Episode Summary
In this episode of The Expat Files, Johnny Mueller explores the cultural and social dynamics of love, romance, and infidelity in Latin America. He discusses the high rates of infidelity and low divorce rates, attributing these phenomena to economic factors and cultural norms. Johnny also touches on topics such as wife abuse, deadbeat dads, and the prevalence of bodyguards as status symbols. He highlights the differences in male behavior between Latin America and the first world, noting that Latin men often cry in private after cheating but do not display this publicly. The episode also addresses the role of Catholicism in shaping societal attitudes toward marriage and divorce, with Johnny emphasizing the strong influence of the church in Latin American culture.
In this segment, Johnny Mueller discusses the cultural dynamics of Latin American relationships, particularly focusing on the role of women and the prevalence of infidelity among men. He highlights how women are often the 'true believers' in these relationships, while men are more likely to be unfaithful. Johnny also explores the socioeconomic factors that influence these behaviors, noting that even men from lower socioeconomic backgrounds engage in infidelity. He shares a personal anecdote about his girlfriend's father, who had multiple mistresses despite being a good provider and not physically abusive. Johnny explains that in Latin America, physical abuse is common, and legal protections for women are weak, making it difficult for abused women to seek justice. He further discusses the prevalence of prostitution and strip clubs in Latin America, noting that these establishments are often linked to politicians and businessmen, and that enforcement is lax due to these connections.
The podcast segment explores the dynamics of relationships and societal norms in Latin America, focusing on the cultural context of infidelity, gender roles, and legal challenges faced by women. Johnny Mueller shares a personal anecdote about a friend who married a Colombian woman who had witnessed her father's infidelity as a politician. The wife expressed concerns about her husband's potential urges and gave him permission to engage in extramarital affairs as long as he didn't fall in love. Johnny then discusses the broader implications of such behavior, including the societal stigma and legal disadvantages women face in cases of divorce, particularly in terms of property settlements and alimony. He also highlights the prevalence of the 'kept woman' phenomenon in upper-class circles, where older men maintain relationships with younger women, often without public acknowledgment. The segment concludes with a warning to expat women about the cultural and legal challenges they may encounter when moving to Latin America.
Johnny Mueller discusses the dynamics between expat women and Latin men, highlighting that while Latin men often have a fantasy of marrying a first-world woman, this often leads to infidelity and cultural issues. Conversely, expat men are seen as more faithful, cultured, and respectful by Latin women, who prefer them over local men. However, Latin men often resist changes in gender roles influenced by first-world ideals, even as Latin women begin to embrace more equality.
In this segment, Johnny Mueller discusses the cultural attitudes toward expats in Latin America, particularly focusing on the perception of expat women. He highlights the double standard where Latin men may desire first-world women but resent the influence of first-world ideas on their women. This is followed by a detailed description of bodyguards in Latin America, categorizing them by social class and status, and explaining how their appearance and equipment reflect their employer's standing.
In this segment, Johnny Mueller discusses the cultural phenomenon of bodyguards in Latin America, highlighting how they are often more symbolic than practical. He describes the typical appearance of these bodyguards, their role in accompanying bosses from small towns to big cities, and the underlying social dynamics that drive this practice. He also touches on the irony that these bodyguards are often involved in crimes against their employers, citing statistics and examples of kidnapping cases. The segment concludes with a comparison to Western billionaires like Bill Gates and Steve Jobs, who do not have bodyguards, and a personal anecdote about a 10-year-old girl who wants a new bodyguard for Christmas.
Topics
Love and romance in Latin America, Infidelity and divorce rates, Cultural and economic factors, Catholicism's influence on society, Male emotional expression, Cultural dynamics of Latin American relationships, Infidelity among Latin men, Socioeconomic factors influencing relationships, Legal protections for women in Latin America, Prevalence of prostitution and strip clubs, Relationship dynamics in Latin America, Cultural norms and gender roles
Chapters
00:00:00 Opening 00:00:24 Introduction to the Topic of Love, Romance, and Cheating in Latin America 00:00:59 Nightclubs in Latin America as Houses of Prostitution 00:01:46 Infidelity as a Common Phenomenon in Latin America 00:02:19 The Prevalence of Infidelity and the Role of Economics 00:03:13 Crying as a Common Reaction to Infidelity in Latin America 00:04:43 The Influence of Catholicism on Marriage and Divorce Rates 00:05:10 Women as True Believers in Relationships 00:05:46 A Personal Story About a Man with Multiple Mistresses 00:08:45 The Link Between Politicians and Prostitution in Latin America 00:10:08 What if your wife finds out? 00:10:13 Now she's an educated woman in high-level Colombian society. 00:10:17 And my friend said he and his wife had a discussion right after they got married. 00:11:05 And it was at that moment she gave her new husband permission to go to the stripper bars. 00:11:38 And because it is such a macho society, when a woman gets caught cheating on the man, it 00:12:50 And that old adage about an older man keeping a younger girl up in some penthouse apartment 00:13:53 Now 90% of the time, a guy like that's a married politician or businessman and you've just 00:14:47 And his dad, he was a typical stereotype. 00:15:19 The Fantasy of Latin Men and First-World Women 00:16:05 The Reality of Expat Women's Experiences 00:16:42 Expat Men's Advantage in Latin Romance 00:19:26 Macho Culture and Women's Rights in Latin Society 00:20:43 The Double Standard and Resentment Toward Expats in Latin America 00:21:11 The Presence of Bodyguards in Latin American Cities 00:25:13 The Appearance of Bodyguards in Latin America 00:25:24 The Role of Bodyguards in Business and Social Contexts 00:26:10 The Effectiveness and Risks of Bodyguards
Transcript
Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.
[00:10] Hi everybody, I'm Johnny Mueller, and you're listening to The Expat Files, living in Latin America, the one of a kind show that tells you what it's like to live, work, play, and or retire in Latin America. So let's get started. In today's show, we'll be talking about love, romance, and cheating, Latin style, why infidelity is high and divorce rates are low, and it's all about economics. We'll talk about wife abuse, deadbeat dads, and other macho pastimes, as well as that perennial third world status symbol, bodyguards, and why everybody wants one, and why your good old bodyguard could be your own worst enemy. It's time I talk a little bit about love and romance in Latin America, I'm sure you've been waiting for this.
[00:56] But here's a tip for all you travelers and expats. If you say you're going to a nightclub in Latin America, what that actually means is you're going to a strip joint. So if you're an expat or a tourist at a Latin American party, and you get a little bored and you say, hey, let's go to a nightclub, the girls in the room are going to give you a dirty look, and the guys will play dumb. And speaking of Latin American nightclubs, I mean strip joints, unlike in the first world, where strip clubs have strippers and maybe some lap dancing, Latin American nightclubs are always houses of prostitution. You heard that, Latin American nightclubs are bordellos, so don't forget that if you ever want to step off for a cold one. And if there's one thing a seasoned expat can tell you about love and romance in Latin America, is that practically every man has cheated on his wife or girlfriend at some
[01:46] time or another. In fact, you could say it's the national sport, for men that is. And as far as women cheating, well there have to be willing women partners out there somewhere, or the men wouldn't be able to cheat, right? Well it's not exactly that clear cut, because with the vast majority of men who cheat, in nearly all cases they hide the fact that they have a wife, a regular girlfriend, or a family. And in that case, at least at the beginning, the new girl is going to be an innocent player in the game. Now at this point you might be saying, how could every Latin guy be cheating on his girlfriend or wife? How is that possible? Well I have to admit, 100% of the men can't be cheating on their wives or girlfriends. That could never be true. But I'll tell you this, the vast majority of Latin men do have their affairs. In fact, one Latin psychologist told me, the guy who doesn't have the affair is the rare
[02:34] one. And here's another shocker for expats. The vast majority of women take their men back after they discovered that he is having an affair. And there's a lot of reasons for that, and they're mostly economic. Now you may have heard that saying, real men don't cry. Because in the first world, the average guy just doesn't cry. Now most first world guys I know can count on one hand the times that they've cried. Most guys I know only cry under severe circumstances. Like when there's a close death in a family, or you're passing a kidney stone. Although some gay guys I know can turn on the faucet at will. But it's a whole different case in Latin America. Latin men cry. They cry a lot. But they don't cry in public. Sure, they cry at funerals too, and when they pass kidney stones.
[03:20] But they save most of their tears for when they've cheated on their wives. Now believe it or not, my Latin friends in their 30s and 40s, they've all admitted to me that they've developed a crying technique that works almost every time. That is, to get them out of hot water with their wives. That makes it sound as if Latin American men are cheating left and right on their wives and girlfriends. But how can that be? A whole society of cheaters. Even for an expat that sounds pretty hard to swallow. Well when I first came down here, I didn't really believe that either. It sounds impossible, like such a terrible exaggeration. But a good majority of my own Latin friends have been caught. And most of them more than once, and they're all still with their wives. Now I don't know what this does to the husband and wife relationship.
[04:07] Behind closed doors. It must be a tremendous strain and a lot of fighting. But I can tell you this, when you see couples out in public, where the man has cheated on the wife and everybody knows it, things appear to go on pretty much as normal. Now we all know in the first world, there's also a lot of hanky-panky going on. And divorces worldwide are at an all-time high. But the shocker is, down in Latin America the divorce rate is higher than it's ever been. But it's still in the single digits, whereas in the first world, it's up around 50%. Now one Latin American sociologist told me it has a lot to do with the fact that Latin America is 95% Christian, and about 80% of those are Catholic. And the women here are diligent practicing Christians.
[04:52] In fact, Catholicism has so invaded the country, there's practically no separation between church and state. I mean, every park, school, street, and monument is named after some saint. So are cities, neighborhoods, schools, and water treatment plants. The fact is, you can't swing a dead cat without hitting a church. And it's the women who are the true believers. Not the men. Just get any group of Latin guys together in one room, and ask them why they go to church, they'll always tell you, it's to look at the girls. And they're serious about that. Now with all this cheating going on, by Latin men mostly, you'd think it'd be pretty much restricted to the middle and upper classes. Because how can a poor guy making minimum wage, like $250 a month, how can a guy like that afford to have a mistress, much less two or even three mistresses?
[05:40] Well it doesn't seem to matter, because Latin men are the same, no matter what socioeconomic level they come from. In fact, I have a little story of my own, to prove the point. A few years ago I had a girlfriend in Honduras, in a city called San Pedro Sula. I was sitting in the living room with her, watching TV, and someone started pounding on the door. It was a lady about 45 years old, sounding very upset, she was yelling and demanding to talk with my girlfriend's mother. And when the mother came to the door and opened it, they went into a shoving match, and started yelling insults at each other. And a few minutes later, my girlfriend's father came down from the second level of the house. He pushed the two ladies apart, sat his wife down on the couch, and pushed the other lady out the door and slammed it. Then he said a few choice words and went right back upstairs. Then my girlfriend's mother got up and left too.
[06:28] Now I didn't know it was happening, so my girlfriend explained to me that the lady at the door was her dad's ex-mistress, and that she was still in love with her dad, and once in a while, she'd come by and make a scene like that. Now if that wasn't enough for me to handle, what she told me next really shocked me. My girlfriend told me that that kind of thing has happened all her life, and that that woman is only one of her dad's ex-mistresses, and that in the past other disgruntled ex-mistresses have shown up at their doorstep too. And of course my question was, why does your mother stay with this guy? One reason was because her dad owned a hardware store, and he was a good provider. And in Latin America, sometimes being a good provider is 90% of the marriage game. And according to my ex-girlfriend, another reason her mother stayed with the man was
[07:16] because her dad was a nice guy and he never hit her mother, and he wasn't a drunk, and he never abused her physically. Because you see, Latin men are also known for hitting and beating their wives, and that's especially true among the middle and lower classes. And because physical abuse is so common, and the laws in this area and the law enforcement so weak, the women's rights organizations, and there aren't a few of those, well they're about as inconsequential and ineffective as the women's organizations were in the first world maybe 50 years ago. And the way things are right now, an abused woman could go down and file a complaint at the local police department, or even get a lawyer and work up a legal case against some man, but the chances are it'll never see the light of day unless someone's actually
[08:03] been killed or the woman ends up in the hospital with severe injuries. The fact is, a guy's pretty much got to send his wife to the hospital before anyone at all takes notice. So you could say my girlfriend's dad had a lot of things going for him. That is, according to Latin American rules of marital conduct. He didn't drink, he didn't beat his wife, and he was a good provider. So according to local customs, that makes him a pretty upstanding guy. And in some women's minds, a pretty good catch. So if a guy cheats on his wife once in a while, according to the Latin way of doing things, that's not quite a good enough reason to leave a man. And if you think I'm exaggerating, I'll give you some more proof. One day, when I was in Cartagena, Colombia, a Latin American businessman friend of mine
[08:50] asked me if I would like to go with him to a high-end nightclub. You remember what I said about nightclubs in Latin America, don't you? Basically, they're just strip clubs with a bordello attached. And as an aside here, I might as well tell you that throughout Latin America, prostitution is illegal. But practically, no one ever cracks down on it unless one of these strip clubs pops up in an upscale neighborhood. And when enough wealthy wives complain, sometimes that kind of local pressure will actually work. But that kind of situation is pretty rare. And there are two main reasons why they almost never shut down strip joints. First, it's because politicians and businessmen are their main clients. These are the traditional watering holes for every bloated bureaucrat in Latin America. And second, it's been discovered that investors in a large percentage of these strip clubs
[09:38] are politicians and high government officials themselves. And of course, they wouldn't be so stupid to own a club like that in their own name. They always have a front man. Okay, so let me get back to my story about my newly married friend who had invited me to one of those nightclubs one night. Anyway, he said it was a special nightclub because the strippers were imported from Russia. Now this friend of mine's wife is a high-powered lawyer, and her clients are wealthy Colombians and politicians. And I said to my friend, a nightclub? What if your wife finds out? And his response to that really surprised me. Now she's an educated woman in high-level Colombian society. And my friend said he and his wife had a discussion right after they got married. And they talked about Latin men, specifically her father, who in his day was a high-level
[10:27] politician. Anyway, she told my friend, her new husband, that her father had been having a lot of affairs and had been cheating for years on her mother. And that because he was a politician, her mother had no choice but to keep up appearances. Then my friend's wife told him she never wanted that to happen to her and him in their relationship. But she knew Latin men, and that Latin men had their urges. And she told her husband that she knew that because he was Latin, he might have those urges too, but she didn't want him to have a mistress. Because having a mistress would have meant he'd have fallen in love with another woman. And she said she'd never be able to handle that. And it was at that moment she gave her new husband permission to go to the stripper bars. In case he had an urge.
[11:13] In other words, he could hook up with a stripper as long as he didn't fall in love. So in effect she gave him a free pass. And after I got over the shock of hearing that, I said to my friend, you know that's mighty understanding of her, but what if the tables were reversed and you caught her cheating on you? And he said, don't make me laugh, this is Latin America. Why she'd never cheat on me. And because it is such a macho society, when a woman gets caught cheating on the man, it almost always ends up in a divorce. And worse yet, she almost always gets the tar beaten out of her too. And because most of the judges and court are men, she usually gets a raw deal on the property settlement too. And speaking of property settlements and alimony, when a couple of divorces and a judge orders alimony or child support, there's no mechanism to garnish a man's salary and there's really
[12:01] no bureaucracy or manpower to enforce a decision like that. That is to say, court ordered alimony and support payments are not at all secure in Latin America. So as you can imagine, any woman that expects to get alimony or child support payments after a divorce, well, she's totally dependent on the honor system. And because divorces are messy and the parties usually end up disliking each other, or worse, just like in the first world, as you can imagine, compliance is pretty low. Now, mostly here I've been talking about love, romance, and cheating in the middle and lower classes in Latin America, but I've also seen how it works in the upper classes. And that old adage about an older man keeping a younger girl up in some penthouse apartment somewhere, well, I can tell you right now the capped woman scenario is no Harlequin
[12:50] romance fabrication because it's alive and well here in Latin America. And if you keep your eyes open and you know what to look for, you can see that sort of thing in action every day of the week. Now to prove to you that the kept woman syndrome is alive and well, all you have to do is take a walk through any one of the large shopping malls or high-end business districts, especially the ones located in the wealthier areas of the big cities. Just take a little stroll and you'll be shocked to see how many beautiful 20-something girls there are walking through the mall on a shopping spree loaded down with expensive jewelry and designer clothes. And some are even trailed by a bodyguard or two, which is a definitive sign that there's a sugar daddy in the wings. And later on when you're in the parking lot, you might see that same girl being picked
[13:36] up by a brand new Mercedes Volvo Range Rover and the guy who's driving is more than likely a short, pudgy, out of shape, older guy with his own set of bodyguards in the back seat. Now 90% of the time, a guy like that's a married politician or businessman and you've just spotted him in the act of picking up his 20-something mistress in the mall. Now I've been told that another clue that absolutely verifies this is that you'll never see that pudgy guy walking alongside his young mistress in the mall because he's a high-profile guy and the last thing he wants to do is be seen with her in public. And of course, he's got her set up somewhere in a nice first-world style apartment and the people in the building know what's going on. They see him come and go, but they keep their mouths shut.
[14:21] The fact is, things like that are so out in the open that no one thinks twice about him. And the big shot's wife, she probably knows about it, but she's in denial. And his kids, they probably know about it too. In fact, I played music in a rock band down in Costa Rica and the drummer in the band was a son of a high-ranking politician and I saw the sugar daddy syndrome in play with his dad. And his dad, he was a typical stereotype. Pomp his older rich guy, keeping a young girl on the side. And the son, well he not only didn't care that his dad was cheating on his mom, he was actually proud that his dad had a young chick on his arm. And so, you can pretty much bet what the future holds. Like father, like son, how can it be otherwise? So here's a little warning to all you expat ladies out there, including all you want to
[15:11] be lady expats who are thinking about moving down to Latin America. Now I know a lot of lady expats and they all tell me the same thing. Latin men love all women, but especially first world women. The fact is, to hook up and marry a blonde blue-eyed gringa or European woman, well that's a fantasy that every Latin man has had since he's been a little kid and had watched Latin translations of I Dream of Genie on TV. And the fact is, most first world ladies love Latin men and it's no secret that it's a common fantasy for them to want to hook up with their very own Antonio Benteres. But expat girls beware. You might come down here and be swept off your feet by some Latin lover. You might be the apple of some Latin guy's eye, but the chances are good that if you
[15:57] marry him, at some time in the future, he's going to have his affairs. And that's one thing most expat women have found out the hard way. It's one of those macho cultural things and you just can't change it. And I can tell you, if I've heard that story once, I've heard it a thousand times. And it's not hearsay. I've heard it right out of the mouths of expat women themselves. So all you smart first world ladies up there who think you can control one of these handsome macho men, well I hate to burst your bubble, but these guys have had centuries to perfect their technique. And that's just a word of caution. So I don't have to say, I told you so. And now comes the part that all you expat men and expat wannabes are going to love.
[16:42] When it comes to romance and love in Latin America, expat men have a real advantage. Because you see, Latin American women love first world men of all sizes and shapes and colors. And when Latin American women hook up with expats, they nearly always say the same thing. They'll never go back to dating their own hometown Latin men again. And it has to do with a lot of things, including the fact that first world men are perceived to be more faithful. Not to mention the fact that Latinas perceive us as a little more cultured, a little more educated and a lot more wealthy than their Latin male counterparts. And whether you buy that stereotype they have of us or not, you have to admit there's a strong basis in fact. And it's true, those are all good reasons why a Latina would prefer to hook up with
[17:30] a first world expat if she possibly could. However, the main reason Latin American girls give for wanting to hook up with expat men is that we're much less likely to have the bad habits of their own Latin men. As any Latin American woman to describe, the differences between first world men and Latin men, and they'll most often say that Latin men drink too much and are prone to abuse their women. Whereas first world men are more likely to treat women with courtesy and respect. But most of all, Latin women say they like expats because from both rumor and experience, expat men are much more loyal and less likely to cheat. And of course I'm talking in generalities here, but then again on the expat files we always talk in generalities. And let me just say, in defense of my talking in generalities, the fact is we make most
[18:19] of our decisions based on generalities. I mean you don't step out in front of a moving car because you know generally speaking people who do that get killed, and you don't stick your hand into a lion's cage because you know generally speaking you'll get your arm taken off. So here at the expat files we do speak in generalities. Sometimes it's the only way to get a point across. And what about these romances between expats and Latins? Do they work out? Well of course some do and some don't. And just like with first world romances, you'd have to be crazy to predict if one's going to fail or one's going to be a success. But one thing is easy to predict. In the vast majority of cases, Latin women say hooking up with a first world expat was the best thing they ever did. And the funny thing is, Latin men don't much like it when Latin women hook up with expats.
[19:07] And it's not so much that expats are taking Latin women out of the dating pool. Because the fact is there are so few expats in Latin America compared to locals, it's nothing but a drop in the bucket. But rather it seems that Latin men don't want their women to be influenced too much by first world ways. And that's especially true when it comes to women's rights and equality. In macho Latin society, the woman stays at home and takes care of the kids. And the man, being the breadwinner, comes and goes as he pleases and rules the house with an iron hand. And that's always been a Latin tradition, especially in the middle and lower classes. But lately in the last few years, especially with the advent of cheap cable TV, even Latinos in the most isolated little pueblos are getting a taste for how women in the first world live.
[19:55] I mean how women in the first world can have their own lives, careers, and opportunities. And it's having its effects because suddenly, little by little, Latin women are waking up. And little by little they're discovering they don't much like living in a macho society. But still, they're pretty much powerless to change it. But at least now, they have their role models and they know what they want. And someday they'll get there. But as for Latin men, now that's a different story. You'll never find one of those macho Latin types rooting for that kind of change. Sure, the men are all for 200 channel cable TV and all the comforts of the first world if they can get them. But they don't want their women to change. That's where they draw the line. Sure they'd all love to hook up with a blonde, blue-eyed first world woman. But if a woman has a first world attitude, they don't want any part of that.
[20:43] And I know that's a double standard, but that's just the way it is down here. So it's not so hard to understand why some Latin men resent the idea that there's expats walking around contaminating their women with first world ideas. To them, it's like throwing gasoline on the fire. And that's your standard macho man attitude in Latin America. So get used to it. South of the border, down Mexico. Go into a big city in Latin America any day of the week and you're bound to see a crew of bodyguards. Now if you're from anywhere in small or medium town America, you might go your whole life and never see a bodyguard once, except on TV and the movies. Well if you ever wanted to see one up close, you're in for a treat if you ever visit Latin
[21:30] America because it's all the fashion to have yourself a bodyguard. And if you got real money and power, more than one is even better. In fact many times when you're in a big Latin American city, if you go to one of the more popular shopping malls or business districts, you're practically guaranteed to see bodyguards walking up and down the walkways. So how do you spot a bodyguard? Well that's easy. They take their cues from Hollywood and James Bond movies. You know dark suits, sunglasses, an earbud with a pigtail wear running down the neck. They stand there with their hands clasped, trying to look dangerous. You know that standard aloof bodyguard pose? People want their bodyguards to look like the men in black. It's no good if they don't. In fact, throughout Latin America there's more than one kind of bodyguard. And it's a funny thing. Employers tend to dress and equip their bodyguards according to their own status in social class.
[22:20] Which means you can look at a bodyguard and tell exactly what kind of status his employer has. And it works like this. The highest level bodyguards, the ones that wear custom Marmani suits and floor chime shoes and have the expensive designer glasses. Now those bodyguards belong to the very high level politicians and the very rich businessmen. And these high end bodyguards usually come in pairs or groups. In other words, there's the employer sitting in his big black Hummer or Mercedes or Range Rover and of course there's a bodyguard driving. And to complete the package there has to be at least one more car full of bodyguards dressed all exactly alike and either following or in front of the employer's car. That's the usual VIP big shot pattern in any city in Latin America. Oh and I forgot to tell you the high end bodyguards are rather tall and physically fit.
[23:10] And many times they're foreigners that were once in the military or in special forces from another Latin American country. Which gives the employer even more status when he brags about them. And these well dressed Armani bodyguards, they get about twice the salary as your mid level bodyguard. About five or six hundred dollars a month. Lucky for them the boss buys the suits. Now if you have a little less status and a little less money, you likely have hired another class of bodyguard. And that guy's usually a little bit shorter, a little bit darker and a little bit fatter. He looks a little less menacing and is definitely a little less skilled. And he is wearing a suit, probably Walmart and it's a little rumpled. And these second tier bodyguards get paid less and they probably have ear buds that don't work. But still it's necessary to look smart and all smart looking bodyguards have ear buds.
[23:59] Whether they work or not. Now normally these second tier bodyguards don't travel in caravans. They ride along with the employer or the employer's wife, girlfriend or mistress. And they're often seen hanging around beauty parlors because wives, girlfriends and mistresses of the rich and powerful love to bring their bodyguards along to places like beauty parlors, health clubs and spas. To make a good strong impression on the other slightly less fortunate ladies who don't have bodyguards. Now the expensive high class designer suit bodyguard that I told you about before. Now these guys are usually ex-military or have had some extensive self defense training. Which means in times of crisis they're supposed to know what they're doing. The second tier bodyguards however are mostly just there for appearances and really wouldn't know what to do if a crisis did occur.
[24:44] Because according to one security agency the average bodyguard has about a 6th grade education. Would you trust a guy with a 6th grade education with your life? And though all classes of bodyguards carry guns, I wouldn't count on the second or third tier bodyguard being too adept with one. And the third tier bodyguard, well there are a lot of those guys around too. And you can spot them easily. They look a little sweaty, sloppy and uncomfortable in their clothes. You know rough around the edges and kind of vacant looking. And half the time they won't be wearing suits. Just a short sleeved shirt and a tie maybe with a belly hanging out. And when they do wear a suit it always looks like it's a size too small. Now there's any number of Latin Americans that have third tier bodyguards and it's pretty obvious that these guys are strictly amateurs.
[25:31] And you'll mostly see these guys accompanying their bosses as they come in from the smaller towns to the big city to meet with their lawyers, bankers or business associates. I mean these small town guys have to make a good impression on their big city cronies. And one way to do it is to arrive with a gaggle of bodyguards. Most of these bosses are big shots in their own home towns. You know the big fish in a small pond syndrome. And they carry a handful of bodyguards around with them because in Latin American culture even if you come from the lower classes and come into money you need a bodyguard to show everybody else how important you are. So in reality it's all a big game of who's got the nicest car and the most bodyguards. And does it even matter, are these guys actually protecting their bosses? Does it even do any good to have a bodyguard? Well reams of statistics will show that the bodyguards themselves are responsible for
[26:20] a lot of the crimes against their own employers. For example, one of the biggest fears of any politician or wealthy guy is a kidnapping of one of his family members. And you shouldn't be surprised when I tell you that in many kidnapping cases it's been said that in more than half of these crimes one or more of the bodyguards or ex-bodyguards have been involved. And why not? They know every single move the employer and his family makes. Not to mention they've been in his house a million times and know where everything of value is. So there you have it. Every tin pot bureaucrat in Latin America has his bodyguards and he's proud of it. And how many bodyguards does Bill Gates have? The richest man in the world? Exactly zero. And Steve Jobs? Or George Clooney?
[27:07] Exactly zero. So am I missing something here? Oh and I forgot to tell you, I was at a Christmas party at one of my wealthier Latin friends houses because you know wealthy Latins like to have an expat or two around just for laughs. Anyway I asked his 10 year old daughter what she wanted for Christmas and she said, another bodyguard because she doesn't like the one she has now and it was no joke she was dead serious and she's 10 years old. You've been listening to The Expat Files, living in Latin America, a one of a kind show produced and compiled deep in the heart of Latin America and of course you can always email me with any of your questions about Latin America. Expat files at progressiveradionetwork.com.
[27:55] See you next time. Los vemos.