Episode Summary
In this episode of The Expat Files, Johnny Mueller dives into the multifaceted experiences of living in Latin America, covering everything from the legal system's inefficiencies to the chaotic yet culturally rich traffic environments. He also touches on the importance of sincerity in communication and the challenges expats face when adapting to local customs.
Johnny begins by introducing the show, which focuses on the experiences of living, working, playing, and retiring in Latin America. He mentions the mix of good, bad, ugly, and great aspects of life there and sets up the episode by referencing his own experiences and the nature of the content, including a segment on the Chicago police system and criminal behavior. He also touches on the idea of the show being a mix of sincere rambling and humor, including a reference to hate mail and the importance of sincerity in communication.
He then discusses the statistical reality of criminal behavior, using George Floyd as a case study to argue that individuals who end up in the news for being abused by the police often have extensive criminal records. He references data from Bob Enstead, suggesting that the average criminal commits 12 crimes before being caught. Johnny argues that the public often overlooks these records when discussing police brutality, and he criticizes the system for not adequately rehabilitating repeat offenders. He also touches on the broader implications of the legal system in Latin America, where wealth can influence legal outcomes.
Johnny then discusses the challenges expats face with the legal system in Latin America, highlighting how the lack of organized addresses and the inefficiency of the court system often lead to cases being dismissed or postponed. He explains that it's common for witnesses and parties to not show up because they weren't properly served, and judges are accustomed to rescheduling cases. Johnny also shares a story about an expat who shot a dog that was raiding his trash, leading to a legal issue with a local farmer. The expat's lawyer used the legal system's delays to avoid appearing in court, and the case eventually stalled. Johnny concludes that while the legal system in Latin America is not fair, having a good lawyer is crucial for expats, as they can navigate the system and avoid jail unless they commit serious crimes.
In this segment, Johnny discusses the challenges expats face when adapting to Latin culture, emphasizing that people in Latin countries rarely change their ways, and that expats must accept them as they are. He highlights the importance of the first year in a new country as a critical period for expats to decide whether to stay or return. The segment also includes an email from Joe Cano, an expat, who shares his frustrations with the chaotic driving conditions in Guatemala, including the lack of driver's education, the inefficiency of traffic enforcers (PMTs), and the absence of common driving etiquette. Johnny adds his own commentary on these issues, suggesting that expats should expect and adapt to these cultural norms.
In this segment, Johnny discusses the chaotic and often lawless nature of traffic in Latin America, particularly in countries like Bolivia. He highlights the lack of enforcement of existing traffic laws, the low pay for police officers, and the resulting inefficiency. Johnny also shares personal anecdotes about driving in the region, including interactions with police and the sense of freedom that comes with the lack of strict enforcement. He contrasts this with the more rigid and rule-bound traffic systems in the United States, where even minor infractions can lead to citations or impoundments. Johnny concludes by expressing a preference for the chaotic but liberating traffic conditions in Latin America over the strictness of the U.S. system.
In this segment, Johnny highlights the strict and often absurd traffic laws in the United States compared to Latin America. He discusses various examples, such as impounding cars for excessive window tinting, fines for not stopping for emergency vehicles, and the lack of enforcement of such laws in Latin America. He also mentions specific fines for minor infractions like having a broken windshield or a missing side view mirror, which are not typically enforced in Latin American countries. Johnny emphasizes the contrast between the strict enforcement of these laws in the U.S. and the more lenient approach in Latin America.
Episode Notes
In this episode of The Expat Files, Johnny Mueller explores the complexities of expat life in Latin America, from the legal system's inefficiencies to the chaotic yet culturally rich traffic environments. He also touches on the importance of sincerity in communication and the challenges expats face when adapting to local customs.
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Topics
Introduction to The Expat Files, The nature of the show's content, The Chicago police system and criminal behavior, Humor and sincerity in communication, Criminal statistics, George Floyd's criminal record, Public perception of police brutality, Legal system in Latin America, Legal system in Latin America, Challenges for expats, Court procedures and delays, Role of lawyers in expat life
Chapters
00:00:00 Opening 00:00:14 Introduction to The Expat Files 00:00:20 The Nature of the Show's Content 00:00:36 Humor and Sincerity in Communication 00:01:02 The Chicago Police System and Criminal Behavior 00:05:47 The Average Criminal's Record 00:05:55 What Does This Have to Do With Anything? 00:06:39 George Floyd's Arrest Record 00:10:07 The Color of Crime in Chicago 00:10:22 The Legal System in Latin America 00:11:21 Challenges of Legal System in Latin America 00:11:46 Strategies to Avoid Court Appearances 00:14:11 Fairness of Legal System and Role of Lawyers 00:16:24 Permanent Change is Rare in Latin Culture 00:16:50 The First Year is Crucial for Expats 00:21:37 The Chaos of Traffic in Latin America 00:22:18 The Need for Traffic Enforcement 00:23:30 Freedom and the Lack of Rules 00:26:28 Impounding Cars for Window Tinting 00:26:34 Fines for Not Stopping for Emergency Vehicles 00:26:43 Lack of Enforcement of Emergency Vehicle Laws in Latin America 00:26:55 Strange Traffic Laws in the U.S. 00:27:10 Fines for Minor Vehicle Issues in the U.S. 00:27:25 Contrast in Enforcement of Vehicle Laws
Transcript
Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.
[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came up to play and now I wonder Hello there all you ex-pat wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started Yeah, it's me. Johnny Mueller again with another half hour of sincere rambling And you know as someone smarter than me once said sincerity is everything if you can fake that you've got it made Now before we get down to Latin American business and maybe even hit the hate mail bag again
[00:49] Hey, you won't believe how many people like that hate mail. I've been reading lately Well, maybe they don't actually like it or agree with it, but they like that. I read those things. They find them amusing All right. Now. Here's something that's sure to amuse you and probably sicken you too It's something I never mentioned before but now that the lamestream media news and the BLM fools and the woke crowd are so intent On bringing down and gutting local law enforcement agencies I just thought I really had to tell you this story, but it needs a little background So here it is way back when I was living in Chicago My next door neighbor was a byline reporter for the Chicago Tribune. His name was Bob Enstead He recently passed away too bad was a very nice guy. He was a very famous news reporter for the Chicago trip He was a roving correspondent traveled all over the world
[01:34] In fact, he was away so much he gave me the keys to his house and I'd feed his cat when he was away He also wrote a best-selling book I brought the Brock Candy heiress who was murdered in her mansion in a Chicago suburb. You remember Brock Candies, right? B-r-a-c-h made really good chocolates. Anyway, it was a big scandal in the Chicagoland area way back when but they never found the murderer But he told me he knew who he was but the cops didn't have enough to convict him. It was her chauffeur I know that's a cliche, but it was her chauffeur and when she got bumped off and this is so cliche too He showed up in her will and got a ton of money. Anyway, my buddy Bob Enstead was very cynical about the court system I know I know what else is new but listen to this He said when he first got hired on to the Chicago Tribune as a cub reporter He said you had to pay your dues
[02:21] You had to take the lowliest of low jobs for the first two or three years And that was to hang out at the Chicago City Courthouse from the moment it opened in the morning And sit there through all the hearings. They called it the court beat and his job was weeding out the interesting bits Firing them off to the editor if they were newsworthy And here's what he told me now remember. This is 30 something years ago He said he got to know all the cops on the court beat all the bailiffs all the judges all the usual suspect Criminal defense and prosecuting attorneys too. He knew him by name He saw him every day and he said he got to know about 150 career criminals Repeat offenders he'd see all the time. So he knew him by name It was like a revolving door of criminal losers He said a group that just kept on committing crimes and getting caught and getting arraigned Over and over again for breaking and entering shoplifting fencing stolen goods drunken disorderly assault spousal abuse, etc, etc
[03:15] He said they weren't a gang. They were just separate criminals doing their thing getting caught They weren't connected to each other in any way They were just criminals who got caught and he said the guys that kept getting arrested and arraigned over and over again Became sort of friends He'd sit down with him buy him a pastry and a cup of coffee and hear their stories Pump them for information about what's really happening on the streets and such so bob became a real court beat expert He knew everybody's personal stories from the cops to the criminals to the judges The lawyers even the janitors and he said after about a month or two He began to see a very different picture of the events going on there As opposed to what the public believes about criminals and the legal system He told me that he put together a notebook names of criminals crimes number of appearances in court sentences, etc
[04:01] He said it took an average back then of six arraignments for six different offenses before a guy did one day in jail So a criminal would walk five out of six times. Of course, you get probation or counseling whatever But think of those numbers the average chicago criminal could robber assault six people steal six cars break and enter into six Businesses or households or any mix of the above before he ever got one day of jail time and that first jail sentence was almost always 30 days and then according to his numbers That same criminal once he's out of jail would have to commit three more crimes on average To get a second jail sentence and that second jail sentence was generally around six months Now that does not sound like a very strict fair or efficient system, doesn't but here's the worst part now
[04:50] Remember my reporter buddy is friends with dozens and dozens of cops who he sees on a daily basis down there and he's talking Drinking coffee and having donuts with him every day and in time he came up with some more conclusions He came up with some data showing the average number of times a bad guy in chicago could commit a crime Before he's actually caught that's quite different than the number of criminal acts a guy performs We're talking about how many criminal acts a guy commits before he actually gets caught by the cops and that number turned out to be 12 In other words the average criminal in chicago We're talking about average now because you know criminals come in a range There's lots of really smart ones and average ones and really stupid ones, too And the smart ones don't get caught much at all, especially if they work alone or they go into politics That's especially true in chicago our most famous example. Oh vomit
[05:39] So again, according to the dozens and dozens of cops bob enstead interviewed The average criminal has to commit 12 crimes like battery assault theft Extortion breaking and entering car theft, whatever or any combination of crimes before he got caught charged in a rain So what's this got to do with anything? Well, just think for a second about those poor black guys and girls who've been in the news lately have been getting brutally abused by cops whether it's george floyd or that guy in canosha or that 350 pound girl who was wielding a knife who got killed by that cop. Well, you know in all those cases Their past criminal records, you know rap sheets show up in the news Which kind of bleeds away some of the sympathy they received at first recall all of george floyd's crimes and all the years He spent in prison. Well, here's what people always miss
[06:26] In fact, they never think about it because they don't know the statistics now if you do the numbers for george floyd I'm not picking on him It's just that he's made the biggest splash in the news and his family, you know got an 11 million dollar settlement And they say crime don't pay anyway, according to police records george floyd was arrested a total of nine times in his life Mostly on drug theft and robbery assault charges now if he was an average criminal according to bob insted stats 12 crimes committed before a person gets caught and he got caught nine times that works out to 108 crimes committed of course, that's all approximated and we're assuming he's an average guy I think actually more of a low iq moron, but I could be wrong He always wanted to be a rapper Maybe he could have been the next kanye and I could have been the next thor god of thunder. Hey, anything's possible, right?
[07:16] And of course i'm using statistics obtained from the chicago police department and court records, but you get the idea, right? That's why bob insted told me over and over again He said you could cut a guy some slack if he's only been arraigned once that means statistically He probably only committed 12 crimes before getting caught and that's a lot But he just might turn himself around, you know, get a cool hobby or career or find jesus Whatever, but he said if a guy's been arraigned in front of a judge for different crimes two or more times Unless it's for nickel and dime marijuana charges It's a known fact down at the courthouse that guy is a career criminal a guy who's done Nothing good for society a guy who in fact preys on weaker members of society and absolute menace. I know I know i'm Well aware that's an un-pc thing to say since psychologists and psychiatrists and parole officers will try to tell you otherwise
[08:05] That's their job to try to rehabilitate these guys. Yeah, right. How's that working for you? Again, let me lay those facts on you So you have them on hand next time you get into a discussion with a bleeding heart woke person Who wants to open the prison doors and let all those poor souls out though? I'm all for letting people out who got minor drug crimes. That is completely logical So then what's the moral of this story? Well next time you read in the news that some poor soul white black red or green was abused by the cops Before you think about the injustice of it all just wait until they publish his rap sheet And take the number of times he was arraigned in court times 12 and you'll know what kind of menace to society that you're dealing with Instead though as in the case of george floyd They get canonized as saints become icons and role models
[08:51] You know when I was a small kid My role models were hank aaron and mickey mantle They were my george floyd's hmm And like bob anstead said many years ago when you read about cops using excessive force Just remember what's going on in the back of most cops minds when they pick up a guy Who's already got a hefty rap sheet and has committed violent crimes with a gun They know they're not dealing with mother tereza, of course that never justifies killing someone or even excessive force or abuse Men i'll tell you being a cop in the states these days has got to be one of the least Fulfilling jobs in the world like bob anstead said to me After a while every wide-eyed green rookie cop becomes jaded when he sees how the system really works how his cases get chewed up And spit out in court you become cynical or worse worse yet
[09:36] He said the vast majority of them become totally indifferent and just wait for that pension You know when they first start pretty much all cops think they're going to make a difference That's what the majority of rookies say when they're interviewed for the police academy. It's a shame that most turn cynical or Indifferent and indifferent cops are not good cops And bob anstead told me that more than 30 years ago when the world was still halfway normal Even in chicago and since then, you know chicago's become the weekend big city murder capital of the world now take a guess What color 98 percent of the bodies are that end up in the morgue and guess what color the mayor is? What a useless cancerous slug. She is though as usual I could be wrong I know. I know a lot of you are thinking what the hell does it have to do with latin america johnny
[10:22] Well, the latin american legal system is twisted in its own particular way Meaning if you've got money you can buy your way out of practically anything now You just might hate that concept and think it's corrupt as sin But the thing is if you've got money down here You can cut through the red tape like a hot knife through butter on the other hand if you've got money You could clog up the legal system So completely if that's the result you're looking for you could stop a case from ever reaching its conclusion In fact, i've known quite a few instances where a lawsuit has been scheduled canceled rescheduled cancelled, etc Etc for so long that some years down the line when the case finally gets heard It's so out of sight and out of mind It's impossible to reconstruct the case completely and even impossible to round up the witnesses final result case dismissed
[11:10] Now just like in the states when you go to court whether you're the plaintiff or the defendant people witnesses and stuff will have to be Served with the proper registered papers that say to show up on the state etc Well, the thing is you see in latin america the neighborhoods houses and house numbers aren't exactly organized on a nice little grid and one of the biggest problems the courts have is Finding them and serving them papers and that's why so often on the appointed court date Some of the witnesses and principal players just might not show and it's not because they're threatened or anything like that It's just they never were handed the court order or never got the subpoena And that by the way is one of the easiest ways to get a court postponement because the judges are so used to people not showing up They don't even get upset about they just reschedule it usually a few months to six months in the future
[11:58] And when that time comes it just might happen again And your lawyer will know all those tricks if it's necessary to move something way into the future In fact, i know of a gringo expat who lived in a nice house in the boonies and every thursday night When he put his garbage out because friday was garbage day at two or three in the morning He'd hear the dogs ransacking his garbage. So one day he just got sick of it He took his 22 rifle with a scope and plugged one of the dogs then they scattered the wounded one too However, as the story goes eventually the dog made it home and died there and the owner a small-time farmer six or seven blocks away It knew his dogs were going around ransacking people's garbage at night And when the dog came back with a bullet in him He figured it was the gringo because he heard the shot and knew the gringo was the only guy around with a 22
[12:44] Well, the farmer called the cops it came about a day later He named the gringo as the chief suspect the cops went over to the gringo's house He told the cleaning lady to tell him he wasn't there So she did but they asked her if he had guns and she said yeah, I think so Well, the gringo called his latin lawyer and they had a little meeting There was a court date set some months in the future and naturally the gringo panicked He was a stranger in a strange country. He didn't speak spanish, but the lawyer told his gringo client. Don't worry about it He'd never have to appear in court So as it turned out the lawyer told the judge that the gringo couldn't appear because he was out of the country Even though he wasn't so the judge postponed the case for two more months Meanwhile, the lawyer found a witness who he had in reserve in case they had to go to court His job was to lie and say he and the gringo were on a chartered boat deep sea fishing in another part of the country
[13:34] In other words, he was a couple of hundred kilometers away from his home when the incident happened Well as it turned out they never had to use that fake witness because you see there were already two postponements It was more than six months after the fact and when the lawyer showed up in court with his witness in reserve the farmer Didn't show up and that's typical after a couple of postponements and false starts unless it's a huge deal People lose interest because every time you go to court You lose at least a half a day out of your life taking off work fighting the traffic etc, etc You just can't imagine how many hundreds and hundreds of court cases each year end up in just that kind of stalemate So again here in latin america as far as lawsuits go the guy with the biggest bankroll almost always wins I know there's nothing fair about that
[14:19] But again in an odd way It's sort of part of your gringo advantage because down here if a lawyer costs you 500 bucks for something For sure if the same thing was going down up in the states your lawyer would cost you at least five grand Oh, and if you're wondering dogs never raided his garbage cans again The question is what happens when a gringo ends up in jail? Well, most of those bad impressions and visions of gringos ending up in a terrible latin jail Come from hollywood movies The thing is if you've got a good latin lawyer You're never going to end up in jail unless you do something really stupid bad or despicable like being a drug mule or Child pornographer then you deserve to be in a latin prison But when it comes to almost anything else Even in some cases homicide your latin lawyer can keep you out of jail And even if for some reason you end up in jail because of some bad luck situation
[15:05] Like for example, it's late at night You're drunk driving and you smash into someone or something like a power pole Well, as long as you can remember to call your lawyer and he picks up that's the important part He's got to pick up. He'll most always have you out of there in a couple hours That's why I have to say that once again one of the most valuable people in your life Once you get down here to latin america will be your lawyer And it's also the perfect reason why you don't want to play musical chairs with lawyers either so find an honest one and stick with and try not to blow your stack when you find out he's on permanent manana time because Almost all of them are and remember there will be things about latino culture You won't life that'll irritate you rub you in the wrong way and the way they handle that is Loosen up because you're never gonna change it You know years ago when my sisters were going through the mating and dating game thing
[15:54] I used to eavesdrop on them when they were having their little powwows They'd inevitably start talking about what they didn't like about their boyfriends, but they'd say I've got a plan I'll get him to change but in the end, you know, that almost never happens unless of course They're confronted with a wife changing event. I mean life changing event. Well that too Normally people don't change you have to accept them as they are get used to it and latin culture doesn't change So get used to that too Just because you think your ways are better or more efficient don't think it's going to transfer by osmosis to them Oh latinos are smart. They learn fast and are adaptable. All right, but permanent change man. Don't count on it No fault of their own. It's human nature Which brings us to this particular email and I want to read it because you've often heard me say that when gringles and expats First get down here on their plan b mission
[16:40] They've got those rose colored glasses on and it takes a couple months before You start seeing the cracks in the wall and you really have to accept them because you can't change them And this is the second report in the continuing saga of our newly arrived expat joe cano Reporting on his trials and tribulations as he slowly but surely blends into latin culture Now you heard me mention on a previous show how when you first get down here, it's all roses It's paradise and then after a couple of months you fall into did I do the right thing kind of slump? And that's the time period that separates the men from the boys whether you're going to go back to the states with your tail between Your legs or you're going to stick it out because if you can make it through the first year for me It was a year Anyway, as long as you haven't run out of money or done something completely stupid or some real emergency up in the states
[17:26] Drags you back there. You're hooked and you'll be here forever So let's check in with joe and see how he's adapting the things that happen to him will happen to you You know when you come down here get that plan b going you'll have many of the same experiences. So pay attention Okay, he starts off saying joe cano here again and as requested I have some bad news for you to go along with the good news. I gave you in the last email So today i'm reporting on some particularly irritating gringo moments So in my last email, I was gushing about how much I loved guadamala I've been down here four months now, remember and I do love guadamala, but nothing is perfect You know at the risk of sounding petty though One thing that really gets to me about guadamala is the effing terrific Johnny I get the impression that there's no such thing as driver's education down here at all
[18:12] Or driver's tests or driver's etiquette or logic It doesn't help either that the roads were designed with only the slightest amount of thought And that there are traffic enforcers called pmts. That would be the police transit though transit police Or as captain mangle calls those guys out in the streets trying to direct traffic pmts The preventing the movement of traffic guys As for me i've discovered I can smell a pmt cop from a mile away Oddly, they smell like parked cars and diesel fumes. All right me johnny here I can smell a pmt guy a mile away too or rather I got a sense that they're close by every time i'm stuck in a bottleneck that doesn't have an apparent cause When it doesn't have an apparent cause you can bet the cause will be those pmt transit cops because I swear to god
[19:00] They always make a traffic jam all that much worse It really would be to everyone's advantage if they eliminated them all together. They're beyond useless Don't worry when you come down. You'll find that out All right Then joe says since there's no driver's education driving tests or logic Those three factors on top of the ton of people and those dreaded chicken buses everywhere makes for an awful lot of wasted time So you better have a podcast an audiobook or your favorite music along with you to pass the time because time will pass Now i'm not from a big city he says so the traffic is maybe a little bit more irritating for a guy like me But the fact that it could be alleviated quite easily with some simple changes really is the thing that gets to me for example Turn signals don't mean anything here If you put your turn signal on people will continue accelerating and be surprised and a bit irritated when you change lanes
[19:50] But if you put your arm up the window and shake your hand in a very effeminate fashion They'll know exactly what you're trying to do change lanes I suppose that's because half the cars on the road have their turn signal bulbs burnt out So when a turn signal actually works, it's like crying wolf Now whether they let you merge or let you in the lane or not is another thing which leads me to my next gripe What I call zippering in it doesn't exist here You know in heavy traffic when people are entering the highway from an on-ramp How if you make a little room and let just one person merge in front of you and the next person merges behind you The traffic kind of keeps flowing along. Well, that doesn't happen here You have to fight for every millimeter and force your way in and some people will just not let you in
[20:36] It's kind of a war. It's crazy. I like to roll my windows down Put on a big smile wave and forcefully wish them a nice afternoon It makes them feel uncomfortable and the other drivers just kind of laugh All right, me johnny throwing my two pesos and you know It's part of the latin culture the macho thing. Where do you think the term mexican standoff came from? Then he says the concept of slower traffic keeping to the right just doesn't exist here It's more like slower traffic just does what it wants Another thing that creates a lot of traffic that could easily be fixed is the unwritten rule down here that anything is permitted As long as your hazard lights are flashing. That's one way to worm in anywhere Oh, and if you need to tow another car in broad daylight on the pan american highway at five miles an hour with just a rope
[21:21] Go ahead You'll never get pulled over and remember the pan american highway is the busiest highway in all of latin america like that matters Oh, and if a chicken bus wants to stop in the middle of the road to pick up a passenger And they never hit the hazard lights, you know, no problem. That's life Do you need to block one lane of a two-lane road during rush hour so you can run into the store? Maybe happens all the time now changing those few things alone would tremendously improve things But i'm not holding my breath then he says I could go on for quite a bit longer But I really don't enjoy being so negative It's best to just enjoy the altiplano weather and not think about it anymore. All right, joe. It's me again You know joe every single gringo expat once they've been down here for five months They all come up with a short list with some very simple changes to make the traffic and the transit system
[22:10] Infinitely better. I came up with the same list. I remember after the first couple of months down here I thought the simplest and easiest way For every latin american country to completely balance their budget and have no debt at all in no time Would be for cops to write up cars trucks buses and motorcycles When they violated traffic or safety laws that they already have on the books No additional laws or legislation necessary. Just please enforce existing traffic rules, but they never do You'll see you can stand on a street corner here for 10 minutes and notice Dozens of violations american cops would ticket anyone for but it's not done here It sounded so simple until I realized that almost no cops in latin america own their own car That means they themselves don't even know their own traffic laws. How could they sure?
[22:58] There's a traffic rule book somewhere though. I don't know anyone who's ever seen one Cops don't study that stuff. Some of them can barely read Come on to really know the traffic laws yourself You have to own a car and be in the thick of it and the cops make between five and 800 bucks a month Not enough to own a car All right Then joe says johnny there are some very funny things about driving here too One thing I really get a kick out of is passing the cops going really fast There are no rules and as you say they don't have the gas to chase you They just set up those checkpoints, but I don't have to worry about getting pulled over When I find a nice empty stretch of road like a bypass going to the lake I can go as fast as I want I'm a third generation racer and i'm comfortable at much higher speeds than the average guy There's a big sense of freedom down here and once you get used to the rules of the road here
[23:45] That is that there are none You discover there's a strange flow to the way things work here Even if things only sort of work now about those checkpoints where the cops will pull you over When i'm not in a hurry i'll actually stop when they point at me Which seems to be happening to me more than the average guy then i'll just roll down my window and smile They'll do their routine in rapid fire spanish and i'll start on mine and slow confused. No ablo espanaca I got that one from captain mango, by the way The look on the cops faces is always priceless if they don't let me go right then and there I'll respond back to them in rapid fire english with a slight surfer accent for reference I'm from california. Please don't hold that against me. I'm not one of those
[24:31] So I can speak very quickly with a very good surfer dude accent and when they ask that question Borta armas, are you carrying a gun which is what they ask all the time? I look confused and point to my arms They get so frustrated. They almost always just wave me right through which makes me laugh. Who else could get away with that? Anyway, john, even though i'm a bit harsh in this email about the traffic stuff I'd rather sit in traffic here all day than spend a minute in the good old ussa signed joe kay Well, thanks for that joe Just one more thing about that phrase porta armas now. That's something you'll hear every time you get pulled over porta armas now Where is that gonna happen up in the states? Maybe south side of chicago or detroit, you know, cop pulls you over and says Do you have a gun? You know when you first get pulled over it's kind of a shocking opening line, isn't it? Not high
[25:20] Can I see your license? Have you got a gun? Well get used to it though It is true you ladies out there if you get pulled over the cops will never ask you that question How sexist is that at least any woke retards listening will be thinking that but really the cops are just playing the odds They're subconsciously stereotyping and profiling people. What was that? Why those sexist profiling? Stereotypers said the woke retired cancel them. I'm calling my lawyer But seriously when driving you'll just be amazed with what you can get away with and as much as you might dislike the chaos The terrible way they've designed their roads the laziness the stupidity and inefficiency of the cops Just remember in the states They'll pull you over and ticket you for things like having a little air freshener tree hanging from your rearview mirror
[26:06] Don't believe it get this maryland court data shows more than 1400 citations last year for people driving down the highways with junk Dangling from the rearview mirror now down here in latin america. It's so different You won't have to ditch that bobbing head jesus or that magnetic dashboard st. Christopher statue You know, that's always been the old standby patron saint of travelers Yeah And in the states they'll even impound your car if you've got too heavy a window tinting down here It could be pitch black Oh, and there's that little 500 to a thousand dollar fine in the states for not pulling over for emergency vehicles or stopping When school buses drop off their kids. Well, guess what? They haven't even heard of those laws here in latin america. Nobody but nobody stops for a school bus or an ambulance That's just the way it is and how about getting ticketed for going too slow in the passing lane
[26:53] Such a thing doesn't exist here in latin america There are even some us states where they'll ticket you for having dogs in your car or having what cops consider as Indecorous bumper stickers. You can't even have a bumper sticker that says The government it's a 200 fine in south carolina Did you know in the states it's a 500 fine for not having a working light bulb over your license plate and try driving around in The states with a cracked or broken windshield That'll be a 500 fine and they'll tow your car if it's a big enough crack And if you're missing a side view mirror, it's broken That's a huge fine in the states whereas here in latin america half of the police cars Have burnt out lights missing mirrors and broken windshields You've been listening to the expat files living in latin america If you need some help with your own plan b we can schedule a one-on-one phone or skype consult
[27:41] Just send me an email the expat files at gmail.com And if you want to get on the waiting list for my next week long expat insider seminar in central america Where you're guaranteed to get a two to five year head start on your plan b. Send me an email the expat files at gmail.com nos vamos