#1296 – The Expat Files: Navigating Friendships, Residency, Dating, and Cultural Nuances in Latin America

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came out to play and now as I wonder Hello there all you ex-pad wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started Here's something that might amuse you or not. I Have an old friend from my high school and junior high school days from up Chicago Mexican guy Johnny Gonzalez otherwise known as taco That happens, you know Latinos love their nicknames

[00:49] Anyway, Johnny will send me an email and then four or five years will go by and I won't hear anything By then I completely forget about the connection then I'll get another email Anyway, he said he's dying to come down and visit Except when he went down to get a passport It was no-go because he's a felon. Actually, he's got three felonies He did his time. I think he was in the slammer three times He said I don't want you to feel sorry for me though. Sure. I regret my felonies, but it's not all bad He said, you know certain women are attracted to guys with felonies in my circles anyway, he said Maybe not the circles you run around in Johnny, but I'm telling you it's true And you know when he wrote that I had to sit back for a minute and think about it

[01:36] It's funny how notorious criminals in jail get marriage proposals from women all the time Not quite the circle of friends. I hang with you know the old saying but for the grace of God or Buddha or Krishna I could have gone down that road to you know, the popular saying you're the average of your five best friends It's a good thing. I parted ways with my five best junior high and high school friends So have any of you guys and gals out there maintain friendships with some iffy characters from your past Who turned out really bad, but you remain friends with them because hey those childhood connections. They can last forever By the way, Johnny Gonzalez is second-generation Mexican-american born in Texas and his felonies all drug related

[02:23] So then why am I bringing this up because I get emails from people all the time Telling me that they're having a problem getting residency in Mexico Guatemala Salvador, whatever They're telling me that when they apply for that FBI report You might know the drill you have to put your fingerprints on a piece of paper send in 35 bucks or so And in about a month, they send you a certified apostilled copy of your antecedents In other words, you get a rap sheet on yourself That is if you've got any antecedents or previous federal crimes on your record By the way state charges like having to go to court for failure to pay alimony or child support That kind of stuff does not show up on your FBI report So anyway, I get a steady flow of emails from people saying Johnny. I got my FBI report and it's not clean

[03:11] It's not quite filthy dirty, but it's not clean They asked me if that's gonna cause a problem when they apply for residency Well, I can't really answer that you have to talk to your immigration lawyer the one that's putting together your residency papers in fact, I have known cases where soiled FBI report came up and Somehow they got it expunged applied for a new one and it was clean each case though is highly individual But that question's still out there Do you have a high school buddy or two? They were good friends of yours in the past a long time ago, but you'd prefer now to never run into them again Come on. I bet you've got one or two Alright moving on. You know, I get lots of emails from older gringos still up in the states But having a plan B is high on their list

[03:59] Funny thing though lots of gringle man up in the States. I'm talking about the over 50 crowd They're single divorced, whatever kids all grown up in that but they express in their emails that they're very gun-shy Jumping back into the mating and dating game because up in the States It's such a minefield and they've been burned They're wondering if it's gonna be difficult in Latin America to find a girlfriend or boyfriend And sometimes they think it's gonna be really tough because they don't know Spanish I can understand that and to tell you the truth if I was living up in the States I don't know how I'd be able to handle the mating and dating scene myself Obviously if you're living up in the States, there's no such thing as a gringo advantage Everyone tells me that mating and dating up in the States is hit and miss a lot of stress

[04:45] Like for example a guy named Peter who wrote to me just two days ago. He says Johnny I'm 47 years old and feel like I'm living in the wrong century No luck in the mating and dating business at all I'm a couple of years divorced. My two kids are finally out of the house. I thought well, I'll try it again Mating and dating that is he says I got on one of those tinder-like sites Started chatting with a few 30 and 40 something girls One of the questions I like to ask is what was the last book you've read and when did you read it? Because I'm a reader myself and I think it's important to have that in common. All right, hold on a second me Johnny here Funny you should mention reading I was just talking to an expat the other day and he brought that up, too

[05:31] He said he'd like to find a girl who read books as a hobby as well Then instead of sitting around watching Netflix and vegetating we could actually do something constructive together Anyway, Peter says no luck can't seem to find anyone who reads books these days In fact, I get the impression that when I say that I read books They disqualify me. They're thinking what an old fogey. What a dinosaur Sorry, but I just don't have too much use for social media When I admit it, that's not a very good answer either They seem to want to disqualify me on that count, too I can't lie Johnny there were a few times when I popped that question about book reading when I'd get a lame response You don't know how many times I wish I would have said to her. You've heard of books haven't you?

[06:17] They're sort of like tick-tock for smart people Haha tick-tock for smart people good one. So Johnny as a result I've got no choice, but to lower my mating and dating standards on the plan B front though Johnny Everything's falling into place. I should be down in 2024 I hesitate to ask though, how do Latin Americans feel about books? signed Peter from Munzee Is that Indiana or Illinois? Anyway Peter to answer your question, of course Latin Americans love books, but do they read them? Well, yeah when they're forced to like taking a class at school Pretty much just like American kids The fact is if you're sitting in a coffee shop down here in Latin America

[07:04] You just might see one or two people reading a book That would generally be a Latino college student or an American or European backpacker Yep, oddly enough backpackers still maintain the book reading tradition They seem to be single-handedly keeping that book reading tradition alive In fact anywhere you find hostels or backpackers, you'll find a used bookstore or two There's a lot of book trading going on you walk into one of those places with a book pay Maybe two or three bucks and trade it for something else in the store. I've done it myself a hundred times now I'm not a backpacker never was but in the early days in the first I'd say ten years I were down here in Latin America before the internet I had to go into those places all the time stock up on books kept me occupied But anyway Pete if you think you're gonna find a Latina girlfriend down here who reads books. I mean for leisure

[07:53] I guess it's possible. I had two Latina girlfriends who actually read books Well, I take that back one of them actually read books the other one fibbed and said she did Well, I bought her a couple of bestsellers in Spanish. She never cracked them once yet the other lady She was really into reading most unusual for a Latina or Latino really sharp, too That girl was you do run into him once in a while I used to think that if I had a business at that time I had a hired her in a second Now, of course if you go into a big mall anywhere down here in Latin America There'll be a bookstore selling nothing but new books No trade-ins allowed but man you can walk in the front door with a shotgun Let loose with both barrels and never hit a soul. I just don't know how they stay in business Maybe because they've always got a little restaurant and a coffee shop attached

[08:41] Oh and one last thing about mating and dating my dad used to say of course He was referring to mating and dating in the USA. He used to say finding the right girl can be tough If you're ugly, you better be funny And if you're ugly and not a barrel of laughs, you better have money and you know looking back on that I think he said that to me because he knew I was a solid six In other words, I better be funny or rich, but little did he know little did I know There was this thing called the gringo advantage that I'd find some years later by hook and crook Just stumbled into it a kind of Cinderella effect that automatically as you cross south of the border Gives you two extra points on your score So a four becomes a six six becomes an eight and eight a ten

[09:29] Don't believe me then come on down and find out for yourself Funny thing too even gringos who've gone native, you know straggly hair rumbled around the edges Sort of looked like they've been sleeping in the same clothes three days running Yep, even gringos gone native as repulsive as sometimes they may be, you know going native means hygiene's not a priority even so it seems all gringos gone native have a steady girlfriend and Generally not a girlfriend that's hit the skids like her boyfriend the gringo had done Usually some nice Latina girl loves this sad sack gringo and takes care of him In other words, even guys gone native have the gringo advantage So then you might be thinking what about gringo ladies gone native? Well, thankfully you won't see that much

[10:15] But when you do it's a sad sight to see I'd say about one in 20 Americans gone native our ladies You can generally recognize them a block away. They've got red or green hair Loaded with tattoos and piercings barefoot usually selling handmade jewelry and a little stand alongside the road I always wonder how did that happen? And what would her parents think though? Sometimes you see a gringo gone native who's 40 or 50 years old talk about sad cases Oh and before I forget, you know, I read books once in a while I think a lot of you listeners out there know that because I get emails from people saying Johnny. What are you reading these days? Can you send me a copy and I usually do though. My reading list isn't exactly everyone's cup of tea

[11:02] Well, I'll tell you what I've been doing for a long long time. I'll read two nonfiction books, you know science or Biography history or something then I'll read a book. That's a guilty pleasure You might laugh if I told you the titles of some of them. Anyway, I usually manage to polish off one a week or so Sometimes too now captain mango, you know, he reads a book a day. He's been doing that for years So you bookworm single ladies out there. Take note. He gets the gold All right The only person I know who reads as much or more than he does is my mother though She still goes into a voting booth and pulls the Democrat lever. There's no accountant for taste. Anyway, my latest reads Let's see in the last couple weeks. I read the Elon Musk biography I read the book jaws the story of a hidden epidemic, which is not about sharks, but the human skull

[11:48] And the book that's my guilty pleasure for the week my effing life by Getty Lee You know bass player of the Canadian band rush. Are you sh? Oh and another guilty pleasure But I could not finish this book. I had to put it down. It was making me sick Barbara Streisand's Autobiography called my name is Barbara. What a pretentious stuck-up She's just not a warm carrying a nice human being She's got absolutely zero redeeming qualities except that she can sing she can really sing just abrasive Stubborn. Well, I could go on so after about a third of the way through I just threw in the towel I thought this is wasting my time. Oh and last week. I read the mysterious case of Rudolph diesel

[12:35] You know the guy who invented the diesel engine. Don't laugh It was super interesting and a New York Times bestseller though The New York Times is more like the National Enquirer now So I guess maybe I should have said that by the way If you want any of those books send me an email the expat files at gmail.com Say do you guys know who Noel Coward is or was? He was a world-famous playwright probably the most famous playwright in the 1930s and 40s Anyway, he was good with quips and he once said why do the wrong people travel? And the right people stay at home sounds crazy, right? But remember he said that something like 90 years ago Now I think what he was referring to is that way back one in the 20s 30s and 40s Only the very wealthy could travel they take steamboat cruises

[13:24] You know trips around the world on the Cunard or Titanic Queen Mary, etc By the way, did you know that Titanic had a sister ship actually two sister ships identical in every way The Olympic and the Britannic and the Britannic hit a German mine in World War one 1916 and went down Anyway point is there was a time when only rich people could travel they'd take two or three months off at a time Go to Europe South America, whatever There was no middle class or god forbid a backpacking travel culture That all started in the 50s and 60s with college students taking the summer off and traveling on the cheap Did you ever notice in movies from the 50s and 60s when they show Europe let's say London Paris or Rome?

[14:12] There is almost no tourists yet these days European tourism is balls to the wall Oh and another thing Noel Coward said when asked on a talk show if he was ever gonna retire He said listen writers never retire. We either drink ourselves to death or take a bullet to the head. Hmm Got that right. I Was dead drunk while writing at least half of his books. He admitted that in his autobiography So what's that got to do with the price of tortillas except to say that before I came to Latin America I always thought Americans, you know, North Americans like me and you had the worst spending habits But the Latin American people man, especially the poor and middle-class Latin Americans They've got absolutely terrible spending habits and the wealthy Latinos aren't much better. By the way

[15:02] Did you ever see the article by Warren Buffett? It's called ten tips to remain poor He ought to know right Warren Buffett one of the greatest investors that ever lived It's as if Latin Americans use that tip sheet as their spending Bible You know, I remember many times having a similar discussion with my Latina girlfriends almost all of them who were terrible with money I mean really everyone wants to have money in a nest egg and some savings, right and They say 50% of Americans couldn't scrape together $500 in an emergency That may be so but 50% of Latin Americans if there was an emergency couldn't scrape together 50 bucks even 20 Now I don't know about you But when I was a kid my mother'd go through the newspaper Check out all the stores and the prices of things and she'd head out in the car

[15:51] Maybe cross town to save you know, two bucks on a product She'd make the calculations aside if the trip was worth it or not She had lots of stops to make lots of things to buy She'd have a plan with the most efficient use of time and money and man She had this big stash of coupons. Remember those in Chicago we used to go to the SNH green stamp store as well They used to give those things out when you bought gasoline at Citco Conoco or Sinclair the one with the big fake dinosaur at the gas pump You'd get those stamps pasted in books. If you had enough, you could go trade them in for things at this big store I got my first baseball glove that way. I Know I know people in the states. Just don't do that anymore. It's too inconvenient People don't care about saving a few bucks or a few cents. The thing is

[16:40] Americans North Americans went through that stage that coupon clipping stage that frugal stage in the 60s and 70s and Latin Americans Never did they never had coupons. They don't take the Sunday paper Scour it for sales and price shop when they need something or want something They just walk over to the corner tien de a block or two away Now they could get on a bus to save a whole ton of money by going down to the Central Market and some folks will Do that, but the vast majority when they need one or two particular items They'll just go to the corner tien de and pay 30% more for everything where shit Latin Americans are addicted to delivery I'm talking about those little motorcycles that will come from McDonald's and Burger King Kentucky Fried Especially on weekends, man. The delivery business is booming again

[17:27] Latin Americans are addicted to take away food even though they really don't have the money to afford that kind of extravagance Now I'm not saying to follow my example here. I'm sort of extreme to the other end of the spectrum I practically never have anything delivered but Latin Americans man sometimes on weekends Especially the same family will have food delivered twice in one day from two different restaurants That would be number six on Warren Buffett's ten tips on how to stay broke order fast food every chance you get Another way to remain broke and Latin Americans are guilty of this too is never pack your own lunch always buy street food Though when I first came down here everyone would pack their own lunch and now almost no one does Instead they go to the little street food vendor little kiosk

[18:14] Buy some greasy pupusas or arepas or some of those nasties chicharrones drop Buckard two or three in the process, which doesn't sound like much But remember we're talking about people making 250 300 and maybe 400 bucks a month So as far as workers buying food from those street carts, those guys would line up twice a day for breakfast and lunch I really didn't know how those guys made ends meet Because at night after work, they like their cerveza too In fact, I remember at my own construction projects at noon Everybody would take a break to eat in the early days The workers wives and girlfriends would pack them up box lunch healthy natural stuff too these days not so Now they've got two or three little food kiosks parked out in front of every construction project

[19:00] And of course, the result is everyone here is getting fatter. Well, not everyone However, I think the worst spending habits Latinos have picked up from Americans is the addiction to credit card debt Everyone's got debit and credit cards down here very low limit credit cards though Sometimes only 500 bucks so it's not like a person can get into everlasting monumental debt Problem is like up in the states. They get multiple credit cards and check them all up to the limit Now oddly enough for a culture that's so short on cash I can't believe Latinos don't make it a point to price shop Let's say Latinos in the market for a 42 inch flat-screen TV There might be 10 stores in their city that carry the same model with a range of prices

[19:45] You'd think they'd be smart about it and shop around and go for the lowest price same TV, right? But they don't Now I don't know about you. But when I buy a medium or big ticket item, I Do an extensive search Sometimes too extensive, but don't you look for the best deal the best price, but it seems for Latinos. It's just not a consideration By the way, how do you feel when you buy a washing machine or a TV a week later? You're walking through another store and you notice the same items on sale 50 bucks cheaper. It burns you up, right? Well Latinos don't seem to have that concern and no one I mean no one saves up for anything No one's got a nest egg. No one middle-class. Anyway. Oh and when those remisses come in from the relatives living up in the States

[20:34] I read somewhere. It's one in four to six families depending on which Latin American country you're talking about You'd think when those remisses landed, they'd save some of that dough, but no suddenly Keeping up with the Garcia's kicks in one month. There's a car in the driveway or a motorcycle every month It's something new the house gets painted new TV new sofa enough said about that. All right moving on Here's something that's quite amusing made me laugh Don't you love it when woke Hollywood entertainment types turn on each other and eat their own? Thanks to Ned a listener who sent me this article entitled Cardi B turns on Democrats Cardi B says what a bitch New Yorkers are gonna be drowning and effing rats and

[21:20] I'll edit this to make it somewhat palatable for your human consumption It says Bronx raised rap superstar and former stripper prostitute thief and billionaire Cardi B turned on Democrats and New York City mayor Eric Adams for controversial budget cuts last week That would affect schools libraries firefighters police and much more Cardi B super rap star with a 10-word vocabulary was formerly a mega supporter of the Biden administration Even invited to the White House She'd suck up to him and make excuses for his errors every chance She could get and now she's going through the angry regret phase as New York City mayor Eric Adams announces a 5% across the board cut in the budget that will impact all residents

[22:06] The cuts are said to be primarily driven by the Democrats open southern border policy that has flooded the metro area of New York with more than a hundred thousand illegals It goes on to say during a live stream Cardi B Reposted the following. I'm an angry ass bitch right now. I'm an angry bitch. I'm about to go off right now She said there's a hundred and twenty million dollar budget cut in New York. That's gonna affect my people Cardi B then turned on Democrats saying quote. I'm not endorsing no effing presidents anymore She exclaimed President Biden can fund two wars but can't fund one city and here's the kicker She says what's gonna happen to my nieces? What's gonna happen to my fatherless nephews? What's going to happen with my illegal cousins my aunts my criminal friends that are living in the hood. She asked

[22:56] She said you all doing budget cuts on the biggest city in the US. This shit is getting out of hand She says I'm from the Bronx. I don't want to see my shit affected Then she said everybody be like New York is dirty and it is dirty The rapper said adding and we're going to get even dirtier with these effing budget cuts What a sterling example of America's finest, huh? Don't you just love it when woke? Talentless fools turn on their own which begs the question. How's your plan B coming? Meanwhile, we've got a big drought and water problem in Latin America according to government statistics Latin America's running out of water Listen to this traffic through the Panama Canal is nearly half capacity these days

[23:42] Normally 40 ships go through the greatest shortcut in the world each day Last week the Canal Authority reduced daily passages to only 25 almost half while predicting Further cuts to 18 ships a day by February the immediate cause It's the driest October since record-keeping began in the 1950s. The canal locks are short of water Oh, and did you know that Chile is buckling under 14 continuous years of consecutive drought They're calling Chile's drought a mega drought Of course what the news never tells you is that just like, California Agriculture and mining account for around 70% of all the freshwater usage now according to the World Resources

[24:28] Institute the Latin American countries with the biggest ticking time bomb when it comes to water shortages and drought are Chile Mexico and Peru. Yep, Mexico is running out of drinking water. There are water shortages everywhere There have already been mass protests and people taken to the streets and it's a common sight to see big old water trucks rolling down The street that is private water companies delivering water To fill the big empty cisterns in malls and empty cisterns in neighborhoods and residential towers Mexican citizens are angry in recent months thousands have taken to the streets to protest water outages According to the Mexican Constitution access to water is a human right that the government must guarantee But right now for an increasing number of citizens in major metropolitan areas and small

[25:15] Municipalities alike their right to clean drinking water isn't being met at all According to groundwater studies 57% of Mexico's population lacks access to a reliable water supply with 105 of the country's 653 aqua fires being Overexploited beyond their capacity to recharge But and here's a big but Geologists estimate that more than 50% of all urban water supplies in Latin America are lost to leakage bad pipes bad connections and Little or no maintenance. That's what you get when you hand over the job of controlling utilities to the government It's a great idea though Thinking your government is honorable trustworthy and capable

[26:03] But they're not that's why national health care is such a good idea But has always had a terribly expensive and piss-poor Result as soon as the government gets involved they fuck it up. Think about that. There would be no Drinking water problem at all in Latin America if all the municipal water companies were privatized Because that's the only way to ensure the proper maintenance will be done If you want to guarantee a poor even disastrous outcome put it in the hands of government Don't ever ask your government to do anything for you because they'll get up the next time you hear someone whine about water shortages, etc I repeat more than 50% of all the drinkable water in Latin America is lost due to bad plumbing pipes and joints and Basically no maintenance, but that doesn't address the crops. We're just talking about drinking water now

[26:53] Still we've got those drought conditions and Bob from Oaxaca He sent me a little video on how bad it's getting over there. That's Central Valley, Mexico He showed a local reservoir kind of a pond down 10 feet He said and he said people with wells are just buying water now You know from those big trucks because the wells are all stressed out too many people in the area For what the wells can support it doesn't look good at all And Bob was saying the smart people are getting out because it's only gonna get worse. Anyway. Thanks for that video Bob Good luck to you. Oh and one more thing. We're picking the seminar dates This weekend. So the next expat insider seminar details will be coming at you within a week. Stay tuned You've been listening to the expat files living in Latin America If you need some help with your own plan B

[27:40] We can schedule a one-on-one phone or Skype consult Just send me an email the expat files at Gmail dot com And if you want to get on the waiting list for my next week long expat insider seminar in Central America Where you're guaranteed to get a two to five year head start on your plan B Send me an email the expat files at Gmail dot com