#1042 – Expat Life in Latin America: Culture, Pandemic, Safety, and More

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came up to play and now as I wonder Hello there all you ex-pat wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started All right. Let's start out with the thought for today Have you noticed that white people's music was so much better when they allowed ugly people to make it? Hmm think about that for a while case in point Janice Joplin mama Cass meatloaf and Ellis Cooper to name a tiny few now

[00:49] Regarding getting the hell out of Dodge in that plan be of yours for those of you who still on the fence Those of you waiting for more optimal conditions in your own life to get that plan be going get the hell out of Dodge Well, I've got some news for you Optimal conditions will not be arriving anytime soon though. There are some people who've got the right idea They've got all the intentions in the world to get that plan be going. So what's stopping them? Well, some people just need permission that comes from a higher authority, you know Like in school when you'd raise your hand to go to the bathroom Well, you know some kids if the teacher didn't call on them They'd piss their pants yet other kids would never let it go that far They just storm right out and go to the bathroom without permission So today I'm giving you all permission to head for the exits if you haven't done so already Hey, you can deny it all you want, but some people really do need to hear they've got permission

[01:39] I mean look if you're living in the first world all your life You've been asking the government for permission for practically everything That's why so many first world people who want to get the hell out of Dodge They keep putting it off and putting it off because their family and friends Pooh-poo the idea saying you're nuts and of course uncle Sam via US State Department Announcements that third world countries are oh so dangerous that kind of pressure used to work in most every case But these days people are wising up That's why I hear from so many gringos and expats who have landed here in Latin America that they never Disgusted with anybody else up in the States not friends or family They just made their plans set the timeline and got the hell out of Dodge and let their family and friends sort it out in their minds Once they realize their friends or loved ones were serious about it and got the hell out for real

[02:27] And you know, I expect Eddie who's been in Latin America now a little over 20 years He likens leaving the States to breaking up with a girlfriend or significant other by just never calling him again And though it might seem like the cowards way out some people just don't deal well with face-to-face confrontation meanwhile up in the States everyone walks on eggshells lest they be accused of being a racist or spewing microaggressions or Being culturally or racially insensitive everyone that is everyone who's addicted to social media is afraid of being canceled So they just suck up play the game bite their tongues and remain spineless weenies However down here in Latin America that kind of stuff just does not exist except on the gringo tourist trail We're naturally cancel culture, etc is in full force. However, when off the gringo tourist trail, how can I explain this?

[03:17] Oh, I know you go into a Chinese restaurant pick up the menu and the first thing you see at the top is an appetizer called tacos chinos Translation Chinese tacos. Hmm. Can that be right? How can they get away with that? Isn't that a double insult to both the Chinese and the Mexicans in the States? That would mean of course that the cook would have to be half Chinese and half Mexican to get away with it Correct, or else it's the sin of cultural appropriation Now I have to admit that's totally confusing to any gringo or expat who first sees that Latino phrase for what we call up in The States egg rolls. Yep, and you wonder how there could be such controversy over a simple thing like egg rolls now I don't think anytime soon you're gonna see on the menu up in the States in a Chinese restaurant

[04:03] Tacos chinos now that would be a trigger for hyper culturally sensitive woke people now, wouldn't it? There'd be a call right away to the cultural Misappropriation police and that restaurant would be canceled on all social media platforms. I know I know it sounds like a bad joke But you know up by you. They're dead serious about that horse Meanwhile down here in Latin America except as mentioned when you're heavy on the gringo tourist trail those BLM woke activists No flake types just do not exist. And if you're wondering if they're gonna show up in the near future Well, I'd say it's very unlikely and if Latinos do become woke I'd say it'd be what you might call woke extra light and because of that famous Latino lag time It probably won't happen for 10 or 20 years. And where's it gonna start? Well, of course in those expensive upscale helicopter

[04:53] Universities with the entitled children of the rich who are extreme gringo wannabes Oh, and you should know that Latinos who are watching the news coming out of the first world They're totally confused about this cancel culture woke thing that's happening up by you and the lgb GT BLM stuff They roll their eyes and are thoroughly confused on that count, too I've talked to quite a few Latinos myself and I had to explain to him what that new alternate definition in the first world Of what the word woke means and I'll tell you once I'm done explaining it to him They gave me that look. Well, you know it you're joking, right? They say in Spanish, of course, you've got to be me and I'll tell you it takes way too long to explain the nuances to anyone So when they asked me about being woke and what that cancel culture thinks all about I tell them it's complicated

[05:45] Stupid a waste of energy and you don't want it to come to a town near you And I usually end up by saying I can't tell you how glad I am to be living here in Latin America So all you guys and gals out there who are on the fence who need permission for everything Well, I'm giving it to you. Come on down But if you happen to be woke go ahead and move to Mexico or Costa Rica, but please stay out of my hood Meanwhile on the Latin American co-videa front You've heard me mention in recent past shows that I've postponed my seminar That is till dr. Falsy and those who idiots and that human slug Bill Gates give the word That the world has heard immunity and you know when that happens and it will co-videa testing will be no longer necessary Because you know every bacterial and viral disease does eventually reach herd immunity

[06:32] Then no more testing because at that point the virus will have made its way through the majority of people on earth In other words most will test positive Thus no need for the shish kebab stick up your nose treatment. By the way speaking of co-videa testing Did you hear the recent news out of the UK just this week? Let me quote this exactly for you. So there's no mistake about it It's from the British rag the Guardian. It says regulators in Britain have given the green light to a 22nd co-videa rapid test the products distributor revealed this on late Friday March 26 2021 then it says the 22nd ultra-rapid test known as viral ends has been already piloted at Heathrow Airport and has proved very successful It utilizes a swab on the cheek instead of a stick up your nose. I'm reading this here

[07:21] It says the virulence company said there'll be a wide rollout of the test in the coming months and accordingly It's about ninety seven point one percent accurate Meaning it'll have very few false positives as compared to the traditional PCR tests now on the same theme You might remember about a month ago I was talking about the fact that I was at a resort and they had a little clinic right on the premises that offered free Shish kebab stick up your nose PCR tests because people need to have a negative PCR test to fly back to the states in Europe That's why many hotels are offering it on premises to lure people that may have been afraid before To come to the resort now last week you heard me mentioned that I saw a Russian guy test positive and all hell broke loose Because now the guy was stuck at the resort for at least 10 days until he tested negative and the guy was with his wife

[08:11] Too and she tested negative. So what then happens to her while the guy remains quarantined in his hotel room for 10 days Anyway, you've probably been seeing in the news that loads and loads of people have been going to Mexico Cancun Playa del Carmen Tulum and lots of other resort areas They become very popular with gringos up in the states who just can't take it anymore They've got cabin fever and they want to get the hell out for a week or two and since when you arrive in Mexico It's one of the few countries that doesn't require a PCR test or any kind of cold video test on arrival Well, that's sort of gave a pretty good boost to tourism And though the tourist numbers are not nearly up to as high as they were before a covid yet At least the majority of resorts have enough occupancy now so that they can stay open and not run at a loss

[08:57] So anyway, people are wondering what happens if you're let's say stuck in Cancun and you test positive And you're supposed to go back to the United States the next day Well, here's yet another boots on the ground account of exactly that situation Let me highlight this case for you and I'll paraphrase this and cut out the boring parts as usual the article starts 30-year-old US citizen Corey Mudd grew concerned when the hotel manager and other officials Pulled up in front of his resort hotel room and started wiping down the door and handles and stuff He said they asked me if it was my room and I said yes Then they delivered the bad news Mr. Mudd's co-videa test taken that morning at the hotel so he could board his flight back home to Michigan Turned out to be positive yet. He felt no symptoms at all

[09:45] even so it was bad news because the manager said to him he had to pack up and move to another room for mandatory isolation an Hour later after whisked to his new room His wife who had tested negative was given the choice of staying in their casita at the resort hotel or moving into a room Next door to her husband in a quarantine wing of the Riviera Maya Resort Hmm. Did you know that hotels and resorts in tourist areas have quarantine wings now as For his wife. She selected the room in the quarantine wing next to her new husband All that happened on the fifth day of their week-long honeymoon in Riviera Maya outside Cancun now The good news is if there's any good news at all

[10:30] Mexican resort officials are reporting that only about one half of one percent of hotel guests Test positive the day before they're supposed to go back home to the US or Europe That means about one out of two hundred guests will test positive on that last day before they leave and thus we'll have to remain Behind for 10 to 14 days until they test negative problem is no one ever goes to a resort alone They bring a significant other or come with a group or a party So for example, if it's a party of four and one person test positive, there'll be three other people stuck in limbo, too So the odds are pretty good that it won't happen to you But again, if you're traveling you do have to ask yourself. Do you feel lucky? Anyway, just thought it was important for you to know about that. Oh and speaking of Mexico, which you longtime listeners

[11:18] No, I don't recommend for a permanent plan B destination though It's a nice place to visit especially since they've got all those nice package deal resort vacation And sure you can find lots of nice little gringo eyes Pockets in Mexico where you really don't have to learn any Spanish at all though Then you're talking about gringo prices and by the way, you know, even in those famous resort towns like Tulum Cancun Cozumel Playa del Carmen, etc, etc The gangs the narcos and the bad boys have their eyes set on you wealthy gringos You know and look out especially since they're legalizing marijuana in Mexico within the next couple months And thus the narcos will be scrambling to top off their depleted coffers, but you knew that already, right? Anyway, how about this for good news out of Mexico this week's news coming out March 30th. The headline is Mexican officials

[12:09] Condemned the weekend killing of another mayoral candidate Hmm, but is that such a bad thing? Hey, you know down here in Latin America politicians are Bumped off and disappeared all the time and if you doubt that here's the stats and here's a quote from the same article It says political analysts in Mexico said Monday that 18 Candidates have been killed so far in the run-up to the June midterm elections. Do you get that? 18 senatorial and mayoral candidates bumped off just this year now Some people might think that's just terrible. But as for me, I'd say it's a good start Hey, I figure what's not to like about eliminating a few thieving parasitic sociopaths But that's just me same thing goes when narcos kill narcos

[12:57] I mean, come on who but their mamas shed any tears, huh? Oh and in other Latin American political news, you gotta love this turns out last week in Ecuador There was a televised presidential debate in the run-up to presidential elections Which take place on April 11th the two principal candidates andres a ruse and Guillermo lasso Went at it on TV and here's the part you gotta love lasso called a ruse a liar 12 times in the debate. Yep. He pulled no punches. He called him a bold-faced liar 12 separate times He didn't tiptoe around this subject. He didn't say that a rose misspoke had bad information or was misinformed He didn't weenie out like American candidates doing debates instead

[13:42] He called him a liar a dozen times on national television. You gotta love it Of course, he's stained too. All politicians are liars and sociopaths He's just a kettle calling another kettle black But at least you know, some of them are honest about being dishonest if that makes sense Alright now from my crazy ass boots on the ground story for this week Turns out a gringo expat friend of mine wanted me to help him locate a hyperbaric chamber You know those hyperbaric chambers are used for all kinds of things these days You know, it infuses oxygen into your system good for burn and stroke victims Skin lesions and for guys like Michael Jackson, basically it accelerates the healing process So for whatever reason lots of people who are into health and fitness They're on board with doing time in a hyperbaric chamber now until this expat buddy of mine's request

[14:31] I'd never even seen one of them though I've been at many Latin American hospitals and clinics where I've seen signs that say we have a hyperbaric chamber here So it took me all of around 10 minutes hunting around on the internet to locate a place that had one fact Is this particular clinic had four of them. It was a hyperbaric clinic. That's all they did there It was all about hyperbaric treatments. So he phoned him up made an appointment I tagged along the first reason being he didn't speak any Spanish and secondly I wanted to see what kind of setup they had what kind of machines etc and just how they did the treatments All right. So we walked in the main room There were four hyperbaric chambers in a row all of them very high quality Look like they weighed a few thousand pounds each made in Germany

[15:16] You know if there is such a thing as good better and best hyperbaric chambers, you know made in China versus made in Mexico Versus made in Germany, man, this was top shelf all the way They must have been pretty new too since they all had flat screen TVs in them So you could search the web or watch Netflix while you were getting your our treatment Alright, so far so good. But here's what makes this a real interesting kind of off-the-wall boots on the ground story So we sat down in that room my buddy waiting his turn There were three other people ahead of us sitting and waiting in chairs like we were but these weren't ordinary people with ordinary conditions They were three thirty something young ladies from the United States. Actually, there were three US citizens of Latina extraction with perfect English meaning they were born up in the States or

[16:02] Maybe came to the States when they were very very young because you know The only way you can learn a language without a trace of an accent is to be born in that particular country or Immigrate before you're something like 13 or 14 years old after that forget about it. You're stuck with an accent So anyway, my buddy's turn came he got in the chamber an hour in small talk in English with the ladies You know the usual how do you do's? Where do you come from? I different luxury. How'd you get down here? How'd you find this place? Etc, etc But you know It was really hard to keep a straight face while asking those questions because all three of those ladies were wearing those corset like Liposuction compression garments, you know what I'm talking about those post surgical garments that ladies have to wear after they've had some lipo or other nips and tux So there I was sitting for an hour with three ladies. I didn't know they were all bruised and battered

[16:52] That's what that kind of surgery does to you with two of those ladies carrying around drainage bags Whoa, you know to drain off the excess fluids after surgery now That kind of thing might be familiar to you if you've had some of that kind of surgery yourself Or someone in your close family has had it But here's the strange part when I asked him how they ended up here in Latin America getting that surgery done They said medical tourism websites that they'd searched the net up where they live two of them lived in New Jersey one in Miami And they found they could get the cosmetic surgery done for a third of the price of surgery in the US Including the airfare and the extra week. They'd have to stay down to get the follow-up checks and Including a couple of one-hour sessions in a hyperbaric chamber. That was a new one on me Well, you learned something new every day, which again is supposed to aid greatly with healing reduced swelling and scarring, etc

[17:43] Here's the thing these three ladies didn't know each other But they had the same surgeon because they all found him on the internet by searching for medical tourism So naturally I asked him if they'd rate the experience for me Well, all three of them praised their doctor and the work He did apparently there were lots of people getting work done by this guy and they saw the results in the waiting room of the doctor's Office they were amazed how good the end results were however, and this is a big however that medical tourism package It included a week at a kind of a convalescent home where they had a couple of nurses on staff looking after you Meals provided and all that and all three of the ladies said that place was pretty horrible. They didn't like the food They said it was terrible and get this They said the water at the place wasn't on 24-7 only about eight to ten hours a day Hmm sound familiar you long-term listeners have heard me squawk about municipal water in Latin America many times haven't yet

[18:33] It's almost never on 24-7. That's why most people with a few bucks have cisterns anyway worse yet They said there was no hot water in the place, you know for showers and stuff and their garments They said, you know those post-operative corsets those compression garments Well, they said those things would get saturated with blood and fluids Especially in the first two or three days and they only did laundry every couple of days So the situation wasn't pretty and I asked them would they do it again? And they all said yes, they would except they'd skip the week at the assigned home They'd bring down a caretaker a family member and book a hotel or resort nearby for the following week So in any event that cosmetic surgery package deal these three Latina slash gringo ladies hooked up with in their home states in the US. Well, they said the surgery part was fine

[19:22] It was the follow-up that sucked then again They found their surgeon and that package deal by hit and miss on the internet So then what's my advice? Well, if you're looking to get any kind of elective surgery or dental work done I've got a nice network of vetted medical professionals here. I can hook you up with again I have to tell you I make nothing from this I get no kickbacks for recommending any of these people Oh, and by the way, my fully bilingual seminar logistics lady and girl Friday, hmm Am I gonna get canceled for saying that girl Friday? I guess not as long as you could transpose it and say boy Friday once in a while Hmm, that sounds pretty gay, doesn't it? Anyway, my seminar logistics lady's father is a well-known surgeon in Guatemala Plus we're connected with a number of first-world hospitals and clinics

[20:07] So if you're think about going the medical tourism route Just shoot me an email the expert files at gmail.com and I'll hook you up now on that subject I have to tell you I do get some rather negative mail from Surgeons and doctors in the United States when I talk about any of this kind of stuff because you know It's cutting into their territory their profit margins, right? They don't want to hear about patients leaving the States and getting their work done in Latin America or anywhere else in the world In fact in an upcoming show I'll be reading some emails from doctors who don't at all like what I have to say about medicine up in the States and The way medicines practice down here that includes the stem cell thing. So stay tuned for that speaking of emails Here's one that needs to be commented on is from Marty. He says good morning, Johnny Could you please send me your water filtration system info the one for your under counter system?

[20:57] That's got pictures to the thing is you already sent it to me a while back and I was keeping it for when I move So we moved yesterday and now I can't find your email with the details anymore. Sorry for asking again truly appreciate all you do my friend We're in Ontario, Canada Just moved to a very small house from our previous 2800 square foot home We're downsizing to the core this year planning to move south of south of the border next year after the kids are gone So looking forward to it. And yes, I do worry about all the changes coming up with the covid it things, etc So keeping my fingers crossed and I'll still be able to escape without jumping too many barriers and fences Cheers for now Marty. All right, Marty I'll send you that stuff but I just wanted to comment that I read an article just yesterday an analysis of a compilation of data from

[21:48] Various municipal water supplies throughout the United States now I know Marty you're from Canada and it probably applies to you too, but they're saying in this article that 69% of all the municipal water supplies in the United States are Contaminated with fecal. Yes fecal bacteria. Hey, that's good news, huh? Especially if you're on board with the new fecal that is poop pill capsules being prescribed by Gastrointestinal specialists. It's the newest innovation these days. I'm sure you've heard about it Disgusting as it sounds it's for the treatment of various Disintestinal problems infections and microbiome issues. Gee, that would mean that 69% of people who are on municipal water in the states are getting that fecal bacterial treatment whether they know it or not. Hmm

[22:36] Yuck, but seriously if you don't purify your water at home Well, I don't know what to tell you and if you're saying, you know, city water is bad You drink bottled water then you haven't done much investigating into bottled water either that stuff's got its own set of problems Besides the fact it's sitting in plastic bottles for sometimes months at a time And if the Sun ever hits it millions of plastic molecules leech right into that water and don't tell me you haven't figured that out Already, you know what? I mean next time you get in your car and reach for that half-empty bottle of water sitting in the cup holder Tell me when you take that first swig that it doesn't taste like a mouthful of plastic That's why I've put together my own system for under a hundred bucks that completely eliminates any and all of those problems Again, and I've repeated this often if you want my setup send me an email to expat files at gmail.com

[23:26] I'll send you the setup and pictures of what it looks like Oh and in the photo, you'll see it has three canisters each one costs about 15 bucks And they're attached to each other with three quick disconnects That way you can change or clean the filters when necessary usually within six months to a year And if you're gonna move it takes about three minutes to disconnect the whole system and bring it to your new place All right changing gears a bit, you know, if you're thinking about moving to Colombia Here's a quick email from Lincoln in Colombia He says Johnny Colombia has always been on my sights as an expat plan B since my wife's from Colombia I met her in the States something like 10 years ago and she convinced me It would be the best move possible to get out of the United States and go to Colombia Especially since our pensions and Social Security coming up will kick out over

[24:11] $3,500 a month. My wife tells me and I've heard you say this to Johnny that a couple could live rather nicely in most Places in Latin America for 25 or $30,000 a year that fits well within our Social Security and pension Perspective payoff so Johnny I've been down to Colombia a couple times in the last few years with the wife visiting with her relatives and such and scouting out Real estate and I found you're right Johnny prices over the last three or four years have really shot up, especially in Bogota and Medellin They're almost up to Michigan prices now where I come from. I found out another thing in Colombia They tax global income just like they do in the States and I understand it's the same in Brazil, too they also hit you with a wealth tax based on global assets and

[24:57] Johnny if you don't report your assets and income to the tax authorities That is you try to hide it and they pick up on it later You get find 20% of the value of the unreported assets or income per year plus numerous penalties I wonder how many Americans thinking of escaping to Colombia are even aware of that It's funny back in the Pablo Escobar days It was hell and then a few years later it became a paradise But not anymore Johnny not since the government started expanding and growing out of control Yes, Colombia used to be a paradise, but not anymore However, if you don't live in or near any of the big cities like Cali Bogota in Medellin You could still live a nice calm comfortable rural life pretty much on the cheap

[25:44] But you'll be sacrificing the convenience and amenities of the big city just for your information Johnny signed Lincoln And finally since we're getting towards the end of the show now I have to talk a little bit about the volcanoes that are blowing off in Guatemala right now Yep, there are always volcanoes blowing off somewhere in Central America. It's the volcano belt In fact at my Guatemalan house, there were two active volcanoes within an hour's drive I'm talking fire lava and smokestack plumes and all that now you listeners have heard me say before that as long as you live At least 10 miles from the nearest active volcano You won't be affected much at all, but you'll have a hell of a view especially at night when the top of it's glowing red However, if you live within let's say 10 to 20 miles from a volcano when the wind is blowing just right

[26:32] Sometimes you'll wake up in the morning. It'll be a dusting of ash on your property Just a very light dusting like the tiniest dusting of new fallen snow if you're living up in Detroit or Montreal or Cleveland Here's the thing after 10 years of living in that house It was only two times twice where I woke up to find a dusting of ashes on the property And when that happened my maintenance guy and cleaning lady had their work cut out for him They were both outside with brooms and shovels my maintenance guy on the roof sweeping My cleaning lady in the driveway with a broom But really all you have to do is wait for the next rain and that removes all the remnants However, there's one thing you never want to do that is get in your car If it's covered with ash and hit the windshield wipers and washers because you know that ash is like sandpaper So if you hit the wipers, you'll scratch the living hell out of your windshield glass

[27:21] So don't do that Just hose your car down with water and don't rub on it and it'll be fine though Remember that's only happened to me twice in 10 years, so I wouldn't worry about it Not a problem