#1148 – The Expat Files: Navigating Latin America’s Roads, Culture, and Community

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came up to play and now that I wonder Hello there all you ex-pat wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great And it's all right here. So let's get started. All right Well this weekend I had another chance to help out a gringo in distress You know, I do that once a while and by the way, that's why I don't answer my phone all that much Because there's always a gringo in distress. Well not distress in a catastrophic sense

[00:45] It's just that so many gringos don't speak enough Spanish to be able to maneuver their way around when going and dealing with the locals Of course, there's always Google Translate, which I hate because you know once you're on it. They're just sucking up all your data Constructing a gigantic profile of you so that they can make money off you sell your info You spy on you with your permission know everywhere you go every move you make every inquiry and cite you visit But you knew that already, right? Don't get me started. So anyway people use Google Translate all the time when speaking to the locals Ninety-eight percent of the people whose Spanish sucks anyway, and as you know those of you have tried it It's not all that great. By the way, the other day I got pulled over by a transit cop Now remember the old gringo trick I've often talked about here on the show when you get pulled over by a cop you say no hablo espanol

[01:35] And 95% of the time the couple gets so frustrated. They'll just wave you on unless of course You've been in an accident or something. I'm talking about a regular moving offense or just getting routinely pulled over to side of the road You know, they've got those routine roadblock stops here where they'll just pick one car out of a hundred whatever check your papers Maybe look in the backseat or the trunk though that rarely happens to gringos and expats who pull that no hablo espanol thing Problem is though these days with Google Translate a lot of cops try to hablo English using that app Especially if you're on or near the gringo tourist trail when you're way on the bonies They won't even try and this time when the lady cop pulled me over and I said no hablo espanol She pulled up Google Translate and start typing away on her phone She asked me for the cars paperwork and the insurance coverage make sure it was up to date I handed her that

[02:25] Then she asked me for my license. Now. Here's the rub the driver's license I've been using presently is from another Latin American country Not the one I got stopped in and technically in most Latin countries You can only drive on your foreign license for 90 days And then you must get a local license or you're not allowed to drive or you could get a fine or worse And that's why the cop asked me how long I've been in the country I said just about a month and there was no way for her to prove otherwise Because the only proof of how long you've been in the country is the stamps on your passport, right? And I'd never carry my original passport with me unless I'm crossing borders or going to a bank To pull some money out then they request the original. Anyway, I always carry a paper hard copy of my passport But never the pages with the stamps on it just the main page

[03:13] So even if I got pulled over in a cop asked me for my passport Which has never happened to me, by the way, they only ask for your driver's license Even so I've got that paper copy to show them But again, it doesn't show the stamps the entries and exits just the main page But back to the point if I would have said I had been in the country Let's say four months then I'm beyond that 90 days I was talking about where you have to get a local driver's license to drive legally because your foreign driver's license is not valid after 90 days So when dealing with that transit cop, I got through that hurdle Okay, except she did notice on the driver's license I gave her which was issued from a neighboring Latin American country Therefore all the wording on the license was in Spanish So she read it and she noted instantly that driver's license had expired two years ago

[03:59] Then she gave me the evil eye pulled out her phone typed in a few words and phrases into Google Translate They came out in English and she handed the phone to me. It said you cannot be driving on this license It's expired. Then I typed a few phrases in to the translator on my phone. I never use Google Translate I use a fixed app does everything internally in my phone does not search the cloud or drop any data there So I typed the following into my phone due to the covid it panic of the last two years The Latin American government in question where my license was issued has been very slow They're dragging their feet on renewing and issuing new licenses Last time I went back there just a few months ago was closed in the lockdown You know what? She bought it hook line and sinker fact

[04:45] She said yes, it's a problem our own driver's license bureau was closed down for quite a few months, too She said Buenos tardes and weighed me on by the way for that little hack I'd like to thank my gringo buddy chase who told me he went through the same thing a couple of months ago with a cop And it worked like a charm Oh, and the thing to remember is Latin American cops aren't all that smart Remember that show about IQs in Latin America that we did a few weeks ago Recall the old adage those who can do and those who can't teach and those who can't teach get government jobs Man did a few good teachers out there hate that one including my mom by the way I asked her once what is the percentage of really good inspiring non-boring teachers out there? In other words teachers were just born to do it. That was their calling. She said 10% or less

[05:33] I said how you come up with that figure? She says well, just ask any person over 50 years old to tell you the teachers that most Motivated them are impacted their lives and most people can't name more than three Think of this you spend six months or a whole year with the same teacher And now we're a day five days a week for a half year or a whole year And then when you're 50 years old, you can't even remember their names. Talk about no lasting impression How about this for poor recall? Well, I remember way back in my first year of engineering school In fact, it was the very first day of orientation. There was an assembly the dean of the engineering school gave us a big pep talk I remember two things that he said Actually three he said you guys are a very select group just to be able to get into this school There were about 120 of us. I think he said only half of you will graduate

[06:23] And you successful ones will have two things in common one You're organized too. You'll write things down and not just notes for class. You'll carry a pen with you Of course, those were the days when engineering nerds were stereotyped as pencil necked geeks with pocket protectors Nope, I never had one pocket protector. That is ruined a lot of shirts though Now at that orientation where the dean spoke he also said of the 50 percent of you guys that will graduate About 10 percent of you will not survive in the private sector and we'll end up working for government So I guess that says it all By the way as with any career there's a hierarchy in engineering, you know, there's lots of different degrees There's electrical software Architectural engineers biomedical engineers nuclear solar materials mechanical structural microwave it and

[07:11] Telecommunication engineers to name just a few but did you know that is the scuttle butt between engineers themselves? There's a certain engineering specialty that ranks the lowest in prestige amongst fellow engineers and also has the easiest engineering school curriculum By far if you guessed civil engineering you'd be right You think that might have something to do with the fact that the vast majority of civil engineers end up working for federal state or local Governments how mind-numbing a prospect is that in other words civil engineers like ronnie dangerfield get no respect Hey, look in every profession. There's a hierarchy take medicine There are some specialists that have no glamour get no respect at all think colon rectal surgeons chiropractors and Proctologists, but I digress as usual point being the cops here in latin america to put it kindly

[08:00] Are not deep thinkers Does that make me sound like a jerk? I'm just speaking from experience here Hey in my couple of decades of living here in latin america i've spoken to and have been pulled over by many cops Just filling you in on what to expect when it happens to you Now I did start at the show by mentioning. I was on a mission to help a gringo in distress Here's what happened turns out this newbie gringo expat spent down here latin america, maybe five months His spanish is about a one which is about what I had when I first came down So he generally hangs with other gringles and expats which I see as a big mistake Because many gringos never get out of that cycle. They never get the broad new horizon and really get to know the locals Anyway, as are most newbie gringos who don't speak in spanish

[08:47] He's addicted to google translate Which can be another big mistake because most people who get addicted to that end up using it as a crutch forever and ever It's like never taking the training wheels off your bike Anyway, he calls me and says johnny remember that nice suv. I bought that honda crv 2018 model He said when I drove it off the lot everything was fine and they gave me a 30-day guarantee now It's about three months And all of a sudden I started it up the other day and I got four idiot lights on the dashboard Something's wrong with the engine the sensors the connectors. I don't know it still starts and runs Okay, and I know almost every latino car I get into has an idiot lighter too on it as you've mentioned in your show in the past They don't seem to bother anyone else But as gringos when we see lights like that we want to get a fix we want to know what's wrong

[09:34] It's sort of wears on you. You want to get down to the bottom of it? He said I took it to the honda dealer It's a first world place laid out just like a beautiful first world honda dealer in the states and the lady behind the decks Speaks a little english. I told her the problem and she set me up for an appointment in three days and told me The cost just for the diagnostic test is a hundred bucks. He said johnny I was shocked them's first world prices things are supposed to be cheap down here He said johnny you always know a guy who knows a guy. Can you help me out here? Do you know anybody that might be able to do the work at latino not gringle prices? Or am I stuck going to the honda dealership? He said johnny to pay a hundred bucks just to do the diagnostics before you even find out what's wrong I'm afraid to find out what the real repairs will cost And I said so you found out the hard way one of the truisms in latin

[10:22] America that american franchises coming down from the states are always the same price as up in the states first world expensive Then I asked him Have you seen all the little corner hole in the wall mechanic shops everywhere? I mean every three or four blocks you see one or two of them You shouldn't judge them by how they look. I know. I know many of them look so rustic and tacky Just a little lean two and a cement slab and a few cracked scuffed up plastic chairs for the customers to sit it out Not at all impressive But believe me a lot of these hole-in-the-wall mechanics know exactly what they're doing It's hard to believe too with everything electronic and computerized in cars these days that these hole-in-the-wall joints Some of them that don't even have running water can diagnose and fix really sophisticated car problems Same thing with hole-in-the-wall tv computer cell phone and appliance repair shops, too

[11:12] Of course, there's always mechanics and repair guys that don't know what the hell they're doing, too You just have to know the difference or know a guy who knows a guy Just like anything here in latin america. If you don't have connections, it could be hit or miss So I took my gringle buddy in his questionable car To an area that was just chock full of hole-in-the-wall appliance repair shops and car mechanics in a busy kind of scruffy Rundown commercial section of town not in any way dangerous. Just scruffy So we pulled off the main avenue down a long gravel road we drove behind some warehouses and commercial buildings and Suddenly we're in a rather big parking lot with little lean twos on either side of us Each of them with a mechanic doing his particular kind of work all of them specialists in their own area

[11:58] He could say it was kind of a loose co-op of mechanics There was a guy doing body work and painting cars with three or four cars in various stages of getting bumped out and painted And that guy didn't even have a lean to he was doing it in the open air Makes you think what the hell does that guy do during the rainy season? But still the one he was polishing looked rather sharp and he had some late model cars there, too So he must have been good because people with money trusted him enough to do their body work and paint I still don't get how body guys and painters can do that stuff in the open air with this sun As piercing as it is when it's high in the sky who knows maybe it's their version of an oven Maybe it's part of their process of baking and hardening the paint though. I doubt it Now right next to that guy was an open gravel space about as big as a one-car garage and next to that an open air lean to

[12:45] About the size of a one-car garage with a guy doing transmissions and alternators Next to that another gravel patch the size of a one-car garage and next to that another open air lean to again The size of a one-car garage and that's where the car Diagnostics guy had his business now remember none of these mechanics even had a waiting room or four walls These were lean twos now as for this diagnostics guy, he had a samsung tablet What he did all day long was diagnose car electronics problems and replace and repair bad sensors and car cameras and such That was his business. That's all he did And next to him the same drill a gravel patch and a lean to another guy doing nothing but car upholstery strictly upholstery And next to him another open air leading to with a guy doing nothing but car stereos and wiring audio systems into cars

[13:36] So everywhere there was that throbbing pounding toxic brain corroding ragged tone music Luckily, I had my earbuds so I could block out at least part of it Oh, and I mentioned this was kind of a loose co-op of mechanics They had a system. All right, and in one way it was pretty efficient This whole group of maybe six or seven little businesses and I mean little They had between them a delivery guy with his own crappy rice burning motorcycle And that's all he did all day was take orders for parts and he'd be zipping in and out every half hour or so He was their community gopher anything one of those mechanics or painters needed he'd get it on the spot I even saw him come in and deliver a car window and a bumper all strapped with bungee cords to the back of his motorcycle Oh and get this they had no municipal water

[14:23] None of them did but nevertheless they did have water. Nope They didn't steal it from the next door neighbor either Anytime they needed some for whatever reason they took a five gallon bucket walked to the edge of the lot Where there was a big cistern on the ground looked like a 500 gallon job. It had its own valve and water spout gravity feed One of the mechanics there told me a water truck comes in once a week and fills it up for 25 bucks The mechanics all split the bill eight ways now. Don't ask me about the bathroom I didn't even want to ask but it looks like they got a deal going with one of the rickety houses on the next lot I didn't want to find out. Oh and get this this mechanic co-op didn't have electricity either How is that possible you say? Well, they've got it sometimes but they're not on the grid What they have is a little Honda generator a small one, you know

[15:09] 2500 watts and every once in a while when they do need electricity for something or other Seems like every 20 minutes or so someone walks over and pulls the starter cord and I think pops to life And then they switch it off again A hell of a way to be doing business you might think just goes to show when there's a will you know the rest But hey, they get things done and man, are they cheap labor down here in latin america is so undervalued While inflation is kicking the hell out of everything else food cars energy construction materials escalating rapidly Just like up in the states, but the cost of labor here in latin america is still so damn cheap And it's not just day laborers and mechanics either right talk to a guy who's in middle management in a bank Not just a guy stuck in a cubicle. I'm talking about a guy who's got his own office and a personal secretary

[15:57] He gets four hundred dollars a month and his secretary 275 he's in middle management and doesn't even earn enough to buy a decent car So he has a motorcycle a decent one at least it's not a rice burner made in india. It's a kawasaki He drives it to work every day all pressed dressed to impress in his best double-breasted business suit Try saying that 20 times meanwhile back get the mechanics co-op We pulled the car into the lean-to of the diagnostic mechanic He went under the dash and plugged in the connector So then what did he charge for the diagnostics analysis? How about nothing? Of course, he knew after my buddy explained about the four idiot lights that he was going to have a client and get some Work out of it. So my gringo and buddy and I were invited to sit in some cracked and scuffed up chairs out of the sun

[16:45] Thank god while he went to work First thing he did was dig into a stack of flattened cardboard boxes and threw him under the car as a cushion for his back Apparently not to protect his clothes from grease dirt and smudges Since those flattened cardboard boxes were as dirty and greasy as the cement slab He was laying on or practically that's another caution or indication that anytime you bring your car to a mechanic You should bring some kind of protection for your seats because once in a while They're gonna have to get in the front seat start up the engine or work under the glove compartment or dashboard Whatever and believe me. If you've got cloth seats, you're in for big trouble when that happens So as zax pad Eddie says make sure you use a car condom My advice is always to have a couple of extra large Plastic hefty bags or a couple of old beach towels in the trunk and make sure you tell the guy to use them

[17:34] So anyway, my gringo buddy and I sat there for three hours while the guy took the front and back bumper off Connected his analyzer did some diagnostics pulled out a few wire harnesses checked the sensors turns out they all were okay He found the problem a faulty controller box He made a few phone calls located one for 65 bucks and we all took a break for lunch It took about 45 minutes for his gopher to head out on his little motorcycle and come back with the part And in the end the total bill about a hundred bucks exactly what would have cost him just to have the diagnostics run Add an authorized honda dealership Oh and during that three hours we were sitting there We were occasionally amused by two families of driveway chickens that would get their dander up confronting each other

[18:21] While rooting around and pecking at the grass behind us man. Those driveway chickens love cheetos That's a bad sign, huh? By the way, I took some photos of all that stuff if you're interested in seeing what it looks like up close and personal from a Gringo's perspective send me an email the expat files at gmail.com Anyway bottom line once you get down here to latin america and you do need some repairs or analysis done Because you know life goes on and that stuff does come up Don't be a mechanic snob Don't be poo-pooing because of your gringo standards or whatever the utility of those little hole in the wall mechanics and repair joints Most of those guys really know what they're doing and i'd rather give my money to a little guy Who's just making ends meet than some big impersonal transnational franchise like a honda dealership

[19:08] It really is a good thing to spread your money around locally as much as you can Plus the locals will appreciate it. Remember you and treat you well All right on a lighter note an email from kenny who's been living in mexico for two and a half years now He says johnny. How's it going? All's well with me, but you're right mexico is getting more and more dangerous I'm down here with the wife, but I wouldn't want to bring my kids here If I did i'd be worried every time they walked out of the house But to the point after living in merida mexico a while now i've come to realize there are a certain guy that is male Rules of etiquette that one must or at least should try to follow These are unofficial rules that don't necessarily apply in the usa and I suppose they apply not only to mexico

[19:54] But the rest of latin america too. So without further ado, let me lay him on you The rules for hombres number one beer pizza and barbecue are not Acceptable payments for helping another man work on his house or his vehicle. It must be beer and tacos Number two when at a party you can have the last taco. You can have the last beer, but you cannot have both Number three if you're out and about and a guy is flirting with a girl never interrupt Unless the guy is flirting with your girl number four never lend another man your vehicle or anything from your collection of tools Not because it's a personal thing though. It may be but because they'll always come back in worse condition Number five. It's essential that if you pee in a public urinal with multiple urinals and there's only one guy in their peeing

[20:44] Never belly up and pee right next to him. It's the unofficial but universal every other urinal rule in macho latino countries It's even more iron clad and finally johnny when living down in mexico or probably anywhere else in latin america There's rule number six and it's also iron clad No matter how clean they are or how many times they've been washed never ask to borrow another man's shorts That's it for now. Johnny keeps those great shows coming. I've been listening for over five years now signed ken in meridia mexico All right, ken I agree with most of those things except south of mexico they're not big on tacos They're big on tortillas as for that shorts thing I can hardly think of a time where a situation like that would ever come up However, there are times when you're at the beach or the pool when you get an unexpected soaker

[21:33] And then there's those heavy downpours in the rainy season though Still hardly an excuse to borrow someone else's shorts. Wait a minute. I take that back I did think of a case When you're at a party or someone else's house and suddenly you get a visit from madazuma and he's looking for revenge All right yank in the wheel now here's something that may or may not shock you Whether it does or not the news is very un-pc doesn't surprise me a bit In fact, I see it all the time But here's further proof that discrimination in latin america amongst latin americans is very real and quite intense in some reasons In fact, according to brand new data from the pew research center latinos experienced discrimination from other latinos Had about the same rate as they do from non latinos This is research data coming from latinos living up in the united states. We'll get to the ones living in latin america later

[22:26] Anyway in a report published just monday the nonpartisan think tank pew research center found that 27 percent of latino Surveys said they had personally experienced discrimination or were treated quite unfairly by other latinos in the last year The survey also found that latinos with darker skin faced prejudice from other latinos nearly twice as much as latinos with lighter skin The survey also showed that latinos having darker skin and being born outside the united states Are associated with a much greater chance of this type of discrimination That according to louise noi busta montel a pew research analyst and author of the report All right, me johnny here You know, I know lots of latinos who point to their own lighter skin relatives saying that they drop hints about other latinos

[23:15] Darker skin color as an insult. I know some latino parents here in latin america whose dark skin children have suffered Bullying at school from their lighter skinned classmates But back to the survey it says here nearly half of all the respondents 48 said they'd had family members and friends make racially insensitive comments and jokes about other latinos That certainly happened in the case of matthew louise reveres's experience reveres grew up in humbled park Historically a porta rican neighborhood in chicago He points out as a child He was conditioned to believe that porta ricans were better than mexicans and that porta ricans and mexicans were rivals He says quote I grew up hearing mexican parents saying they didn't want their daughters to date porta ricans

[24:02] And i've heard people in my own family say don't ever date mexicans It's a proven fact. It says that skin color plays a major role in determining how much discrimination latinos face within their own culture And it's all about the country you come from and the color you are in fact in a report published in november of 2021 Pew researchers found that when latinos in the united states That is we're given the option to self-identify using the yaden osfield 10-point skin color scale 80 percent of latinos Self-identified with a lighter skin tone then they actually possessed in other words They believe they're lighter than they actually are the article then goes out to say it's an uncomfortable truth to reckon with Especially given that latinos themselves are often racialized and subject to bigotry from other quarters

[24:50] But to find out just how much bigotry exists within their own cultures is something that's rarely discussed By the way at the end of the article it states There's a tiny sliver of optimism to be found in the pew report That younger latinos are more likely to say or admit They witnessed a family member or friend make negative comments or joke about other latinos Whereas many older latinos are guilty of it, but won't admit to it Meaning perhaps that younger latinos are a bit more sensitive to that kind of discrimination than older folks are All right, me john here You know i've seen dozens of cases here in latin america where latinos display exactly that kind of discrimination within their own groups and families Skin color and eye color play huge roles in determining how much discrimination latino will face

[25:38] Even at school and on the job In fact i've seen it over and over there'll be a kid within a family that has green eyes And that kid will be the star of the family forever The so-called fair haired boy or girl. Where do you think that term came from? I'll tell you i've been at parties in public places and in elevators standing next to latinos I don't even know i've never met and they're talking about some special kid in the family a kid who's got lighter skin Lighter hair or green eyes being tall is on that list too Oh, and another thing that struck me kind of strange when I first encountered it You'll often hear latinas describe someone in their family as blonde rubia Then when you meet that person their hair is not blonde at all, but dark brown not black though But dark brown seems like any latino that doesn't have jet black hair is considered blonde rubia

[26:28] There are grades of blonde though. Rubia escuro means dark blonde rubia clado means light blonde But in fact blonde as we know it up in the states almost never exists naturally here in latin america It's just not in the genetic mix Though just like up in the states. There are tons of bottle blondes down here Almost none of them have that kind of hair naturally though. I have to admit It's mostly latinas the ladies not the guys that talk about this stuff between themselves Those kids especially the lighter skinned ones with the green eyes They're the superstars of the family and they always remain so they're spoiled They get the royal treatment and they know it The sad thing is more than a couple of latino friends have told me they want to marry a tall girl with light skin So their kids can have lighter skin because then they'll have a leg up on everyone else

[27:15] I've got at least a half a dozen latino friends who've done just that Most of them are not together with their ladies anymore, but they got exactly what they wanted Taller lighter skinned kids. The fact is the way the culture is down here. They will get a leg up Nope, life ain't fair. But for some there's always a workaround You've been listening to the expat files living in latin america If you need some help with your own plan b we can schedule a one-on-one phone or skype consult Just send me an email the expat files at gmail.com And if you want to get on the waiting list for my next week long expat insider seminar in central america Where you're guaranteed to get a two to five year head start on your plan b Send me an email the expat files at gmail.com