Episode Summary
In this episode of The Expat Files, Johnny Mueller provides an unfiltered view of living, working, playing, and retiring in Latin America, contrasting it with the idealized portrayals found in travel magazines and websites. He encourages interested listeners to book a consultation on his website, expatwisdom.com. Johnny addresses an email from a listener named Scott, who is looking for affordable, off-the-tourist-trail destinations in Latin America with natural beauty similar to Costa Rica. Johnny states that he does not recommend Costa Rica for long-term living, working, or retiring, citing his personal experience and business ventures there. He argues that Costa Rica's natural beauty is not unique and that other Latin American countries offer more diverse and pristine ecosystems. He criticizes the overhyped image of Costa Rica as a natural wonderland, attributing it to its status as the first destination for many first-world travelers and the marketing efforts of local travel agents.
Johnny also discusses common misconceptions about Latin American countries, particularly Costa Rica, and corrects the belief that these countries are uniformly dry and barren. He emphasizes that while some regions like Guanacaste in Costa Rica are dry, the majority of Latin American countries have lush tropical rainforests with diverse wildlife. He highlights the presence of active volcanoes in neighboring countries like Guatemala and Nicaragua, suggesting that Costa Rica's Arenal Volcano is not as spectacular as others in the region. Johnny further explains that urban areas in Latin America often lack tropical flora and fauna due to deforestation and poverty, but wildlife can be found in rural and protected areas.
In another segment, Johnny discusses the biodiversity of Costa Rica and its standing among Latin American countries. He argues that Costa Rica is not the top eco-paradise in the region and ranks around number 10. He highlights that countries like Honduras, Guatemala, Panama, and Nicaragua have more biodiversity. Johnny also addresses the topic of body image in Latin America, noting that there is no stigma attached to being overweight. He explains that women often gain weight after having children, and men tend to develop pot bellies after 25. He contrasts this with the first world, where being fat is often stigmatized. Johnny also mentions the prevalence of weight loss products and ads in Latin America, which are often unregulated and make exaggerated claims.
Johnny then discusses the phenomenon of expats, particularly in Latin America, being easily swayed by misleading advertising and financial seminars. He highlights the lack of financial literacy among some Latin individuals, who are often taken advantage of by seminars promising stock market success. Johnny criticizes the effectiveness of these seminars, noting that they are often based on outdated or false information. He also points out that the stock market is dominated by institutional investors, making it nearly impossible for individual investors to succeed. Johnny further emphasizes that many Latin individuals are unaware of the history of financial crises and are susceptible to financial gimmicks, such as timeshares, which are largely considered a bad investment. Overall, he argues that these individuals are falling into the same traps as first-world people, despite their lack of awareness and knowledge.
In another segment, Johnny discusses the prevalence of timeshare pitches and dubious marketing schemes in Latin America, highlighting the gullibility of the local population and the exploitation of their cultural and economic conditions. He points out that these schemes often mimic first-world products and are marketed as quick fixes for weight loss and other health issues. The discussion includes a specific example of a miracle pill that claims to have multiple benefits, including weight loss, skin rejuvenation, and health improvements, which is sold in the region despite its dubious efficacy. Johnny also shares a personal anecdote about a friend's housekeeper who is mesmerized by these ads and is tempted to buy the product despite its high cost and questionable benefits.
In a humorous segment, Johnny discusses the cultural dynamics between expats and Latin American workers, highlighting how expats often give away unused items to their domestic help. He uses the example of Eddie, an expat, who gives away various items to his cleaning lady, cook, and gardener. Johnny also shares a humorous anecdote about Eddie giving away a large stuffed marlin to his gardener, who later mounted it in his home, cutting off part of the fish to fit it in the space. Johnny emphasizes the importance of cultural sensitivity and the need for expats to be respectful when interacting with local workers, as they often have limited resources and are proud of what they have.
Finally, the episode serves as a closing outro for the podcast, where Johnny Mueller invites listeners to engage with the show by sharing their experiences or questions about living in Latin America. He encourages email communication and signs off with a friendly farewell.
Topics
Introduction to The Expat Files podcast, Johnny's consulting services, Response to listener email about affordable eco-tourism in Latin America, Johnny's critique of Costa Rica's natural beauty and its overhyped image, Myths about Latin American landscapes, Wildlife in Latin America, Volcanic activity in Central America, Deforestation and urbanization in Latin America, Costa Rica's biodiversity and misconceptions, Biodiversity in Latin America, Body image and stigma in Latin America, Weight loss products and advertising in Latin America
Chapters
00:00:00 Opening 00:00:07 Johnny's Consulting Services 00:00:08 Response to Listener Email About Affordable Eco-Tourism in Latin America 00:00:13 Johnny's Critique of Costa Rica's Natural Beauty and Its Overhyped Image 00:05:03 Myths About Latin American Landscapes 00:06:16 Costa Rica's Wildlife and Volcanic Activity 00:07:55 Deforestation and Urbanization in Latin America 00:08:55 Guanacaste Region and Costa Rica's Biodiversity 00:10:09 Costa Rica's Biodiversity Ranking in Latin America 00:11:21 No Stigma Attached to Being Fat in Latin America 00:14:03 The Problem with Advertising and Expats' Perception of Products 00:14:07 Expats' Disbelief in the Promises of Products 00:14:11 The Influence of First-World People Offering Seminars 00:14:16 The Cost of Seminars and Their Effectiveness 00:14:18 The Nature of the Seminars and Their Targets 00:14:23 The Content of the Seminars and Their Appeal 00:14:28 The Reality of Stock Market Success 00:14:32 The Accessibility of Stock Market Knowledge 00:18:25 Where are Timeshare Pitches Alive and Well? 00:18:36 Timeshare Pitches in Latin America 00:18:38 Weekend Stock Market and Commodities Courses 00:19:22 Weight Loss Products and Marketing in Latin America 00:19:50 The Marketing Strategy of Weight Loss Products 00:19:59 The Hollywood Weight Loss Secret 00:20:27 The Miracle Pill and Its Claims 00:21:12 The Miracle Pill's Health Benefits 00:23:27 Eddie's Heroic Acts and Cultural Preferences in Hiring Help 00:23:55 The Lack of Charity Systems in Latin America and Expats' Role 00:25:32 The Humble Home and the Mounted Swordfish 00:27:29 Promising Expatriate Stories 00:27:38 Podcast Introduction and Frequency 00:27:42 Weekly Broadcast Location 00:27:45 Email Engagement Invitation 00:27:50 Reiteration of Email Contact 00:27:51 Email Contact Reminder 00:27:55 Farewell and Sign-Off
Transcript
Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.
[00:03] Hi everybody, I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America. The show that tells you what it's really like to live, work, play and or retire in Latin America. I tell it just like it is, not the version they give you in those glossy travel magazines or the picture they paint for you in those international traveler websites where they're only trying to sell you something. What's it really like for expats living in Latin America? Well, if you stick around a while you'll find out, so let's get started. Already some of you have discovered that I have a consulting link up at my webpage www.expatwisdom.com. It's on the left side column of the homepage where it says consult one on one with the expert expats. So if you want a detailed conversation with me about your own personal expat wants, needs
[00:51] and desires, just click on that link and schedule a half an hour or an hour consultation appointment with me and I'll call you. So all of you who are interested in doing that, just get your list of questions together and click on that link. Okay enough said about that. First today I'd like to talk about another email. Actually I'm not honing in on this particular email but I get a lot of emails like this and it really deserves a straight answer because people just aren't getting straight answers about things like this on their own. Not from any of the blogs or websites on the subject out there anyway. He says hey Johnny, what countries are parts of countries in Latin America off the tourist trail, places that you recommend where you can save a lot of money and still see all that lush eco terrain and abundant wildlife that Costa Rica is so famous for? Now Scott I'm really glad you asked that question because over the last 20 years or so, of all
[01:37] the hundreds and hundreds of expats and expat wannabes that I've talked to, I often get a kind of a strange look from them when I say I don't recommend Costa Rica at all unless you have a lot of money or if you just want to go on vacation for a week or two to a nice expensive vacation spot that's got all the amenities yet it's not in the first world. When I tell them I don't recommend Costa Rica and that what I say is not based on just a few vacation trips down there but the fact that I lived there for three years, opened a few businesses, bought and sold two houses and built one in a tourist development, they realize that those kind of bona fides qualify me as an expert much more than a guy that comes down on a couple of package deals with his golfing buddies. Anyway, when I say I don't recommend Costa Rica for living, working, playing and or investing and definitely not retiring, people get that kind of sad look on their face thinking well
[02:25] you mean you're advising against not going to that tropical paradise I've heard so much about? As if Costa Rica is the only place in the 20 Latin American countries that I always talk about that has rainforests and jungles and parrots and toucans and monkeys but let me just dispel a myth right now. If you think that Costa Rica is this lush little paradise and every other country around it is somehow lacking in natural wonders that Costa Rica is supposed to be so abundant in, well let me tell you that you're completely wrong about that. In fact, there's absolutely nothing different or special about Costa Rica's so-called pristine rainforest and so-called natural wonders. Because I'm telling you every other country in Latin America with the exception of maybe Mexico which has been pretty much trashed or severely damaged by it's huge clueless
[03:12] uneducated population, uneducated I should point out in eco-friendly terms that is. Because you see the population there doesn't give one damn about preserving the environment, clean water and clean air are not even on their radar. Anyway, all throughout the rest of Latin America, they've all got 10 times the wild live, the pristine rainforest and natural wonders that Costa Rica has. There's absolutely nothing unique about Costa Rica in that respect. But somehow over the years Costa Rica has picked up this reputation as the natural wonderland of Latin America. But believe me it's not. It's all about the fact that Costa Rica just happens to be the first adventure that first worlders take down to a third world country and the fact that their local travel agent in Cleveland is forever touting weekend and five day travel packages to Costa Rica.
[04:00] So it's just a matter of time for the average American who's a little bit sick of Disneyland in Vegas to book a flight and end up in Costa Rica. And since most vacationers who end up in Costa Rica have never been south of Florida or south of Tijuana, when they arrive in Costa Rica and get hit with that blast of tropical air at the airport and take a deep breath of that musty jungle scent, that Cinderella effect kicks in and you think you've really landed in some place special. So for the vast majority of people landing in Costa Rica that's the first time they've ever seen that lush tropical effect that's actually natural, not a prefabricated manicured put on like it is in Vegas or in Florida. But I'm telling you if you land practically anywhere in Latin America, Belize, Honduras, Panama, Colombia, Peru, you're going to find ten times the diversity and the lush plush
[04:47] paradise that most first world people think only exists in Costa Rica somehow. Though when I tell people about the lush plush ecosystems in the rest of the countries in Latin America, they don't really believe it. They give me a kind of a jaundiced eye like, are you sure about that? I mean I know that some of them actually think that places like Salvador, Honduras, Nicaragua, Latin countries that are in the general vicinity of Costa Rica, well they think that those countries are just vast stretches of mountains and deserts, just cactus and sagebrush. Like somehow every other Latin American country, especially Central American countries are hot dry and parched. They think the landscape looks like some kind of cowboy movie. You know when the Banditos escape to Mexico and all of a sudden when they cross the Rio Grande it's nothing but mountains, cactus, desert and swarms of vultures circling overhead
[05:35] waiting for you to drop dead of thirst. But let me assure you it's not like that at all down here. Every single Latin American country has its lush plush tropical rainforest areas with the toucans and the monkeys and the parrots and all that, all bigger, better and more diverse than anything you'll find in Costa Rica. With the possible exception of El Salvador only because Salvador is a much smaller country than Costa Rica itself. But even El Salvador has its ocelots and jaguars and poison tree frogs and every other kind of wildlife and jungle fauna that Costa Rica has. So just remember if you never make it to Costa Rica you're not missing some one of a kind wildlife jungle experience of a lifetime that you're never going to find anywhere else. That's not only a myth, it's an absolute lie. And some people have said to me, but Johnny, Costa Rica's got all that active volcano
[06:24] you can go right up the side of it, rent a cabin and hear it rumble and feel the ground shake under your feet every 24 hours just like clockwork. What an intense one of a kind experience that is. And you know what I say to them, well, why don't you try Guatemala? It's got 11 active volcanoes and at any given time more than one of those is rumbling, shaking and spewing volcanic dust in the air that'll cover your car and backpack as you're walking up the side of it. And there's an experience you're not going to forget, a little taste of Donte's Inferno. And unlike Costa Rica, you've got generations of locals living alongside that volcano and growing and planting their crops year after year, all the way up to the top of the summit. Even though that thing blows with regularity. Well, when those volcanoes blow, it's just another inconvenience they have to deal with.
[07:11] Like they and their indigenous ancestors have been doing for hundreds if not thousands of years. So if you're one active volcano, you go to Guatemala, Nicaragua or Honduras. Or Costa Rica too, of course. But somehow, most package-deal tourists have gotten it into their heads that Costa Rica is the place to be if you want to see a real live active volcano because they've got one called Arenal. And yes, it's true, but it's not nearly as spectacular as some of the other ones in neighboring countries, believe me. And the truth is, if you go to any Latin American city with more than about 100,000 people, you're not going to see much tropical flora or fauna at all. Except in the parks and the wealthier areas of town where there's a lot of open land and people have big gardens. Because the fact is, more than half of the people in Latin America are so poor that they do their cooking with wood.
[07:57] That means that a huge segment of the population is forever scrounging for firewood. So every city is pretty much picked to the bone except in designated areas like gardens and parks. And that's not to say there aren't some very beautiful areas in some of the big cities in Latin America. There are, but only in certain designated spots, places the locals haven't raided for firewood. And that means of course within a mile or two of the area around every city, big and small, slightly outside the city limits, those areas too are constantly being scrounged for firewood. Which means naturally the habitat for toucans, monkeys and ocelots, well, you're not going to find any wildlife like that close to any city, that's for sure. But you just get out of any city in Latin America 5 or 10 miles away and you're back in the jungle again. Or if you're in the Altiplano, the higher elevation regions, you're back into the rain
[08:44] or cloud forest. And those flocks of parrots and toucans start reappearing again. Now that's not to say there aren't some desert areas, some big desert areas in Central and South America. There are. Every country has its dry section, even Costa Rica. I don't know if you know this, but they have an area on the Pacific coast called Guanacaste, which makes up about one fifth of the whole country. And if you fly over that region, you'll see the land is all parched and dry. With spotty areas of low grass and shrubs, not at all that dense tropical rainforest that you imagine when you think of Costa Rica. When you're in that region and you're not going to see monkeys and toucans in none of the tropical flora and fauna that you find in a lot of the other rural areas of Costa Rica. And for expats who do buy big tracts of land in Guanacaste, Costa Rica for whatever reason, well, they find out that if their land is on the Pacific Ocean, they can put up a hotel
[09:33] or a bed and breakfast or other touristy kinds of things there. Because you can almost always make a go of a business if you have a decent beachfront, right? And good access. But if you're in Guanacaste and don't have beachfront access, you might as well stick to cattle farming because it's almost too dry for anything else. And the same thing is true for every other country in Latin America. They've got their lush, plush regions and they've got their areas like Guanacaste that do look like a Sergio Leone spaghetti western, where horses are foaming at the mouth and dropping dead and everybody spends half of the movie looking for that waterhole. Anyway, the bottom line is, don't believe those rumors that Costa Rica is the natural eco-paradise of Latin America. It's not. If I had to rate it, I'd put it about number 10 on the list. For my money, Costa Rica is only more biodiverse than a few select Latin American countries.
[10:20] I'll take it over Mexico, Salvador and Belize and that's about it. Mexico because it's been ruined and plundered by a population that doesn't care. Salvador because it's a tiny little country. And Belize because it's so flat. But it doesn't have much geographical diversity at all. Which in fact makes it quite geographically monotonous and boring. On the mainland that is. However, the bay islands of Belize are another thing altogether. But they're first world expensive too. Just like Costa Rica is. So what I'm saying is there are at least four central American countries alone that blow away Costa Rica for biodiversity. Honduras, Guatemala, Panama and Nicaragua. So please no more emails asking me to reconsider scratching Costa Rica off my list, okay? The very best thing to do is come down here and check it out for yourself.
[11:06] And I'd like to talk a little bit about something else I've been getting a lot of emails about lately. Remember a few shows ago I talked about how Latin Americans in general have been getting fatter and fatter. Just like people in the first world? Well I want to tell you that there's one big difference that me and a lot of expats have noticed. There's really no stigma at all to being fat down here. And it's not because there are so many fat people because there are. And here's the way it breaks down. Usually people remain quite skinny until they're about 20, 25 years old. Then as for the women, as soon as they have children they let themselves go and they do get fat. I mean sometimes really fat. So these days you rarely see a woman over 30 years old who hasn't put on a lot of weight in all the wrong places. Whereas opposed to maybe 10 or 15 years ago it was quite the opposite. A lot of women over 30, even the majority of women over 30, were fit and trim.
[11:54] Even ones who've had a lot of kids. And as for the men it's pretty much the same thing. When they're under 25 years old they're doing a lot of sports, playing soccer in the street. Many of them have physical jobs, working on road crews and construction and stuff. Or they're out in the sun all day working hard and sweating and they're as fit as can be. But once they get past 25 years old, every one of these guys it seems, starts developing a pretty noticeable pot belly or worse. Which I guess is pretty much the same up in the first world. Though up in the first world we have all those health clubs you can go to and all those TV, ab buster and thigh master gadgets you can buy. Which always end up in the closet anyway. But like I said if you're fat down here in Latin America there's no stigma attached. Not like the first world. In fact the word for fat is Gordo for men and Gorda for women.
[12:39] And if a man is fat, the word fatty will become his nickname, Gordo. And often a fat woman will be called Gorda and that's a term of endearment too. So in Latin American countries when they call you fatty, it's a physical description as well as a name. And no fat person is insulted at all by it. Just try calling somebody fatso up in the states, you'll get your lights punched out. But that'll never happen down here. Now that isn't to say fat women and men in Latin America don't want to lose weight. They want to lose it in a big way. I mean you know everyone wants to have that perfect body right? And speaking of those TV ads and stuff, you know that's a real growth industry down here. Since most adult Latins are fat and out of shape. On TV practically every 10 minutes, you see commercials for some kind of device to whip off the fat or a fitted bra, girdle, pants or whatever that helps you tuck in those love handles.
[13:29] And crazier yet, on TV there are all kinds of diet, weight loss, pills, herbs, spices and treatments including gels, salves and lotions, guaranteed to take off the flap and do tons of other miraculous things but they never seem to work. And because there's no FDA or consumer agencies watching this kind of stuff, anything goes and I mean anything goes. If you or I went in our backyard and packaged up some of our cats furballs, if we said it was the latest greatest thing from the first world and made an infomercial out of it, we can make a mint. Because there's absolutely no one minding this store down here when it comes to truth in advertising. There is no truth in advertising and that's why a lot of expats who do watch Spanish language television just can't believe their eyes at what these products are promising. I guess it's the same reason why some first world people have come down here and offer
[14:16] seminars at 100 bucks a head. Lately has-been gringos have been coming down with PowerPoint presentations, teaching gullible latins with a few extra bucks, the secrets of stock market trading on the US stock exchange. Yeah, you'll learn all that in a three hour course at the Holiday Inn, how to buy and sell and beat the Dow index in three easy steps. Yeah, right, are these people gullible or what? Well, guess what? These guys sell out these bogus seminars. The speaker tells them in the first 10 minutes of that seminar, he's going to teach them the secret stock trading methods used by the big boys. So they're not left out on the next big wave of Microsoft's and Apple's and Google's and Facebook's. They put up the charts and graphs of the big IT companies and show how much money they would have made if they bought in at the first IPO offering. You know, anyone who invested a thousand bucks at the first Microsoft or Apple IPO, well
[15:05] right now they'd be millionaires many times over. And that kind of presentation is exactly what these gullible latins eat right up. Because let's face it, anybody in the know realizes you don't put any money into the stock market right now. Individual investors never make money in the market anymore. It's impossible. Everybody knows it's those big banks and institutional traders that push the market around. They have computer programs that watch the market and make nanosecond decisions based on what's happening. They shift billions of dollars in funds around and make thousands of trades before you and I could even get a phone call into our broker. The individual investor can never win in that game anymore. That game's been over for years and anyone who's got a half a brain knows that's true. But down in Latin America it's all about the lag time. People down here really believe the hype about the stock market.
[15:53] And not only that, we're just now starting to see down here finance shows like the ones you see on CNN and the BBC popping up in Spanish. And Latin people with a little money are thinking hey I want to get a little piece of this too. Not knowing the history of the stock market at all. And what's happened in the last 10 or 20 years. And that it's really no better than playing the slot machines in Vegas. But yes the average latin guy who's taken a stock market course, if he knows anything about the dot com bubble or the real estate bubble or the banking disaster in bailout and they just shrug their shoulders and give you kind of a funny look. They're just completely oblivious to the fact that that stuff ever happened up in the first world. It's just not on their radar. They think if they take a weekend crash course, they too can have spectacular returns. Yeah right. I've talked to some of these guys, supposedly educated latin people, lawyers, doctors, accountants.
[16:43] And they say to me, hey Johnny I got five or six thousand dollars. What stock's a good one to put my money in right now? And then I think of that WC Fields line, there's a sucker barn every minute. Because you know what, if Johnny Mueller knew what stock was a good one for them to put their money in, I'd be sucking daiquiris on my personal yacht outside of Monaco right now. I mean come on, you got people coming up to me, Johnny. A guy who got burned 15 years ago in the market. So they're asking me to pick a stock for them. Can you believe that? Is that not the definition of gullibility? Come on. And if you get a broker, he's going to be calling you and giving you tips and he doesn't know any more than you do. In fact, he's just looking to turn you over and turn you over to get more commissions for himself, right? Because that's how brokers make their living. And in fact, I don't know of a single expat who's made a lot of money in the market.
[17:30] The only ones it seems who ever do are people who do it for a living. You got to be on it all the time. I mean if it's your hobby and you spend three or four hours a day at it, you just might make money. But 99.9% of people who play the market don't do that, so they get churned and burned. So the point is, Latin's in their desire to be like first world people. Fall like a rock into first world pitfalls too. They fall for all those first world gimmicks, no matter how stale or out of favor. Like weekend stock market and commodity seminars and don't forget those timeshare offers. They've made it down here too. I mean who in their right mind up in the first world would ever think of buying a timeshare these days? I mean up in the first world, most people would be embarrassed to admit they got sucked in to one of those. And after a few years, everyone tries to dump theirs and that's when they realize they're
[18:18] not worth anything so they usually can't. So if they are lucky enough to get rid of one, they sell it maybe 20 cents on the dollar. So where in the world are timeshare pitches alive and well? Where are the people so stupid and gullible that they'd fall for that one after it's been discredited some 15 or 20 years ago up in the states? You guessed it, down here in Latin America. And now along with that, you have those weekend stock market and commodities courses. Oh yes, commodity courses too, I've seen them lately. Advertise in the paper. You know, some smart ass gringo comes down and the ads tout a one of a kind seminar given by a first world guru. Well some first world guys are making money, dusting off their old stock market or options course and translating it into Spanish. That seems to be a growing trend down here. And what does that have to do with people getting fatter and fatter down here in Latin
[19:05] America just like they are up in the first world? Well it has to do with gullibility and how it plays into the fact that overweight people will buy anything and everything that they see on TV as long as it looks like a shortcut to losing weight. And the key to the marketing and advertising is to say that the product is coming from up in the first world. And since most Latin Americans over 35 are carrying around extra weight, the sales of cheap TV exercise devices and weight loss pills and salves and lotions is simply one huge growth industry. 10 years ago you just didn't see any of that stuff on TV and now every other commercial is for some kind of weight loss product or another. I tell you it's a marketers dream. So if you have a marginal product that does almost nothing but it's in a nice package and it's got references to the first world. For example there's one diet powder product on TV that says it's a Hollywood weight loss
[19:55] secret direct from Beverly Hills and it guarantees that if you use it you'll lose 10 pounds in a month. And it does about 25 other things too, in fact it's touted as a miracle drug. So anyway one day a couple of weeks ago I was at Expat Eddie's house and as I walked through the kitchen I noticed that there was 5 or 6 bottles of this stuff sitting on the kitchen counter. And I said hey Eddie that's not that stuff that's on TV all the time, you know that weight loss stuff. And Eddie laughed and winked and he said yeah and that's not all, you should see what else it does. And he handed me a bottle and said read the back of it, and it's in Spanish of course but listen to this, this is what it said on the back of that bottle. Okay so here's what this stuff does, along with reducing your weight it rejuvenates and restores the elasticity of your skin, stops the aging process, it even says it's like
[20:42] having cosmetic surgery without the surgery. Not only that it says it doubles your energy, eliminates fat and restores it with muscular mass, increases your sexual function, eliminates wrinkles and crow's feet, it restores the natural color to your hair, it stabilizes your natural levels of cholesterol, it restores poor vision and memory, gives you a good night's sleep and eliminates insomnia, normalizes high blood pressure, establishes a strong and steady heart rate, fortifies your immune system and eliminates generalized aches and pains. And finally it says it normalizes and moderates menstrual periods. And then after that it says the product is for both men and women. Okay so what about my menstrual period then? Anyway on the label it says made in and then it has the Canadian maple leaf stamped on
[21:31] it which makes you think it's coming from Canada or the first world. But they don't say Canada, United States or anything, they just give you the impression it's coming from the first world like Canada. So with this miracle pill they're keeping the country of origin secret now aren't they? And then came the obvious question I said Eddie what's this stuff doing in your house? And then he laughed and said I bet you thought it was for me huh? And I said no because it doesn't say anything about curing whiskey or nicotine addictions. And then Eddie told me he'd bought a couple of bottles of this stuff from the TV ad for Sandra and Sandra, his two household workers. Because he says every time that commercial comes on his cleaning lady and his cook they stop everything they're doing and look at that television set for a few minutes glued to it, kind of mesmerized by that product. And of course he said you know on their salary about a couple hundred bucks a month they
[22:19] could never afford to buy that stuff which was like $25 for a hundred capsules. And you know I knew why Eddie's cook was mesmerized by that product she's like 50 pounds overweight a real short little indigenous lady she looks like a 55 gallon drum wrapped in a comforter. And I said Eddie you know she doesn't need those pills she just needs to cut her tortilla intake down to about 10 or 20 a day. And then Eddie said yeah I know and she puts a ton of sugar and salt and everything's she cooks. And by the way that's what you have to watch out for down here when you eat a home cooked meal in anybody's house. It's always really doused in sugar and salt so look out for that. And unfortunately that's a tradition down here. And then I said but Eddie you got that fat cook right but what about the other one she's a skinny little lady actually one of the few really skinny indigenous ladies I've seen.
[23:06] I'm talking about ladies who've had kids because once they've had a few kids they always seem to gain weight except for her. And Eddie said yeah yeah I know what you mean take my cook who's like 50 pounds overweight and she's about 4 foot 10 and she's using those pills to lose weight and my skinny rail thin cleaning lady is using those pills because she heard a rumor that they'll make her gain weight. Go figure. So once again Eddie's the hero of his household and why Latin people prefer to work for gringos because what Latin boss is going to spend 25 bucks to buy pills from a TV offer for his cleaning lady and his cook. That kind of stuff just is never going to happen. Unless of course your boss is a gringo or a gringo. And like I said before the cleaning ladies and help that work for you. Their families also benefit in a lot of other ways when they work for a gringo. We know they're poor and living on the edge so we're always giving things away to them.
[23:55] I mean there's no such thing as Goodwill or St. Vincent de Paul down here. There's no drop off box for used clothes and chairs and household items you give them to your cleaning lady or the cook or the gardener or the shoeshine boy or the kid selling papers on the corner. I mean Expat Eddie has given away TVs and old bikes and tennis shoes and even things that lower and middle class Latins wouldn't have a use for in a million years. But he always asks his help first if they want it before he throws it away. Even if it's absolutely of no use to them at all. Like for example Eddie gave his cleaning lady a crow case set and a couple of tennis rackets. Yeah I can just see his indigenous cleaning lady on the tennis court whacking balls. Nope that ain't going to happen. And one day Eddie was throwing out a lot of stuff. And his maintenance guy was sticking around waiting to get the leftovers. And Eddie who used to go deep sea fishing in Costa Rica.
[24:42] He had a nice big stuffed marlin about 7 and a half feet long. And of course Eddie offered the thing to his gardener because he offers everything that he's going to throw away to his workers which is cool. And every gringo does that which is another reason why we're popular bosses because we throw away perfectly good things just because we're sick of looking at them or they've gone out of fashion whereas Latins never throw anything away. Which is why the Salvation Army and St. Vincent de Paul would go broke down here. Anyway Eddie didn't know what his gardener wanted with that swordfish but he didn't care so he gave it to him. And Eddie said one day about 3 months later he had to drop his gardener off at his house in the barrio. You know lower middle class tin roofs and all that. And Eddie asked if he could use the bathroom so he went inside the guy's house. You know very spartan the usual thing tin roof, cold running water and all that.
[25:28] And when Eddie walked in to his surprise he noticed that his swordfish was mounted up on the wall. But because the room was so small and there were pictures of old relatives and wall hangings and stuff all over the place. The guy had mounted the swordfish vertically instead of horizontally. You know the point of its bill sticking straight up and the tail jammed against the floor. And Eddie noticed too that someone had cut 6 or 8 inches off the point of the bill of that fish because the ceiling itself was only about 7 feet tall and the fish almost 8 feet long. So something had to give and so the guy cut the bill off to make it fit. And Eddie said it was like a scene out of a Three Stooges movie. Here's Eddie's bill fish in a place of honor in this guy's living room with the most magnificent part of the fish, the bill, cut off to make it fit in the room. Eddie told me he had to bite both cheeks to keep from laughing.
[26:15] To laugh would have been a big no no. Because you see in a humble family like that if you laugh if you're in the guy's house it could be taken as a big insult. Because after all these guys don't have much and what they have they're proud of. So like Eddie says it's always nice to throw a compliment or two around when you're in one of these guys' houses because it means a lot coming from a gringo. Because all the locals think that gringos live a life of luxury and can have anything they want and if they give a compliment it's kind of a once in a lifetime thing. It's something that a humble guy or gal making two or three hundred bucks a month will remember for a long long time. And unless someone's just told a joke, never never just outright laugh or for that matter roll your eyes if you see something peculiar. Like for example if you're at dinner and you see a chicken foot floating in your soup.
[27:01] And I'm not kidding ya, down here in Latin America if you get invited to dinner sometimes with the common people, the lower classes, they'll put things like chicken feet and pigs ears in things like soup. And believe me the first time that happened to me I just about went into a panic. But luckily enough I fished it out when no one was looking and slipped it under the table to the dog. Anyway I know I got a little sidetracked there but I just had to tell you that story because I've been getting a lot of emails lately from people asking me to tell a few more expat eddy stories. So if you want expat eddy stories, don't worry I got a million of them. You've been listening to The Expat Files, living in Latin America, coming to you each week from somewhere south of the border. And don't forget you can email me on anything at all about Latin America, The Expat Files
[27:50] at gmail.com. Once again, The Expat Files at gmail.com. See you next time, nos vemos!