#1070 – The Expat Files: Cultural Insights, Facial Hair Trends, and Tesla’s Legacy

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came up to play and now that I wonder Hello there all you ex-pat wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started All right, I said Sullivan would say we have a really big shoe for you today Though really how many of you actually remember old Eddie Sullivan? I can date myself when I say we all sat around and watched the Beatles first performance on Ed Sullivan in 64

[00:45] I was a little squait But I remember along with Tiny Tim topo G show and of course those famous plate spinners Whatever happened to those guys. What a way to make a living, huh? Which brings up an interesting point I saw bumper sticker the other day. It said stop making no talent people famous I guess they were referring to the retard Asians and every rapper and regga-thon arrow in existence, too But hey, that's not a modern 21st century phenomena I mean look at Ed Sullivan the biggest variety TV show of all time and the guy had absolutely Zero talent for those of you who remember his delivery was so wooden and so mechanical He just had no flair for anything. So how'd he get the job? Was it nepotism? Who knows before his really big shoe? He was at New York Times columnist Which just goes to show people without an ounce of talent like the biggest smelliest chunks of in the toilet do sometimes flow to the top

[01:38] That's rock-solid rule in politics, by the way, but you knew that already, right? By the way, latinas and latinos have no idea who Ed Sullivan was nor Johnny Carson or Conan or even Oprah They have their own Spanish language hosts and hostesses even more bland and less talented Then most that float to the top of the toilet bowl in the States Which brings us to the point of this little rant the other day I was sitting around with some 20 and 30 something latinas and a handsome 30 something Latino guy with a very nicely trimmed Very short beard the TV was on and tuned to a popular Latin American talk show kind of like a Latin American version of a judge Judy's show hey, you've heard me say this before everything and I mean everything in Latin American media and television is a bad copy of

[02:24] Everything good bad and ugly in American entertainment media So anyway on this show there was the Latin version of Judge Judy and the two people fighting it out in TV court Were a pregnant lady and her mega tattooed ex-boyfriend sporting ass crack pants It was just pathetic by the way That's something that until recently you could never get away with on TV Here are up in the states people supposedly normal people wearing ass crack pants anyway This show was about the usual suspect domestic themes The guy was apparently doing his wife's sister on the side and later they brought her in too And that's when the fireworks started, but who really cares right the thing is the guy in question had a look that drives me nuts He's got no chance of ever growing a real mustache or a beard yet He somehow thinks it's ever so cool to sprout to scraggly facial hairs both fighting with a big old mole for face space to me

[03:17] It's just the most ridiculous thing a guy who's got absolutely no chance of growing a decent mustache or a beard Somehow thinking he's a real man if he just lets his two or three hairs grow wild I mean honestly who does that impress so I said to the three ladies and the handsome Latino guys sitting there Look at that guy's facial hair. Doesn't his wife, girlfriend, or even his mother bother to give him a heads up on how awful that looks I said I would never embarrass myself. That's the reason why I haven't grown a beard or a mustache I've got some spotty patches myself Which is probably a good thing in the long run because a razor blade lasts me a long long time Whereas for a couple of my Italian friends back in Chicago Some of them a while back anyway would complain to me Especially the guys that were executive types and had to suit up and have the corporate look

[04:03] Those guys would tell me what a pain of the ass it was to have to shave in the morning and later around five o'clock You know this five o'clock shadow thing though now at least in the last ten years or so My hair sweet buddies up in the States are living in the glory years because you know the five o'clock shadow thing is all the rage and though it may be scratchy and irritable to us as Exped Eddie says chicks dig it but do they really that's the question I pose to those three latinas and handsome Latino sitting there watching the guy with more moles than hair on his face Stroke in his chin like a philosophy professor and guess what? I don't know if North American ladies feel the same way But these Latina girls agreed a guy who cultivates a spotty or scraggly beard is just not adding any points to his score

[04:49] Though you know millions of guys do it. It's a macho testosterone driven thing Of course though it is surprising to note that ladies don't find it attractive and ironically That's why guys cultivate those things to try to show their manly appeal to the opposite sex now You probably all knew that already however those ladies set me straight on a few things I didn't know for one. They almost all like a nice closely cropped beard, but no neck hair All three of them said why do guys do that they run the neck hair all the way down to the chest hair all three Of them said they really prefer guys who have it trimmed up to the bottom of the jawline and guys sprouting nose and ear hair That was pretty disgusting to all three of the ladies too yep, and during that discussion I remembered the famous words of expat Eddie He said show me a guy with tufts of ear or nose hair

[05:37] And I'll show you a guy whose girlfriend is not in love with them anymore in other words It's a clue expat Eddie says when it comes to guys who can sprout that kind of hair Whether the guys in a good relationship therefore getting lovingly pruned by his better half or Oh, and then the topic got around to chest hair and again all three of them said they don't like it Oh, and another thing that really surprised me all three of them said they don't mind at all If a guy's got a little potbelly not too excessive, but a potbelly is okay according to them a guy loses No points at all if he's a couple of cans short of a six-pack Oh, they like a guy with a six-pack all right, but a guy who doesn't have one has a little potbelly Absolutely a okay. Well that should be good news for I think about 98% of guys Out there so what can we gather from all this well when it comes to Latin American ladies

[06:25] And I think it's probably universally true if you're looking for a leg up in the mating dating and romance department spend less time going for that six-pack and do pay attention to the nose ear and Neck hair and if you can't grow a decent beard don't even think about trying So there you have it another living in Latin America tidbit You're just not gonna read an international living or on any expat blog and now Drum roll, please a word about water filters and solar panels Just kidding now you longtime listeners know that once in a while I make fun of low-budget backpackers and skin flint gringos and expats who make it obvious even brag about pinching panties Well today a longtime listener comes to the defense of expat gringo tightwads

[07:12] In fact he entitles his little tome in defense of the low-budget expat he starts out dear Johnny You've got great practical info-laden shows lately and thanks mucho But as a decade-long listener to your show I might point out one glaring weakness in your podcast You've got a decided intolerance of pretentious know-it-all listener feedback And I've noticed you've got some crusading plan B denialists immune to doing their own basic research Meaning boots on the ground. Maybe it's because they want to make sure their belly buttons are Eternally lint-free and want someone else to do the work I've noticed some people who write to you are braggart sub Morons who are absolutely sure they know it all and have Latin America all figured out that after spending maybe at most

[07:58] Six months in a Latin country though I admit to a slight guilty pleasure to your occasional and usually even-handed skewering of such buffoons Though we've all committed probably more than a few boners in life sometimes too and deserve to be called out on it I notice your listeners seem to span a wide socioeconomic spectrum But I'd like to embolden the lower economic class of folks who listen to you in other words not to get disheartened About trying to pull off a Latin relocation plan a plan B You know what they say that where there's a will there's a way especially if a person is clever enough and well researched I'm a classic example of that He says at age 40. I was medically bankrupted by a case of stage 4 B cancer I survived and therefore went the simple life path after that and stepped off the formal mainstream work path and have lived on a

[08:50] Micro budget now bolstered by a modest Social Security check though that too is soon to be destroyed by government treachery But that's another story Then he says yet I'd migrated to Latin America seven years ago and have lived a contented country life here ever since I've had proper regular dental care the occasional doctor visit at even a surgical operation in my little Altiplano paradise here in Latin America. I've got my van in tip-top shape from a local ace mechanic that I trust I've got a healthy organic diet Inexpensively sourced at local markets and even a well-appointed wood shop for my various projects my country house here Johnny is modest and outfitted with simple but effective systems For example a well a six dollar a month power bill and my rent a whopping

[09:35] 120 bucks a month sure there's goats and driveway chickens give me wake-up calls at sunrise But that's no extra charge and I've got real friendly neighbors while I've seen a good bit of Latin America over the years Mexico has been fine for me so far Even as it slowly slides into a failed state and I know it's not good for the writing on the wall for a long-term living here I could afford residency income requirements in some Latin countries and Choosing to reside in Mexico has required a once every six months border run to Guatemala for a quick in and out To get a fresh new Mexican six-month tourist visa though That too is sadly drawing to a close in Mexico due to a better national database management system Though it is very possible to do that kind of thing and other less developed Latin countries

[10:23] I mean those quickie border runs every 90 or 180 days in short new expats and gringos Coming down and fearing crashing and burning once they're here should be tempered with realizing those chances are minimal if properly planned and executed after all Resources like your show Johnny are out there to lay the groundwork for a successful relocation I admit listening to your podcast a few years before Deciding to drive down with all my worldly possessions was a great benefit that and some other great web contents out there And in my case I did some other Latin American traveling in my wild and woolly youth It's true that the USSA formerly USA is about to be a terminal impact zone It's far better to migrate to the much freer countries south of the border while you still can as far as going to bees

[11:12] wannabes and procrastinators I do have good friends who've delayed retirement in gringo land for fear of the unknown They're uncertain about what lies outside of their cages even though the doors wide open at least for now The same thing goes for the millions of others of plan B fence sitters who just have not or will not pull the trigger So here's to hoping those afraid of not being able to afford a relocation step outside of their cage Here's to hoping they'll see the light and realize down here It's much more free and the quality of life here south of the border is Undeniably better and lastly Johnny. I'd like to finally sing the praises of longtime expat files character expat Eddie After a decade of hearing of his exploits He's now sort of painted solidly in our imaginations from his predilection to sticking it to government slugs and bureaucrats

[12:04] To saving ladies in distress by punching out macho thugs and his own personal hard work rags to riches story in Latin America Beneath Eddie's seemingly tough exterior There's a kind guy who'd most certainly be canceled and dissed by the Twitter mob had he remained up in the States Being the jaded and flawed anti-hero that he is it seems though He always does do the right thing in the end and knows the value of loyalty to his friends But also due to Eddie's apparent overall tendency to anonymity My assessment of him might be total BS who knows Nevertheless has certainly been fun to hear of his tales over the years. That said that's it for today Johnny best wishes from Ocaca, Mexico signed Bob G defender of low-budget expats

[12:52] Well, thanks for that Bob that just might knock a few people off the fence though I'm beginning to think some gonna bees and wannabes have been on the fence so long They've got the top rail of the fence permanently stuck in a crack of their ass and that's not a good look Hmm, you know My good old German mom once told me of a family that she knew they lived on the same block as the Berlin wall on The East German side of Berlin and every once in a while in the dead of the night They'd hear some soft rustling outside knowing people were sneaking through their yard making a break for it Now, of course everyone in that family could see West Berlin, you know, the freeside through the windows They saw the stark difference between a free and highly developed capitalist society and a communist society on the east side

[13:38] Oh that family wanted to escape in a big way, too But in that 40 years the wall existed No one in the family ever took the chance to get the hell out even though in that 40 years They saw hundreds of people risking everything to get on through and they knew how to do it They knew the guard schedules the shift changes the coffee and bathroom breaks They knew which guards were strict and who were lazy asses the way the searchlights work They knew the areas of minimal coverage the dead spots They had a hundred chances to slip out but they never did. Hmm. So many opportunities lost Alright now some very sad news One of my good expat friends who has been down here almost as long as I have just passed away this week now All you guys who came to my earlier expat insider seminars will surely remember him because up to just about three years ago

[14:28] I took everyone from the seminar into his factory. Yeah, I know I know they call him sweatshops down here But believe me his factories were anything but sweatshops my seminar guys and gals remember him as quite a character We'd go into his factory. He'd take us on a tour show us all the things his ladies were making Yep, his factory was about 98% women as it should be He's the one who always told me you have to keep the male Population of workers down to the bare minimum because male workers always bother the ladies. It's that macho gene We've discussed that before anyway, he was quite a guy half Canadian half American, but mostly raised in New York Yep He was one of those garment district guys that came down to Latin America Opened a couple factories and pumped out designer clothes and other items like belts purses bras shoulder pads, etc

[15:15] Anyway, he was a good friend of mine for a long long time And then when this co-videa thing hit we didn't see too much of each other last we spoke was about four months ago Then just a few days ago Bitcoin Dan also a buddy his gave me the bad news in the end It's worth pointing out a few details like most all of us long-term expats He had great insurance and he always had great luck down here with first-world hospitals and clinics for the usual routine general stuff But here's the thing a month or so ago when he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer He thought like most Americans do most Americans living up in the States Anyway, he wanted the best hospital that specialized in cancer and one of the best is Sloan Kettering in New York You've probably heard of it He went there and got radiation and chemo and from what his son tells me they somehow blew a hole in or

[16:02] Screwed up his intestines and he died from that not the cancer So in the end traditional medicine failed him, but he was that kind of guy like most Americans He believed in traditional medicine before the diagnosis He went back to the States and got vax and well, what can I say? We lost a good one there Oh, and by the way, even up to the last time I talked to him a couple months ago He was saying Johnny next time you have a seminar bring him through the factory again He liked seeing my groups as much as they like seeing him He had tons of great stories, especially since over the years he had clothing factories in Jamaica, Honduras, Costa Rica Even early on in the Middle East, but he always swore that the best workers he ever had were Guatemalans Not because they were so much more productive or faster than other Latin Americans But mostly he said because his factories were in the Altiplano

[16:50] He said conditions in the Altiplano were perfect for workers. Thus his factories were always airy and cool He'd say no sweat. No sweatshop unlike factories in Costa Rica, Honduras, Nicaragua police, etc That were smack dab in the tropical heat He said no one could afford to air condition a giant factory in the Sun drenched tropics basically at sea level Under those conditions workers couldn't help but suffer He knew for a fact and he'd say it all the time Guatemalan workers in the Altiplano were the most productive workers He ever had so farewell to a good buddy. He was 65 By the way, he survived by his wife a lady Guatemalan lawyer and one very smart completely bilingual kid a son Who just graduated from a helicopter high school this week on I almost forgot last time I talked to my buddy

[17:37] He told me he was digging through some really old files and out popped an American Express Travelers check for 50 bucks. I thought man does anyone remember travelers checks? They can't still exist He said it expired. It was way beyond its expiration date of about 28 years Hey, I remember using them when I first started traveling around in my 20s Of course, that was before the internet smartphones debit cards even before the massive penetration of credit cards Where every high school graduate got one two or ten in the mail without even applying for them Just fill out the form and we'll send you the card for some reason I never took him up on it, but my buddies did but not me Why because I saw my dad get way over his head in credit card debt. Anyway, we're talking about travelers checks now

[18:24] There is obsolete as pagers. Remember those that's why people who diss Bitcoin and cryptocurrencies make me laugh way back When people said telephones were just a toy for rich people electricity in the days of Tesla, too Oh, and did you know that JP Morgan's personal residence was the first one in all the United States to have electric lights? Radio to they said that was just a toy for rich people as was TV Oh and remember the chairman of IBM once said the world would only need a couple of hundred big computers owned by Governments big banks and such same thing with the internet normal people even intelligent normal people laughed at the internet when it first Came out those telephone modems were so damn slow. By the way, here's something. I'm sure you never heard before Do you know why the electricity that comes into your home is 60 cycles 60 Hertz?

[19:12] 60 pulses per second. Well, that's another thing we can thank Tesla for no, not the car company. I'm talking Nikola Tesla Well, you see when he developed his AC generator and AC motors and they were first coming out and ready to sell to the public They had to be compatible with the wiring already in people's houses back then when people had their houses wired. It was just for lights That's all that was the first use of electricity in the house with Edison's DC system. There were only lights There were no good DC motors. They had brushes that wore out and sparked plus they stunk up the air with ozone So there weren't any electric washing machines vacuum cleaners, etc Not tilt Tesla's AC system came along and his brushless AC motors This is around the year 1895 So he became partners with Westinghouse and they were working on what would be the best way to efficiently run power to a house with AC

[20:03] Alternating current where motors would be efficient and lights wouldn't flicker They settled on 60 cycles and began manufacturing generators and motors for trains pumps appliances, etc The thing is the slower your generator rotated along or it would last less heat It would produce in those days a fast spinning motor generator would get hot and wear out fast So within a decade 60 cycle became the US standard That means the generator producing the electricity at the power plant The rotor has to spin 60 times a second now You can speed those things up But you get a lot more wear and tear and heat and the speed could be lowered too like in Europe where they have a 50 Cycle standard the thing is though some people with very acute eyes

[20:49] Actually see the flicker of lights at 50 and 60 cycle Most people don't I don't but people with very good eyesight like some professional hitters baseball players are bothered by the flicker That most people never see and they get unexplained headaches Oh, and there's another amazing coincidence when tesla and westinghouse picked 60 cycles The first electric clocks and for many years thereafter were easily synced to 60 cycle current coming directly from the generator Perfect for timekeeping as long as the rotor at the generator spun exactly at 60 cycles You know, there's 60 seconds in a minute 60 minutes in an hour, etc, etc Perfect and dead easy to synchronize a clock problem is though those massive generators producing the power Slowed down just a bit under heavy loads

[21:34] Like at night when most people had their electric lights on the generator might drop down to 59 or 58 cycles And all the electric clocks would run just a little bit slow Not much but a little bit and that was the state of things until about 1920 generators got very stable spinning exactly at 60 cycles No matter what the load by the way It was tesla to develop a governor another one of his 400 patents to put on those big generators So they ran exactly in sync that is precisely at 60 revolutions or 60 cycles a second But what that meant was in europe, they couldn't synchronize electric clocks directly to the power generators because they were spinning at 50 cycles Yep For some reason the power generation people in europe picked 50 cycles It took a decade or so for them to figure out some cheap

[22:22] Electronics to have their electric clocks synced up in europe on 50 cycles Of course these days all the led lights you see everywhere are running on dc. There's no flickering at all. The voltage is dead Steady. Hey, am I boring you with this stuff? Sorry about that But you know being an engineer, I sometimes veer off into oddball, but amazing to me anyway Digressions by the way, if you've ever read a biography about tesla or heard any funny stories about him I wonder if you knew that some people thought he was an alien from another planet even back in the 1890s up through the 1920s In fact in his own autobiography He wrote quote I would not touch the hair of another person except perhaps at the point of a revolver I can't look at certain foods. For example peaches without getting physically sick

[23:09] He said I cannot tolerate earrings on women in his own words He said the sight of a pearl earring would almost give him a fit He also said he would count the steps when he walked making sure they were divisible by three almost everything In his physical world was divided by three He felt compelled to repeat that exercise over and over compulsively too In fact that each meal as an adult he demanded nine or eighteen napkins a number again divisible by three And he wiped down each plate bowl and piece of silverware. Hmm. Do we know anybody like that sound familiar? Obviously, he was one of the very first written about anyway germaphobes. He was also absolutely obsessed with Mathematically calculating oddball things like for example if he was sitting at a table

[23:55] He'd calculate the volume of soup plates coffee cups even pieces of food Oh, and by the way, we all know that name tesla now from elon musk and tesla cars, right? It really is a cool and fitting name, isn't it? So elegant short simple and rolls right off the tongue, huh? However, here's what people don't know that word in serbian because he was a caration sir The name tesla means get this a person with protruding teeth a bucktooth guy Which as it turns out was a true trait of several of his notable ancestors That's how in the olden days lots of people got the family names, you know thatcher. That's a guy who built thatched roofs mr Farmer that's self-evident smith. That's a guy who worked metal a metalsmith Though i'd much rather be called mr. Thatcher than mr. Bucktooth

[24:43] So think about that next time you're at a red light and a tesla pulls up, but I digress man Did I digress? All right now a short but pertinent email from mr. C He says johnny. Can you tell us about off the books jobs for gringos versus on the books jobs? Does it matter if someone is on disability in the states and receiving a check would that disability income be affected? By having an on the books job in let's say guadamala or anywhere else in latin america Oh and johnny, have you heard of any new kinds of jobs for gringos and expats? Especially since the helicopter school teaching jobs have pretty much dried up due to the cove idiot thing And finally johnny, did you know that gerald salenty owns property on the most historic four corners in the us? Ah, mr. C you mentioned gerald salenty. I love the guy except he's such a name dropper

[25:33] I know we've all got faults. I got a million myself, but it seems every single interview he gives He has to mention that he owns houses on the most historic four corners in the us. Good Do we have to hear that again? And of course he always slips in the fact that he was the youngest guy to ever have a certain political flunky job in The new york state government like anyone really gives the rat's ass. Gerald We love your content, but we don't need to hear about that other stuff ad nauseam Please and as for mr. C's inquiry about on and off the books jobs in latin america The thing is mr. C if you have an on the books job You'll be registered with the tax and revenue people in whatever latin country and its income it's registered and can be checked So you will have to report that on your us income tax forms and as you probably well know You can supplement your social security or disability income and not pay any penalties or lose any benefits

[26:23] But once you hit a certain level they start reducing the payouts The irs has charts and tables for that you can look it up on their website Of course when you're off the books That's what it means you're off the books and you're getting paid in cash or driveway chickens Now if you're one of those guys or gals who's pure is the driven snow You'll report that income on your us tax form too But there will be no way for anyone to check on it Which is why for so many gringles and expats working off the books is what they really prefer doing That's why so many gringles and expats have internet businesses and a bank account registered in an essay corporation So the income from that business flows into the bank account that's registered in the corporation and not under their name And of course everything is legal and on the up and up in the latin country that you're in though According to us tax law and in some cases it's not necessarily legal

[27:09] Best thing to do is to get with your own latin lawyer on that issue They know the ins and outs and all the angles the thing is though out of every 100 gringos making money here in latin america i'd say other than teaching english in a helicopter school Only maybe five percent or even less are working on the books as an employee of a latin business The vast majority are making money somehow off the books You've been listening to the expat files living in latin america If you need some help with your own plan b we can schedule a one-on-one phone or skype consult Just send me an email the expat files at gmail.com And if you want to get on the waiting list for my next week long expat insider seminar in central america Where you're guaranteed to get a two to five year head start on your plan b Send me an email the expat files at gmail.com