#1252 – The Expat Files: Relationships, Residency, and Cultural Dynamics in Latin America

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came out to play and now as I wonder Hello there all you ex-pad wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started Should we get dicey right away? How about let's talk about mating dating and love and romance here in Latin America Always a popular topic. Maybe too popular. Let's dig into that forbidden email file. That's getting bigger and bigger, man

[00:47] I gotta hit it or it'll get too far out of control There's certainly some good stuff in here bound to piss you off. So let's get at it This is from Luis in Costa Rica. He says Johnny long-time listener Might seem funny to you me living in Costa Rica never having been to the US at all My English is perfect though might seem funny, but I'm a hundred percent Latino I'm an honorary gringo though So my stepdad says because my stepfather is an American gringo a great guy the only dad I've ever known Never knew my real father My mother hooked up with him when I was such a little kid three years old that I don't have memories of any other father But my gringo father So here in my country Costa Rica, it's very common that women will marry foreigners like my stepdad married my mom

[01:35] The idea would be to go to the United States or Canada and eventually get legalized papers most Latinas have that idea in their head as Teenagers before they even meet a gringo or a foreigner if you're a Latina and you're not born wealthy They're sort of pre-programmed into thinking that's a means of escape It's a topic of conversation with a Tina's everywhere my own mother did that and that's why I got such a good education My stepfather a gringo loved my mother and my mother never loved him really but she treated him as if she did Even though she really didn't deeply love him. She never cheated on him That was a point of honor with her because he was such a nice guy and so good to her and me too Over the years I had some discussions with my mother and she told me that

[02:22] Many of the Costa Rican women will cheat on their foreign husbands and would never take the relationship as serious as they would With a man from Costa Rica someone from their nation Even though most of the men from Costa Rica. She said and their faults Drinkers womanizers abusers, but mostly she said they were just bad providers Priorities always in the wrong place. She said that's why American men have such an advantage She said most Costa Rican ladies who end up with a foreign man Like in her case have had their hearts broken by a Costa Rican man and may still be in love with an old boyfriend Or a local man. They already had a kid with and sometimes that relationship goes on and on behind the back of the gringo Hmm. All right, then Luis says the gringos that have relationships with Latinas here

[03:12] Can often last a very long time even forever because for the man it's important that he knows he's getting loved and not feel as if he's getting used for the papers if a Latina lady can show that kind of loyalty it could last a long long time Even though most foreigners know Latinas are looking for those permanent resident papers Then he says for me. That's a sad situation actually Just for the man not for her Because most American guys will never really know if she loves them for who they are and how much getting the papers had to do With it. So to avoid all that drama the trick for an American guy coming down looking for a Latina wife Would be to find one that does not need or want papers Believe it or not. There are more and more Latina girls in that category. They're either from wealthy families or educated Latinas

[04:02] Ladies with their own careers with bachelor's and master's degrees, etc Johnny you probably know this already if a girl's got a bachelor's or a master's degree She can get a visa to the United States or Canada or Europe very easily It's the average Latino without a career or a college degree That can never qualify on her own for a visa to the US or Canada or Europe. You're right Johnny Latinos who have a career or a college degree don't sneak into the United States illegally They could apply for a tourist visa and get in as for my gringo stepfather He never took us to live in the States though He did marry my mother and she has US residency. So do I we never moved We stayed in Costa Rica because my father works at an American company here He had the means to send me to the best schools here. I guess I was pretty lucky signed Luis had Ediya

[04:53] Costa Rica Alright Luis. Thanks for that. Yeah, I'd say you got lucky. All right All right. Now, let's hear from Kyle a gringo who came down to Latin America He says 22 years ago and who's on the other side of the issue. He says Johnny Kyle here Happily married for 22 years. I had nothing but troubled relationships when I lived in the United States One of the main reasons I came down south looking for a solid relationship I'm sure there are plenty of good women up in the United States But I'll tell you there's not a lot of women like my wife who I met in Latin America I actually met her and married her in Costa Rica and If unfortunate events were to happen in the future say she died or I got a divorce I'd exclusively look overseas in Latin America. Once again, he says I can tell you based on my own relatives

[05:44] The feminist culture in the US tends to make women poisonous I have three sisters and some female first cousins who I would not wish on any man Too much risk for too little reward I'm encouraging my own teenage sons to look overseas, too Yes, 22 years ago I met my Costa Rican wife and I brought her back to the United States Though after a few years we ended up going back to Costa Rica because she was not treated all that well by the local American Ladies, she was never quite Accepted in the Anglo community with her thick accent and being a hell of a look or two and us living in an upscale All-white neighborhood didn't help So mine is a cautionary tale for any American who goes down to Latin America to find a wife

[06:29] I agree. It's probably a big mistake to bring her back to live in the United States Unfortunately, that's how it usually works and there's a big price to pay I'd say in most all cases unless the guy's retired geezer He's got to go back to a job in the States the ideal situation though to give the relationship of fighting Chances to remain in that Latin country in my case Costa Rica. That's why so many Latino gringo mixed marriages don't work Because the lady in most all cases It's the Latin lady who's torn from her culture and transplanted to a brand new one luckily for me when we were in the States I saw the danger signs and was able to relocate back to Costa Rica. We were lucky. I was able to do that. I

[07:18] Would definitely look for love and a permanent relationship in Latin America once again, though this time I'd never bring her back to the States and I'd make it very clear from the beginning that we weren't going to move there and If for her that was a deal-breaker Well, I'd thank my lucky stars. I found out that was part of her agenda early rather than later Alright me Johnny here now if you're a longtime listener, you know, I use that same technique I've gone out with lots of Latinas and I've had some long-term relationships, too And in the beginning if it looks like it has a chance of becoming serious I tell them in the first couple of dates. We are not going back to the United States ever We're not even going back to visit. We're not gonna see Nueva York my jammy or even Mickey Mouse

[08:04] Funny too more than a few times. I'd get that quizzical look and she'd say not even Mickey Nope. No Mickey. No mini. No goofy. No space Mountain Anyway, when you have a discussion about a thing like that with a Latina It does give you an indication of where her head's at you gringos and expats out there guys. I'm talking about it It's good to find that out early Now as for the other side of the coin you lady gringa expats If you're down here in Latin America looking for that perfect Latino Here's the thing Latinas are almost always pretty much living on the edge dead broke Even those with careers in higher education have the same problem. Most Americans have they're all maxed out on their credit Cards and they've got no savings. You think the ladies the Latinas are in perpetual debt You ain't seen nothing yet till you meet a few Latinos. They've got no savings even the ones with higher education and careers

[08:56] Yet they strut around on weekends looking like dashing Valentino's They can put on the dog so well You'll never know how broke they really are and if you think that's way too much of an overgeneralization Guess what? I know a few bankers some high-end bankers You should hear the stories that tell me about the so-called high earners in Latin America, you know They've all got credit cards and bank accounts, right? And even the so-called famous eight or ten families every Latin country has a famous eight or ten families Yeah, when those last names are mentioned man, they open doors people say yeah, those are the big important rich people in our country Well, guess what even those family the so-called landed gentry the big landowners Their wealth is really lopsided. They're extremely land-rich and cash-poor

[09:42] They're the ones who are routinely late in paying their bills and their kids They're entitled rich brats have a mission to spend their family into oblivion sound familiar We see that a lot of times with old wealth in the United States only these days There's a lot of new wealth like in the tech sector Lots of wealthy nerds whose kids are not old enough to spend them into oblivion Not yet anyway, because they're not old enough to get a handful of credit cards. Give it a couple years We'll see how that works out. The fact is I know lots of those very wealthy even billionaire rich nerds, you know First generation new wealth it seems when it comes to their own kids. They haven't learned a thing either They're so permissive and so reluctant to discipline their kids, man Sometimes I'm not kidding. I feel like smacking them and their kids

[10:29] I predict in 5 10 15 20 years when their kids become young adults It'll be history repeating itself the kids are gonna spend them into oblivion though Not all of them, of course some level heads will prevail But if you look back, let's say 50 years at the fortune 100 companies If you look at the companies that were privately held family held if you look at today's list There's only something like 15 of the original hundred left. These were huge companies, too What do you think happened to their wealth in most if not all cases when it came to family private? Well, they're entitled bratty kids Once they became of age pissed it away cashed in the family jewels and destroyed a family dynasty Unfortunately, I think that's what's gonna happen to a lot of my nerdy buddies with kids

[11:15] Time will tell all right as we get deeper into the mating and dating swamp here comes an email from a black woman named Sylvia from New York City She says Johnny, I'm an educated black woman with advanced degrees and I keep hearing the same thing over and over Especially the gossip around the New York dating scene I keep hearing North American women are too feminist or high maintenance and Latina women are much more Traditional and conservative so they make better wives pushing back Johnny. I'm a modern educated black woman I do not want the average black man in America. I don't need a guy like that in my life I say let the average black or white man go to Latin America and get a woman Economically, I understand the average man in America white or black would be a top man in most places in the world

[12:05] You say yourself Johnny that the average person in Latin America makes about four hundred dollars a month Any American man making minimum wage would be king in such a place So I can see why so many average men decide to exercise their options elsewhere as for me though I'm not looking for an average man. I'm above average myself. So why would I settle for less? Let the average man black or white go to Latin America and find his average girl Let him have those latinas those men are seeking Submissive old-school women who've not been liberated and have no rights or do but don't know how to exercise them The bothersome thing though is it seems Extremely predatory in some sense

[12:52] Considering so many average American men are going overseas to underdeveloped countries where most women don't even know how to speak basic English and When those guys are interviewed on YouTube, they don't mind that there's minimal communication funny though How a psychologist and psychiatrist will always say the biggest problem when it comes to failing? Relationships is lack of communication So then isn't the obvious lack of communication a recipe for disaster from day one Then she says I watched a few YouTube videos where men had gone to Central and South America on charters Just to find women almost all of whom don't speak basic English and those men However, once interviewed back in the States a few years after they brought their ladies back with them

[13:40] Report that almost none of those relationships worked out Somehow she says it seems as far as black guys it's just a bunch of losers going elsewhere who can't make a relationship work with a woman from any country basically those kind of men don't value women as equals and Prefer to have a woman wait on them like their mothers did but soon enough for a modern woman of any culture that gets old Fast anyway, Johnny just thought an educated black woman's opinion would help signed Sylvia, New York City Hmm she sounds a little pissed off What do you think? All right If you think Sylvia is a little pissed off about the recent goings-on in the battle of the sexes listen to this This one comes from sissy in New Jersey

[14:27] She says I've worked in the travel industry and women mostly slightly older women routinely book So-called all-girls vacations for the purpose of sex in Latin America and the Caribbean How is it that men don't complain when older women travel to the Caribbean or Latin America to get their Mandigos I? Don't think it's right that women castigate men who want to travel overseas to find women elsewhere. It's their right to do so Older American women do it all the time. It's sort of a whispered travel industry secret There are certain countries cities and destinations that are noted for that kind of American female wanderlust activity even married groups of women do this and brag openly about them paying poor men in certain well-known beach towns and

[15:17] How good and attentive those guys are compared to their own American men? She says I guess it's just convenient to shame men all the time But look the other way when the opposite sex does exactly the same thing Then she says I've booked women for sex trips to Jamaica Brazil African countries Costa Rica and the Dominican Republic No, they've even made a few popular movies about it But you never hear complaints coming from men or long articles written dissing it how come it's not okay for men But okay for women So here's the thing Johnny as for American men going south looking for Latinas There are two types of men number one the trash holes that go to developing countries to find women just for sex and number two

[16:04] American men who are actually looking for a Latino wife because their relationships in the states have not worked out But as for American ladies Going south of the border looking for male companionship There is only one type the ones that are looking for a quick couple of days or a week of sex with a hot young Latino surfer type She says in all my years as a travel agent I've yet to meet a single American lady on a mission south of the border to find a Latino husband I'm not saying it's never happened, but it's never happened to me or any other travel agent. I know Signed sissy from Newark Alright sissy. Thanks for that. You've brought up some very interesting points You know, you're right. I've met scores of American gringles and expats coming down looking for a Latino wife, but never

[16:53] Have I ever met an American lady who's come down specifically looking for a Latino husband? Oh And there's a PS to this email then she says Johnny. Have you heard about the websites called passport brothers? She says passport bros not brothers bros is an outgrowth of the black Manosphere then she attaches a link here. I click on the link and here's what you get a collection of YouTube content creators who discuss issues around American cultures demonization of black masculinity That's what it says passport brothers are primarily black men who leave America shopping for wives and girlfriends in Brazil Colombia Thailand Costa Rica Dominican Republic Philippines pretty much any third world country outside of America it goes out to say men on these sites believe American women

[17:44] Particularly black women have the wrong values Expectations worldview and attitude for a serious relationship. It's members of the passport brothers Club Chronicle They're searched for love and sex, etc on YouTube tick-tock and Instagram Turns out the movement is growing like crazy because there's an untreated disconnect between American black men and women according to expert couples psychologists the gap is growing wider and wider as black women see their roles as leaders and primary bread winners of the black community Alright, I'm looking at one of these passport bros websites now And it says with no institution or individual addressing the major rifts between black men and women Us black men are abandoning American women searching for women in other countries who are not hostile towards traditional relationship roles

[18:35] It says baby mama drama. That's a good one baby mama drama Is driving black men to acquire passports and look elsewhere in places like Latin America and the Caribbean for relationships and The pushback from black women is that they claim these men are bitter and aren't man enough to deal with a so-called strong black American woman Alright, I'm looking at another passport brothers article It says black women in America have gone on their tick-tocks and social media accounts to speak Passionately against the passport brothers movement. It says black women already have way too much load on their shoulders For many this movement is the straw that broke the camel's back With most the social media rebuttal saying that passport brothers men are weak black men that don't know how to court strong black women

[19:25] With a lot of black American women believing the passport brothers movements true intentions are just to have sex with foreign women They're not searching for love or a wife just sex. Oh and some black women are militant about this They're saying that they believe passport brothers members are just emulating their white masters who've been notoriously known for colonizing and going to third world countries to find submissive wives and partners and Some black women are saying on these passport brothers rebuttal sides That the foreign women only want these black men for the money They give them and they aren't really falling in love with them They're just using these men for a leg up black women who are anti passport brothers are even calling these men scum predators and in some instances pedophiles

[20:12] Even more interesting is a social media feedback from those women in third world countries They're also going to their tick-tocks etc in support of the passport brothers movement saying that some women in the western world black women don't know how to treat their men third world women are saying first world women lack femininity and When these black men go to their countries latina women treat their men like they should be treated The article goes on to say no matter how you slice it the passport brothers movement continues to grow exponentially Just one of their Facebook group says tens of thousands of followers All right me Johnny here my comment is I never heard of it before but I do have a relevant boots on the ground story That runs along similar lines

[21:00] Now when I first heard of the passport brothers, I looked it up in the urban dictionary You know what that is right slang dictionary now There's a definition written by a man and a definition written by a woman wouldn't you know? They're completely different. Let me read the definition written by a man and you can guess what the woman's would say Passport brothers definition urban dictionary men who understand that Western women have drunk the Kool-Aid past the point of no return Passport brothers are men who got their passports to enjoy happiness and peace with fit friendly foreign women Alright, so here's my passport bros boots on the ground story turns out a couple years ago when I was in the DR I Ran into this black guy who has a daily or weekly podcast

[21:49] Based in a town in the DR called Sasua. He was an American merchant marine He traveled all around the world on merchant marine ships And he discovered this little town called Sasua a beach town close to that famous resort area Punta Cana Just a sleepy little beach town not really on the tourist trail at all The enough he's discovered quickly that the local girls all them poor making two or three hundred bucks a month just love foreigners white black or tan Anyway, he said he was treated so well by the locals He actually moved to that town and started a podcast from there some years ago One of his main talking points being the love and romance angle, of course soon enough He started getting inquiries from people in the States and believe me almost all of his audience were black guys

[22:36] That's the kind of podcast. It was pretty much exclusively for black guys And as he started talking about the wonders of Sasua Showing his girlfriend and girlfriends and how well he lived in that podcast Some of his listeners started coming down and he'd meet up with them at the airport hang with him a bit and give him some pointers And suddenly he'd created a little growth industry and as he told me after about a year or two it got out of hand He'd created a monster all kinds of his listeners were coming down with their bling and their wads of cash Most of them just open a hookup for the sex thing and they did The word got out there were foolish black gringos with wads of cash flowing in every week and all the bad girls in the vicinity Started flowing into the place too soon enough the nightclub and bar and disco scene got out of hand

[23:22] The Americans coming in became less and less discreet more unruly more drunken disorderly more flashy with her dough and bling And soon enough a criminal element of hot ladies Started preying on these guys getting them drunk taking them back to their hotels and Airbnbs Lifting their wallets and bling setting them up for extortions, etc, etc It became quite well known that a lot of these Americans would come down for a week or a weekend and get completely cleaned out Which they most likely deserve anyway over the next couple of years the little town's reputation got so bad The town of Susuah got the nickname the sewer and this podcast guy got so bothered by the low class of Americans He was attracting he threw in the towel and moved away completely after he'd been robbed a few times He admits he's the one that killed the goose that laid the golden egg

[24:10] Funny thing too. He told me that lots of his stateside listeners wanted to come down But they couldn't get their passports in order because they had felony convictions He had a lot of that class of people listening to his show if you know what I mean Hey, I've got guys in the slammer listening to this show too, but hey, you know what I mean So it's logical if you're gonna be one of the members of the passport bro club job number one get a passport So if you're a felon you're SOL now as for me I've never been to that town Susuah But I've met some blinged out guys in other parts of the DR who have based on their bling and limited brain power You can count me out By the way, there's another little beach town farther on up the coast another town. I've never been to called Cabaret or Cabaret and that's one of those little beach towns have been told by so many people here in the DR

[24:59] Where older american ladies come down to find those hot young? Latino beach bums as mentioned earlier in the show It's strictly a no-tell hookup town for older american ladies on vacation looking for young hard bodies And it's been able to keep its reputation on the down low for years because older american ladies Don't pile on the bling and get sloshed and make fools of themselves in public They're infinitely more discreet than their american male counterparts, which is probably why no one talks about it There's really no press on it I bet a lot of you are hearing about this stuff for the very first time hell this week It's the very first time I ever heard of the passport bros. How about you? All right. One last email on the strange but true side. This is from larry. He says johnny

[25:46] I also love visiting and hanging off the gringo tourist trail like you but for very different reasons Then what you usually describe He says i've had it with the gringo tourist trail. It's just loaded with fatties on electric scooters He says anywhere american tourists are flocking to have become handicapped accessible That means the fatties on scooters have arrived. They're everywhere. Not just at walmart Meanwhile, he says off the gringo tourist trail No one bothers to make it handicapped accessible Just not enough tourist income nor american NGOs and do-gooders to make it happen Off the tourist trail. He says you've got uneven roads and sidewalks crumbling curbs and no ramps Thus no decrepit gringos on scooters

[26:32] All right me johnny here boy. Is he right about that? I remember years ago You'd never see anyone on a scooter the technology and the lightweight lithium battery power just didn't exist But there's big demand now thanks to guys like stephen hawking and the obesity problem Oh, here's another tip if you don't like dodging fatties on scooters If you like taking ocean cruises go on a cheap line like carnival turns out to more drunk college kids and unruly Adolescents the fewer the passengers from the scooter crowd just too many obstacles As opposed to an expensive cruise where there's always a bunch of old rich guys and gals putting around on high-end scooters Isn't it odd the cruise lines and tourist trails are filled with them Especially on high-end cruises because you see on the more expensive cruise lines

[27:20] The state rooms are bigger the hallways wider the people a bit older and more cultured and no one's in a hurry to get drunk That also means fewer whiny tykes to get trampled by a scooter. Man with that heard You've been listening to the expat files living in latin america If you need some help with your own plan b we can schedule a one-on-one phone or skype consult Just send me an email the expat files at gmail.com And if you want to get on the waiting list for my next week-long expat insider seminar in central america Where you're guaranteed to get a two to five year head start on your plan b. Send me an email the expat files at gmail.com