm kind of looking for a publisher actually and the only thing I can say right now Is that it's the farthest thing in the world from being politically correct? It's the absolute unadulterated truth about what it's really like in the world of expat love and romance down here in Latin America In other words it's gonna make a lot of stick in the muds up there in the first world either Pretty darn jealous or pretty darn mad or both I'll tell you one thing no one who's read the drafts has come away unaffected. That's for sure anyway I'll keep you posted. Okay, so bottom line

[02:28] I get a lot of emails from people asking me about the love and romance angle for expats down here Because you know a lot of expats do come down here single or divorced and naturally since you've got that gringo advantage going for you Suddenly you're in great demand in the love and romance department, too That is of course if you choose to be and let me emphasize that when you're off the tourist track The effect is multiplied like Eddie always says we're kind of like minor rock stars Though you really have to be down here to fully appreciate what I'm talking about anyway, because of that love and romance advantage that you do have I Always advise expats never to rush into anything the first couple of months are down here because do remember most of us being Average guys and gals up in the States, you know fives maybe sixes on the ten scale at the most

[03:17] Well, just remember down here It's not like it was up in the first world up there If you were a five or a six you were pretty much stuck with fives or sixes all your life Right and you got used to that You knew you never were gonna get an eight nine or a ten unless you did have a one-of-a-kind Brilliant personality or you played in a rock band, you know what I'm talking about Because you know up in the States regarding love and romance You kind of know your place and you know your limits, but once you get down here, believe me anything goes The sky really is the limit So what I'm about to tell you is gonna sound very politically incorrect But so what the truth is the truth, right? So just relax and sit back and get ready to get pissed off or jealous or just really happy

[04:05] You found out about this information whatever emotions strike you right now. I'm gonna tell you what it's really like first Let's talk a little bit about expat men when they arrived down here Especially off the tourist trail you find you suddenly get a lot of extra attention from the opposite sex Oh, it's subtle. All right, but if you're not completely oblivious you soon begin to notice Now when all of a sudden these very very beautiful and sexy young Latin girls Start giving you the eye or the come hither look at the bank or the mall things that just never happen to you up in Cleveland Well, let me just say this gringos gringas and expats in general Here's a sage bit of advice which unfortunately a lot of fresh expats never heed You must be choosy don't think that that extra attention

[04:53] You suddenly get is a one-time event Because whether you're off or on the gringo tourist trail that kind of stuff happens all the time to all of us expats And because that kind of stuff absolutely never happens to us average guys us fours fives and sixes up in Cleveland or Pittsburgh I mean when average Joe's like me and expat Eddie are at the mall in Pittsburgh beauty queens and real lookers Don't give us the eye They never did and they never will unless of course we come into some real money and they fall on hard times 99 times out of a hundred we don't get the time of day. They just look right through us. We're used to that That's just the way life is up in the first world for us average guys, you know, and by the way Do they even have beauty queens in Pittsburgh? Anyway, Eddie says that's why pornography was invented for the 99 percenters, you know

[05:43] Anyway, I can't tell you how many times expat friends of mine have had that wake-up call For example, you're in an elevator at a shopping center And you see out of the corner your eye two girls are whispering and suddenly you realize they're whispering about your eyes of course that'll only happen if you have blue green or gray eyes because like I said in a past show if you have Blue gray or green eyes what Latin girls call Oh hose kladdos, which technically means clear eyes anyway, if your eyes are any of those colors you are one in ten thousand down here in Latin America off the tourist trail again with eyes like that You're a rare and special commodity Believe me and not to worry if you have brown eyes like everybody else down here Being that you're the average gringo when you're in an elevator, you'll be the tallest guy there

[06:32] Nearly everyone else would be a full head shorter than you Which is why most Latin girls absolutely insist on wearing high heels almost all the time which is why when you go to a bar a disco or a restaurant it always seems like the women are actually taller than their men and Speaking of Latin women and their ubiquitous high heels sure It's ultra sexy but you got to wonder how they maneuver around considering the deplorable state of the sidewalks and The cobblestones in the historic districts, but that hasn't stopped the proliferation of high heels one bit Believe me and what do expats say about that hip hip hooray? That's what they say or at least that's what they're thinking. Yep No doubt the ladies are sexy. All right, but they do suffer for it

[07:17] In fact, one of the first things us expats notice when we get down here Is that these aren't your regular high heels these heels seem to be in the stratosphere It's hard to believe that first-world women would ever put up with that except maybe on a very special occasion But down here, it's an absolutely normal daily event Anyway, if you're the average gringo, you're gonna be much taller than the average Latin guy in that case If you don't have oh hos klados clear eyes Your marvelous height will be what the girls are whispering about in the elevator down here Five-foot-four is the average height for males and a first-world guys average out at five foot nine or ten So figure it out for yourself The average US male is considered very tall down here in Latin America. And if you're a six footer

[08:03] Well, you're king of the mountain really because basically there are no six foot Latinos The only ones that are like one out of a thousand maybe are Latinos with a lot of European blood Which means naturally they come from the wealthy classes And yes the funny thing is the wealthier classes that two percent of the population are Taller and whiter than their common Latin American brethren. And why is that? Well, that's because throughout all societies and throughout history Money and power always select for beauty height and light colored skin That's just the way it is and the way it has been in the vast majority of societies In any event when you're off the tourist trail You're gonna be the topic of discussion and it's all good And if you notice I didn't say anything at all about being handsome now

[08:52] Did I just remember one thing when it comes to a Latin woman's first impression of a man whether or not? She's attracted to him. The three most important things to her are a man's eyes his height and his skin color And of course, he's got to be in good health and all that and not a psychopath or a drug addict or a drunk Let's take that for granted and it just so happens that gringo stereotypes are exactly what Latinas are looking for So bottom line, even if you're dead mediocre and average You will find yourself in demand with the ladies at least more than you ever had when you lived up in the first world And of course, the same is true for gringas expat ladies, but we'll talk about that in a minute So now you're thinking that's absolutely terrific, right? The ladies really like us gringos Like I said that happens on and off the gringo trail

[09:39] The only problem is when you're on the gringo tourist trail like in Costa Rica and Panama a good 80% of those girls that are giving you the eye they're out to get something from you Those are not girls with the proverbial heart of gold believe me In fact, here's a good example in San Jose, Costa Rica If you're downtown near the Central Park at any given time, you'll see lots of beautiful looking latina women walking around And by the way down by the Central Park, it's pretty busy There are a lot of hotels and restaurants and shopping malls and stuff around there So there's a pretty big mix of people and it's often very crowded Now gringos and expats first visiting down there are often surprised how friendly and pleasant the girls really are down here They call that muy amabili, which means very nice and friendly. Now. Don't read anything into that

[10:25] It really does mean nice and friendly Now if you hang around in that district long enough Some of those girls are apt to give you the eye and if the girls not working or she's on her lunch break It wouldn't be that unusual if you walked into a food court in a mall Let's say and you sat down next to a girl like that and invited her for a cup of coffee casually Well chances are she just might agree to that after all you are a gringo in a foreign country And like I said Latinas do have a soft spot for gringos And I'd say that a good 99% of these girls that work at banks and at hardware stores and at lawyers offices and stuff By day, but you see there's an odd phenomena that it's grown up around these gringo tourist districts Which I've dubbed the part-time hooker syndrome now figure it like this

[11:14] Costa Rica is loaded with gringos and gringo dollars yet the average secretary or bank clerk makes maybe three to four hundred dollars a month Which is enough to get by if you're living with your mom and dad However, a lot of these beautiful young girls who work at banks and at hardware stores and stuff in actuality They're single mothers and have to support a kid and how do they get in that predicament? Well, if you've been listening to my program for any length of time, you'll know what the truth is about Latin men They're macho. They're womanizers. They like to drink and they don't have much education And it's magnified when they're young and studly between 16 and 30 years old Let's say so what often happens as a young handsome studly Latin guy will promise his beautiful young latina girlfriend everything Get her pregnant and then abandon her and the kid that is so very common down here in Latin America

[12:05] So what's left in the mix is a young beautiful Latin girl who's got a day job at a bank or a lawyer's office Yet she has a kid to support and worse her family where the kid is and where she goes home to every night might be Very short on funds too because her father who's also typical Latin guy could very well be a drunk and a womanizer, too So how can she escape that mess? Well, there's just a ton of stupid gringos and expats walking around who are easy marks for the charms of a beautiful girl Like I said, expat Eddie's one of those he's a sucker for a pretty face, too He's been around that block a few times Well, let me tell you it's perfectly All right And more than acceptable to be a sucker for a pretty face when you're a gringo or an expat off the tourist trail Because they're off the tourist trail

[12:50] The statistics are reversed and it's all good and it's all in your favor there 80% of the young latina girls have never even seen or talked to a gringo up front and personal So there's no agenda there They never even conceived of a plan or an idea to go out and snag themselves a gringo To save them from a stagnant or even dire home life. How could it be off the tourist trail? There just are no gringos available Except of course the odd lone expats like me and expat eddie For example and sure every medium to large city off the tourist trail has a hotel district where Gringos come in once in a while to do business You know They have their mcdonald's and seers and office depot and starbucks franchises to take care of And people to hire and train but these are not gringos out and about mixing with the common people

[13:41] They're there for a business meeting or a convention The fact is long-term expats like expat eddie and I who live down here and do business off the tourist trail We're just a rare species Like i've often said and I prove this to my seminar attendees when they came down here to central america You could walk around all day in a medium to huge city and not see a single gringo And sometimes you could hang around for hours at the airport and not seeing a single gringo either That is except the odd charity or church group coming down to help out the poor indigenous people But they're in and out and don't stay here long Plus you can't exactly call a bunch of church people coming down building houses in the jungle for jesus your typical expats They're just not expat material. Sure

[14:28] They'll go back to minnesota with great stories on how they help the unwashed masses But they'll never come back down here as permanent expats But we were talking about latin women off the tourist trail now, weren't we? And sure off the tourist trail There are just as many young beautiful latin girls single mothers as there are on the tourist trail But off the tourist trail You don't have that phenomena known as the part-time hooker or what's sometimes known as the weekend hooker Which is quite common, but practically never talked about but i'm gonna talk about it now This phenomena is rampant in high-volume tourist areas like costa rica, but almost non-existent when you're off the tourist trail Now the part-time hooker thing came about because in places like costa rica The gringo dollar has really dislocated the economy and pushed up the cost of living

[15:18] To such heights that average latins making average dough by their standards, you know 300 to 400 a month can just barely get by That's why so many young adults end up living with their parents Housing is just too damn expensive But guess what on the tourist trail? There's something that doesn't exist off the tourist trail and i'm talking about great numbers In fact great hordes of lonely heart gringo tourists and expats and their masses of gringo dollars have not only Dislocated the entire economy. They've caused some very nasty secondary social consequences, too And if you think about it, it was bound to happen For example in san jose costa rica right around the area of the central park and some blocks outward There are a ton of what they call night clubs, you know

[16:06] Up north where we come from a nightclub is a place you go out and hang dance Maybe or see a band and have some drinks or whatever basically mingle with the opposite sex But nightclubs down here in latin america are strip joints and strip joints in latin america Aren't like strip joints up in the first world where you're just supposed to look and not touch down here Strip clubs are always bordellos and as you might imagine in tourist areas like panama and costa rica Those places are just loaded with gringos on vacation In fact costa rica panama columbia and a ton of places in mexico are so noted for their strip clubs and easy sex That horny young and old first world guys come down just for what they call sex tourism But let me tell you off the tourist trail

[16:51] There is no such thing as sex tourism without a steady flow of gringos It just doesn't exist and not to say that gringos created the bordello scene down here or the nightclub scene That always existed in a rather small discrete way But in high volume tourist areas it's exploded Now it's not as wild and crazy as it is Let's say in bangkok or in the far east but plane flights are a lot cheaper and in places like costa rica and panama So many people speak english that it's a preferred destination I mean, come on what gringos speak thai or cantonese, you know So anyway, you have all these lonely heart gringos flying in for the sex tourism And some of course flying in just to find a nice down home latin girl if they can

[17:37] You wouldn't believe how many of these guys come down just looking for a romantic love connection that might end up in marriage That's what they're hoping and what so many internet sites promise But back to our young beautiful latin girl who works at a bank who's got a kid at home somewhere Well, everyone knows that girls who work at those nightclub strip clubs, basically bordellos Well, those girls become hardened world-weary and tainted in no time It's the typical and terrible life of a prostitute we're talking about here And by the way as it turns out nearly 100 of the girls that work at these nightclubs these drip club bordellos They all come from poor backgrounds and they all have a kid or two that they're supporting Obviously because the latin stud who was the father abandoned the family

[18:23] Every one of these girls has the same basic backstory So that's how they get there in the first place But these young girls that I call part-time hookers or weekend hookers are a different story completely They don't work at a nightclub They're totally on their own and that dark side of their life is all very secretive Because you see the thing is these girls actually have respectable daytime jobs They only go walking in the streets once in a while Maybe once a week or once every couple weeks because you see if they just hook up with one stupid gringo They could make one or two hundred bucks in an hour or two, which is like two weeks salary for a girl down here So you can see for a girl who's a bit desperate with a kid at home and everything A young good-looking girl on a work-a-day job who's really not getting anywhere fast

[19:12] Well, you can see how it's kind of turned into a little bit of an underground industry down here in places like Costa Rica But you see these part-time girls are smarter than you think they know the difference between a gringo That's down here just for some sun and a certain kind of fun And a truly love-lorn gringo who's had a few bad relationships up north Who's down in latin america to perhaps really find true love and romance? In other words these young and often very beautiful girls know how to play a gringo just right And i'd be willing to bet that thousands maybe even tens of thousands of stupid gringos end up Meeting one of these girls Romancing her thinking that they found the girl of their dreams And the fact is she just might be the girl of his dreams as long as he doesn't find out about her past And chances are he never will I mean, what does he know about that kind of life?

[20:01] He's just a tourist from cleveland a tourist who's just met a beautiful young latina who really seems to like him And sure she's got a kid back at home with the parents, but there's nothing unusual about that We all make mistakes, especially when we're young and here's the thing in his mind he's won the lottery She's the most beautiful girl he's ever went out with in his life In fact, he kind of thought his life was over up in cleveland And that's why he came down here in the first place and now not only does he have a second chance But he's got a second chance with the girl of his dreams Can you see where i'm going with this down here? It's the same basic story repeating itself thousands of times a month And besides if she's only been hooking once a week or a couple times a month She's not going to be street wise and hardened like the girl's hooking for a living at the nightclubs

[20:48] So why should he have any suspicions? I mean to most love-lorn gringos, you know guys coming off a bad divorce or two generally. They're very forgiving I mean, come on. They're coming off some bad romantic experiences themselves They won't point a finger Especially if she's young and beautiful And that goes double for an older gringo looking for love in a long-term relationship He doesn't care if a beautiful young latin girl who's taking a shine to him has a kid or two stashed back at her mom's House who she's trying to support Because surely he's got a kid or two or even three back up in the states himself No doubt the older the guy the more baggage he's carrying So all's well that ends well, right? That is as long as he doesn't find out about the part-time hooking

[21:34] Because even if a guy has a ton of baggage himself That's probably a deal breaker and normally in that kind of love match The happy couple is back up in the states in no time And that was her plan all along whether he wanted to go back or not Because you see the great majority of these girls once they've worked their way into a guy's heart Especially an old duffer's heart. She sets the rest of her plan in motion The whole point is to get to the states legally with her kid And then of course her past her slate has been wiped absolutely clean And that's a kind of a move we up north would probably call a junior gold digger move But I can tell you that kind of stuff happens every day of the week down here And that's why I always advise gringos and expats never to dive headfirst into a relationship

[22:21] You're an expat and you're going to be down here a long time. So take your time move slowly From what i've seen whirlwind gringo latin romances. Just don't seem to work out in the long run Especially when you're on the tourist track Which is where almost all gringos en route to latin america end up visiting at first and most of them believe it or not Never get any farther And if you never get out of panama or costa rica, you never get off that tourist trail You're likely to meet a lot of beautiful but tainted latin women Love-learned gringos in that environment often fall in love at first sight The girls are so hot and sexy and friendly. It's often difficult not to for you Love at first sight for her green card at first sight

[23:07] So beware you gringo tourists and newbie expats and as expat eddie says in his own very un-pc way He says gringos and expat wannabes could eliminate a world of hurt way beforehand if they just get a simple Vasectomy before they came down and eddie's not bashful at all about saying that based on his own experiences and a lot of expats We both know and what's that all about? It's like this Because of latin law if you're not married, but are a live-in boyfriend or girlfriend after about three to five years Depending on the country you're considered by law to be common law husband and wife Which means you're technically married in all but the paperwork And if something happens and you guys break up or let's say you die If she can prove that you've been living together that long and she can produce a witness or two

[23:56] If you guys split up she can claim half of all your assets the ones that aren't under an essay corporation That is she'll get all the assets that are in your name and if you die As common law wife she'll automatically get all your personal assets too, but not your corporate assets The only way she or anyone else will get your corporate assets Is if she has the corporate shares in her hand with her name on them Or you've stated that you want her to have everything including the corporate assets in your last will and testament Either way you'll have to set that stuff up early on with your lawyer and he'll probably recommend against it I'm sure I sound like a cad here Please don't think i'm the jerk. I'm just telling you what expats do down here

[24:45] I mean that is why you tune into the show, right? You do want the truth now, don't you? As you've probably noticed I don't give you the nice pretty glossy international living view of things And you know, sometimes people ask me johnny Why are you doing this? If people follow your advice all those nice places you talk about on the altiplano And all those cool towns and cities off the tourist trail are going to get overcrowded with gringos And there goes that gringo advantage you talk about when that happens Pretty soon the majority of latin america will be as expensive as costa rica panama chile argentina And now by the way brazil now that's a place if you're anywhere near a cosmopolitan area Or any medium to large sized city you're gonna pay first world prices

[25:30] But i'll be talking about that in a future show. So stay tuned Anyway, i'm asked all the time if people come down based on my recommendations Soon enough that gringo dollar is going to contaminate everything and then we'll have gringo prices People say johnny aren't you worried about that? And you know, I tell them in a word no and you know why because there'll always be that state department website Telling the vast majority of americans that it's a very bad idea to come down here to latin america They'll always make it seem like you're gonna get kidnapped or massacred or assaulted or Get caught between the crossfire and a gun battle and thanks to that constant negative pr 99.9 percent of all americans will never come down here

[26:16] Not to mention the fact that the horrible pr coming out of mexico is killing tourism for the rest of latin america by association Anyway, what was I talking about? Oh, yeah I was talking about the fact that when a gringo and a latina live together for a while unmarried After a while it becomes a common law marriage and she can legally get all or part of your assets If you split up or you die and by the way, that's why I always recommend you put everything in an essay corporation That's an anonymous society corporation very common down here Your latin lawyer can set it up for you in a couple of weeks And now you've got bulletproof protection now everything and anything you want to know about those corporations You can hear about by ordering my five flags program by going to expat wisdom.com

[27:03] As you might have heard it's a six-hour multimedia program So just go to expat wisdom.com and find out what it's all about And don't forget about my next latin american expat wisdom seminar If you're interested in going just email me at johnny at expat wisdom.com or the expat files at gmail.com Uh-oh. I'm at the end of the show now, and I didn't finish love and romance latin style Don't worry. I'll finish it off next time. But remember don't kill the messenger. Okay You've been listening to the expat files living in latin america Coming to you each week from somewhere south of the border and don't forget you can email me on anything at all about latin America the expat files at gmail.com

[27:51] Once again, the expat files at gmail.com See you next time nos vemos