#1144 – Episode 1144: Retirement, Education, and Urban Chaos in Latin America

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came up to play and now as I wonder Hello there all you ex-pat wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started You know what they call a retired guy here in Latin America. Don't you who belado? It starts with the letters J. You be the root word for that is Jubal or jubilation meaning extreme happiness jubilation The problem is so many retired people up by you and here south of south of the border aren't so very happy at all

[00:52] Of course the ones that have a hobby or two are quite happy indeed And the ones that continue working in some capacity are very happy, too By the way Netflix Twitter dick-tock fake book and Instagram are not hobbies. Don't fool yourself They're mind-numbing sinkholes. Oh and sports is a hobby if you're actually doing it yourself You're playing but if all you do is sit around eat junk food drink beer and scroll through the sports channels That's not a hobby. That'll suck the life out of your brain like social media does Oh and gringo is an expats who are retired by definition Who don't have hobbies often end up in paradise? Celebrating the sunrise with a case of beer and watching the Sun set over an empty one. Hey, don't laugh I know lots of people like that You see that a lot especially with people whose dream is to retire on or near the beach

[01:41] So are you gonna be in want to be who belalos out there take note, you know over the years I've had the opportunity to talk to lots of gringles and expats who have retired here in Latin America It's the ones that sit around lounging all day and don't have any hobbies That seemed at least happy in their little version of paradise Funny thing just like getting ready to go on a big trip Sometimes the anticipation is a lot more fun than the actual trip Same thing goes for retirement, especially if you haven't got anything to do once you get there In fact, I remember a long time ago when I was still up in Chicago My mother being that she's always been a teacher professor Therefore there were lots of teachers and professors hanging around all the time I'd see him at the house at dinners at events and many many of them were counting down the days of the years

[02:26] To their retirement looking ahead towards retirement seems to have been most teachers national pastime Even back then when teachers were able to discipline bad kids and not get canceled when teachers actually had control over their classrooms Back then the word canceled had a completely different definition like a canceled check. I remember and it was more than 30 years ago I'd hear lots and lots of retirement countdown stories that those get togethers I've only got eight or five or four more years or 16 months Even back then it was kind of sad knowing that all those teachers wanted to get the hell out. They hated their jobs Imagine what they feel like now 30 something years later now that they've lost what little autonomy and control that they had Well, that's the subject of an email. I just got from a longtime listener Lenny

[03:12] He says Johnny I for one as a university professor can't wait to get the hell out of here It wasn't so great in the 80s and 90s, especially when they started bringing in the metal detectors That to me signaled the beginning of the end believe it or not John even we the professors and the teachers have to pass through the metal detectors as if we're gonna bring in the Glocks in the AK 47 Though I can assure you us teachers and professors do get rattled enough to seriously toy with the idea But now in the 21st century, it's completely out of control, especially since the iPhone came around Now as teachers and professors have to get up and do a song and dance and hope that we're interesting enough that our students Aren't looking at their phones every 30 seconds instead of every three or four minutes as usual in the old days from

[03:58] 2000 to 2010 we could take the phones away from the kids that was allowed It was a distraction But we can't do that anymore because the phone is their life and they do their studies and research on their phone these days Or at least they pretend to do so Johnny as teachers and professors have lost the battle. We're competing with these digital drugs and it's clearly Completely out of control. We lost that war already if you ask yourself There's all this technology new iPhones coming out every year with a million apps. Does that make people happy? Nope Does it help make kids smarter more attentive? Absolutely not Kids are more wired stressed and depressed than ever. In fact, my university has not one or two, but three student psychologists They're booked all the time to according to them. Every kid's got low self-esteem

[04:47] It's got a psychological problem and I believe they do people just aren't happy and sometimes I wonder if they prefer being unhappy Because we take their cell phones away from them. They freak out even more on that subject Did you know there's a new lifestyle fed emerging from California? Where else Silicon Valley it's called dopamine fasting which involves cutting yourself off from almost all Stimulation for 24 hours. Of course, that means cell phones and social media the toughest addiction of all Why'd that come about because people are so overloaded by media and distractions and a constant dopamine hits from likes on social media Eventually people become numb to it. In fact, there's a new media disease called anhedonia defined as inability to feel pleasure Psychologists are talking a lot about it these days because it's so prevalent in people who have social media overload

[05:34] Anyway, Johnny S for me. I've got one more year to cash out with my retirement. I am getting out of Dodge completely I don't know exactly where but I know when in one year Then I'll do a little tour through Central America and see where I want to settle keep up the good work Johnny I've been listening since 2016 signed the professor PS Johnny being that there are actual talks in my school about Reparations for slavery. I'd like to chime in on that for a second not to be too controversial here But I'm thinking why don't we start by allowing people who are actually enslaved today? Yes, I said today Now to sue human traffickers that are trading them and exploiting them right now here in the 21st century

[06:22] But where are these people who are being bought and sold in the present day? People just don't like to hear this stuff because it doesn't involve evil white men and white privilege But here goes there is the big three Africa Middle Eastern Muslim countries in China. Oh Boy, Johnny, you're gonna get in trouble if you mention this on your show It's understandable if you bleep this part out one could get in trouble telling the truth these days You risk getting canceled fired even stoned in the Old Testament sense with rocks not dope the truth again is modern-day slavery does exist where Africa the Muslim Middle East and China, but it rarely gets reported because it's got nothing to do with toxic white man privilege or white supremacy Alright that comes from Lenny the professor. Good luck with that upcoming retirement there Lenny

[07:11] I hope you've got a few hobbies and as to whether me or my show gets canceled or not Well, I've certainly got my share of haters out there. So time will tell When one more thing land in the first world news feeds you always read about the terrible crime and all the killings here in Latin America yet, I don't think of all the tens of thousands of schools here in Latin America There's a single one that's got metal detectors nor has there ever been one single school shooting. What do you make of that? All right now a little comment about what I've been seeing pop up all over big Latin American cities these days Designated bike lanes, you know what I'm talking about Good idea, right give bicyclists their own lane because after all they're the most vulnerable. They get hit by a car and it's all over Anyway throughout Latin American big cities street crews are out all over the place

[07:57] Painting lines on heavily traveled roads and almost exclusively upscale neighborhoods giving bike riders their own safe path Problem is in Latin America. Yeah rarely see a single bike rider You got to wonder with all the missing and stolen Manhole covers and all the dickhead drivers with all the burnt-out taillights and headlights on their cars What kind of idiot bureaucrats are setting the priorities surely? They're not spending local government money on it It's some kind of grant or foundation, you know, the drill do good or feel good NGOs spreading their money around it's another gringle copycat thing that's turned into a complete disaster About those designated lanes, they're supposed to be exclusively for bicyclists, right? I mean, they got little bikes stenciled on them every 10 or 20 feet

[08:44] Some are even partitioned off with cement posts and pylons so cars don't swerve in or hog the lane Good idea, right? Well, this is Latin America where good ideas turn useless often even before the project gets started First of all, it's very rare to see anyone riding a bicycle in a big city Only on weekends in high-end neighborhoods It seems you ever see a bicycle and then more often than not there's a bodyguard in an SUV Tagging along 20 feet behind same thing with joggers. You rarely see them anywhere but in upscale neighborhoods on weekends sometimes in little groups or packs also being tagged from behind by an SUV full of bodyguards and When you're driving through an upscale neighborhood on a Sunday morning and you see a bicyclist or jogger

[09:30] They're wearing all the right brand name iridescent clothes and paraphernalia. It's all about the show, right? I mean, what kind of health benefit can you get from jogging or biking a half hour once a week? I guess it's better than nothing, but you have to know deep down. They're just putting on the dog for the neighbors now Don't get me wrong. I'm not against having separate little bike paths and jogging trails. That's great Problem is as soon as they create those things and designate them exclusively for bikes Because there are no bikes and a vacuum always gets filled the motorcycles the kookarotches of the roads take over Every time you see an exclusive jogging or bike path It gets taken over by moron motorcyclists often going the wrong way against traffic on that road

[10:15] That means if there was a bicyclist on that intended road He'd be risking a head-on collision and nobody does a single thing about it The cops could be standing right there and they don't even give a motorcyclist breaking the law Second look even if he's going the wrong way down a one-way just like dickhead motorcyclists Don't care when they run red lights They do it all the time right in front of transit cops, too The cops don't even bet an eye. However, if you or I were to run a red light in front of a transit cop With a car I mean not a motorcycle if he couldn't flag you down and you kept right on going at least he'd make an effort to Get your plate then there is a chance when you renew your license at the end of the year There will be a fine attached that you have to pay before they'll renew your plate Now remember things are different here in Latin America regarding car license plates and your own personal driver's license in

[11:05] Most Latin countries you see the ticket does not go to the driver. It goes to the owner of the car Let's say for example You made an illegal U-turn the cop happens to pull you over because he's standing right there or a group of them are standing right there There are various traps like that in big cities because they know that's a particularly common place for people to make illegal u-turns There are dozens of u-turn traps like that in every big city Oh and Latin American cities also have a huge problem with repetitive one-way roads to yet more proof They've just got some unbelievably bad or unqualified or under qualified civil engineers and road designers For example in Guatemala City, it's a pretty big city two million of people or so They've got a place in a decent area called zone 9

[11:52] Where there are four one-way streets going the very same way all Contiguous and parallel to each other in other words if you're driving down a main Boulevard You want to take a left you can't because it's a one-way street if you turn you can only turn right So you go to the next corner? Another one-way street and you can't turn left only right go to the next quarter to try to turn left You can't cuz it's a one-way street. You can only turn right So you pull up to the next corner you can't turn left cuz it's another one-way street going right man I can't tell you how many millions of swear words must have crossed the lips of gringles driving through Latin American cities Every single one of us long-term gringles and expats have exploded thousands of times wondering which idiot government dickhead is responsible for such monumental stupidity

[12:38] I know why it happens and why it's solely ubiquitous throughout Latin America. Take the case of Hugo Chavez Remember Venezuela's dictator the one that ground the Latin American country with a highest GDP into the dirt Well, I'll tell you what he did when he got to be president He nationalized the oil industry and kicked out everyone like BP and Chevron Standard oil etc and put all his friends cronies and relatives in positions They had no experience or aptitude for yep He put his cronies in charge of the oil company refineries The problem is when a person gets voted into a high-level government job It becomes a full employment act for your family and friends. Everybody knows that in Latin America Of course that happens in government up in the states too But there are slightly higher standards like for example a college degree pretty much any degree doesn't matter if it's drama

[13:29] Archery or gender studies once Uncle Pete becomes a congressman your lard ass will have a do-nothing paper pushing job for life Well for Uncle Pete's life. Anyway, by the way Speaking of Hugo Chavez and Maduro and the rise and fall of Venezuela comes this email from Frederico He says Johnny. I'm very disappointed in what I see coming from the news media in the United States I'm a radiologist who escaped Venezuela two years ago I got out with my two brothers one's a businessman and once a journalist and my mother First landing in Colombia then Panama and then on to the United States It took us two years, but we were able to get visas because we're all three professionals Even my mother who was a biology teacher. It wasn't till we got to the United States specifically, Miami, Florida

[14:15] We have some blood relatives there That we started seeing in the newspapers and in the press and hearing rumors that the Venezuelan crisis was caused Not by Maduro or Chavez, but by the US and its sanctions against Venezuela I wonder as do thousands of Venezuelan businessmen lawyers professionals journalists community leaders, etc Where the US media is getting that information that propaganda? It's as if they've never spoken to any Venezuelans who actually live there did you know 6 million of us Venezuelans have escaped in the last 10 years and with Venezuelans population of 30 million that means one out of every five Venezuelans has escaped the country and Yet it seems not a single media source in the US has interviewed any one of us. Where are they getting their information?

[15:06] Why are they not reporting the facts? What's their game plan? Number one the Venezuelan crisis does not come from US sanctions every single Venezuelan. I know we'll swear to that Yet that's exactly opposite of what we're hearing in the US media Yes, of course, there are US sanctions, but they're far from being the cause of the crisis What they have done though is put a brake on the suffering of the Venezuelan people since they help expose criminal activities of the Maduro regime I repeat the serious economic and structural crisis that Venezuela is suffering right now happened very much prior to US sanctions The truth is that the crisis and unspeakable hardships and humiliations under what can be defined as continued genocide

[15:53] What has caused the exodus of six million people is due in the first place to economic and monetary policies implemented under the advice of other failed authoritarian allies like Cuba You might recall when Chavez was alive his number one ally and hero was Fidel Castro Since then there's been a systematic destruction of the productive apparatus of our country and of the business sector The regime dismantled the rule of law and collapsed the legal security. We once had and now there's Unprecedented corruption never forget that Nicolas Maduro is an ally of Russia Iran Cuba Nicaragua and China And of the drug cartels of Colombia Bolivia and Mexico and of terrorist groups such as Hezbollah the ELN and FARC

[16:41] in fact Venezuela is full of active anti-western anti-christian Muslim terrorist cells with Iran having made deals with Chavez Maduro for cash, oil and Venezuelan passports And as far as those US sanctions those direct efforts have exposed the fact that the regime and its officials continuously violate human rights, trade in stolen and donated food, medicine and basic necessities and continue to do so without the slightest bit of transparency The saddest thing though is I had so much hope when I arrived in the US and now I'm disillusioned with the US media They couldn't get the Venezuela situation more wrong Signed Lorenzo looking for a plan C Alright Lorenzo, thanks for that. But you know, you're preaching to the choir here

[17:31] I get the same thing from the horse's mouth almost every day my girlfriend's Venezuela Escaped the country with her brother, her mother and her stepfather She was a business woman in Caracas had three clothing stores in a big central mall And one day a group of military guys came in and started taping little flyers on every door and every business in that mall They said don't be alarmed. Everything's fine. Keep on working. It's just that we've Nationalized this shopping mall you can still work in your place of business buy and sell But the titles for your properties have reverted back to the state your stores and storefronts are the people's property now well, you can imagine what the owners of those businesses were feeling at that moment because Like she said at least half of the people in that commercial center had bought their little commercial spaces

[18:18] now she said that most of the small commercial spaces had a value of from 40 to maybe $80,000 and she had three that were bought and paid for so she lost More than 150 thousand bucks and she'd worked years to clear that debt and you get those properties free and clear and that's really big Money in Latin America. She lost her life savings and couldn't do a thing about it nor could anyone else She said the same thing happened to at least 50 other people who own their businesses in that particular commercial center That happened in hundreds of commercial centers all over the country That was three years ago and it took about a half a year for her to make a plan and organize her and her family's escape By the way, she left two brothers behind in Caracas because one of them was head of the Red Cross He was getting paid in dollars. So he was doing all right and every day the dollar appreciates against the Boulevard

[19:09] He's one of the lucky ones The thing is though every time you get into a conversation with her or her family members They get so mad when they hear people or the news media say that the US and its self-abed agencies and sanctions caused it all There are cookie-cutter news explanations of why Venezuela hit the skids But they never interview people who had boots on the ground and actually lived through it She says why don't they interview me or my brother or my mother will tell them the truth Venezuela was on its road to destruction before the US authorized a single sanction By the way, she speaks five languages some of them better than others, of course But the thing that amazed me most is that she speaks Arabic and I thought man I've been in Latin America 30 years and I've never met a latino or latino who spoke Arabic

[19:56] I don't even know a single gringo who speaks Arabic. I said, did you learn it in school or something? She said no, I learned it by osmosis because there are so many Muslims in Caracas She said they were coming into her stores all the time and all their suppliers were Muslims, too Most all from Iran or Lebanon. That's Lebanon. You gotta wonder how that happened In fact, she said there are so many Muslims in Caracas her own brother's girlfriend Solemnity's Muslim who rejected Mohammed, but not at first not right away. It took a while now get this About this Muslim girl her parents live in Lebanon, Lebanon They allowed her to go to Caracas because her relatives live there They owned some clothing stores and such too But here's the thing she got so westernized working at the clothing store being on social media fakebook and all that

[20:44] Seeing that all the girls wanted to look to best and in the fashion industry There was cutthroat competition and lots of girls were getting plastic surgery Not to mention she was so many thousands of miles away from her very conservative parents Well to compete with the other beautiful Venezuelan Latinas She decided to get some plastic surgery yourself the usual stuff done in that next of woods blue job and the bbl You know Brazilian butt lift and that turns out to be a no-no with strict Muslims back in the home country And you can't keep something like that a secret forever So now she can't go back to Lebanon under fear of well being stoned or whipped in the public square Whatever they do to bad little Muslim girls who adopt too many decadent Western habits But worst of all is that she's living in sin with a non-muslim Latino guy

[21:30] So she's stuck in Caracas forever. She can never go back by the way I mentioned you can't keep a secret like that forever Let me tell you there's a big difference between the attitude ladies in the United States have about plastic surgery Versus the attitude latinas here in Latin America have about plastic surgery Seems as if in the states when ladies have plastic surgery, they get it all the time, but still they'll deny it They try to keep it a secret though. It's not so easy to do It's something they only choose to talk about with a few close friends, especially older ladies who go under the knife Whereas in Latin America latinas are very open to telling you about it In fact a good expat friend of mine living in Guatemala told me now for the first time he's got a latina girlfriend He came down with a gringo wife some years ago and the both of them kind of grew apart They got divorced but stayed living in Latin America

[22:17] She's now with a Latino guy and he found his latina girl of his dreams and he told me Johnny You know what I was caught off guard a bit when we talked about some of the goals She might have in her life. She said she always wanted to get a boob job. So naturally he got her boob job I hear that story over and over again latinas want to get surgery, but they haven't got the money now Of course, it's much cheaper here in Latin America probably half or even a third of what it costs in the States for whatever You might be getting done But still it's way out of reach for the average latina It might be a half year to a year's salary And that's why so many of them when they finally get a boyfriend or husband who's got some dough They go for it and they've got absolutely no compunction about letting the world know it for most latinas It's kind of a status symbol. In fact, I can't tell you how many times I've heard a latina say to me Yo soy recien operada means I've been recently operated and they crack a smile. They're really happy about it

[23:06] There's no shame at all in the telling but even before they get operated on when they're still just dreaming about it I've heard a number of latinas say as they're looking at some other hot latina walk by yo quiero lipo I'd like to get some liposuction or quiero levanta nalcas Which means I'd like a butt lift now I know how this must sound to a lot of you up in the states who've never been down here or speak no Spanish So you don't hear those kind of conversations Or perhaps you just might think I'm hanging around with the wrong kind of girls, but man I'm telling you it's a different world down here though I hardly think you're gonna get those kind of revelations on your date night if you don't speak Spanish That's how I get the scoop always in Spanish almost never in English because I'll tell you whether you're a gringo or gringo And yeah speak decent Spanish. You've really broken the ice suddenly you're in their world now

[23:55] As far as latinas and their plastic surgery desires It's not just the 20-somethings who are saying it out loud and doing it It's the 50 and 60 year olds do in fact just about a week ago a gringo friend of mine was talking about his new latina Girlfriend he's around 55. She's around 40. He met her at the local gym, and she's in really good shape She really takes care of herself, and he was on a date with her and he was telling her how great she looked how fantastic She was put together. He said I don't get it. I'm a five or six and you're a ten She gave him a funny look like she didn't quite understand. He said you know up in the states I was a five or a six, so I went out with fives and sixes I never had a girl as beautiful as you would never nines and tens. I never went for they always turned me down I wouldn't even try who needs the rejection And here's what she said me a ten you're just saying that to be nice

[24:43] You know I don't like my butt miss now guys. It's on my list some day She says someday when I can afford it now all that happened on the guy's second date Oh, and the guy said to her what about me? I've got no butt at all You know most of some eric and guys don't have anything back there. She goes no me importa Which means that's not important to me She said even if a guy's got a little panza no me importa a panza is a belly Now I've had girlfriends see pretty much the same thing to me I haven't got a belly, but I haven't got a butt either that flat butt syndrome seems to be a Caucasian thing Oh, and one of the things I have found out about love romance and sex here in Latin America in my 30 years down here Is that Latinas care far less about having a studly handsome guy than you'd think though?

[25:33] I guess all adolescent and young 20-something girls would like that yep American and European girls Too the handsome studly types do have a big advantage with young ladies while the average and nerdly guys suffer the tortures of the damned Though generally after a lady hits her mid-20s. She does get over the narcissistic steadily types when she finds out what they're really like She's done fooling around with guys like that unless of course She's gotten knocked up then she and the kid are stuck having to deal with the guy forever cuz he is the daddy You know anyway, I found out as far as latinas They much prefer a nice guy who doesn't lie to him a guy who's faithful sincere does what he says Doesn't get drunk too often and doesn't hit her and believe it There's not a lot of Latin guys out there who fit that profile But that's the way the dating pool is that's all the Latinas have to choose from so here's my advice

[26:21] Remember you get what you pay for You know I've talked to many Gonna be and want to be gringo expats and new fresh green gringos who've told me during private discussions that They don't like a girl who's had plastic surgery somehow it rubs him the wrong way or it turns him off Well, I'm here to tell you that especially with the girls from these particular countries Venezuela, Colombia Panama Costa Rica Puerto Rico Dominican Republic Argentina Chile and Mexico I think you better rethink your stance a bit because in those particular countries plastic surgery for ladies is sort of looked upon like Going to the dentist Now I'm not saying whether that's right or wrong. I'm just telling you how it is Remember the name of the show the expert files living in Latin America. I'm just filling you in And as for the countries, I haven't mentioned like Guatemala El Salvador Paraguay Honduras Uruguay, etc

[27:13] Though the vast majority of girls there are not oparada It's only because they don't have the dough and they certainly would go for it if given half the chance I guarantee you as for young Latinas anyway It's on most of their bucket lists rich middle-class or poor and you'll find they're not afraid to talk about You've been listening to the expat files living in Latin America If you need some help with your own plan be we can schedule a one-on-one phone or Skype consult Just send me an email the expat files at gmail.com And if you want to get on the waiting list for my next week-long expat insider seminar in Central America Where you're guaranteed to get a two to five year head start on your plan B Send me an email the expat files at gmail.com