#1173 – Dating, Relationships, and Cultural Stereotypes in Latin America

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] You know, just a few shows ago, when we were talking about mating, dating, love and romance here in Latin America, man, that opened up the floodgates. I got a ton of emails, like I don't get a lot of emails on that subject already. Now, you've heard me before when I'm touching on that subject, say that I don't want to make this a Lonely Hearts Club podcast. No, for sure, I can make this show completely about sex, love, dating, and dating. Believe me, I'd never run out of material, but I don't want to do that. However, again, by popular request, and because people, even the ladies, find these stories so amusing, I'm going to go deep into this subject just one more time, so bear with me. And as crude and un-PC as this might get, this podcast all along has been about how expats truthfully live, succeed or fail. I'm not marketing or selling anything, so I don't need to polish the turd.

[00:47] That said, let's start out with an email that's a reply to one I read a couple of weeks ago about a guy, an old guy, a 70-year-old guy living in Antigua, Guatemala. He reported on the fact that he's got two girlfriends, both younger Latinas. I think they were in their late 40s. If you recall, he says he often has dates with both of them at the same time. Who knew senior citizens were into polyamory? And to me, knowing that Latino and Latina culture has such high toxic doses of jealousy, I never thought it was possible, but hey, what do I know? I've always been into serial monogamy myself. By the way, on occasion, I've experienced extreme toxic Latina jealousy. I think every gringo and gringa who's dated a Latina or Latino has felt that. So anyway, let me read this reply from the same guy, our 70-year-old polyamorous.

[01:37] Yet another boots on the ground story you'll never get to experience unless you come down here and see for yourself. As usual, I'll paraphrase this because some emails are very long, way too long to read in their entirety on the air. Don't want to bore you. So anyway, here's his follow-up email. Our guy, our geezer, will keep his name secret because that's the way I think he'd like it. He says, Johnny, to elaborate a little on my situation with my two girlfriends, they'll never be jealous of each other. I know that's completely contrary to the stereotypical Latina jealousy image. In fact, they've become close friends and have thought of each other as sort of sisters. Yes, they are Latinas. However, mostly of Spanish, not indigenous heritage because they're both light-skinned. Believe it or not, they both have a doctorate in anatomy and physical therapy.

[02:26] So they're smart and sophisticated. How they both came to be associated with me, I feel, is a miracle that I feel like I should thank them both for on a daily basis. Now to the ladies in question. Johnny, at first I concentrated my efforts on the one I'll call Girlfriend B. This is just for my convenience and doesn't see anything about my preferences amongst the two, one way or the other. But as time went on, I treated both of them to dates at restaurants, etc. Yep, I took them both on dates at the same time. Now you might think because they're a lot younger and beautiful they're in it for the money, but they're not. How can I know for sure? Well, Girlfriend B, as a matter of fact, often offers to pay the fare of the Girlfriend A when we're at restaurants. How do you like that?

[03:11] So then you might ask why are they with me? Well, considering instances like that, and there are more, and me not being a macho man at all. In fact, I'm the antithesis of the stereotypical Latin guy for both of them. And I believe because of that, they both fell in love with me. Johnny, it gets even more complicated. When Girlfriend A first said she loved me, I gave her a hug and said, me too, though not quite believing this could be happening to me. I thought, now what? Well, just to avoid being engulfed in a fireball of blowback, I checked with Girlfriend B to see if it would be okay. She said, don't worry. Sometimes she, that would be Girlfriend A, just a bit more demonstrative than me. We'll both love you and still trust each other, she said.

[03:58] I know, I know, quite the stuff of novels, right? Then as the Covidia C lockdown came, I helped them even more by giving them a little money for groceries and treating them to restaurants more often. And as the economy has become more troubled in the last few years everywhere, I've had to cut back a bit too. But both my girlfriends understand on the home front and on the business level too. Then he says, Johnny, in a past show, you spoke a bit about sex shops in Latin America, triggered by listener inquiries on the subject. As far as me and my girlfriends, visits to those kind of places are not applicable at all. I'll just say that the gringo advantage rides again. In this case, at maximum interest rates. And that's all I have to say about this, except to say, Johnny, you're right again.

[04:46] And he signs it, Señor Suarte, Mr. Lucky. That was the name of a really good Cary Grant movie, by the way. Remember him? Hell of a movie icon. And as we know now, a pretty gender-fluid one too. Well, Señor Suarte, Mr. Lucky, who da thunk, huh? That in your sunset years, you'd be living the life, well, the life. As for my take, whatever floats your boat. I'd like to add the fact that your story breaks another sort of stereotype that floats around, especially on the internet. Namely that it's just lower in middle-class Latinas and mostly uneducated ones, and Latinas who are hurting for dough or Latina gold diggers that are looking to match up with a gringo. Having two Latina girlfriends with doctorates really blows that stereotype out of the water. All right, now moving on, but on the same basic theme.

[05:33] I think all of you guys and girls out there who are in the mating and dating game, or those of you who may not be looking, but have been paying attention to the popular trends, in the way people are hooking up on the internet. That's the number one way people hook up these days. It's no longer old school, no longer analog. Anyway, it can't have escaped your notice that since Latina sex symbols appeared on the scene, starting some 20 plus years ago now, Sofia Vergara, J.Lo, Shakira, Cristina Aguilara, Jessica Alba, et cetera, et cetera, you can't deny there's been a huge amount of interest and curiosity in Latinas in general on the part of American males. And when you do any kind of poll, formal or informal, as to which Latin country has the most sexy and desirable females, according to American males, even females, Colombia comes up on top.

[06:21] Admittedly, a lot of it's because of the prevalence of so much plastic surgery. Another way to prove Colombians come out on top in popularity is to check out those ubiquitous Latin cupid dating sites. Just looking at the numbers, their own statistics. US, Canadian, and European men prefer chatting with Colombian girls, five to one over Latinas from the other 19 Latin American countries. It's a very lopsided figure. So the question is, is it true? Are Colombian ladies really the all-round best choice? Can millions of Americans and European guys be wrong? Is it reality, fantasy, or just a lot of hype? Well, judging from the slew of emails I've been getting from Gringos on the ground in Colombia, I think we can answer some of those questions. Countless thousands of Gringos and Europeans have found Colombian girls

[07:08] online and have actually flown down to Colombia to meet up with them. And some Gringos and Europeans who haven't been online just go to Colombia to check it out for themselves, knowing that many of those girls, if not most of them online, are gold diggers stringing along any number of guys, hitting them up for dough as needed. Now, I've been there many times, and here's my take. Number one, Colombian girls aren't stupid. They know they've been rated number one on the first world mating and dating sites, top of the list in desirability. So naturally, there are lots and lots of scammers out there, gold diggers, and plenty, if not millions of stupid Gringos who will feed that fire. One of my own brothers got sucked into that trap. I'm bringing this up because coincidentally, just in the last couple of weeks or so, since I've been talking about mating and dating a bit, I've gotten a slew of emails from Gringos who made the trek down to Colombia

[07:56] and have had their own mating and dating experiences. I've narrowed down this email pile to a couple of really good ones. Again, I'll paraphrase to cut out the boring and graphic spots. This is from Glenn. He says, Johnny, I've lived in Medellin for five years now. I'm retired military. Loved Colombia after being stationed at the embassy in Bogota for a couple of years. If you want to know about mating, dating, love, and romance in Latin America, I'm the guy to talk to. First, the basics. Number one, I know of very few Colombian women that have enough money to go out and pay for a cab or an Uber, much less have a car. Unless they are professionals or university-educated girls, then they might have a car, but it won't be a nice one. As for the more educated ones, they're a little more conservative. They don't dial themselves up so sexy on weekends

[08:43] like most working-class Latinas that have an eight to five day job where the competition for beauty and fashion is fierce. The only Colombian ladies I've ever met who've had a car had wealthy parents or two parents working hard. If she's an only child or there's just a few kids in the family and the parents both work, she might have a car, but not a nice one. In general, I found if she has a nice car, she's high maintenance or has a boyfriend with money. Another thing, Johnny, no matter what they tell you, they've all got a boyfriend. What good-looking girl doesn't? That guy might not be seriously the guy they love or the man of their dreams, but all young ladies have guys that'll take him out. But beware though, if she has a boyfriend with a car, you'd better watch your ass because if she goes out with you, she's not going to tell him, but eventually he's going to find out.

[09:30] It's a fact that most Latino girls aren't really satisfied with their boyfriends. We'll get to that later, so they're looking to move on up. Anyway, if he suspects she's seeing someone else, even though he's most likely screwing around on her, he won't tolerate it and just might stalk her and trail you to a date. Very embarrassing if at a restaurant, for example. One time, in fact, I pulled up in front of a restaurant to pick her up. I had the car parked a couple blocks away, so I told her to wait at the front door. I'd go get it. I pulled up and stopped, then a guy jumped into the passenger's side and threatened me. At first, I thought it was a robbery or a carjacking, but no, it was her boyfriend. Scared the living crap out of me. That's not a one-off either, Johnny. I know other expats that's happened to. All right, me, Johnny, here, Glenn. That happened to me, too, some years ago in Guatemala City.

[10:19] I don't know if I told that story on the air or not, but it scared the hell out of me. Anyway, Glenn goes on to say, the average girls working a day job make very little money here. Average about $350 a month. Because of that, often on a typical date, when you leave the restaurant or she's going to go home, you give her cab fare. A lot of us gringos and expats don't have cars, so we use Ubers and cabs. Naturally, you're going to pay for the girls' Uber or taxi fare home. Here's the catch. Often, a typical girl will take your taxi fare offer and then wait for you to get into your taxi so she can run off to a bus or the metro station to pocket the difference. That's how broke the average girl is. So instead of a $5 cab drive, she spends a buck at the metro and pockets four.

[11:06] Also realized, Johnny, that in the last few years, many, many Colombian, especially Medellin and Cartagena girls have become jaded. They know Americans have a thing for them, and they know Americans have money, at least a lot more than they have. Rule number three. Realize that if you're 45 and going out with a 26-year-old or 60, going out with a 36-year-old, stop thinking it was love at first sight. May have been for you or lust at first sight anyway, but I doubt it was for her. In most cases, and I say most cases, not all, it's simply because she sees you as her meal ticket. I know that sounds harsh. Don't lie to yourself. Man up and deal with it. Even if they do have a job, 350 bucks a month ain't much. Remember, the physical beauty competition here is fierce.

[11:52] Most of that goes for clothes, makeup, jewelry, and a weekly trip to the beauty salon. That's why almost all the good girls live at home. I know American men don't want to hear this, but the girls here know you have money. Even if you're a loser by U.S. standards and you make only 30 or 35,000 a year, because that's 10 times more than a typical Colombian woman makes. Now, Johnny, because of the recent popularity of Colombians with American guys, they're flooding in here like crazy. Sort of sad to see, really. For me, I like to stay away from Poblalo, Lieris, Barrio Colombia, Las Palmas, 33, Mangos, Cebanita, because there were way too many gringos. I could have flown back to anywhere in the States, except maybe Miami and seen more gringos. As for me, I always frequent the bars and discos

[12:37] off the gringo tourist trail, as you say, Johnny. Though it's not recommended for greenhorns for people who don't know the area and for people who don't know Spanish. It could get a little rough. Remember, every girl you talk to or try to get her what's up number has a boyfriend, and he just might be in that same bar or restaurant. She didn't come alone, you know. Let's just say his testosterone level is probably a lot higher nears. Bottom line, Johnny, in a country like Colombia where the girls know they are hot and that they are on every gringo guy's fantasy list, the hotter the lady, the more she will try to take advantage of you. Sure, it'll be easy to make dates and hook up with girls that were way out of your league when you were living back home. You just have to decide how much of a soft touch you are,

[13:23] how much you'll let them take advantage of you. For example, if she says it's 20,000 or 40,000 pesos for a cab ride home, by the way, the going rate, the tipo de cambio is about 4,400 pesos to the dollar. So, 20,000 pesos is about four and a half bucks. You can give it to her gladly, even though you know she probably won't use it for an Uber or a taxi. Then again, if she's lying to you about something that simple about the small things, how many big things is she lying to you about? That's what I mean, Johnny, when you start out a brand new relationship with someone trying to pull a fast one, even if it's only a matter of four or five bucks, that's why the mating dating game is not so simple. Oh, and Johnny, I know a couple of Latinas who use public transportation, Metro buses and sometimes Ubers, and they have cars, cars that sit in the driveway

[14:09] because they haven't got gas money. Because it seems as a rule, any extra cash they get goes into makeup clothes and, well, looking like a hot Columbiana should look. I know I said that already, but people need to hear it twice. Now, about all that plastic surgery, yeah, so many have it. So how do they pay for that stuff? It's expensive. Well, by our standards, it's not that expensive, but by our theirs, often a year's salary. Well, it's like buying a car. All plastic surgeons have a payment plan. They'll stretch it out for years. And the girls rarely miss a payment. They rarely default because there's so much body sculpting and surgery. Everyone's had a friend or two who's had an infection or bad results and they have to go back. So keeping up with those payments is like having an insurance policy in case something goes wrong in the future

[14:55] or you need more work done. If you kept up with your payments, the doctor will see you right away. Besides that, here in Columbia anyway, plastic surgery seems to be addictive. The girls rarely get operated on once. They're always back for touch-ups and tune-ups. So when the bills come, that's one doctor who doesn't get paid last. He gets paid first. Speaking of doctors, Johnny, I know many stupid gringos who come down after meeting a girl on the internet. They blow thousands of dollars on a girl. They've only known for a month or so texting on the internet and then only two weeks face-to-face when they get down. Isn't it funny? It's such a coincidence. The moment the guy arrives, suddenly their new girlfriend's mother or grandmother's in the hospital. They're sick. They've racked up a $2,000 bill and the gringo pays it. All right, me, Johnny here. You know, that very thing

[15:40] happened to my brother. Sucker for a pretty face. Then Glenn says, some ladies show you their true colors on the very first date. They ask for a whiskey drink with Johnny Walker Black or Cheves. You can be sure they'd never order top-shelf stuff out with their girlfriends. Here's what I do if I'm really interested in a girl and not sure if she's into me or just my wallet. I plan a really big night out for the following weekend and I tell her about it. And then about a half hour before we meet, I call and say, my back went out. Let's just go to a local bar, have a burger at a local tea and then listen to street music. If she says, sure, no problem and is really concerned about my health, doesn't whine or make excuses. That's a very good sign. Truth be told, Johnny, there are some very nice girls in Medi in Columbia. Many from the barrios

[16:26] or just outside the main gringo areas. Seems like the closer they live to Pablo, they're more jaded in high maintenance. Pablo is gringo central, by the way. And the barrios, they're outside of the main areas considered sort of low-class neighborhoods. Places you wouldn't want to walk around alone in at night. Seems like the farther you get away from Pablo, the more laid back the girls are. Girls with decent day jobs like cashiers and bank tellers. Also, I should have mentioned this earlier, I'm a normal-looking guy. No hottie. About a five on the 10 scale myself. I'm five foot 10, almost 50, with a few extra pounds too. My hair is thinning too. Yet, because I speak Spanish, I've been told I have a very nice personality. I've noticed girls' eyes will light up

[17:11] when I start speaking Spanish to them. Even with Google Translate, it's a lot of work dating a girl if you don't know Spanish and she knows no English. Plus, and I don't like to say this, but it's much easier for a girl to scam a guy if he knows no Spanish. I can't tell you how many times gringle friends of mine have told me they were dating a beautiful Latina sometimes for months. And all the while, she had a Latino boyfriend on the side. That's something you could pick up on fairly easily if you speak Spanish. For one thing, you'll know what she's talking about when she's on the phone. She's coy about it, answers abruptly, or gets weird text messages late at night or two in the morning. Another thing, Johnny, because I speak Spanish, I can go up to just about any girl on the street, strike up a conversation and she'll start talking to me. They're absolutely glad to stop

[17:56] and give you the time of day. Oftentimes, I'll strike up a conversation like that. She'll give me her phone number and go out with me. It's a hell of an ego booster, hell of a playground, but it can be dangerous too. I've seen people shot, robbed, drugged, and stopped. Remember, there's always that errant, jealous boyfriend in the background somewhere. Don't fool yourself. Just like back in the United States, where there's a beautiful girl, there's always a guy, or two. Here's another warning. If you've met a nice girl and settled into a relationship with her, she'll want to go to her old stomping grounds, the restaurants, bars, and discos that she likes, and guess who you're going to eventually run into? One or more of the old boyfriends, and you don't want to run into him alone in the bathroom. Well, as for me, I'm ex-military, so I'm not that worried, but you see the problem, right?

[18:43] Finally, Glenn said, I mentioned that early on, they'll probably lie to you, at least about the taxi thing. Though some girls are really honest and appreciative of the truth. And on a first date, even if it's at a simple coffee bar, the girl will always ask you, are you married? Do you have a girlfriend? Any kids? She will check out that ring finger, and if it's been recently removed, she'll notice the contrast. Even if you squirm a bit, you're better off telling her the situation. And by the way, if you're married, they'll tell you to take a hike. However, if you have kids and are divorced or unattached, it doesn't seem to make much of a difference to them, because so many of them have a kid or a sister or a friend with a kid too, as well as a few failed relationships where the guy cheated on her. That's a given. So be honest with them, and they'll be a lot more honest with you. The problem is, though, about that honesty thing. In the last few years,

[19:28] the gringo's piling in, and the internet's social media and Latin Cuban dating sites have turned large numbers of formerly nice Colombian girls into gold diggers. They know how to press our buttons, so it's really as much as our fault for not seeing the early warning signs and being stupid too. Imagine a guy going through life as a 5 in Cincinnati. Every lady 7 and above is going to reject him out of hand. After a while, he's been rejected so many times. He settles for 4s, 5s, and 6s. Suddenly, he gets on a Columbia Latin Cuban site, and all he sees are 8s, 9s, and 10s. Every last one of them telling them to come down to Medellin and meet the family. That's the problem with stupid gringos. They fall for it. They come down. Most often get taken by a gold digger or two. And the ladies themselves, the gold diggers, they say, we deserve it. And we probably do.

[20:15] Signed Glenn in Medellin. Thanks for that, Glenn. Now, wouldn't we like to have a counterpoint argument to all that? From one of those Colombian ladies living in Medellin. A boots-on-the-ground look at gringos and expats looking for love. From a nice, stable, working-class Colombian lady's bird's-eye view. Well, guess what? We have one, and here it comes. This comes from new listener Isabella in Medellin, Columbia. She said, hello, Johnny. I'm not one to write long emails. I wasn't going to mention this. But I'm a 30-year-old Colombian lady born and raised in Medellin, who spent two years in Atlanta, Georgia as a high school exchange student. No, my parents weren't rich. My church helped pay for it. I now work as a translator slash secretary in the import-export business. She says, I would like to set

[21:00] the record straight about why most regular and educated Latinas prefer gringos and Europeans. I won't deny that foreign men are valued by women in Columbia for their money. Just like in every country in the world. But they're also valued because Latino men don't know how to treat or maintain their women. Not like foreign men do. In fact, we didn't realize this till the foreign men came and started dating us. Until then, we had no means of comparison, especially those of us who have traveled. We know that Colombian men are like adolescent boys on many counts. Example. After the first one or two months of the initial dating and romance phase, the woman slowly slips into second or third place to him. Their male friends, family,

[21:47] and sports team events take precedence over her. And until recently, just this generation, Colombian women accepted that. My mother and grandmother did, so did theirs. We also are well aware that a Latino man will eagerly cheat on his girlfriend or wife any chance he can get. No matter how enthusiastically he told his girl, he loved her so much the very night before. And in general, because of the state of our economy, Colombian men don't have a chance to earn a decent living to support a woman. She will always have to work or remain struggling. Because the man will usually settle into doing whatever his parents did, not much, or didn't have the initiative or perseverance to know how to create a real career for himself. Even a university business administration graduate here only makes about $500 or $600 a month,

[22:34] unless he's got connections or his dad has a company and that's not the usual case at all. Our Colombian boys, and I have brothers like this too, they spend much of their money drinking cheap beer sitting around talking about sports and nothing in general over loud music at the corner tienda. Working class Colombian guys go out almost every night. For the average Colombian guy, there's no money left for a decent restaurant where the volume of the background music allows you to have a decent conversation with your lady. Which is okay because there's not much to talk about anyway when a guy has no ambition or life experience. Do you think us Colombian, Latina women like that? Well that's what we're stuck with unless we have the chance to meet a gringo or European. I'm generalizing of course, but that's the story with 80% of Colombians. The working class people, the only chance we get to meet gringos or Europeans is online

[23:20] on the dating sites or in gringo areas like Pablo and Medellin where you can find gringos and Europeans here and there in the bars, restaurants and discos. To Colombian women, foreigners represent the adult world where people have interests, careers and plans for the future and drive to be better than your parents, to travel, to be independent from your parents and not live at home, to have respect for other people and other cultures. At least be open-minded and not so tied to the Pueblo. And foreigners I found have a skill no Colombian guy has. An ability to cook a decent meal and clean up after himself. My God, a man who knows how to cook something other than an arepa. A man who'll make his own bed? That's a miracle in itself. Certainly it's not true with every foreigner visiting Colombia, but it's the belief

[24:06] that there is a different, better, at least more organized world out there that is attractive to us Latinas. Yes, it's true. She says Colombian guys are certainly good-looking and that's good for a few fun nights when you're in your 20s. After that, you guys need to grow up, build a life and learn how to treat a woman. That's all we're really looking for. Plus, need it be said, a guy that won't cheat. Is that asking too much? Apparently. Either way, Johnny, I'm 30. I was engaged twice but never tied the knot. The first guy cheated on me twice and the second one tried to hit on my sister. It was painful, but I broke both those engagements off. Signed, Isabella. P.S. My friends and I have been listening to your show on and off now for about a year. It's fun and makes us think, though we certainly don't agree

[24:52] with everything you say, but we do agree on one thing. We hope you schedule an expat seminar in Medellin. My friends and I would be happy to meet up with your seminar group. Sounds like too much fun to miss. All right, thanks for that, Isabella. As far as doing a seminar in Medellin, always a possibility, you know. I've been there a few times, all right. And yes, the gringos are piling in. Inflation's taken off. Like it is everywhere. And that new socialist president of the year is that just got voted in. He's scaring the hell out of the business community. In fact, the new president, Gustavo Petro, unveiled a plan to impose a wealth tax on the rich just hours after being sworn in. You know, Colombia's already got a wealth tax. If you have over $600,000 in assets, you get taxed a half a percent a year on it. The new socialist president

[25:38] wants to double that to one percent. That means if you have a house or property worth $600,000, you get nailed for $6,000 every year. Let's say you have assets of a million. You hit nail for $10,000 a year. That's in addition to the income tax. So the bill calls for that new tax to be levied on assets such as stocks, bonds, and real estate held on the last day of each year. Wealthy Colombians are already moving big chunks of money out of the country. Funny how so much of it ends up in Miami real estate. Worse yet, as far as wealthy Colombians are concerned, the bill would force them to declare their real estate assets at present value instead of what they bought it for, the original purchase price years ago. The rich, even upper-middle class people are very concerned about that because many properties were bought 15 years ago, let's say at $200,000

[26:23] and are valued at a million now. The bill proposes that all real estate will be re-evaluated at market. Yep, Colombia, nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there. Oh, and one last thing. Don't forget you got till September 15, three weeks from when the show goes out, to sign up for the early bird discount for my Expat Insider Seminar. It'll be in Dominican Republic. Just go to expatplanb.com and click on the seminar link for all the info. Now, I hope you're somewhere along than your Plan B already, but if you're not, come down to the seminar and get a two to five year head start on it. Just be ready to drink from the fire hose and have a lot of fun.