Episode Summary
In this episode of The Expat Files, Johnny Mueller discusses the topic of women backpacking through Latin America, emphasizing that it is not recommended due to the risks of assault, robbery, and other dangers. Despite these warnings, many women still come to the region with the hope of finding a romantic connection with a local man. Johnny shares anecdotes and observations about the common occurrence of women forming romantic relationships with local men, especially in tourist areas. He also describes how some local men have developed strategies to attract foreign tourists, such as posing as tour guides and using their charm to engage with backpackers.
Johnny recounts a story about a Latin tour guide who exploits first-world women by engaging them in relationships, often leading to financial support and, in some cases, attempts to secure a permanent visa through pregnancy. The guide admits to receiving monthly payments from women he's been with, and he describes how some women arrange visas for him to live in the first world. However, the story also reveals that these men often have existing families in Latin America, and their relationships with first-world women are part of a broader pattern of exploitation and manipulation.
Johnny discusses his experiences in Costa Rica, particularly on the Pacific side, where he rented a bungalow and observed interactions between young female tourists and local Latin men. He highlights the cultural dynamics, including the prevalence of young Latin beach bums, the romantic entanglements that often occur, and the challenges faced by tourists, especially women, in terms of relationships and potential pitfalls like unwanted pregnancies. He also touches on the cultural aspect of dancing and the general perception of first-world tourists in Latin countries.
In this segment, Johnny Mueller discusses the dynamics of romantic relationships between first world women and Latin men, particularly focusing on the challenges and perceptions involved. He mentions the presence of 12 million or more illegal aliens in the United States, suggesting a context of immigration and cultural interactions. He explores the idea that a young Latin girl might not pursue a relationship with a first world man on vacation due to the complexities of paternity, potential denial, and social repercussions. Johnny also shares a story about a Latin man who frequently has relationships with first world women, attributing his success to the fact that less attractive women tend to provide more financial support. He notes that Latin men generally prefer blonde, blue-eyed women, and he humorously comments on the artificiality of bleached hair. Johnny also contrasts the acceptance of mixed-race relationships in Europe with the more conservative attitudes in the United States, citing examples from Berlin and Chicago. He concludes by suggesting that a first world woman might seek a fling with a Latin man in a beach town as a form of forbidden fruit, noting the social consequences of such relationships in her hometown.
The segment discusses the challenges of living in certain regions, particularly focusing on the social and cultural pressures that led a couple to move out of Chicago. It highlights the decision to start fresh in a new town to escape relatives and friends, which seems to have worked for them. The segment then shifts to Johnny's commentary on the realities of backpacking, emphasizing the physical and medical issues that travelers often face due to low hygiene standards and cheap accommodations. Johnny warns about the risks of cheap food and water, especially in places like Bolivia, and advises travelers to be cautious about hygiene. He also discusses the importance of hot water in hotels, noting that it's not always available in sinks and that it's more reliable in first-world hotel franchises. The segment concludes with Johnny's personal experience with hot water and the common issues faced by backpackers, such as fleas and other pests in low-end accommodations.
In this segment, Johnny Mueller discusses the often unsanitary and uncomfortable conditions that backpackers face in low-budget hotels in the third world. He describes the poor state of hotel accommodations, including neglected bird cages and filthy furniture, and shares a personal anecdote about being stung by a scorpion in Belize. He emphasizes the risks of living in such environments and advises against eating cheap street food. The segment ends with a teaser for a future episode on the topic.
Topics
Safety concerns for women backpacking in Latin America, Romantic relationships between foreign tourists and local men, Exploitation of first-world women by Latin men, Tourist towns and their associated social dynamics, Financial manipulation and relationships, Visa arrangements and legal residency, Cultural and economic disparities between first-world and Latin American countries, Tourist experiences in Costa Rica, Cultural dynamics between tourists and locals, Romantic entanglements and relationships, Dancing culture in Latin countries, Travel advice and warnings
Chapters
00:00:00 Opening 00:00:42 Warning About Backpacking Alone in Latin America 00:00:58 The Persistence of Romantic Dreams Despite Risks 00:02:00 The Secret Hope of Finding a Latin Lover 00:05:55 The Surprising Reality of the Tour Guide's Financial Arrangements 00:07:13 The Jackpot: Securing a Permanent Visa Through Pregnancy 00:09:13 The Kicker: The Tour Guide's Existing Family in Latin America 00:10:16 Introduction to Costa Rica's Tourist Scene and Cultural Dynamics 00:10:55 Observations of Romantic Entanglements and Cultural Interactions 00:11:36 Warning About Unwanted Pregnancies and the Importance of Condoms 00:13:11 Cultural Insights on Latin Women's Attitudes Toward Tourist Relationships 00:13:59 The Role of Dancing in Latin Culture and Tourist Experiences 00:15:15 Illegal Aliens and Cultural Contexts in the United States 00:15:27 Challenges of Romantic Relationships Between Latin Girls and First World Men 00:16:41 Financial Support and Attractiveness in Relationships with Latin Men 00:17:22 Preferences for Blonde, Blue-Eyed Women in Latin Culture 00:19:13 Cultural Acceptance of Mixed-Race Relationships in Europe vs. the United States 00:20:03 Forbidden Fruit Syndrome and Social Consequences of Relationships 00:20:26 Moving Out of Chicago Due to Social Pressures 00:20:30 Social and Cultural Pressures from Both Sides 00:20:35 Deciding to Start Fresh in a New Town 00:20:39 Escaping Relatives and Friends for a New Start 00:20:44 The New Start Seems to Be Working 00:20:46 Enough Said About That 00:20:48 Realities of Living Down Here 00:20:53 Not What You See in Travel Magazines 00:25:29 Hotel Conditions and Bird Cages 00:26:01 The Unsanitary Reality of Low-Budget Hotels 00:26:23 A Personal Scorpion Sting Experience
Transcript
Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.
[00:11] Hi everybody, I'm Johnny Mueller, and you're listening to The Expat Files, living in Latin America, the one-of-a-kind show that tells you what it's like to live, work, play and or retire in Latin America, so let's get started. Since I've had a lot of emails about backpacking it through Latin America, and not only backpacking, but traveling and living on the cheap down here, and even more about women who backpack it through Latin America, I'm going to continue on with that theme right now. And again, I'm going to state for the record that women backpacking through Latin America alone or in pairs is not recommended. And if you come down here, you're going to see them all right. So it seems that all the stories of assaults, robberies and worse, haven't seemed to put
[00:58] much of a dent in those freewheeling spirits that come down here for adventure. And believe it or not, a lot of these single backpackers that come down here, both women and men, come down with the idea in the back of their head that they just might find a little Latin romance. And it's a little thing that most people will never talk about, though they might insinuate. I mean, who doesn't have a fantasy of a nice Latin romance? Wouldn't that be nice? And incidentally, over the years I've talked to dozens and dozens of vacationing women down here. And they all have that little look in their eye when I start to mention the stories I know about women that have come down and had their own vacation fling with a Latin guy. So many ladies that come down here have that secret hope of hooking up with their very own Latin lover, like a Harlequin romance. Now ladies, don't tell me that thought isn't in the back of your head somewhere, even though
[01:47] you'll probably never admit it. It's only logical because most guys I know come down here with a thought in the back of their head that they might find their own Selma Hayek. Because to tell you the truth, that's one of the only reasons I can think of why women would be so willing to come down here and backpack it alone or in pairs. Because if women come down with a guy or a group of guys, there's just no way to keep a fling with a Latin guy a secret. But if a girl comes down here alone or with a female friend on the same mission, well then they can have a pact and keep the secret under their hat. And when they go back home, the secret's safe and nobody will be the wiser. Now before any of you women start sending me angry emails about this, well personally I've seen it a dozen times and every expat I know will tell you the same thing. In fact, I dare you to come down to any one of the popular tourist towns down here and
[02:35] try this little experiment. Just sit yourself down at any busy sidewalk cafe on a tourist strip and start doing a little serious people watching. And I'll bet you a hundred to one, as the throngs of tourists pass by you'll see the odd blonde, blue eyed, sunburned gringa or European backpacker girl on vacation, walking hand in hand with one of the handsome Latin local boys. And those first world girls on vacation, they seem to hook up with a specific type, the handsome tight t-shirt surfer boy beach bum type. And in the tourist spots, there's a lot of those guys around. And I know what I'm talking about because I've spent a lot of time at these Latin American beach resorts and these handsome Latin guys that they hook up with, well hooking up with
[03:20] gringas and European girls, well that seems to be their only job. Aside from preening themselves, hanging out on the beach, playing volleyball and doing water sports. And I noticed the phenomena myself in full bloom, when I hung around for four months in a Latin American beach town and I noticed as the tourists and the cruise ships came and went. Every two weeks or so, the same group of handsome surfer bums had a different first world lady hanging on their arm. Now since I'm an expert people watcher myself, I caught one of these guys between girls and bought him a couple drinks one day. And I buttered him up a little bit and asked him, you know, what's his secret? How's it possible that every few weeks he's got a new beautiful first world girl on his arm? And being a macho Latin guy, after a few drinks he was glad to lay it out for me.
[04:08] In fact, he told me nothing about it is haphazard. And in fact, he's got a friend that works down at the city bus station and that guy gives him a heads up on his cell phone anytime a bunch of single backpacking women arrive in town. And once he spots his mark, he's got a tour guide spiel going and he's even got a little laminated plastic badge with the tourism department stamped on it, which shows that he's an official tour guide. But like he said, practically any local can get a badge like that. And because he knows just enough English to get by, he approaches a first world girl at the bus station and says, you're new in town, right? Well, you're in luck because I'm a tour guide. And if there's anything you want, anything you might need or any tour that you want to go on, I'm your man. And he's a handsome, muscular guy.
[04:56] So they give him a little bit of their time. And then he says, look, you look tired. You just got off the bus. You need a rest. How about if I buy you a Coke at that restaurant over there and I'll explain all the tours that we have available and I'll give you a heads up on all the fun things and night spots in town. And if you don't have a hotel yet, well, I know exactly where to go and where the best deals are. And he said more than half of the time he's on his way and the girl bites and they go to the restaurant and she ends up not only buying the Cokes, but the dinners too. And most of the time he ends up as her personal tour guide for the rest of her vacation, be it three days, a week or two weeks or whatever. And after a while he uses his Latin charms, professes his great love for her and they end up in the sack, usually. And of course she ends up buying him all his dinners, paying for the tours and buying him
[05:45] little things like watches and cameras and tennis shoes and clothes. And he's been at this long enough to know just how far he can push it. Now here comes the surprising part. He pulled out his wallet and showed me three different photographs of first world girls that he'd been with. And all three of them were sending him money monthly by Western Union. I said, what do you mean they're sending you money? How'd that happen? Well, he said after he gets to know the girl for a while, he lays on some hard luck family story about a sick brother or a father with cancer or that he's trying to save money to go to university, but he just can't get it together. Anyway, you have to remember he's talking to a wealthy first world woman here and she sees the relative state of poverty that most of these people live in.
[06:32] And this guy's just not any old tour guide. He's her new toy boy and she knows that when she goes back home, it wouldn't be hard at all to send him a hundred bucks here and there. Why not? She could blow that much or more sitting a few hours at the beauty parlor back home. And the fact was the guy told me he was still getting payouts from all three women, although he admits that after a few months, the payments start petering out and after a while they just stop. So what I'm saying, in the tourist towns especially, it's a way of life for some of these guys. And the young single women, they buy right into it. But that's not all. The obvious jackpot for these Latin lover types is not just to have some money trickling in from a few love affairs. The jackpot he said to me was to get one of these girls to arrange a permanent visa so
[07:19] that he could go to the United States or Europe and live there as a legal resident. And the easiest and best way to do that was to get the girl pregnant. Because that way he'd be on her family's gravy train forever. And he'd told me about a few of his Latin beach bum friends who had done just that. And he told me how it worked out for one of his best friends. And he said it didn't exactly have a happy ending for her, but for his Latin buddy, well, he did hit the jackpot. It seems his buddy, a good looking Latin surfer bum like him, got a nice Jewish girl from New Jersey pregnant and she'd fallen in love with him. So she wanted to keep the baby. And when she got home and found out she was pregnant and she told her parents, they read her the riot act naturally. What else would you expect?
[08:06] But since she was in love and all that her parents arranged to get the guy a visa so that he could fly up to New Jersey and meet the family. And when they met him and found out that he had a 10th grade education and no skills whatsoever, except for surfing, they just knew it wasn't going to work out. So they made a deal to give the guy a monthly check, a kind of a payoff to get rid of him. And their daughter, well, she did have the baby. And the Latin guy, he's in the United States and he does have a permanent visa. And he still occasionally shows up at the parents house, ostensibly to see the kid, but actually just to tap him for a little bit more money. And as bad as that sounds, then came the real surprising news. Turns out, the guy was back down here in Latin America for a while and the guy I was talking to asked me if I wanted to meet him.
[08:51] I said, no, no, that's okay. But then I had to ask, what's he doing down here? If his big goal in life was to get a visa and escape to the first world legally. And it turns out the reason why the guy's back down here for a while is he's visiting his wife and kids, another family that he had down here way before he ever met the gringa. And that's the kicker, folks. The guy that told me this story, he's got a wife and a kid in a nearby town too. So it boils down to basically this, these Latin lover beach bum type guys that hang around the tourist towns, preening themselves and looking like Latin Adonis's. Well the plan is to meet up with a first world girl, have a baby with her and get on the gravy train.
[09:37] But they don't want to get married because even these shiftless guys know about bigamy. And most of them, even the very young ones, seem to have a wife or at least one kid stashed somewhere down here. And the way they pull it off is that the wife and kids are usually in some far off town and fending for themselves on their own. And these Latin lover types are basically gigolos who figured out a way to take advantage of first world girls coming down alone and dreaming about being swept off their feet by their own Antonio Banderas with a six pack. Now when I tell you that I've been witness to this a few times myself, there's another variation on this I saw down in Costa Rica. Now in Costa Rica, on the Pacific side especially, there's a lot of little tourist towns and of course that means a lot of young Latin beach bum surfer types looking for gringas.
[10:26] Now once I rented a cheap bungalow in a vacation complex down by one of these beaches. And the bungalows on my left and right, which were about 50 foot away from mine, were each occupied by a pair of women in their early 20s. And I saw them when they arrived hauling their backpacks up to the front door, collapsing on the hammocks with a beer, eventually changing into their bikinis and running off to the beach. Well I tell you it didn't take three days before both pairs of women on either side of me had connected with their own Latin lovers. And after that for the next few weeks, these handsome Latin beach bum guys moved in and took right over. And it was obvious that these girls were in love. Well I take that back, it was more like I'm 2000 miles away from my parents, nobody can
[11:14] check up on me, I've got daddy's visa card and I've hooked up with my very own Latin heartthrob kind of love. So mothers and fathers out there, that's just what can happen when you let your daughter and her friend go down the Costa Rica and rent a bungalow on your credit card. And thankfully the only saving grace is, most first world girls are smart enough not to get pregnant, though a lot of young girls do fall in love down here. And since there's tons of handsome Latin guys, well I can see why. But the fact is, most of these guys never finished high school either and are living on two dollars a day too. So my advice to you first world ladies down here who are on vacation, don't get pregnant and don't fall in love. I know that's easier said than done. And speaking of unwanted pregnancy, here's another good piece of advice for all you ladies
[12:02] down here on vacation or who are planning to come down here on vacation. If you happen to fall in love or lust with one of these handsome young beach bum guys, and even if he's not a beach bum, ladies provide your own condoms. Don't trust the guy who brings his own condoms, not down here. That's because down here there's a lot of leaky condoms going around on purpose if you know what I mean. And for some of these guys, leaky condoms are a way to stack the odds if you're looking to get on the gravy train. And I know I've been picking a lot on women tourists down here, and I really don't mean to. But the fact is, women tourists traveling alone are in pairs, whether they're backpackers or not, often hook up with latin lovers, but the reverse is almost never true.
[12:49] I mean to say, the young male backpacker down here on vacation might fall for any number of young beautiful latin girls down here. But the thing is, most latin girls won't play that game. I'm not saying you can't go out to a disco and find the occasional wild and crazy latin girl that'll hook up with you in a second. But that's just not that common. That's not the way it is. And that's because the latin girls down here have figured it out. They know that any first world guy, in the tourist towns at least, is only going to be around for a week or two. So what's the use of putting a lot of faith in a romantic relationship when it's going to be over just that fast? So if a young first world guy is on vacation, and he's in a disco, and he buys a drink for a young latin girl, and he dances with her a few times, and believe me, the first time
[13:34] you dance with a latin girl, you're bound to look and feel like a paraplegic, believe me. Because it's true, gringos can't dance, and I can prove it. But thankfully, latin women are nice enough to never make you feel awkward about your spastic moves. In fact, even first world women who think they can dance look pretty pathetic, matched up against the average latina. But we'll go into that later, and as lame as it sounds, talking about dancing, it does deserve some discussion, because dancing is a huge part of the culture down here. I mean, every birthday party in fiesta I've ever been to down here, there's always a wild group of 3 and 4 year old kids busting a move. And it's amazing. But anyway, let me just warn you first world young guys out there, who think you're going to come down on spring break or whatever, and score with the young latin girls.
[14:22] Well I don't care what you've heard. The fact is, you'll have a better chance back at the hometown disco back up in the states. And it's not at all because the latin girls don't like first world guys, they really do. But the average latina won't let a guy on vacation take advantage of her. And that's only natural. So when you see these videos of all these wild and crazy college kids going down to Cancun on spring break, they're not scoring with the local latin girls. And when these college guys brag about the great adventure they had down in Cancun or Costa Rica or whatever, they're not talking about affairs with latin girls, because that would be pretty rare. They're talking about hooking up with other wild and crazy college women who came down on spring break for a wild adventure too. But wait a minute you say, if the average latina also has a goal to somehow get a visa
[15:10] and go to the first world and live legally, which is an assumption that's basically true I might add, and you could back that up by the fact that there's 12 million or more illegal aliens in the United States right now. Well you might think the easy way for a young girl to get that visa is to get impregnated by a handsome young first world guy when he's down here on vacation. Well latin girls aren't dumb, and if she finds out that she's pregnant, perhaps from a first world guy who'd been down for a few weeks, and now he's long gone. Well in the first place, how's she gonna find him to report the good news? In the second place, even if she does find him, he might not believe it's his. And in the third place, he just might go into denial mode, not wanting anybody up north to think he might have done something that dumb, knowing what might happen if he dropped
[15:57] a bombshell like that on his nice middle class American family, not to mention if he's got a first world girlfriend up north, or what it might do to his possible career plans in the future. Anyway, for those reasons and a lot more, the average latina rarely seems to get too serious with a guy on vacation. Oh and by the way, when I was talking to that latin lover beach bum guy, and I asked him my original question, how it seemed that every few weeks, he was arm in arm with a new, blonde, beautiful first world girl. The question was, how did he do it? How did he hook up so fast? It seemed like after one temporary first world girlfriend took off her home, in a few days, he'd have another one. Well he straightened me out on that one too. He said, it doesn't matter if they're beautiful, he said he'd gone out with a lot of mediocre,
[16:48] and even not so good looking girls. And in fact, it's the not so good looking girls that pay out the best, buy him the most gifts, and send back the most money. And another thing, he even gave me a tip for all you first world girls up there, who might want to come down and hook up with a latin lover really quick. And I'm thinking, yeah, that's so hard right? Especially when every latin guy down here has dreams of hooking up with a first world girl. Anyway, he told me that latin men in general, overwhelmingly, prefer blonde, blue eyed or green eyed girls. And that latin guys are immediately drawn to the blonde hair. So I asked him then, if that's the case, why don't all the latin girls just bleach their hair blonde? And he made a funny face and said, you know, on most latin girls it looks really fake.
[17:35] And then I clued him in and said, you know, on first world girls, the blonde hair that you think is real is almost always fake. But he didn't seem to believe me on that one. Each to his own fantasy, I guess. And you know, speaking of latin guys hooking up with first world girls, I've spent enough time in some of the Caribbean islands like Jamaica, the Bahamas, Cuba, and Dominican Republic. Well, I've noticed that a lot of first world girls on vacation in those countries love to hook up with the locals there too. And on those Caribbean islands where generally the people are much poorer than on the mainland, it's even a bigger contrast when you see a blonde haired blue eyed girl from the first world walking hand in hand with a jet black Rasta man whose Bob Marley t-shirt and Ethiopian
[18:22] hat could very well be the best or only wardrobe that he has. And in Cuba, when a young first world girl on vacation hooks up with a local, you can be 100% sure that guy is absolutely dirt poor. Because in the People's Republic of Cuba, everybody, except the politicians of course, makes $20 a month. That's the standard wage down there, whether you're a cab driver or a brain surgeon. But back to romance between first world females and third world men. There's another strange thing that almost every expat I know has noticed when it comes to those kind of mixed romances. It seems that European first world women are much more likely to pick up a third world boyfriend while on vacation than any first world American woman is.
[19:08] And maybe that's just because in Europe, mixed marriages and mixed cultural relationships are much more acceptable over there than they are in the United States. I know the last time I was in Berlin, I saw a lot of black and white couples on the street. And it was no big deal, no one ever batted an eye. And I also know, last time I was back in Chicago, I could walk into any of the busiest malls or right down on State Street in lunch hour traffic and rarely see a mixed race couple. And if I did, certain people would sneak a look out of the corner of their eye. I hate to say it, but it's still like that in the United States. And I imagine it's worse in the deep South. So I can imagine when a first world girl from the United States goes on vacation down in
[19:55] from that boring day job at Walmart, well, I'm no psychologist. But I guess one way to do it is go down to a Latin beach town and have a fling with one of those handsome Latin guys, you know, the forbidden fruit syndrome. Now if you did that back in your hometown of Cleveland, hmm, that begs the question if Cleveland even has any Latin lovers, doesn't it? Anyway, if she could hook up with one in Cleveland, there'd be a heavy social price to pay. And I know that for a fact, because a friend of mine in Chicago married a beautiful first generation Latin girl. And after a few years and a few kids later, they ended up moving out of Chicago because he said there was a lot of social and cultural pressure from both sides. And he told me instead of heading for a certain divorce, they decided to get away from the relatives and friends completely and started off fresh in a whole new town.
[20:44] And for them, it seems to be working. Well, enough said about that. And to our philosophy, we're telling you what it's really like down here, not what you're doing in those glossy travel magazines. So I'll say it again, don't kill the messenger. And one thing in general about backpackers, they seem to suffer a lot of afflictions. And I'm talking about physical and medical conditions that are thankfully mostly temporary. And that's what they get for doing things on the cheap. I mean the real cheap. Because I know backpackers, they're always on the lookout for a cheap meal or a cheap beer or a cheap anything. But what people always forget is the fact that the standards for hygiene are very low to non-existent down here. Not to mention that there's such a water shortage down here that it's been estimated that the
[21:31] average Latin person only washes his hands about one fifth as much as a North American. And when you buy food from a kiosk off the street, they not only don't have running water, they may have just a bucket or two of the same water they use over and over all day. So think about that the next time you belly up to a street vendor down in Bolivia. Now I'm all forgetting a good deal and living life kind of on the cheap myself. But I have my minimum standards. Like I said, I always insist that I have my own private bathroom and hot water. And I mention hot water here because even though all you first world people would never ask a hotel operator such a dumb question, do you have hot water? Well down here you better ask it. Because it's not a dumb question.
[22:18] And even if they say yes, you better ask them if they have hot water all the time. Because I've been to many a hotel that only has hot water if you ask them to turn it on. And that's a big shock in the morning when you get up for a shower and you have to run down to the front desk in your robe or your skivvies and say, hey, can you please turn on the hot water? I'd like to take a shower. Now of course you're going to have hot water if you stay in one of those first world franchise hotels like Howard Johnson's and Holiday Inn's and Best Western's. And believe me, every city over a couple of hundred thousand down here has at least one or two first world hotel franchises like that. And you won't have to ask them if they have hot water. They'll have it. And of course, all your three and four star hotels are going to have hot water too. But remember one thing.
[23:04] Just because they say they have hot water doesn't mean they have hot water in the sinks. When the hotel front desk person says they have hot water, that only means for sure they have hot water in the shower or the tub. And why I mention tubs, I don't know because 90% of the time they just won't have one. And if they do, I recommend you don't try to fill it up because chances are after you see the color of the water that's going to come out of the tap, well, you probably won't even want to take a shower after seeing that. So skip the bathtub. So what I'm saying is if you're used to shaving with hot water, and who isn't? You better do it in the shower because 90% of the time there will be no hot water connection at all at your bathroom sink. And if you bother to look under the sink itself at the piping, you'll see they actually have
[23:54] just one outlet, a cold water outlet going to both the hot and cold water faucet taps. And down here, that's standard operating procedure unless you happen to be paying top buck at a four star hotel. And by the way, that's standard operating procedure if you have a house down here too. In that case, you won't have hot water in the sink in the bathroom or in the kitchen unless you make your own arrangements for it when it's being constructed. But getting back to backpackers, having a lot of physical and medical afflictions. Well, for one thing, when you stay in a flea bag hotel, you're not only at the mercy of lower standards of cleanliness, which means fleas and other nasty insects you've never heard of before, but that I guarantee you're going to spot on the floor, in the corners, in the lampshades, in the bathrooms, you name it.
[24:41] Well, every backpacker hotel I've ever seen has at least two or three scruffy mascots. And that means at least one dirty little dog that looks like it just escaped the clutches of a chef at a Chinese restaurant. In some places have a mangy dog and an undernourished cat or two, and of course, loaded with fleas and who knows what else. And if you were brought up like me, thinking that cats were clean, well, you haven't seen a Latin American cat yet. And don't ask me why, but it's always those undernourished mangy cats and dogs that try to jump on my lap. And why these low-end hotels keep pets I'll never know. They certainly don't add to the ambience, well, they do, but in a bad way. Take for example the fact that most Latin Americans think of themselves as bird lovers.
[25:28] Well, that's a laugh. And in the case of hotels, a lot of them have a bird cage on display in the lobby with a tropical bird or two, and I've never yet walked past one where I didn't feel truly sorry for the bird or birds inside, considering that the cages almost always have paint peeling off of them and the management is always way behind on cleaning out the droppings. And naturally, the lower budget the hotel, the more they neglect their pets. Now I'm just telling you this to give you an idea what kind of conditions backpackers put up with. The fact is, every backpacker or low budget hotel I've ever been to in the third world, well, I'm afraid to sit on the furniture. Because to tell you the truth, most of the time it's so scummy that the Salvation Army
[26:13] would throw it out. The fact is, I'm always a little gun shy when I go to a low-rent hotel. Ever since that memorable time in Belize, when I hopped out of bed, put my pants on in the morning, and got stung by a big old scorpion that I'd set up housekeeping in my pants for the night. Now I don't suppose there's many of you out there who've ever been stung by a scorpion, so let me tell you what it's like. First of all, it hurts like hell. And secondly, something you'll never find out unless you've been stung by one, is that your tongue goes completely numb for about six hours, just as if you've been shot up with Novocain by the dentist. Now I have no idea why this happens, but I've talked to other people around Latin America, including doctors, and they say, yes, that's exactly what happens.
[27:00] Anyway, as you probably figured out, I don't recommend it. But back to backpackers. Sure they pick up a lot of odd infirmities. They're living in unsanitary conditions, and they're cheap, so they eat a lot of the inexpensive food that the locals are selling on little street stands. And if you're any kind of world traveler at all, you advise never to do that. But backpackers, they just don't seem to heed that advice. Well, we're running out of time, and I'm not finished with this subject yet, so next week, I'll jump right back in with backpackers, scorpions, and low rent hotels. You've been listening to The Exped Files, living in Latin America. And don't forget you can email me on anything at all about Latin America. The Exped Files at gmail.com.
[27:49] That's theexpedfiles at gmail.com.