#19 – The Expat Files: Love, Romance, and Stereotypes in Latin America

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:07] Hi everybody, I'm Johnny Mueller, and you're listening to The Expat Files, living in Latin America, the one of a kind show that tells you what it's like to live, work, play and or retire in Latin America. So let's get started. Now last week I went into some detail about love and romance in Latin America. I mean to say how romantic relationships unfold the usual way when partners are latina and latino and what happens when expats get involved in the mix. And I'm talking about expats male or female, but that's such a big and complicated subject that there was really no way I could cover it in any depth in just a 20 minute segment. So now by popular demand I'm going to give you part two of love and romance in Latin America, but I have to warn you what I'm about to say and the generalizations that I'm about

[00:57] to make are bound to ruffle some feathers for some of you people up in the first world, especially some of you up north who might have the foolish assumption that the world is fair. Well it's not, and as far as Latin America goes, so many things are slanted in the expats favor, including love and romance, that I'm surprised there isn't more of a stampede south. But then if that happened, it would surely spell the end of the expat advantage, and I wouldn't even be talking about this subject right now. In fact that's pretty much what's already been happening in Costa Rica. It seems down there the expat advantage, I mean in love and romance, and in a lot of other areas, it's completely melted away. Costa Rica's become that oddball case, it's a place where foreigners and expats have lost

[01:43] their mystique. Tourism's their number one industry, so they've had a flood of foreigners into that country, and I've seen the big change in the last 20 years. Foreigners get no respect like they once did, and seasoned expats down there will tell you that Costa Ricans have become quite jaded, and they look at tourists with a jaundiced eye as just another cow to be milked, and it wasn't like that 20 or 30 years ago. Because you see the flood of dollars and euros into Costa Rica, as most expats down there will tell you, it's had some bad effects on the general attitude of the population, not the least of which includes rampant materialism and a high degree of cynicism towards foreigners. In other words, many of the smiley faces Costa Ricans put on for tourists are just that,

[02:29] put-ons. But that's what happens when you take a sleepy third world country and you flood it with affluent first world tourists, and you inject all those dollars and euros into a tiny economy in a very short period of time. So what I'm about to tell you doesn't apply so much to Costa Rica anymore. Nor does it apply to any of the big cities or tourist destinations in Mexico. But as for the other 19 Latin American countries, what I'm about to tell you certainly applies. So pay attention, especially all you first-worlders up there who've been disappointed, unhappy, or unlucky in love in your own country. Because this might have a big impact on your life. Or not. So whatever you think about this report, don't kill the messenger. Here at the expat files, it's my job to give you the good, the bad, and the ugly.

[03:17] In this case, for the expat, it's almost all good. Just remember that everything I'm going to say is backed up by multiple facts, dozens of expat testimonies, both male and female, and 20 years of direct observation. So if you don't like what I'm about to say, I can't help it. I'm just giving you the facts. And for you expat wannabes out there, if what I'm going to say sounds too good to be true, well, the only way you're really going to find out for yourself is if you come down here and live for a while. And of course, it helps a lot if you learn a little Spanish along the way. But before we dive headfirst into part two of love and romance, here's a related joke that's been going around Latin America. And this is a joke I heard in Panama City, Panama. Okay, there's two Latin guys sitting in a bar, not a nightclub, a regular bar.

[04:05] You remember what I said about Latin nightclubs, don't you? Nightclubs are bordellos in Latin America. In other words, no place to take your date. Okay, back to the joke. So two guys are in a bar and this guy says to his friend, Jose, I think I'm in love. And Jose turns to him and says, how do you know you're really in love? How do you know it's not just an infatuation or a strong physical attraction? And he goes on to say, I know you, you're always in love. Every girl you meet, every girl you go out with, you're in love. And his friend Otto says, no, no, Jose, you don't understand. With this girl, every time I'm around her, I get a strange feeling of butterflies in my stomach. And all I want to do is be with her and do nice things for her. Then he says, Jose, what do you think? Do you think it's really love? And Jose says, well, I don't know.

[04:52] I've only been in love once in my life. And Otto says, how'd you know you're in love? And Jose says, it's like this. Every time I went over to her house, as soon as I looked at her, I wanted to make love to her so badly that to me, it didn't even matter if her husband happened to walk in. Well, that's it. That's the joke. That's an example of translated Latin humor. But whether you liked it or not, and you probably didn't, that joke tells volumes about love and romance and relationships in Latin America. And the undercurrent in it hints at one of the reasons why expats come out way ahead in a love and romance department in Latin America. In fact, in many ways, we come out like knights in shining armor. Whether we deserve it or not. So if you haven't figured it out by now, to Latin American locals,

[05:40] expats are considered great catches in the love, romance, and marriage department. So I repeat, any you guys or girls up in the first world who've had nothing but trouble in the love and romance department, pay attention. Because believe it or not, the first time you step foot in Latin America, you automatically become a first round draft choice. You could call it a Cinderella effect if you want. It's like three extra points have been added to your score on a one to ten scale. So let's say you consider yourself a humble six in the first world. Pretty much Joe average in the looks and the desirability department. And all your life up in the first world, you've acted accordingly. You think you're a six, you act like a six. But wait a minute, now this expat guy who you don't even know is telling you,

[06:27] you get on an airplane, go to Panama, get off the plane and automatically you're a nine. Like suddenly you're taller, richer, have more hair and muscles and grew a six pack? I know what you're thinking, who's this guy trying to kid? But before you tune me out on this, listen for a second and let me prove my point. Because if you are doubting that this strange expat advantage really exists, think of this great example. Think of the tremendous advantage British guys have when they come over to the United States. The minute they step off the plane, American girls go nuts for the accent. And don't tell me it's not true, it works every time. And it doesn't matter if back home, the British guy was a cab driver, a brick layer, a coal miner. Even if he's an Ozzy Osbourne lookalike or a guy on the dole.

[07:16] In the eyes of so many American girls, as soon as the guy opens his mouth, he's automatically Hugh Grant. Bad teeth and all. Somehow, in every American girl's mind, a British guy gets his extra three points just for the accent. But alas, it just goes to prove one thing, you're never a star in your hometown. Which is why that magic expat advantage works so well. Because no matter where you are in Latin America, you're at least a couple of thousand miles away from your own hometown. So with that in mind, I'm here to tell you that same effect is amplified for all expats down in Latin America. It's like suddenly you're the guy or girl who has the British accent. And now you're thinking, why should expats have this strange advantage? Don't Latin women know what the average first world guy is really like?

[08:03] What makes us so special in their eyes? I mean, we all have first world friends who we'd never let date our own sisters. Well, that's the point. The average Latin girl has absolutely zero experience with first world men. They only get their knowledge of first world men from TV, movies, newspapers and magazines. And at best, they've heard some third hand stories from some friends or relatives that live in Europe or in the States. You have to remember that except in tourist areas, Latin American men are the only pool of males available to Latin American women. And one Latin sociologist I know, he told me that if you don't count the Latin American tourist areas, only about one in 20 Latin American women has ever even spoken to a first world

[08:49] person. And that's generally the reason why Latin women are timid or shy when they first meet an expat. In most cases, they just don't know what to say or how to respond. But even so, they're almost always extremely friendly and pleasant. And when I first became an expat, I remember how strange it was visiting large cities in Latin America, walking around for hours and hours and never encountering a single American or European, except now and then a low rent backpacker or two, trying to do that Latin America on $5 a day thing. In other words, Latin America hippie style. But they don't really count as expats. They're just your in and out budget tourist. Now there's a number of generalizations, stereotypes and assumptions that Latins make about first world people.

[09:35] And we have our own stereotypes about them. And right or wrong, they hold on to those stereotypes just as we hold on to ours. And believe me, the vast majority of them are in your favor, whether they're based in fact or not. So let me lay down some stereotype assumptions that Latin Americans hold near and dear. And first, I'll be talking about how Latin American women view expats and first world men. And I should say too that these views also apply to Latin American men in regards to the stereotypes they have about first world women. So here goes. Assumption number one, expats are rich. Well, if you've been listening to any of the previous expat file shows, you'll know that in the eyes of almost every Latin person, expats are economically way ahead. And without going into the specifics of first world versus third world,

[10:22] disparities in incomes, I'll just point out that a first world person on social security retiring Latin America on let's say $1,000 a month, which would put you square in the lap of poverty in Europe or the United States. Well, in Latin America, $1,000 a month is pushing the limits of upper middle class. And to prove that all you have to know is that a full time live in cook and made will cost you about $150 a month. Imagine that a guy on social security can afford a full time live in made provided of course that he lives in Latin America. Now think about it. To have a full time live in made in the first world, you'd have to be pulling down a hundred grand a year at least. And even then things would be tight. Enough said about the perception that expats are rich, wouldn't you say?

[11:09] Okay, we're on to assumption number two, another stereotype in your favor. Latins think that the vast majority of expats are smart, educated and successful. And why not? Almost all imported technology and high quality goods come from the first world, the land of the expats. Not to mention all the first world franchises that are invading the third world right now like McDonald's and Wendy's and Walmart and Starbucks and Office Depot. Every last one of them a huge success and all of them cleaner and spiffier and more efficient than anything the local competition has to offer. And all that courtesy of first world expat know how. So in the minds of Latins, not only do expats look extraordinarily successful. In many cases, they look like they have the Midas touch.

[11:57] And if you're an expat, you benefit from that perception by association. Well, all I've got to say about that. Well, it's a good thing Latins have never seen a Texas good old boy living in a trailer court. Because there goes that stereotype. Anyway, it makes sense that Latins should think first world people are flush with success. Because a Latin woman's definition of success is pretty modest. All she really wants is her own tiny house, enough money to pay for a doctor if someone gets sick, and a car that actually runs. And I don't have to remind you that in the first world, everybody on Social Security or on welfare has at least that much and sometimes a lot more. Okay, that said, let's move on to assumption number three. Another stereotype that makes us look good. Expats are cleaner, more hygienic, are in better general health,

[12:47] and have better teeth than Latinos. Now don't laugh until I explain this a little bit more. Now if there's one huge problem in Latin America, that's the shortage of water. Which I'll go into much more detail on a future show. But for now, I'm just going to say that nearly three quarters of the people in Latin America only have running water a few hours a day. And nine times out of ten when it does come out of the faucet, the flow is about the diameter of a pencil and the color? Not good. Usually an ugly grayish brown. Let's just say it looks like nothing a first world person would ever want to drink. Much less trust to wash your clothes in. Now that might sound unbelievable or even outrageous to first world people. I mean imagine planning your day based on when the water flows.

[13:34] And believe me, that's just what they do in Latin America. Oh sure, there are some countries like Chile and Costa Rica that have full water pressure 24 hours a day. But that's not the case for the other 19 Latin American countries. And in a future show, when I talk about building a house or constructing a business, the water issue will play a huge part in that discussion. So stay tuned for that. Now when talking about the shortage of water in Latin America, you might assume that personal hygiene is substandard. That is compared to the first world. And with the middle and lower classes, you'd be right. But only if you're talking about men. Because the odd thing about the chronic water shortage is that it hasn't affected women's hygiene issues much at all. In fact, you might say the one thing that's completely first world

[14:21] about Latin American women is their personal cleanliness and their attention to style and fashion. Because if you've been in Latin America for any length of time, you can't help but notice that even the girls that live in tin roof shacks, when they walk out of the house in the morning to go to work or go shopping, they look clean and they look sharp. They certainly don't look third world. And even though they might only have a skimpy drawer full of clothes and three pairs of shoes, when they go out of the house, they make sure they look like a million bucks. Now as for the guys, it's a different story. Let's just say that guys in general throughout the world, especially young guys, when left to their own devices, they could have serious hygiene issues. Ask any mom if she's ever scolded her young adolescent boys about that.

[15:07] It seems to be a universal problem all over the world. Boys will be boys and in general, they have an aversion to bath water. Not that anybody from the middle or lower classes in Latin America has much of an opportunity to take an actual bath. In general, that's a pretty rare event except for the upper classes. The fact is, the vast majority of households, maybe 80% or more, only have showers. And if they do happen to have a tub, it's almost never used. So having a nice long leisurely bath is a real luxury. Because in most cases, just one bath would put a serious dent in the day's water supply. So for maybe 98% of Latin America, showers are the only option. You can count on the fact that the water pressure is probably so low

[15:54] that you have to run around just to catch a few drops. I know, I've been there. Now what I said about boys being boys, and how teenage boys and young men especially, often are lacking in the hygiene department. But now in the third world, you have to throw in the fact that there's a huge water shortage. Which gives every guy down there a really good excuse to slack off. And if you think I'm being harsh on Latin men, just go to any busy middle class commercial center where they have an elevator, look for a crowded one, get in, and you'll know exactly what I mean. And though a lot of lower and middle class Latin guys slap on the cologne deodorant to take the edge off, well that just doesn't cut it, if you know what I mean. And when talking about hygiene, we do have to talk a little bit about teeth and dentistry.

[16:41] Now one very good trick that nature seems to have played on most Latin Americans is the fact that somehow, most of them have good straight teeth. Of course not all, but I'd say the vast majority, maybe 80 percent, have good straight pleasant looking teeth when they smile. And I'm talking mostly about young people of course, because it seems that when Latin Americans hit about 50, suddenly there's a lot of unsightly gaps in most people's smiles. And that's because if there ever was a society addicted to sugar, it's Latin Americans. And why not? Latin America is where raw sugarcane comes from. It's everywhere. In tropical areas, you can find it growing practically everywhere. In fact it's so cheap and available that one dentist told me that by the time a kid is seven years old, he's bound to have at least a dozen big cavities.

[17:30] And that's true for children from the lowest class to the highest, from the least to most educated. And local Latin American dentists will always tell you one of the big reasons for such early tooth loss is because the vast majority of the population doesn't use dental floss. In fact a good 80 percent of them have never even heard of it. One Latin dentist I talked to said maybe 5 to 10 percent of his women patients use it, whereas 98 percent of his male patients never did and couldn't think of a good reason why they should. Now contrast that with people in the United States. Now dentists up there will tell you that about 80 percent of the women use dental floss and about 30 to 40 percent of the men use it. And that high level of male compliance is only because we have so many women harping on us about it.

[18:17] And just one more thing about medical and dental care. In the middle and lower classes in Latin America, there's pretty much no such thing as preventive anything. In other words, you don't go to the doctor till it hurts and you don't go to the dentist unless you have a toothache. It's not that they don't want to go as recommended on a regular basis. It's a question of disposable income, of which there's just not much. I mean considering if you're the average young girl working as a bank teller in a big bank, you might bring home maybe $300 a month. And in a young girl's case, she's surely living at home and all her money is going to go for clothes, beauty aids, and going out weekends to discos with her friends. And speaking of the middle and lower classes in Latin America, for expats it's amazing to see how young Latin women are able to put themselves together so well.

[19:02] I mean such a high percentage of them have really good taste in fashion. They put themselves together well and with the shortage of water and tough financial circumstances, they still have what you'd call first world hygiene. And it's just too bad you can't say that about the men. But of course things are different when you talk about the upper classes. I'm talking about the people in the top 5% and income in Latin America. Well at that level, they're pretty much first world when it comes to medical and dental issues. Just like in the first world, most boys and girls get braces, whether they need them or not. And the wealthier Latin women, they're into cosmetic surgery as much as any one of their counterparts in the first world. And in a coming show I'll be talking more about plastic surgery and cosmetic dentistry in the third world. I promise I'll do a whole show, or maybe two, on medical tourism down in Latin America.

[19:50] It's a booming business. I got a little bit off the track there, but let me get back to some of the overblown assumptions. The stereotypes that are almost always in your favor if you're an expat living down here. Especially when it comes to love and romance. Okay, now here's assumption number four. That first world people and expats are basically workaholics. Go ahead and ask any Latin American woman what she thinks about first world men. And she's more than likely to tell you that one thing that she believes is that first world men are more ambitious, harder working, and more industrious than any Latin men that she knows. In fact, Latin American women have two derogatory names that they often direct towards their own men. These two words are huevón and perisoso,

[20:36] which pretty much mean worthless, lazy so-and-so. But that's not quite right, because as most expats see it, it's not so much that the men are inherently lazy. It's just that they're poor organizers, which naturally makes them inefficient workers. And also, in my experience, Latin men seem to be risk averse. They're great followers, but poor leaders. And for expats, this helps to explain why Latin America is right up there with Africa. And the pathetically low number of inventions and patents that are applied for every year. I mean, can you think of anything that you're using your daily life that was actually invented in Latin America? I didn't think so. Neither can I. It seems that in Latin America, at least in the middle and lower classes,

[21:21] it's the women who are the tireless workers. They're the ones that keep the wheels turning in this society. And if you don't believe that, and you want to punch me in the nose for all I've been saying, just ask any one of the foreigners or expat businessmen that own factories in Latin America. Ask them why 80 to 90% of their workforces are women. Ask them which sex always shows up on time. Ask them which sex are the most trustworthy and honest. Do I have to tell you the answer to that? Okay, let's get on to assumption number five, another stereotype that works in the expats favor. There's a strong Latin belief that first world people and expats are travelers, adventurers, and risk takers. And why wouldn't they believe that? Because expats are known to come down and open factories, hotels, restaurants, and franchises,

[22:09] and other odd businesses that in most cases, Latins never even heard of. And what's even more surprising to Latins is that the majority of these enterprises become successes. So I'd have to agree myself that most expats are risk takers. That's one stereotype that's pretty much spot on. And now, assumption number six, another stereotype in our favor. Latins believe that first world people, which means expats, are completely self-sufficient. And that just means that first world people and expats are self-starters. That is, they make their own decisions and do things on their own. In other words, they don't have to depend on anyone else, like their parents, friends, or family, for any advice, guidance, or support. They just make a decision and go with it. Now, this is a big contrast compared to Latin American men.

[22:57] Even the ones that have graduated from college. 90% of the time, they continue to live at home with mommy and daddy. And even after they get married, they often stay put for a long, long time and sometimes never leave. In Latin America, it's not unusual for a guy in his 30s to still be living at home. So when you're out and about, and you happen to meet a 34-year-old professional guy, maybe he's a lawyer, and you find out he's still living with his parents. Now, that's the moment your conception of the word mama's boy has to be completely redefined. Now, the only other place in the first world, where I know that kind of stuff goes on, is in Italy. They have a lot of professional mama's boys living at home there, too. But if you're from the United States, you're probably like me and you got the boot at 18. Or maybe you hung on to your old room through college,

[23:43] if you were lucky. But the truth of it is, young Latin adults don't want to leave home, because with the pathetic salaries they usually start out with, even young professionals can't afford a decent lifestyle. That is, not if they move away from mommy and daddy and have to pay rent. Okay, enough said about that. And now we're on to assumption number seven, yet another overblown stereotype in the expats favor. First world men, and that means expats, respect women, value their opinions, and treat them as equals. Now, I ask you, how would Latin women know that? Because you see, Latin women get cable TV. They see in the news and in the papers in the first world, how women's rights groups in the States pick it in March, and they file successful personal and class action lawsuits,

[24:29] something virtually unheard of in most parts of Latin America. Latinas know how women up in the States get equal pay, and that they get maternity benefits, a concept that doesn't even exist down here. And they're amazed to see that when a woman dials 9-1-1 in the United States, the police will actually come in a reasonable time and haul a wife-beater away and put him in jail. And what further amazes them about the first world is that a woman could actually go to court and have a thing filed called a restraining order, which effectively prohibits an abusive man from coming back to the house and beating the woman up again after she's filed the police complaint. And to Latin American women, that's real female power. Yep, I'm talking about the last word in domestic abuse, the restraining order, yet another first world invention

[25:15] that hasn't made its way down to the third world yet. So with all that said, it's not hard to see why Latin women think expats and first world men in general have a healthy respect for women and treat them pretty much as equals. Because to them it's obvious, all the power that the women have in the first world was somehow handed over to them by men who believed in equal rights. So right or wrong, we expats by association look like the good guys in the white hats. And Latin guys? Well, they get stereotyped as abusive wife feeders who like to cheat. But the way I see it, it's not that first world men are so trustworthy and righteous that their hearts are so pure and they'd never think to abuse a woman. To me, it's about the fact that the first world has a strong legal system

[26:00] and men get punished when they do those kind of things. So first world men have learned the hard way that society doesn't accept that kind of behavior. The fact is, the average first world guy would never do such a thing because he just doesn't want to go to jail. But who am I to buck the stereotype? That expats are good hearted, compassionate, and gentle toward women. Like one expat friend of mine says, thank God for stereotypes. Okay, that said, let's move on to assumption number eight. And if I've been rambling and you forgot the theme, I'm talking about stereotypes and the innately high regard Latin women hold for expats. Okay, back to assumption number eight. I mean stereotype number eight. First world men, i.e. expats, are excellent loyal family providers.

[26:47] They accept their responsibilities gladly and won't abandon their girlfriends, wives, children, or family members even under extreme circumstances. Well, the root of this stereotype comes from the fact that Latin men are famous for both walking out on their wife and family and for nonpayment of alimony and child support. Not to mention, occasionally taking on a mistress or two and blowing too much dough at the local cantina. And with regard to the nonpayment of the alimony and child support thing, which I touched on a little bit before, there are dozens of laws on the books in that regard, but it's pretty much a rarely enforced joke, which means every man is on the honor system. And when it comes to divorce, honor is usually at the bottom of the list. Well, there you have it. This love and romance Latin style part two. In our next expat files, we'll have part three, so stay tuned.

[27:39] You've been listening to The Expat Files, living in Latin America. A one of a kind show produced and compiled deep in the heart of Latin America. And of course, you can always email me with any of your questions about Latin America. Expat files at progressiveradionetwork.com. See you next time. Nos vemos.