#1164 – Expat Life in Latin America: Challenges, Culture, and Practical Tips

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came out to play and now that I wonder Hello there all you ex-pat wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started You know the other day I was at a big hotel resort and most of the hotel resorts have casinos And if you happen to be specifically looking for gringos and expats, you know seeking them out just go to a casino now as for me I'm not into gambling I've only been to Vegas a couple of times more than 30 years ago, and I'd only dropped 200 bucks

[00:50] That was my limit and I'm definitely not into searching out expats and gringos either But if I am at a big hotel with casino attached, you know here in Latin America, there are so many casinos I'll have a walkthrough just to observe anyway last week I was traveling a bit on the move and I stayed at a Hyatt for a couple of days I travel a lot so I accumulate bonus points. So it was a deal too good to pass up was a freebie basically Anyway, one night last week around 10 p.m I was walking through the casino grounds and I heard music playing it was a band playing on the bandstand in the bar Right adjacent to the casino and being a B grade musician myself. I'm a sucker for live bands I like to check them out. See who's got talent who doesn't I'm way too critical But hey lots of musicians are especially as B grade guys

[01:36] So I walked in being that the casino was part of the bar and restaurant where the group was playing I ended up sitting down right next to a row of people on slot machines and Naturally when you're in Latin America and gringo meets gringo The usual question is where you from followed by are you on vacation? If not, how'd you end up down here then comes to question unless you're a really old gray-haired geezer Then they figure you're retired. What do you do for a living? It's so funny how when you run into gringos in foreign countries There's this instant sort of bond that would never happen in a millionaires If you were sitting next to the guy in a public place in your hometown in the States Where it would be really rude to come right out and say where are you from and what do you do for a living? You'd either get though. What are you a cop or mind your?

[02:23] business retort So anyway, I was sitting at a table right next to a row of slot machines the band was on break when I walked in I was just waiting for him to start and The 50 something gringo about five foot away from me playing a machine gave me a nod and fired those three questions at me Sometimes I'll put them to if they asked me what I do for a living I'll tell him I'm a retired honest politician then blurt. No, just kidding I'm as crooked as the rest of them I'm down here living it up on your dollar or sometimes I'll say I'm with an NGO charity down here living it up on your dollar Anyway, after about five minutes of banter with these guys I realized they were whining toxic gringos whiners. I had no intention of buddying up with I found out They only came down because they were on a resort slash casino package deal figures

[03:10] A lot of those types hanging around resorts bitchin about the waiters bitchin about the AC. It's too hot or too cold I know I know there's lots of things to complain about in Latin America the drivers bathrooms the roads the service manana time But that's not what you want to talk about when you first introduce to somebody it says a lot about them and their personality They should have stayed in Cleveland anyway just a couple of words with people like that and offers a nice glimpse as to what you're in for if They befriend you or you them as for me I don't have any use for toxic time wasters like that But you're staying at the same hotel You're gonna run into them and they'll make it a point when they see you to come over and sit down and hang Yeah, sometimes they pick up on the fact that you know your way around especially if you know some Spanish and they'll glom right on to you

[03:55] Where she had if it happens is when you're on a cruise and you're stuck on that ship with people who just want to hang with you And when you're on shore, they'll find you and try to tag along with you, too I know I know some of you are thinking Johnny's a real ass Maybe so Come on. Tell me it hasn't happened to you you get stuck with somebody on a trip or a cruise or a vacation They glom on to you or your party and you want to be left in peace or they bore the piss out of you Even worse if you're at a big beachfront hotel You might be out by the beach or pool Lounging with a margarita and some guy from Davenport Iowa who you spoke to for 30 seconds at the reception desk We'll plop down right next to you and there goes your afternoon So anyway, my suggestion is avoid toxic expats and gringos at all costs

[04:42] Hanging around with them or even being casually acquainted with them is bad for your mental health as for me I've distanced myself from all my toxic gringo friends and family by around 2,000 miles They're almost all in Chicago. One of the best things are at least most mind-calming things. I've ever done It's amazingly effective living so far away. It's almost impossible Logistically for your toxic friends and acquaintances to just pop in though Unfortunately, just a few short years ago a new method came into existence That allows your out-of-sight out-of-mind toxic friends and relatives to continuously communicate with you those double-edged swords known as the what's up and signal apps Oh and let's include Skype too before those free services hit the market

[05:27] It cost real dough and the clock was ticking if you wanted to talk to anyone internationally on regular phone lines back Then the cost of long distance was a great excuse not to talk with your toxic friends and relatives up in the States But now since those so-called free phone apps have arrived you have to be more creatively evasive You know that bad signal and signal dropping thing is a good fallback position. It still works on International calls people still buy it Anyway, tell me this hasn't happened to you and this is for you Ex-pat gringos and gringas living down here who have a plan B How many times have you been on the phone to a past friend or toxic relative up in the States and when you hung up? Yeah, didn't feel quite right. You felt bad and thought to yourself that didn't go very well That was a time waster a downer. Why did I bother talking to him her?

[06:15] She it or them and believe me if a past friend or relative ever Instructed me to use a particular pronoun on him. That'd be the last time we ever spoke again I for one will never put up with that woke pronoun crap to me It's an instant sign of a time-wasting toxic retired personality I wonder how many of those fools do you have in your personal sphere of acquaintances? Tell you the truth personally if I had a woke kid he sure it would be an embarrassment of course But not a failure the kid I'd consider myself an utter failure as a parent Funny thing though and a really good and positive thing by the way, is that down here in Latin America I never ever run into Latin Americans who are woke. They don't even know what the word woke means Even wealthy Latin Americans. I know who live in bubbles and have very entitled kids

[07:01] They seem to want nothing to do with the Latin American version of wokeness known as Latin X God makes me cringe just saying it funny thing, too the term didn't come out of Latin America I wasn't invented in Latin America It was invented in Los Angeles by second generation and entitled college-age Latinos Who've gone to US University and caught the toxic wokeness bug and found a way to apply it to their own culture But believe me, it doesn't fly down here in Latin America Even rich Latino families living in bubbles sending their kids to helicopter schools They say that the Latin X movement coming out of the States is a ridiculous embarrassing joke But you knew that already, right? By the way, the Los Angeles Times is so woke that they now have a Latin X Section in the newspaper every week and occasionally listeners send me bits and pieces from that rag that just make me want to vomit

[07:51] And now for the bad news Almost all the woke fools I've run into myself here in Latin America are gringos and expats on the gringo tourist trail makes you want to move to Costa Rica Right? Oh, and of course there are woke gringo expat fake book and Twitter groups everywhere, too So basically it's a disease that is affected pretty much only gringos and expats Meanwhile, the locals are puzzled. They don't get it even when you try to explain it to them They think you're screwing with them. They think it's a joke to them It's an absolute non-issue just another gringo eccentricity like stopping at red lights because you know down here for many Latino drivers Especially motorcyclists and bus drivers a red light means slow down look both ways then punch it Stopping at a red light is only a suggestion

[08:38] Meanwhile back at the casino the band got back on stage and started playing now These were mostly older balding gray haired guys a keyboard player bassist saxophone drummer conga player and female singer All of them and I mean all of them overweight out of shape and past their prime But man could they play I was shocked The singer pretty good the bass player a better more natural player than me It was right on the money and had better tone than me, too You got to wonder what's he doing playing for 75 bucks a night as a casino side attraction? Believe me if you play an instrument Professionally or semi-professionally you recognize right away when someone's better than you are there's always someone better than you are you don't get mad You don't get jealous. Well, maybe when you're 17 you get jealous

[09:26] Maybe he doesn't play better, but his equipment is much better than yours He's got the high buck stuff and you don't not when you're 17 Anyway, the big surprise for me was the guitarist an old guy with a pot belly and a fender strat He was the best guitarist I've seen in years If he'd have grown up in Chicago He'd be making big money touring or at least be a big major Local star with his own club and all that by the way, none of these guys spoke or sang in English They played popular and classical latino songs and ballads and with the congas a lot of Cuban salsa stuff, too man, were they good and The guitar player though. He looked like a worn-out janitor was spectacular When he went into a lead, he wasn't just fast and meticulous He'd make it sing fact when they were doing a Santana song black magic woman

[10:14] I think he hit every note just right while talking to the drummer laughing and drinking a beer He wasn't even looking at his fingers He looked bored playing that song if you closed your eyes It was Santana himself and after the set I walked up to check out his gear He had a beat-up old Stratocaster from the 1980s the backside of it was all charred the varnish was burnt off He said it had been in a fire, but it still played. Okay, so why change? He was the most unlikely candidate to be a guitar virtuoso glassy bloodshot eyes balding gray big old potbelly big red old spider vein nose from Drinking way too much. Yep. I've seen enough virtuoso Latin American musicians playing in shitholes to come to the conclusion that us North Americans And Europeans got it all wrong when it comes to our own guitar heroes

[11:03] Who we think are the best of the best the Clapton's Jeff Beck's Jimmy Page's Stevie Ray Vaughan's and Hendrix's They were the lucky ones the great players that were born in the first world and had an opportunity To show their stuff and get discovered when the public's appetite for media and entertainment was huge Meanwhile in other parts of the world like in Latin America There are people just bursting with spectacular talent That'll never get beyond headlight in a holiday and lounge band in San Pedro Sula Honduras Though you might be thinking like for example with this guitar player who doesn't speak any English It is repertoire is limited to just small-c Spanish genre songs and therefore can't rock and roll in English like our guitar heroes can Well, you'd be wrong because in the case of this guy whenever the band gave him a lot of room to do a solo

[11:49] I heard licks and fills by Clapton's Stevie Ray Vaughan Larry Carlton Pete Townsend Even George Benson that aging lounge lizard super guitarist had nicked and blended little bits from the best of them adding his own Personal touch to the moral of that story. Don't assume the first world has the pinnacle of talent Talent just ain't enough to get to the very top of any profession. It takes talent luck opportunity drive and location You know logistics just one last comment, you know If you go to a big concert to see some very famous musicians or groups, you'll notice the guitarist whether it's Mark Knopfler Keith Richards sting whoever has seven or eight guitars lined up on stage They'll switch around for various songs and the drummers usually have a dozen different drums and 27 symbols

[12:36] Oftentimes you could barely see the guy he's drowning in equipment Isn't it funny the big shot players have all that extra crap on stage and the guitars have a personal guitar Handler who hands them the guitars and tunes them up and such Do you really think having five six or ten guitars on stage makes it sound better makes the show better? It's just extravagant BS for the show. It's easy to prove. It's extravagant indulgent overkill Oftentimes out in the middle of nowhere You can see a really kick ass party band where the band is so good and works so well as a team You just can't believe how good they are and their equipment mostly secondhand Chinese junk Hell, you know fenders got a cheap ass line called the squire You could get a wire Stratocaster for 150 bucks and a real USA Stratocaster

[13:23] It's like a grand a low-end versus a high-end guitar from the same company a virtuoso guitarist can make both of them sound Spectacular I've seen fantastic groups myself where the drummers got three drums and two symbols a minimal kit It's whatever he could fit in the trunk of his car and the guitarist has just one beat of guitar Often dented sometimes flame chart yet. They really sound spectacular and kick out the jams now contrast that with all the extra crap The big stadium acts and groups haul along with them half of it redundant and inconsequential to the audience There's something just not right about that a friend of mine For example saw Bruce Springsteen a number of times in a crappy little crowded sweaty bar in New Jersey Way before he became famous. They had nothing for equipment

[14:10] He saw him live years later in a very big venue No comparison that shitty little bar gig with old guitars and borrowed and broke equipment was the one he'll always remember By the way, I'm no springsteen fan. He's as woke as they come then again That's the problem with 90% of musicians these days. They're terribly Disgustingly woke though It's probably got a lot to do with the fact that that music industry is centered in LA They have to suck up to the retards in the industry to get airplay. It's sad They have to stay woke to stay relevant. Look how they canceled Clapton a superstar just because he told the truth He came out against the Vax cuz the first one screwed him up Neurologically so badly that for months he couldn't play his guitar at all

[14:56] Yep, they canceled him and beat him up mercilessly on social media for telling the truth Even his own woke musician buddies like Brian May from Queen turned against him. All right Let's get back to Latin American stuff. By the way I'm trying to put together another expat insiders seminar this time in the Dominican Republic possibly in late October early November send me an email the expat files at gmail.com if you want to get on the early bird discount waiting list Here's an email from Frankie. It's about constructing and building stuff here in Latin America. Yeah, there's a lot of good bad And the ugly there he says dear Johnny. I'm now living in a split-level apartment in Antigua, Guatemala The upper floor which has the kitchen and living room has a corrugated aluminum roof I just had the walls insulated with styrofoam boards these help keep the cold out longer

[15:42] And I don't have to use my space heater as much But on minimally cloudy days when the temperature gets around 80 Even having the window and glass door open and they're at 45 degrees angle to each other Doesn't do the best for eric circulation and I have to drink a lot of water and use my fan a lot because it gets hot Then he says johnny. I know a fellow who builds houses in the lake atlanta area. He suggested Insulating with styrofoam board glued to the walls He thinks I should have the cracks between the boards filled in with a silicate caulk and painted over too Captain mango on the other hand All right, me johnny chiming in a second captain mango, by the way, he's building a house right now himself Smack dab in the middle of the coffee plantation. He's managing now That's not to say he's building the house himself, but he's managing the construction crew

[16:30] At least he's there every day supervising trying to keep modest by the way get this He says they do a pretty good job. All right, they're hard workers But the biggest complaint he has you'll never guess He says they throw their junk Boxes sacks and plastic food wrappers everywhere and at the end of the day The lot is a mess. They have just no concept when it comes to preserving the environment and making it look nice Why would they it's just like that in their own neighborhoods? Their yards are littered paper wrappers plastic bottles in the street. They're just little piggies Now you have to remember he says His construction crew consists of people who are Lower middle class, which means they don't have their own cars and they live in houses with cold running water We're talking about guys laborers who make around 300 bucks a month

[17:15] Most of them never graduated or went to high school And since they grew up with their parents and uncles and aunts throwing shit around the yard They carry those bad habits with them That's why when people like that sneak into the united states They end up in barrios with the same bad habits because you know the old saying pole folks have pole habits I know. I know a lot of you are thinking johnny. You're such an asshole for saying that about those poor people Yeah Well, you haven't been down here 30 years and involved in many construction projects where you see the effects of their bad habits every day Up front and personal. Anyway, captain mango is construction projects been going on over a half a year now It takes a year to do projects down here because of the rainy season and he's mentioned many times how aggravated he is When at the end of the day the lot is filled with plastic sacks boxes and bottles and other garbage

[18:01] He even mentioned I think he's paid a kid a couple of times a buck or two to pick up around the lot Because the workers just don't give a damn in fact many a long-term gringo expat living down here in latin america said to me The only place in latin america you see pristine environments and there are plenty of them is where you don't have people Or ironically enough when do-gooder gringos and expats come down to an area and organize the locals to do a cleanup themselves The sad thing is most workers and I mean at all different levels have been figured out that cleaning up is part of the job, too Stretching the point even farther. I learned when I first came down here and got a cleaning lady I had to teach my cleaning lady how to be a cleaning lady I'm just amazed how many latinos have cleaning ladies on a daily or weekly basis

[18:46] And when you visit you open the door walk in the house go for the switch plate to turn on the ceiling fan or light And there's dark smudges and grunge all around the switch plate All it would take is a little soap and water windex and some elbow grease and in a minute or two It'd be cleaned up spic and span but no one even cleaning ladies haven't figured that out even now with my cleaning lady I've had her a couple of years now She comes in three days a week when she knocks at the door and 7 30 in the morning I'll say ingrid come with me and then i'll walk her to two or three places around the house where there's some scuff marks On a wall a spider web in the corner a watermark on the floor Or a table. That's right. I have to point that stuff out yet. She's here eight or nine hours a day three times a week I must have told her a dozen times over the years ingrid when you see a smudge on the wall or a water stain somewhere

[19:34] Or a bug that's settled in a corner or a spider web It's your job to take care of things like that Not mine The thing is I guess she just doesn't notice things like that because she lives in an apartment in a bad side of town Abadio pays a hundred and fifty dollars a month for rent You can imagine what the walls and ceilings in that place look like Fact is i've had a lot of old paint cans sitting around half full She asked me one day if I ever was going to throw them out I said probably because eventually it'll get so old it'll be rock hard inside She says well if you decide to throw them out give them to me Okay, and that day I handed them over to her and I gave her some paint brushes and a paint pan, too I knew then and there her place probably looked in terrible shape and she couldn't afford the paint So I gave it all to her and more I say screw the do-gooder charities and NGOs Don't donate to any of those crappy foundations

[20:21] Once you get down here and settle in with your plan B Help out the locals the people you see at the market the people working for you the kids that waved to you on the street Don't give them money either Give them things they can use that they can't buy themselves because they haven't got the dough If you give a buck to the local kid you see every day hanging out at the tienda He's just gonna buy coca-cola and cheetos give him something He'll be able to use an old computer old cell phone a bike microwave washing machine refrigerator You might be changing for a new one But skip the vacuum cleaner the only upscale rich latinos have those The workaday blue collar classes never buy them Just like dishwashers garbage disposals and trash compactors You'd never see them in middle or lower middle class latin homes In fact, you rarely see an electric or gas dryer But back to frankie's email about construction techniques

[21:09] He says johnny based on your home building and an engineering experience What do you think will be the best solution for my place long term as far as the heating and cooling? Since my downstairs area including my bedroom and bathroom are chilly enough that you'd think they were air conditioned I've been tempted to have a system installed to bring some of that cold air upstairs A tube or duct between the upstairs and downstairs then i'd have the upper duct Installed near the ceiling since the cold air sinks What do you think johnny? What are your thoughts on it signed frankie and antigua guadamal? All right frankie. Thanks for that. First things first Antigua guadamalas at around 5,500 to 6,000 feet above sea level So it's smack dab in the lt plan or that means it's around 15 degrees cooler than at sea level

[21:55] So the nights can get chilly in the 50s and 60s sometimes in the day 70 to 80 degrees just perfect springtime weather That means if you've got your house or apartment set up, right? You'll need no ac or extra heating though Some gringos and expats like frankie do use a space heater or fireplace at night as for me I've lived in guadamala smack dab in the altiplano too for many years and I never had a heater Or ac either when it gets cool at night I just put on a sweater or a light jacket in truth I rarely have to do that except on certain dismal rainy days Problem is like frankie says many buildings and apartments and such aren't nicely built concrete structures, but they got tin or aluminum roofs Why because they're easy and cheap to put up and don't leak if installed correctly though

[22:40] I have to say most latin american contractors who just whipped those things together are not into the details So they use tons of silicone caulk, which stands up for a while But eventually in a few years after the structure has settled and a few rainy seasons go by it leaks Plus those joints could look very ugly in second rate down here You rarely see an artist when it comes to caulking and it is an art to make it look nice Just check any bathroom shower stall and you'll know what I mean Anyway, a lot of people down here, especially renters are stuck in a nice building with a tin or aluminum alloy roof called alu zinc It's like it sounds it's a composite of aluminum and zinc and believe me You'll know if you have one of those roofs when the rain comes it could be deafening in a downpour I'm not kidding. Whereas if you have a regular cement terracotta or slate roof even in a big rainstorm

[23:27] It's not very loud at all Now sometimes when you're talking about middle class and lower middle class latin homes They'll have a zinc or alvanized or tin roof And that's what you'll see when you look up when you're in one of the rooms to me It's pretty crude to have to look up at something like that But for the budget minded those places are pretty cheap to rent The problem is like frankie says in the daytime when the sun hits that roof It could be like an oven even with plenty of ventilation So the tricky is not necessarily to insulate your walls. You got to insulate what's above you the roof In other words, if you've got a galvanized zinc aluminum or tin roof and you can see the metal structure while laying in your bed You're never going to be able to completely cool that place when the sun shines Unless you build a drop ceiling below it and don't let your insulation touch the galvanizer zinc aluminum metal sheets

[24:14] You know anytime i've seen someone make that kind of modification They were always able to increase their comfort dramatically without extra fans or ac units Now, of course, if you're building a house from scratch if you're using a metal roof That's the best time to do that drop ceiling business The way to go is to have some circulation some ventilation between the metal roof and the drop ceiling It's easy to do though. Some people especially gringles and expats think if there's some ventilation environments are going to get in there and live That's all you need right bats squirrels pigeons and iguanas living up in that space Well not to worry as long as the sun's beaten on that roof Nothing could possibly live in the intense heat that accumulates between those two roof layers It could end up routinely being 130 or 40 degrees between that space Oh and one more thing

[24:59] You know lots of people talk about putting styrofoam panels on the inside block walls of their house That way if you're going to use an air conditioner, let's say you live by the beach You'll just save tons of money on electricity because you know If you're living at lower elevations or have a beach house Your biggest utility expense will be for the electricity for that air conditioning unit Of course that won't matter much to you if you go solar have a bunch of panels and batteries But that costs so most people just won't do that. Not yet The problem is though if you have an existing structure Let's say it's a beach house and you want to air condition the bedroom Very good move by the way because at night when it's cool, you'll sleep much more soundly Anyway, there are specific systems that allow you to put a kind of a skim coat of plaster over styrofoam boards So some people will get special glue and put up styrofoam boards on the inside walls of the bedroom

[25:51] It works and looks nice. One of the first systems was called the drive-it system d-r-y-v-t You attach styrofoam sheets on the house in the inside or out and you trowel on a special plastic stucco substance Looks really nice when you're done. You could do it yourself. I've done it It's a great insulator for the walls But the biggest culprits in latin america are not the walls But the windows and the doors which leak like sieves But that's not a problem if you're building a place from scratch Then you can order double pane windows and a nice well sealed door with weather stripping If not, you'll keep paying and paying every month on that electric bill and the cost of electricity as you know is going up like crazy Think it's bad now. You ain't seen nothing yet However, the good news is that these mini split air conditioning units Are about twice as efficient as they were just five or ten years ago

[26:39] Just look for the number called the seer number s-e-e-r as long as it's 20 or more It'll be twice as efficient than any air conditioning unit installed five or ten years earlier However, I don't think anyone in the altiplano needs air conditioning unless he's stuck in a big residential apartment complex And he's got no or minimum windows and no ventilation at all But believe me if you have a beach house or live in low altitudes You will not be a happy camper unless you have air conditioning at minimum in your bedroom by the way a fully installed 12,000 btu split mini air conditioning unit for a bedroom will cost you around five to 600 bucks That's it. Oh and their 220 volt jobs too down here Most people have 220 in their breaker box and in the odd case if you're way out in the boonies and you don't

[27:25] You can buy a mini split ac unit that runs on 110 Though it will be more of an energy hog. Oh, well You've been listening to the expat files living in latin america If you need some help with your own plan b we can schedule a one-on-one phone or skype consult Just send me an email the expat files at gmail.com And if you want to get on the waiting list for my next week long expat insider seminar in central america Where you're guaranteed to get a two to five year head start on your plan b send me an email the expat files at gmail.com nos vemos