#1145 – The Expat Files: Life, Culture, and Challenges in Latin America

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border, down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came out to play and now as I wander Hello there all you ex-pat wannabes I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the Exped Files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started You know, I get lots and lots of emails from listeners in Canada They want to get the hell out of dodge in the worst way perhaps twice as much as most Americans who've got half a brain Wait a minute. Canadians are Americans, aren't they? Well, I mean most US citizens who got half a brain come to think of it Central and South Americans are Americans, too

[00:50] Right, so you've got a problem with the rhetoric here But we always have though. I gotta say every Central and South American even Mexican Refer to US citizens as Americans Americanos Just like my favorite cup of coffee is cafe Americano. However, that came about or got named. I'll never know What makes a cup of a cafe Americano American coffee? Something particularly American. Well, it doesn't but I gotta say when you go into a coffee shop and they've got an espresso machine You know one of those big expensive Italian jobs I'm talking about both here in Latin America and in Europe You've got to be kind of specific when ordering cafe Americano Which to anyone who knows his coffee has to be prepared with a real espresso machine

[01:35] In other words, it's just espresso with a lot of water making it a full cup of coffee Not so intense and bitter as a regular espresso that you drink from one of those little demitas cups Yep, that's what they call those little cups demitas You probably knew that already but some of us dumb gringos who came down from Midwestern states like Illinois our mothers never told us about Emily post then again I bet if you ask any Gen Xers wires or Millennials, they never heard of a red Emily post either Anyway, you drink espresso out of demitas cups Which is redundant because the tasks and the demitas means cups. So a demi cost cup is a demi which means half cup cup You see it's redundant half cup cup Once again, if you weren't paying attention TAS is the root word for TASA, which means cup in Spanish

[02:24] Means the same in an old form of Latin too Anyway, if you're like me and you order cafe Americano That's plain black coffee out of the espresso machine and believe me That's the only way to drink black coffee never out of one of those fun Perculators that you see in every cafeteria and restaurant those things just keep reheating and regurgitating the same coffee all day long Whereas coffee out of an espresso machine is completely different They grind the beans right there and you're getting it absolutely fresh and then hot steamed water is forced through it Extracting all the essence in one shot. I don't know why I'm telling you all this because you probably don't like coffee There are five or six people in the world who don't you know? I'll tell you what I've never been a homegrown Latin American who doesn't drink coffee He might not actually like the taste of it But he gets a boost from it in the morning like so many tens of millions of others

[03:13] Speaking of coffee. Here's a tip if you go into a coffee shop And you want a pure cup of cafe Americano the way it's supposed to be brewed and believe me There is a huge difference again. That's just straight black coffee You can put your own sugar and cream in if you like oh and some of us like me like it's straight up Nothing added no milk sugar cream. Here's the tip Make sure when you're in a coffee shop when you order cafe Americano you say cafe Americano in la machina out of the machine Otherwise you're likely to get that regurgitated percolator bun type coffee that always tastes kind of flat yeah, just might get that rat gut if you don't specify out of the machine and La machina the easiest way to tell by looking just check out if there's any foam on the top of the coffee When it arrives in front of you if there is it came out of the machine if it's not it just may have been

[03:59] Reheated regurgitated in one of those big-ass percolators all day long oh and by the way They always put the cheapest stuff in those big percolators It's a way for restaurants and cafeterias to get off cheap Because it doesn't matter if you put the good expensive grounds in there it still comes out tasting the same stale flat and regurgitated Like campfire cowboy coffee in the old John Wayne movies So when you get regular cafeteria coffee out of one of those percolator machines You're always getting the cheapest brand of coffee then again 80% of Americans are so used to that kind of rat got coffee That'd be the Folgers butternut and Hills Brothers crowd That's all their moms had in the house since they were little kids, so that's all they know And the fact that people can get so used to things that aren't great It reminds me that three-stage triple canister water filter

[04:44] I have under my sink some of you guys have asked me for the plans for that if you remember it consists of a carbon Block filter a ceramic filter in another carbon block filter. Oh and the ceramic part of the filter is treated with colloidal silver So as you might imagine I've got a little spout for that water Mounted near the sink and so far I've had a handful of Latinos and Latinas tell me my ultra pure water tastes funny to them now Why do you think they'd come out and tell me that because it doesn't taste like the plastic impregnated bottled water. They're all drinking That's what they're used to I've tasted their bottled water and almost all of it tastes a little plasticized And why wouldn't it seems like every Latinos car I get into there's a bottle of water sitting in the center council Getting baked by the Sun and at certain times of the day when you're driving around you see water trucks delivering those got-up phones

[05:33] those five-gallon plastic jugs of water to restaurants bars grocery stores little tienes and homes and what do they do if no one answers the door they just put it out on The porch or in the back alley where the tropical Sun bakes the hell out of it I've been in Latin American cars where the bottled water sitting in the center council is so hot when you put your hand at It you got to believe the plastic and contact is leaching right into the water And that believe it or not doesn't seem to bother Latinos one little bit come on tell the truth How many times have you had a drink of water and it tastes like plastic and when I try to explain it to the enlightened few You know the ones that I think are gonna get it they nod and say yeah I guess you're right, but they don't do anything about it next time you ride with them It's the same damn thing So I'm warning you if you've been drinking bottled water out of plastic and you come to my house

[06:18] My water just might taste funny to you and sometimes believe it or not when I go to a coffee shop I'll refuse the coffee because I can actually taste the plastic. Why wouldn't I they're getting their water from those five gallon jugs They'd often sit in the Sun all day, too But I digress as usual we were talking about the huge increase in Canadians who are looking to get the hell out of Dodge I get emails from those disgruntled and pissed off folks all the time like this one for example from mr. S He says hello, Johnny My father and I have been listening to your show now for almost a year You're showing the topics you cover are quite often what we end up talking about over the phone Oh and another thing through you I connected with Captain Mango back in October over a video call It was great meeting him and talking about all things crypto. We also talked about the coffee plantation

[07:05] He's building with lawyer Jose and all sorts of different things I'm finally ready to start my plan B and work on getting out of Dodge. Let me tell you about myself My name is mr. S And I'm a 27 year old Canadian these past few years have really opened my eyes to how much of a wreck my country is Before the scam Demick I saw some of the writing on the wall But was too young and dumb to start taking any definitive action The scam Demick was the kick in the ass I needed in September of 2020 I started an online dental business and I've been working hard to get that running smoothly so I can Leave Canada behind. I believe all Western countries are doomed between tyrannical governments the end of personal freedom record-hide inflation The woke agenda and much much more Which I know you are already full aware of I see no way that the sinking ship will ever be saved our tyrannical leader

[07:57] Justin Turdo Has shown his true colors throughout the pandemic, but especially during the trucker convoy and how he treated us He's made it clear that he is against me in multiple key pillars of my life He is against small businesses to against crypto holders and those who don't buy the science the bureaucratic version of science Unfortunately as a result of my stance and beliefs I am a prisoner in my own country due to not taking any doses of the prescribed quote juice All this just invigorates me even more to give Trudeau the middle finger and get out of Canada as soon as I can My goal is to get a few residencies down in Central and South America and then give up my residency in Canada So I don't have to contribute my hard-earned money to any of the political agendas and corrupt evil politicians in Canada anymore

[08:45] I'm planning on exploring El Salvador first and getting a residency there I'm interested in what the president there is doing with Bitcoin as well as the cool things happening at Bitcoin Beach Anyway, Johnny as you've mentioned in your podcast numerous times having a good lawyer is foundational and having success in Latin America Then he says what would be your recommendation for finding a lawyer or how to find a good honest one and Johnny Thanks for all the value and information you provide on your show Cheers, mr. S Well, thanks for that. Mr. S and I still don't understand why you keep boating in guys Like turtle those maggots just keep getting elected over and over again. That's one of the reasons you're right. Mr S the ship is sinking it can't be fixed and the only answer is to go down with it or get the hell out of

[09:31] Now about finding a good lawyer in Latin America one that'll work for you I'd say the best thing to do is go back in the archives. I've talked about lawyers so many time including how to find a good one I don't recommend by the way going into a gringo expat bar and asking if someone's got a lawyer They all have one, you know Everyone in a gringo bar wants you to buy him a drink So they'll have a suggestion for a lawyer or a plumber or an electrician They're just loaded with information and anecdotes as long as you buy him a drink But as far as lawyers finding one that doesn't charge gringo prices speaks English and is connected. That's another thing There are lots of lawyers but lawyers who are connected That's another thing altogether For example, if you get yourself in a jam and lots of gringos have done that whether it's real estate or title problems getting sued Hiring firing and employee problems getting pulled over by the cops at midnight residency stuff landlord disputes, etc, etc

[10:21] Yeah, really you need a lawyer who's connected that is if he can't do whatever is necessary He knows a guy who knows a guy who can They'll tell you it's a lot easier to find a lawyer who will work hard for you off The gringo tourist trail then on the trail because on the trail most English-speaking Latino lawyers are jaded That's not to say that they aren't honest and won't do a good job for you But finding one that won't gouge you is much harder on the gringo tourist trail where the gringo dollar is everywhere and it's contaminated most locals including lawyers Here's another tip on the gringo tourist trail. You'll see lawyers are always putting on the dog They have to keep up with the status of their gringo clients At least they think they have to they think they need to do that to get respect from their clients. So they look successful That's why lawyers on the gringo tourist trail. We drive a nice big ass SUVs

[11:11] Oftentimes a BMW even a sports car they'll dress upscale have expensive hobbies send their kids to expensive helicopter schools and They'll hop back and forth to the states You see my jammy with their wives to do shopping a couple times a year and they'll even subtly brag about it Bring it up in conversation that they're heading off to Miami next week But you know one thing they don't get a screen goes to next pets. I'm not at all impressed by that Same thing with accountants physicians dentists any professional We don't care what they're driving or where they live as long as they do a great job We don't care if they have a Rolex wear designer clothes or they hang out at the most expensive health club In fact for me, it makes a statement. It makes me kind of suspicious that they're charging way too much But you know when on the tourist trail, they charge what the market will bear. They know gringos will pay

[11:56] I guess it's inevitable though with professionals on the gringo tourist trail with all those gringo clients They try to keep up with the gringo style of living and that costs gringo style money, doesn't it? And where do you think that comes from? So I say beware of Latino lawyers with kids at expensive helicopter schools worse yet If they're sending their kids off to college in the u.s. Or Europe that'll set a guy back 50 grand or more a year per kid because you're from out of state out of country That's usually double the normal tuition Oh and also be aware of Latino lawyers who live in expensive high-end subdivisions and drive brand new not used SUVs and look out when their wives kids and or girlfriends have memberships at the most expensive health clubs Oh and about that SUV thing a lot of people have SUVs these days, right?

[12:43] You buy a new one. It's gonna cost you 50 grand or more generally whereas one that's a couple years old He used one could cost half that or less So you shouldn't really judge your lawyer by his SUV unless it's a brand new one that he changes every year or so The tip here is you shouldn't get a Latino lawyer That's always putting on the dog always trying to keep up with the gringo Jones's a guy who's out to impress everyone that he's a High earner now, I know I know there's some contradiction in that statement because here in Latin America It is all about the show all about looking a little bit richer than your neighbors The fact is Latinos with decent credit at the bank just like gringos up in the States But all their goodies on credit cards, so their plastic is all jacked up But they haven't got any cash in the bank in case of emergency

[13:30] Like so many millions of Americans they're slaves to the monthly credit card payments. In fact, just two days ago I was at a hospital in the laboratory waiting room. Maybe 15 or 20 seats. They're mostly filled Everyone's eyes on that big flat-screen TV on the wall people look at it to see if their numbers being served Well, it turns out where I was sitting there were two ATM machines is only about eight feet away People there would file up to it one by one and they'd stop and dip into their purses or wallets right in front of me No Z guy that am I watched what they were doing and the first three people up were middle-class ladies who pulled out get this the equivalent of $20 in the local funny money. Come on 20 bucks When's the last time you went to an ATM machine and pulled up just 20 bucks

[14:16] It says a lot about the culture and the cost of living here in Latin America, doesn't it? Anyway after the three ladies the fourth guy a distinguished looking guy with a leather briefcase Looked like he was a lawyer or doctor or something some kind of professional pull the credit card Or maybe it was a debit card who knows out of his wallet stuck it in got rejected in sufficient funds Put a second one in got rejected put a third one in got rejected Oh, by the way, this guy had a keychain with the remote control on the keyring with a Mercedes Benz logo on it So we know what kind of car he was driving Finally credit card number four worked, but I did notice he must have had 12 credit cards in his hand One of them a gold American Express. You got to wonder how does that happen? That kind of stuff reminds me of the 80s and 90s back in Chicago where it seemed like the more credit cards you had

[15:07] The more important or connected to the world of commerce You felt only to realize by the end of the 90s the more credit cards You had the more levels you descended in Dante's version of hell But then there's that lag time thing here in Latin America. We're always talking about Latinos are way behind the curve on that one probably 20 years They still think the more credit cards or debit cards the better all that plastic in their wallet makes them feel important makes them feel good Connected to worldwide commerce, by the way I don't know if I've mentioned this before but Latin America runs on cash and debit cards not credit cards In fact, I'd say only about one in 20 cards in use out. There are actual credit cards Why because it takes a long time and a long history with a bank for them to start offering you a real credit card

[15:55] Of course, when you first open a bank account, you get a debit card right away But they won't issue a credit card unless you provide all kinds of documentation about your work That is a reference copies of other real credit cards months and months of bank statements from other banks You've had accounts at utility and rent bills, etc. Etc. And most Latinos just can't provide that kind of stuff The problem is throughout Latin America. There really are no Sophisticated and organized credit bureaus or credit scores. That's another lag time thing sure it'll come but it's not here yet Though admittedly those things are a pain in the ass because they often get things wrong And if your credit score ends up in the crapper by mistake It's hell to correct and even if it's fixed it still sort of follows you around for life But down here, that's not an issue yet

[16:41] Though the banks and loan companies share data the real loan companies not the loan sharks They've got an ongoing list of dead beats, but there is no really organized credit reporting system like there is up in the states However, when you're with a bank for a couple of years and you come up clean you haven't had any issues No bounce checks or overdrafts. You'll start getting those credit card offers The marketing designed of course to make you feel good a gold star on your forehead Like you finally hit the big time you finally arrived. Yeah, you've arrived All right in that black hole of stress where you'll be continuously chasing your tail likely forever So again getting an actual credit card a Visa MasterCard Whatever from a bank down here in Latin America is not that easy Though gringles and expense have a much easier time getting one than the locals because we often have credit cards from banks up in

[17:32] The states that are in good standing that greases the skids But now you know why there is a loan shark in every neighborhood All right, let's take another email this one from one of our many Dave's In fact, I think this email just might be from the original Dave Dave number one He says hey Johnny in two weeks It'll be my five-year Guatemalan anniversary, and I'm still struggling to learn Spanish Partially because I stay here a year and then have to go back to the states for a year to deal with family Issues and such so I forget what I've learned That's happened to be twice already Thankfully though I've been back in Guatemala now since August and I no longer have to go back to the states I'm really trying to learn the language here so I can have some normal day-to-day conversations with people in town I've figured out now what my problem really is aside from being 54 and not having the absorbent sponge of a brain

[18:22] That I had in my youth It's my hearing Johnny as a teen I damaged my hearing due to loud music and I've had tinnitus in both years ever since the older I got the worse it got for years I've been saying what when someone says something to me and when I do actually hear them It's only about half of what they said and I have to piece it together And that's when it's in English imagine me trying to decipher Spanish that way for example just last night I was at this new jazz cafe here in Panahachal Imagine that a jazz cafe in Panahachal Guatemala All right me Johnny just breaking in here for a second You know he's talking about Lake Atitlan considered the first or second most beautiful lake in the world He's talking about Panahachal the first town you get to when you're coming from the main highway the Pan American highway

[19:09] It's a little town about a mile high on the Ulti plan Oh, that's got around 14 or 15,000 people and because it's the first time you could drive to from the Pan American highway It's got the most tourists too though. It's in no way like a first world tourist town Still on weekends you get a lot of day trippers because you can drive there with your car Most of the other 12 or so little cities around the lake you have to get to by boat It's a fun ride actually, but too big a stretch for simple day trippers You might remember be telling you there are little lunches or boats that go off about every half hour and circle lake You get on you pay a buck or two and they drop you off at the pier of whatever little town you want to go to Oh, and by the way, the cool thing is if you have a house right on the lake a lot of people do

[19:55] You can have your own peer and then that boat will stop at your personal peer and pick you up. There's really nothing like it So anyway, Dave's talking about being in Panachell Just last night at a jazz cafe and he says the person on stage was speaking and singing in five different languages He was a German by nationality and when he did speak Spanish, I could actually hear what he was saying That's because he was amplified Then he says it was right then and there I decided to find out about hearing aids in this country I've been waiting for the quote personal sound amplification products PS a PS Unquote to come to the market since the US made it legal for companies to manufacture such items Direct to consumers for a fraction of the cost of real hearing aids But I don't have the time to wait for that market to mature I figure I'll go down the hearing aid rabbit hole route here in Guatemala

[20:44] So I can get to learning the language and by the time I can hold a conversation Maybe I'll go back to the states and get a fancy set of earbuds that I can use to make calls Listen to podcasts and use as hearing amplifiers, etc Then he says thanks, Johnny and he signs it the original Dave otherwise known as for toad Jones PS it was actually 10 years ago Johnny yesterday that I lost my pinky toe Hmm, Dave, I was wondering why you called yourself for toad Jones now. It's all making sense You had me baffled for the longest time. I never asked Anyway, then Dave comes in with another PS. He says Johnny. Do you have any leads on finding a good hearing aid doctor here? Hmm Dave, I'm glad you asked that question because you know what?

[21:31] I have the same problem as do so many of us baby boomer and post baby boomer types and it's not only that we listen to loud rock-and-roll music and was worse for me because I was on stage playing that music and Getting blasted directly. I believe hearing loss started with the general public with the advent of headphones before about I'd say 1970 there were no good full coverage headphones the kind that encapsulated or covered your whole ear and the company costs Koss came out with the very first ones that went viral before went viral was even a term Everyone I knew bought a pair of cost headphones. I think they were 35 bucks It was big money back then in today's dollars may be a hundred or so That was the first time non musicians in their little adolescent lives were able to blast themselves into sonic oblivion

[22:20] Us musicians even a speed grade ones were able to do that on a regular basis without the aid of earphones By the way I remember when I was graduating from engineering school cost headphones had an announcement on the school bulletin board saying they were Interviewing graduate engineers for design jobs. I didn't take the interview though because I didn't want to live in Milwaukee That's where cost was Anyway, Dave, I hear you or more than likely. I don't hear you. I Find myself saying what more and more times each day, too And being that Spanish is my second language. I find it's doubly true when someone speaks to me in Spanish. I say gay No, not gay. Okay. That's what in Spanish QUE gay or go mo see oh mo which translates How is that so Dave? Unfortunately, I'm heading down the same path that you are sooner or later

[23:09] I'm gonna end up with a hearing aid too, but not yet Not until the overwhelming majority of people around me say Johnny yet deep for something you need a damn hearing aid So what are the first signs of going deep? Well, thankfully it's little by little little by little you start cranking up the TV volume when you're watching a movie while everyone under 30 Is saying it's too damn loud and you know, it's time for a hearing aid when the sound equipment you've got even a TV Is cranked to 10 and that ain't enough But as far as hearing aids, there have been some great breakthroughs. I was talking to a expat insider seminar attendee Just a couple of months ago He's had hearing aids since he was young and he says there have been huge improvements So when and if my time comes i'll be hitting him up for advice And i'll be sure to pass it along because I know lots and lots of wrinkles and expats who are in the same boat

[23:57] You heavy metal headbangers out there know who i'm talking about It's funny though watching time go by seeing 60 70 even 80 year old guys bald-headed saggy guys with hip replacements still into heavy metal In its heyday back in the 70s 80s and 90s huda thonk, huh? Aside from that i'm glad today that dave explained the origin of four toad jones. He lost a toe I hope he somehow got reimbursed for that. You know about three maybe four years ago I told a story about a guy. I met an american surveyor actually a retired surveyor He retired very young at around i'd say 40 years old He moved on to latin american wanted to live on the beach where his wife wanted to live on the beach She's latina from up in the states american born and they came down to latin america because they too see what's happening up in the states

[24:45] And they wanted to get the hell out of dodge And being that she's u.s born latina and her parents were from latin america She speaks pretty good spanish and that's all in their favor If a couple comes down and one or more of them speaks spanish It really is a huge advantage when you first get down now The reason why i'm bringing this up is because that guy the american surveyor guy He too lost a toe when he was young. I believe it was in an amusement park in new jersey He was on one of the rides and it sheared his toe off. Ouch But anyway, he got a pretty huge settlement out of it If I remember correctly he gets something like 3500 a month for the rest of his life And luckily he said it hasn't hampered him from walking or doing a regular surveyor job. So He won kind of a backhanded lottery But anyway, here's what I learned from that guy after sitting with him for a while. He said

[25:33] He's buying a beachfront property But he would never buy a place that was under 50 foot in elevation From the local high tide line gringo is the next pass. He said seem to forget that they like living right on the ocean And that's not a good idea considering that in the last quarter century There have been some fairly big ocean bound earthquakes that have caused tsunamis Fukushima for one. I know I said this a while back a couple years ago, but it's worth repeating The biggest earthquake in human history was in chile about 3500 years ago. It caused a 5000 mile long 50 foot high tsunami now, of course, that's a very extreme case a one-off you might say But more recently a lot more recently on may 22nd 1960 it was chile again what they called the great chilean earthquake the second biggest earthquake in human history

[26:24] It was 9.4 to 9.6 on the richter scale and caused a 30 foot high tsunami Now according to the surveyor guy, I mean he said a 30 foot ground level elevation from high tide would be plenty good Since there's only been one tsunami in human history that surpassed the 30 foot mark But still for his own peace of mind and he knows land and water levels He said he won't buy or build at a ground floor level. That's lower than 50 feet from high tide Let's consider 30 feet from high tide That would be about ceiling level on the third story of a building If a 30 foot tsunami rolled in like it did in chile in 1960 That would mean about 70 to 80 percent of all the luxury beach houses in the world would be underwater

[27:10] Bold over completely likely demolished So if you're into water and looking for a beach house Keep that in mind and for all you guys and gals out there who have beach property with the ground floor less than 30 feet above The local high tide mark the probability of being hit by a damaging tsunami in your lifetime is very small But hey, you are rolling the dice Just saying You've been listening to the expat files living in latin. America If you need some help with your own plan b we can schedule a one-on-one phone or skype consult Just send me an email the expat files at gmail.com And if you want to get on the waiting list for my next week-long expat insider seminar in central america Where you're guaranteed to get a two to five year head start on your plan b send me an email the expat files at gmail.com

[27:57] nos vamos