#1109 – The Expat Files: Life, Travel, and Challenges in Latin America

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came up to play and now that I wonder Hello there all you ex-pat wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started Wow today, man I promise this is gonna be a really good show for one thing I've got an expat Eddie story that I'm gonna tie into the show today that you really have to pay attention to cuz this could Happen to you. I'm serious. This is a doozy. Hmm doozy

[00:47] Where'd that word come from? I'm always interested in oddball word and praise origins. How about you? Don't give a rip Well, that's okay, too. Anyway, let's start out with some really good news the seminars on a hundred percent So get a piece of paper and get out those crayons. Yep. It's boots on the ground time again We're hitting the road on this week long drinking from the fire hose trip. We're going to Guatemala and El Salvador So why now after being stalled for more than a year and a half? Well, because El Salvador has dropped all covid it restrictions In other words, we can take our caravan in and out of border towns without any problem at all So all you guys and gals out there who want to escape the ravages of the Big Brother state whether it be the US Canada Europe or Australia. Oh, by the way, I'm getting lots of mail from people from Australia

[01:34] They're under a virtual police lockdown. They're telling me now and I just read this yesterday They've got a lunatic government edict going that you got to wear a mask in your own damn house And that applies to certain cities in New Zealand too. So for this seminar, we can expect some very long distance travelers I think it's around a 16-hour flight from Australia to Central America. And that's if it's a direct flight Imagine if there's a layover. So anyway, we've got some really bright and astute Aussies Just itching to get the hell out of their version of government hell, but back to the seminar It'll begin Friday evening, February 18th So you can arrive on that Friday and hit the meet-and-greet around six or seven o'clock at night at our hotel And we'll be finishing up the seminar Thursday night, February 24th

[02:20] So you'll be flying in and out from the airport in Guatemala City So grab a crayon and mark down those days. It's a little over two months from now And once again as usual, it's a package deal Once you land in Guatemala, the first leg of the seminar We'll pick you up at the airport, take you right to our seminar hotel From then on, everything will be provided for you except lunches and dinners Though all breakfast will be included as well as your hotel room for seven nights Of course, all through the event will be holding your hand all the way And remember, this is a boots-on-the-ground adventure Half of the time on the road visiting places and half of the time doing lectures Though we won't be hiking through the jungle or trudging up volcanoes You will get to see all that We will be doing some walking, but we won't be roughing it Though people ask me all the time, how physically fit do you have to be to go on this kind of seminar?

[03:06] Well, I can tell you this, in the past we've had attendees who were in their 80s People with hip and joint replacements and people with walkers and canes Even a few people who were legally blind Oh, and we had a paraplegic, a brilliant guy with an autographed Stephen Hawking motorized chair That's what he told me anyway, but he was quite a joker By the way, both he and one of our blind attendees ended up living in Guatemala Permanently In other words, they attended the seminar and never went back to the States Funny thing, that happens at every seminar There's always someone or some people who never go back Once they land, they say, I'm here, I made it, and I'm not going back And you might wonder, how could someone come down to a week-long seminar And decide they're going to live in a country forever, or at least for the foreseeable future Well, it's not just an impulsive decision, it takes some planning

[03:52] And that's why my seminar logistics lady Rita is so valuable She helps people with all their moving plans way ahead of time Not only is she an event planner, she's in contact with every seminar attendee Weeks before the seminar starts And whatever they have on their checklist or bucket list She can arrange it and do all the legwork way before you even get down Almost everyone ends up doing a signal call or two with her before the seminar So if you're interested in starting your Guatemalan residency, looking for a rental unit Need to open a bank account, get cell phone or internet service Maybe you're looking for a certain kind of neighborhood, a place or a vet for your pets You want to tour or check out a few helicopter schools for your kids Whatever you've got on your bucket list Rita the seminar logistics lady will take care of all that for you However, if you're coming down just for the seminar to get some boots on the ground

[04:40] Meet some people, make some connections Hey that's just fine too Even so you should consider getting a bank account That's a great idea too You should do it while you can because you know in Guatemala you can still open a bank account At least in some banks without being a resident But that door is closing too as in most other Latin countries Or maybe you want to do a little sightseeing or touring or exploring Well Rita will help you with all that too or you can explore on your own The thing is if you're planning on staying down longer than just for the seminar week Rita can help you out with an itinerary, transportation, hotels and all that Or she can take you by the hand if you've got specific wants and needs and a personal bucket list Just thought I'd lay that on you If you plan on coming early or staying on after the seminar Just remember we'll be there to help you out But do remember if you're coming down to kill two birds with one stone that is

[05:28] You know come to the seminar and apply for residency You'll need to stay another week either before or after the seminar to complete the process And Rita will arrange all of that with you too But again remember there's a step by step process to getting your residency And it takes about a month to get your paperwork in order back at home So if Guatemalan residency is one of your goals, chop chop, get on that paperwork So again mark your calendar for Friday, February 18th through February 25th Now the seminar actually ends on the night of the 24th But you'll stay over that night in our hotel That means if you're coming just for the seminar you can book your flight back home For Friday the 25th But also remember if you're in a rush to leave the next day, the 25th You better make sure you book your flight for late afternoon or evening

[06:13] Because with all this Covidid crap No matter which airport you're traveling from throughout the world You're supposed to get to the airport three hours before your flight Oh and yes we do have a place where you can get your quick Covidid antigen test Because you'll need that to get back into the USSA So again if you're planning on returning on Friday the 25th Please do not book a morning or early afternoon flight Try to make it after three in the afternoon Though of course the majority of seminar attendees don't rush off right away The very next day They stay on a while, a couple days a week Of course that's all up to you And we've got two months to work it out So don't get stressed about it You'll be in good hands So anyway part of the seminar will be in Guatemala and part in El Salvador That'll give us a chance to see all those controversial crazy

[06:59] And wonderful things that are going down on Bitcoin beach You've heard of it After all it's been all over the news lately You'd have to have been living under a rock to have missed it So anyway now is your chance to get the hell off the fence Get your plan B in hyper gear And for all you guys and gals who've already signed up You're on the list You'll be getting the updates in a day or two And for everyone else who wants more information and sign up details Buy it this weekend, Sunday December 12th I should have the sign up sheet and complete details Available for everyone at expatplanb.com So just go to expatplanb.com and click on the seminar link Oh and one last thing Even if you arrive some days or even a week or two Before the seminar starts We will pick you up at the airport and take you to your hotel So don't worry about that We'll hook up with you from day one

[07:45] Even if you arrive way before the seminar starts So whenever your flight comes in Or whatever arrangements you need for hotels Rita will arrange all that for you All right now I've said about that Stay tuned for more And now a little Expat Eddie story I told you this was going to be an important show And this time Expat Eddie made it happen Over the years you heard me talk about Expat Eddie He came down with five thousand dollars Twenty something years ago He spent a lot of time in the early days sleeping on my couch And after a year or so being down here in Latin America Figuring what to do with himself He started a tiny sushi kiosk restaurant In a little strip mall in El Salvador Why a sushi bar in Latin America? In a place way off the gringo tourist trail Well it was really for selfish reasons Only because way back when

[08:30] Twenty something years ago There was now a good sushi to be found in Central America So he started his own little sushi bar And gringo marketing took care of the rest You know that gringo advantage thing To be honest it was the gringo wannabe effect Hey all the gringos on TV and in the movies Were going to sushi bars That made it a real gringo wannabe thing for upscale Latinos It took off He ended up franchising it Selling it Making a million And for five or so years now He's been a man of leisure Investing in little things here and there Some big things too Anyway one of his investments just recently Was in the Dominican Republic Yep the DR Now Eddie he might seem like a slacker But now that he's got dough He's a smart guy and can put it to good use And he's always looking for desperate sellers Well he found a land-rich

[09:16] Cash-poor guy who went bankrupt Willing to let a hotel slash casino project go for a song Yep that Covidiot thing has a way of killing businesses Especially in tourist areas Like certain parts of the DR And Eddie wanted to throw the guy a low-ball bid But first he wanted to check with me Wanted me to come to the DR And have a look at the place structurally and all that By the way it's in Punta Cana You ever been there? It's the gringo wise all-inclusive hotel Slash beach resort side of the island Really nice for a week or two vacation I wouldn't want to live there But Covid naturally wiped out most of the tourism And so out came the desperate sellers Did I say naturally Nothing natural about Covid It was produced in the Wuhan lab That will be proven It's proven already But you can't search for it on Google

[10:01] Because they, Wikipedia, Facebook, and Twitter Are the biggest censorship bureaus around God I hate Google And if you think I'm exaggerating Send me an email Theexpatfiles.gmail.com And I'll send you an audio That tells just how malignant Google is Anyway, Ex-pat Eddie's been in the DR For six months or so He's located a desperate seller And he's trying to get me to pay him a visit And one of the little carrots He's been dangling in front of me Is the fact he says that Just a black or two away from the Airbnb He's renting in a big residential tower Is, believe it or not, a full-service stem cell clinic Not a glitzy, glamorous place Though in a nice little office complex He showed me lots of pictures And I thought, okay, if I go down there I'll check it out But I'm not holding my breath I've been to lots of stem cell clinics Just investigating Colombia, Panama, Mexico, Guatemala, etc

[10:49] And theirs is not quite developed yet They do ozone and enriched platelets Some other things too But they're not doing the gold standard 100, 200, and 300 million stem cell injections I'm sure they'll get around to it But I'm not endorsing any of the stem cell clinics In Guatemala just yet Not till they do all the stuff The big clinics are doing Like the one in Puerto Vallarta that I've been to And a couple of the specific high-dollar ones In Panama and Colombia Anyway, about six months ago When Eddie first landed in the DR He ended up in Santo Domingo With his girlfriend-slash-wife, Claudia You may have heard me tell you That she was kind of a supermodel in Central America If there is such a thing Oh, she's stunning all right There's no doubt about that But it comes with a caveat My definition of a supermodel in Latin America Is a woman who has enough modeling work So that she makes enough to afford her own nice apartment

[11:35] And maybe a used car In other words, she makes enough money Modeling and doing ads and photo shoots and stuff So that she doesn't have to depend on her boyfriend Or husband to support her Or more simply put, she makes enough money So she doesn't have to live in her parents' basement Wait a minute I screwed up They don't have basements in Latin America Anyway, when Eddie met Claudia She was a top model Making around a thousand bucks a month That's upper middle class here in Latin America At least it was then So Eddie's idea is to buy this hotel casino place And put Claudia in charge Because she's 32 now And that's kind of long enough tooth for a model The clock's ticking for her At least in that profession And she knows that The thing is, she's smart, active, and good with people Eddie figures the casino part of the business Would be perfect for her She can't just retire She needs something to do So anyway, expat Eddie and Claudia Are in a residential tower

[12:21] Just temporarily in an Airbnb They're in Santo Domingo The capital of the DR You know, close to the business districts And his lawyer and all that Claudia, of course, would rather be by the beach But they're there to do Eddie's deal So Eddie's been pestering me Come on down and check out this deal And the stem cell clinic Now, what Eddie didn't tell me Until just a couple of weeks ago Was that his shoulder and knee Had been bugging him for a long, long time Old football injuries from high school In fact, way back when He had arthroscopic surgery on the both of them 30-something years ago You can see the scars Back then, they didn't make nice little tiny openings Like they do today Anyway, a couple of weeks ago Eddie sprung it on me He said, Johnny, I went to that stem cell clinic About four months ago I had a 300 million stem cell IV And they injected 25,000 into my shoulder and knee

[13:07] And after three months He said he was so much improved He forgot He even had the injuries He says now it's as if he never had the injuries Unless he pushes too hard in the gym Or breaks into a sprint So just a couple days ago I went to his stem cell clinic And guess what? This group of stem cell docs Have a clinic in Santo Domingo The capital of the D.R. And in Punta Cana Right smack in the area Of all those nice, all-inclusive Sun and fun beach hotels When I got there I talked to the docs There's three or four of them Running the place They've trained for this stuff All over the world And two of them Are MD slash homeopathic docs Who did some of their training In both Cuba and Germany Anyway, the stem cell clinic has everything And they showed me The refrigerated stem cell vials And guess what? They get it from the very same place

[13:52] As the stem cell clinic in Puerto Vallarta And they do a chelation Ozone Hyperbaric oxygen IV Vitamin C Light therapy And many other kinds of alternative treatments too It really is a full-service natural healing clinic But you see, it's almost completely off the radar For gringos and expats Because they don't have a fancy, expensive marketing plan But man, I'm glad Eddie stumbled on these guys And because they've got no glitzy marketing plan Or marketing department They're thousands of dollars Cheaper than the usual suspects Bottom line, it's the most reasonably priced High-quality stem cell clinic I've found so far I priced out a number of treatments there And I couldn't believe it Gringo prices? No way Why? Probably because the vast majority of their patients are not gringos Yep, I visited the place twice And didn't see a single gringo

[14:37] Only Latinos and Latinas So you might think being in the DR It's on the gringo tourist trail But you'd be wrong Even though they've got one of their clinics In the resort area They're not doing any marketing at all In fact, one doc told me some of their main clients Are young guys who've had sports injuries Because the DR is really big on professional baseball There, it's all about baseball Not soccer like it is in the rest of Latin America Actually, it's Cuba, Venezuela, and the DR The only three Latin American countries out of 20 That are really into baseball And that's about it, sports-wise In fact, the doctors said the DR is just loaded With baseball training camps Many of them funded my big league teams up in the States So in those camps They're grooming young DR kids for the major leagues And when they get injured Or are in line for some kind of surgery

[15:23] Guess where they send them first? To the stem cell clinic So just a heads up on another stem cell clinic That gets my seal of approval So you might be wondering How do you get there? Where do you go? And how do you make arrangements To get all that stuff done Or get a quote or get started They've got a nice informative website all right But it's all in Spanish And you don't sign up there Or fill out any forms on that site Well, the good news is Eddie's girlfriend Claudia Is working on putting together a package deal For gringos and expats who might want to come down It's sure got its advantages For one, the flights from Miami, New York, Chicago, and LA Are dirt cheap to the DR I just checked As long as it's not December You know, the holiday season A round trip from Chicago to the DR is around 360 bucks Even cheaper out of Miami or New York

[16:09] Second advantage is it's thousands of dollars cheaper Than any of the other stem cell clinics You have to use all the same materials and products And finally, they've got this great team of doctors Man, I can't tell you how impressed I was With the knowledge of these guys And where they've trained But for now, I don't recommend You come down and do it on your own Because these guys, most of them don't speak English Or their English is not good enough To answer all your questions That's where Claudia comes in You know, meet them at the airport Help them fill out the forms Take them to the hotel Do all the logistics Bring them back and forth Take them to the lab Get their blood work scans Tomography As well as shuttle people around A hand-holding affair through the whole process So don't worry, I'll keep you posted Just know that this new option exists And if you go that route, you'll save thousands Now, I know that Claudia is working with the doctors on it

[16:56] And I don't know when she'll be ready Or if it will actually happen It looks like it'll come to pass real soon But who knows? Oh, and by the way, when the docs showed me those vials of stem cells They also showed me the paperwork, the analysis, and the time stamps On when those cells were cultured Because, you know, that stuff's got to be refrigerated And used in a very short period of time They made the point of showing me how exceedingly fast They get the stem cells from the umbilical cords And purify and culture them Anyway, I'll keep you posted Enough said about that But not enough said about Expat Eddie, as you'll soon hear As a lead-in to our next Expat Eddie story I want to read this email from our Expat Insider Seminar alumnus, Chris He says, Hi, Johnny What do you know about using private investigators, PIs, in Latin America?

[17:42] Are they used much at all? What do they cost? How do they differ from PIs in the U.S.? Are they reliable, full of BS? Do Latinos use them in divorces? Thanks a lot, signed Chris Well, Chris, it's a funny thing If you go to a Latin newspaper, classified ads, or search the internet You'll see PIs advertising their services And in those ads, they promise a lot Including clandestine tracking of suspected unfaithful partners Just like up in the States The difference is what they can get away with here in Latin America That is, things they could never get away with up in the States Without getting caught, fined, or thrown in jail themselves So then, do I know anyone who's ever used one? No, but seeing that I checked in recently with Expat Eddie in person Something along those lines did happen to him

[18:28] And man, what a story You just can't make this stuff up I mentioned just a little while ago That Expat Eddie has been renting an Airbnb in a high-rise residential tower In Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic Well, he said when he rented the place He found out there was only one other gringo living in the whole complex Turns out, though, the average slug might think the Dominican Republic is a tourist paradise You know, white sand beaches, all-inclusive resorts and all that Turns out, that's only true on the far eastern and southeastern tip of the island And most exclusively relegated to the beachfront areas The main districts or regions being Punta Cana, La Romana, Bávaro, Porta Plata, and a few others Those are all international resort beach towns In fact, that area has its own airport It's the airport all the tourists fly into

[19:15] Funny, too, all the signs are in Spanish, English, and Russian Why? Well, you may have heard me say this before For some reason, and that reason's tourism The DR allows visa-free visits to Russians Something almost no other western country in the world allows So wealthy Russians flock to the DR by the plane load They can go to the DR for up to 30 days with no visa required That's why if you visit the eastern tourist end of the DR You'll see lots of Ruskies, wealthy Ruskies, comrades that can afford the trip And quite a few of them, the men anyway Kind of look like Russian mobster types in the movies You know, thick necks, a lot of muscles, too many tattoos and gold chains Almost always accompanied by a beautiful tall blonde Russian lady Sometimes with a few little blonde Russian kids in tow

[20:00] So what I'm trying to say is the DR has a very touristy area And an area that's almost completely off the gringo tourist trail Even though Santo Domingo has a fantastic historic district That's where Columbus and his entourage first set up in the New World, you know Still, when you walk through that area, you rarely see a gringo A lot of Europeans, but few gringos Kind of strange, actually So anyway, Eddie and Claudia are high up in a residential tower in Santo Domingo Where there are almost no gringo tourists at all In fact, he said there's only one gringo besides himself Living in the whole complex of around 40 condos And as it turns out, that gringo guy has an underground parking spot right next to Eddie So naturally, as gringos do, they connected in the parking lot Started talking, paddled up a little bit Thing is, and this is how this crazy story starts

[20:46] Eddie speaks pretty good Spanish He's been down a long time and this other guy has been down maybe a year and a half Has a Latina girlfriend But his Spanish sucks Unfortunately, and this happens to a lot of us We get a Latino boyfriend or girlfriend who knows a bit of English And they default to English whenever they're speaking to us So he's in the same boat as many gringos, gringas, and expats So one day this guy, George, from New York, by the way He asked Eddie if he could help him out with a sticky problem A very delicate one Eddie said, try me, what have you got? So the guy invited Eddie to his apartment on a different floor than Eddie's Eddie walks in, he sees the places New and completely remodeled Very nicely done, too And Eddie said to him, oh, so you're the guy who's been making all that racket For the last few months Remodeling your apartment, eh?

[21:32] He said, yeah, that's what I want to talk to you about He said he hired a registered architect, a lady who did very nice work He said to her, can you pick a contractor? Because I don't know anybody And obviously, being an architect, she was in a position to pick one She says, are you going to live here or are you going to rent it out? He said, what does that matter? She said, because if you can rent it out, I can suggest a contractor He'll do things all right, good enough to rent Or if you're going to live here, maybe you want it really nice in first class In that case, I have another contractor in mind Who's an actual civil engineer He really knows his stuff has a really good crew But it'll cost you about 20% more than the other guy So he picked the civil engineer, the high-end guy And they did the job, really nice, too And this is the sticky part The job was done But for some reason, when it rained, one of the windows in the master bedroom Would spring a little leak in one of the corners

[22:19] It would leave a tiny puddle on the floor But that was not acceptable So George phoned up the contractor, the engineer explained the problem He guaranteed his work, so he sent two guys over They reset the window, eliminated the leak, and the job was done Then, Gringo George stopped with his story And said, Eddie, I want to show you something He said, look, there's the window Then he pointed to the opposite wall And he said, look at this He went over to a blank switch plate You see them in every house They're switch boxes that don't have switches They're kind of a blank box with just a cover on it The gringo took his fingernail, pulled under the plate And it popped off It was one of the newer types of switch cover plates That doesn't have screws to fasten it down Newer ones are like that, older ones, no It was the kind that snaps right off And pops right on with finger pressure Then, Gringo George said, you know, I've been using this empty switch plate box

[23:09] As a little safe Until recently, he said, I've had a roll of dough stashed in there 4,000 bucks, to be exact He said, it's not there anymore And today's Wednesday I discovered it was gone last night, Tuesday night It was there Saturday, though I looked Here's the dilemma No one had access to the room on Saturday Only my wife and I, nor Sunday Again, just me and my wife We were the only ones in the apartment But Monday, my maid was here And she has access to every room And those two guys who worked for more than an hour Resetting that window And Tuesday, just me and my wife again And Eddie said, wow, who's your main suspect? He said, well, I don't know I've had my cleaning lady for at least a year And I've let money around the house She's never taken anything But who knows? People can fool you

[23:54] Then Eddie said, wow, that sucks What do you want from me? How can I help? He said, what I really need is a gringo witness like you To witness what's going to happen next And Eddie said, which is He said, I've invited my lady architect And the construction engineer To come over at five this afternoon Now, I didn't say a thing I didn't let on I just said, come on over We need to talk Then Eddie said, this might sound funny But you need a witness Because you don't trust your architect or engineer You think they were in on it? The gringo said, no, no way They're highly respectable But I just don't know how they're going to respond Who knows what can happen? I just need a witness A gringo witness Someone who can translate for me And Eddie said, what about your wife? She speaks English, doesn't she? He said, yeah, but maybe 60%

[24:40] Not good enough Not enough, I think When it comes down to discussing a serious matter like this There'll be accusations Going to court, bringing in the cops Besides that, the guy said to Eddie, My wife is accusing me of being absent-minded She thinks maybe I just misplaced the money You know, I took it out and put it somewhere else Hey, we all misplaced things sometimes But come on, not 4,000 bucks Oh, then Eddie said, by the way That's a pretty damn good hiding place I got a buddy named Johnny Who I think has used that trick too I'll have to tell him to skip it The word's out Then George said, I really thought it was secure I've been doing it a long time I read about it in an old spy novel many years ago And I've been using it ever since And it's never failed me until... Then he said to Eddie, I do suspect It was maybe one of those window guys

[25:26] Or both in cahoots Because when they were doing the electrical work In one of the other rooms I hid a spare pair of keys in another switch plate box And kind of forgot about them I came back and went into that room A couple of hours later when they were gone And found the keys on the floor And the switch plate box was open In fact, all the electrical boxes were open Because they were redoing the wiring So I'm thinking one of the workers had the idea That people stuff things in those switch plate boxes And maybe they'll check when no one's looking And hit the jackpot I mean, look, when you're remodeling a place It's impossible to have your eyes on the workers at all times There's always times when you have to leave for a while Same thing with your cleaning lady You got to trust people sometimes Especially if you hire a contractor And your cleaning lady If she's worked your place for a long time

[26:11] She knows everything Then Eddie said, how well do you know your cleaning lady? He said, all I know is she works full time And makes around 300 bucks a month So 4,000 bucks is a year's salary or more Quite a temptation And as the story goes And I've heard this from others in Latin America anyway When an employee steals that kind of dough They just disappear They just don't come back the next day or ever So then Eddie said, so you want me there at five o'clock, huh? I'll be there I want to see how this turns out But George also wanted to know how Eddie would handle it Because he knew Eddie Was a pretty smart, hugely successful guy And quite possibly since he had many businesses And many employees over the years He may have been robbed and in the same position And Eddie said, yep, I've had employees steal from me

[26:57] And at five o'clock tonight When your architect and builder show up Here's what I'd do If things aren't going well And they get really defensive about their employees I've been through that before Especially if it's a long time employee And you've developed a friendship with him Sometimes you just can't accept the guy stealing from you So Eddie said, if they get really defensive about it You just tell them you want to polygraph everyone Who was in that room on that fateful Monday Including yourself and your wife And if it comes down to that I'll help you find a company that'll do it Oops, we're getting to the end of the show I'll finish that story next time You're going to want to hear how this ends You've been listening to The Expat Files, living in Latin America If you need some help with your own plan B We can schedule a one-on-one phone or Skype consult Just send me an email

[27:43] Theexpatfiles.gmail.com And if you want to get on the waiting list For my next week-long Expat Insider Seminar in Central America Where you're guaranteed to get a two-to-five-year head start on your plan B Send me an email Theexpatfiles.gmail.com Nos vamos!