#1297 – The Expat Files: Navigating Life, Traffic, and Legalities in Latin America

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came out to play and now as I wonder Hello there all you ex-pad wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started in Checking out all my old passports have a drawer with all my expired passports and stuff in them I noticed that there's only one country in Latin America. I've never been to Suryum Suryum in South America I'd be willing to bet 99.9% of all you guys and gals listening to this show right now

[00:49] I've never been there either and couldn't find it on the map like 99% of people can't find Ukraine on the map now one of my gringo expat buddies a Dutch guy has to go there once in a while for business, it's a Dutch colony, I believe Suiting up so he tells me it's just loaded with Dutch people going native So then what does it have to offer? Well a completely hedonistic casino lifestyle Yeah, it's loaded with the casinos the whole country's only got six hundred thousand people. Oh and about Dutch colonies You know, there are a few of them here and there and then the Caribbean too. Like for example, Aruba and Curaçao Amazing thing too, you know, the Dutch are a lot like Germans real organized clean hygienic all the houses are painted nice and colorful very orderly and even though probably only

[01:35] 5% of the population is actually of Dutch descent all their good clean hygienic organizational habits seem to have rubbed off with the local population You know 150 years ago or so, they were all slave colonies, too But somehow there's a huge difference in the outcome of a country like for example, Jamaica, which became mostly a cultural disaster and descended into a dangerous mess after the British left or Got kicked out or threw in the towel or just left However, those few little Dutch colonies in the world They seem to have left a lot of positive organizational cultural and hygienic impact on the remaining locals It's kind of strange. Anyway, as for Suriname and all the Dutch colonies in general Suriname is a tiny little place six hundred thousand people and not a lot of cars

[02:23] Even so my buddy who's a Dutch guy tells me it's got the world's worst drivers Which made me think you know as I started to visit Latin American countries over 30 years ago now the first place I went to like everyone else was Mexico Do you wanna to be exact and the first thing I thought as I crossed the US they want a border I Thought man, they have the worst drivers and most chaotic transit system I've ever seen I mean look the city's right on the US border you go cross the bridge you're in Tijuana Well, the first thing I thought was man I don't ever want to drive here especially at night And so I parked my car for the day and just walked around then next Latin country I visited was Costa Rica and I thought as soon as I got into the big city San Jose

[03:09] These are the worst drivers I've ever seen And then the next Latin American city and country I visited Cartagena, Colombia And I thought this has to be the worst traffic and the worst bunch of drivers I've ever seen and that was the pattern, you know every single new Latin American country I'd visit I'd think While visiting the big cities that is each new location would top the others the worst drivers and the worst traffic I'd seen Now of course prior to moving to Latin America had been to many First world US big cities and European big cities, and I'd leave those places thinking man The traffic is horrible here, but at least the drivers obey the rules. They were comfortably Predictable not all that dangerous and not all that reckless. I mean really how could they be when you're only going two miles an hour

[03:54] But I discovered immediately in Latin America the traffic and the drivers Combined to make traveling in the big cities super chaotic stressful experiences Though eventually you get used to it kind of That's one of the things gringos and expats where the plan be Have to take into account every time they hit the road the smart thing to do and you'll pay for it in a lot Of ways if you don't consider it if you're gonna live in or near a big city You should spend time Analyzing the traffic flow and driving around various times during the morning afternoon and evening So you can get sort of a sense of what they call the order Pico down here order Pico means peak traffic hours rush hour traffic in other words rush hour traffic even that's a real misnomer because rush hour traffic often lasts

[04:44] three to four hours and Not to be confused with the way rush hour traffic flows and can be predictable in the states Because you see in Latin America rush hour traffic has its own kind of twisted brain and logic For example in some big Latin American cities rush hour traffic could start at 7 in the morning and and around 10 Then from 10 to noon you got maybe some decent traffic flow and then it starts right up again And then the midday rush hour traffic could go from noon to let's say 3 and maybe Sometimes it'll loosen up from 3 to 4 but maybe not in some cities It's a solid block of rush hour traffic from middle day to 6 or 7 at night In fact, I know tons of Latinos and Latinas who commute from the burbs back and forth into the big city for office jobs

[05:32] They just to me anyway, do not have a life at all. They get up at 6 Maybe leave the house 630 and don't get back till 9 sometimes 10 o'clock at night That's their life five days a week for years on end. That's the price they pay for living in the burbs Which in most of Latin America is the definition of making it sort of like it was in the states back in the 70s 80s and 90s Lag time, you know, yeah, you remember when those McMansions and the burbs were all the rage pretty much a cliched joke now But way back when people really craved that stuff. Oh and remember in most of Latin America It's a 44 hour work week. So you work half-day Saturday Meaning if you live in the burbs, you got to fight the traffic six days a week, not just five

[06:18] Unless of course you work for government, then you're only got a 40-hour work week. Isn't that funny? Yeah, right as if you could call that work for them It's usually 20 hours shuffling papers and 20 hours of tick-tock and porn But I digress as usual anyway because of the terrible traffic and terrible drivers in Latin American big cities Oftentimes it doesn't matter at all that much to a gringo with a plan B because they're not coming down to live in Latin America to have a nine-to-five job Most are retired and therefore don't have to leave home or have a business on the internet So they could have a little home office and never fight the traffic So a lot of plan B gringles and expats live in the burbs just outside one of the big cities So they have access when necessary Some of them prefer not to own a car at all

[07:05] They'll just use cabs and ubers and mostly gringles living in the burbs live close to nearby malls So there's Costco's Walmart's hardware stores gyms even Starbucks within 10 or 15 minutes from home and being that most gringos that is expats with a plan B are retired or Don't have to have a nine-to-five job and don't want one. They have an online business or nest egg Whatever they may live close to the big city But they don't actually have to go in with any regularity at all So they don't have to fight the traffic which brings me to an interesting little story I don't think I ever told you this but one of my brothers living up in Chicago had two drunken driving charges in Chicago, of course first time he had to go to counseling I think they took his license away for a month cost him five grand in fines two years later

[07:54] He got nailed again Second time they took his license away for six months put him in jail for a month Though he was on a work release program and got to go to work every day He just had to check back into his cell every night You know like Otis the drunk on Andy Griffith But there was a hitch when he got his license back if he wanted to drive again He had to buy special at-risk insurance coverage for his car get this for his light new Jeep It would cost ten grand a year Well with that nice car he started paying that fee It was almost a grand a month then he did the numbers and figured it just wasn't worth it besides that If he got a third DUI the state would really be tough on him He'd be looking at six months in the slammer and he didn't want to take that chance

[08:40] So anyways for something like three years, my brother didn't drive and he was jumping on the bit to do it I mean think of what it might be like for you You've been driving for 30 years and suddenly someone tells you you can't drive anymore You're stuck taking cabs Ubers and metros or leaning on friends So anyway, the state gave my brother his driver's license back after six months But he didn't have a car and wouldn't drive now After his DUI's he came down to Guatemala a couple times to visit me and he was telling me before he came down That to him one of the added bonuses of coming down south of south of the border was that he'd be able to rent a car And drive again at least for the couple of weeks He was down to visit and he did he came down. I let him use my car I have a good car and I well not so good car guess which one I gave him the keys to

[09:30] He promised not to drink well Not all that much anyway Though I did catch him at 10 in the morning sucking a beer down in a commercial center where he had to visit a bank Imagine if that went down in a shopping mall in the states, man, that would raise some red flags, huh? But in latin america, the renecomps didn't say a thing. That's the gringo advantage or Disadvantaged depending on your point of view you could be drinking even in public and nobody will screw with you As long as you're not making a pass to yourself So flash forward a bit to not so long ago My brother was having real health problems and I said hey, let's go down to the dr Let's do the stem cell thing By the way, i've done the stem cell thing with my whole family all five brothers and sisters my mother And some of us like both my brothers were repeat offenders

[10:18] So anyway, I said let's go he was all for it Once again had that secret desire to rent a car or have a car once in the dr So he could have some mobility again because he still was stuck with ubers cabs and friends hauling them around in the states He admitted he was sort of embarrassed about it felt kind of stupid Though just one thing not that he couldn't afford the 10 grand in what they call high-risk insurance It's just that he did the numbers and for all the ubers and cabs he'd take for a year He'd save at least five grand by not having a car not having to drive a 10g premium Just to have a car sitting in his garage just wasn't worth it to him So my brother was chomping at the bit to come to the dr not only for his stem cells But also being able to drive around with some liberty get back behind the wheel again

[11:07] Now you might wonder when he was driving around in guadamala. How did he fare? Being that was the first third world country he'd ever driven it Well, I can tell you this my brother's got slightly more propensity Towards road rage than the average american which ain't good Personally i'm familiar with road rage. I've got more than a touch of it myself Though it's mild compared to the road rage. I see some other gringos have By the way, i've got a personal observation about road rage that might connect with you It's my opinion that road rage is sort of like social media. You do and say things about people in your car You'd never say directly to a person's face. So you just might get cocked in the jaw So it's my opinion that even before the internet existed road rage was sort of the twitter of its time

[11:55] Am I right? What do you think? How many times have you called the guy tailgate and you an asshole or a dickhead? He occurs to insulted him in the protected confines of your car Only to back off completely when he pulls up next to you at the stop sign And you've got your chance to shout it in his face But you don't like I said road rage reminds me of the cowards on twitter or x that's what they're calling it now, right? Meanwhile back in the dr. I picked my brother up at the airport It's about a 40 minute drive from las america's airport to the capital city santo domingo It's a big congested confusing city by the way about six million people Anyway during that 40 minute drive my brother got to see true savage vehicular chaos in its craziest form

[12:42] He said I can't believe this. I thought guadamala had the worst drivers and traffic i'd ever seen I just laughed and said you ain't seen nothing yet. Wait till we get to the center of the city. It's terrifying driving in the dr picture the stupidity and chaos of the drivers in guadamala and now Map that onto a grid where the streets are half as wide with twice as many potholes By the way, nearly all latin american cities are laid out the same way Well, not initially of course when the conquistadors came down and said we're going to make a city here The first thing they would do is lay out a central park All the government buildings around it and all the church buildings like the cathedral and the monastery facing the central park too

[13:27] I believe it's even directional with the cathedral or church west where the sun sets So that was the plan with all latin american cities, but that's where it ended too It's as if whichever way a city grew after that would be like how fungus grows Just a jumble of streets and walkways However, the terrain suggested so different from the way cities were mapped out in the us and canada On a coordinated cartesian grid, you know all streets parallel and in numerical order with right angle intersection Meanwhile back in the dr on my brother's 40-minute drive from the airport to santo domingo He changed his idea completely about wanting to rent and drive a car It was either uber drivers or me at the wheel from then on Now I know that every gringo and expat listening to this right now is thinking

[14:16] Yeah, i've visited this or that latin american country And I bet they have the worst drivers in all of latin america. Maybe the world That seems to be the universal opinion of most all gringos and expats whatever third world country they land in They end up leaving the place thinking they just seen the worst most terrible traffic in their lives So then what's the real truth of the matter? There are 190 something countries in the world 20 latin american countries So then which countries really do have the worst drivers and most terrible chaos in traffic? Are there any real scientific studies? Is that even possible? Certainly everyone's got an opinion and no one's visited every country in the world just to check it out Ask a hundred different travelers and you'll probably get a hundred different answers or will you is there any way to be completely objective about it?

[15:08] Well, finally, we've got a definitive worldwide study and it turns out I was right all along Like I said, I've been to every latin american country except surinam And i've been to at least 50 other countries worldwide And my experience regarding the most dangerous drivers and worse chaotic traffic pretty much tracks this new study by the world health organization They tracked the estimated 1.35 million people per year who die in road accidents Which as it turns out is a really good measure of just how dangerous it is to drive in a particular country By the way as I read excerpts of this article see if you can guess The country with the worst drivers and the most chaotic transit system. You might be surprised to know or maybe not

[15:54] The number one country in the world that's the most dangerous to drive in Just happens to be a latin american country and it's way ahead of the pack. No other country even comes close Now I know I know somebody might be thinking what about indonesia or china In fact the first time I visited new york i'm talking many years ago. I got in a cab with an indian driver Hmm that's unusual, huh? I remember being stuck in a traffic jam That didn't move two blocks and I think a half an hour and I said to the guy Wow, this is the worst traffic i've ever seen in my life It doesn't even compare to where i'm from chicago here. I thought rush hour traffic in the loop was crazy I said to the indian driver. How do you do this every day? And he looked at me and said you think this is crazy in india. We have all these things and goods and elephants

[16:43] Hmm, I guess he had me there No goats or elephants on the streets of chicago. Not yet Anyway being that it's international road safety week at least that's what i'm reading here Turns out car crashes have become the leading cause of death for people aged five to 29 years old worldwide And here's the thing outside of the us that would be latin america asia, etc More than half of all road traffic deaths are pedestrians cyclists and motorcyclists You would know that if you had your plan b here in latin america according to this article 9 out of 10 road traffic deaths occur in third world or low to middle income countries Accordingly, this is partly a result of rising incomes in developing countries that lead to rapid motorization

[17:35] First step a person graduates from public transportation to a motorcycle Often without learning the rules of the road or getting a legal license and almost never buying insurance coverage In other words third world developing countries have extreme populations of unskilled Motorcyclists while road safety management and regulations have not kept pace at all Of the 183 countries and territories analyzed by the who database for traffic deaths The caribbean island nation of dominican republic has by far The most transit deaths per capita in the world with most recent data showing 64.6 deaths per 100 000 inhabitants That's six and a half times the homicide rate per hundred thousand in that country. In other words

[18:25] You've got a 650 greater chance of being killed on the road than you do being bumped off in a simple homicide By the way, according to traffic death statistics, africa is the world region with the highest death rates with 15 Out of the top 20 countries on the vehicular homicide list Isn't that amazing though? The next 15 countries with the most traffic deaths are in africa That's kind of surprising and get this the dominican republic is so far out ahead on that death rate That the next latin american country on the list is venezuela At just 39 deaths per 100 000 Remember the dr is tops with 64.6 deaths per 100 000 on the road

[19:12] And the next latin american country on the list is brazil with only 16 deaths per 100 000 That's pretty much one fourth as many deaths on the road as in the dr By the way, unlike the dr in brazil You've got a better chance of getting killed by homicide at 22 per 100 000 than you do getting bumped off Just driving along on the road By the way, if you want to know where the u.s stands, it's 12.7 deaths on the road per 100 000 Meanwhile the regular homicide rate for people in the u.s is 6.8 per 100 000 That means you're twice as likely if you're driving around in the u.s Or even walking across the street to be killed in a traffic accident then to be bumped off By a homicidal maniac. Oh, and here's the debts on canada in canada

[20:01] Yeah, those nice and gentle canadians. They have about half as many road deaths as do americans 5.3 deaths per 100 000 on the road Hmm. I wonder if that includes hitting a deer or a moose Now you might be interested in who comes dead last in this report pun intended Singapore and iceland tied at 2.1 deaths per 100 000 on the road stands to reason though in singapore They've got the toughest cops with some of the strictest penalties and fines in the world for traffic violations And as for iceland, it's just the fact there aren't many people at all and thus not many cars huge landmass Very small population plus it's so damn icy and cold people are holed up in their houses three quarters of the year Now to complicate things even further Statistics show that some of those countries some of those latin american and third world countries

[20:50] A shocking six out of every 10 fatalities on the road are caused by alcohol impairment again in latin america Six out of ten road deaths are linked to alcohol use And that's mostly because cops just don't crack down on people who are drinking and driving Fact is i'm driving around down here in latin america all the time and day and night I'll pull over at a stop sign or stop light and i'll see a guy holding a can of beer In plain view too some people don't even care who sees it and I can't tell you how many cars i've entered You know friends picking up and stuff and there's open booze in the car Or someone sitting in the back seat with an open six pack on their lap and a bunch of empties rolling around on the floor It's just a completely different culture. Sure. It's illegal They've all got laws against it, but it's all about enforcement or lack of it

[21:39] By the way, according to the same statistical survey The number one country the world's worst country I should say for drunk driving You'd think would be a latin american country, but it's not a south africa Go figure, huh? How'd that happen? With 58 percent of all road accident deaths involving alcohol Then you have all the latin american countries falling in line, but right up there Not quite as bad as latin america comes canada united states australia france in italy All showing around 25 to 35 percent of transit deaths related to alcohol Now you might suspect the two countries at the bottom of this list The countries with the least amount of alcohol involvement in transit debts

[22:26] You might imagine those other countries with the strictest rules with the most fines and the most enforcement It's not a surprise one of those countries is china because they are tough It is surprising though that tied with china on that list is india In general though, of course a lot of these numbers depend on whether or not the cop gives a sobriety test If someone gets killed or in an accident oftentimes in a third world country like india when someone dies There's no autopsy or blood alcohol level taken No money no manpower And if it's about a dead guy in a cheap motorcycle or tuktuk the cops figure he's already dead. So why bother? All right, speaking of driver's licenses, you know The states if you lose your license for doi or because it just expired If you're an expat to get it replaced or renewed you have to go back to that state and it can be quite a process

[23:16] That brings up another advantage to living here in latin america If you're in a pickle like that and your u.s license has expired You'll need a valid up-to-date one if you're going to rent a car Also, if you get pulled over well, it's just a matter sometimes of knowing a guy who knows a guy By the way, I mentioned this little hack a long time ago and it's probably worth mentioning again Suppose your american driver's license is about to expire and you don't have your residency yet in your chosen latin country Now you'll need your residency to get a local driver's license Then you could just go down to the transit authority and show them your old texas license or whatever And they'll process a new local license for you all legal and on the up and up and all that

[24:01] However, if your texas license, let's say is about to expire or it's expired already And you don't plan on going back to renew it for whatever reason. Maybe you're just never going back Who knows there is a very good hack that'll buy you a lot of time You go and get a nice colored copy of that license front and back go down to any old little corner police station Tell them you got your wallet stolen or your license stolen, whatever and if you're not a good favor tell them you lost it They'll write you up a report with all the right signatures seals bells and whistles on it Staple that copy of your license to the back of it And now you're absolutely good to go for months even years Just carry that with you or stick it in your glove box And if you get pulled over show that to the cop and you'll be good as go Now remember i'm not advising you to do anything illegal

[24:48] The name of this show is the expat files living in latin america It is my job to tell you how certain gringos and expats maneuver their way through various tight spots Gringos and expats living down here. You know, they're a smart bunch Many of them and that includes all of them that come to my expat insider seminars are way above average By the way, speaking of my next expat insider seminar. We've finally picked the dates The dates are friday march 8th through friday march 15th 2024 So since this show is going out on friday december 1st 2023 about three months before the seminar launches In a day or two i'll be sending everyone on the early bird waiting list a sign up sheet and the details So you guys and gals on the early bird list check your inbox and for everyone else who's thinking about coming down

[25:38] Remember you come to the seminar to get a two to five year head start on your plan b So anyway, just go to www.expatplanb.com That's expatplanb.com Once there click on the seminar sign up link and you'll get all the info and sign up details Oh, and once again, you'll be flying in and out of guatemala international airport The abbreviation is gua And we'll be going back and forth by land to el salvador We'll be in two countries this time guatemala and el salvador Of course, we want you to see all the miracles that have taken place since buccalés been in office over there Of course as usual for all you repeat offenders out there. We always have repeat offenders Sign up again and get a thousand dollars off the early bird discount price. Oh and the price includes eight nights in our hotels

[26:31] This time we've added an extra night so that we can get a little bit more time for boots on the ground in Antigua guatemala, so the price includes a seminar and transportation once you've landed eight hotel nights as well Just go to expatplanb.com and check out all the details and sign up info Any other questions send me an email the expat files at gmail.com Oh, and once again flying into guatemala or going to el salvador no need for any Covidiet screenings or proof or any other hair-brained government lunacies So once again mark your calendar for friday march 8th through friday march 15 2024 This will be my 20th Expat insider seminar. You won't want to miss it

[27:16] Remember the last one we did was about a year ago people ask about them all the time They're getting fewer and further in between, you know with travel getting harder and harder more time being wasted and more hoops to jump through It's getting more difficult to organize these things and pick the dates. So take advantage while you still can You've been listening to the expat files living in latin america If you need some help with your own plan b we can schedule a one-on-one phone or skype consult Just send me an email the expat files at gmail.com And if you want to get on the waiting list for my next week long expat insider seminar in central america Where you're guaranteed to get a two to five year head start on your plan b Send me an email the expat files at gmail.com