Episode Summary
In this episode of The Expat Files, Johnny Mueller explores the common misconception that expats need to know Spanish to live or work in Latin America. He argues that while knowing Spanish can be beneficial, it is not essential, especially for starting a business. Mueller shares his personal experience of successfully running multiple businesses without knowing Spanish, emphasizing the importance of having a good lawyer and hiring a bilingual secretary. He also discusses the challenges of learning Spanish in certain areas like Costa Rica and highlights the role of the tourism industry in shaping language skills among locals.
Johnny Mueller discusses his personal experience with language learning in Costa Rica and highlights the challenges of learning Spanish in tourist-heavy areas. He explains that living in such areas leads to minimal exposure to the local language, as tourists and retirees dominate interactions, and locals often rely on English. He contrasts this with his experience in Colombia, where he improved his Spanish significantly due to limited English use by locals. Johnny also critiques the English education system in public schools in Latin America, noting that teachers often lack real-world English exposure and rely on outdated methods like TV and movies. He emphasizes that only the wealthy can access quality English education through private schools, which offer immersion but at low salaries.
Johnny Mueller discusses the challenges of communication and education in Latin America. He highlights that locals often speak little to no English, even if they've studied it, due to poor teaching quality. He compares the education system in Latin America to that of the first world, noting that teachers often lack proper qualifications, leading to subpar education. He also mentions that while some professionals, like brain surgeons, receive training in the first world, engineers and other professionals from Latin American schools may not meet the same standards. Johnny shares his personal experience with learning Spanish in Costa Rica and later improving it in a non-touristy area in Colombia. He concludes by addressing the issue of finding bilingual translators, noting that university students majoring in English, who have passed the TOEFL exam, are the best candidates for such roles.
Johnny Mueller discusses practical tips for hiring bilingual translators in Latin America, emphasizing the use of English-language ads to attract English-speaking candidates. He also highlights the challenges of learning Spanish, particularly the nuances of local slang and common phrases that aren't typically found in dictionaries. He explains the concept of 'dicos,' which are local sayings or expressions, and provides examples such as 'bril' in English and 'chavo' or 'cuate' in Latin America. Johnny also touches on the gender-specific articles in Spanish, such as 'la' for feminine and 'el' for masculine, and how even native speakers are forgiving of mistakes made by expats.
In this segment, Johnny Mueller discusses the confusion that arises from the word 'papa' in Latin American cultures, which can mean 'father' or 'potato' depending on context. He highlights how misunderstandings can occur, such as when a gringo orders 'papa's fritas' at McDonald's, which is actually 'french fries' but sounds like 'fried pope.' He also notes that native speakers are generally forgiving of such language gaffes, attributing this tolerance to the patience developed through dealing with extensive government bureaucracy and long waiting lines. Additionally, he compares Latin America to the first world, emphasizing that a significant portion of the population is involved in food production and that the region has a more favorable climate for agriculture, making it a potentially safer place during global crises.
Johnny Mueller discusses the differences in infrastructure and self-sufficiency between Latin America and the first world, emphasizing how Latin American communities are better prepared for power outages and other disruptions. He highlights the lack of central heating and air conditioning in Latin America, which allows people to continue their daily lives without such systems. He also points out the high level of self-sufficiency in small neighborhoods, where essential services like mechanics, hardware stores, and medical professionals are readily available. Additionally, he explains how Latin American homes have their own water storage systems, which provide water during power outages, unlike in the first world where water supply is dependent on electricity. Johnny concludes by comparing the preparedness of Latin American communities to the first world, suggesting that the latter is less equipped for emergencies.
Topics
Language barriers for expats in Latin America, Starting a business without knowing Spanish, Role of tourism in language acquisition, Importance of legal representation for expats, Personal experiences of expats in Latin America, Language learning in Latin America, English education in public schools, Immersion vs. traditional language learning, Expatriate experiences in Latin America, Economic disparities in education access, Education in Latin America, Language barriers in professional settings
Chapters
00:00:00 Opening
00:01:13 The Myth of Spanish as a Requirement for Business Success in Latin America
00:01:14 Personal Experience: Starting Businesses Without Knowing Spanish
00:01:31 The Importance of a Good Lawyer in Starting a Business
00:01:46 Hiring a Bilingual Secretary as a Practical Solution
00:02:50 Challenges of Learning Spanish in Costa Rica
00:04:01 The Role of Tourism in Language Acquisition Among Locals
00:04:52 Why Johnny Struggled with Spanish in Costa Rica
00:04:59 The Impact of Tourist Areas on Language Learning
00:05:34 The Role of English in Public School Education
00:07:03 Private Schools and Immersion English Education
00:08:50 The Challenges of English Learning for the Average Student
00:09:37 Introduction to the topic of communication in Latin America
00:09:37 Johnny's opinion on the quality of English spoken by locals
00:10:20 Johnny's critique of the education system in Latin America
00:11:17 Johnny's comparison of engineers from Latin America and the first world
00:13:14 Johnny's response to the question about finding bilingual translators
00:14:19 Hiring Bilingual Translators in Latin America
00:14:54 Understanding Local Slang and Sayings ('Dicos')
00:16:38 Gender-Specific Articles in Spanish
00:19:06 The Confusion of 'Papa' in Latin America
00:20:20 Tolerance for Language Errors in Latin America
00:22:21 Why Latin America is a Good Place During Global Crises
00:24:13 Power Outages and Infrastructure Differences
00:24:42 Self-Sufficiency in Latin American Neighborhoods
00:25:50 Water Storage and ResilienceTranscript
Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.
[00:03] Hi everybody, I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to The Expat Files, living in Latin America. The show that tells you what it's really like to live, work, play and or retire in Latin America. I tell it just like it is, not the version they give you in those glossy travel magazines, or the picture they paint for you in those international traveler websites, where they're only trying to sell you something. What's it really like for expats living in Latin America? Well, it's time to take off those rose colored glasses and find out. So let's get started. You know, one of the questions I get asked all the time is just how much Spanish a first world person needs to know, if he or she is coming down here alone, not just on vacation, but to spend a long period of time and perhaps even live down here permanently. And that Spanish question comes up a lot when people talk about starting a business down
[00:50] here, because I think it's the perception, in fact I know it's the perception, that most first world people who don't know any Spanish, even bold and aggressive first world people who don't know any Spanish, well, even go getters like that think that it's a huge obstacle. Not necessarily if you just come down to live or retire, but they feel knowing Spanish just must be essential if you're going to start a business down here of any kind. And you know, that's where they're wrong. Because when I came down here 20 years ago, I did not know a lick of Spanish, yet I was able to start more than one successful business within the first year I was down. And there's no secret and no magic to that at all. And if there is anything that's absolutely essential to starting a business down here, that's having a good lawyer. And finding a lawyer may be the easiest part of all.
[01:35] Once you find out that almost all young lawyers anyway speak English. And there's another thing that should change your mind in an instant about thinking that you have to learn Spanish before you even come down here. And that's the fact that you can hire a 100% bilingual secretary slash girl Friday for about $300 a month full time. Yes, $300 a month. And believe me, I know all about bad Spanish and practically non-existent Spanish, because I came down here to Latin America with zero Spanish under my belt. And worse yet, I'm not one of those persons who's a natural at languages, not at all. And I know some people who are. And I'm actually a little bit jealous of people like that and find them a little bit hard to be around. They make me feel like I'm handicapped. I would say I'm actually at the dumber end of the Spanish learning scale.
[02:21] And if there was such a thing, a specialist would probably say I have a language disability. In fact, it took me about four years living down in Latin America before I actually felt confident enough that I could talk to a pure Spanish speaker and get my point across in an actual debate or discussion. Though after only about a year down here, I could deal with all the routine stuff in Spanish like going to the bank and the grocery store and the gas station and the restaurants. And I only got my kitchen Spanish down after I moved out of Costa Rica and went to Colombia since I found that Costa Rica is a place that it's very difficult to learn your Spanish. And I'll talk about the hows and whys of that in a second. The point is, if anybody had trouble learning Spanish, it was me. But even so, after a year or two, I already had a number of businesses and had actually been my own contractor on construction projects.
[03:07] Because you see, after about a year down here, anyone thrown in the middle of a bunch of Spanish speakers has just got to learn the rudimentary basics of a language just through osmosis. Even a language dense guy like me. And in my case, after about a year, I was able to understand a lot more Spanish when Latins were talking or speaking to me than I could communicate back to them. But I also had a lawyer who spoke pretty good English. And like I said, most of them do, the young ones anyway. But here's something I discovered after living down here and moving around a lot. Every time I landed in a high-volume tourist area like Costa Rica or Cancun, I'd run into first world gringos, who spoke Spanish pretty well, and I'd run into first world gringos. People actually having second homes down there or even living down there permanently, who'd
[03:53] been down in Costa Rica or another high-volume tourist area, 5 or even 10 years, and still, they knew very little Spanish at all. Since in those high-volume tourist areas, the local Latins are primed to learn English because if they can communicate well with the tourists, and 95% of those don't speak with the tourists, they'll get jobs with the hotel and food service industries, and in turn, they'll get tips from tourists paid in dollars. And there's nothing that a local Latin wants more than to work in the tourist business. Since even if they only make 200 or 300 bucks a month as a base salary, they can earn double or even triple that amount from the tips they get from tourists. And that's why when you're in the tourist areas, so many Latin people speak English, or at least some English. And they try speaking in English to you all the time, because that's how they improve
[04:42] their English and the way they work their way up in the tourist business. But you know what, that does absolutely no good for you who are trying to learn your Spanish. I found that out the hard way. And that's why I spun my wheels in Costa Rica for about 3 years. Down there, my Spanish was absolutely DOA. So if you live in a tourist area, like Cancun or Costa Rica or Panama, or Playa del Carmen or Estapa, you can actually live there for years and years, and remain pretty ignorant of Spanish because of all those big volumes of first world tourists and retirees you'll come in contact with, and the locals who are practicing their English on you. And that's exactly what happened to me in Costa Rica. I was down there for about 3 years. And after that 3 years, my Spanish was nearly as bad as it was when I first landed. And I was beginning to think I was a real Spanish dunce.
[05:30] That is until I moved out of Costa Rica and went to Colombia to an area that was completely off the tourist track. And after a year there, my Spanish had improved dramatically because the locals couldn't fall back on their English to try to communicate with me because they either knew no English at all, or were just a little too timid to try out the English they learned at school on me. And yes, believe it or not, almost every Latin kid these days has English classes in both the public and private schools. However in the public schools, the English teachers themselves have never been to an English speaking country, so they've never had practice with real English speakers, so their English is strictly learned from books and the only real English speakers they've ever come in contact with were and are those English language cable TV stations like e-entertainment tonight and whatever Hollywood movies they show on cable down here.
[06:18] And that's definitely not an ideal way to learn your English, that's for sure. And that's why teaching English in public schools is such a big failure down here. So even teachers who teach English in public schools down here have a hard time with the English language. I've spoken to many of them myself in English and I have a hard time understanding them. Yet these are the people teaching English classes down here to the kids. Now in the private schools, like I said in the previous show, which by the way are so expensive to the average Latin person that only about 5% of kids down here go to private school. Anyway, those schools actually do have many native English speakers on staff, in fact they advertise in the papers all the time for people like that. People like you and me, expats and visitors down here from the first world who'd like to teach English in a nice private school.
[07:05] And those private schools are nice, but they still only pay $300 to $500 a month. So if you're thinking about doing that, sure you can get a job teaching English down here in a second. And you don't need a teaching certificate, in fact you don't even need a college degree. But remember, you're only going to get $300 to $500 a month. So if you think you're going to come down here and live like a first-worlder on an English teacher's salary, even in a wealthy private school, you're not. Because even though the schools are wealthy, the kids and their parents are the wealthy ones, not you. They'll still pay you, the teacher, the going salary, $300 to $500 a month. Which means, unless you have another source of income, you'll be riding the bus to work every day. And you'll be living in a crappy little apartment, and believe me, you won't want your first world friends to come down for a visit.
[07:51] Because chances are they're going to feel sorry for you and go back home telling stories on how you're living like trailer trash. But my point is, only the young rich kids get the advantage of learning English the way it's supposed to be taught, from a real first world English speaker, like you or me. So those upper middle class and rich kids, that 5%, actually get immersion English. In other words, the teacher speaks all day in English, no Spanish allowed. And that's how you can learn any language in a hurry. And that's why they'll hire you or me, as an English teacher, even if we don't know a single word of Spanish, because they want you to speak to the students all day long in nothing but English. So obviously, you don't have to know Spanish to get a job like that down here. But the system breaks down for that other 95% of students, the average kid, the poor
[08:37] kid, that has to go to the public school. The 95% of the other kids down here, who take a few English classes at school, and in most public schools, it's actually mandatory, those kids, even if they have three years under their belt, will not be able to converse with you in English. And they know it. So don't expect, for example, when a kid's mother comes up to you and says, oh, you're an American from New York, huh? And she quickly calls her young son Juanito over and says, my son takes English at school. Come over here, Juanito. Why don't you talk with this guy from the United States? Well, let me tell you, it's pretty embarrassing for both of us when that happens. I can't tell you how many times that's happened to me at birthday parties and graduations and things. Some proud parent brags that are kids taking English in school. And then you're stuck face to face with an embarrassed kid because he can barely get
[09:25] out high. I'm Juanito, pleased to meet you. And that reminds me of that year of French I took in high school. Back then, I knew just enough French to embarrass myself completely the first time I went over to France. And believe me, those Frenchies are pretty hard on you when you talk to them and your French sucks. And I guess it's pretty much the same thing when there's an adult party going and a mother drags her kid out to play the piano after the kids had about a year of lessons, usually pretty embarrassing all around. I know because my mom did that to me too. So anyway, when you're off the tourist track, you won't get locals speaking to you in English. They won't even try, even if they've had a couple of years in school because the English they did learn was strictly from the book and taught by a teacher who was a pretty miserable English speaker his or herself.
[10:11] Oh, and here's another thing I didn't tell you about teachers down here in the public schools and even in the private schools from kindergarten to 12th grade. Guess what? They routinely hire teachers with only two years of college under their belts. In fact, only a very small percentage of grade school, junior high and high school teachers have a university degree at all. And as far as getting a teaching certificate, which is required up in the first world after your bachelor's degree to be able to teach at any K through 12 school in the first world, well down here teaching certificates don't even exist. But you'll see advertisements in the paper saying that some school or other is looking for qualified teachers with the minimum requirement being two years of college. And that's why folks, please understand when I say that when you compare even the most
[10:57] mediocre first world education to the same level of education a person gets down here in Latin America, there's just no comparison at all. And I'm not saying this to be a jerk or a pompous ass, but I have an engineering degree myself. And over the years down here, I've met a lot of engineers, graduates from universities down here in Latin America. And guess what? If I had a company that needed engineers, I wouldn't hire a single one of them. There's just no comparison in the breadth of knowledge department. Sure, the graduates are as smart as anyone from the first world. It's just that they're being taught by teachers with substandard qualifications. And that's obviously reflected in the kind of students they turn out. And as for me, even the most mediocre engineers I went to school with up in the first world, I mean, there's always a bottom 10% of any graduating class, right?
[11:44] From engineers to hairdressers to brain surgeons. But I'm not lying when I say that bottom 10% of my engineering class can run circles around any of the best Latin trained engineers I've met down here. Which is why I always say if a Latin American country decided to make its own jet passenger planes like Boeing, well, you couldn't pay me to fly on one. Not if the engineering staff trained at Latin American schools. That's for sure. Sorry, that's just the way it is. And I did mention brain surgeons, didn't I? Well, actually, I'd have no problem with a Latin American brain surgeon if he was the guy selected to operate on my brain if I needed it. Because the fact is, all Latin American brain surgeons get their training and specialties in the first world, which is A-OK with me and why I'd have no problem at all with one of those guys. But then again, if I did need brain surgery, I'd sure want to know who graduated in the
[12:33] bottom 10% of their class, wouldn't you? Anyway, like I said, I came to Latin America knowing no Spanish, I spent a few years in Costa Rica and improved my Spanish very little because the locals love to practice their Spanish on you and they're not shy about it either. Because tourism is the number one industry in the country. And Latin English speakers get better tips and they advance much quicker in their jobs and careers. And my Spanish only took off after a year in a non-touristy area in Colombia, where the locals were just too timid to try out their rudimentary English on me. So from day one down there, I was immersed in Spanish. And when that happens, you learn very quickly. But right now, I suspect a lot of you smart guys listening to this program are thinking, well, if Johnny says that the schools down there in Latin America are teaching kids English
[13:19] and the English teachers and instructors down there have a pretty crappy command of English themselves, well then, how are you supposed to find a really good 100% bilingual translator for 300 bucks a month? Won't their English be faulty too? Well, the thing is, you're going to be getting your 100% bilingual translator from a pool of university students who are English majors from the English language department in any of the many universities down here in Latin America. You're not going to be mining your talent from grade schools or high schools. You're going to be going for college kids, the ones that are actually English majors, most of whom who have already passed an international test called the TOEFL exam. T-O-E-F-L. And passing that exam is one of the strict requirements when any of the embassies hire
[14:05] people down here in Latin America. And passing that TOEFL exam is also required for all the big transnationals down here when they hire Latins for white collar jobs. Because transnationals like Bayer and Nestles and Siemens do all their financial transactions and negotiations in English. And if you want to hire a 100% bilingual translator down here in Latin America, one great trick is to put an ad in the paper in a want ads section in any of the big newspapers down here in Latin America and you put your ad in English. You don't even have to know Spanish at all. Do it in English. And the responses to that ad will be from English speakers. That's what's called a self-selecting sample. And you might just put in that ad that you want someone who's passed a TOEFL exam. T-O-E-F-L. And if you're wondering, those letters stand for test of English as a foreign language.
[14:54] And speaking about learning your Spanish in English, here's a funny thing. When you do learn a foreign language, or when a foreigner learns English, you rarely learn much about the common street terms, unless you actually go to that country and visit. And I'm not necessarily talking about dirty slang here. I'm talking about common words and phrases that aren't in the dictionary that Latins call dicos. And a dico translates to a local saying. For example, if you say in English, honesty is the best policy, well that's a saying, right? Well they call that a dico in Spanish. And when you're in England, when people are excited and they think something's great, they'll often say the word brilliant, which has been shortened to the word bril. And the word bril is a dico, a saying. Well you'll find brilliant in the dictionary, but you won't find bril, at least I don't think you will.
[15:39] And since every Latin American country has its own dicos, its own sayings, often you have to live in a country a few months to figure them all out. For example, just take the word boy or guy. In the States, the common young saying for a boy or guy, or a kid, is dude. It's a saying or dico, a saying which I kinda hate myself, by the way. And I don't like awesome much either, but it's a dico. Now in Latin America, the word for boy or kid is nino or hoven, but the common slang saying the dico, like the word dude, is chavo or cuate, which more or less mean homeboy or homie, which are also English sayings or dicos. Or more precisely, Latin immigrant or barrio English dicos. Now if you take a Spanish class, they're not gonna tell you all this stuff.
[16:25] You're gonna have to figure that stuff out for yourself, either by watching those horribly crappy Spanish language soap operas, or by coming down to Latin America yourself, and actually mixing with the people. And speaking about weird things in the Spanish language, think about this. If you say papa, that doesn't mean dad or father, like in English. Papa, p-a-p-a, is a potato. La papa, the potato. But you see, if your Spanish is not that great, you can make a big mistake just with that little word papa. Now listen to this. If you say la papa, that means the potato. But remember, Spanish is gender specific, depending on the article, the, in front of the subject word. For example, la papa is the potato. And potato, for some reason or another, papa, for some reason, is feminine in Spanish. So, the la, L-A, that goes in front of it, la papa, is the feminine, the, L-A, is feminine.
[17:17] Now for a subject word that's masculine, like clock in Spanish, which is masculine, so you use the form L in front of the word, L, meaning the, in masculine form, el relo, the clock. But here's how Spanish beginners can really screw things up. Now for example, I said the word la papa, which means the potato. But beginning Spanish students make the common mistake of switching genders around and not knowing it. In other words, the word the, el, or la, are switched around indiscriminately by beginning Spanish learners, like me. And even though I've been down here 20 years, I still screw up genders once in a while. And native Spanish speakers don't really care, they get it. Expans and tourists down here in Latin America are always speaking their own particular version of Spanish, like me.
[18:04] So native Spanish speakers cut us a lot of slack. In fact, they have an amazing amount of patience with us, I think. Like about 10 times more than we have for them when they're trying to speak their broken English to us. And that's one of those great qualities that Latin people have. And it actually rubs off on an expat once he or she's been down here for a while. Now if they just had a cure for my road rage, oh well. But anyway, as much as you might screw up the Spanish language, the meaning is still there and no one's going to correct you. Just like when you hear a Russian or a German or a French guy speaking pretty good English, you generally get 100% of what they're saying. And though their grammar might be twisted around a bit, you never correct them. There's no need to, because you understood what they said. Anyway, the same thing happens when they listen to our Spanish. However, there are some mistakes you can make that absolutely make native Spanish speakers
[18:53] roll their eyes and sometimes even crack up. Take for example that potato I was talking about. You say, la papa, the potato. But if you happen to say, el papa, instead of la papa, because you mixed up the gender on the article, the, well, guess what you just said when you say, el papa. You're not saying the potato anymore. You're saying the pope. And it's even more confusing when you realize that a lot of Latin people call their daddies papa. Not to mention when you go to a junk food restaurant like McDonald's and you order papa's fritas, you're ordering french fries. Technically, you're asking for potatoes fried. Papas, potatoes, fritas, fried. Now I've been to a Latin American Burger King where a clueless gringo like me walked in and he was trying out his bad Spanish by asking for el papas fritas, which means he wants
[19:42] an order of fried pope. I mean, come on, who wouldn't laugh at that? Especially since the pope carries an ungodly amount of weight down here. Now if you're in a little bit higher class restaurant, you can order pore de papa, which is mashed potatoes in English. Yet I've heard gringos with not the greatest command of Spanish, order in a nice fancy restaurant pore el papa, which means, you guessed it, mashed pope or more precisely pureed pope, which sounds even worse than mashed pope and is surely a little more bloody. Anyway, you get the idea. Native Latin speakers tolerate all our stupid language gaffes and we don't even know it. And to be completely honest with you, I found out that in general Latin people are very forgiving of our errors. I've found that they're not much into criticism or sarcasm at all.
[20:29] And even if you unwittingly pull a big social or language gaff, Latins are not likely to laugh behind your back when you've left the room. It's just not the way they are. Oh, they're all for laughs and a good joke, alright? Just like us first-worlders. But sarcasm and insult humor, well sophisticated humor, just hasn't made it down here yet. And in general I just have to say they're much more forgiving of errors. And I think that the patience and the tolerance that they all seem to exhibit results from the massive, horrible government bureaucracy that they're all subjected to every time they have to take a bus, go to a government hospital or school, register for some kind of government program or pay their electric bill. Not to mention the hours and hours they waste each week standing in checkout lines in stores and banks. In fact, they're just so used to playing the waiting game that I'm positive there's
[21:16] a master's thesis in this somewhere for some bright graduate student up in the first world who wants to compare first-world versus third-world bureaucracies and systems. Specifically, man hours wasted standing in lines or sitting on your dead ass. Anyway, the unintended side effect of a bloated, cancerous bureaucracy like that is that Latin people have a tremendous amount of patience. I mean, I too have stood in those government lines, tapping my feet, fidgeting around, and see ready to blow my stack, and yet no one else around me is feeling any of the pressure. And since in government offices anyway, there's practically no such thing as customer service, if you do open your mouth to complain, people look at you like you're out of your mind. Now to switch gears a little bit, lately I've got a few emails from people asking me to
[22:02] expound a little bit more on the idea that when the feces hits the fan up in the first world, when the next shoe drops, whether it's deflation, hyperinflation, European Union crashing and burning, massive defaults, Israel and Iran going at it, or whatever, anyway, people are asking me to explain a little bit more about why Latin America is a very good place to be when that next trigger point happens and the dominoes fall, and they will. Well let's play comparisons again. Now it's been said that about 1-2% of first world people are engaged in farming or some kind of food production. Well did you know that in Latin America, fully 40-50% of all the Latin American people are involved in some kind of farming or food production, and the vast majority of those people are growing something, some kind of crops or fruit trees or vegetables or whatever,
[22:50] right on their own little spot of land, which is usually the yard right around their houses. So when the feces hits the fan internationally, 1-2% of first world folks will have immediate access to food all the time. But after about 3 days to 2 weeks, all the stores in the rest of the first world will be empty, and that 98% of people who aren't living close to the land at all, well as Jethro Bodine would say, y'all better have a gun because there's gonna be a heap of trouble. And here's another thing, down here in Latin America, 70-80% of the arable land has a growing season that lasts all year round, in other words, they can do 3 crops a year. Because 70-80% of the land down here does not undergo a cold, hard frost, while those numbers are exactly reversed up in the United States.
[23:36] Up there, 70-80% of the arable land does get a cold, hard frost once a year, so they can only grow 1 or 2 crops a year. In other words, an acre of land in Latin America can produce 2-3 times as much food than that same acre would with productive US farm land. And here's another big contrast in statistics, I'll bet you didn't know that 95% of the homes and businesses in the United States have either central heating, air conditioning, or both. And again, in Latin America, those statistics are exactly reversed. Did you know that only 5% of Latin American homes and businesses have either central heating, central air conditioning, or both? So what's that hint at if the power goes out? Just think about it for a minute. If your home or business was without power for, let's say, 1 week, well that means, depending
[24:24] on the time of year, that 95% of the homes and businesses will be without their central heating or their air conditioning. But down in Latin America, 95% of the homes and businesses will carry on as usual because they don't have air conditioning or central heating. And here's another comparison. Think about this. Down here in Latin America, the vast majority of little neighborhoods are totally self-sufficient. They're almost like islands onto themselves. Now get this, everyone in every small Latin American neighborhood knows someone who lives within a few blocks of his house, who's a general car mechanic. And there's always a body shop within two or three blocks of everyone's house, as well as a general hardware store, a pharmacy, a physician and a dentist's office, a glass shop, a guy who can do welding, a carpenter, a cement contractor, a general appliance repair
[25:13] guy who can do TVs and washing machines. And within a few blocks of almost everyone's home, there's a general fruit and vegetable market. So do you get what I'm saying? When the feces hits the fan in the first world and it finally spreads down to Latin America, which it will in a smaller way, if there's any breakdowns or repairs or things you gotta take care of, like doctors or dentistry, you can get that stuff within your own little neighborhood. You don't have to drive down to some special business district five or 10 miles away to get your car serviced or your washing machine fixed. And for that matter, if you need some plumbing or concrete work done, there's always someone who's qualified to do it, not five minutes away. Oh, and did I tell you every Latin American home from the lowest tin roof shack to the roof or in the backyard for water storage?
[26:00] And since these things are gravity fed, if the municipal water goes out, and it will if they have a general power failure, there won't be any pressure in the city lines because they need electricity to run those big pumps. And even if the municipality has water stored in some big holding tank somewhere without electricity, no pump and no city water to your house. But since like I said, every Latin American home has its own gravity fed water cistern, if the power goes out, they have enough water for three days to a week. How about you? If you open your tap, and suddenly nothing came out, how much spare water would you have on hand? Well, I'll bet you 10 to one all you have in reserve is what you've got in your standing hot water tank and what you've got in your toilet. And if you're frugal, that should last your family about 12 hours or so if you double
[26:46] up on the flushes. So what I'm saying is this, when the feces hits the fan up in the first world, have your powder dry and your parachute folded. Because like Bette Davis said, fasten your seatbelts, it's going to be a bumpy ride. But what about when the power goes off in Latin America and your washing machines is dead as a doornail? Well, you see, all Latin American families have this outdoor concrete wash basin known as a Pila and they use that thing to wash their clothes by hand when they do have a power outage. Now I ask you, who's going to wash your clothes by hand when your power goes out? And even if you can trick some family member into doing it, does anybody up there in the first world even know how to wash clothes by hand? And by the way, you'll be washing those clothes with toilet water, remember?
[27:38] You've been listening to The Expat Files, living in Latin America, coming to you each week from somewhere south of the border. And don't forget you can email me on anything at all about Latin America. The Expat Files at gmail.com. Once again, The Expat Files at gmail.com. See you next time. Nos vemos.