Episode Summary
In this episode of The Expat Files, Johnny Mueller explores the phenomenon of first-world seminars being offered in Latin America, particularly in big cities. He highlights that these seminars are often attended by wealthy Latin Americans who are eager to gain a competitive edge and are drawn to the perceived prestige of first-world expertise. Johnny critiques the effectiveness of these seminars, noting that they often provide little real value and that many attendees are more interested in the status associated with attending them than in the actual content. He also mentions that even without a first-world affiliation, some Latin American entrepreneurs are successfully running seminars, which has surprised him.
Johnny then shifts focus to the situation in Honduras, where local television hosts are offering seminars on television hosting despite the limited opportunities in the field. He critiques the irony of these seminars, noting that the instructors are themselves struggling to make a living in television. Johnny highlights the lack of real television jobs in Honduras and the fact that many graduates of communications programs end up working in unrelated fields. He compares this situation to similar issues in the United States, where students in communications or drama often face similar challenges. Johnny concludes by emphasizing the absurdity of the seminar circuit in Honduras, where these local television hosts are able to charge high fees for courses that offer little real value.
In another segment, Johnny critiques the seminar industry in Latin America, suggesting that many seminar providers are frauds who exploit the lack of competition and the naivety of expats. He argues that even if someone is not well-known or skilled, they can still succeed in the seminar business due to the 'gringo advantage'—the perception that first-world knowledge is valuable and fresh in Latin America. He also highlights the cultural lag in Latin America, using examples like the adoption of loft-style apartments and the misinterpretation of 'walk-in closets' as 'walking closets' to illustrate how first-world trends take time to catch on in the region.
Johnny then discusses the concept of 'walk-in closets' or 'walking closets' in Latin America, noting that they lag behind the first world by about 15 years. He explains that this lag allows first-worlders to easily start businesses and succeed in the region. Johnny also mentions that innovations and services from the first world take time to reach Latin America, ranging from six months to 20 years, which is good news for expats. He then shifts to a previous conversation about the state of toilet seats in Latin American homes and the challenge of giving a new one as a gift without causing embarrassment. He shares a suggestion from Ben to paint a toilet seat as a work of art, but jokes that it might end up being displayed on the wall instead of the toilet. Johnny also references a story about Expat Eddie who broke a toilet seat with his feet, and Sandy's comment about the difficulty of getting people to replace it due to their tendency to repair rather than replace broken items. He concludes by mentioning another email from Susan who offers a simple solution to the toilet seat issue.
In this segment, Johnny Mueller discusses a humorous and practical solution to a problem involving a toilet seat, followed by a broader reflection on the behavior of young boys and the impact of their actions on wildlife in Latin America. The segment begins with a lighthearted exchange between Johnny and Susan, where Johnny suggests a method to smuggle a new toilet seat into a house without anyone noticing. He then transitions into a more serious topic, discussing the prevalence of animal cruelty among young boys in Latin America and how this behavior has led to the near absence of wildlife in urban areas. Johnny contrasts this with the behavior of children in the first world, noting that in Latin America, animals killed by children are often consumed by their families, which adds a different context to the act of killing.
Johnny then shifts to discussing wildlife and business environment in Latin America. He notes that in smaller towns with populations under 50,000, there is more wildlife, such as monkeys, toucans, and sloths, due to fewer kids with slingshots. In contrast, in larger cities, especially in the first world, there is less wildlife. He also highlights the difference in behavior between first world and Latin American children, with the latter being more outdoorsy and less reliant on technology. Johnny then shifts to discussing business opportunities in Latin America, using a personal anecdote about buying a gift certificate at a restaurant where the process was inconvenient, illustrating the lack of customer service and business practices compared to the first world.
Finally, Johnny recounts his experience visiting a high-end restaurant in Latin America, which he had previously praised for its facilities. However, upon visiting the office where he was supposed to receive a gift certificate, he found the environment to be unimpressive and poorly maintained. He also observed a lack of customer service, which he attributes to the chef's background in Latin countries, where customer service standards are generally lower. Johnny concludes that this highlights the opportunities for first-world individuals to open businesses in Latin America due to the lack of established service standards.
Topics
Expat life in Latin America, Cultural differences in business practices, The effectiveness of seminars in Latin America, Entrepreneurship in Latin America, Honduras, Television hosting, Seminars, Education, Employment, Expatriates, Seminar industry in Latin America, Cultural lag in Latin America
Chapters
00:00:00 Opening 00:01:06 The Opportunity for First World Seminars in Latin America 00:01:20 Why Latin Businessmen Are Drawn to First World Seminars 00:02:17 The Absurdity of First World Seminars in Latin America 00:04:32 Seminars as a Source of Income for Latin Entrepreneurs in Honduras 00:04:45 The Absurdity of Television Host Seminars in Honduras 00:05:49 The Lack of Real Opportunities in Television Hosting in Honduras 00:09:23 Fraudulent Seminar Providers in Latin America 00:09:35 Expats Can Succeed in the Seminar Business 00:11:28 Cultural Lag in Latin America: Loft Apartments and Walk-In Closets 00:13:39 Lag in Innovation and Business Opportunities in Latin America 00:14:30 Toilet Seat Gift-Giving Challenge and Suggestions 00:17:47 Toilet Seat Smuggling Idea 00:18:25 Boys Will Be Boys 00:19:31 Wildlife in Latin America 00:21:48 Wildlife in Small Towns vs. Cities 00:22:02 Wildlife in Small Towns 00:22:13 Wildlife and Slingshots 00:22:24 Children's Behavior and Technology 00:23:19 Wildlife in the Wild 00:23:35 Business Opportunities in Latin America 00:24:02 Personal Business Experience 00:25:19 The Restaurant Experience Begins with a Gift Certificate 00:25:41 The Discrepancy Between the Restaurant and the Office 00:26:38 The Chef's Background and Its Impact on Customer Service
Transcript
Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.
[00:03] Hi everybody, I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to The Expat Files, living in Latin America. The show that tells you what it's really like to live, work, play and or retire in Latin America. I tell it just like it is, not the version they give you in those glossy travel magazines, or the picture they paint for you in those international traveler websites, where they're only trying to sell you something. What's it really like for expats living in Latin America? Well, it's time to take off those rose colored glasses and find out. So let's get started. Now a while ago I was talking about how it would be a great idea for first world people to come down here, to the big cities that is, and give first world style seminars, in English with a Spanish translator of course, and advertise ahead of time in the local papers that you're bringing your seminar down from the first world, and that you are of course
[00:51] the first world expert in whatever your seminar topic is. And I said before that giving a seminar down here is a great opportunity for any first world person with a seminar to plug, even if it's a seminar that's old and moldy up in the first world and way past its expiration date. And why would it work down here, even if you don't speak Spanish and most of your prospective attendees don't even speak English? Well down here in every big city there are tens of thousands if not hundreds of thousands of Latins who are in the upper middle and wealthy classes and they're always looking for a leg up. And they know that first world businesses are always on the cutting edge. And that Latin businesses even theirs are mediocre at best. And these people are owners and managers of businesses of all kinds down here. And just like owners and managers of businesses up in the first world, they just love to go to seminars. Seminars of any kind, business or self help, it doesn't matter.
[01:38] And for Latin businessmen often it's not about the seminar itself, it's about the show, about bragging rights that you went to a seminar, which is actually a fairly new thing down here. And another reason why it's a great business for expat wannabes to get into. But Latin businessmen don't like to go to just any old seminar. Because seminars cost money and take time out of your day. They just love to go to a seminar that's in some way, shape or form affiliated with a first world person or a first world company. Because like I said before, Latin Americans love everything and anything that has to do with the first world. And if you don't believe Latin Americans are suckers for a first world style seminar, seems like every week or so in a big city newspaper down here, you read about some guy from the first world coming down and giving a seminar at a big Latin American hotel to teach Latin Americans, get this, on how to play and beat the stock and commodities markets up in the
[02:28] first world. Which always makes me laugh, because not only are smart first worlders completely lost about how to make money in the stock market, and anybody in the know knows that if you're not an insider, it's like going to Vegas and throwing your money down on the craps table. And when you talk about the commodities markets, man, it takes years for a skilled commodities trader to know his way around that game. And those guys lose their shirts all the time too. And gringo traders have the advantage of being able to speak English. Which goes to show how gullible Latins are, even in the upper middle and wealthy classes. They still think the stock market's a place to put your money. And they never even paid attention, as millions of first worlders lost their retirements and pensions in the market over the last few years. They still think the market is the place to be. That's how gullible they are. So the fact is, you and I know, you can't go to a two day seminar and learn anything
[03:15] about the stock market, except how to lose your shirt. And when it comes to commodities, a weekend seminar, forget it. That'll just about qualify you to be a lamb to be slaughtered. But guess what? I see seminars put on all the time where there's some first world guy who says, in his bio in the paper anyway, that he's some kind of well-known market guru. But the fact is, if you come down here and give a seminar, you can say anything you want about yourself and no one can prove otherwise. Not to mention the fact that resume pumping is a national sport down here, and the fact that most businessmen don't speak English. Well the reason why I'm bringing this up again, cause I did mention it once in another show, is that recently, I've seen in the paper a slew of ads for a certain kind of seminar that's doing an absolute landmine business down here. And the big surprise for me, is that the people who put this seminar on are in no way affiliated
[04:01] with any kind of first world famous person or so called guru, or best-selling author or whatever. Yet it's obvious that these seminars must be raked in the cash, because you see ads from all the time, and some of them get filled so fast they put on extra courses, and in the paper it even says that the earlier ones have been sold out. And I'm talking about Latin American guys giving seminars that are selling out. And these are Latin guys that don't even speak any English and have no connection with the first world at all. But just lately I've noticed a few of these guys are cleaning up in the seminar business. And now you might be thinking, well so what? Some successful Latin entrepreneurs have found a way to make some money by giving seminars. Good for them, right? And that's true. If someone down here can fill a hotel convention room at 100 or 150 bucks a head, more power to them, right? Sure, but when I tell you the guys giving these seminars are local talking head television
[04:50] guys giving weekend courses and handing out diplomas on how to be a television host. And I'm not kidding you, courses on how to be a television host, and they're absolutely selling out at 100 bucks a head. A weekend course, well actually it's more than one weekend course, it's a sold out series of weekend courses, complete with a glossy diploma and a nice photo op with the famous television conductor of course, suitable for framing and putting up on your mantle next to those photos of your dead relatives and your sister's Tupperware salesperson of the month plaque. Okay, so what's wrong with giving a course on how to be a television host? Well here's what's wrong with it. The country of Honduras has only a small handful of its own television stations. Of course they have the 200 or so cable network stations and all the Spanish channels that
[05:35] come in from Mexico and from South America and the rest of the world, but they've got so few reasonably big television stations of their own, which means at the most they've probably got 10 or 15 television hosts in the whole damn country that actually have a job and get a paycheck and make a decent living at that career. In other words, if you want to be a television host, you have almost zero opportunity to do that. Not in Honduras anyway. But you gotta remember, in his own little country, this guy and his buddy who are giving the course are absolutely famous down here in Honduras. And by the way, one of these guys is a Latin version of a better looking but infinitely more superficial version of Lou Dobbs. Now this Latin television host is an important public figure even if he's only making about 10 or 15 thousand bucks a year. And he's the number one talking head in the country, don't you know?
[06:22] So certainly it was about the money why they stumbled on the idea of giving seminars. And both of those guys just have to know with absolute certainty that they're conning some very gullible people. Okay, but you gotta hear this ad. It goes like this. The title says, A Course in Television Conducting and Hosting. Channel 6 television hosts and presenters Richard Garcia and Harold Sanchez will be offering beginning the 23rd of January, a Monday through Friday 16 hour class from 6 to 9 at night or Saturday classes from 8 to 11 in the morning. And it says if you pay in full by December 30th, you get a 50% discount. And the course is about 200 bucks. So if you pay early, you get it for 100 bucks. Okay, so what's wrong with that? It's not exactly false advertising. Even if in the whole damn country there's only 15 people making a living at what this course is trying to teach.
[07:08] Well the fact that these guys keep selling out these courses and handing out who knows how many hundreds of diplomas to complete suckers, well actually the whole thing sounds a thousand percent worse when you realize that Honduras has a couple of big cities and they have three universities that graduate people with communications degrees, which advertise that they're preparing their students for television and radio jobs, which statistically don't exist either. Since people within the communications department in the schools in Latin America admit privately that only one out of 50 graduates actually gets a job in the radio or TV business and the starting salaries are, you guessed it, around $300 a month. So most of these people have to live at home for a long, long time, maybe forever. And according to statistics, Honduras is cranking out 300 or so college kids with radio and
[07:54] TV communications degrees a year. But even with all that depressing news for graduates who have gone four years to university who don't have a chance in hell of getting a job in their own chosen career, still there is some real money to be made in the field if you're the guys doing the seminar, teaching people how to be television and radio presenters, at least someone's making big money down here in it, big money that is by Latin standards, and you know you can't fault these locally famous TV presenters for packaging themselves up as a product and selling themselves based on their local fame to the gullible masses. And really, how is that any different from US college students who get their bachelor's degrees in communications or drama or in any of the other fine arts and they end up waiting tables at Starbucks or teaching or both? You got to wonder about those idiot college and high school counselors.
[08:42] Just what in the hell are they telling these kids? Certainly not the truth that they're not going to get a job in their field unless they're extremely talented, very lucky, have great connections, or have a daddy that owns a TV station. But the main reason I bring this up is to show you expat wannabes, just what a slam dunk it is to go on the seminar circuit down here. Here I'm telling you about two less-than-mediocre television hosts in a country that's totally off the radar and these local bums working at a fourth-rate TV station that no first-world person has ever even heard of make an only 10 or 15 grand a year at the top of their game. And here they are, tripling, even quadrupling their own pathetic salaries, giving worthless seminars to people with big dreams that'll never come true. I mean these guys are obviously fraudsters because they know the radio and TV market
[09:27] down here. They know that it's so small and there's so little opportunity that there just isn't a market, really. So you expat wannabes up there, just think of it. If you have any kind of a marketable skill that could be presented as a seminar down here, I'm telling you the sky's the limit. And of course I bring up this example not to tell you that you can be a crook and get away with it. Though obviously you can. I'm just saying look at the competition if you do get into the seminar business down here. There just ain't none. And even if you have a lot of knowledge but aren't anywhere near famous or well-known, it doesn't really matter because you're from the first world and they love everything first world down here. You got that gringo advantage going for you, right off the bat. And the fact that you don't speak Spanish or speak it well enough to get your points across in a seminar anyway, that shouldn't stop you at all since when first world people
[10:13] do come down here to give seminars, whether it's accounting, banking, security, money laundering or whatever, there's always a bilingual translator there giving the seminar in Spanish right along with the first world guy who's supposed to be the seminar guru. And the fact is when you give a seminar in English and it's translated into Spanish, the people in the audience actually get the sense that you're importing some special late-breaking information for their eyes only because they're the lucky ones that got to go to the seminar. They think that when a first worlder comes down and gives a seminar that they're somehow getting in on the ground floor way ahead of the curve, even though you might be giving the same old tired seminar that you gave seven years ago on the Dallas Fort Worth circuit and it wasn't much of a success for you even back then. But it really doesn't matter because it seems like almost any kind of seminar that you bring down from up in the first world, even if it's old, tired and worn out and not even yesterday's
[11:03] news anymore up in the first world, you have to remember that most things like that down here in Latin America seem absolutely fresh to them because everything first world eventually lands down here in the third world, but there's always quite a bit of lag time before it actually hits, which is why stock market seminars do so well. And to give you a good concrete example of that, about that big lag time phenomena, how first world commonplace things can take so long to get down here to Latin America. About 20 years ago when I first got down to Costa Rica, I was looking for an apartment to rent in a secure residential tower. And when I got a hold of the real estate agents, they showed me a few places that I really didn't like. They were small and boxy and dark and didn't have much of a view, and they had tiny windows that didn't take advantage of the sun at all. It's as if the architects just took a cookie cutter tower design from a book
[11:50] and just plunked it down on any old lot without regard to environment. And in the end, I said to the realtor, can't you show me any loft apartments? You know, big open spaces, a lot of glass, balconies, floor to ceiling windows and all that. And you know what? They didn't know what I was talking about. 20 years ago, there didn't exist one loft style apartment in Costa Rica, if you can believe that. And the realtor said to me, get this. Oh, loft style apartments. Yeah, I know what those are, but Costa Ricans like traditional style apartments. They'll never accept loft style living. But now if you go to Costa Rica, there are lofts everywhere. You see them advertised in the real estate papers all the time. Costa Rica was 15 or 20 years or even more behind common first world architectural trends. Which reminds me, when I was looking for an apartment back then in Costa Rica,
[12:35] I asked the real estate agents about walk-in closets. And they'd never heard of those either. And like I said in one of my previous shows, they still don't know what a walk-in closet is. In fact, when they spell it, they spell it wrong. Instead of walk-in closet, down here in Latin America, when it's printed in a real estate brochure or ad, they don't have a Spanish word for it. So they use the English word, which they bastardized because they don't spell it. Walk-in, W-A-L-K dash I-N, they spell it walking, W-A-L-K-I-N-G, like walking, like walking your dog. So the real estate agents actually say walking closet, as if the closet's going to get up and walk away. And it's misprinted like that all over the real estate sections here in Latin America,
[13:21] in every country. And when you try to correct a real estate agent that closets don't walk, they just don't know what the hell you're talking about. And it all happened some 15 or 20 years ago. When some builder down here in Latin America copied a first world advertisement talking about walk-in closets, and they made a typo that caught on in every country down here. So whether you refer to them as walk-in closets or walking closets, the fact is they came down here about 15 years behind the curve too, which is another reason why it's so easy for first worlders to come down here, start a business, and nine out of 10 times, make a good go of it. Everything that proves to be a success up in the first world has a lag period before it lands down here in Latin America. And that could be anywhere from six months to 20 years, depending on what product, innovation, or service you're talking about,
[14:06] which is nothing but great news for expats and expat wannabes. And by the way, all of you up there who sent me emails asking me to forward some of those newspaper ads of first and third world people and organizations, putting on seminars down here, and just have some general information on the seminar business as it stands here in the third world right now. Well, I'm still putting together those scans, and I'll have them shortly. So just hold on a bit, and I'll send them to you. Now, you might remember a few weeks ago, I was talking about the disturbing state of toilet seats down here in the average Latin American home. How could you forget that conversation? Anyway, if you remember, I mentioned that it would probably be the greatest gift you could give a Latin American or a Latin American family, only it's kind of a difficult thing to do, because it's just a little too embarrassing to hand someone a brand new toilet seat,
[14:52] insinuating that theirs is, well, completely unacceptable to the likes of your first world rear end. Well, after I did that show, I asked if there was any suggestions from the audience on how to give a gift like that gracefully, without causing any undue embarrassment or hard feelings. So anyway, I did get quite a few good emails offering some suggestions. And here's one, and this is from Ben. He says, dear Johnny, I thought of a way to get a new toilet seat into your Latin friends homes. Have one painted up really pretty, like a work of art. In fact, there's a shop down here in Seattle that sells very pretty toilet lids painted with cowgirls and other varied themes. In fact, I think I'll put one of those lids in my own business toilet. Okay, Ben, I get it. You're giving these guys a work of art and you present it to them as something more than it really is, a toilet seat.
[15:38] Well, Ben, you know, that might work all right, but somehow I think you'd have to plant the idea in their heads that that fancy painted toilet seat is supposed to go on their toilet and not on the wall with all those other valuable works of art they've collected over the years. Because there's a good chance if it's got a cowgirl on it or John Wayne roping a steer or something, it might end up on the wall of fame in the living room right next to Uncle Julio's barber school certificate. And that pathetic toilet seat in the bathroom that we're trying so hard to get rid of might end up there another 20 years until it's as thin as a Frisbee. And if you remember, I think in that show, I told you about Expat Eddie and how he handled a disgusting toilet seat problem in his girlfriend's parents house. He just stomped on it with his feet and broke it in half and put it back on the toilet in two pieces, knowing that someone would just have to replace it
[16:24] because it just didn't function anymore. Anyway, Sandy sent me an email saying that that isn't a surefire technique either. And though it may have worked in Expat Eddie's case, chances are if there's any duct tape or chicken wire in the house, there'd be at least a few attempts at a makeshift repair job before anyone dished out 12 bucks on a brand new toilet seat. Wait a minute, Sandy. Did you say chicken wire? Ouch. Well, Sandy, I'm going to have to side with you on that one because you're absolutely right. If there's one thing that Latins almost never do, middle and lower class Latins, that is, is that they never throw anything away till it's absolutely useless and beyond repair. And we all know somebody like that up in the first row, someone who doesn't throw anything away. But it's not that the Latins just save everything just to save it. They save everything because they just don't have any discretionary income. And if something breaks, like, for example, a boombox,
[17:11] that thing will remain in the house somewhere forever. It'll probably end up as an end table or a pedestal for the birdcage. But most times when a boombox or a stereo breaks, it's not the whole thing. It's just one part, one component that breaks, like the CD player or the radio or the right or left speaker. And in that case, they'll use it forever and ever until the rest of it dies. So unfortunately, that can also mean a broken toilet seat that's no longer serviceable in the bathroom could end up in another part of the house serving as something else utilitarian. And I don't feel like speculating about that, okay? And here's another email I got on that subject. And this is from Susan. And she has the best answer of all, I think. She says, hi, Johnny. The answer is simple. Just smuggle a brand new toilet seat into the house, say in an overnight bag and install it. Put the old toilet seat into your bag
[17:59] and don't say a single word to anyone, period. Who's going to say something when that brand new toilet seat appears? No one. Yep, Susan, that's a great idea. The only problem is you actually have to touch that old toilet seat, slip it into a perfectly good knapsack or tote bag and somehow get out of the house with it. And that would work all right, but I'd never use that tote bag again. I for one would toss it in the dumpster, toilet seat, no. But thanks for that. And now to change gears a bit. Now's my chance to talk about how boys will be boys. And I'm talking about young boys now, from the ages of maybe five to 15. The age when they need a lot of supervision and rarely get it. Now, I don't know if boys are born with a killer instinct or not. But I do remember when I was a young kid, there always was a certain group of boys in the neighborhood that were cruel to animals. And in fact, there are some kids I can still remember
[18:46] back from my paperout days in Chicago, who just got a kick out of torturing or killing anything that moved. Period. And I won't go into the gory details on that. And I really don't know why so many young boys get such a kick out of it. And in my experience, a certain amount of kids like me would just stand around and watch, while the other bad boys at the paperout corner would do their dirty deeds. I guess us guys who just watched had kind of a morbid fascination to see what would happen. Who knows? Anyway, I can tell you a lot of birds and frogs and lizards and insects, not to mention cats, died the hard way at my paperout corner. And looking back, I feel kind of crappy about it, because I never opened my mouth to stop it. What's a kid to do? If you open your mouth, you might be the next kid in line for a beating or worse. Anyway, that brings me to young kids down here in Latin America. Now, one thing you'll notice, if you happen to be in any city over 50,000 down here,
[19:36] soon enough you're going to notice there's an amazing dearth of animals, but not in the countryside. I mean, you go a half a mile outside the city or more, and you just pull your car over when you're in the boonies, and you'll notice there are so many wild animals you can't even count them. And I'm not talking about the big ones like jaguars or ocelots or deer now. I'm talking about hundreds of birds and squirrels and possums and lizards. If you keep your eyes open, you'll see them everywhere. However, in cities over 50,000 people, there's almost no appreciable natural wildlife, except birds and there's no multitude of them either. Birds, yes, but you won't see squirrels and rabbits and small mammals. Anyway, one of the main reasons for that is because young kids, boys from ages 5 to 15, they just love to kill animals. It's just a terrible tradition down here, handed down from father to son.
[20:22] And in fact, it's the holiday season around here right now. And yesterday, as I was driving my car through a fairly busy intersection, where people walk up to your car and try to sell you all kinds of stuff. Anyway, there's usually one guy in every big street corner like that, selling hand-carved, very powerful slingshots. And this time of year, he's even got a few handles carved up to look like Santa Claus. Because, well, it's the holiday season, right? Though all the rest of the year, the handles are usually carved in the shape of Aztec or Mayan or Incan figures. And these things are really powerful. And believe me, every young kid's got one. And that's why there's practically no wildlife left in the cities. And that's why the birds that do live in the cities are so skittish. The smart ones don't go anywhere near a human. And the dumb ones are dead. Now, I have to point out that down here in Latin America,
[21:08] the difference between these kids and the small animal killers up in the first world is that kids down here who kill rabbits, squirrels, and birds actually take them home and mama cooks them up. So you could say they're not killing out of 100% boredom or solely for the thrill of the sport of killing. Though certainly that plays a big part too. And of course, there's no excuse for any kid playing Tom Sawyer like that with a goal to wipe out every small animal in the neighborhood. But believe me, they would if they could. So do know this, if you come down to Latin America, no matter what the nature channel says or what you've seen in those fancy travel brochures, when you go to any city in Latin America over 50,000, forget about seeing any tropical wildlife or any substantial wildlife at all, except for the occasional small dirty looking birds that really keep their distance and those little garden lizards that you see everywhere.
[21:55] But they're so skittish too that you're never going to get close enough to them to even take a decent photo. Of course, in the smaller cities under 50,000, you'll see a lot of great wildlife. Depending where you are, of course, you could see monkeys and toucans and sloths, snakes and lizards and giant beetles, you name it. And that's because in those small towns, there's not enough kids with slingshots to put any big dent in the wild animal population. Of course, we all know that up in big cities in the United States, you don't have much wildlife at all there either. And at least up in the first world, this generation of young boys are not out killing wildlife with slingshots. Instead, they're killing cops and blowing up worlds on their computers. But I'm sure if they didn't have computers, they'd be out there killing things for real. And if they did manage to kill something halfway substantial, you can bet your life they'd never hand it over to mom and she'd never cook it up.
[22:41] She'd probably let out a big scream instead. And that's one of the big differences between young kids down here and Latin American first world kids. The boys, that is. The Latin kids down here are lagging a few years behind the first world kids because the vast majority of them don't have smartphones or their own personal computers in the home. Instead, they're outside playing soccer, which they call football, with a slingshot hanging out their back pockets like Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn. So all you expat wannabes up there know this. When you fly into Managua or San Jose, Costa Rica, or Tegucigalpa, Honduras, the only toucans, monkeys, turtles, and sloths you're gonna see are the ones people have for pets and are stuck in cages. And if you have your heart set on seeing the real thing in the wild, you'll have to drive way out in the boonies or take a jungle tour. Because you see, a few hundred years of young boys in their slingshots have taken a pretty big toll on the local indigenous animal population.
[23:29] Now I'd like to switch back and talk about doing business again here in Latin America and give you some observations on why first world people can make such a great goal of it down here. Even if, up in the first world, you've had quite a few failures in business and don't have any really great ideas on what kind of business you might want to start once you get down here. Well, I'll tell you a little story about what happened to me a few days ago. And when I'm finished with this story, if you don't have a better understanding of why opening a successful business down here is almost like falling off a log, well, then you should just forget about coming down here to start a business because you just don't get it. Anyway, here goes. Last week, I went to a very popular, very nice upscale restaurant. First world style all the way. And I wanted to buy a $50 gift certificate for some friends of mine for Christmas. Now you might think I'm a cheapskate by buying a $50 gift certificate,
[24:15] but believe me, even at very upscale restaurants down here, two people could have a very hard time spending 50 bucks on food, unless of course they like to drink a lot. Anyway, I walk into this restaurant about eight o'clock at night. And there's a lot of people sitting down and eating. And I told the waiter, I'd like to buy a $50 gift certificate. And he said, sure thing, give me a minute. And then he took off for a while. And I waited and I waited about 10, even 15 minutes. And when he finally came back, he shrugged and he said, you can buy a gift certificate, but you have to come back between nine in the morning and one in the afternoon when the secretary is in her office. She's in charge of that. Okay, is there anything wrong with this picture? First of all, up in the first world, you never turn down money when someone's handing it to you. Never. That's the first rule of business. The second rule of business is you make it convenient for the clients to hand you the money.
[25:01] You don't make them jump through hoops and tell them to come back at a certain time and place an hour. Because as soon as a client with money in his hand walks out of your place, he can walk right over to your competition and buy the same thing. Every car dealer will tell you that. You never want the guy to leave the showroom. They make every single excuse in the world to keep you there. Because as soon as you walk out, you're gonna go somewhere else. Even if you say you're coming back tomorrow, you almost never do. Okay, but I'm a sucker and I like this restaurant. And I was determined to give a gift certificate for that restaurant to my friends. So the next day, I came back at 930 in the morning and guess what? The secretary wasn't there. And since it was in a busy commercial area and I had some other errands to run, I did a couple other things and came back about 11 o'clock and she was there. Now, this is a very nice restaurant.
[25:46] Well appointed. First world in every way. Absolutely spic and span bathrooms. Great toilet seats. Electronic paper towel dispensing machine and all that. But when I went into the secretary's office to get my gift certificate, they sat me down in a place that looked like a bomb had gone off in it. It looked like the back room of a third rate loading dock. Dirty with cobwebs all over and paint peeling off the walls. Stacks of old papers everywhere. Like an obstacle course. As if it had absolutely nothing in common with the restaurant part of the place. And here's the other thing. I'm sitting in my chair a while and a waiter comes in and he told the lady that they were short on something. And then she gave him a dirty look and just blew up at him. Right in front of me. Something you'd never want to do in front of a client ever. So by now I think you're getting the point. Here's a very high end restaurant. Seemingly first world in every way.
[26:34] But in some very obvious respects, they're very short on the customer service end. And those kind of details come from living up in the first world. Whether you've worked in the service industry or not, you just know what is and what isn't the right thing to do when dealing with customers. And I noticed when I was sitting in the secretary's office, there were some fancy cooking diplomas that the chef had gotten back when he was at chef school. And guess what? He was a Latin guy who went to chef school in Argentina and in Italy. But he wasn't a first world guy at all. He was Latino. So I gather the reason why his restaurant was such a big success is that he'd patterned his restaurant on what he'd learned in Argentina and in Italy. Great places to learn how to cook but neither of them big on customer service. Latin customer service maybe. Which is always mediocre at best. And I'm being generous here.
[27:20] But this great chef hadn't learned a thing about first world customer service. Which once again just goes to prove why there's so much opportunity down here for first world people who want to open a business. You've been listening to The Exped Files. Living in Latin America. Coming to you each week from somewhere south of the border. And don't forget you can email me on anything at all about Latin America. The Exped Files at gmail.com. Once again The Exped Files at gmail.com. See you next time. Nos vemos.