#1003 – The Gringo Advantage and the Hidden Realities of Life in Latin America

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came out to play and now that I wonder Hello there all you ex-pat wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started All right, speaking of the gringo advantage in the age of covid it's Hmm. Were we speaking about that? Well, we are now because you see last night none other than expat Eddie checked in he's in Panama right now With probably one of the most stark examples of the gringo advantage

[00:48] I've heard in a long long time and That it had something to do with the covid it thing in lockdown is even more strange and worth talking about Of course you long-time listeners know what the gringo advantage is I kind of coined the term probably 10 years ago now or maybe someone else said that first and I stole it doesn't matter What that gringo advantage is is the fact that we that is first world Americans Canadians and Europeans have been completely stereotyped by Latin Americans But in a very positive and good way whether we deserve it or not and a lot of us don't deserve it Believe me even so since Latinos admire and want to copy everything that comes out of the first world naturally you as a gringo or gringa represent everything they want to be or Aspired to be even though it can never really happen. It's the impossible dream

[01:36] You don't have to believe me, but there are a million ways to prove it I mean look who do you think invented the term? Swenio Americano the American dream you think we did well somehow down here in Latin America There's this pie-in-the-sky belief as far as that so-called Swenio Americano That's supposed to kick in for any Latino or foreigner as soon as he steps foot in the US Oh, and there's the physical factors, too It's yet another way Latinos show their classism and racism tendencies That's by admiring and looking favorably on people who are lighter skinned have lighter colored eyes and who are taller than the average Latino and Since all the technology that's ever landed in Latin America first came from the States or Europe

[02:22] That's why in general Latinos stereotype us as if it's smarter and more clever than their own culture, too Then there's first world sports Hollywood and the entertainment industry Latinos are absolutely addicted to that stuff, too Let's put it this way Latinos have a thousand stereotypes about us and 95% of them are all in our favor Whether we deserve it or not a lot of us don't and though most all of the stereotypes are very positive There are a few negative ones like for example We're considered to be a little bit colder and less emotional than the average Latino or Latina We definitely can't dance well not compared to Latinos or Latinas But you knew that already right and sometimes you know as a gringo or gringo here in Latin America You get such preferential treatment. You don't even realize it. It just becomes natural to you

[03:11] Once you get used to the fact that people will gladly give you cuts to the front of the line Soon enough you start expecting it But remember the closer you get to the gringo tourist trail the more your gringo advantage fades away Because you know when gringo start piling in we always try to change things take charge and basically terraform the place Not to mention as we pile in we continuously drive up the prices and thus the cost of living for the locals And that starts pissing them off eventually That's why almost every single place on the gringo tourist trail is loaded with jaded locals Who smile a lot and treat us nice, but deep down. They're just looking at us like dollar signs the perfect example being Cancun and 100 tourist spots in Mexico not to mention the entire country of Costa Rica

[04:00] Oh and in many parts of Panama to where ex-pat Eddie checked in from yesterday But still his gringo advantage kicked right in and saved him a lot of grief And here's how it went as you know most countries these days have curfews and if you're out past that curfew You're supposed to get fined or reprimanded even quarantined Anyway, just last night Eddie was driving his car and he had two young computer techs in his car They were two local 20-something guys working on some office stuff already Anyway, the curfew in Panama City is I think 10 o'clock at night and any timed it out to get home around 8 30 except He said there was a huge rainstorm that flooded the streets and on one of the streets He normally took home it turned into a lake right in front of him and he was stuck He couldn't get by there were cars behind him and in front of him

[04:45] Taking on water and a big old garbage truck that had stalled right in front of him and was blocking all the traffic So he and a lot of others were just stuck and the clock was ticking and soon It was 10 after 9 past curfew time and he'd never been out past curfew time before So anyway, the water receded the bottleneck opened up the traffic started moving again And as he rambled on about five blocks up there was a roadblock the cops were out in force They pulled him over read in the riot act impounded his car and took the two Panamanian guys off to jail to spend the night now He wasn't the only one stopped by the cops There were so many cars impeded by that artificial lake in the middle of the street They ended up rounding up about six or seven cars and the people in them with Eddie being the only gringo the rest were

[05:35] Local Panama guys now the funny thing Eddie said was they pulled over six or seven cars Yet they let probably another 60 or 70 cars zoom on by who also had violated the curfew So Eddie just happened to be one of the unlucky ones who got singled out Well, he said after about 20 minutes of haggling back and forth basically about his car Which they were getting ready to tow away. So Eddie did exactly the right thing He called his lawyer his lawyer got on the phone to the cops They impounded everyone's car except his marched everyone But Eddie off to jail to spend the night and when Eddie got back on the phone to his lawyer He praised the guy saying I don't know what you said to these guys But you saved me a lot of grief then the lawyer said listen

[06:21] They were never gonna take your car and put you in jail They've got orders never to do that kind of stuff to gringos and he said really why is that because of the US Embassy? Are they trying to kiss the US government's ass or something and the lawyer said no not so much just that They know a gringo could make that kind of stuff go viral on the net be terrible for tourism and publicity He said they just don't want to screw around with the heat You can bring down on them if that were to happen and the bad publicity Especially since Panama is a big gringo tourist and retirement destination That since the lockdown some months ago has been pretty much devastated But the lawyer did say to Eddie good thing you didn't mouth off to him because that might have changed things considerably But Eddie's not that type. He's full of a subtle wicked sarcasm and most smart gringos get it

[07:11] But because gringo humor doesn't translate well and most Latino humor is basic and kind of crude It generally goes right over their heads, and that's a good thing anyway in the end of course Eddie ended up paying the fine for his Two computer guys, but he couldn't get him out of the slammer They had to spend the night there and of course Eddie knowing Spanish pretty well being in Latin America more than 15 years now He tried to suddenly bribe the cops But he said there were just too many of them around at the cop shop And you know when bribing a cop here in Latin America They're extra cautious these days about other people in the vicinity who just might see what's happening Since everyone's nuts about taking cell phone videos and posting them on insta crap twaddle and fake book I've noticed it myself that cops are getting more and more cautious about bribery if they're in a group

[07:59] They won't bite, but when you catch one alone or working with their usual partner then by all means test the waters So it is true the age-old custom of police bribery is still alive and well But only when you're dealing with a single cop or when it's one guy and his partner by the way over the years I've been in a number of situations where I've watched the bribery thing go down and in doing so there's another thing I noticed I paid off ten or twenty bucks here and there to a lot of cops But never to a female cop and it's true when I first came down there were very few female cops And when you did find them they were working in a parking meter beat or out in the middle of street directing traffic So they weren't working in the kind of situations where you might find yourself having to fork over a bribe But these days since about the last three or four years anyway female cops are in every branch of police service

[08:51] That said here's an inquiry for all you listeners out there If you ever find yourself in a situation where you bribed a female cop shoot me an email I'd like to know about it. I'd like to hear your story. It'd be a first So anyway, Eddie said when the cops were taking away his two computer buddies He said the amazing thing was all the 15 or so people there They were shuffling off to spend the night in the slammer He was expecting the evil eye from those guys at least a little pushback Since he was the only guy that got out of it and he was the only gringo But he said no one gave him any crap at all In fact, he said one of the guys who got caught like him Said to him early on before he even knew he was gonna get released He said Eddie we've got a long hard night ahead of us. You're lucky. You've got no worries You're a gringo and he didn't say it as a snide remark

[09:38] He just said it as a matter of fact comment and sure enough 10 minutes later. He realized the guy was right Oh and about the fine for his two computer buddies a hundred bucks apiece on the nose nice round figure, huh? Well, that's because they used the US dollar in Panama But there's more get this one of the computer guys has a dad who's a colonel in Panama's army So naturally first thing he did was phone up daddy Figuring his dad would pull some strings Of course and the kid was back and forth on the phone to his dad the colonel for the next half hour or so But to no avail turns out Eddie with his gringo advantage had more pull than the kid whose dad was a colonel Yep, that's how powerful your gringo advantage can be and yesterday in Eddie's case

[10:24] Anyway, just being a gringo was his get out of jail free card for real and the moral of the story Well during this co-videa thing don't stay out past the curfew time or like Eddie just might end up in a situation But also it's a story that contains a lesson for certain gringos and expats Who think they can just come down to Latin America and do everything themselves because they think they know a little Spanish or whatever As you know, Eddie did exactly the right thing when he got pulled over first thing he did call his lawyer Step to hand the phone over to the large-ass cop in charge and let your Abigado your lawyer sort things out Oh, and this is interesting, you know what they call this co-videa curfew thing here in Latin America They don't call it a curfew. There is really no single word translation for that. It's called in Spanish

[11:11] Toki de cada Toki de cada That's three words Toki means touch to que toke and de de means of so touch of and cada que da Means to stay in place or remain in place. So basically the whole phrase doesn't make much sense Literally word for word meaning a touch of or a little bit of staying in place In other words staying in place for a little while. So remember that phrase Toki de cada in English a curfew Oh and one more thing about the gringo advantage not a week or two weeks goes by when someone doesn't say to me I mean a Latino or Latina They'll say something or other just happened or something or other is on the news

[11:59] Did you see it or something just happened to my sister friend? Whatever But of course Johnny since you're a gringo that can never happen to you or that won't apply to you By the way, that expat Eddie story is a good example. Oh And here's something I've heard many times while eavesdropping on a couple of Latinas talking It's like this two Latinas will be talking and one will say to the other Remember so-and-so guess what happened to her, you know she's the one with the husband or boyfriend who's a gringo and Instantly that changes the vibe of the conversation now. They don't mean the gringo thing negatively. They don't say it with spite It's with a touch of jealousy and envy because it's well known throughout the entire Latin community that when a Latina or Latino

[12:46] Has a gringo or gringa Boyfriend girlfriend husband wife, whatever their life in a material manner Anyway is much improved over the lives of their friends and family who are married to her hooked up with Latinos and Latinas Hey, it's just a fact of life and you'll find it out for yourself when you come down here to Latin America to live work Play and or to business being a gringo has tremendous advantage Funny thing is though when you first come down and you're green and fresh You don't realize it till some months have gone by and you're settled in but again Beware of what you might call the false gringo advantage And that's practically only found on the gringo tourist trail where you think all is fine in paradise Meanwhile sooner or later someone Latino or gringo is setting you up for the gouge It's something you got to get into your head if you live work play and or do business on the gringo tourist trail

[13:36] You're always gonna be a mark. That's why as for me I only go to such places when I want a nice little getaway for a weekend or two I practice what I preach. I have not lived on the gringo tourist trail since around 1995 though I admit for new fresh green gringos, especially if you don't speak Spanish the tourist trail is enticing because it's a nice soft landing Problem is most gringos and expats end up living there. How do you think those places came to be called the gringo tourist trail? Meanwhile, I've got so many listeners so fed up with what's happening up in the states and first world in general There's suddenly a lot of interest in getting out of Dodge Remember that acronym good G-O-O-D right about now. It should be heavy on your mind

[14:22] Get out of Dodge a lot of people the smart ones anyway Realized the clock is ticking as evidenced by the tsunami of emails have been getting just like this So it's from Nicole. She says hi Johnny check this out this shit I assume you're okay with a little profanity the covid at 19 vaccine that will be issued through the CDC Will have a vaccination record card that will be distributed to all who receive the vaccine Johnny this is really oh I seriously need to get the hell out of Dodge So please Johnny send me the link that has the up-to-date travel restrictions. I think you mentioned it was created by Harvard or some other university Alright Nicole just so everyone out there has the right website. It's great escape dot co not dot com

[15:12] It's great escape all one word dot co and it says right on the home page What is great escape dot co? It's an inspirational flight search engine that helps you choose a destination and find the cheapest flight for your next vacation with full covid information Then it says the site has been developed by MIT. So there it is folks great escape dot co not Dot-com dot co all right then Nicole says in her email one more thing Johnny Can you address traveling internationally with small dogs? I have two of them What are the rules and regs for dogs that are small enough to travel with you in the cabin signed Nicole PS?

[15:57] May foyer may foyer is Spanish for I'm out of here. All right Nicole. Thanks for that the best Most current information on how to ship your dog or cat from the states to whatever country can be found on the website pet Travel.com. Yeah, it's all one word pet travel.com that sites so well done It even allows you to download all the paperwork for any given country The stuff you need to fill out and have filled in by a veterinarian at least 30 days before you fly with your pet So anyway when you go to this site pet travel.com You'll see a bunch of categories like airline pet policies with full information about live animal in cabin as well as checked baggage and cargo services for pets with the details of airline policies for over

[16:46] 160 airlines and do check the category called pet passports That's where you download the requirements and paperwork for over 240 different countries there's also a section on pet friendly hotels with over 35,000 pet friendly hotels parks and restaurants, etc Again, it's pet travel dot-com when they've even got a blog and a veterinarian question-and-answer Section and there you can find out information if you happen to have one of those rare Exotic pets like macaw parrot or tiger. Mmm. Good luck with that Oh, and they've also got a section on safe and easy pet travel during the age of cove idiots Oh, and you should know this they've got an announcement on the site that says beware of pet scams scammers using their logo

[17:33] Saying that their company pet travel calm can ship pets. Well, we don't ship pets It says we only provide the information don't get sucked in by scammers trying to use our name Oh, and I'm checking out the site right now and it's got a section on how to travel with a rabbit Wabbits, huh? God, those things are filthy and disgusting I once had a girlfriend with a couple of rabbits and man, not only do they stink up a house They breed like well, what do you think? My advice if you're gonna travel with a wabbit just heat up the oven and roast it first Wait a minute. Wait a minute. I see something new on the site Wow, they've got a whole section on how to charter a private plane to fly your furry friends wherever Get this it says if you are a group of six to ten people

[18:20] You and all your pets can be flown in a super mid or heavy jet with prices starting at 35 grand Hey, you know split six or ten ways depending on how many pets you have. I guess it could be worth it Anyway, you pet lovers out there. Have a look at this stuff. It's very interesting pet travel calm And again, I make nothing by giving you this information Since I've always been a pet lover and married to a few dogs myself scratch that I mean, I've always had dogs, you know I've done the research. So why not pass it on moving on you long-time listeners know how much I hate motorcycles I'm not talking about those big-ass very well-made Harleys Indians BMWs, etc Those kind of bikes because of their high price and quality are for a different class of people

[19:06] What I'm talking about is those crappy rice burners. You see everywhere here in Latin America anywhere from 90 to 250 cc seems to be the usual pieces of junk you see most often man I'm telling you when you're stuck in traffic, they'll leave in and out so close to you Even using your fenders and bumpers as leverage kind of duck walking their bike through the tightest spots in traffic Well, let me tell you as a person who values his personal space that just really pisses me off Doesn't matter what kind of car I'm driving I don't want anybody touching it or putting their foot on a bumper to get a boost some leverage to get ahead in The line, but you know when it comes to traffic fate has a way of intervening I can't tell you how many times I've seen a rice burner right in front of me with a twisted frame You know what that means, right?

[19:52] You know, the front and back wheels are supposed to be perfectly aligned and parallel with each other But you know if you keep your eyes open You'll see lots of those frames on those crappy bikes have been mangled because you see sooner or later Statistically every single motorcycle here in Latin America will get into an accident and thus the frames been bent That means every time you see a motorcycle whose front and back tire are out of alignment That means either here or the previous owner has taken a hit. Oh And by the way traffic cops will tell you when there's an accident involving a motorcycle It's almost always the motorcycles fault now speaking of the Latin American locus plague of underpowered motorcycles You see everywhere comes this article out of Ecuador's biggest newspaper It says a 32 year old man died shortly before noon Thursday when his motorcycle collided with the new

[20:40] Cuenca Ecuador public tram the accident occurring in Cuenca's historic district Then it says after reviewing the tran via an ECU 911 video of the accident Police said the victim translation idiot motorcyclist ran a red light and was struck down by the tram Yeah, right the cops call him a victim You know the victims are right the people in the tram they got hurt shook up or were late for work or whatever Because some aggressive careless idiot decided to turn himself into a meat sandwich Hmm, and they've got a nice little picture of the dented tram The destroyed motorcycle and a dead guy just laying there on a pavement and you know, this might sound harsh But I have absolutely no sympathy for these guys at all

[21:26] I'm telling you they make a practice out of running red lights Not to mention going the wrong way down one-way streets and even driving on the sidewalk just to get around traffic jams It's an epidemic of idiots and morons and you see it every time you're driving down the road So anyway Cuenca Ecuador has inaugurated this brand new tram system in a downtown area mostly and apparently Motorcyclists still think they can outrun him or weave around him And if you think it was just this dumb idiot who achieved his last 15 minutes of fame Listen to this the article goes on to say national police spokesman Christian Iglesias said that motorcyclists Constantly disregard traffic signals and refused to give the new tram system the right-of-way Now get this since the trams been operational in 220 there have been 12 similar motorcycle deaths

[22:17] In fact, the police spokesman said this is the third motorcycle fatality of this kind in less than a month So if your thoughts prayers and condolences are with the family Well, that's okay says here this guy had a wife and two sons and they certainly had nothing to do with their idiot old man's bad Luck or collision with fate, whatever you want to call it But the fact is one thing you'll learn in a hurry. You'll absolutely learn to hate motorcyclists like it or not They will become the enemy Oh and by the way Once you learn a little Spanish and you get to meet the real Latin population and mingle with them a bit You'll find that every single family I'm talking about every family has a story of a relative or friend who's been killed or otherwise mangled while on a motorcycle and it'll just keep on happening because even if a Latin American government put an edict out tomorrow that

[23:05] Required cops to ticket every motorcyclist breaking the law They just wouldn't be able to comply because the cops, you know They sit at certain points on the road and when they want to pull you over they point to you and flag you down And they have these roadside checkpoints not because of the heavy hand of big brother But because they're only allotted a gallon or two gas a day So not only do they skip the high-speed chases They never keep patrolling on the road the cops with cruisers Generally only patrol one or two hours a day because that's all the gas they have so if the cops depend on roadside checkpoints and Motorcyclists know no cop will ever chase them nor are the cops able to block the road and stop a Motorcyclist because he can do a quick u-turn in a second and just laugh at the cops as he whizzes by

[23:50] I've seen that move a number of times. In fact, these guys on their rice burners are so emboldened More than half of them don't even have the driver's licenses and they don't even care because they know they can't get pulled over Unless they voluntarily do it and that would be stupid and the cops Well, they gave up on ticketing motorcyclists eons ago and even when they do get a hold of one Let's say he's been in an accident and they ticket the guy more often than not The motorcyclist just gets up brushes himself off and limps away never bothering to pay the fine I mean really what are they gonna do to the guy? He doesn't got a pot to pee in and if he did, he wouldn't be driving a rusted out 20 year old 125 CC rice burner But really it's true. They're so emboldened They run red lights drive on the sidewalk go the wrong way down one-way streets even pull wheelies

[24:38] Yep They pull wheelies and they have no problem with three or four in a bike even in a couple of infants and daddy's arms All that right in front of the cops and the cops don't even wins So when you finally get down here and they really start getting on your nerves Don't think the cops or authorities are ever gonna have a solution. They won't but fate and karma Well, that's another thing all together so next time the traffic slows down and you see people rubber neck and because some Motorcyclists been laid out in the middle of the highway. You can feel for the guy It's a human thing to do But I have to say the longer you're down here the less you're inclined to have any sympathy at all for these guys Oh, and have you heard of these guys known throughout many Latin countries as moto-conscious. Oh, that's a motorcycle taxi service Now I don't think it's in any way organized or even permitted by law except in a very few cases

[25:26] Where uber is permitted to have moto-taxes? Meanwhile practically every big Latin City has its share of off-the-books moto-taxes or moto-conscious So then who rides those death traps people who can't afford to take a regular taxi or uber So if an uber ride costs five bucks a moto-kansha, maybe a buck or buck and a half So they're extremely cheap compared to ubers, but getting on them is a real risk In other words, don't think because those moto-taxi guys are hauling around people for a living that they're gonna be any more cautious or noble Then the next motorcyclist nope, they'll be breaking every law there is to own one last thing If you ever happen to be a passenger in a moto-kansha moto-taxi the driver will hand you a helmet Just try not to think about how many greasy

[26:13] Lice-infested heads have occupied that helmet before you put your noggin in it details details, but I digress as usual Alright, we're getting towards the end of the show now And I just like to remind you that I'm looking for a guy or gal planning on coming to my expat insider seminar Who'd like to have a roommate? That's a way, you know, you could save $750 off the single price now I've paired some roommates up already, but we're talking about some more people that want to do the same thing So I'm looking for a lady and a guy I'm talking about same-sex roommates, of course So I need a female who's looking for a lady roommate and a guy looking for a guy roommate If that's in your seminar plan send me an email the expat files at gmail.com Oh and as far as a seminar, you know, it starts on January 8th 2021

[27:00] That's the Friday and it goes through the following Thursday January 14th So as this show goes out Sunday November 1st That means we're just a little over two months from our launch date and as far as the early bird discounts They're in effect till November 15th So you got two weeks to get the $500 break that you have with the discount So it's time to get a move on get off the fence sign up and get in on those discounts For all the details and sign up info just go to expat plan B calm and click on the seminar link You've been listening to the expat files living in Latin America If you need some help with your own plan B We can schedule a one-on-one phone or Skype consult Just send me an email the expat files at gmail.com And if you want to get on the waiting list for my next week-long expat insider seminar in Central America

[27:50] Where you're guaranteed to get a two to five year head start on your plan B Send me an email the expat files at gmail.com. No spamos