#1036 – Episode 1036: Water Conservation, House-Sitting, and Cultural Insights in Latin America

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came out to play and now I wonder Hello there all you ex-pat wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started. All right I'm back in the saddle again after a day off ready to offend you once again. Yep. It's gonna be one of those shows I'm sure to hate mail will be rolling in after this one. So here goes, you know You could be down here a long long time like I've been for me

[00:46] It's over three decades now and still you learned something new about the culture every single day For example, my girlfriend invited some friends of hers a husband and wife they live in a small town of maybe 15,000 people and I'm living in the big city or kind of on the outskirts in the suburbs of a big city And you know, I've met this young couple before they're nice people and she said can they stay over for a couple of days? They need to do some stuff in the big city shopping that I thought why not? They seem nice and I have a couple of guest rooms So then last weekend they stayed over for two days and sure enough after just a couple hours I sort of noticed a couple of odd things happening around the house things that rubbed me the wrong way and they would you too For example, I'd go into the guest bathroom or one of the bathrooms. I noticed they hadn't flushed the toilet

[01:33] I'm talking about pee not number two and the first time I thought okay Well, they just forgot could happen to anyone we all do that sometimes I guess then later on at night same thing I walk into a bathroom. There's pee in the toilet and I thought man, this is not good Maybe I should say something but maybe not you're leaving the next day. So anyway around midnight. I went to another bathroom Again with the pee in the toilet. This I thought is getting out of hand Of course each time I hit the lever right away I mean who wants to look at that right, but I was kind of getting pissed off So they were all sitting around on the balcony at midnight having some wine couple of cigars, you know Saturday night I looked at the little group and I said, you know You guys really have to flush the toilet after you use it and the couple looked at me and nodded said, okay

[02:18] No problem. We can do that Then I walked into the kitchen to get another glass of wine and my girlfriend appeared in there and she looked at me and she Said kind of sternly. She said Johnny they're from a small town not the big city They've got different customs there and I said you mean they've got a custom of not flushing the toilet. That's not good She said no. No, it's not that at all. It's just that in most small towns people out of municipal water Don't get it 24-7. It's only on maybe eight or ten hours a day depending on where you live So some people will let the pee accumulate as gross as that sounds and wait till the end of the day to flush the toilet And I thought okay. All right, but haven't they ever heard of a cistern? You know what a cistern is, right? It's a water tank usually sits on top the roof fills up when there's water pressure and then at night or whenever you don't have it

[03:07] There's an auxiliary pump that kicks in and now you got water 24-7 She said yeah Well, that works just fine if you own your own house and you can put it on your roof But if you live in an apartment complex and you don't have access to the roof You can't have a cistern and that's usually the case because only the people on the top floor have access to the roof on top of that almost all Apartment houses for middle class and lower middle class people have municipal water That means they're stuck with the government supplied city water and in many if not most cases, it doesn't flow 24-7 That's why people have cisterns. So bottom line if you have Latino visitors, and they don't flush the toilet Don't assume they're just a bunch of uncouth little piggies. It's just a learned cultural thing Unnecessary evil. It's a way to control and conserve the limited amount of water

[03:55] Most people with municipal water are allotted each day I know it can be pretty disgusting, but that's the way it is same thing goes if you've got regular middle-class visitors Don't be surprised after they've left you go into your bathroom and you see the waste paper basket filled with toilet paper Yuck, that's disgusting. But you longtime listeners know why that's because the plumbing and most every house here in Latin America is undersized To save on dough, of course So middle and lower class Latinos never put their toilet paper in the toilet even though it's called Toilet paper why because even a little toilet paper will clog the toilet in a hurry Yeah, but all it takes is a word from you and it will never happen again. They learn fast Well, at least when they're at your house But when they're back at home again the old gross out disgusting rules apply though for Latinos

[04:44] There's nothing gross or disgusting about it. That's just the way it is and as for those visitors I was talking about. Well, they probably think I'm kind of a dick and they'll probably never come back again We'll see but really that just reinforces the fact that you have to get off the municipal water system or Add a cistern and rainwater collection if at all possible However, if you can't collect rainwater and some people just can't because they don't have access to the roof That means you have to have a place to put a cistern in a pump even a cistern that holds 250 gallons of water is adequate Though more is always better last house I built had a 5,000 gallon cistern and that thing could have supplied a family of four for a month maybe more but even with a 250 gallon cistern that's kind of small in a complete water outage

[05:32] If you're careful that could last a family of four two days though You have to have a place where that thing it should be on the roof Why because then if there's no power it'll flow by force of gravity now It won't be very powerful or strong, but it will flow now your longtime listeners Will remember me telling you that the average American uses about a hundred gallons of water a day You know shower dishwasher the whole works and the average Latino because of the water shortage problem They've learned to get by on about 25 gallons per person a day. That's a quarter what gringos use now I should clarify that it's not because they don't have fresh water They've got plenty of fresh water down here more than you'll ever have up in Cleveland It's just that they don't put much effort at all into collecting it I'm talking about the rainy season now, which is generally around six months in duration between May and October

[06:18] Where it rains like hell for two or more hours practically every day because I'm telling you if you had an average sized roof And you collected all the rain that hit it in just one day during the rainy season if you could store it I'm talking about just one day's rain You'd have enough water for a family of four for an entire month now You know I personally have a rain collection system and where I'm at now I have a 250 gallon cistern and a new one of those at a hardware store costs around maybe 100 to 150 bucks that's really all you need then again if you don't buy an auxiliary pump then those things cost around a hundred bucks You'll have to count on gravity feed as mentioned But if you have an auxiliary pump of course you'll have to plug that in and use electricity of course in that case your water Will float just fine and the pressure will be normal as if you were on city water

[07:05] That is when the city water is actually flowing and I'll repeat the reason why in most Latin cities big and small the water is Not on 24 seven is because it's been estimated that more than half of the water That's going through the city pipes is lost due to leaks cracks and poor connections in other words surprise surprise Lack of maintenance so if it wasn't for the government running these things in by the way private water systems are fire and few in between Here in Latin America there would definitely be water 24 7 but as usual when the government runs things Well, I don't have to tell you how that usually turns out And I just don't mean third world governments either That's all governments first and third world and again Let me hit on the fact that the average American up in the states uses a hundred gallons of water a day Latinos use a quarter that 25 gallons a day

[07:52] So if you have a cistern of 250 gallons in your city water goes out That'll be enough for two and a half Americans for one day or ten Latinos for one day However, do understand that once you're living down here in Latin America for a while if you have a half a brain You'll start conserving water a little better because we Americans do waste a hell of a lot of water And once we see how Latinos conserve we start to feel guilty about it I mean look how many times have you just turned on your water and let it run and run and run you'll walk away And in no time there's a gallon down the drain How many times a week does that happen to you especially in the kitchen when you're cooking and look how many gallons do we all Waste when we stick our finger under the tap or in the shower just waiting for the hot water to come How many gallons a month go down the drain that way hey, I'm not telling you how to live your life I'm just saying Latinos are much more conscientious than gringos when it comes to conserving water by necessity now

[08:43] Of course if you're collecting water or if you've got your own private Well, you can play fast and loose with the water thing because you know What you don't use ends up in the gutters or in the soil Anyway, just a little food for thought when you finally land down here and get a place When my advice to you if you're gonna live in the city in a residential tower and a lot of older gringos Especially would like to do that because you got really good security and we all want that There's generally a lobby where the guy posted their 24 7 Cameras everywhere electric door buzzer to get in and all that electric garage door opener to to get into the parking area So really when you're talking about safety and security and being able to leave for months and months at a time and have Nothing to worry about just lock up your place and go there It really is nothing like living in a residential tower However, a lot of residential towers, especially the older ones that are more than maybe 15 years old

[09:33] They weren't constructed with their own wells So they're taking city water and they generally have a big cistern on the roof or somewhere So you're counting on the fact that things filling all the time and that the pump in the system Delivering that water when there's an outage has been maintained correctly and you know about maintenance here in Latin America So my advice if you're gonna live in a residential tower if it's got its own well, you're absolutely fine You're always gonna have water if it doesn't and you're getting city water and they've got a cistern try to buy the penthouse Why because then you got no one living above you. There's nothing up there, but the roof It's basically your roof and you can put a cistern or solar hot water heater or solar panels up there for your use Exclusively you could even put a water collection system on your roof for your own use exclusively, too

[10:19] Obviously if you're in an apartment complex or residential tower and you live anywhere else But the top floor you got someone living above you and no access to the roof Of course residential tower living is not for everyone But like I said It's the best of all worlds if you're the type that likes to travel a lot or goes back and forth in states for weeks And months at a time in that case You just lock it up and go and you'll never have to worry about vandals break-ins or no goodniks That as opposed to example if you're living in a single-family house and you take off for a month or two You better have someone house it could be your cleaning lady Even your maintenance guy or someone you know or even a house-sitting service by the way when it comes to house-sitting as a business You'll always be able to find some nice young usually college-aged girl or girls sometimes to come in pairs that do house and apartment

[11:07] Sitting as a kind of a sideline that way they get to travel the world or live in an area They absolutely love without paying rent You'll see them on the net and in gringo fake book page groups and they'll come with references, etc. You have to have those It's a pretty good deal, especially if you got dogs or cats birds or snakes and you're gonna leave for a while. Yeah That's right. Some people have snakes. I don't like them myself, but I know some gringo expats who have missed pets However, I think if you have snakes, especially big ones You don't need a house sitter after all they only eat like once a month, right? And believe me once word gets out you've got snakes in the house. Nobody's gonna try to get in hell I don't even think you'll be able to find a cleaning lady much less a nice friendly female house sitter or house sitters Hey, call me sexist. Call me a jerk But I prefer female house sitters to male house sitters because I was a young guy once and I know how young guys left alone

[11:57] Could get up to no good. Oh and about how sitting in general that seems to be an exclusive gringo thing If you've mentioned such a thing to Latinos, they don't know what the hell you're talking about Not because Latinos don't go on vacation or take off and leave their houses unattended for a while It's just that most Latino households have extended family members living in the house You know grandma aunt Maria uncle Tulio So there's always someone living in the house when mom and dad want to go on vacation or whatever Now I know up in the states the house sitting thing is pretty well developed kind of sideline. Well here in Latin America It's kind of a relatively new thing though. My advice is if you're gonna have anyone house it for you again I repeat make sure it's a young lady or a couple of young ladies as sexist as that might sound it's being realistic

[12:42] Oh and speaking of sexist, how about this? You know, I've got a couple of good gringo expat friends who owned warehouses and factories are sometimes known as sweatshops or Makilas Now as far as that sweatshop thing sure there are sweatshops, but not in the Altiplano You know, I'm talking about places that are 4,000 feet above sea levels or more That's the Altiplano because there you see the weather's always between about 60 and 80 degrees and those factories Especially we're talking about clothing factories. A lot of those down here are not hot and sweaty But you see the factories that are in Nicaragua Honduras Panama, El Salvador Dominican Republic, Jamaica, etc They're at sea level or slightly above so they're damn hot 90 100 degrees sometimes inside which naturally makes them known as sweatshops because everybody's sweating their asses off and almost no factories have

[13:32] Air-conditioning except in the offices for the owners and managers and that term You know sweatshop always makes my gringo buddies who have these factories in the Altiplano left because they're always getting tired with the same Brush so to speak but back to this sexist thing now my friends who own those Makilas tell me it's customary to hire the locals to do the work at a ratio of about one man for every 20 women that means 95% of the workers are women and 5% of the workers are men and it's absolutely planned that way. Yep It's completely sexist and oddly enough since most Makila owners are Latinos are Asians There are no white people or white privilege to blame on this one So again, the women outnumber the men 20 to 1 now It's not because the women work harder or better than men though

[14:18] They do seem to he says have the patience to do the fine and detailed work better than guys do After all, they've got smaller more delicate fingers when it comes to doing customized sewing work and such But the dirty little secret is male workers harass the females both overtly and covertly and though you can stop the overt stuff They say you can't monitor or keep tabs on them when they're coming to work and they're hanging around the parking lot Or during lunch breaks and such or after work when they file out the door and my buddies Tell me they need a few guys around to do the heavy lifting So there's usually a responsible male supervisor of a crew a maintenance guy Not girl in a man or two with a fork truck or hand truck keeping the ladies supplied with raw materials as they work Whatever that stuff is Problem is guys show favoritism and hit on them anytime they can get away with it

[15:06] So as it turns out the more guys in the mix the more trouble And that makes for disharmony and lower productivity because you know when a guy is hitting on or hassling girls or playing favorites Something's got to give Unfortunately, Makila owners will tell you as long as there are guys around sexual harassment will prevail It's a very macho society guys are always catcalling and hitting on women Even when they're seemingly happily married with a family and or kids for example I'm really good friends with the lady that owns a beauty salon She's very good-looking girl 40 something years old and her boyfriend a Latino guy has three kids with three different women not with her But with three other so her relationship with the guy is pretty complicated because I see him out sometimes with his three young kids Aged maybe five to fifteen and I have no idea how she my lady beautician friend handles it

[15:54] But she does and that kind of scene is pretty common down here on top of that I'm sitting with the guy the other day real nice guy Excellent personality and all that and we're sitting there and shooting the breeze and suddenly he asked me When he could take me to some of his favorite strip clubs and you know strip clubs here in Latin America are not Your regular you can look but don't touch strip clubs like they have in the states They're what they call puta palaces or whorehouses because you know that stuff is legal here in Latin America Are you getting this a guy who's got three kids from three separate girls who's going with a friend of mine? They've been together something like two years now He's inviting me out to his favorite whorehouses I mean look this is part of the culture here and why every single Latina I've ever met remember I've been down here 30 plus years now has caught her boyfriend her husband cheating on her it really is inbred into the culture

[16:41] They're serial cheaters and seem proud to admit it and they come right out and tell you their father cheated their brothers cheated Their uncles and grandpas cheated They tell me it's genetic and their women although they hate the idea of it will almost always take them back Even after multiple offenses, although the cold shoulder treatment might last a couple of weeks. They'll usually take the guy back Oh and believe me when that happens There's no such thing as the woman giving the guy this silent treatment because latinas man when they're confronted with a cheating boyfriend Or husband they can and do explode Believe me You don't want to be on the receiving end of a pissed off Latina and those Latino guys the serial cheaters They know how to play it. They wait out that cooling off period apologize profusely Buy him a dozen roses a teddy bear some perfume and a couple hours in a shoe store then make with the crocodile tears

[17:29] Latino guys cry a lot, you know They've found that works well when they're caught red-handed and a couple weeks later when you see him again They're holding hands and all lovey-dovey and that's why and I wonder if this ever happens up in the states every Latina I've ever gone out with well asked to check your phone and that's because these days most of the guys who get caught Aren't savvy enough to completely cover their tracks with the other girls. They're communicating with And that's where what's up for Latino guys has been a double-edged sword What's up is the usual way to start and get caught in an affair and that's why a lot of smart Latino guys have two phones One for the legit wife or girlfriend and other for the affairs He's having on the side and that's why you know, and I hate to say this every time I see a gringo You know an American or a European lady here in Latin America who's hooked up with a Latin guy by marriage or just boyfriend girlfriend thing

[18:19] I'm always thinking what's she gonna do when she discover he's cheating on it Because you know first world ladies have little or no tolerance for guys who cheat on them for most of them No amount of flowers gifts shoes or crocodile tears will put Humpty Dumpty back together again, though I don't know. I'm old-school. So I could be wrong ladies gringas out there You tell me how you deal with it Send me an email the expat files at gmail.com and tell me how you would react if you found out your guy was a serial philanderer Though I've talked to a lot of gringas here in Latin America and newbie gringas, too They all roll their eyes and say they wouldn't tolerate any of that. They dump the guy like a hot potato They say latinas are nuts are just stupid for continuously taking the guys back However, the thing is if you look at the big picture you realize Latinas don't have much of a choice that is their dating pool

[19:06] All they've got to choose from is Latinos except of course if they live on or near the gringo tourist trail Then there are gringos coming in and out all the time But in that case you'll often hear that Latinos don't want to go out with gringos or expats unless they're absolutely sure They're just not down for a vacation or a weekend for a fling because although they really like gringo first-world guys They know that 90 plus percent of them are here and gone and likely attached back home They figure the time and the effort isn't worth the eventual outcome Otherwise known as a vacation fling and that's why nearly every single gringo expat friend of mine who's hooked up with a latina He's told me that before the relationship could even get started She had to make sure he wasn't just down for the weekend or a vacation that he was gonna stick around if he was serious

[19:53] She'd commit but otherwise no life is tough enough now Of course we're talking about good girls here because on the gringo tourist trail There's lots of gold diggers and on the internet on those cupid sites. They're everywhere I'd say three quarters or more are gold diggers I talked about that in great detail in a couple of past shows if you recall now Speaking of things that are kind of gross and people don't necessarily like to talk about but think about once in a while Maybe you can answer this for me. Why is it that guys spit? Something like a hundred times more than women do in fact I think in my whole life I've only seen a woman spit maybe two or three time and then only because she ate something that was spoiled or terrible tasting So she had to get it out of her mouth right away. Other than that I don't think I've ever seen a lady or a woman just cough out a longer, but guys, you know

[20:39] They seem to do it all the time. Thankfully though, unless of course, they're a really low-class guy They don't do it too much. I say too much in front of women So then if all the hundred and one micro genders are supposed to be completely equal. Where's the equality there? You know if all things were really equal men would have to spit less and our women would have to up their game Just saying oh and to get really Politically incorrect here. How about this one? I've got a pretty good friend down here in Latin America Latino who's gay and is a real flamer Great guy and really the life of the party and even after the party because then he'll go into his cleaning mode He'll spend hours making the place look like new after he's done with it. Anyway, he told me about this movie. That's pretty popular I didn't see it yet an American movie translate in Spanish

[21:27] Of course about this really popular beautiful girl who marries a guy who's gay and she doesn't know it She doesn't pick up on it But everyone else does now that makes for some pretty crazy plot lines And he said to me something, you know that a lot of me and my friends through the years have thought about how come Talking about up in the States now some of the most beautiful and desirable women from your high school and college days I just end up going out with hooking up and even marrying guys that are obviously gay In other words, everyone gets it, but her I'm talking to you guys out there Now how many times in your life have you seen a beautiful woman with a guy? Walking hand-in-hand arm-in-arm boyfriend girlfriend even married and you're thinking something's wrong with this picture. Why is he her partner? Why is she with him? He's gay man I can tell you I've had that conversation with my friends plenty of times and frankly we're stumped

[22:14] But back to my gay Latino friend commenting about that first world move He saw translated in Spanish, of course, because my friend does not speak English. He said, you know what Johnny? I thought that kind of sickness only existed in Latin America. And I said what kind of sickness? He said Latinas have a sickness. We call maricon siego meaning gay blind Have you ever heard of that before gay blind and he his name is Randy just laughed and laughed He said so after I watched that movie. I realized it's a universal thing a universal sickness apparently women everywhere Failed to recognize what everyone else does they end up a couple often getting married and even having kids But in the end the lady does find out the truth because her so-called better half can't keep those urges quiet forever

[23:01] So there you have it something else that both cultures Latino and gringo have in common a phenomena known as gay blind Have you heard that term before? I never did until he brought it up though We never knew it had a name my buddies and I sure were aware of that phenomena I remember seeing it way back in high school and my buddies and I would talk about it We wondered how it could happen. How could it be so prevalent? I guess it's just another one of life's mysteries How come us dumb crude thick-headed males could see it and those beautiful smart astute ladies couldn't I guess gay blind is The correct term after all so ladies gringas. What are your thoughts on that? Has it happened to you or your friends? I'm sure you've got some stories now. I've said about that too much said about that

[23:46] Alright now an email. It's from Chris He says Johnny in the age of gov idiots do they still have helicopter school jobs for English teachers? Also Johnny do kids have summers off like they do in the states or how do vacations work signed Chris? Alright Chris Well, just like up in the states the schools are not open kids do have virtual classes though At least kids who have got computers at home and not all do you know? So most of the kids going to public school don't have school at all because they don't have computers and the private school kids That's about 10% of kids down here They all have nice phones and computers because their parents have enough money to send them to private school They're all doing virtual classes online just like kids up in the states However, obviously they're doing no hiring of teachers So it's a terrible time to be thinking about coming down and hiring on at one of those private schools

[24:36] It was a very easy thing to do especially off the tourist trail in the past before Covid it There was a great demand for real live gringles from the states teaching is not just English But all subjects in English, so it was only the real high-end school This is a helicopter schools that had English teachers from the states The thing is there are a lot of private schools in Latin America that don't have a single Gringo expat teacher because they can't afford to pay the price though They still call themselves bilingual schools and when the kids have their English classes They're taught by local Latino Spanish teachers who know English Unfortunately the English teachers themselves don't have perfect English So most kids come out not knowing English very well and some of them not much at all

[25:21] So the kids whose parents pay only maybe from 15 to 200 bucks a month for a private school are not being taught by real live Gringo teachers imported from the states. So as far as low-budget private schools It's exceedingly rare that their students ever have a good command of the English language But in the high-end helicopter schools where they actually have gringo teachers hired on just to teach classes in English Those kids really do learn their English correctly with an accent of course, but they do learn it though These days with the gov idiot thing when people are taking classes virtually and online There's really no demand for teachers even when the covid it restrictions are over if they ever are truly over I wouldn't put any bets on those English teaching jobs for gringles and expats opening up again Not like they used to now as far as Latino schools and summer vacations and stuff

[26:10] Well, it depends on the country, but it's basically like this For example in Panama, Colombia and a few others the school year for public school That is government school about 90% of the kids go there They'd be mostly the poor lower middle classes and some middle-class kids The school year starts in the last weeks of February or March and ends in mid December That means their summer vacation is basically mid December through early March And they're usually divided into trimesters not semesters And they've got a week off between trimesters and a week off for Easter And they've got about twice as many national holidays as you have up in the states So they get more time off than first-world kids up in the states do however if your kids go into private school They can be really flexible with their summer vacations and schedules in general

[26:58] And there are some high-end helicopter schools that have the exact same schedule as schools up in the states Though it's a small percentage about 2% of private schools have exactly the same schedule as the schools up by you That is June, July and August as the summer vacation But as a rule in most of Latin America, it's December, January and February That the kids have off for their supposed summer vacation The irony being that's considered winter So they get their summer vacation in winter Hmm...confused yet? Go to www.nosvamos.com