#1102 – The Expat Files: Halloween in Latin America, Plan B Strategies, and Global Corruption

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came out to play and now as I wander Hello there all you ex-pat wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started. All right We're back. You know, I forgot to tell you about Halloween here in Latin America I know it just passed last week But it deserves a comment as you may have figured this covid you think put a real damper on any trick-or-treat But here in Latin America almost no one trick-or-treats. They just don't do it except with real diet in the world gringo wannabes living in

[00:50] expensive gated guarded communities Then people will take their kids around just within that little subdivision and before covid that was just starting to take off But now it's dead in the water, you know because people think their kids are gonna catch the plague So the kids of the gringo wannabes have been foiled with their Halloween expectations though as far as adults dressing up on Halloween and going to Halloween parties or Costume contests at bars and discos that was really starting to catch on to until the covid you think and Over the last 30 years. I've seen it unfold Halloween was catching on even though in a very Christian Mostly Catholic culture many evangelical Christians and Bible thumpers think of Halloween as something satanic That's how it was years ago when I first came down and saw almost no Halloween decorations except on the gringo tourist trail

[01:37] It figures right obviously the more on the gringo tourist trail you are the more Halloween junk and paraphernalia You see like pumpkins and skeletons witches and all that. Oh and in franchise supermarkets like Costco and Walmart They're everywhere down here You can buy imported Pumpkins for carving but the people who do buy them and they're very expensive because they're imported don't carve them They just stick them in the house as decorations Somehow Americans tell orange jack-o'-lantern pumpkins don't grow well in the tropics strangely enough. They're all imported So just a few people actually have them, you know I've never seen a pumpkin out on someone's porch carved or not though High-end malls and stores will have Halloween displays in their windows because tis the season still Halloween is in no way a Latino holiday It's a pure gringo holiday as is Thanksgiving

[02:23] in fact one of the easiest ways to spot an extreme gringo wannabe family is around Halloween because it's in no way and never was a Latino holiday, of course the Mexicans have their day of the dead which seems quite similar But it's really not even though it falls on the calendar very close to Halloween. You've heard of the day of the dead Of course in Mexico, that's a huge event and everyone celebrates, but that's all about skeletons and ghosts pumpkins Witches and spider webs are not on the menu In fact around 30 years ago I was with a bunch of gringos in Costa Rica and they were all looking for a Halloween party to go to They were gearing up for it a day or two before the event and there were a couple of advertised Costume parties with prizes and all that stuff But only in a few hotels in strictly gringo iced areas So we got dressed up and hit a few of those parties

[03:09] They were non-events and warring just a handful of gringos with store-bought masks pretty pathetic really But one of those costume contests had a first prize of five hundred bucks So I played along put a little effort did on my costume and I won first place I was Dracula But since there were only something like five or six people really dressed up and just didn't have a stinking two dollar joker mask In the end the management reneged and never gave me the five hundred bucks. Just a bottle I think it was Captain Morgan rum. Hey, this is Latin America. So there's no one to sue Anyway, I think you're getting the idea that 30 years ago in Latin America Halloween was a non-event Seems like not a single local was into it at all now flashing ahead 30 years to Halloween last week in any big Even small Latin town. There are any number of Halloween parties had bars and discos

[03:58] Man, we're people partying though. Maybe it was an excessive response to those screwed up lockdowns Who knows now you have to remember I'm off the gringo tourist trail So I saw practically no gringos when I was out in the town on Halloween night And though some Latinos dressed up about one in maybe 50 had a real costume The rest had drips and drabs of makeup hoping to pass as zombies figures, huh? Easiest no-brainer costume in the world zombie. I take that back easiest costume illegal alien And I'll tell you talk about lag time I'd say at least 50% half of all the people dressed up trying to do the Halloween thing even Entering costume contests in the various bars that were holding them again. You guessed it half-ass zombies

[04:44] Please I know Latin TV has been running reruns of The Walking Dead for years now Talk about lag time. Isn't dressing up like a zombie kind of 10 years late really pass a so Obama era so 2010 Hmm dressing up as a zombie. Isn't that the gold standard for lack of creativity? Well, that's Latin America in general a chronically missing gene for creativity I mean really imagine dressing up as a zombie for a party up in the States these days People would think you just came out of a 10-year coma So anyway a few weeks ago a couple of my friends said let's go hit the Halloween rounds We can dress up and maybe win a couple of contests. I know I know wishful thinking right? That's what every brain dead zombies thinking well as luck would have it

[05:30] We did go to a bar that was having a contest and I won first place a hundred bucks in the local funny money And they actually gave it to me surprise surprise And you know since now these days Halloween's kind of a big event here in Latin America at least at the bars and discos There were at least 50 to 100 people that were dressed up though this being a culture short on creativity 90% of them were either zombies witches or ghouls so then why did Johnny win? I know you're thinking gringo advantage, right? Well, you'd be wrong because in my costume you couldn't see my face or the color of my skin You see I went as an illegal alien having been captured and escorted by two really sexy Latina cops Now you think that would be a rather amusing scenario, right? But the real twist was I wasn't just any old legal alien. I went as an illegal space alien

[06:20] And if you think about it You know if there are space aliens and if they land once in a while and check things out down here By definition every last one of them is an illegal None of them could possibly have a passport green card or visa much less entered through a proper border Anyway, I won first price hands down They gave the hundred bucks to me making a point that it was not for the lady cops Which I thought wasn't fair You should have seen those lady cops But then again how far does a hundred bucks go when you're hanging out with three people in a bar all night So anyway If you want to see the reason why I won if you want to see a picture of me as an illegal space alien Being escorted by two sexy lady cops. Send me an email the expat files at gmail.com By the way during the upcoming week. I will be traveling and in communicado

[07:06] So the next two expat file shows will be reruns That means if you tune in you'll hear the worst or the best of the expat files depending on which shows our famous PRN engineer and man about town Jesse decides on running with so again next week no live or pseudo live expat file shows And now a few words about what you should be considering if you're thinking about getting the hell out of dodge starting at plan b There are quite a few things to consider before you make any firm decisions Everybody's case is different. So how do you assess it all out? There is no one size fits all cookie cutter approach to getting the hell out of dodge That's why over the years so many people have scheduled one-on-one consultation calls with me Generally people will schedule a call with me before they get boots on the ground

[07:53] Though some have been to cancun costa rica the usual suspect tourist traps Not really my idea of quality boots on the ground Sorry guys That's why before I do any personal consults I send everyone my two-page plan b consultation form believe me It really helps to establish a baseline to organize your thoughts So whether you're really serious about getting the hell out of dodge and getting that plan b going or it's just a pipe dream fantasy Exercise in procrastination you'll still want to be as organized as possible about the whole thing That said I thought now would be a good time to go over some of the main points on that plan b questionnaire Because I know it will help you to better organize your thoughts For example, how many dependent children do you have and just how dependent are they? Do you plan on bringing them with you leaving them back in the states or selling them on craigslist?

[08:42] If you're bringing them down, are you looking for schooling options or are you going to homeschool them? Are you coming out alone with family or significant other and how are your spanish skills? What about your health and physical condition? Are you taking medicines supplements? Do you have any chronic health conditions? How mobile are you? What's your lifestyle like or projected lifestyle like? Are you a backpacker vegan? pescatarian Four-star resort umbrella drink type person. Are you a jogger marathon runner gambler sports fan? Scuba diver surfer bookworm all your preferences make a difference, you know When you're deciding on your plan b and where you're going to live What about your lifestyle preferences your special skills and hobbies? And then there's that question of your savings income or financial cushion

[09:29] What's your personality type type a b or c? Do you remember those designations from back in the day? Type c being really calm laid back live and let live type Type a being a sort of get things done always active go-getter type. Are you adventurous? conservative liberal libertarian anarchist atheist buddhist Evangelical mormon newager. Are you the activist type? Are you on or off the radar or sort of in between? Are you high or low profile introvert extrovert social mixer or not? Are you a drinker a stoner into meditation or yoga? And as far as your income Are you getting a pension annuity or social security or expect to get that stuff now or in the near or distant future?

[10:14] Are you counting on those things to be able to live or retire comfortably? In other words, do you need to have to work when you get down? If so, do you anticipate an it business or brick and mortar? Or do you just want to retire into the sunset drinking my ties and margaritas? And here's an important consideration. How are your stress levels? Do little things bother you? Are you easily upset or not? What about your living conditions to prefer hot or cool climates? Do you want to be around beaches and water or highland? Altiplano regions with perfect spring weather all year round or are you looking for a little of both? Are you handy a do-it-yourselfer good with tools and fixing things? Now that's not to say it's necessary. Not at all But consider this lots of gringo expat wannabes

[11:00] Telling me they'd like to be off the grid homesteading and growing their own somewhere out in the boonies Well, then if that's the case, you better be sort of a do-it-yourselfer type and have and be able to use a nice assortment of tools Then again, labor is so cheap here in latin america. You could always have a maintenance guy on your payroll So again as for personal preferences, do you prefer city town rural or homestead living? Once you arrive would you prefer to rent buy or build your residence or homestead or just Rent short term and just keep exploring and moving on Another important consideration is your projected monthly budget when you finally land at your plan b destination How about your familiarity with cryptocurrencies and crypto credit cards? Do you have any bitcoin or other cryptocurrencies or a crypto wallet?

[11:48] Do you feel comfortable using crypto or like a fish out of water? It is the future, you know, look at el solvador Another important question is do you have physical gold or silver? If so, do you plan on leaving it behind cashing it in or transporting it to your plan b destination? What about your living space? Do you need a little space or a lot of it? Do you need outdoor open space a big backyard or garden or do you prefer a gated subdivision or residential tower? Are you a pet lover? Will you bring a pet down or get one or two or ten when you land in latin america? Here's another thing you really have to consider. Do you mind being in quiet solitary settings or do you need to be close to events? Culture sports concerts clubs plays galleries and or have frequent social gatherings and interactions

[12:35] If so, what are your preferences? Like for example golf tennis swimming fitness training belonging to a health biking or hiking club church groups, etc Are you a do-gooder a joiner or not? Do you need to belong to do-gooder organizations or maybe you're a bookworm or a shut-in type a loner? Your answers to these questions will have a big influence on your plan b strategy Other important considerations include have you been to latin america previously? When where why and for how long and what were your impressions then and now? Do you have close friends or acquaintances living somewhere in latin america? Do you plan on moving close to them or piggybacking on their experiences? In other words, do you have a ready-made network or are you trudging out on your own?

[13:22] What special baggage might you want to bring down sell or jettison like for example a 1965 Mustang a room-sized weaving loom a les paul guitar grand piano scuba gear wood shop equipment Maybe you've got a personal library of actual paper books not ebooks and they mean a hell of a lot to you Are you traveling light or thinking about bringing a whole household down in a shipping container? All these things will make a difference. Do you drive will you need a car? Are you thinking about driving or shipping your car down? Do you think want or need to be around english speakers or do you want to go cold turkey into immersion spanish? Oh and this next thing can be a psychological stumbling block. Do your friends and relatives know of your plans?

[14:08] Are they pressuring you in any way thinking you've gone off the rails or are a bit too extreme? Then how about this question? Do you consider yourself a prepper type? If so, how much of a prepper on a 1 to 10 scale? And if your plan b is to homestead or get off the grid have you experienced with that? Do you have an electric car or any type of solar or alternative power? Have you dabbled with it at all or is it just on your wish list? How about gardening or growing your own? Have you dabbled with that or is that just on your wish list too? Now? Here's a biggie. Have you been vexed? If so, which one have you had any side effects or are you doing everything possible to avoid it? And except for speeding tickets. Have you ever been in trouble with the law? Any misdemeanors or felonies because you know, even if you do for example have a felony that won't hinder your travel plans

[14:57] But it will certainly stop you from getting permanent residency in practically any foreign country Okay, next do you have a tax accountant? If so, does he or she know about your plan b ideas your plan for moving out of the country full or part time? Have you ever been audited by the irs? Do you have outstanding tax or legal trouble? Do you have outstanding student loans and how much of a burden are they to you? And right now as you're thinking about all this Do you have others of like mind to discuss the real state of the world affairs? Or are you the lone voice of sanity in an insane world and thus keep your opinions to yourself? Next what is your most realistic plan b get out of dodge time frame? Are you planning on leaving all at once or doing it in stages one first world calamity at a time?

[15:47] Do you have a business or other responsibilities up in the states and therefore can only move to latin america part time? Or are you able to cut your ties completely and never look back? And finally related to that what baggage do you have up in the first world such as debt houses property? Businesses that must be sold or maintained your kids college. You might be paying for Child support or alimony or grandma you're paying for in the nursing home All of those things will affect your plan b strategy So anyway once you've decided to get the hell out of dodge get that plan b going There are lots and lots of things to consider That's why I put together that consultation form. I was just reading excerpts from that's why if you send me an email the expat files At gmail.com i'll send you this form

[16:33] It's a good reference and starting point to have around as you put together your plan b So again, send me an email the expat files at gmail.com and i'll ship it off to you It'll help to get those ideas flowing and to organize yourself And for those of you who are new to this get out of dodge expat plan b game It's a good starting point and you got to start somewhere too many people are chaotic about their plan b You got to have a plan for your plan b Well, just one last thing about this consult form that I have People who sign up for a one-on-one call with me return these things a couple of days before the call and sometimes I really have to laugh at their answers. For example, remember I mentioned one of the questions goes like this Do you have others of like mind to discuss the real state of the world affairs? Or are you just a lone voice of sanity in your neighborhood and you keep your opinions to yourself?

[17:21] Well, one guy recently wrote me with this answer Johnny, I have a couple of buddies who see through the matrix and we talk frequently and slowly My wife has come around too She's not as deep in the rabbit hole as I am But she's paying attention and even offering up things that she's seen He says I almost fell out of my shoes when she connected some dots while watching the news the other night I was a little teary eyed after that Now that's the kind of stuff that makes me smile and keeps me going, you know Here a guy a husband who's completely on board with the getting the hell out of dodge and having a plan b It's obvious. He's been on the right track seeing the chaos and things collapsing for a long time And yet his wife was not quite on board more or less buying the lame street media line

[18:06] So in his house, he was kind of a lone voice of reason for a long time And now his wife is suddenly getting it and he's obviously extremely happy about that I mention this because if you have a significant other up there by you Who's not on board with the getting a hell out of dodge scenario, man I'll tell you that could be a recipe for disaster It's a good thing though that so many smart people are figuring it out though It's late in the game. You can still get your ducks all lined up and get the hell out of dodge All right moving on are you ready for a very un-pc email Well, you can count on my answer being un-pc as usual. This is from casey He's concerned about paying bribes in latin america. He says dear johnny I know how it works for cops in latin america. You can bribe him I've had to bribe a few in mexico and costa rica myself

[18:52] I was one of those clueless tourists you talk about in costa rica that rents a car To do some off the road four wheel drive freewheeling I hadn't been in the thing for even an hour when two motorcycle cops waved me over Gave me some bs and broken english about not having my paperwork in order and that sent me back 200 bucks All right. Let's hold up right there casey casey. You have to know by now in costa rica They look at gringos like us. They're just having dollar signs tattooed on our foreheads Tell you what if you got pulled over in nicaragua guatemala honduras el solvador bolivia Anywhere way off the tourist trail a bribe to a cop would never cost you that much 200 bucks And you full knowing your paperwork is fine If you're off the tourist trail and in a situation where you have to bribe a cop or in the vernacular

[19:42] He's asking for more dita 20 bucks even 50 bucks would be pushing it But then again, you know the cops in whatever latin country know what the traffic will bear and when there's lots of gringos around The usual customary amount for bribes can be hyperinflated And they know the more nervous you are when they stop you the more they can gouge you All right, then casey says sure johnny. I've bribed comps in mexico and costa rica I know they're not your favorite places, but how far up the chain can you go? How high can you bribe? Can you go all the way up to the top? Can you bribe a detective a chief of police a captain a colonel a judge a congressman a president? Or is there a limit or ceiling that you reach where it's not wise to take a chance? That offering a bribe is dangerous. It just might backfire. You'll dig a bigger hole for yourself

[20:28] Just wondering johnny has a reference for the future in case just in case I wake up one morning in jail after a pretty wild night only to discover i've been accused of some unpardonable felony Just wondering johnny. Keep up the good work signed casey Not casey as in the sunshine band just casey Well, you know casey as far as bribes and corruption I think if you just take the general population at large i'm talking about worldwide including the u.s About 10 of people are absolutely corruptible Even for nickels and dimes with another 80 of the population corruptible depending on the price and circumstances You know, like what are the chances of being discovered or getting caught and the remaining 10 of people are absolutely Incorruptible, they won't even tell a liar except a bribe to save themselves or their families

[21:18] So that's how I think it breaks down worldwide. But as far as people who work for government including politicians i'd say Since those are jobs careers and professions that are just magnets for sociopaths I'd say about 10 of them are absolutely corrupt too With the other 90 corruptible depending on the price and circumstances For example, I know for a fact you could buy off a judge in latin america for from five to ten thousand bucks Depending on the circumstances and the severity of the crime. I know a couple of cases where that's actually happened I'm not talking about second or third hand information either But right from the source from the lawyers that did the negotiation the thing is here in latin america Officials will look the other way for rock bottom prices that seem ridiculous to you and me I mean look no one offers a us circuit judge five or ten grand to drop a case or pull some hanky panky

[22:08] They'd probably throw the book at you But for a couple hundred grand even a half mill or a million depending on the case again The wheels of justice can be made to grind to a halt, but nowadays up in the first world. Anyway It's almost impossible to bribe an official with cash money not with computers banks and the irs track and everything Think of this for a minute Is it a coincidence you think that everyone who stays in the upper echelons of us government even for a few years? Comes out of it a millionaire or multimillionaire The revolving door between big business and government is well known well established and very convenient Perfect example janet yellen, you know tweety bird who accepted seven million worth of speaking fees from banks Just before she became u.s secretary of treasury obviously a payoff a bribe So if the established price to buy off a future u.s secretary of treasuries around seven million bucks

[22:58] It'd be absolutely normal to assume You could buy off a future secretary of treasury from a third world country like paragua or peru for a tenth of that or less In fact here in latin america as administrations come and go as they get voted in and out There's usually a four to eight year lag time Before the press starts reporting on how corrupt the previous government was and how much money they've stolen With congress and cabinet members even vice presidents and presidents named outright the dollar amounts They stole the banks and the bank account numbers And looking at those dollar amounts first world people are surprised these guys can be bought off for so little You know america is considered a high trust society unlike those of the third world And in low trust countries and societies bribes are usually strictly cash or outright gifts

[23:47] But in third world countries like in latin america, you can give politicians outright gifts. It's not illegal like it is in the states That's why it's the trend to bribe officials in the states with payments disguised as speaking fees book contracts Consulting contracts corporate directorships and many other no work Just show up when you want kind of jobs And how about the latest scam creating childish artwork and valuing it in the millions shades of hunter biden In the first world in the states as long as a bribe is properly disguised It can be paid either before or after the favor is done shades of hunter biden. Once again, that's how moron Representatives like mad maxine waters become millionaires 10 times over You've got government ass wipes making legislation and in control of printing money tipping off their friends family and cronies

[24:38] congress and their closed-door committees know who's going to get the big contracts well before the public ever does They never have to buy or sell a stock themselves sticking their own name out there Just a little tip to a trusted crony or family member does the trick and will be rewarded Hey, just look what happened the day before 9 11 and still the media is mum some 20 years later and refuses to invest Those giant airline stock movements and shorts that happened just the day before So yes casee in latin america judges can be bribed quite cheaply five or ten grand However in the usa you can't just hand a judge a shoebox full of cash There are tricks to making that kind of deal For example, you do it by buying a luxury villa in the bahamas or turks and cacos in any number of ritzy caribbean developments

[25:25] One trick is it's got to be outside u.s. Territory therefore not registered in the us with the property registered in a foreign corporation And if it's outside u.s. Jurisdiction that makes it untraceable and the judge or politician you want the favor from he has the keys And he has the physical shares of that corporate stock the xyz company Whatever, you know every corporation issues stock and who owns the stock owns the corporation And thus all the real property the corporation owns he who holds the shares owns the property the panama papers and those 11.9 million Pandora papers leaks exposed to the world just how that's done Oh, and by the way when the judge or politician dies None of that stuff will appear in his will he has a side agreement with his lawyer to hand over the shares to his kids

[26:12] Wife or mistress by the way, if you're ever in a terrible spot in a bribe is necessary have your lawyer do it Don't get involved yourself or so i've been told hmm Oh, and there's other ways to bribe politicians and judges too. Listen to this I have a family member who had a us congressman for a godfather He's passed now, but was a good family friend and one day over 30 years ago. Now. I went into his office I couldn't help but notice his spectacular desk a beautifully hand tooled and scrolled desk made out of a hundred percent cherry wood He told me a massive thing just a work of art and I said, where'd you get it? He said it was a campaign donation. Then he winked and explained. It wasn't just a regular desk It was originally owned by one of the signers of the declaration of independence A museum piece over 200 years old most likely with a couple hundred grand too

[27:00] Anyway, a few years later. He retired a few years after that He died and they named a couple of bridges highways and parks after him and what happened to that desk Well, I don't know because he's been dead a long long time, but I do know it ended up in his personal study Now, of course on the campaign donation disclosure forms It was simply listed as a desk and it was a desk Though with a slightly better pedigree than one from ikea and the people responsible for that donation They did it out of the goodness of their hearts, right? You've been listening to the expat files living in latin america If you need some help with your own plan b we can schedule a one-on-one phone or skype consult Just send me an email the expat files at gmail.com And if you want to get on the waiting list for my next week-long expat insider seminar in central america

[27:50] Where you're guaranteed to get a two to five year head start on your plan b Send me an email the expat files at gmail.com